# how did your family react to your move abroad?



## sophie2009 (Nov 24, 2009)

just a general question for any expats...when you made the move, were your family and freinds supportive or did it take a lot of reassuring to make them understand why you want to move away? 
me and my husband have wanted to move out of the UK for a long time but my mother in law uses tears and emotional blackmail to show how opposed she is to it. I dont care but i know my husband is having a problem with it and i would never consider the move unless he was with me 100% of the way.
it is quite ironic because she left her family and moved to the uk with her husband back in the seventies!


----------



## Gavtek (Aug 23, 2009)

Dunno really, I just told them I was going and nothing anyone said would have stopped me. Sounds like you just need to tell your husband to man up.


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

well I moved out when I was 19 and i have been living abroad for 11 years now, i go back every now and then to visit but they never really had a problem with it, but yeah whole situation is very subjective.


----------



## oh! (Feb 24, 2010)

Don't force him...if you do and he loses his mother while he is abroad working over the years...he might always blame you for him not being with his mother in her last days...trust me these regrets do come once a person is gone. Let the decision of moving come from him, do not force it on him or it might actually backfire on you one day and you might end up looking like a villain in his life...

You MIL left her parents...maybe that is what is making her hold on to her son even more...


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

> Don't force him...if you do and he loses his mother while he is abroad working over the years...he might always blame you for him not being with his mother in her last days...trust me these regrets do come once a person is gone. Let the decision of moving come from him, do not force it on him or it might actually backfire on you one day and you might end up looking like a villain in his life...


sounds like a korean drama


----------



## oh! (Feb 24, 2010)

jander13 said:


> sounds like a korean drama


which is inspired by real life


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

> which is inspired by real life


you lie, koreans live on the internet!


----------



## Elphaba (Jan 24, 2008)

sophie2009 said:


> just a general question for any expats...when you made the move, were your family and freinds supportive or did it take a lot of reassuring to make them understand why you want to move away?
> me and my husband have wanted to move out of the UK for a long time but my mother in law uses tears and emotional blackmail to show how opposed she is to it. I dont care but i know my husband is having a problem with it and i would never consider the move unless he was with me 100% of the way.
> it is quite ironic because she left her family and moved to the uk with her husband back in the seventies!


Not an uncommon reaction, but rather self-centred of her. What is her issue with you living abroad? Can she not see it as having a cheap holiday home, or allowing her son to be happy in his life and further his career?

My family had no issue with either my brother or me moving abroad, but we have lived in many places, so not the same as someone who has lived in the same area all their lives. 

Good luck in handling the MiL. 

-


----------



## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

Mine were pleased to get rid of me!

Actually that's not strictly true, i've not lived in my home town (of NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE HOME OF THE FAMOUS TOON ARMY!) since 1992, so i basically upped and left.


----------



## mcd1203 (Nov 25, 2008)

Our families were mostly supportive. Mine moreso since I've had two brothers overseas for 15-20 years. One even lives here. Our friends were supportive as well but really want us to move back to Canada as soon as we can.
We actually debated it right up to the deadline date. Still question if we made the right decision some days.


----------



## dizzyizzy (Mar 30, 2008)

My family was not happy to see me go although they were all supportive. Not much they could do really as I had already made up my mind


----------



## sandypool (Sep 12, 2009)

Career opportunity was too good to pass up. Coupled with my Aunts and Uncles telling me I would be mad to not go from their personal experience out here. My mum misses me but she is here tomorrow and is more excited to see DXB than she is to see me I think - cheap holidays and flights seem to have weighed her opinion after the initial separation. Plus I talk to them now more (skype video calling etc.) than I ever did at Uni (too drunk/hungover in lectures to have had time!).

I think it is a case of explaining the positives of your move and reassuring the MIF that they will be welcome for holidays and equally you will be visiting them as often as possible.

I'm rather happy not to have a Mother in Law - one mum is entirely enough!!


