# We are two lesbian mom + a child



## AlisaG

Hi All,
we are a couple of lesbian and we have one child that is 8 months old (from sperm bank) .
We will come to Singapore for a period of one year more or less, and our child will go to a kindergarten while we are working.
The question is who our sexual gender will affect the behavior to our child.
How will the garden stuff accept our family , and specifically our child?
will we be discriminate or e will get the same behavior as everyone?
Will we need to hide the fact that the child has two mothers?
Thanks in advance for any information you can give.
As much information as you can give as it will help as we have nothing yet.
Thanks,


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## BBCWatcher

For immigration purposes you'll need separate visas/work permits. There is no legal recognition of same sex couples in Singapore, so you'll each have to apply on your own merits with only one of you obtaining the child's Dependent Pass (DP). And that's a bit tricky if one of you loses a job, for example, and has to leave Singapore within 30 days.

I think that any housing you rent will have to be 3 bedded, very technically, in order to satisfy the minimum satisfactory housing standard. Said another way, if you specify that you're looking for 3 bedroom apartments nobody should raise any issues.

Sex between two men (in particular) is still technically illegal in Singapore. However, that law is extremely rarely enforced. Avoid most public displays of affection, though occasional hugging is probably OK. Don't annoy neighbors, which is always good general advice.

Basically don't bother clarifying or communicating the exact parameters of your relationship and family structure. If others assume you're sisters or cousins, don't bother correcting that assumption. Among close friends you might be more open (if pressed), but that's about it.

There are plenty of same sex couples in Singapore, some with children. It's pretty obvious. But it's never _too_ obvious. That seems to be the "compromise" right now -- something like "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I tend to think women would have an easier time, though, since (as mentioned) the default assumption is that two women with a child are not a married lesbian couple but rather friends, mother-daughter, sisters, or cousins. And there's still a strong bias in being more comfortable with women caring for children. So in random public settings nobody should even stare.

School is "interesting." I think what I'd do is, unfortunately, follow the immigration arrangement. That is, the parent holding the child's DP is "primary" for school purposes. But have that parent inform the school in writing that the other person -- just tell them the name and Foreign Identification Number, not anything about the family structure -- has permission to pick up the child, etc. Schools are well used to that sort of thing if for no other reason than some households have live-in housekeepers who are given permission to pick up the child, drop the child off, etc., etc.

Good luck.


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## beppi

As the above poster already pointed out, there is no legal recognition of same-sex marriages in Singapore (and sex among males are still illegal due to a colonial-era law - they simply forgot to include women at that time).
In addition, it is also heavily frowned upon by all but the most open-minded Singaporeans. You will be avoided by your colleagues and have problems finding friends if you display your situation openly.
Keeping it private, as suggested above IS the best option!


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## AlisaG

Hello everyone,

thank you a lot for your full and clear answers, they really help us to make our decision.

And again, we really appreciate your help.


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