# Cat Calls



## hadnuf (Jun 27, 2009)

This may be a trivial question, but… We’ll be visiting Ajijic for a week in May and accompanying us will be our very beautiful (I’m not just saying that because I’m her uncle), half Mexican-American, thirty-something niece. I love most aspects of Mexican culture, but the one thing I’ve never been able to digest is the ogling and cat calling toward women. My Anglo-Puritan upbringing just can’t allow me to accept that as respectable behavior for gentlemen. Since my wife is a gray-headed little old lady it’s never been a big issue for us, but I suspect it will be with our niece along. It won’t bother her as much as it does me, and all I want to know is how I should react: Ignore, laugh, give them the evil eye? What’s appropriate?


----------



## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

Just smile and let your niece handle it in her own way.


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

RVGRINGO said:


> Just smile and let your niece handle it in her own way.


Good advice, though I think that ignoring these jerks is the best way to go.


----------



## Hound Dog (Jan 18, 2009)

hadnuf said:


> This may be a trivial question, but… We’ll be visiting Ajijic for a week in May and accompanying us will be our very beautiful (I’m not just saying that because I’m her uncle), half Mexican-American, thirty-something niece. I love most aspects of Mexican culture, but the one thing I’ve never been able to digest is the ogling and cat calling toward women. My Anglo-Puritan upbringing just can’t allow me to accept that as respectable behavior for gentlemen. Since my wife is a gray-headed little old lady it’s never been a big issue for us, but I suspect it will be with our niece along. It won’t bother her as much as it does me, and all I want to know is how I should react: Ignore, laugh, give them the evil eye? What’s appropriate?





If that nonsense is what is worrying you, I suggest a Greyhound to Birmingham or Toledo. The catcalls are a phenomenon in all Latin cultures and if you can´t cope with that minor annoyance; stay in Hooterville. You will find the catcalls to be the most overblown problem you may experience here in Mexico and if that is what worries you, you should not travel anywhere.


----------



## hadnuf (Jun 27, 2009)

Hound Dog said:


> If that nonsense is what is worrying you, I suggest a Greyhound to Birmingham or Toledo. The catcalls are a phenomenon in all Latin cultures and if you can´t cope with that minor annoyance; stay in Hooterville. You will find the catcalls to be the most overblown problem you may experience here in Mexico and if that is what worries you, you should not travel anywhere.


No need to be a jerk about it. It was a perfectly innocent question. I have visited several Latin cultures and am quite aware that is a common phenomenon. I am only interested in learning more about appropriate behavior there in order to better fit in as opposed to imposing my values on other cultures. 

Thanks to the rest of you for you reasonable and pleasant answers.


----------



## Hound Dog (Jan 18, 2009)

hadnuf said:


> No need to be a jerk about it. It was a perfectly innocent _question. I have visited several Latin cultures and am quite aware that is a common phenomenon. I am only interested in learning more about appropriate behavior there in order to better fit in as opposed to imposing my values on other cultures.
> 
> Thanks to the rest of you for you reasonable and pleasant answers._




If you are experienced in latin cultures but have not as of yet figured out the appropriate behavior to mitigate this common but innocuous problem of "catcalls" in those cultures, then why are you unable to cope with a response from a "jerk" suggesting that, as you travel around the planet, you become accustomed to deaing l with behavior with which you are inexperienced or simply stay home?


----------



## vantexan (Sep 4, 2011)

Hound Dog said:


> [/I]
> 
> If you are experienced in latin cultures but have not as of yet figured out the appropriate behavior to mitigate this common but innocuous problem of "catcalls" in those cultures, then why are you unable to cope with a response from a "jerk" suggesting that, as you travel around the planet, you become accustomed to deaing l with behavior with which you are inexperienced or simply stay home?


The paradox of being an American: we're considered uncouth ethnocentric rubes when we travel abroad but if we ask for advice about situations we're uncomfortable with we're told to stay home if we don't like it by those more "enlightened".


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

My wife is a young 30 something Mexican with dark skin from Oaxaca. She is gorgeous...really she is. She gets cat calls all of the time, however only when I am trailing 30ft in back or front of her. When I am within 2ft and they know we are together, then it does not happen. Read into that what you will.


----------



## hadnuf (Jun 27, 2009)

Hound Dog said:


> [/I]
> 
> If you are experienced in latin cultures but have not as of yet figured out the appropriate behavior to mitigate this common but innocuous problem of "catcalls" in those cultures, then why are you unable to cope with a response from a "jerk" suggesting that, as you travel around the planet, you become accustomed to deaing l with behavior with which you are inexperienced or simply stay home?


