# Please check essay



## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Hello Expats,

Could you please assess my essay writing, provide feedback and potential band score.


Some people prefer to live in a house, while others think that there are more
advantages living in an apartment.
Are there more advantages than disadvantages to living in a house rather than in an
apartment?

Choosing accommodation between houses or apartments has been a difficult question among people for decades. Both the choices have different pros and cons. The argument of picking one over another will be discussed by showing their benefits and drawbacks.

Firstly, living in a house gives ample space to the residents and they can have garage, gardens and terrace space. People who love to stay in peace and calm places, prefers houses over apartments. For instance, there is big gap between two houses in western countries and occupants hardly talk to each other. On the other side, multiple apartments are built up in one building and usually they are adjacent to each other. Due to this closeness, one can hear the voice of other’s footsteps in wooden made apartments.

On the contrary, staying in apartments gives enough security which we cannot avail in individual houses. For example, Guards remain alert 24x7 in apartments to save people from thefts and other crimes. This makes people live fearlessly and allow them to sleep peacefully. However, in houses there are no such security guards and people would have to pay more money if they want to hire anyone for the same. Also, apartments allow residents to have interaction with each other so that they can build healthy relationship among themselves. Apart from security and interaction, there are other benefits including electricity backup, clubs and gymnasium etc are provided by apartments.

In conclusion, Choosing between these two options is clearly depends on the preferences people have. Although, after discussing both the points of view, one can say that living in apartments having more benefits than staying in individual houses. It is predicted that people will prefer apartments over houses in near future.


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Hello Expats,
> 
> Could you please assess my essay writing, provide feedback and potential band score.
> 
> ...


Hello New_user01,

Choosing accommodation - Choice of accommodation / Choosing an accommodation. Article "An" is missing before vowel word accommodation. 

Any articles, prepositions error is considered quite expensive, be careful about this.

Both the choices have different pros and cons - Both has various benefits and disadvantages 

Prefer to use some other alternative for the words "pros and cons" in formal essays.

discussed by showing their - discussed by "analyzing" their

You beginned the second paragraph with the device "Firstly". I don't see "Secondly" anywhere. If you do not use secondly, it is preferable to use "One the one hand" and then it will match your third paragraph logically "On the contrary/On the other hand".

People who love to stay in peace and calm places, prefers houses over apartments. - Remodel the sentence using more formal style as "People who like to stay in a peaceful environment prefer staying in individual houses than living in apartments"

there is big gap between two houses in western countries and occupants hardly talk to each other. - This doesn't logically makes the cohesiveness/cohesion. What could have been better is "people in western countries enjoy the tranquility in their homes as there are wider spaces between houses" You can frame it little more better.

You should relate your last sentence in your 2nd paragrapgh using "Thus (or) Therefore" to your thesis sentence of second paragraph. 

You have said "On the other side, " well in the 2nd paragraph itself. I would advise you to logically support only one side of view in your 2nd paragraph and then start analysing the opposite view in your third paragraph. 

enough security which we cannot avail - enough security which "one" cannot avail 

Avoid the personal pronouns like "I, We" and replace using the style I did above. Personal pronouns usage reduces marks.

You are using " However, in houses there are no such security guards and people would have to pay more money if they want to hire anyone for the same." You shouldn't compare both houses and apartments again. That shows mixing of views.

As I was saying, please write one view in second paragrapgh and then another view on third paragraph.

Relate your third paragrapgh last sentence using "Thus (or) Therefore" to the thesis of third paragrapgh.

In conclusion, Choosing - In conclusion, choosing - The capital C which you used is a quite expensive error, be careful.

one can say that living in apartments having more benefits than staying in individual houses - one can say that living in apartments have more benefits than staying in individual houses - You used "having" quite basic gramattical flaw. Grammar should be improved. 

Some flaws in our writing such as preposition, articles, grammar and spelling mistakes are considered quite expensive and the examiners view this as silly and would reduce more marks. Please ensure you do not commit aforementioned mistakes again, while you practise. I am sure you'll be up by one more band.

Your conclusion should be more related to what has been asked in the question. Do not use the "predicted" things in conclusion or even do not suggest anything if it is not asked for. It may reduce band.

Your overall contents or information you have is good. Also, you do not make any spelling errors, that is good. But the way you represented is inappropriate to IELTS English standard. You must improve in grammar, preposition, article, vocabularies, and not committing errors like usage of capital when not required. For instance, you used capital for "guard" too. 

Also, you must improve your style and pattern as I said above. Use proper linking devices. 

My band score for your essay - 5.5

Best regards,
JR


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## Redtape (Jun 25, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Hello Expats,
> 
> Could you please assess my essay writing, provide feedback and potential band score.
> 
> ...


Hi New_user01,

Just one suggestion :- I thought people are attracting towards apartment culture for various reasons other than security and interaction only. Diminishing real estate and raise in cost towards securing the plot should have mentioned.



New_user01 said:


> Due to this closeness, one can hear the voice of other’s footsteps in wooden made apartments.


I would rather re frame it as: Due to the common wall shared by two units sometime this could cause disturbances and discomfort to both parties as one can hear the noise from the other side.

Overall good effort.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> Choosing accommodation - Choice of accommodation / Choosing an accommodation. Article "An" is missing before vowel word accommodation.
> 
> ...



Thank you for your thorough assessment. The way you explained everything is quite helpful for my further practice.

As far as Band score concern, I guess it is not as bad. 

I have appeared for Ielts once and scored 6 in writing.

So what do you think how much improvement i need to score 7 in this section.

By the way, where are you located? 

I am not sure if I any professional help would work but do you know somebody in Delhi who could help me out?


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Redtape said:


> Hi New_user01,
> 
> Just one suggestion :- I thought people are attracting towards apartment culture for various reasons other than security and interaction only. Diminishing real estate and raise in cost towards securing the plot should have mentioned.
> 
> ...


yes your suggestions are valid... Thank you!!


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## MisterG (Apr 10, 2013)

I agree with all the comments so far and the only advice I can give is practice practice practice! From reading your essay I think a minimum score of 7 is achievable. Good work.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

MisterG said:


> I agree with all the comments so far and the only advice I can give is practice practice practice! From reading your essay I think a minimum score of 7 is achievable. Good work.


Thank you MisterG. That is really motivating.


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Hello Expats,
> 
> Could you please assess my essay writing, provide feedback and potential band score.
> 
> ...




If you wanna excel in IELTS writing ONLY refer DCieltsblog and learn to write naturally.I IMPROVED from 6 to 8-9 range over 1.5 months.All you need to do is learn the tactics thoroughly by DOMINIC COLE. 

I will rate your essay at 6 bands.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

metallica.kyoto said:


> If you wanna excel in IELTS writing ONLY refer DCieltsblog and learn to write naturally.I IMPROVED from 6 to 8-9 range over 1.5 months.All you need to do is learn the tactics thoroughly by DOMINIC COLE.
> 
> I will rate your essay at 6 bands.



Thanks!!

That's sounds promising. I have gone through with this site before. I also watched of English Ryan on Youtube.

So you are targeting band 8 now?


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

Ryans way is too basic and not natural.i scored 7which is enuf for me.however on practice test without time constraint i scored between 8to9.initially i was at at 6.if you like i can send you my evaluated essays.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

metallica.kyoto said:


> Ryans way is too basic and not natural.i scored 7which is enuf for me.however on practice test without time constraint i scored between 8to9.initially i was at at 6.if you like i can send you my evaluated essays.


Yes that will be great help for me.

Can you suggest some strategies for after reading my essay.

Also, any suggestions for speaking part? I see that you scored 8.5 in that section.

I scored 6 in Speaking and writing in my last attempt and 7 in Reading and Listening.

Should I send you my email id through PM?


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Thank you for your thorough assessment. The way you explained everything is quite helpful for my further practice.
> 
> As far as Band score concern, I guess it is not as bad.
> 
> ...


Hello New_user01,

My pleasure. First of all, your essay is not that bad at all. I gave band 5.5 because I am also more like you or any others here. If I can identify these many errors, I am certain that experienced examiners can find few more from our essays. 

As far as I am concerned, IELTS is not a logical exam to determine one's ability in English. Trust me, I have seen many people who are good in English but couldn't score a Band 7 sometime. It may be due to various reasons such as the mood of the candidate taking exam, the mood at writing module, the question (Some might find some subjects easy. For instance, I do not like to watch much of the political news and if a question is based on this, I might struggle to collect good points quickly in the time that is allotted. Mate, everybody can write a nice essay in 2 hours. The ability to represent our skills at same pace as of others and given same opportunity is what has been used to analyze one's skills. I would not agree with this method because of aforementioned reasons, because some topic might be comfortable for someone and some other topic maybe comfy for few others. I also agree that there are few people who can represent any topic in a better English, and a lot in our IELTS applicants are competitive that way. As I tried to tell you how it differs for people in three scenarios above, I feel this is not the right method to evaluate and that too which is normalized internationally.) People are from various background, culture, languages, and it is of course a competitive exam. Furthermore, not all examiners correct the same way, after all everyone are human and unique. I am not saying they all don't have standards, I do agree that they have standard band criteria to evaluate a paper, still sometime, in minority of cases, we can expect some band differences in a paper corrected by different examiners (Many people got 0.5 or 1 band more in revaluation). In addition, your spontaneity to use good vocabularies, phrases, your memory is tested, and all these routes to what is called first practise but also luck (Luck, I mean, can be anything mentioned above, like getting a topic of your comfortness, remembering good phrases, vocabularies, examples, and ability to finish within time, perhaps also getting the right examiner to evaluate our paper and many more things).

