# Say Please!



## Lynn R (Feb 21, 2014)

I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.

Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!

Spanish cafe owner charges rude customers more and cuts prices for those who say 'please' and 'thank you'* | Daily Mail Online


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Lynn R said:


> I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.
> 
> Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!
> 
> Spanish cafe owner charges rude customers more and cuts prices for those who say 'please' and 'thank you'* | Daily Mail Online


Politeness in Spain often revolves around the way something is said and not pleases and thankyous and specific words. It is probably significant that the owner of the bar is originally from Colombia and it's true that the language in Colombia and other south american countries is generally softer, more formal and more polite.

I think it's a good gimmick, a good DM story and pretty silly.


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## Rabbitcat (Aug 31, 2014)

Well there's always two sides to these stories. Let's be honest some cafe owners can be very rude to the customers

This happened to me and I decided to get my own back.

Being Irish I do things differently so what I did was go to the cafe, order a big meal, paid for it and when the owner wasn't looking -I sneaked out without eating it.

That will teach him!!!


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## Chopera (Apr 22, 2013)

Lynn R said:


> I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.
> 
> Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!
> 
> Spanish cafe owner charges rude customers more and cuts prices for those who say 'please' and 'thank you'* | Daily Mail Online


I find it even harder to adopt the Spanish habit of interrupting.


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## Roy C (Sep 29, 2012)

I would find it difficult not to............, pleeeease!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Chopera said:


> I find it even harder to adopt the Spanish habit of interrupting.


If you know Spanish people who do that you'll do it to as a matter of survival! 
OH always accuses me of interrupting. It has to be said that it's not something that he does often.


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## mono (Jan 22, 2016)

I dont mind interuption. I come from a big family and we always do it


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## JulyB (Jul 18, 2011)

Lynn R said:


> I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.
> 
> Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!
> 
> Spanish cafe owner charges rude customers more and cuts prices for those who say 'please' and 'thank you'* | Daily Mail Online


It amused me, because they point out that the café owner is originally Colombian. Having known some Colombians, they are way keener on politeness and not swearing or using 'bad' words than most Spanish people. So, I guess she's maybe trying to bring a bit of that to Spain! 

It'll never catch on. And that's ok with me!


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## GrownupMomo (Nov 28, 2016)

there´s plenty of polite people here in spain and if i were to judge british people from my experience in Liverpool ill have to say you all are extremely rude... so please, please and thank you are said very often


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## 95995 (May 16, 2010)

Well, it's been a very long time since I lived in Spain, but I can say that when I did live there the Spanish did say 'buenos dias, que tal?', please and thank you in cafes and elsewhere (and that was in the South, including Malaga, in Alicante and Valencia, in Madrid, around Barcelona and elsewhere - it was tourists (certainly British tourists, but others also) who did not do so. I have no idea what the situation is now, but it surprises me to think that the Spanish would have changed soooo much. 

BTW here in France it's also the norm, and expected, to say bonjour (eg. to everyone in the bakery when you enter), to say please and thank you, plus to farewell everyone when you leave - except in the big cities where it's less common) (but again, tourists don't and many Brit expats living here don't).


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## ccm47 (Oct 15, 2013)

As EverHopful says Bonjour is normal in France. So much so that the pupils at pre-school have a clause written into their behaviour contract which says "I must say Bonjour to everybody when I arrive in the morning" and another that requires them to say "Au revoir" when they leave at night! Those 3 year olds will have good manners all their lives I think.
What wears me out is the end of the conversation whereby I am obliged to wish them "Have a good......" afternoon/ weekend/game of football/ shopping experience etc.etc. The American "Have a nice day or night" is just so much simpler.


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

It's been a long time since I was in France but I went a lot when I was younger. It was always impressed on me that you had to be extremely polite with your _Bonjour Madames_ and your_ merci beaucoups_, and always use the form _vous _instead of _tu_ until you were given permission. I don't know how much it's changed.

