# leaving my boyfriend to follow my dream?! help plz



## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

I have been thinking about a move to Australia for a few years now, I visited my Grandparents in 2006 (they have lived out there for going on 9yrs now) and fell in love with the place! My son was only 7months old then, he is now 5.

Then a couple of years ago my Aunt, Uncle and cousin made the move out there...
This has made me every bit more determined to be the next family member there to join them!
I have a few problems though. I have a boyfriend, he is not my sons dad, we have been together almost 3yrs and even though from almost day one of our relationship he knew my dream was to move to Australia he has now said (after 2 and a half years of ‘yea maybe’ ‘one day’ we’ll think about it’) he definitely does not want to live there. 
I am now facing the decision of staying here in the UK with the man I love or following my dream and moving myself and my son out there.
I was relying on my boyfriend’s career in construction to get us a skilled work visa but now facing this trip on my own I am considering going back to college and retrain as a pre-primary school teacher to get me a skilled working visa as I have recently finished studying beauty therapy at college and in sept I am going back to study media and theatrical makeup. Beauty has always been my first choice career and even once out in Oz I will still use my skills to work from home, mobile therapist/make-up artist part time? And childcare being my second choice as this would fit in quite nicely with having a young son. But I have yet to look into the training I need and how long this can take.
Am I making a huge mistake leaving my boyfriend behind? I am hoping he will change his mind and come with us? Maybe he thinks I won’t go through with this? I told him that I will still look into the prospect of me and my son moving even if he doesn’t want to and he seemed fine with it, I thought he may want to leave me? Should I break up with him and face the fact that we will never get married, have children ect? Or spend every last minute enjoying being together? Will this just make things worse for me and my son when we do actually go? My head is all over the place at the moment!!
Also…I have a council house, been here 4years, it’s a beautiful house in the village I have grown up in with my parents only down the road, I wish there was a way I could keep this house so in case things don’t work out in Australia I can come back and live here again? Perhaps I should look into buying it and renting it out while I’m away? Then after a year or so has passed and I am confident being in Australia is the best thing for me and my son I could sell it? But finance is tight, I am 22 with very little savings!
Any help and advice would be very much appreciated. Thankyou for your time.


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## Guest (Jul 25, 2011)

Right first things first, your relationship. If its not working you should end it. If you want certain things in life and from your relationship with your OH and they are not willing or able to give it or want completely different things then you probably shouldn't be together. But Australia shouldn't be the only reason you break up with someone. 
Make a list DO NOT LET HIM SEE IT, pros & cons of everything about your relationship. One side will outweigh the other and will allow you to better make a decision. 

Next item, your dream to go to Aus. Do not train in something that you think will get you in. Only do something you really want to do and can see yourself working in for the next 30 years and enjoying it. 

Australia changes their skills list very frequently. Up until not so long ago all teachers were on the list. I now see posts from people crying that they have spent 4 years and a shed load of money for nothing because they are no longer on the list and cant get a visa. 

And at the end of doing all that remember even if you start training in something now it could still be 6 years before you get to Australia. at least 3 years training, maybe more depending on what qualifications you already have but you'll have to get to degree level at least. 
Then you'll have to work in that field for 2-5 years to get the required work experience needed to allow you to apply. 
Then you apply for your visa, which can take anything up to 2 years. 

Long time isn't it? You could have naturally moved apart from your current BF & married someone else by then!


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## Wombat11 (Jul 23, 2011)

OK so here is my 2c;
Your current situation;
You have a home, a relationship, and a job?

To be serious about this move then you need to have several things in place, the funds to facilitate it, the fee is over AU2k, sounds like you have family there you could lean on temporarily, but you will need funds to sustain yourself till you can support yourself through work, which brings me to the next issue, in order to migrate legally you will need to have a viable profession, and you say you're looking to train in a suitable one, so you're not there, there being the position to realistically look at/apply for a Visa that will be acceptable. 

So, if you want to put this thing on motion you need to find a viable profession, I've read that people have trained as teachers and the numbers for Australia needing teachers have been reduced/eliminated so I would be sure of the profession you train in before you start. Nurses are in high demand in Australia but its not something everyone can do. 

