# Weddings in Spain



## Guest (May 13, 2010)

Ok folks, last week I was asking about funerals. This week, something a bit happier: weddings.

My churri and I are starting to think about what the next step involves. The "worst part" about him? He's from Spain, and I'm not. This makes things fun - trying to figure out wedding customs, etc. in a country where you've only been to one wedding. Well, that and we're going to have to do something in each country.

Folks who have already been through this process: How did it go for you? Should I start selling my internal organs now, or is that not necessary here? Do I have to bring my suegra dress shopping here? Does a wedding dress exist in this country for less than 800EUR? Can I please just do the meal in a _sidrería_, or would that be a huge sin? Think anyone will be able to detect the protestant in the chapel the day I get married? (Shh, don't tell grandma-in-law!) 

Extra-super bonus points from any non-EU citizens who have any input on the extra "_pegas_" we not-so-lucky folks have to face in this process. 

:confused2: Thanks in advance for any possible advice. I'm lost, and I haven't really got any female friends here who aren't part of my family - and I think they're a bit biased when they give me wedding advice  (I dared to mention the word "_juzgados_" and it went over terribly. Oops.)


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## gus-lopez (Jan 4, 2010)

No , I've only done funerals.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Did the wedding, did it in Bilbao, but did it in the juzgados which was a _terrible_ disappointment for MIL as it was eldest son etc, but she took it as well as she could and the reception was small (48 people) but fab in The Mendikokoa (SP?) in Durango complete with trikitresha (not spelt right but traditional Basque trio) playing between courses. Paperwork was bit of a trial at times and at one point I was in tears in front of the funcionario when she happened to notice the name on the form. Night turned to day. "You wouldn't happen to be María Luisa's son'", she said. "Ah yes, she told me her son was having a civil wedding..." No problems with papers from then on...
Goog Luck!!


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

Exciting times.  

Can't advise you on the actual wedding itself - been to both kinds (church and civil) and know it can be an absolute pain with the paperwork even for Spanish nationals. 

Re the wedding dress for 800euros or less - yes you can! Did the "wedding dress hunt" last year with a cousin's fiancee (such fun that was ) and managed to find quite a few boutiques who held on to the previous season's unsold stock and were selling them at reduced prices.....obviously if it was a bit big or whatever, they would then make the alterations.... However, are you talking about 800euros for just the dress or the whole "ensemble"?!?! Shoes, veil, accessories, undies.... Google some of the wedding shops in your area and make a few phone calls - ask them when they hold their rebajas and happy hunting!! 

So you're the only protestant in the church? No big deal as long as the priest is happy to marry you - I think generally for a church wedding you have to be baptised and confirmed, but not 100% sure. Check out the parroquia and have a word with the cura who'll take you through all the requirements. Be aware that here you usually have "couples relationship guidance" with the priest. Some priests can be particularly hard nosed - our cousins who married last year were not allowed to get married in the place they wanted to initially because the priest of that parish refused and the alternative priest that they wanted to marry them could not then marry them in that church because he was not able to obtain permission from the parish priest.....and without that permission the marriage is invalid. This might seem a bit extreme and improbable, but do bear it in mind as in the case of the above example, it's clear that the parish priest would also have to put pen to paper for Santiago (church HQ here ) to register the marriage etc.

Regarding holding the reception in a sidreria?? Why the hell not. It's only those that give their opinions and freely that might comment .... and if you're going to please all the people all of the time, you would never celebrate and enjoy YOUR DAY. Do what you want to do hon. I think to be honest the cost for receptions (including those for communiones and bautizos) is absolutely bloody ridiculous. Although recently announced crisis effects have more than halved these. So maybe people won't comment after all??!



last note : If you're going down the church route, get a priest on board as soon as possible - as they are not only the ones who marry you, but your primary administrator so far as doing things right and registering it all etc. If you like, the "gestor" of the wedding process in Spain. Or God's secretary


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## Joppa (Sep 7, 2009)

Tallulah said:


> So you're the only protestant in the church? No big deal as long as the priest is happy to marry you - I think generally for a church wedding you have to be baptised and confirmed, but not 100% sure. Check out the parroquia and have a word with the cura who'll take you through all the requirements. Be aware that here you usually have "couples relationship guidance" with the priest. Some priests can be particularly hard nosed - our cousins who married last year were not allowed to get married in the place they wanted to initially because the priest of that parish refused and the alternative priest that they wanted to marry them could not then marry them in that church because he was not able to obtain permission from the parish priest.....and without that permission the marriage is invalid. This might seem a bit extreme and improbable, but do bear it in mind as in the case of the above example, it's clear that the parish priest would also have to put pen to paper for Santiago (church HQ here ) to register the marriage etc.
> 
> last note : If you're going down the church route, get a priest on board as soon as possible - as they are not only the ones who marry you, but your primary administrator so far as doing things right and registering it all etc. If you like, the "gestor" of the wedding process in Spain. Or God's secretary