In my part of Andalucia, which is the next province along from Lynn,_ gracias_ is used a lot, but _por favor_ is mainly used to show sarcasm/incredulity, as in "Oh, _please!_ British tourists are sometimes referred to as _porfavoristas_ because they use it all the time. As PW said earlier, the tone of voice when asking for something that is more important than the words. They also use the diminutive e.g. _Ponme un cafelito_ (give me a coffee please).

Unless the person is clearly older than you, or in a position of authority, you use _tu_ rather than _usted_. 

I too would be interested to know whether other parts of Spain are different. I went to the north coast once but the were all speaking Basque so I had no idea what was going on!


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## mecanico (Nov 21, 2016)

*How Much!!*



Lynn R said:


> I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.
> 
> Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!
> 
> ...


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## jimenato (Nov 21, 2009)

Alcalaina said:


> It's been a long time since I was in France but I went a lot when I was younger. It was always impressed on me that you had to be extremely polite with your _Bonjour Madames_ and your_ merci beaucoups_, and always use the form _vous _instead of _tu_ until you were given permission. I don't know how much it's changed.
> 
> In my part of Andalucia, which is the next province along from Lynn,_ gracias_ is used a lot, but _por favor_ is mainly used to show sarcasm/incredulity, as in "Oh, _please!_ British tourists are sometimes referred to as _porfavoristas_ because they use it all the time. As PW said earlier, the tone of voice when asking for something that is more important than the words. They also use the diminutive e.g. _Ponme un cafelito_ (give me a coffee please).
> 
> ...


I love the use of _por favor_ like that - I think it translates best as _puh-lease_.

I always got the impression (and heard it said) that the Spanish get a bit fed up with Brits saying _gracias_ too much, particularly in situations like supermarket checkouts where it can get tiresome - particularly if each one begets a _de nada._


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## expat16 (Jun 11, 2016)

Lynn R said:


> I'm a big believer in "manners maketh the man (or woman)" and I find it hard to ditch the British habit of always saying please when asking for something, although it's not done by Spanish people, at least not in the part of Spain where I live.
> 
> Having just seen this story about a Spanish café owner charging higher prices to customers who aren't polite, I am wondering if it is more usual for Spanish people to use "please" in other parts of Spain. We do say "gracias" all the time down here and also greet waiting staff/shop assistants, so we're not entirely uncouth!
> 
> Spanish cafe owner charges rude customers more and cuts prices for those who say 'please' and 'thank you'* | Daily Mail Online


Hmm could be that 'please' can sort of be incorporated in the verb form and intonation used, for example, to me a 'me pone un cafe ?' has an implied 'please', where as 'ponme un cafe' is an order and rude. 

Anyway, I'm a por favor and gracias kind of person, which is one of the reasons why I prefer UK and Spain over where I live now - the Netherlands, cannot stand the lack of manners here.


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

The cultural difference of throwing a general greeting to everybody on entering anywhere (elevator, bar, health centre waiting area, etc.) goes a long way towards buying your acceptance in Spain. The norm here in a bar is, after your greeting, just giving your order either at the bar or if it is one where you sit first and a waiter takes the order, you then give a specific greeting to the waiter/ress but not usually with a por favor, however one usually says thank-you. On leaving the establishment one also gives a general goodbye.


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## Gran Erry-Bredd (Nov 1, 2016)

Sometimes when leaving an Establishment a farewell gesture with one or two fingers is considered appropriate.


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## Lolito (Aug 25, 2012)

Uhm... I, as a Spaniard, do say Thanks and Please quite often, not always, only when it is really the place to say it. I don't go overboard to say Thanks and Please all of the time, as probably, most of those times, I would say it just for the sake of saying it, without any meaning whatsoever. 

However, my time here in Spain, having an English partner and going out 50% of my time with Brits people, I do make sure I say Please and Thanks and Sorry ALL of the times, as I know they will always have something to say if I don't. 