Relationship wise... well he says he wont move. Its really up to you, you can spend another 4 years with him while you study for a career to enable the move and then sever ties, keeping in mind emotionally the longer you are involved with this person the more attached your child will be to him and the relationship, or you end it now, and get on with your life, maybe find someone that shares your interest in Australia or is at the very least open to the idea of relocation in a few years. Otherwise its wasted time, energy and emotions in someone that does not want anything long term. 

IF this is something you definately want then its going to take a lot of changes. 

Good luck.


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

Thankyou both for your comments, I am still very much looking into the move...me and my boyfriend are still together, although we have had our ups and downs in recent months...I love him very much and I hope so much that we spend the rest of our lives together. he is a fantastic father figure to my son and I still have my fingers crossed he will change his mind about moving to Oz. 

I am studying as a makeup artist at the moment, doing bridal makeup to get some money together to save  I am in contact with my family in Oz talking about a sponsored employer visa...I'm thinking I need to get my makeup artist portfolio together then go out there for a couple of months doing work experience for TV and theatre...then I'm hoping I may be able to get a sponsorship out of it??? Don't know what the chances of this is though but at least if I go out for a couple of months to experience it and get my name out there my boyfriend will realise how serious I am about this...

I hope he will then decide to come  I've had a lot of family stuff going on recently and my Grandad who lives in Australia hasn't been very well, this has made me realise we only have one life and we need to live it, however I will prepare myself if I really can't persuade my boyfriend to come with us...but I'm hoping when he realises how serious I am he will come. 

My Aunt and uncle who live only half an hour from a gorgeous beach in Queensland have offered to put us up in their spare bedrooms for as long as we need which is good, but I have lots more to do!!!


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## nonny1983 (Jul 20, 2011)

Can I just ask about your child's father? You will need to get permission from him for any kind of visa removing the child from the country. 
Also your house, now you could buy it but you will need a deposit for a mortgage. Also keep in mind that buying a council house comes with conditions, I think its 5 years before you can sell and in not sure if you could get a buy to let mortgage. Also if its not occupied for any amount of time you have to have extra funds available to cover costs.....this would be a good idea for any repairs too. 
Your relationship I have no idea what to say really but to consider leaving him for something you've only seen in holiday mode tells me its not great, if I'm wrong then maybe you could ask hin to go out with you for 6 months to see what he thinks then?


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## deeno88 (Apr 12, 2012)

in this story I'm the boyfriend ;-) 

it my other halves dream and wants me to go but I'm scared I also have the house issue too 

it's such alot to think about and sort 

one wondered if it's not better to stick to what you know but then would you regret not trying it .. that's how I feel

I will tell you though I wondered how my partner could possibly love me if he would leave with or without me ... it took alot for his to reassure me of his thoughts and it wasn't as black and white as that . you may have broken down a little barrier between you and your partner after saying you would leave him behind , so bare this in mind . xx good luck and keep me posted , I also have a child that I need to sort residency for ... I'm happy to chat through anything with you if you need to talk x


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## icebreaker1928 (Aug 4, 2010)

pardon me for asking... and I apologize in advance if I will offend somebody on my next sentence 

I really don't get it that even though people from first world countries still want to migrate to another country.

If our country is only a first world country I wouldn't leave.
I have my family here, my friends here... my whole life is here.
But I am force to leave because there is no better future here for my son.

Now, why people from first world countries leave theirs?
Hope someone can enlighten me 

Again, no offense meant


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## nonny1983 (Jul 20, 2011)

No offence taken icebreaker  

I'm from wales UK which is a first world country. I chose to move to australia mainly because my husband grew up here and was home sick. He had come to the UK with the intent on staying a year but met me at work and ended up staying for 6! 
Also if I'm honest it wasn't that difficult a decision for me as it seems to be for others here. My family is what you could call 'dysfunctional', I couldn't have any two members in the room together anymore ( both my parents and my husbands are divorced) and all the constant tension was effecting the little ones as well as us. Not only that but I felt that the UK, especially wales, is going down hill and fast. There are big gangs about who are very violent and walking some streets are not safe anymore. I'v been attacked and hurt bad on more than one occasion ad well as had my house broken into, car stolen etc and I didn't want that for my kids. The attitudes of people surrounding us was bad also, mainly due to lack of jobs and money. It might be a first world country but its so negative right now so thought we would jump ship. Glad we did too. We are so much more relaxed and the kids have freedom like never before. It's great.