A mixed marriage (where one of the partners isn't a baptised Catholic) requires a dispensation (official permission) from the Bishop of the diocese where the wedding is to take place (this is the rule under universal Canon Law). The parish priest who is going to marry you has to initiate the application to the local chancery (church law office), and the Catholic partner has to make two solemn promises in writing - that he or she will do their utmost to preserve their Catholic faith, and undertake to have any children baptised and brought up as RC, and the non-Catholic partner is made aware of this undertaking in writing (but doesn't have to promise anything). As a non-catholic, you normally need to submit your baptismal certificate (confirmation isn't required), and usually you have to get one afresh from the church where you were baptised, as it has to be dated within 6 months of proposed marriage (this is because in RC church, details of any sacraments you have subsequently received, such as confirmation and marriage, are entered on the margin of the baptismal register and reproduced when a copy is made - this acts as a check against illegal or irregular marriage). If you have great difficulty getting hold of your certificate, mention it to the priest and he can fill a form of dispensation. It gets more complicated if either of you has been married before (in Catholic church or not) and former partner is still living. Then you need to go through an annulment procedure (if the previous marriage was recognised as valid by the Catholic church) or certification of non-validity.
Also look at the US embassy in Spain site abount any information about marriage of US citizens in Spain.


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## Bevdeforges (Nov 16, 2007)

Seeing as where you are American, I'll jump in here with one big caution - I'm not sure about Spain, but in much of Europe, you are required to have a civil ceremony first, normally at the town hall or marriage registry office. That's the only legal requirement. 

If you want to do the church thing, then contact your local church, but it's entirely optional (and subject to whatever requirements the church you select wants to place on you - like conversion, attending classes or "counseling sessions" in religion, etc.). And whatever sort of party, reception, dinner or whatever is however you want it.

For whatever reason, the US Embassy in Madrid website lists "Marriage" as the first among their "non-emergency services" here: American Citizen Services - Non-Emergency Services
Cheers,
Bev


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## Joppa (Sep 7, 2009)

Bevdeforges said:


> Seeing as where you are American, I'll jump in here with one big caution - I'm not sure about Spain, but in much of Europe, you are required to have a civil ceremony first, normally at the town hall or marriage registry office. That's the only legal requirement.
> 
> If you want to do the church thing, then contact your local church, but it's entirely optional (and subject to whatever requirements the church you select wants to place on you - like conversion, attending classes or "counseling sessions" in religion, etc.). And whatever sort of party, reception, dinner or whatever is however you want it.


In Spain, a Catholic priest can officiate at a legally-binding wedding ceremony, and no prior civil ceremony is required. He will have to follow both the church requirements as well as the civil prelimineries to a wedding. Some priests may be reluctant to marry a foreigner as he may not be familiar with and doesn't want to get involved in the extra procedures that may be required. Similar faculties are given to some other non-Catholic clergy, but only if their churches are registered for marriage and faculties obtained. It's the same in Italy. France (and Germany) is an exception as Bev notes, because of the strict separation of Church and State (_laïcité_) in France, and the concordat (agreement between the State and the Catholic church) in Germany. In Germany, the State (the individual Länder in fact) collects the church tax on the church's behalf (but takes a cut in doing so).


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

halydia said:


> My churri and I are starting to think about what the next step involves. The "worst part" about him? He's from Spain, and I'm not. This makes things fun - trying to figure out wedding customs, etc. in a country where you've only been to one wedding. Well, that and we're going to have to do something in each country.
> 
> Folks who have already been through this process: How did it go for you? Should I start selling my internal organs now, or is that not necessary here? Do I have to bring my suegra dress shopping here? Does a wedding dress exist in this country for less than 800EUR? Can I please just do the meal in a _sidrería_, or would that be a huge sin? Think anyone will be able to detect the protestant in the chapel the day I get married? (Shh, don't tell grandma-in-law!)