When I go out with family of my Spanish friends, rarely say it as it is not needed at all in any circumstances. We won't go mad or get upset if my sister gives me a glass of water and I say nothing, my partner goes mad if I don't say it, but if I say it, my sister would reply 'stop saying Thanks and Please all the time, it is so annoying!'. 

Once, my cousin who came to see us recently, on saying Thanks to her for cooking for us one day (at our house), went mad, saying there was no need for us to say Thanks all the time when she is the one staying at our house, and that the way we said 'Thanks' sounded without any meaning to her, lol! - She said that 'guau! el cocido estaba buenísimo', (wow, the food was really good), was for her much appreciated that a boring simple THANKS. 

Can't win these days, but I take no notice anymore if someone gets upset if I say or don't say Thanks or Please. 

It is just our culture and the ways things are here, however, in saying that, if I go out to a restaurant or coffee bar, I do tend to say Thanks when they are serving me, keep them sweet, as I have worked in bars in the UK and you don't really want to know what we used to do with the food of those that were rude to us. Lol!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

EverHopeful said:


> Well, it's been a very long time since I lived in Spain, but I can say that when I did live there the Spanish did say 'buenos dias, que tal?', please and thank you in cafes and elsewhere (and that was in the South, including Malaga, in Alicante and Valencia, in Madrid, around Barcelona and elsewhere - it was tourists (certainly British tourists, but others also) who did not do so. I have no idea what the situation is now, but it surprises me to think that the Spanish would have changed soooo much.
> 
> BTW here in France it's also the norm, and expected, to say bonjour (eg. to everyone in the bakery when you enter), to say please and thank you, plus to farewell everyone when you leave - except in the big cities where it's less common) (but again, tourists don't and many Brit expats living here don't).


When asking for a coffee, beer, asking you to sign a paper, put a box down that's delivered etc. don't wait for the please as it more than often won't be there. And it sounds completely wrong too.
Por favor is most used to catch someone's attention in a bar, a doctor's waiting room...
You are likely to hear
Me firme aquí, Dejemelo aquí, me pone un café all said in a tone of correctness


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## 95995 (May 16, 2010)

Lolito said:


> Uhm... I, as a Spaniard, do say Thanks and Please quite often, not always, only when it is really the place to say it. I don't go overboard to say Thanks and Please all of the time, as probably, most of those times, I would say it just for the sake of saying it, without any meaning whatsoever.
> 
> However, my time here in Spain, having an English partner and going out 50% of my time with Brits people, I do make sure I say Please and Thanks and Sorry ALL of the times, as I know they will always have something to say if I don't.
> 
> ...


I think you make a good point re your cousin cooking for you. I find that in France too my French family don't expect you to say thank you for the meal but find it far more appropriate that you say how good it was, but they feel to prepare the meal is 'normal' (same if you are invited to celebrate something - you say what a good time you had rather than something along the lines of 'thanks for having me/us'). It's so long since I lived in the UK that I tend to forget how they are re please and thanks. But I do have an issue with 'sorry' - as it's mostly used when you have nothing to apologise for and seems to be a trap that women especially fall into (as if they have to apologise for daring to speak  ), or it's used without any meaning when you don't agree and want to put an opposing view. BTW I have Spanish family (by marriage) here and I often stay with them - they are just great, so warm and *genuine*.


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## 95995 (May 16, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> When asking for a coffee, beer, asking you to sign a paper, put a box down that's delivered etc. don't wait for the please as it more than often won't be there. And it sounds completely wrong too.
> Por favor is most used to catch someone's attention in a bar, a doctor's waiting room...
> You are likely to hear
> *Me firme aquí, Dejemelo aquí, me pone un café *all said in a tone of correctness


Absolutely, but Spanish allows you to say that without it being an order, which is not the case in English.


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## jimenato (Nov 21, 2009)

_Gimme a beer _is always wrong.:usa2:


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## The Skipper (Nov 26, 2014)

My Spanish neighbour is always saying "¡Por favor!" as an exclamation, rather like saying "No, surely not" in English. My Spanish friends say "Gracias" quite frequently but I don't here them say "por favor very often.