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## icebreaker1928 (Aug 4, 2010)

nonny1983 said:


> No offence taken icebreaker
> 
> I'm from wales UK which is a first world country. I chose to move to australia mainly because my husband grew up here and was home sick. He had come to the UK with the intent on staying a year but met me at work and ended up staying for 6!
> Also if I'm honest it wasn't that difficult a decision for me as it seems to be for others here. My family is what you could call 'dysfunctional', I couldn't have any two members in the room together anymore ( both my parents and my husbands are divorced) and all the constant tension was effecting the little ones as well as us. Not only that but I felt that the UK, especially wales, is going down hill and fast. There are big gangs about who are very violent and walking some streets are not safe anymore. I'v been attacked and hurt bad on more than one occasion ad well as had my house broken into, car stolen etc and I didn't want that for my kids. The attitudes of people surrounding us was bad also, mainly due to lack of jobs and money. It might be a first world country but its so negative right now so thought we would jump ship. Glad we did too. We are so much more relaxed and the kids have freedom like never before. It's great.


whoa... is it really that bad there now?
there are lot of jobless people here but I guess it's not that dangerous.
maybe we are more accustomed because its been like this here eversince


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## nonny1983 (Jul 20, 2011)

Yes where I lived its that bad. Im from south wales, Cardiff is a,beautiful city don't get me wrong but go a few miles into the valleys and its depressing. Merthyr Tydfil I think has 90% unemployment rate and that's just one estate. I lived on an estate in Pontypridd for a while where most of my troubles were and at one point I had rang police so much that when someone had tied a suitcase to my car they sent our the bomb squad!!


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

icebreaker1928 said:


> pardon me for asking... and I apologize in advance if I will offend somebody on my next sentence
> 
> I really don't get it that even though people from first world countries still want to migrate to another country.
> 
> ...


Hi Icebreaker1928
Yes I do understand what you mean…I do have friends here, none from school, all my friends are since leaving school and as much as I love them all that wouldn’t make me stay. As for family I don’t have many here, I don’t speak to my Mum, I only see my dad twice a year and I have 3 step brothers all of which would come and visit…I do have a pregnant sister however, she is pregnant with twins which is so exciting but again I wouldn’t let this hold me back, she has her new life with her partner and they would always be welcome to stay with me for holidays 
As for my family in Australia, I speak to them most days, there’s a saying that applies to me so much right now. ‘Sometimes the people that are thousands of miles away from you, can make you feel better than the people right beside you.’


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

deeno88 said:


> in this story I'm the boyfriend ;-)
> 
> it my other halves dream and wants me to go but I'm scared I also have the house issue too
> 
> ...


Hi deeno88
Yea I understand the whole if its not broke don’t fix it thing… but on my other shoulder I am thinking the grass is greener on the other side…
It’s the hardest decision to make but whats making me think I can do it is the fact I have family who have done it…my grandparents moved out there 9yrs ago ish…my nan said it was so hard leaving family behind (her 4 children and 2 young granddaughters) but we keep in contact via facebook and have all been out to visit her, she has also been back twice and she doesn’t regret it at all…now my Aunt and uncle made the move…so now I’m thinking I could be next?? If they can do it so can I 
I don’t think any barrier has been broken down as I have discussed moving right from the start of our relationship… I pretty much always get my own way anyway lol so I’m sure I can persuade him to come!!