My reasons are just not limited to above said points, there are many other aspects like people of all experience like Managers, Leaders, Scientists, Programmers, Literature/Economists for whom these many be very easy appear with all others. Many other factors also we can add on.

Another important experience is, in the official website, it is mentioned that, for improving a single band score (Say for example from Band 6 to Band 7) in a module, one has to practise sincerely for atleast 3 months. This has been proved fault from my own experience as like many others. Many appeared in consequtive weeks for the exam and have seen a band difference of 2 and sometime 1 in many modules. Purely, I say it is not logical. But I do not say it is illogical as well. I don't know what is the right word to explain this, but hope you get my point from my above findings what I wanted to communicate.

Coming to suggestions, you can certainly score minimum 7 or 7.5 if you follow just these things strictly. You must be confident and ensure yourself that you follow these:

1. No preposition errors (Like missing coma or using unwanted coma, and other things)

2. No articles error (Let me give you small example: "in the united states of america" and not "in united states of america". This is a very small example to use "the" but there are many places where we miss it by mistake. Also "a and an".

3. No spelling mistakes strictly (Quick read your essay 2 times before you submit). Take 3 mins time at the end for this. 

4. No grammar error in sentences (For example, right usage of in, on, into, onto, have/has/had, had been, having been, for, to and so on.). Usually many people including me gets confused whether to use "for or to", "in or on" etc.

5. Proper linking devices ("Firstly, secondly, thirdly, finally".... or... "First of all, secondly, finally"... or......"On the one hand, on the other hand".....or ....."To begin with, one another reason/a second reason is".....etc....If this linking is not smoothly flowing or logical, definitely 0.5 or 1 band is costed. 

6. Give examples using "For example, In addition", "For instance, Moreover", "To illustrate this, furthermore" etc

7. No personal pronouns anywhere. Recheck for this and it might sometime cause a 0.5 band.

8. Appropriate representation of complex words using hyphen or with proper divider: *web-site or web site is wrong** But it is website*. Also, *"infact" is wrong "In fact" is correct. * *computer-aided is correct and computer aided is not preferred* etc

9. Be very sure to use different sentence style and atleast one complex sentence. For example "There are, however, various reasons for this issue and in my opinion, these are mainly due to point 1, point 2". Now this is one example of complex sentence. You must first learn what is complex sentence and use it atleast once in appropriate place.

10. Atleast 5 good vocabularies (Don't repeat same words: For example, use garments, clothes, costumes, apparel etc. For children, use something like, young people, toddlers sometime, at tender age etc). Also try to *use good uncommon but appropriate vocabularies. For example "adage" instead of the word "quote" etc*

11. Use phrases if possible. 

12. Most importantly many of us lack in subject verb agreement, inefficiency in using singular, plural etc at appropriate places. 

13. Maintain logical and meaningful sequence, please do not mix views in a single paragraph. That is strictly viewed as unacceptable unless effectively used. 

14. Give 2 good thesis points atleast and explain it well with examples.

15. Good short introduction with perhaphs around 60 words or 3 sentences and good conclusion. 

Above all, brainstorm topic for 3 mins and get points. Introduction 5 mins, First paragraph 8, second 8, third if you write 8, conclusion 4 mins and proof reading 4 mins. I am sure, if you remind yourself all of the above in every practise of yours, I guarantee you minimum 7.5 in your exam.

Lastly, you have asked me if the essay is worth 5.5. Well, there is no much difference between 5.5 and a 6. There is little difference between 6 and 6.5 but a huge difference between a 6.5 and 7. What I mean is, if a person just writes something, he gets 5.5 or 6 based on examiners. That is bare minimum most times for any candidate as your overall band score for essay is just not based on essay but also on letter. 

This says you the secret that most of us do not know what happens behind the scenes. I am not sure if you have seen the below.

How Important is Task 1? | IELTS English

IELTS Writing Blog – Model Task 1 and 2 responses Original IELTS writing resources provided by an IELTS instructor

Best regards,
JR


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## bobinv (Apr 29, 2013)

metallica.kyoto said:


> Ryans way is too basic and not natural.i scored 7which is enuf for me.however on practice test without time constraint i scored between 8to9.initially i was at at 6.if you like i can send you my evaluated essays.


Hi Mettalica.Kyoto,
I would highly appreciate it if you could send me the evaluated essays as I am appearing for the IELTS on 29th August and the writing module brings me the shivers.

THanks


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

PM me your email.I think i still have 3 essays more evaluation left.If you want you can get it evauluated from that teacher.


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## findraj (Sep 24, 2012)

New_user01 said:


> Hello Expats,
> 
> Could you please assess my essay writing, provide feedback and potential band score.
> 
> ...


Please concentrate on the content. In my opinion when you are asked to write an essay in which you are asked a question like Are there more advantages than disadvantages to living in a house rather than in an
apartment?, you must start your essay with your personal opinion..You can then build up by giving its advantages and end it with saying you prefer living in an apartment because of the above reasons but a few would love to own a house that has a beautiful garden and a backyard barbeque.

I would rate it as a 5.5 but its more towards 5 than 5.5 because of the tense. You should look up tenses.

Sorry for being a critical evaluator. I have 8 in Writing.


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

findraj said:


> Please concentrate on the content. In my opinion when you are asked to write an essay in which you are asked a question like Are there more advantages than disadvantages to living in a house rather than in an
> apartment?, you must start your essay with your personal opinion..You can then build up by giving its advantages and end it with saying you prefer living in an apartment because of the above reasons but a few would love to own a house that has a beautiful garden and a backyard barbeque.
> 
> I would rate it as a 5.5 but its more towards 5 than 5.5 because of the tense. You should look up tenses.
> ...


I am sure you are following ryans essay writing style.Since its not a natural way of writing you will tend to make mistakes.Also,he focuses writing passively which often leads to inaccuracies in tenses.As i told you before,prepare IELTS writing from DCIELTS blog.I improved alot from there.


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## findraj (Sep 24, 2012)

metallica.kyoto said:


> I am sure you are following ryans essay writing style.Since its not a natural way of writing you will tend to make mistakes.Also,he focuses writing passively which often leads to inaccuracies in tenses.As i told you before,prepare IELTS writing from DCIELTS blog.I improved alot from there.


Sorry, I dont follow any ones essay writing.

Its my own assessment as per English taught to me in my school. I gave IELTS in July 2012 and got my PR in March 2013. 

Yes, writing passive English is not good, but tense and content is a must.

I think you are trying to advertise something here. I already told I have 8 so why must I prepare from anyone's blog, I didnt even care to read the training material given from IDP..


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

I have no interest in advertising anything to you.I had improved from 6 to 9 in practice tests.However i had scored 7 in Ielts writing.My quote was obviously meant for OP.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> My pleasure. First of all, your essay is not that bad at all. I gave band 5.5 because I am also more like you or any others here. If I can identify these many errors, I am certain that experienced examiners can find few more from our essays.
> 
> ...



All the suggestions sounds great to me!!

I will keep in mind all these things.
Very appreciated!

Thanks!!


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

findraj said:


> Please concentrate on the content. In my opinion when you are asked to write an essay in which you are asked a question like Are there more advantages than disadvantages to living in a house rather than in an
> apartment?, you must start your essay with your personal opinion..You can then build up by giving its advantages and end it with saying you prefer living in an apartment because of the above reasons but a few would love to own a house that has a beautiful garden and a backyard barbeque.
> 
> I would rate it as a 5.5 but its more towards 5 than 5.5 because of the tense. You should look up tenses.
> ...


Suggestions taken!!

Thank you!

Also, I have stayed in USA and houses are actually made with wood there (may be they add some other material but majority is wood)

One can buy a ready made wooden house from "Home Depot" (company sells houses) and place on the area they want.


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Suggestions taken!!
> 
> Thank you!
> 
> ...


Hello New_user01,

My pleasure. 

The way of using maybe "may be" is wrong. It is a single word "maybe". I have underlined above in your comment.

Best regards,
JR


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> My pleasure.
> 
> ...



I got it... Would you mind giving me private tuition?

I think I can improve faster this way... 

Thank you


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> I got it... Would you mind giving me private tuition?
> 
> I think I can improve faster this way...
> 
> Thank you


Hello New_user01,

My pleasure. 

You are fine with English. Apparently, some techniques to tweak the style, good vocabularies and few other grammar aspects could make all of us better in English, and you are already good. 

I still need to improve a lot. It is like, we can find mistakes in other's writing easily, but when we write, its natural for many of us to commit similar mistakes. 