I have witnessed the phenomenon a lot but never experienced it personally since my wife and I are “older folk.” Anticipating that my niece will draw a lot of attention, and being the protective uncle that I am, I was merely seeking a little advice re: how I might appropriately react. Really not a big deal, and others on this forum provided me with helpful advice that I am completely satisfied with. Again I will say: It was a perfectly innocent question.

Hoping to someday retire in Mexico, I follow a lot of these expat forums, though I rarely contribute (for obvious reasons). It seems there are always a few guys who have adopted this holier-than-thou, I’m superior because I already live here and already know everything, I’m much more worldly and tolerant than all you narrow-minded greenhorns -- attitude. Be my guest: Wallow in your delusion of superiority if it makes you feel better about yourself.


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

hadnuf said:


> I have witnessed the phenomenon a lot but never experienced it personally since my wife and I are “older folk.” Anticipating that my niece will draw a lot of attention, and being the protective uncle that I am, I was merely seeking a little advice re: how I might appropriately react. Really not a big deal, and others on this forum provided me with helpful advice that I am completely satisfied with. Again I will say: It was a perfectly innocent question.
> 
> Hoping to someday retire in Mexico, I follow a lot of these expat forums, though I rarely contribute (for obvious reasons). It seems there are always a few guys who have adopted this holier-than-thou, I’m superior because I already live here and already know everything, I’m much more worldly and tolerant than all you narrow-minded greenhorns -- attitude. Be my guest: Wallow in your delusion of superiority if it makes you feel better about yourself.


My advice as a young wiper snapper is to stay close to her. Not that she is in any danger, but just to thwart off the cat calls. I have seen if the male knows that another male that is related some how to the young woman is close to her, that they will not make any noise. Also it would be wise that the young woman not were provocative clothing out by herself....again...not that she is in any danger, however more so just to avoid the attention all together.


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

conorkilleen said:


> My advice as a young wiper snapper is to stay close to her. Not that she is in any danger, but just to thwart off the cat calls. I have seen if the male knows that another male that is related some how to the young woman is close to her, that they will not make any noise. Also it would be wise that the young woman not were provocative clothing out by herself....again...not that she is in any danger, however more so just to avoid the attention all together.



That sounds a bit like the reasoning that conservative Muslims and very Orthodox Jews use when telling women how to dress when they're out in public, not that I think wearing a bikini on the streets of Ajijic is a good idea!


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

Isla Verde said:


> That sounds a bit like the reasoning that conservative Muslims and very Orthodox Jews use when telling women how to dress when they're out in public, not that I think wearing a bikini on the streets of Ajijic is a good idea!


My point is don't have her going out on the streets looking like your typical gringa at Spring Break in Cancun.


----------



## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

My advice: Don't mind about that
Once again, your niece will know how to handle it
You cannot walk with her everywhere
My daughter is a very tall, slim, gorgeous girl, 21, and she handles it perfectly
She's a 3rd degree black belt by the way


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

The proper way to handle cat calls is to totally ignore them. If you have any reaction you are playing into the hands of the guys who just want to be agknowledge or get attention or get a way to speak to the woman
If she is with you I doubt that she will get cat calls because that would be disrespectul of you.

Catcalls are common in all Latin cultures and are annoying but no big deal. If anyone makes a cat call when she is with you look sternly at the men or biys and they will want to disappear.

The way a woman dresses is also important. I was around a beautiful 19 year old for two month who dressed modestly and I saw men look at her but I did not hear a peep out of them, Maybe the reason is that I was with her but shorts and high hells shorts skirts and or very tight jeans will attact more attention.


Like it or not Isla that is the way some men thinks. If you show a lot of skin you are out for grab.


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

citlali said:


> If anyone makes a cat call when she is with you look sternly at the men or biys and they will want to disappear.


This is true. I sometimes pre-empt the cat call by eyeballing them first. The look on their face is priceless. I have no problem acting as the dominant male in those situations.


----------



## ojosazules11 (Nov 3, 2013)

I used to get catcalls in Newton, Kansas many a year ago. Not from Latinos and I didn't wear provocative clothing. I just ignored them and kept walking. The bum pinches in Italy were a bit over the top. I'd try to preempt the potential pinch with evasive maneuvres, but not always successful. Sometimes I'd give an icy stare, but usually I completely ignored the creep perpetrating the pinch. 

I discovered early on that the "assets" that I tried to hide with my loose, flowy skirts were "appreciated" in Latin America. A female friend in Guatemala who saw me in jeans for the first time said I really should wear Lycra - according to her if I donned Lycra pants I would "stop traffic" then she said, "No, you'll cause traffic accidents." Needless to say I did not heed her advice. 