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

nonny1983 said:


> Can I just ask about your child's father? You will need to get permission from him for any kind of visa removing the child from the country.
> Also your house, now you could buy it but you will need a deposit for a mortgage. Also keep in mind that buying a council house comes with conditions, I think its 5 years before you can sell and in not sure if you could get a buy to let mortgage. Also if its not occupied for any amount of time you have to have extra funds available to cover costs.....this would be a good idea for any repairs too.
> Your relationship I have no idea what to say really but to consider leaving him for something you've only seen in holiday mode tells me its not great, if I'm wrong then maybe you could ask hin to go out with you for 6 months to see what he thinks then?


Hi Nonny1983
My son’s father didn’t want anything to do with me or my son…we were only 16 and 17 at the time but even 6yrs down the line he has made no contact, he is not on my son’s birth certificate so I will not even be informing him of my decision to move. Me and my boyfriend are looking into buying the council house, we would buy it together and rent it out if we were to move…yes I am hoping if I go for a visit he will come…he went to Australia to work for 3 months 2 years ago (Perth) …the construction company he works for has sites in Australia, we missed each other loads obviously and he was working 6 days a week when he was there and came back saying there wasn’t a lot to do and he missed me bla bla bla…I think this is why he can’t see himself back out there but tbh it would be different if we went together… and when I say about going by myself he doesn’t mind me going without him as he went without me and we still continued our relationship, we spoke over facebook every day and he rang me once a week…


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## nonny1983 (Jul 20, 2011)

Hi liamsmummy, you may need to seek advice about your ex. The diac will ask about the father regardless of if he has pr/ named on birth cert. Not exactly sure of the proceedure as we went through an adoption prior to applying for my visa but they still asked for proof re my sons father..........with your bf not liking Perth, I know a lot of aussies don't even like Perth as they say there's nothings to do, could you suggest sonewhere else to try, qld or NSW maybe?


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## deeno88 (Apr 12, 2012)

from what I've read the Australian government won't grant a child's visa with out either both signatures of parents with parental rights, a court order or special circumstances that have to be discussed once you are awarded a case officer 

I'm looking Into all this at the moment and it seems I need something to prove why I don't need him to sign 

they wont issue your son with a visa if not xx


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

nonny1983 said:


> Hi liamsmummy, you may need to seek advice about your ex. The diac will ask about the father regardless of if he has pr/ named on birth cert. Not exactly sure of the proceedure as we went through an adoption prior to applying for my visa but they still asked for proof re my sons father..........with your bf not liking Perth, I know a lot of aussies don't even like Perth as they say there's nothings to do, could you suggest sonewhere else to try, qld or NSW maybe?


Ah ok i wasn't aware of that, I just kind of assumed that if he wasn't around and wasn't named on the birth certificate I wouldn't be asked to track him down...tbh I have no idea what he is up to nowadays anyway...I think he went off to uni?? That will be something I will have to look into when the time comes....

Yea i'm not interested in Perth anyway, my family are in Adelaide and Brisbane


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## liamsmummy (Oct 27, 2009)

deeno88 said:


> from what I've read the Australian government won't grant a child's visa with out either both signatures of parents with parental rights, a court order or special circumstances that have to be discussed once you are awarded a case officer
> 
> I'm looking Into all this at the moment and it seems I need something to prove why I don't need him to sign
> 
> they wont issue your son with a visa if not xx


Ah ok, well if that is the case i will have to track him down! I think he went off to uni?? But he has only seen him a handful of times when my son was really little and he has never paid a single penny towards him or anything...

But I suppose thats just something i will have to sort out when the time comes...


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## deeno88 (Apr 12, 2012)

you could look at a residency order 

that's what everyone has recommended for me as my daughters dad can't sign he has brain damage after a car accident 

my partner has to sign the 1229 form to give his daughter permission and then today told me that's not enough and had to sign a declaration in front of a solicitor as well with his ex 

god knows what I'm gonna do though , gonna speak to a solicitor tomorrow so I can ask for you. 2 if you want x


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## kitkar (Apr 7, 2012)

It makes all the sense then.