Talking about wedding customs, I'm not sure who's supposed to pay for what as we financed our own wedding, but I suppose it's the bride's family. Times move on, but as you know Bilbao society in some ways can be firmly rooted in the 1940's - 1950's. Have you seen how they dress their kids? Have you seen the size of the bows in the girl's hair!!??? When one of my OH's sisters got engaged they had a little get together, but the MILs called it "La petición de mano" I was shocked (Also because both MILs are widows, so there was no male head of the family to ask permission from, so the whole thing was just a bit silly IMO)
When you are invited to the wedding I've heard on several occasions that you're supposed to buy a present that's the equivalent of the meal that you're going to consume. Do people go to British weddings thinking along those lines??
As for a wedding dress, I had mine made very cheaply, however it wasn't a long white affair, but ask your MIL or at school if anyone knows a dress maker because there are still lots around in that area and I think it could be a lot cheaper.
But aren't you going back to the States? You might be happier buying something there.


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## gus-lopez (Jan 4, 2010)

Down here I do know that the guests pay to go & the closer friend / relative you are the dearer it gets .


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

re. wedding gifts - protocol around here for weddings seems to be a money gift which at least covers the "plate per guest". Obviously if it's just you going, it's a bit more than that - and it's a decent minimum. Multiply that by five (in our family) and ouch!!! I think actual wedding gift lists in places like El Corte Ingles are becoming more popular.

Having said all that re.minimum, it's worth noting that the weddings we've been to (and definately pre-crisis) all weddings had a natural barometer for comparisons and that, apart from things like bride's dress etc, are things like not only a lot of food, but the type of food/wine etc. Round our way, if it ain't marisco for at least one of the courses, there will be several types making their discontent obvious. Led to a fair few fall-outs. 

I'll be encouraging my kids to think wedding in the Caribbean, like we did and avoid all the bloody hassle.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Tallulah said:


> re. wedding gifts - protocol around here for weddings seems to be a money gift which at least covers the "plate per guest". Obviously if it's just you going, it's a bit more than that - and it's a decent minimum. Multiply that by five (in our family) and ouch!!! I think actual wedding gift lists in places like El Corte Ingles are becoming more popular.
> 
> Having said all that re.minimum, it's worth noting that the weddings we've been to (and definately pre-crisis) all weddings had a natural barometer for comparisons and that, apart from things like bride's dress etc, are things like not only a lot of food, but the type of food/wine etc. Round our way, if it ain't marisco for at least one of the courses, there will be several types making their discontent obvious. Led to a fair few fall-outs.
> 
> I'll be encouraging my kids to think wedding in the Caribbean, like we did and avoid all the bloody hassle.


Yes, I actually dread getting wedding invitations 'cos it's really expensive, especially if it includes stayng overnight!


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Yes, I actually dread getting wedding invitations 'cos it's really expensive, especially if it includes stayng overnight!


Not to mention the guests outfits - bit of an eye opener when you see them all dressed in formal long gowns, isn't it!!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Tallulah said:


> Not to mention the guests outfits - bit of an eye opener when you see them all dressed in formal long gowns, isn't it!!


Yep, they really go for it, don't they? When there's a wedding in the family i'm the only one who doesn't spend the morning in the hairdresser having a manicure, eyebrows plucked, hair done, legs waxed etc etc.


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## Guest (May 14, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Talking about wedding customs, I'm not sure who's supposed to pay for what as we financed our own wedding, but I suppose it's the bride's family. Times move on, but as you know Bilbao society in some ways can be firmly rooted in the 1940's - 1950's. Have you seen how they dress their kids? Have you seen the size of the bows in the girl's hair!!??? When one of my OH's sisters got engaged they had a little get together, but the MILs called it "La petición de mano" I was shocked (Also because both MILs are widows, so there was no male head of the family to ask permission from, so the whole thing was just a bit silly IMO)
> When you are invited to the wedding I've heard on several occasions that you're supposed to buy a present that's the equivalent of the meal that you're going to consume. Do people go to British weddings thinking along those lines??
> As for a wedding dress, I had mine made very cheaply, however it wasn't a long white affair, but ask your MIL or at school if anyone knows a dress maker because there are still lots around in that area and I think it could be a lot cheaper.
> But aren't you going back to the States? You might be happier buying something there.


I'm actually in Barakaldo "society." (People know where Bilbao is... not Baraka  
I was asked last week if, when my suegros get to my house in the states, they should do a "petición de mano." I was shocked; I said no. I'm from red-neck, backwoods America and I'll just let you imagine how the big city suegros are going to feel about my hometown. Getting together as a family and asking for my hand would just be too much for my poor parents. 

I thought about buying something back home, but it all depends on how quick they can get it for me. I'll only be there for a bit this summer. I really like the dress maker idea, though! Thank you!