----------



## dizzyizzy (Mar 30, 2008)

sandypool said:


> Plus I talk to them now more (skype video calling etc.) than I ever did at Uni


Actually is the same for me, when I was living in Mexico I would only call them every couple of weeks, now we talk on Skype every weekend and sometimes more. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder


----------



## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

I would say if your husband is not moving his feet, he may very well be digging his own heels in not wanting to move. Maybe your not on the same piece of paper the way you think? Would suggest a long sit down with him to decide future plans and get on the same game plan.


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

also if you decide to come w/o your husband there are plenty of single guys here


----------



## Mohammeddin (Feb 24, 2010)

I lived abroad for 2 years. It was a small russian-speaking country in the centre of Europe - Belarus (It borders with Russia, Poland, the Ukraine, Latvia and Lithuania). Everybody knows that russian (it is better to say slavonic people) drink a lot of alcohol drinks. You can find drunk people in the morning, in the aftrnoon, in the evening and they appear everywhere. So my family members were afraid of that I could break our "alcohol law" & start drinking while being far from my home. Also they didn't want me to marry a beautiful russian girl. But this is another story...


----------



## Fatenhappy (Jun 23, 2009)

oh! said:


> Don't force him...if you do and he loses his mother while he is abroad working over the years...he might always blame you for him not being with his mother in her last days...trust me these regrets do come once a person is gone. Let the decision of moving come from him, do not force it on him or it might actually backfire on you one day and you might end up looking like a villain in his life...
> 
> You MIL left her parents...maybe that is what is making her hold on to her son even more...


Hmm sounds pretty deep to me considering he is only a 7 hour or so plane flight away .... If thats the case, hes never going to be able to move on somewhat with his own family.... but each to their own !!

I am speaking from personal experience as I had pretty much the same senario with both of my sisters with reference to my own mother before coming over to DXB this time.

If you plan things right and keep in touch, everything will be fine. I phone my mother regularly, more than previously and visit more often as well so its all good ... especially when you just happen in with a few trinkets of gold and some perfume now and then ... ... its all in the planning ......:eyebrows::eyebrows:

As an aside my mum and I are closer now than ever, especially since I think she has come to realise that I'm not deserting her!.... Bottom line is if worst comes to worst your only a plane ride away!!


----------



## Elphaba (Jan 24, 2008)

Fatenhappy said:


> Hmm sounds pretty deep to me considering he is only a 7 hour or so plane flight away .... If thats the case, hes never going to be able to move on somewhat with his own family.
> 
> I am speaking from personal experience as I had pretty much the same senario with both of my sisters with reference to my own mother before coming over to DXB this time.
> 
> ...


Exactly!

It is so easy to keep in touch these days with easy telephone calls, emails, social networking sites etc. Some of us old folk remember living overseas before the internet when post took weeks to arrive and an international telephone call was only for dire emergencies and Christmas (when you had to book a slot!).* 

Dubai is an international tourist destination so the thought of holidays here should be a selling point. Relatively speaking flights are pretty cheap these days and you can email or sent photos within minutes of events happening at little or no cost. 


*I hasten to add I am talking about the 70's when I was a child before you all start thinking that I am aged 65! 

-


----------



## Fatenhappy (Jun 23, 2009)

Elphaba said:


> Exactly!
> 
> It is so easy to keep in touch these days with easy telephone calls, emails, social networking sites etc. Some of us old folk remember living overseas before the internet when post took weeks to arrive and an international telephone call was only for dire emergencies and Christmas (when you had to book a slot!).*
> 
> ...


Yae yea yea ... sure what ever you say Elphy "we believe you ... honestly we do ... no we really do".... :flypig::flypig::flypig:


----------



## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

jander13 said:


> also if you decide to come w/o your husband there are plenty of single guys here


Wow! I guess, got to love that spirit!


----------



## stewart (Jun 21, 2009)

Been doing abroad jobs to long for them to care anymore.
Makes going home one big party with freinds, a welcome back party and another going away party.
Gives freinds and family somewhere to holiday to with cheap accommodation, just wish they would not stay so long sometimes.
If you read this Brad, only joking.


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

> Wow! I guess, got to love that spirit!


merely providing encouragement!


----------



## stewart (Jun 21, 2009)

jander13 said:


> also if you decide to come w/o your husband there are plenty of single guys here


And plenty of single women.