Many people from my country are also choosing to migrate because they worry about the children's future. They make some sacrifice of their current lives with the bigger picture in view. Even if this means they have to struggle with the language, culture, making a living. But I think for you, as an English with relatives here, it shouldn't be any problem at all.

The disparity in income in my country is growing by leaps and bounds. In my generation young families can afford decent housing. Now, you need to have generous and wealthy parents to live a decent life here. Also, the affirmative action here is just senseless.


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## raerae28 (Apr 18, 2012)

Liamsmummy - why don't you ask your partner to have a trail period in Australia, then that way if u both like it you can stay or u may not like it your self, and want to move back.
As for your house in the uk, I would just give it up, and hope that if u ever came back u would b able to get somewhere close by. 
Buying the house could b such a hassle, if u rent it out, u still have to pay for all problems with the house. 
Say u are here in oz, and a water pipe bursts or the boiler breaks, you have to sort all that and pay out of your own pocket, obviously the estate agents you are letting through will sort it all, but it's still hassle for you! 
I have a friend who just this weekend after 4 years here has gone back home, he came out with his gf and they loved it, for a while! But they have decided to move home and get married, as much as they love Australia they gave it a try and decided it wasn't for them. 
I am also here from the uk, I have been here just over a year, I have just had my first baby and at the moment I love it here, but I have no family and not really any friends, and I don't no how I will feel in a few years, I left absolutely every body behind and I'm ok with that, for now! 
So yeah, after all my going on, just see if u can do a trail move with your boyfriend!


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## jb12 (Jan 27, 2012)

icebreaker1928 said:


> pardon me for asking... and I apologize in advance if I will offend somebody on my next sentence
> 
> I really don't get it that even though people from first world countries still want to migrate to another country.
> 
> ...


Hi icebreaker1928,

I'm sure you are not the only one with that question regarding people that live in a developed country. There are many reasons.

To start off, I think some people have this vision that developed countries do not have as many problems as the less developed countries. The only news that people might here are from seeing some international news, what is portrayed in television shows, movies, etc. But in reality, each country has their poor, middle class, and the very rich. So depending which class you are in, your life in the developed country might not be as good as people think. 

I can only comment about what people might perceive about living in the US. We may have cars, houses, and a job. In regards to the house and cars. Most of that is done through loans because interest rates are pretty reasonable depending on your specific financial status. While I have heard in the less developed countries, people may have to pay in cash/full for houses and cars. If they get a loan, the interest rate is ridiculously high. Sometimes the perception from less developed countries might be that people from the US have it all. In reality, we may make more money in salary. But cost of living, insurance, etc. will take most of our salaries. To add, a certain percentage is already taxed. Example, if someone makes a yearly salary of $50,000 (US), after taxes, the take home pay per year can be about $35,000. Depends on their tax bracket percentage. Unfortunately, your financial status usually determines what type of neighborhood in the US you will live in. As we all know, the more money you make, the likelihood that person will live in a nicer and safer neighborhood. It doesn't matter which country in the world you live in. 

One reason why some people from developed countries move to another country is for job opportunities if they feel there isn't any more opportunity where they are from.

But I would say the major reason for some people is to have a change. It is not people hate the country where they live or don't have a job. It's basically they may want a change in life and environment. It is a personal choice and if they have the skills and money to move to another country, why not? If it doesn't work out, then they can always go back to their home country.

I guess the best analogy I can give you is comparing two different types of workers. You have two types. One that can do the same job for years and years. Then you have another who can only stay in one position for so many years and has the need to move to another group or company. Now the second worker is doing fine and making the money. But why is he/she wanting to move? The reason being that worker is either no longer challenged with the job or wants an increase in pay. That worker is not the type to stay in one area for too long.

If you evaluate it. The people from a developed country that really has no reason to move to another country, just does it because it's something they want to do. It might not be logical to some people. However, we all are not the same when it comes to deciding what makes us happy in life.


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## coraliers (Apr 19, 2012)

*Working Holiday Visa?*

Hi there!

I am wondering why you guys (is your partner under 31?) apply for the working holiday visa for 1 year and try this out. 