Best regards,
JR


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## findraj (Sep 24, 2012)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> My pleasure.
> 
> ...


I agree so much with Jre

Wish the OP all the best for IELTS  Good Luck


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

findraj said:


> I agree so much with Jre
> 
> Wish the OP all the best for IELTS  Good Luck



Thanks JRE and Findraj!


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi mate. I read your essay and I think you can go for a 7. You need to practice more. Good luck.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> Hi mate. I read your essay and I think you can go for a 7. You need to practice more. Good luck.


Feeling better after reading your message.. thank you Buddy!!


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Hello Seniors, 

Can you please evaluate my essay?

Nowadays mobile phones can be found everywhere in this world. Is it a positive or a negative development?


The mobile phone is the most popular gadget in today’s world. It has revolutionized the way people communicate with each other. It is indeed a positive development for the users and the society. This will be proven by analyzing how cell phones are beneficial for effective communication and gaining education.

For one, Mobile phone has been proved as a blessing for the people all over the world. One can communicate with their family or friends across the globe and feel them as they are closer to them. For instance, a person sitting in United States can not only talk to their parents but also see his parents through video calling, which do not let one’s feel homesick. This makes it clear that Interaction with the world has become easier than ever.

In addition to this, smart phones have been highly effective in spreading knowledge globally. These phones provide huge number of quality applications which are quite useful to gain knowledge. Take German language application as an example, one can learn German by just installing the desired application, and follow the steps given in the manual. Moreover, these applications are available free of cost most of the times. Thus it is clear that mobile phones are assisting the world in knowledge transfer. 

To conclude, one cannot deny the fact that mobile phones have been proved as a gift to the society, and the benefits of mobile phones outweigh its drawbacks. After seeing its technological advancements, mobile phones will continue making people lives easier with new features.


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## Redtape (Jun 25, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> and the benefits of mobile phones outweigh its drawbacks.


Hi New_user01,

I haven't seen anything on the -ve side on mobile phones in your essay. 

Don't you think you should have mentioned it some where in the essay?

Good effort overall.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Redtape said:


> Hi New_user01,
> 
> I haven't seen anything on the -ve side on mobile phones in your essay.
> 
> ...




I wrote is as an argument essay so I followed the +ve sides only. 
I found this way in Ryan's videos. Please correct me if you think this can affect adversely the band score.

Anyways, Thanks for the feedback.


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## Redtape (Jun 25, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> I wrote is as an argument essay so I followed the +ve sides only.
> I found this way in Ryan's videos. Please correct me if you think this can affect adversely the band score.
> 
> Anyways, Thanks for the feedback.


As far as I know the essay is an argument type and for this sort of essays *you must mention both sides of it.* 

Take any side that you are comfortable and support your justification to do so.

Good luck.


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Redtape said:


> As far as I know the essay is an argument type and for this sort of essays *you must mention both sides of it.*


From where did you get this information mate? I normally only write about one side in an argument type essay.

I do not think it matters. Just my opinion.


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## Redtape (Jun 25, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> From where did you get this information mate? I normally only write about one side in an argument type essay.
> 
> I do not think it matters. Just my opinion.


From writing band score descriptors the first point it self.


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## urn (Jul 3, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> Choosing accommodation - Choice of accommodation / Choosing an accommodation. Article "An" is missing before vowel word accommodation.
> 
> ...


Good essay but grammatical errors and logical issues. However, I bet it will get 6.5 to 7 if you re lucky. No doubt, please improve your singular/plural and article. 

Cheers


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

urn said:


> Good essay but grammatical errors and logical issues. However, I bet it will get 6.5 to 7 if you re lucky. No doubt, please improve your singular/plural and article.
> 
> Cheers


Thanks for the feedback mate!! 

Can you evaluate the recent one essay? It is on the 3rd page of this post.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> My pleasure.
> 
> ...


Hey Jr, 

Can you provide your feedback on my recent essay writing. 

Thanks in advance for your feedback!!


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## crestline (Apr 8, 2013)

For IELTS essays, one of the best resources is from a chap known as English Ryan. Check *english ryan youtube* on google and check out his videos.


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Hello Seniors,
> 
> Can you please evaluate my essay?
> 
> ...


Hello New_user01

I have seen a good improvement on your essay, keep it up. You can do still better.

I have skimmed through your essay quickly. You maintained 255 words. Your essay is overall good, perhaps one more example in 2nd paragraph would make it better.

*My observations: My answers are in bold and your's is in italics.*

1. I would use "*Firstly*" *or "To begin with"* instead of "For one"

2. _The mobile phone is the most popular gadget in today’s world._ - *The mobile phones are the most popular gadget in today’s world.*

I am really not sure if we should use "The" in this context, so someone can correct it if it is wrong.

3. _Mobile phone_ - Why capital M ? Be cautious, it is costly.

4. _a person sitting_ - *a person* *living*

5. _a person sitting in United States can not only talk to their parents but also see his parents through video calling _- Here, you begin the sentence with "person" and you are including "his" and why not "her". I can rewrite it as "*a person living in the United States can not only talk to their parents, but also can see them through video calling features*"

*Here the style I followed are :

Coma after parents.
"living" instead of "sitting."
I included "features" after video calling.*

6. _This makes it clear that Interaction with the world has become easier than ever. _-* Therefore, it is clear that the connectivity with people around/across the world has become easier than ever.* Remember not to use capital letters such as the one in "Interaction". This holds good for your 3rd paragraph ending too.

7. _Take _German language application as an example - *Consider* German language application as an example

8. people lives easier with new features - people lives easier with *many* new features

Finally, your conclusion is also good, but I guess, your first statement in conclusion can be made still better. I leave that to you as a self study.

Best regards,
JR


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01
> 
> I have seen a good improvement on your essay, keep it up. You can do still better.
> 
> ...



Agreed with your changes. Your suggestions are always helpful. 
Do you think I can go for test in a month? I am planning to book the slot for 9th November.

Also, What band score you would give to this essay?


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

crestline said:


> For IELTS essays, one of the best resources is from a chap known as English Ryan. Check *english ryan youtube* on google and check out his videos.


yes I have watched his many videos and following the same way he suggested.


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Agreed with your changes. Your suggestions are always helpful.
> Do you think I can go for test in a month? I am planning to book the slot for 9th November.
> 
> Also, What band score you would give to this essay?


Hello New_user01,

Well I remembered that I missed something in above writing, but hope you might have observed that. I am also sure that you wouldn't have thoughtfully did that mistake: We always say "The United States of America" or "The United States". Don't miss "the". Did you see the movie "English Vinglish", there Sridevi asks this doubt in her English tuition class HaHa. 

Another thing, I don't know if you attempted to explain the "negative" things about cell phones, but you claimed in your conclusion that, advantages outweigh drawbacks. I am afraid if you can do that without explaining few disadvantages. 

Coming to your question on whether you can take exam next month, well that is truly left on your confidence and satisfaction. I am sure you are better judge of yourself than others. From what I can see in your writings is, you are certainly better, and can also fine tune yourself still better for a good band score. Rest, you know about yourself better. Lots of things that comes into picture like the type of question on your exam, your mood etc. So I leave that to you with a suggestion that, you can fine tune yourself still better.

Coming to band score, really I haven't evaluated your essay that closely, but overall it is good and in fact, a lot improved from your last essay. As you can see from the number of lines of my observation has drastically reduced to half than the last time, apparently, your essay hold a better band. 

One thing I wanted to remind you, take a look at the band description for Band 7 and 8 and make sure you understand every point and evaluate your essays yourself and make sure you meet all what is said in Band 7 and 8. That would be a good idea to hit the higher bands. 

By and large, your writings are good 

Best regards,
JR


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> Well I remembered that I missed something in above writing, but hope you might have observed that. I am also sure that you wouldn't have thoughtfully did that mistake: We always say "The United States of America" or "The United States". Don't miss "the". Did you see the movie "English Vinglish", there Sridevi asks this doubt in her English tuition class HaHa.
> 
> ...




Got your point mate..

Thanks!


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> Got your point mate..
> 
> Thanks!


I am also learning like you. So its good to have your essays evaluated from some others too who have still better command over English. Every guidance in our forum is indeed a goldmine. Hope some more people can give their suggestions on your essay, for us to learn together and better.

Best regards,
JR


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> I am also learning like you. So its good to have your essays evaluated from some others too who have still better command over English. Every guidance in our forum is indeed a goldmine. Hope some more people can give their suggestions on your essay, for us to learn together and better.
> 
> Best regards,
> JR




One more please..

It is little long of 342 words but couldn't cut this out.


Many people have to retire at the age 60 or 65. However, some suggest that these people should be allowed to work for as long as they wish. What are the pros and cons of this situation?

