# Can't decide where I want to be!



## manckiwi

Hi

I'm a UK citizen living in Northern England; I've been back here for around a year after doing 2 stints in New Zealand, (Auckland) living there for 5 years altogether. I returned for family reasons and at first I was happy with my decision, enjoyed being closer to family and was loving the travelling opportunities from here - ie weekend breaks to Europe etc and general accessibility to lots of destinations, as I love to travel. However I'm getting an increasing niggly feeling that the UK is no longer the right place for me- I'm struggling with the miserable weather and other negative things about here such as crime, the economy, hoodies etc, and I desperately miss the lovely lifestyle and my friends in Auckland. I realise though that there are pros and cons to both countries and wherever I am I'm going to miss things about the other place! I can totally relate to the phrase 'ping pong pom' as I think I'm now one of them! I just wondered if anyone else has had these feelings about where they belong, where they should be etc and how did you tackle them? How do you ever decide? I'm also worried about how it will look on my CV if I go back, as employers are going to wonder if I'm constantly going back and forth! I've got my indefinite residency visa for NZ so visa-wise it's not an issue for me to go back. I'm 35 with no children.

Any words of wisdom would be most appreciated!
Thanks.


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## kiwigser

manckiwi said:


> Hi
> 
> I'm a UK citizen living in Northern England; I've been back here for around a year after doing 2 stints in New Zealand, (Auckland) living there for 5 years altogether. I returned for family reasons and at first I was happy with my decision, enjoyed being closer to family and was loving the travelling opportunities from here - ie weekend breaks to Europe etc and general accessibility to lots of destinations, as I love to travel. However I'm getting an increasing niggly feeling that the UK is no longer the right place for me- I'm struggling with the miserable weather and other negative things about here such as crime, the economy, hoodies etc, and I desperately miss the lovely lifestyle and my friends in Auckland. I realise though that there are pros and cons to both countries and wherever I am I'm going to miss things about the other place! I can totally relate to the phrase 'ping pong pom' as I think I'm now one of them! I just wondered if anyone else has had these feelings about where they belong, where they should be etc and how did you tackle them? How do you ever decide? I'm also worried about how it will look on my CV if I go back, as employers are going to wonder if I'm constantly going back and forth! I've got my indefinite residency visa for NZ so visa-wise it's not an issue for me to go back. I'm 35 with no children.
> 
> Any words of wisdom would be most appreciated!
> Thanks.



This one is impossible to answer, you will replies from both camps, yea and nay.

The only advice I can give is the points system. I was on a week long course from work and we were in several groups. The other groups always seemed to be arguing and rarely reached a conclusion. Our group had a few engineers, logical thinkers etc. The biggest test was with limited resources who should get a new kidney. I know I am rambling but your problem can be applied in the same way. Chart all your requirements etc. for both countries and score points for each fairly. Add them up and you get the decision.

I know its not that simple, but gives you a basis to work from.


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## bleater

The perennial expat dilemma. I lived 3 years in Germany, and in the end I did something a little bit like kiwigser suggests, I had a list of "loves" and a list of "hates" for each of NZ and Germany. There were plenty of entries in all 4 quadrants of the list... on balance I'm very happy being back in NZ, but then I have the luxury of being able to travel and escape when I need to. NZ can be quite stifling if you've got bigger horizons than the average "kuy wuy".

For another perspective, my sister in law came back to NZ for a visit a while ago, having lived 10 years in NZ, then 6 in Germany and the UK. Her overall feeling was "If you could live in NZ, why wouldn't you?" but then its so often about other things.. job, family and friends being the big three.

My feeling is still that different places are better for different phases of life. I've got 3 kids, and I can say that undoubtedly, New Zealand is a better place to raise children than Germany, and probably better than most of Europe. Kids need space and freedom, and in NZ those are both much more accessible. With no children, you're likely to have different priorities... what kind of job do you do? Are there opportunities to grow in that career in NZ? Later in life, having party weekends in Bruges or a weekend in Paris with the girlfriend is less important or urgent... I've never met anyone who came to NZ for it's amazing shopping/nightlife/music scene etc., but plenty who came so that their kids could play on a clean beach, go hiking in the wilderness, and skiing in winter without breaking the bank. My only piece of advice so far has been to warn anyone thinking of emigrating to not even consider it if they won't have the financial means to visit their "mother country" once every year or two. That can help keep you sane when you see stuff on the NZ 6 o'clock news that makes you wonder what you're doing living here.


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## manckiwi

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's really useful to hear everyone's opinions and experiences.


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