I agree with conorkilleen. I don't recall getting catcalls when with a male - friend, relative, whatever. I've gotten plenty when on my own, but I decided a long time ago to just ignore them. I didn't see the point of spending emotional energy getting mad (which I did at first, but learned to let it be like water off a duck's back).


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

The boys when I was a kids would make it a game to catcalls the girls and they would made poin
t if the girl respondded, more point if she smiles or laughed and they would really scored if she spoke. It is all a game and the girls are taught from very young to ignore them.

The best I saw was a couple of boys whisling and saying what a beauty at one of my friend everyday when she was going by. One day she told to shut up when they say "what abeauty" and one of the boy said "not you the truck"! We had to laugh at that one and I am sure they got many points for that one.

One good way to get rid off of the pinchers in the metro was to stump on their toes with our stiletoe hills. That took care of them as a rule, you just had to make sure you hit the right guy.


----------



## Longford (May 25, 2012)

I get cat calls all the time, from women as I travel through the country. I'm always embarassed that it's me they're calling after, when so many younger guys on the street seem to be ignored. Then again, it's mostly the _Marias _who are calling after me ... asking for money! :rockon:


----------



## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

We are suggesting what to do, she is a 30 something woman
She will know what to do in a second!
I guess she's been living in the civilization, anywhere in the world, and not in a convent


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

Gary you have a very good point. Anyone past teenage age worrying or paying attention to or being bothered by cat callers should get a hobby or a husband...

I cannot imagine someone in their thirties not knowing how to handle a bunch of kids or simple minded guys whistling at women...


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

I personally think that cat calling is culturally innocent only when kept respectable. I don't mind guys looking at my wife or the occasional quick whistle out of the side of the mouth. I'll take that as a compliment to my taste in women. They may be curious about or even jealous that such a beautiful Mexican national would be with a white guy. I'll draw the line where I see fit if the cat-calling crosses the line to sexual harassment....where in Latin culture is a fine line.


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

I think there are women who like it when men stare at them like they've never seen a woman before!


----------



## Longford (May 25, 2012)

Some of the 'cat calls' I've witnessed are obscene, and some of those doing the 'calling' follow behind some of the women almost to the point of harassment. I find it interesting that one or more of the women here are so insensitive to the issue. Making excuses, or dismissing bad behavior ... is an expression of ignorance, IMO.


----------



## lagoloo (Apr 12, 2011)

Any woman who's walked past a construction site in the U.S. knows about catcalls. Male birds expanding chests and strutting. If you ignore them, they get tired of the game.
If she's dressed like a hooker....the catcalls shouldn't come as a surprise.

The uncle is just asking an innocent question about how to deal with it. Why anyone doesn't "get" that and instead, takes the opportunity to insult him, says more about him than about the OP.

I'm sure the girl knows how to deal with this already.


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

Nobody is out to insult the uncle or aunt. The woman is 30 not 15 so it is just a little strange that someone would be that protective about a 30 year old woman and would feel that protective.


----------



## hadnuf (Jun 27, 2009)

It looks to me that some of you are so eager to slam someone when you don't even read the original post. My niece is totally savvy. You are all right; she knows her way around and will know exactly what to do. My question was what should I, the uncle, do? I'm not all stressed out about it. I'm not worried. I'm not in a quandary. My panties are not in a wad. The whole thing is not very important, and I sorta stated that right up front. I just thought I'd ask what is socially acceptable for folks in my circumstance. Ask it another way: How would a native Mexican uncle react/respond if he were with his beautiful niece? Or would he react at all? That's it; nothing more. Nada mas.


----------



## conorkilleen (Apr 28, 2010)

Like I had mentioned, I do not react unless the cat calling crosses a certain line. I have only been put in the reaction situation about half a dozen times and usually turns out that the perp cowers and slumps away back into their "hole". I am not a scary looking guy, but in my past life I have years of experience disarming situations of graver nature.


----------



## chicois8 (Aug 8, 2009)

hadnuf, DO NOT, I repete DO NOT take her to Italy........nuf said.....


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

chicois8 said:


> hadnuf, DO NOT, I repete DO NOT take her to Italy........nuf said.....


Years ago my favorite aunt was then in her sixties and traveled several times to Italy on her own. Once a "gentleman" gave her the eye and then followed her all the way to her hotel, not really a stalker, just very Italian. Needless to say, my aunt was amused, and perhaps a bit flattered.


----------



## hadnuf (Jun 27, 2009)

chicois8 said:


> hadnuf, DO NOT, I repete DO NOT take her to Italy........nuf said.....


 I clearly gave the wrong impression about my niece. She is tough. She could easily beat the stuffing out of me -- and most grown men. She is also much richer than me, so if anybody takes anybody to Italy it will be her taking me!