“Old is gold” is a common phenomena is commonly used for old things. Old people of the family considered as pillars of the family, who holds the responsibilities of the family on their shoulders. The argument whether old people should work beyond normal retirement age is supported and refuted by many. Advantages and disadvantages of this situation will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

To begin with, young brains play an important role in the growth of any country’s economy but they have to struggle a lot to get the job. Unless existing old employees do not leave, companies do not hire new people. For example, if Xyz Company needs 10 employees to accomplish all of their tasks and 2 of them are of age 70 and, if they are not willing to retire, company would not be able to hire young talent. Therefore it is clear from the example that old people should retire willingly at the normal retirement age to leave the place for young talented people.

On the other hand, old people are the main assets of any country. Practical experience earned by old people in number of years cannot be replaced by any education in the world. For example, company’s senior positions are always filled by experienced people as these positions require lots of experience. Due to this, companies do not mind keeping old people on these positions. Also, if old people work till later stages of their age, they do not get burden on family or society. Thus government will not have to provide them financial support. 

After analyzing both the point of views, it is clearly seen that benefits of old age people working for long time are more than its drawbacks. Perhaps, young talent should get more opportunities but throwing old people aside is not a good idea. These old people are foundation of any country. Thus, it is recommended that old people should be allowed to work as long as they want, so that they can serve the country and society.


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## metallica.kyoto (Mar 14, 2013)

For best essay writing skills and improving band score refer DCIelts


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## jre05 (Feb 16, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> One more please..
> 
> It is little long of 342 words but couldn't cut this out.
> 
> ...


Hello New_user01,

Beautiful essay. There is NO UPPER WORD LIMITS. So, you need not have to worry unless you write only 250 words exactly or less.

Have quickly gone through your essay, overall a good essay. Some points of observation:

1. To begin with you can use if your 3rd paragraph starts like "One another reason" or "A second reason is" or something like this. 

Since your 3rd para starts with a contradictory part, you can choose to use "One the one hand" in 2nd para, and it rightly fits to your 3rd para start "On the other hand".

2. “Old is gold” is a common phenomena is commonly used for old things - "*Old is gold" is a famous adage*

3. Old people of the family considered - Old people of the family *are *considered

4. if Xyz Company needs - if *a* company needs - company small "c". Also, do not use "XYZ" like that in the formal writings. Use simply "a" instead of that.

5. 2 of them - *two *of them

6. benefits of old age people - benefits of *experienced old people*

7. People say, only if we are asked for "recommendation" we should provide, otherwise sometime it can impact. I do not know how much it will affect though. Maybe some others can also share their views

Good essay. If possible try to make the 2nd para still more better, otherwise fine. 

Hope we get more reviews from others to learn.

Best regards,
JR


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

jre05 said:


> Hello New_user01,
> 
> Beautiful essay. There is NO UPPER WORD LIMITS. So, you need not have to worry unless you write only 250 words exactly or less.
> 
> ...



Thanks again for your thorough feedback!!


Other expats--Would appreciate if you provide feedback on my essays.


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## sathiyaseelan (Dec 8, 2012)

Hi friend,

Everyone has different style of writing and there is no ideal way of writing. I never discourage or comment on anyone's writing. However, whenever, you are going to write an essay, you will be on safe side if you do follow things, particularly when dealing with introduction paragraph.

1. Firstly, read the question twice or thrice and and understand what is asked for and decide which type of essay you have to write.

2. Write down the key words and their equivalent synonyms, any idioms or proverbs or quotes in connection to the paragraph. For instance, if the essay is about, health, you can include a proverb that is "health is the real wealth". Moreover, changing the form of key word is a so a good idea. For example, if the keyword is a verb, try to write the noun form of it in introduction paragraph. With this things, examiner may mistakenly believe that you are really exceptional in writing and at least 7 bands are to be awarded to you. (ha ha ha). 

3. Examiner wants to check whether you understand the question correctly and know what is exactly asked you to write for. employing less frequently used words, at least 3 or 4 of them in introduction paragraph is highly recommended.

4. Then, start writing the initial sentence based on the essay. Some essay may need you to describe the keyword that is complicated. Some may ask you to offer a global perspective of the discussion. Few others may demand you to compare two trends, or two things like that.

4. Following this, you may go to the exact question in depth but using different words, of course.

5. Now, you may explaining the type of question and its sides, or argument, etc. 

6. Now, write the concluding sentence about which things you are going to explain in later paragraphs. If you have less ideas, you may even offer the overview alone that is sufficient.

7. But, again, write as many complex and compound sentences as possible to show that you have good control on language. You may, use simple sentences in later paragraphs but, definitely not in the introduction one. 

I do believe that these strategies will help you greatly in order be in boat of 7 bands.

This is how i addressed my writing section and scored 7.5 bands and i really appreciate others' ways of writing as well.

Regards,
Sathiya


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## sathiyaseelan (Dec 8, 2012)

New_user01 said:


> One more please..
> 
> It is little long of 342 words but couldn't cut this out.
> 
> ...


hI FRIEND,

Your essay looks good, however, some fine tuning will make it better. See, don't repeat the same word again and again for instance, old people. Try to use it's synonyms. Structure is fine. But, try to incorporate some idioms, less frequently used words, proverbs, quotes, etc. to decorate your essay. Overall, it seems to me a 6.5-7 band essay. But, it's purely my opinion.

All the best


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

sathiyaseelan said:


> hI FRIEND,
> 
> Your essay looks good, however, some fine tuning will make it better. See, don't repeat the same word again and again for instance, old people. Try to use it's synonyms. Structure is fine. But, try to incorporate some idioms, less frequently used words, proverbs, quotes, etc. to decorate your essay. Overall, it seems to me a 6.5-7 band essay. But, it's purely my opinion.
> 
> All the best


Hello Sathiya,

Thanks for taking time in checking my essay. Your feedback is valuable for me. I will try to incorporate all these things in my writings.

Regards,


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Couple of people have already given really good suggestions. Here are my two cents.

Overall, this essay looks good and I think you have done well in task achievement. Coherence and cohesion is also at a level 7. But I think you need to improve more in grammar and lexical resource.



New_user01 said:


> One more please..
> 
> It is little long of 342 words but couldn't cut this out.


As already pointed out, it is ok to go above the word limit. However, lesser words you have, less chance for making mistakes. Keep that in mind. My essay was around 350-400 words.


Many people have to retire at the age 60 or 65. However, some suggest that these people should be allowed to work for as long as they wish. What are the pros and cons of this situation?

“Old is gold” is a common phenomena is commonly used for old things. - *Phenomena is not the correct word to use here. Also note that phenomena is a plural word so this sentence is grammatically wrong.*

Old people of the family considered as pillars of the family, who holds the responsibilities of the family on their shoulders. - *I think there are grammar mistakes. A better wording would be,* *Old people are considered as the pillars of a family, who hold the responsibility of the family on their shoulders*.

The argument whether old people should work beyond normal retirement age is supported and refuted by many. Advantages and disadvantages of this situation will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

To begin with, young brains play an important role in the growth of any country’s economy but they have to struggle a lot to get the job. - *to get a job*

Unless existing old employees do not leave, companies do not hire new people. For example, if Xyz Company needs 10 employees to accomplish all of their tasks and 2 of them are of age 70 and, if they are not willing to retire, company would not be able to hire young talent. Therefore it is clear from the example that old people should retire willingly at the normal retirement age to leave the place for young talented people. - *Good paragraph overall. You should work a bit on your vocabulary. Sometimes, there are better words that can be used. For an example, I think saying "to give/provide a place for young" is better than "to leave the place for young".*

On the other hand, old people are the main assets of any country. Practical experience earned by old people *in number of years* (*over the years*) cannot be replaced by any education in the world. For example, company’s senior positions are always filled by experienced people as these positions require lots of experience. Due to this, companies do not mind keeping old people *on* *(in)* these positions. Also, if old people work till later stages of their *age (life)*, they *do not get burden on family or society (are less likely to burden the family or society.*. Thus government will not have to provide them financial support. 

After analyzing *both the point (both point)* of views, it is *clearly seen (couple of other words that give a similar/close meaning to clear, "apparent/evident/patent")* that benefits of old age people working for *long time (a longer time)* are more than its drawbacks. 

Perhaps, young talent should get more opportunities but throwing old people aside is not a good idea. - *This sentence is too lay in my opinion. Better wording would be, "--throwing old people aside is not a reasonable solution."*

*These old people are (Old people are the)* foundation of any country. Thus, it is recommended that old people should be allowed to work as long as they want, so that they can serve the country and society.

*Task achievement - 7.5
Coherence and cohesion - 7
Grammar - 6
Lexical resource - 6

Overall - 6.5*

Just my opinion.


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## Timo68 (Sep 15, 2013)

New_user01 said:


> One more please..
> 
> It is little long of 342 words but couldn't cut this out.
> 
> ...


Generally good  

“Old is gold” is a common phenomena is commonly used for old things
- It is a "saying" not a "phenomena" 
- "is a common phenomena is commonly" no need to use "common" and "is" twice. It is better to rephrase it to "is a famous saying commonly (usually) used ...."

- It is better to use "senior citizens" or "aged" Instead of "old people". 