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## Guest (May 14, 2010)

Tallulah said:


> re. wedding gifts - protocol around here for weddings seems to be a money gift which at least covers the "plate per guest". Obviously if it's just you going, it's a bit more than that - and it's a decent minimum. Multiply that by five (in our family) and ouch!!! I think actual wedding gift lists in places like El Corte Ingles are becoming more popular.
> 
> Having said all that re.minimum, it's worth noting that the weddings we've been to (and definately pre-crisis) all weddings had a natural barometer for comparisons and that, apart from things like bride's dress etc, are things like not only a lot of food, but the type of food/wine etc. Round our way, if it ain't marisco for at least one of the courses, there will be several types making their discontent obvious. Led to a fair few fall-outs.
> 
> I'll be encouraging my kids to think wedding in the Caribbean, like we did and avoid all the bloody hassle.


I'm embarassed, my Mom and I gave my sister-in-law and her new husband a photo for their wedding. Typical American style gift (my mom is a photographer.) Nobody told me about the pay-your-plate bit! Oops. 

The wedding was half Vizcaino, half Gallego and the Gallegos left hungry - I left ten kilos (or so) heavier. Out here it's heavy on marisco as well, but my OH refuses to eat "bichos amarillos," so that's why I asked about a sidreria. 

And I swear that if it wouldn't lead to severe disappointment on both sides of the family AND major paperwork, I'd be off to Vegas right quick!


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## Guest (May 14, 2010)

Tallulah said:


> last note : If you're going down the church route, get a priest on board as soon as possible - as they are not only the ones who marry you, but your primary administrator so far as doing things right and registering it all etc. If you like, the "gestor" of the wedding process in Spain. Or God's secretary


Thank you VERY much for your long detailed reply!

Love that bit about being God's secretary. I'll see if we can get an appointment with the priest before I head back to the states, if anything just to figure out if they'll let me wed here or if I'll have to go find a hippy priest who likes _pecadores_ like me. Maybe if we bring devout grandma-in-law with us they'll be more sympathetic to my cause.


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## Guest (May 14, 2010)

Joppa said:


> A mixed marriage (where one of the partners isn't a baptised Catholic) requires a dispensation (official permission) from the Bishop of the diocese where the wedding is to take place (this is the rule under universal Canon Law). The parish priest who is going to marry you has to initiate the application to the local chancery (church law office), and the Catholic partner has to make two solemn promises in writing - that he or she will do their utmost to preserve their Catholic faith, and undertake to have any children baptised and brought up as RC, and the non-Catholic partner is made aware of this undertaking in writing (but doesn't have to promise anything). As a non-catholic, you normally need to submit your baptismal certificate (confirmation isn't required), and usually you have to get one afresh from the church where you were baptised, as it has to be dated within 6 months of proposed marriage (this is because in RC church, details of any sacraments you have subsequently received, such as confirmation and marriage, are entered on the margin of the baptismal register and reproduced when a copy is made - this acts as a check against illegal or irregular marriage). If you have great difficulty getting hold of your certificate, mention it to the priest and he can fill a form of dispensation. It gets more complicated if either of you has been married before (in Catholic church or not) and former partner is still living. Then you need to go through an annulment procedure (if the previous marriage was recognised as valid by the Catholic church) or certification of non-validity.
> Also look at the US embassy in Spain site abount any information about marriage of US citizens in Spain.


Thank you VERY much for this. I'll be making an appointment with the priest soon to figure out what additional hoops we may have to jump through!


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## JBODEN (Jul 10, 2009)

Pesky Wesky said:


> i'm the only one who doesn't spend the morning in the hairdresser having a manicure, eyebrows plucked, hair done, legs waxed etc etc.



Nor did I, but then if I did my wife would have had a heart attack


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## Bevdeforges (Nov 16, 2007)

Pesky Wesky said:


> When you are invited to the wedding I've heard on several occasions that you're supposed to buy a present that's the equivalent of the meal that you're going to consume. Do people go to British weddings thinking along those lines??


Don't know about the British, but I have heard that stated as a rule of thumb for American weddings. Heck, people take out new mortgages in the US to finance their kids' weddings.

Hence the term in the US, "Bridezilla" - a bride-to-be turned into a vicious monster by all the planning of the big day. 

Actually, the various etiquette advisors in the US do say that it's incredibly crass to base your present on the estimated cost of the meal. I certainly hope so. Last family wedding I attended back in the US, the bride's family put us all up in this darling little resort inn and I snuck a look at the quoted prices as I was checking out. No way I had that kind of dosh to blow on a wedding present! But I had a very good time at the wedding...
Cheers,
Bev


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Bevdeforges said:


> Hence the term in the US, "Bridezilla" - a bride-to-be turned into a vicious monster by all the planning of the big day.
> 
> Actually, the various etiquette advisors in the US do say that it's incredibly crass to base your present on the estimated cost of the meal. Bev


 
_Bridezilla_ hahaha.