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

EverHopeful said:


> I think you make a good point re your cousin cooking for you. I find that in France too my French family don't expect you to say thank you for the meal but find it far more appropriate that you say how good it was, but they feel to prepare the meal is 'normal' (same if you are invited to celebrate something - you say what a good time you had rather than something along the lines of 'thanks for having me/us'). It's so long since I lived in the UK that I tend to forget how they are re please and thanks. But I do have an issue with 'sorry' - as it's mostly used when you have nothing to apologise for and seems to be a trap that women especially fall into (as if they have to apologise for daring to speak  ), or it's used without any meaning when you don't agree and want to put an opposing view. BTW I have Spanish family (by marriage) here and I often stay with them - they are just great, so warm and *genuine*.


My late f-i-l always said that every dish he was served was "delicious" even if he disliked it. The consequence was the m-i-l was always serving up things he disliked or even hated. I always say "Thank-you" to SWMBO even if I have prepared and cooked it myself. When she points that out and says "Why thank me?" to which I reply "For giving me the opportunity to get back in the kitchen and cook!"


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

I learned a new expression the other day. "¡Qué cumplida eres!" The context was that I insisted it was my turn to pay for the drinks because my friend had paid the last time we met. Basically I was behaving in a very English manner and insisting on following the social protocol. Not sure how it would translate into English, any ideas?


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

EverHopeful said:


> Absolutely, but Spanish allows you to say that without it being an order, which is not the case in English.


And as that was what we were talking about, and we weren't talking about English the post was spot on, wasn't it?


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Alcalaina said:


> I learned a new expression the other day. "¡Qué cumplida eres!" The context was that I insisted it was my turn to pay for the drinks because my friend had paid the last time we met. Basically I was behaving in a very English manner and insisting on following the social protocol. Not sure how it would translate into English, any ideas?


A stickler for the rules
doing things by the book

But I think _cumplida_ is nicer than that, more like being well mannered, doing things in the correct way, doing your duty.

Reliable perhaps?


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## 95995 (May 16, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> And as that was what we were talking about, and we weren't talking about English the post was spot on, wasn't it?


Yes, of course


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## 95995 (May 16, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> A stickler for the rules
> doing things by the book
> 
> But I think _cumplida_ is nicer than that, more like being well mannered, doing things in the correct way, doing your duty.
> ...


Yep, so polite, so thoughtful  You're so thoughtful!


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## Madliz (Feb 4, 2011)

I remember being thrown the first time I passed someone out walking and as I said 'Hola', she said, '¡Hasta luego!'. How can you say goodbye when you haven't said hello yet? 

My Spanish FiL got quite angry with me when the kids were little and I kept insisting on proper thank you's and writing thank you letter for presents. Funny how he almost found it rude.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Madliz said:


> I remember being thrown the first time I passed someone out walking and as I said 'Hola', she said, '¡Hasta luego!'. How can you say goodbye when you haven't said hello yet?
> 
> My Spanish FiL got quite angry with me when the kids were little and I kept insisting on proper thank you's and writing thank you letter for presents. Funny how he almost found it rude.


Exactly. A very good example of looking at it from the other side. British people get all hung up on the pleases and thankyous and think that many Spanish people are downright rude. It's easy to understand why. The please / thankyou business is almost in our blood. I can't stop saying please when asking for things after all these years.
However, many Spanish people actively dislike it. I don't know if it sounds false/ over the top/ redundant...

I've told the story before, but my mum and dad used to love going into an old hardware shop in our town. It was full of old fashioned stuff that was sometimes difficult to get back in the UK. It was a spit and sawdust type place with an old guy and his son running it. There was a wooden counter and every time you said something like I'll have 10 screws the old guy would thump them down on the counter with a face of stone, so
I'll have 10 of those screws -THUMP!
and a new head for the hoe - THUMP!
and a size xyz paintbrush - THUMP!
(and Four candles)
Dad asked why he did it and the only thing I could think of was pride and I think I was right. Dad enjoyed the ritual and would look forward to going to the grumpy old man shop
He didn't get any pleases and thankyous, he wouldn't have known what to do with them, but he did get a lot of repeat customers.
It has to be said he didn't tell me to "have a nice day" thank goodness!