- "Unless existing old employees do not leave" ... 
"Unless existing aged employees leave" or "If existing aged employees do not leave"

- "Also, if old people work till later stages of their age" .... stages of their life
- "they do not get burden on family or society" .... become a burden to


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> Couple of people have already given really good suggestions. Here are my two cents.
> 
> Overall, this essay looks good and I think you have done well in task achievement. Coherence and cohesion is also at a level 7. But I think you need to improve more in grammar and lexical resource.
> 
> ...


Your feedback is also quite impressive.
very well assessed
Thank you!!


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Timo68 said:


> Generally good
> 
> “Old is gold” is a common phenomena is commonly used for old things
> - It is a "saying" not a "phenomena"
> ...


Thanks for your comments! Suggestions taken.


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## 2013 (Sep 16, 2013)

Kindly review :

*
"Parents are the best teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"*


Learning starts from the day when a person is born in this world. The first teacher for a child is his/her parents. Parents play a vital role through the life whether its the first step, the first day in school or marriage. In many religions and cultures parents are compared to god, and given supreme position in this world.
In my opinion, parents are the first one to give you the first few lessons of life. How to eat properly, how to walk or behave properly and how to talk are the first lessons by parents. These lessons accompany us till the end of life. In critical situations in life, the first person that comes into picture for help is mom or dad. And they'll provide the best decision or solution that one can think of.
Furthermore, in today's busy world many have ignored their parents and have forgotten the things that they have done in past. Many tend to treat their parents for granted, and treat them as a burden on their shoulders. Parents are sent to old age homes by their own son and daughter. These thinking should be avoided and parents should be loved rather then treated as burden. Parents should be kept in heart rather then old age home. Even if the life is too busy, but a moment should be spent with parents.


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

> "Parents are the best teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"
> 
> 
> Learning starts from the day when a person is born in this world. The first teacher for a child is his/her parents. Parents play a vital role through the life whether its the first step, the first day in school or marriage. In many religions and cultures parents are compared to god, and given supreme position in this world.
> ...


Your Essay is 228 words.. should be at least 250 words...

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't see a relationship between the topic and the last paragraph...


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

> "Parents are the best teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"
> 
> 
> Learning starts from the day when a person is born in this world. The first teacher for a child is his/her parents. Parents play a vital role through the life whether its the first step, the first day in school or marriage. In many religions and cultures parents are compared to god, and given supreme position in this world.
> ...


Your Essay is 228 words.. should be at least 250 words...

Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't see a relationship between the topic and the last paragraph...



> In my opinion, parents are the first one to give you the first few lessons of life.


Try not to use the same work again and again, to the examiner it shows that you vocabulary is limited. I would go something like


> "Parents are generally a child’s first role model and can have a profound and lasting effect on his personality and behavior. "





> In critical situations in life


I would say


> During difficult times or in times of need


These are just my suggestions.. I could be wrong. I don't know how to rate an essay so i can't give you an estimated band score...


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

New_user01 said:


> Your feedback is also quite impressive.
> very well assessed
> Thank you!!


You are quite welcome mate.


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Mack1982 said:


> Your Essay is 228 words.. should be at least 250 words...
> 
> Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't see a relationship between the topic and the last paragraph...


I agree.



2013 said:


> Kindly review :
> 
> *
> "Parents are the best teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"*
> ...


As already pointed out by Mack1982, this essay is too short. Also you can improve this essay a lot by working on your task achievement and coherence and cohesion. You do not make that many grammar mistakes, which is a good thing.

Couple of general things about an essay.

1. An essay should have an Introduction, body(2-3 paragraphs) and conclusion structure. 

2. You should choose a thesis for the essay and this thesis should be clearly mentioned in the introduction or in the concluding paragraph. 

3. Your body should present evidence that crystallize your thesis. Anything else, albeit logical, is irrelevant. 

4. Every body paragraph should have a topic sentence or two. Topic sentences give a general idea about what the paragraph will describe.


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Mack1982 said:


> These are just my suggestions.. I could be wrong. I don't know how to rate an essay so i can't give you an estimated band score...


Your IELTS score is quite impressive mate. I tried to download your essays and letters but I got an error whiled doing so. Any chance of uploading them in a free hosting site like mediafire?


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Thanks... Strange.. I thought rapidgator was free.. any i uploaded on lumefile below is the link. Tell me if it works or not.
Download IELTS rar


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

> From where did you get this information mate? I normally only write about one side in an argument type essay.
> 
> I do not think it matters. Just my opinion.


I had the same problem. "Ace the IELTS" suggests that you discuss both sides whereas Ryan says that pick a side from the first paragraph and follow it through out the essay. Leave the other side out.

I just followed "Ace the IELTS" as I find discussing both sides easier, though i believe that is not the correct practice. I googled around and found that there are some essay topics that explicitly state that discuss both sides and provide your opinion. Only in these essays you should discuss both sides. Personally, to me it makes sense but I did not follow it.


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Mack1982 said:


> Thanks... Strange.. I thought rapidgator was free.. any i uploaded on lumefile below is the link. Tell me if it works or not.
> Download IELTS rar


I downloaded it using this link. Both Rapidgator and Lumfile have a free option, but it has limitations. 



Mack1982 said:


> I had the same problem. "Ace the IELTS" suggests that you discuss both sides whereas Ryan says that pick a side from the first paragraph and follow it through out the essay. Leave the other side out.
> 
> I just followed "Ace the IELTS" as I find discussing both sides easier, though i believe that is not the correct practice. I googled around and found that there are some essay topics that explicitly state that discuss both sides and provide your opinion. Only in these essays you should discuss both sides. Personally, to me it makes sense but I did not follow it.


I personally find it easier to argue about only one side in an essay. I can structure it well if I do so. 

I was so ready to write an argument type essay in the exam, however I got a discussion topic. So I could not follow my structure of just discussing/arguing about one side.


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## sathiyaseelan (Dec 8, 2012)

2013 said:


> Kindly review :
> 
> *
> "Parents are the best teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?"*
> ...


hI BUDDY!

Here are my comments on your essay.

Firstly, your essay is running out of words. You should write at least 25 words, although i recommend to write at least 280-290 words to be on the safe side.

Use adjectives and adverbs to decorate your essay with cakes and nuts. at least use 2/3 of them wherever applicable. For example, instead of writing:

The first teacher for a child is his/her parents
Undoubtedly, (it is obvious/no doubt that) The first teacher for a child is his/her parents.

Dont give your opinion in second paragraph. Instead, write it either in introduction paragraph or concluding paragraph. Even, in argument type of essays, you may point out the other side as well. However, you should strongly elucidate your agreed side with examples, reasons, online data, survey results, etc. which is fine to score more than 7 bands.

where is the concluding paragraph? forgot to write (ha ha ha). If you want to write only one side of the essay using argumentative model, use 4 paragraph structure with 2 supporting paragraphs and in case of argumentative essay with two sides, use 5 paragraph structures, one supporting paragraph with your disagree side and 2 supporting paragraphs with your agreed side.

Don't repeat parents again and again. sometimes, mother could be used to elucidate an example or reason and occasionally, father can be mentioned to support your reason. Likewise, use different keywords the same like kid, child, toddler, infant, etc. 

Overall, it seems to me band 5.5-6 level essay.

Try to employ the above things into your writing to which you will be applauded with 7 bands for sure if worse come to worst.

Regards,
sathiya


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## 2013 (Sep 16, 2013)

Thanks for the help guys. 

I'm about to start Writing module, so thought of evaluating myself before the start.

As per your comments, I need to work on paragraphs, main heading/objective, and go with Ace the IELTS books.

I've also realized that, I've made few grammatical mistakes, so I just need to work on material and objective. 

Thanks again, I'll work the points and will post one more essay again.


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## sathiyaseelan (Dec 8, 2012)

Hi IELTS candidates,

I would like to share some of my essays i wrote while preparing for IELTS examination.
I think that they may be useful for you to have knowledge on how to build up your essay at band level 7+.

Here is the one for you,

Nowadays, environmental problems are too big to be managed by individual persons or individual countries. In other words, it is an international problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Countries across the globe have alone tackled manifold problems all throughout the history. However, in recent times, they experience more intricacies to independently address environmental problems such as acid rain, ozone layer depletion, global warming to name but just a few. Here, it is absolutely agreed that these are global issues that should be jointly handled by all nations. This will be proven by meticulously analyzing how ecological hazards occurring in one country destruct the whole world and the insufficient funds held by a country to cope with these concerns fails to achieve pollution-free environment.

First of all, environmental pollution contributed by one country not only affects its atmosphere but also contaminates the prevalent things such as air, water and land of others as well thereby destroying the universe. For instance, enormous discharge of green house gases like carbon-di-oxide, carbon-monoxide and nitrous oxide from the industries located in United States of America caused acid rain fall in Canada in November, 2011. Thus, it is clear that environmental problem in one country produces consequences in other country. Therefore, these issues will no longer be harmful to adjacent countries also in addition to home countries.