Also if you do this, you can look into sponsorship jobs when you are out here. I think you can actually bring your child with you if you go for this option. That way you aren't fully committing but you have a year to get a feel for how life could be. On this visa you can work 6 months with one employer.

Coralie


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## jb12 (Jan 27, 2012)

Hi Coralie,

I have read from a prior post on this forum that on a working holiday visa, children can't be included. More information can be found in immi.gov.au and search for working holiday visa.


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## Guest (Apr 19, 2012)

Thats right, if you have dependent children they are not allowed to join you at any point while you are there on a working holiday visa. So not the best suggestion unless one partner wants to stay at home with the children while the other flits off to find sponsorship, not the best arrangement!


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## jeremylaurence304 (Apr 19, 2012)

ask a travel permission document from your baby daddy first then get your files documents etc. leave your place now .. there is little opportunity and time but you can always find a new boyfriend but if your boyfriend loves you, he will go to Australia to visit etc. good luck!


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## coraliers (Apr 19, 2012)

jb12 said:


> Hi Coralie,
> 
> I have read from a prior post on this forum that on a working holiday visa, children can't be included. More information can be found in immi.gov.au and search for working holiday visa.


Ah, I am misinformed, somebody told me this was possible in some circumstances. Shame.


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## jb12 (Jan 27, 2012)

coraliers said:


> Ah, I am misinformed, somebody told me this was possible in some circumstances. Shame.


Maybe they were referring to the "tourist" visa? For that visa, a dependent can be included. However, the person isn't allowed to work. 

Hi Liamsmummy,
If you currently have relatives that live in Australia. Wouldn't they be your best advisors in helping you to get to Australia as well? How were they able to get to Australia? Were they sponsored or obtained visas based on their skills?

The people that have posted have provided good advice. But the first thing that must be done is to get that permission for your son to be able to leave the country. Yes, it probably doesn't make sense to have to do this considering you mentioned the father has not been involved in your son's life from the beginning.

I am not sure about how the sponsorship works. But I believe the skill or profession has to be in a list that has been approved to be sponsored approved by the DIAC. I don't think makeup artist would be included? In addition, you mentioned about maybe doing some work experience in Australia to get sponsored. However, you really can't work unless you have a working visa. And to be sponsored, I believe you will have to have work experience that actually paid you money. I am basing this on what was documented when I applied for one of the visas.

Best of luck and I hope it works out for you to get to Australia.


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## Jabble (Jan 20, 2013)

I'm in exactly this same situation right now!! What did you end up doing??


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## Guest (Jan 20, 2013)

Jabble said:


> I'm in exactly this same situation right now!! What did you end up doing??


 What same situation? You have a child and want to move to Australia? 

Do you qualify for a skills visa?


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## Jabble (Jan 20, 2013)

No I don't have a child and I could get a sponsored business visa from the company I work with now they have already said that. It is just the case of leaving, or pursuading my partner who I have been with for nearly 3 years!


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## Maz25 (Jul 6, 2008)

Jabble said:


> No I don't have a child and I could get a sponsored business visa from the company I work with now they have already said that. It is just the case of leaving, or pursuading my partner who I have been with for nearly 3 years!


I think you have to look at the strength of your relationship v/s the opportunity available to you. I found myself in the same situation a few years back when I had this great opportunity to move to Dubai. I was ready to go but my partner at the time refused to go and was just being downright difficult. In my case, I made a list of what I stood to lose and what I stood to gain by leaving. At the end of it, I got on the plane and a few months later the relationship broke down due to the distance but all in all, considering how my life has spanned out, I feel that I made the right decision.

You need to weigh up what you stand to gain versus what you will leave behind and effectively go with what your heart tells you. I won't say that you should do what I did because your situation is most likely different but I think if an opportunity comes knocking, you need to decide how likely you are to get it again and how likely you are to stay with your partner in the long run. I guess that if there is marriage on the cards, then that's something you need to consider but if you're just going with the flow, then you can go but as I say, it all comes down to how strongly you feel about the opportunity and your relationship.


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