I loved the film, well films actually, _the father of the bride_. Do you remember Martin Short (??) the wedding advisor who called Steve Martin Mr. Bonks the whole film??!!

And yes, incredibly crass


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## Irishgirl (Sep 26, 2008)

Hey there,
Im getting married in October here in Sitges, Both me and my OH are Irish but he has a Spanish divorce, so we had to get our birthcerts translated into spanish and the divorce translated into english, expensive stuff. We then had to fill out forms in the Irish consulate, my permission to marry from Ireland took 2 days but my OH will have to wait for a few weeks as Ireland has to give the permission!! Mad!! 
We then have to go to the court house and submit more paperwork!! October isnt that far away!! So fingers crossed it all goes well with the paperwork.
Also you asked about a wedding dress, I have looked in a few places here in Barcelona but I havent seen anything that I like so I am ordering online. I hope that the dress will be ok.
As for our reception we are having it in a resturant and then to another venue for the after party, we looked at and provisionally booked the places yesterday. So that puts me a bit at ease.
As someone else said, do what you want to do, its your day. 
My mother had said to me 'you cant do that' and I said to her, 'mum seeing as im paying for it I can do it how ever I want!!'
I hope everything will go smoothly for you 

Ni


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2010)

So, I asked my dear OH for an answer and got the "You can do whatever you want! Quit worrying" answer, but I think he's wrong. Can anyone confirm or refute?

What, if any, are restrictions in terms of dress to be married in the Catholic church in Spain? I do remember someone saying in passing that one must have their shoulders covered. If so, can one skirt the issue with a veil? 

Dress shopping is looming on the horizon, and I don't want to make an expensive mistake. My future mother in law is on vacation so I can't ask her.


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

halydia said:


> So, I asked my dear OH for an answer and got the "You can do whatever you want! Quit worrying" answer, but I think he's wrong. Can anyone confirm or refute?
> 
> What, if any, are restrictions in terms of dress to be married in the Catholic church in Spain? I do remember someone saying in passing that one must have their shoulders covered. If so, can one skirt the issue with a veil?
> 
> Dress shopping is looming on the horizon, and I don't want to make an expensive mistake. My future mother in law is on vacation so I can't ask her.


I think it's a lot more relaxed now Halydia. Last wedding I went to, cousin's wife was in a gown with a bodice top (bare shouldered) but had a veil which barely touched the tops of her shoulders. Previous to that, similar style dress but with a gauzy bolero jacket for church, which then came off for the reception. You'll see all the guests doing similar - if it's anything like here, the guests are in more evening wear, so plenty of off-the-shoulder dresses/long formal gowns etc....

Fun isn't it?!?!


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2010)

Oh, I'm terrified about what they're going to say about my bad American taste!!!  
Glad to hear that things are more relaxed than I thought they were. I'm sure, worst case scenario, I could dig up a _chal_ or similar.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Hi halydia,
I agree with Tallulah in that I think things are a little more relaxed now. However, if you go to a couple of shops and see what the dresses on offer are like, you'll soon find out. I'd ask them what they think in the shop think as well. They'll be used to giving advice 'cos people ask a lot in shops here.
If you do f**k up, or just fancy doing smth different, you can just blame it on being a guiri, perfect excuse!
Also, as Tallulah says, guest tend to go all out, hairdresser, manicure and very posh frocks - no hats usually though unless it's "In" at the moment.


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Hi halydia,
> I agree with Tallulah in that I think things are a little more relaxed now. However, if you go to a couple of shops and see what the dresses on offer are like, you'll soon find out. I'd ask them what they think in the shop think as well. They'll be used to giving advice 'cos people ask a lot in shops here.
> If you do f**k up, or just fancy doing smth different, you can just blame it on being a guiri, perfect excuse!
> Also, as Tallulah says, guest tend to go all out, hairdresser, manicure and very posh frocks - no hats usually though unless it's "In" at the moment.



Problem is, I'm back in the States until August, and will be buying before I return. No helpful Spanish shop attendants for me! I'll just _meter la pata_ and be done with it  

Thanks ladies for your input!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

halydia said:


> Problem is, I'm back in the States until August, and will be buying before I return. No helpful Spanish shop attendants for me! I'll just _meter la pata_ and be done with it
> 
> Thanks ladies for your input!