Secondly, by and large, many developing countries are running out of money to deal with environmental problems. In fact, their contribution in polluting the environment is negligible when weighed against that of well developed countries. A good case in point is that India has budgeted only 10000 US dollars to diminish the adverse effects of environmental pollution. From this, it is apparent that countries especially, developing ones are not capable of funding the remedies. Hence, well developed countries who are the biggest contributors of environmental issues should also join hands with the countries that suffer from lack of funds.

Following the perusal of detrimental effects of environmental problems that puts all countries in risk and short of allocation of enough funds to troubleshoot the so called ecological concerns, it is proved that they are no longer local or regional issues but global threats to all nations across the universe. It is projected that well developed countries, in association with developing countries will initiate more activities to enhance the environmental conditions.

All the very best to you!

Comments and feedback are requested.

Sathiya


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## Bunni015 (May 8, 2013)

*Please evaluate essay*

Hi Everyone,

Kindly do me a favor by evaluating the below essay, and to pinpoint the areas to be concentrated. Genuinely, Rate this essay. Thanks in Advance 

*Some people say that increasing working hours leads to economic success, but there are also some disadvantages to it. 
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of view?*

While some believe that economic success is directly proportional to the labor force and their working hours, besides the known fact that “Health is Wealth”. A Country’s economic success can be judged on multifarious attributes; however, by just prolonging the working time the benefit might be petite. Therefore, it is believed that extended working hours always leads to a humdrum life. This argument perceives the disadvantages from health and relationships concerns.

Working for too many hours will degrade the quality of one’s own health. For instance, recently based on an article posted in economist, an employee in Toyota company was collapsed after his 80, extra working hours in a week. The fact, clearly, insists that untimely working lifestyle can make health apart and utmost taking a life. Hence, odd working hours will become a threat to health.

Besides of health, the other resentful fact is employees working for long hours get isolated from their loved one’s. Based on a post from economist website, Employees who are working above their normal working hours are found to be less socialized.Hence, these can no more mingle, share and express their opinions for the reason or fact that they got used to their working style and stay all alone. Thus, it should be accepted that extending time for the work will damage the relationships.

Finally, it can be comprehended from above views that extended working hours should not be encouraged. People with diverse views about extended working hours of labor force, have different implications which can affect health and relationships. In future, it is assumed that employers and employees won't support working for long hours.

Total word count : 277
Regards
Bunni


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Bunni015 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Kindly do me a favor by evaluating the below essay, and to pinpoint the areas to be concentrated. Genuinely, Rate this essay. Thanks in Advance
> 
> ...


Hi mate, 

This is a good attempt. Just by a quick look, I can say that you need to work a lot on your grammar. There are many grammar mistakes.

You are using a wide range of vocabulary, but it seems that sometimes the use is not appropriate and/or accurate. When combined with the wrong sentence structures, this does not convey your ideas fully, it seems. 

Your task achievement is good. I'd say this essay is around 6-6.5 range. Just my opinion.


----------



## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

sathiyaseelan said:


> Hi IELTS candidates,
> 
> I would like to share some of my essays i wrote while preparing for IELTS examination.
> I think that they may be useful for you to have knowledge on how to build up your essay at band level 7+.
> ...


Good essay mate.


----------



## Bunni015 (May 8, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> Hi mate,
> 
> This is a good attempt. Just by a quick look, I can say that you need to work a lot on your grammar. There are many grammar mistakes.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your feedback. Definitely, for sure, I'll work for Grammar improvisation.

Can you let me know what areas of Grammar you found that I need to develop. I mean, is it regarding punctuation or anything else. Please comment.

Thanks once again. AncientGlory.


Regards
Bunni


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Bunni015 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Kindly do me a favor by evaluating the below essay, and to pinpoint the areas to be concentrated. Genuinely, Rate this essay. Thanks in Advance
> 
> ...


attached the reviewed document here


----------



## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

Bunni015 said:


> Thanks for your feedback. Definitely, for sure, I'll work for Grammar improvisation.
> 
> Can you let me know what areas of Grammar you found that I need to develop. I mean, is it regarding punctuation or anything else. Please comment.
> 
> ...


While some believe that economic success is directly proportional to the labor force and their working hours, besides the known fact that “Health is Wealth”. - *Your idea is not clear here. It seems the sentence structure is wrong. How do you connect first part of the sentence to the "Health" part?. *

A Country’s economic success can be judged on multifarious attributes; however, by just prolonging the working time the benefit might be petite. - *This sentence is grammatically wrong in my opinion. I'd say "....however, the benefits of just prolonging the working time are petite". I'm also not sure about the use of the word petite. I normally use this word to describe chicks. *

Therefore, it is believed that extended working hours always leads to a humdrum life.- *When you use 'therefore' you are connecting this sentence with the previous one. But how the two are connected is not clear to me. In the first sentence you say benefits might be less. But how does that make life dull?*

This argument perceives the disadvantages from health and relationships concerns. - *Again not clear what you mean here. At any case the use of the phrases "relationships concerns" does not seem correct. Also, your logic is not clear. What argument?? If it is the argument in the previous sentence, are you saying that health and relationship concerns lead to a humdrum life? That doesn't seem logical to me.*

Working for too many hours will degrade the quality of one’s own health. - Use of 'own' is unnecessary and damages the flow of the sentence.

For instance, recently based on an article posted in economist, an employee of Toyota company was collapsed after his 80, extra working hours in a week. - *This sentence is grammatically wrong. "For instance, it was posted recently in Economist that an employee of Toyota company collapsed after working 80 extra hours in a week.
*

The fact, clearly, insists that untimely working lifestyle can make health apart and utmost taking a life. - *There are grammar mistakes in this one also. "Thus, it is apparent that untimely working lifestyle can degrade a person's health and ultimately can even cost him his life.*"

Hence, odd working hours will become a threat to health.

Besides of health, the other resentful fact is employees working for long hours get isolated from their loved one’s. - *Beside the health concerns, another resentful (resentful is not the word I would use) fact is that employees working for long hours get isolated from their loved ones.* 

Based on a post from economist website, Employees who are working above their normal working hours are found to be less socialized. - *Better wording would be, According to a recent post in economist website, employees who are working above their normal working hours have a less active social life.
*

Hence, these can no more mingle, share and express their opinions for the reason or fact that they got used to their working style and stay all alone. - *More grammar mistakes here. Also I think your logical structure is breaking. Better wording would be, "Due to the fact that they are so used to their working style, they no longer have time to mingle, share and express their opinions with others and thus, are alone most of the time. *

Thus, it should be accepted that extending time for the work will damage the relationships. - *Thus, it is evident that extending work time will damage a person's relationships with others...*.

Finally, it can be comprehended(*concluded*) from above views that extended working hours should not be encouraged.

People with diverse views about extended working hours of labor force, have different implications which can affect health and relationships.
*-This sentence does not make sense. *

In future, it is assumed that employers and employees won't support working for long hours.

Total word count : 277
Regards
Bunni


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## Shiv11 (Jan 5, 2013)

Hi All,
This is my 1st Essay. Experts please provide your feedback for improvement. 


IELTS Writing Example 1

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. 

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

You should write at least 250 words.


Few people argue that animals should not be exploited and they should have same rights as we humans are having for their survival. whereas others support that animals should be used for humans’ needs and survivals. Here, I am going to discuss both the points with relevant examples.

Firstly, Humans are the most important creature in the word. For humans’ existence and better survival, people argue that animals should be used in research for finding cure of dangerous diseases. For instance, horse’s blood is required to develop the medicines to cure snakes’ bite and those medicines are used to save the life of humans and in this case, animals suffering can be compromised.

Secondly, Animals are same like humans and they get pain when they are kept in case, used overly and killed for humans’ pleasures, luxury and show case. For example, animals are killed and their skins are used in production of many cosmetic and luxury products which are completely worthless. In addition, it has been proven that humans can get all required nutrition, what they get from animals’ meat, from vegetables and plants so there is no point of killing animals just for taste. Moreover, if right steps are not taken to save animals then killing of the animals can bring their existence in danger and time will come when they will vanish from the earth forever.

In summary, Animals should be used for research to some extent however, in my opinion; there should be rights for animals as humans to save their existence.


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Shiv11 said:


> Hi All,
> This is my 1st Essay. Experts please provide your feedback for improvement.
> 
> 
> ...


- You need to work on your grammar and sentence structure. For example: "we humans are having for their survival", "Secondly, Animals are same like humans and they get pain when they are kept in case, used overly and killed for humans’ pleasures, luxury"
- I don't understand your conclusion. Are you against it or for it?
- Word choice can be improved.


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## Shiv11 (Jan 5, 2013)

Mack1982 said:


> - You need to work on your grammar and sentence structure. For example: "we humans are having for their survival", "Secondly, Animals are same like humans and they get pain when they are kept in case, used overly and killed for humans’ pleasures, luxury"
> - I don't understand your conclusion. Are you against it or for it?
> - Word choice can be improved.


Hi,
Thanks for providing feed back. In 2nd paragraph I am in support of Animal rights So I have written _Secondly, Animals are same like humans and they (animals) get pain when they are kept in case, used overly and animals are killed for humans’ pleasures, luxury and show case._. Could you help me in correcting this.