----------



## sophie2009 (Nov 24, 2009)

Gavtek said:


> Dunno really, I just told them I was going and nothing anyone said would have stopped me. Sounds like you just need to tell your husband to man up.


i think he just needs to grow a pair...


----------



## sophie2009 (Nov 24, 2009)

i live five hours away from my family but its never been an issue. My husband is fine with going wether his mum is happy or not, i just dont want the monster in laws voice in the back of my head 'how could you do this to me.......?'


----------



## jander13 (Mar 12, 2009)

> And plenty of single women.


yeah but andy c gets em all!


----------



## Free_Spirit (Aug 30, 2009)

Mohammeddin said:


> I lived abroad for 2 years. It was a small russian-speaking country in the centre of Europe - Belarus (It borders with Russia, Poland, the Ukraine, Latvia and Lithuania). Everybody knows that russian (it is better to say slavonic people) drink a lot of alcohol drinks. You can find drunk people in the morning, in the aftrnoon, in the evening and they appear everywhere. So my family members were afraid of that I could break our "alcohol law" & start drinking while being far from my home. Also they didn't want me to marry a beautiful russian girl. But this is another story...


had lots of fun reading your post )))) i am Russian and i don't drink at all, also my husbands family supported him 100% in our marriage.... to drink or not is between you and God, you can drink in UAE too if you want to... and you can go out with girls without marriage... it's only you who can control it


----------



## Free_Spirit (Aug 30, 2009)

sophie2009 said:


> i just dont want the monster in laws voice in the back of my head 'how could you do this to me.......?'


you are so cute ))) people in age are not getting any better so you have to show some understanding to her situation... maybe she feels insecured? don't increase the gap between her and her son, invite her to stay with you or just stay away from clashes, she will accept the fact with a time probably )))

when i got an offer to come to Dubai i was not too excited and it's only my Mom who pushed me to accept it... she brain washed me big time to leave everything back home and come to unknown country because she saw new opportunities in this move which i did not... dad just accepted the fact, i told him 3 weeks before i moved so he had no time to think about it )))


----------



## Mohammeddin (Feb 24, 2010)

Ella_and_Yousef said:


> had lots of fun reading your post )))) i am Russian and i don't drink at all, also my husbands family supported him 100% in our marriage.... to drink or not is between you and God, you can drink in UAE too if you want to... and you can go out with girls without marriage... it's only you who can control it


My family is large and my parents would like to keep their old family tradition: not to mix races. You are very lucky that your husband's family has accepted you.
As for me: I'm a modern man and my view is different but I respect my parents' oppinion and don't want to argue with them...
As for drinking people : you know even better than me that this is a great problem for your country (Russia or Belarus... nevermind) and you also know that people in the UAE would never do it the same way as in your motherland Russia...
Sorry.


----------



## Free_Spirit (Aug 30, 2009)

Mohammeddin said:


> My family is large and my parents would like to keep their old family tradition: not to mix races. You are very lucky that your husband's family has accepted you.
> As for me: I'm a modern man and my view is different but I respect my parents' oppinion and don't want to argue with them...
> As for drinking people : you know even better than me that this is a great problem for your country (Russia or Belarus... nevermind) and you also know that people in the UAE would never do it the same way as in your motherland Russia...
> Sorry.


yap and that's why i am in UAE and not Russia


----------



## Guest (Apr 29, 2010)

Wow, I just don't understand how a parent can be that selfish. Sorry, Sophie, but really, you would think that she would want her son and his wife to live their own life and be happy. I understand that of course she will miss you, but you and your husband can't put his hopes and dreams aside for someone else.

I have a 20 year old who moved to China, a 10 hour flight away. I miss him like crazy and I still worry about him (hey, I'm a mom!), but it's his life, not mine and he has to experience it in his own way.

It sounds like your hubby needs to sit down with his mum & have a long chat, and ask her to please try and understand. Good luck. As for the monster in laws voices in the back of your head, all I can say is try and ignore them. The MIL is the one who is choosing to feel hurt, or whatever, and it is not your responsibility - it's hers


----------