Ahhh, see the problem.
Well then, just get smth that you feel GREAT in!


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

Exactly PW! It's your day Halydia.

Check out these Pronovias gowns for 2010 - give you some idea of what's "in" for wedding gowns this season 

pronovias 2010 - Google Search


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2010)

Oh man, I've already found my dream pronovias gown. (Gomera style - check it out with the jacket.) Unfortunately, it's way out of budget so I'll do my best to find something comparable over here  


Thanks for the link!


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## Ventus (Oct 27, 2010)

Hello everyone. My first post! (Great forum by the way).

My Spanish fiancée and I are currently wedding planning, and I am a bit bewildered by Spanish catering costs. Are they really so high? Nothing even remotely close to what I am used to from the UK or even other countries. Am I understanding things correctly? 

At a few reasonably nice wedding venues, we have been quoted between 100 to 120 Euros a head for food alone for a sit-down meal. This is excluding any "barra libre", disco, flowers, establishment rental costs etc. Even to get a catering company to come to my house is coming in at around 70 Euros cheapest. My fiancée insists these are normal Spanish (Madrid) prices, but this all seems a bit on the high side. We don't really want anything hugely fancy in terms of the food. At those prices, am I looking at the wrong places? The venues that we are looking at are standard 'country house' type fairly traditional places. From what I can make out, that is pretty much all we are finding in our area.

Can someone help? Anyone have some recent experience of organising a wedding in Spain, and the costs incurred? 

Thanks so much in advance!


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## gus-lopez (Jan 4, 2010)

Ventus said:


> Hello everyone. My first post! (Great forum by the way).
> 
> My Spanish fiancée and I are currently wedding planning, and I am a bit bewildered by Spanish catering costs. Are they really so high? Nothing even remotely close to what I am used to from the UK or even other countries. Am I understanding things correctly?
> 
> ...


Around here the guests pay to go to the wedding & it's not cheap. The last one our neighbours went to ( only a friend of the family ) cost them 720 €'s for 9 of them. The closer the friend , the more you pay !! Normally here the wine is included in the per head price , but you are paying for it even if it's not drunk !


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## Guest (Oct 27, 2010)

gus-lopez said:


> Around here the guests pay to go to the wedding & it's not cheap. The last one our neighbours went to ( only a friend of the family ) cost them 720 €'s for 9 of them. The closer the friend , the more you pay !! Normally here the wine is included in the per head price , but you are paying for it even if it's not drunk !


You don't pay, you gift!


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## Guest (Oct 27, 2010)

Ventus said:


> Hello everyone. My first post! (Great forum by the way).
> 
> My Spanish fiancée and I are currently wedding planning, and I am a bit bewildered by Spanish catering costs. Are they really so high? Nothing even remotely close to what I am used to from the UK or even other countries. Am I understanding things correctly?
> 
> ...


I'm currently going through the same process here. However, if I understand your post correctly (and I'm a bit confused by it), it's cheaper up here. 

Restaurants here charge an average of 70 to 130 euros per menu. Up here, this includes a welcome cocktail, seated appetizers, a shellfish course, a more substantial appetizer, fish, sorbet to cleanse the palate, meat, and dessert. This includes flowers and a personalized printing of the menu at each seat. I'm finding the less popular restaurants are offering serious discounts and including things like an hour of two of open bar, a DJ, busses, etc. 

I've also planned a wedding (twice the fun!) in the US for next year and everything together is about the same as it will be in Spain.


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## gus-lopez (Jan 4, 2010)

halydia said:


> You don't pay, you gift!


Oh ! gift.


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## Ventus (Oct 27, 2010)

Thanks for all the answers. Sorry for the confusion halydia. Let me know if I can clarify anything, but by the sound of it your experiences up there are along the lines of what I am experiencing here.



gus-lopez said:


> Oh ! gift.


Ah yes... That is what I have been told. A couple that I know also recently gifted around 500 Euros at a wedding recently. They said that is only slightly above the norm. Seems a bit of a bizarre system to me. I doubt the extranjeros coming to the wedding will understand that concept!


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## Guest (Oct 27, 2010)

gus-lopez said:


> Oh ! gift.


Word choice is VERY important!


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## gus-lopez (Jan 4, 2010)

Here you are told in advance how much your 'gift ' is to attend & when the bride & groom have got carried away & the bill is horrendous they'll rope in guests that are barely passing aquaintances ! Fortunately we only do funerals at the moment, & lots of them, although I hope sometime in the future we'll be invited to a wedding.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

gus-lopez said:


> Around here the guests pay to go to the wedding & it's not cheap. The last one our neighbours went to ( only a friend of the family ) cost them 720 €'s for 9 of them. The closer the friend , the more you pay !! Normally here the wine is included in the per head price , but you are paying for it even if it's not drunk !