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Shiv11 said:


> Hi,
> Thanks for providing feed back. In 2nd paragraph I am in support of Animal rights So I have written _Secondly, Animals are same like humans and they (animals) get pain when they are kept in case, used overly and animals are killed for humans’ pleasures, luxury and show case._. Could you help me in correcting this.


I think you are trying to give too much information in a single sentence. Try to keep things simple. If the sentence gets too long, break it into multiple sentences. For example in your sentence there are two ideas "Animal health or live stock" and "hunting". Write them separately. This would automatically make it easier for you to construct correct sentences. You can add ideas using linking words like additionally, moreover or furthermore. 



> _Secondly, Animals are same like humans_


_
Secondly, animals, like humans, ......




get pain when they are kept in case

Click to expand...

people do not get pain they feel pain. I think you are trying to say cages not cases. Lastly, the idea is strange. Go something like this:




Secondly, confining animals in cages for long periods of time can deteriorate their health.

Click to expand...

Now you have a simple sentence with a clear central idea. You can expand on it by giving examples like the mad cow disease. 

Once done use a linking word and go to the next idea, like in your case hunting._


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## Bunni015 (May 8, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> While some believe that economic success is directly proportional to the labor force and their working hours, besides the known fact that “Health is Wealth”. - *Your idea is not clear here. It seems the sentence structure is wrong. How do you connect first part of the sentence to the "Health" part?. *
> 
> A Country’s economic success can be judged on multifarious attributes; however, by just prolonging the working time the benefit might be petite. - *This sentence is grammatically wrong in my opinion. I'd say "....however, the benefits of just prolonging the working time are petite". I'm also not sure about the use of the word petite. I normally use this word to describe chicks. *
> 
> ...


Thank you very much for showing me the right direction, AncientGlory and SaathiyaSeelan. I'll work on these above mentioned errors. 

Regards
Bunni


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## Bunni015 (May 8, 2013)

*Another essay*

Hi 

Insipte of so many errors pointed and committed in my previous essay , I attempted and tried to improve my writing style in the below essay. Can any one comment on it.

*Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?What other measures do you think might be effective?*

In modern world, congestion is one of the major problem that has to be addressed immediately. However, hike in petrol price cannot be a remedy to the problem; rather, this can arise other issues related to food supplies and its transportation. Because of , which a common man will be affected.Obviously, to solve the problem of traffic jams and pollution problems, increase in price of petrol will not be accepted. This essay provides the alternative ways to overcome these global concerns.

Firstly, exceeding levels of carbon footprint is one of the major contributing factor for increasing pollution problem. According to facts provided by Wikipedia the United States of America household, on an average produces 48 tons carbon dioxide per year and one of the major source contributing to this is driving i.e. using gasoline vehicles. Thus, it is apparent that by avoiding unnecessary use of light motor vehicles for short distances can reduce carbon footprint. Therefore, by skipping using cars and taking a walk can help to reduce carbon footprint and on the above it can help to minimize the severity of pollution and its effects.

Secondly, most of the times, using too much of personal vehicles to commute, shop and travel is a reason for traffic jams. By considering the carpooling, this problem can be resolved. Based on the information provided by Wikipedia, in U.S. total 43 percentage of carpooling mechanism is used for trips and travel and 10 percentage is for commute. Because of this ride-sharing technique, people can reduce their expenses in trips and commutation. This by default reduces the number of vehicles on the road, which directly affects the traffic congestion. Hence, by using car-sharing facility which is provided and encouraged by many countries and organizations can help to reduce the problem of traffic.

Finally, traffic and pollution are directly related to each other and to resolve these predominant problems, increasing the price of petrol cannot help. Instead, by avoiding excessive driving and riding with someone accompanied - carpooling, these can significantly reduce the effect of pollution and traffic congestion.In near future, it is assumed that people become aware of the benefits of carpooling and walking instead of driving which can lead us to a healthy unpolluted world and free roads.

Regards
Bunni


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## Shiv11 (Jan 5, 2013)

_*Hi,
I have written below essay for band 7. Someone could please evaluate it and feedback is highly appreciated in terms of pointing errors and suggesting corrections. *_

IELTS Writing Example 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. 

Write about the following topic: 

Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree? 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. 

You should write at least 250 words. 

After the introduction of high-tech media, some people hold the opinion that the public libraries would be obsolete if they do not offer software, videos or DVDs to their users while others stand that it is only a waste of limited resources and libraries should offer books only.

High-tech media is, in many ways, indeed superior to the books in terms of entertainment, attraction and functionality. For Instance, by using videos or DVDs, users can visualize the contents and images in better way than the books and same videos can be copied across multiple systems and can be accessed by various users at the same time but same is not possible in case of books. Further, libraries need to have many physical hard copies of each book for each individual those raise difficulties in managing the books which lead to higher cost compare to videos or DVDs.

More importantly, software provides flexibility to keep information up-to-date and easy to maintain and share. For example, a particular book is not available in library ‘A’ and borrower needs it urgently. In this case librarian has the option to search and find out the availability of same book in other libraries and borrower can be instructed to get it from other libraries based on availability. However this could not be possible without high-tech media and it may take couple of days or weeks to find out same information without software.

Furthermore, Due to availability of high-tech media, borrowers themselves have option to create online account and would locate the particular books in their nearby libraries. In case, required books are not available in their nearby library, online request can be made to transfer the particular books from other libraries to nearby library. This easy access feature of high-tech media attracts borrows to use public libraries more.

In conclusion, I agree that Public libraries would be benefited in multiple ways if they are equipped with the high-tech media.


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Shiv11 said:


> _*Hi,
> I have written below essay for band 7. Someone could please evaluate it and feedback is highly appreciated in terms of pointing errors and suggesting corrections. *_
> 
> IELTS Writing Example 2
> ...


Much better essay in terms of grammar and sentence structure compared to your earlier one. Spend some time on understanding the topic, write pros and cons on a piece of paper and then start your essay.


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## Mack1982 (Jul 27, 2013)

Bunni015 said:


> Hi
> 
> Insipte of so many errors pointed and committed in my previous essay , I attempted and tried to improve my writing style in the below essay. Can any one comment on it.
> 
> ...




sentence structure...
Topic and Essay structure is good


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## Shiv11 (Jan 5, 2013)

Mack1982 said:


> Much better essay in terms of grammar and sentence structure compared to your earlier one. Spend some time on understanding the topic, write pros and cons on a piece of paper and then start your essay.


Hi Mack1982,
Thank you very much for providing feedback with all corrections required.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Please assess this and give an idea of band score.

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?

There is no doubt in saying that education and other qualifications make the person civilized. Proper education shows people the ideal path to live in a right manner rather than dragging the life. It is difficult to conclude whether employers should consider qualifications or personal experiences and values while hiring an employee, as both has its positives and negatives. 
These benefits and drawbacks will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

On the one side, it is believed that qualifications can be bought but values cannot. It is widely known that some developing countries have a lot of corruption and even schools or colleges are not apart from this. For instance, small universities or institutions sells graduate or masters degree certificates to earn short cut money. Furthermore, books can teach the person to do math, history or geography but they do not teach the pupils how to tackle difficult situations in working environment. For example, managers need special skills if they have to convince their juniors for overtime but his situation never arises in education institutions. Therefore, schools cannot teach everything.

On the other hand, qualifications are the standards that companies set while hiring new employees but personal experiences or values cannot be static. For example, companies can ask for specific degree or certification as a job requirement but real life experiences cannot be treated as standards. Moreover, one cannot describe his/her own life in a short time of interview but proof of qualifications can be shown in a form of certificates. Also, employer cannot evaluate a person on the values he/she has but marks obtained in studies, can give an idea of the person intelligence to employer.

In conclusion, following the analysis of both the point of views, it is agreed that qualifications are better to consider while hiring new employees. Assessing person on qualifications is easier than judging anyone on the personal life experiences, which cannot be seen at the time of interview. It is predicted that employers will continue recruit candidates on the qualifications they have.


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## Shiv11 (Jan 5, 2013)

*Please evaluate this and provide the band.*


IELTS Writing Example 3

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. 

Write about the following topic: 

Modern children are suffering from the diseases those were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solution can be offered?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. 

You should write at least 250 words. 

Nowadays, overweight of children and adults are the worldwide issue. Obesity is one of the major issue and increasing rapidly in school going children. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss about causes and offer solutions to prevent it.

The first main reason of obesity in children is lack of self-awareness toward their health and unhealthy eating habit. For instance, Children more inclined towards unearthly foods like burger, French fries etc. They consume it more because they are not aware and educated about the fat content in unhealthy and fast foods. In prevention, children should be educated about their daily intake and fat content available in various foods and reverse effect of overdose of unhealthy foods. In my opinion, a subject should be introduced in their curriculum for the same.

The second main reason is not having adequate physical exercise. Since introduction of software games like video games, mobile games, sports and physical activities have been drastically reduced in school going children. Modern children are more tending towards software games rather participating in physical and outdoor activities. In solution to this, School should have compulsory day training every week for swimming, trekking and other outdoor activities. These practices will revive children’s interest for outdoor activities and they will be benefited. In addition to this, parents also have to show interest in educating their children about the importance of physical activities and reverse effect of not having these.

