# Should I leave Tokyo/ Japan



## fedupp

I've been thinking for 5 or so months about leaving Japan but I keep going back and forward on my decision. 

*My questions:*
If you could share your reasons why you left or decided to stay when you were debating to yourself the choices, it would be much appreciated. Also what happened to you after you left? Any regrets? Or the best choice you ever made?

*My reasons:*
I want to leave because I am just not happy here. I am a Canadian woman in my late twenties and I've lived in Japan for 4 years.

I have a decent job but no idea how to grow my career, how to get promoted, what my tasks are, what the criteria for pretty much anything from pay increase to responsibility increase are. 

I have a few good friends that I really cherish but most relationships here I find are very superficial.

I hate doing everything on my own while holding a full time job and I have not had much luck with men in Japan. 

I hate it that so many married men approach me here. 

I don't like how the ones that I did end up in relationships with or trusted enough to let into my life are spoiled from all the Japanese girls making themselves easy and available to foreign men. These men end up with inflated egos thinking that they can talk any way to a woman and be disrespectful and treat us as if we are disposable. 

In summary, I see no future for me in my current company, but it's better than being jobless back in Canada. So that is blocking me a bit. 

I hate how men treat foreign women here, but I do like my independence and autonomy and living in one of the most famous, clean, interesting cities in the world. Although not too fun to explore on your own, or even worse, not being able to afford any of what I would really like to. 

I hate how shallow people can be, kind but shallow, especially the girls. Having a meaningful or intelligent conversation is rare here unless with other foreigners and a few Japanese exceptions. 

I want to leave but I have invested myself so much in the country that it is hard to say good bye. Feels like a bad relationship/ marriage.


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## BBCWatcher

Does your company offer any job opportunities in other countries/locations, or does it only do business in domestic/local Japan?


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## jTea

I wouldn't recommend staying in any place you're unhappy with. Without the motivation and drive, the chances of you improving your lifestyle is slim to none. If the reasons that attracted you to Japan in the first place are gone, it's most likely time to move on.

As for the investment, it sucks but much like you said, it's no different from a 4 year relationship. I know how much it sucks to lose out putting that much time into something and then "throwing" it away but a few years later, I now realize all the good that came out of it. My point being, while it won't be immediate, change can be for the better.

I'm not sure what your options are but I would recommend you figure out what it is exactly you want and go from there. You gave all the reasons on why you came to the decision of whether or not to leave but no information as to what you're really trying to do. It's hard for someone to recommend to you what you can do with limited information. Also, seeing what the decision did for other people might make you feel better about whatever decision you make but you have to consider every other factor that made the decision good or bad.


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## maruo

I understand it will be really difficult to get promoted for non japanese people. if you are not happy there, i would recommend you to go back to your country. follow your heart.


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## kakutoudamashii

I agree. If you are unhappy, it may be a good time for change.

I returned to the US 5yrs ago (when I was 29) after living in Japan for 12yrs. Long story but the bulk of my frustrations came from the lack of possibilities to advance at the same pace career-wise.

I miss Japan and try to get back once a year. But ultimately I'm happy I moved back.

Maybe returning home go Canada or trying out life in a new country would be a nice change of pace?


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## Narue86

I completely understand you even though I have been in Japan only one year. The discrimination and sexism against women (and especially the treatment foreign women receive) just makes me sick.

Lucky me I work for an American company who has given me the opportunity to enhance my career by building my own team here in Tokyo. But I also work with Japanese people in my office and their daily discrimination makes it difficult not to want to throw everything away and leave the country.

I am in my late twenties too and despite being here one year I have already learnt that there are little chances I might find a partner here. After 1 year I can only call "friend" one person. My loneliness and frutration is just growing bigger every day. I am planning to ask my company to transfer me anywhere else in a year (they would not let me go now, since I got here only 11 months ago).

So go and take your time, decide what's next and jump on it if you are sure about it. I do not think Japan has ANYTHING to offer to young professional and self-suficient women but discrimination, misunderstanding and endless frustration.

You are young and talented. Don't waste your talent where they can't value it.

Good luck~


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## Meritorious-MasoMenos

feddup, Four years is way long enough to tell whether you want to stay permanently in a foreign land. You should leave. I imagine you speak Japanese, but even if not, I imagine that your skills and experience will be of value to a Canadian company that operates in Japan. That could very well mean returning to Japan on business, and if so, that would mean on an expense account. That would give you the financial background to do a lot of the things you can't do now. More importantly, you would probably start off at a Canadian company at a much higher level than other people in their late 20s.


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## wabisabi

*From Japanese*

I didn't read all sentence. But I'm sure you should leave tokyo. The best place to live is Nagano, I think. You can reach Tokyo only 1 hour if you need.


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