I have never heard of that!
Surely things have got out of hand if you have to pay to celebrate a friend's or relatives wedding???
Sounds like people should 


stop
listen
and


think
about their wedding and what they're doing. (IMHO, of course!)

Anyway, I got married in Spain (a few years ago I admit) and didn't do any of that. We had a reception for 48 guests in a caserio which we paid for. We invited who we wanted to invite and not the cousin of the cousin or the MILs neighbour etc. I did not wear a long white dress and we got married in the (cheap and non religious) registery office. At your wedding, if it's important to you, I really think it's one of those times that you've just got to do hat you want to do.


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

It's a shame that "wedding lists" aren't so popular here as they are in the UK because it would certainly make things a lot more manageable for guests  Here it's cash all the way - and it's customary to at the very least cover the cost of your "plate" (roughly what gets talked about as the cost per head) - although we're beginning to hear of it a little more these days. 

Have a good chat with the restaurants because you should be able to "pick and choose" amongst the various set menus on offer. For example, a nice appetizer or seafood starter, followed by a cheaper meat dish, that kind of thing. Instead of the open bar option - obviously wine will be included with the meal, cava/champagne for toast etc and a drink on arrival, I've seen various bottles of liqueurs put on the table afterwards for guests to enjoy after their meal. Basically the hosts just paid for the bottles and corkage via the restaurant.

Oh...and be careful about the receptive drinks and appetizers - sometimes people get so carried away eating and drinking when they arrive that they're absolutely stuffed to the gills and won't be able to manage the meal you've spent an absolute fortune on!


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## Guest (Oct 28, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> I have never heard of that!
> Surely things have got out of hand if you have to pay to celebrate a friend's or relatives wedding???


But I reiterate, it's "gifting" not paying. 
From what I've understood with the weddings I've been to here and heard about, the *custom* is to gift the price of the plate. If you don't feel like doing so, that's fine (_con dos c*****s!_). Nobody has ever said anything to me about a traditional gift like we'd give in the States - heck, I gave my brother something worth half the price of a "menu" here!


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

halydia said:


> But I reiterate, it's "gifting" not paying.
> From what I've understood with the weddings I've been to here and heard about, the *custom* is to gift the price of the plate. If you don't feel like doing so, that's fine (_con dos c*****s!_). Nobody has ever said anything to me about a traditional gift like we'd give in the States - heck, I gave my brother something worth half the price of a "menu" here!



And if you're heading down that road, it's pretty much par for the course with baptisms and first Holy Communions too. 

xx


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

halydia said:


> But I reiterate, it's "gifting" not paying.
> From what I've understood with the weddings I've been to here and heard about, the *custom* is to gift the price of the plate. If you don't feel like doing so, that's fine (_con dos c*****s!_). Nobody has ever said anything to me about a traditional gift like we'd give in the States - heck, I gave my brother something worth half the price of a "menu" here!


so essentially the guests pay for the reception??


sorry - 'gift' it

that is_* really good news*_ when you have 2 daughters!!!


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## Guest (Oct 28, 2010)

Tallulah said:


> And if you're heading down that road, it's pretty much par for the course with baptisms and first Holy Communions too.
> 
> xx


This custom makes me uncomfortable.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

halydia said:


> But I reiterate, it's "gifting" not paying.
> From what I've understood with the weddings I've been to here and heard about, the *custom* is to gift the price of the plate. If you don't feel like doing so, that's fine (_con dos c*****s!_). Nobody has ever said anything to me about a traditional gift like we'd give in the States - heck, I gave my brother something worth half the price of a "menu" here!


Yeah, I got you first time round, but I was thinking more of what gus Lopez says


> Here you are told in advance how much your 'gift ' is to attend & when the bride & groom have got carried away & the bill is horrendous they'll rope in guests that are barely passing aquaintances ! Fortunately we only do funerals at the moment, & lots of them, although I hope sometime in the future we'll be invited to a wedding.


If you are given a figure ahead of time by the bride and groom I don't think that's "giving a present" no matter how you dress it up! You're being told how much to pay!! But I have a few questions...