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## The Skipper (Nov 26, 2014)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Exactly. A very good example of looking at it from the other side. British people get all hung up on the pleases and thankyous and think that many Spanish people are downright rude. It's easy to understand why. The please / thankyou business is almost in our blood. I can't stop saying please when asking for things after all these years.
> However, many Spanish people actively dislike it. I don't know if it sounds false/ over the top/ redundant...
> 
> I've told the story before, but my mum and dad used to love going into an old hardware shop in our town. It was full of old fashioned stuff that was sometimes difficult to get back in the UK. It was a spit and sawdust type place with an old guy and his son running it. There was a wooden counter and every time you said something like I'll have 10 screws the old guy would thump them down on the counter with a face of stone, so
> ...


I have a similar story about a "spit and sawdust" pub. Many years ago I met a friend, a brilliant criminal lawyer, in a pub called the Seven Stars in St Austell, Cornwall. I arrived early, ordered a pint and asked the landlord what food was available. "This is a pub not a f***ing restaurant," came the reply! When my friend arrived I asked him why he suggested meeting in such an awful place. "Where do you think I get my clients from," he replied. You didn't hear too many people saying please or thank you there!


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## Chopera (Apr 22, 2013)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Exactly. A very good example of looking at it from the other side. British people get all hung up on the pleases and thankyous and think that many Spanish people are downright rude. It's easy to understand why. The please / thankyou business is almost in our blood. I can't stop saying please when asking for things after all these years.
> However, many Spanish people actively dislike it. I don't know if it sounds false/ over the top/ redundant...
> 
> I've told the story before, but my mum and dad used to love going into an old hardware shop in our town. It was full of old fashioned stuff that was sometimes difficult to get back in the UK. It was a spit and sawdust type place with an old guy and his son running it. There was a wooden counter and every time you said something like I'll have 10 screws the old guy would thump them down on the counter with a face of stone, so
> ...


Any excuse...


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## The slow walkers (Nov 10, 2015)

Madliz said:


> I remember being thrown the first time I passed someone out walking and as I said 'Hola', she said, '¡Hasta luego!'. How can you say goodbye when you haven't said hello yet?
> 
> My Spanish FiL got quite angry with me when the kids were little and I kept insisting on proper thank you's and writing thank you letter for presents. Funny how he almost found it rude.


We've been coming on holidays to the same village in Spain since 2009 but this year, we've retired and have spent the last three months here.

The people are so friendly and always reply with "Hola" until this visit, when we began to notice the odd reply to "Hola" was "Adios". We pondered on this for a little while and tried to think what the reason might be but couldn't come up with anything. We met up with a friend and asked about this and he said it was simply that the "Adios" was because we'd only said "Hola" and therefore, as far as that person wasn't expecting any further conversation. 

Later the same week, we saw the same person and said "Hola, buena" and she replied Buena, lluvia hoy pero no frio". From there, we got into a small conversation over the weather and got a wave when we walked away.


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## KayPee07 (Dec 1, 2016)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Politeness in Spain often revolves around the way something is said and not pleases and thankyous and specific words. It is probably significant that the owner of the bar is originally from Colombia and it's true that the language in Colombia and other south american countries is generally softer, more formal and more polite.
> 
> I think it's a good gimmick, a good DM story and pretty silly.




I can say from experience traveling through Central and Latin America that formality and politeness are the norm. I've been told that this is a legacy of Spanish cultural. Oh - and particularly the proper grammatical case (if you speak Spanish at all).

Just a tidbit. Curious to hear from people in Spain what cultural norms are 

Gracias


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