----------



## JoanneR2 (Apr 18, 2012)

Isla Verde said:


> That sounds a bit like the reasoning that conservative Muslims and very Orthodox Jews use when telling women how to dress when they're out in public, not that I think wearing a bikini on the streets of Ajijic is a good idea!


Absolutely. My children (girls aged 23 and 21) come over regularly and go out in DF without us and to the beach. They may get hassled but have never mentioned it to us and seem to love it here. They're not that easy to intimidate and both are very used to living in big cities as they are based in London. However, they were also brought up to be confident, careful and to ignore or laugh off unwelcome attention. J


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

JoanneR2 said:


> Absolutely. My children (girls aged 23 and 21) come over regularly and go out in DF without us and to the beach. They may get hassled but have never mentioned it to us and seem to love it here. They're not that easy to intimidate and both are very used to living in big cities as they are based in London. However, they were also brought up to be confident, careful and to ignore or laugh off unwelcome attention. J


Now that I'm of the "tercera edad", I rarely get stared at by men when I'm out and about but on my first trips to Mexico when I was in my twenties that did happen, so I quickly learned not to walk down the street smiling at random strangers. My American friends who did walk around smiling at all and sundry were always complaining about being approached by strange men on the street.


----------



## JoanneR2 (Apr 18, 2012)

Isla Verde said:


> Now that I'm of the "tercera edad", I rarely get stared at by men when I'm out and about but on my first trips to Mexico when I was in my twenties that did happen, so I quickly learned not to walk down the street smiling at random strangers. My American friends who did walk around smiling at all and sundry were always complaining about being approached by strange men on the street.


I suspect one scowl from my youngest would be enough to deter anyone. She certainly frightens me when she's not happy. Pretty though


----------



## Longford (May 25, 2012)

citlali said:


> Nobody is out to insult the uncle or aunt. The woman is 30 not 15 so it is just a little strange that someone would be that protective about a 30 year old woman and would feel that protective.


Not surprising, at all. What's surprising to me ... is your response. Insulting women may be commonplace in Chiapas, and maybe the indigenous women there find it not so much of an offense. I doubt that, though. Maybe I've misunderstood the tone/intent of your comments.


----------



## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

conorkilleen said:


> I personally think that cat calling is culturally innocent only when kept respectable. I don't mind guys looking at my wife or the occasional quick whistle out of the side of the mouth. I'll take that as a compliment to my taste in women. They may be curious about or even jealous that such a beautiful Mexican national would be with a white guy. I'll draw the line where I see fit if the cat-calling crosses the line to sexual harassment....where in Latin culture is a fine line.


How was that?
That such a beautiful Mexican national would be with a white guy?
Don't we have white fellows in Mexico?

Maybe that's an American thing, a little while ago, I was meeting an American guy I was selling a car to and I asked how could I recognize him, he said: I will be the only ****** around. Yes, he was pasty white. But then I told him I was looking for a black guy, he was startled by my comment and reminded me that he was going to be the only ****** around. This has happened to me several times now.

As if gringos did not come in all colors and shapes

Or as if Mexicans were still amazed by fair complexions and beards. We should carry color glasses, just in case


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

GARYJ65 said:


> Or as if Mexicans were still amazed by fair complexions and beards. We should carry color glasses, just in case


I hate to break it to you Gary, but many Mexican men I have met here are interested in me partly because I am a "gringa blanca". And if I were a blonde, think of how many more dates I would have!


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

Longford I have no clue what you are talking about.


----------



## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

Isla Verde said:


> I hate to break it to you Gary, but many Mexican men I have met here are interested in me partly because I am a "gringa blanca". And if I were a blonde, think of how many more dates I would have!


I know, but we do have white blonde women here too, as well as white blonde men
Santiago Creel, my mother, my mother in law, many cousins 
And we do not make a fuzz when a Mexican dates a white guy

Besides, besides being a guerita, you are a very nice lady, hence the interest


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

GARYJ65 said:


> I know, but we do have white blonde women here too, as well as white blonde men
> Santiago Creel, my mother, my mother in law, many cousins
> And we do not make a fuzz when a Mexican dates a white guy
> 
> Besides, besides being a guerita, you are a very nice lady, hence the interest


I know that, Gary, but most Mexicans are not white and do not have naturally blonde hair. 

Thanks for the compliment, Gary, I appreciate it!


----------



## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

La Isla, how about become a blonde.. Think of all the fun you are missing!


----------



## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

citlali said:


> La Isla, how about become a blonde.. Think of all the fun you are missing!


I don't think I could deal with much more fun at the moment, thank you very much!


----------

