# Advice on personal life?



## expatable123

I am hoping to maybe move out to Japan after I graduate from college, and with my major being in education I could maybe land a career in TESL. My question is though regarding relationships for people who are looking to move overseas or something like that. If this is what your goal is, then do you think that it would be wise to avoid dating at all in the time before you go seeing as the distance would cause a problem? I mean what right would I have to make someone feel as if they were forced to uproot themselves because of dating? Also, does this mean that I should just deny myself the chance altogether until I would get my life more organized wherever? I know a lot of this is something I would need to figure out for myself, but I cant help but plea for a second opinion on all of this. 

Domo arigatou!


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## Clasevilla

I don't think you really need the advice, you just want someone to affirm your decision..


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## SBI Mizpah1330

You can PM me so we can exchange contact details. I'm a counselor for a training company that deals with variety of program. perhaps I could assist you in all your questions. Hope to hear from you soon.


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## xenocrisis0153

are you considering dating a Japanese girl in Japan? Is that your question? How long are you planning on staying in Japan?


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## larabell

Yeah... I'm not clear if the issue is relationships that might form before moving to Japan or after. But I don't think that matters. Either way, relocation is going to have an effect on any ongoing relationships. I don't think one should avoid the potential joy of a relationship just because it's possible that joy may someday come to an end.

What's important is honesty. Make sure anyone you hook up with knows that there is likely to be a relocation in the future. Some partners won't have a problem with that and those that do will know in advance so they can make their own decision how serious to let the relationship get. And, who knows, you may find someone who actually wants to make the move along with you. Just don't expect that to happen and don't intentionally hide the fact that you're planning to relocate in order to lead the other person on.

As to whether you can maintain a long-distance relationship... that depends on the person. I've known some people who can handle that fairly well but you have to assume that with two people on opposite sides of the planet, it's not going to last forever.

If you're talking about forming a relationship while in Japan, make sure you take things slowly. It's likely that neither of you will completely understand the other's culture and it's all too common that we assume certain things about our partner without much discussion (because certain things are just "understood" when you both come from the same culture). You can find happiness in a cross-cultural relationship but it requires a lot more work. Especially when you're talking long-term, like kids and schools and manners and all sorts of things you'd never dream would become issues. Tread carefully, for sure. But don't think you have to become a hermit just because you want to spend a few years in Japan. That's a decision you're likely to regret.


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## larabell

In my experience, most people who first decide to come to Japan and then start looking for something they can do here (ie: "maybe land a career in TESL") are coming for pleasure, not business.


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