To sum up, it is clear from above that the main causes of obesity are unhealthy eating habits and lack of enough physical exercise. This ailment can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habits and proper and enough physical exercises.


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## AncientGlory (Aug 23, 2012)

New_user01 said:


> Please assess this and give an idea of band score.


Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee. Do you agree or disagree? What are positive and negative aspects of the issue?

There is no doubt in saying that education and other qualifications make (*the*) *a* person civilized. Proper education shows people the ideal path to live in a right manner rather than dragging the life. It is difficult to conclude whether employers should *(consider) give priority to* qualifications or personal experiences and values while hiring an employee, as both *(has its) have their* positives and negatives. 
These benefits and drawbacks will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

*(On the one side) On one side (I would not normally use this phrase.*, it is believed that qualifications can be bought but values cannot. It is widely known that some developing countries have a lot of corruption and even schools or colleges are not apart from this. For instance, small universities or institutions *(sells) sell* graduate or masters degree certificates to earn short cut money. Furthermore, books can teach the person to do math, history or geography but they do not teach the pupils how to tackle difficult situations in a working environment. For example, managers need special skills if they have to convince their juniors* (for) to do* overtime but *(his) this* situation never arises in education institutions. Therefore, schools cannot teach everything.

On the other hand, qualifications are the standards that companies set while hiring new employees but personal experiences or values cannot be static. For example, companies can ask for specific degree or certification as a job requirement but real life experiences cannot be treated as standards. Moreover, one cannot describe his/her own life in a *(short time of interview) short period of time during and interview* but proof of qualifications can be shown in a form of certificates. Also, *an* employer cannot evaluate a person on the values he/she has but marks obtained in studies, can give an idea of the person*'s* intelligence to *the* employer.

In conclusion, following the analysis of both *(the)* point of views, it is agreed that qualifications are better to consider while hiring new employees. Assessing *a* person on qualifications is easier than judging anyone on the personal life experiences, which cannot be seen at the time of interview. It is predicted that employers will continue *to* recruit candidates on the qualifications they have.

*Good essay. 
Task Achievement - 7
Coherence and cohesion -7
Grammar - 7
Lexical resource 6

Overall - 7 or closer*

Couple of things that you can improve on.

(1) I personally think that your argument should either be presented in both introduction and conclusion or just in conclusion. In your essay, in the introduction you say that one cannot come to a conclusion on which is better. Then in your conclusion you say "A" is better. In my opinion, this damages the flow of your essay. I think both introduction and conclusion should be consistent.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

[quote

*Good essay. 
Task Achievement - 7
Coherence and cohesion -7
Grammar - 7
Lexical resource 6

Overall - 7 or closer*

Couple of things that you can improve on.

(1) I personally think that your argument should either be presented in both introduction and conclusion or just in conclusion. In your essay, in the introduction you say that one cannot come to a conclusion on which is better. Then in your conclusion you say "A" is better. In my opinion, this damages the flow of your essay. I think both introduction and conclusion should be consistent.[/quote]



Thanks Buddy for your detailed feedback.

your point on the consistency of Introduction and conclusion paragraph is justified..

I will work on that in my future writings.


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## npraneethreddy (Dec 13, 2012)

Hello Friends,
Please rate my essay

It has been proved that smoking kills. In some countries it has been made illegal for people to smoke in all public places except in certain areas. All countries should make these rules.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Word Count : 261

In today’s world, smoking is considered to be one of the treat to human health. Each year many people are getting affected negatively by the causes of smoking. It is strongly believed that without exception all countries should frame laws to completely ban smoking in public places. This will be shown by analyzing how smoking causes lethal diseases to surrounding people and effect the environment.

Firstly, smoking in public place causes discomfort to others and also puts them at risk of acquiring lethal diseases. Research proves that passive smoking is more injurious to health than active, also most of the times smell from smokers is unbearable. As can be seen, smoking creates negative atmosphere and put public at discomfort. Therefore, nations should create rules to make smoking illegal in public places.

Secondly, Smoking also has many effects on the environment. Smoke discharged from Cigarette’s have many harmful gases which will have environmental effect like raise in air pollutions levels and thereby contribute to the rise in mean temperatures. These after effects of smoking puts the entire society at risk including the smoker’s themselves. Thus, it can be concluded that smoking has many negative ramification on the Society as a whole and should be banned.

As the above illustrates, smoking causes illness not only to self but also to others and pollutes the air we breathe. It has thus been proved that smoking has negative effects on human kind and should be banned in public places. It is hoped that all countries will recognize this and make smoking illegal in public places.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

AncientGlory said:


> *Good essay.
> Task Achievement - 7
> Coherence and cohesion -7
> Grammar - 7
> ...



Thanks Buddy for your detailed feedback.

your point on the consistency of Introduction and conclusion paragraph is justified..

I will work on that in my future writings.


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## New_user01 (May 29, 2013)

Hello Expats,

I tried to answer the recent Ielts topic.

Please check and provide your feedback-:

Essay: 
Some people find it hard to learn a new language. Write about the challenges people face in learning a new language and how can overcome them.

Knowing multiple languages has become indispensable due to globalization. One has to put enormous efforts to learn a new language. Even though technology helps one in the learning process to a large extent, but some people still find it a challenging task. It is believed that every language has its own methods to learn and one should follow the same to gain expertise in the language.

To begin with, one has to go through number of hurdles while learning a language. Firstly, people often have a big influence of their native language which affects adversely in the learning curve. They would need a translator or interpreter when they want to learn other language, and if translator is unavailable, they get stuck in the process of learning. This makes it clear that dependency of translator is a big hurdle while learning. Secondly and finally, Time spent in learning is also a pivotal factor in acquiring a language, but people are so much indulged in their work or other things, that they face difficulties in learning language due to lack of time.

It is often said that there is a solution to every problem in this contemporary world. Similarly, there are ways to handle all the obstacles in learning a language. Admittedly, technological advancements have made this job easier for pupils. This technology, with the help of internet, has reduced the distance between people sitting in the different part of the world. For instance, online trainers have eliminated the problem of unavailability of translators. Furthermore, one do not has to spend much time in the classrooms studies because of computer based training. This online training gives flexibility to learners so they can login anytime and start the section as per their convenience. It also allows users to repeat the chapters they want to learn. This example clearly shows that learning language can be made easier with the help of internet.

To conclude, learning language is an art which requires special skills. Although, few things make the process of learning a little hard but technology provides a platform for users to acquire a new language.


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## sanskar (May 2, 2013)

Requesting feedback on essay i've written... Thanks in advance.


Topic:



> Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your opinion.


Essay:



> In the present world, people are growing more and more concerned regarding development of their children. Parents wish to leave no stone unturned in order to ensure development of their children. The merits and demerits of educating children at home as opposed to schools are often debated. Both concepts shall be analyzed before stating my opinion.
> 
> Firstly, it is easy to see the merits of individual attention that a child receives when taught at home. For example, at home greater emphasis could be given to areas which children find difficult to follow. Therefore child’s development is ensured when tutored at home. Thus it is easy to see why the method of teaching children at home has gained support.
> 
> ...


(Words: 238)


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## tarung2010 (Sep 10, 2012)

> The argument of picking one over another will be discussed by showing their benefits and drawbacks.


showing is incorrect, argument is a strong word, suggested a line or two to make context of issue, like what is house and what is apartment and then discussing advantages or disadvantages, 

Important to use right antonyms , like merit -demerit, Benefit : Synonyms and Antonyms ,


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## tirik.ijrad (Dec 22, 2013)

Topic: In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

Essay: 
The issue of age discrimination in job allocation has ponder it's value when recession in economy heaving. Laid off to older employees gets increased during this period. Which gradually raised concerns for governments. Hence, governments have made law to prevent age discrimination. This law is helping aged workers to remain in job as well as unable them to secure their future.

In the employers' view, senior employees are expensive and money dredgers. This is due to experienced employees want higher salaries and more health benefits. Moreover sometimes old employees have to work under comparatively young and inexperienced supervisors. This situation may not acceptable in some cases by older employees and results in workplace disputes. On top of it, old employees have deteriorated grasping power and are less interested in practicing newer technologies. This end up negatively in selection by employers for the job as training and educating old employees is challenging in terms of imparting education and also economically costly.

On the other hand, senior employees offer matured understanding of work culture and play the part of mentor in improving and maintaining inter-personal relations, less interest in counterproductive activities, maintain safe work environment with best skills for the work. Moreover they use their previous company's knowledge to improve products aand processes thus by proving yheir value in organization. Overall the cost of their employment is remunerated by their expertize and skills.

To conclude, its necessary for goverments to prevent older employees from being dull and unproductive till they entitled for social security after retirement. So that they have more financial stable future and remain active before and after their retirement.

IELTS: 16 May 2013 L7 R8.5 W6 S6.5 || EA apply: 12 Sept 2013 || IELTS 2nd: 18 Jan 2014


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