How are you told how much to give/ pay? (you are invited to the wedding of X and Y and we estimate you will be asked to deposit the sum of $$$ ???OR entrance tickets are currently being sold at $$$, but if you wait until the last moment when more people have accepted the "invitation" you may get a discount ???)
What happens if it's too expensive and you'd like to give less?? Can you?? Will you be for ever marked as the cheapskate guiri who doesn't pay his/ her way??
And BTW you CAN have wedding lists. El Corte Inglés makes a fortune out of it, but most furniture and places where you buy plates and stuff from arrange it. And if not, do it yourself!
Servicio integral de bodas
And here's Zara
Zara Home - Tienda Online
And here's Musgo
Musgo | Listas de Boda
And google search for listas de boda en Málaga
tiendas listas bodas malaga - Buscar con Google
Perhaps the problem is that the families haven't moved on, but the shops certainly know about it!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Tallulah said:


> And if you're heading down that road, it's pretty much par for the course with baptisms and first Holy Communions too.
> 
> xx


You have to gift/ pay to go baptisms and first communions too?


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

halydia said:


> This custom makes me uncomfortable.


Exactly and certainly detracts from what these ceremonies are meant to be about - but there's no denying the pressure.


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

Pesky Wesky said:


> You have to gift/ pay to go baptisms and first communions too?


Or certainly a pricey gift at the ones we've attended. Gifts more with baptisms although at a couple of them it was mentioned in advance that they were setting up a bank account for the child, so would prefer money.....again the old thing about covering the plate etc. With the first communions - money, gold jewellery, watches, ipod, nintendos, mobile etc. And we're not exactly talking about rich families here either - that's the thing. But it was a case of "it's done that way" and it's a "have to have" situation. Such a shame.

There was a documentary some time ago on Spanish TV (Comando Actualidad? Callejeros? can't recall) about this sort of thing and how to do it in a crisis. Not easy. Again - family pressure and custom.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Tallulah said:


> Or certainly a pricey gift at the ones we've attended. Gifts more with baptisms although at a couple of them it was mentioned in advance that they were setting up a bank account for the child, so would prefer money.....again the old thing about covering the plate etc. With the first communions - money, gold jewellery, watches, ipod, nintendos, mobile etc. And we're not exactly talking about rich families here either - that's the thing. But it was a case of "it's done that way" and it's a "have to have" situation. Such a shame.
> 
> There was a documentary some time ago on Spanish TV (Comando Actualidad? Callejeros? can't recall) about this sort of thing and how to do it in a crisis. Not easy. Again - family pressure and custom.


Seems like I should be a bit happier about my family and friends then! I've never been asked to do this for any kind of ceremony. I'm already a bit of a black sheep 'cos I don't go to baptisms nor confirmation ceremonies anyway, but OH has been a couple of times and we haven't given anything, on purpose i might add 'cos not only do I disagree with the ceremony and the amount of money that is spent, but I also disagree with huge amount of gifts that are gifted - or given.


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## Guest (Oct 28, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> What happens if it's too expensive and you'd like to give less?? Can you?? Will you be for ever marked as the cheapskate guiri who doesn't pay his/ her way??
> ...
> Perhaps the problem is that the families haven't moved on, but the shops certainly know about it!


You can "get away" with giving absolutely nothing if you wish. A (Spanish) friend did that at a family member's wedding and there is still some serious talking-about-behind-the-back going on and bitter jokes. 

Personally, it seems super tacky to me that people *expect* money. My mother and I messed up at my sister-in-law's wedding awhile back and gave her a photo (mom is a photographer) of the country where she and her husband were going on their honeymoon. Hardly the 240EUR we should've "gifted," but I had no idea at that time about Spanish customs. 

As for the gift lists, I'm finding that it's a veiled way of getting money for the bride and groom and a way for the store to ensure that this money is spent at the store. There's an online gift list that was at ExpoBodas the other day which, even though it specifies certain gifts online that your guests "purchase," it allows you to opt for all cash instead of actually picking up the product that was "bought" for you. Of course, the website takes a nice hit of the money should you opt for cash.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

halydia said:


> As for the gift lists, I'm finding that it's a veiled way of getting money for the bride and groom and a way for the store to ensure that this money is spent at the store. There's an online gift list that was at ExpoBodas the other day which, even though it specifies certain gifts online that your guests "purchase," it allows you to opt for all cash instead of actually picking up the product that was "bought" for you. Of course, the website takes a nice hit of the money should you opt for cash.


Yes, I know someone who worked on the Corte Ingles gift lists and she told me that was what happened most of the time which I thought was a really tacky way of doing things. Culture clash I suppose.
Anyway we didn't do it like that. We made our own list from various shops, but as we had already been living together for some time we already had most things.


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