# Relationship Help



## Kevin Milan (Nov 2, 2015)

I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.


----------



## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

Classic tampo. Counselor are a bit of a western thing, I'd even go as far to say an American thing. I don't think filipinos do that sort of thing, living in an extended family you are more likely to go to family for support.


----------



## Kevin Milan (Nov 2, 2015)

Thanks, that is my take, too. Tampo. Heard about it, seen it, but have never experienced it until just recently. Problem is, the wise (truly) mother has been uncermoniously "squeezed" out of the house and has been ostracized, other family (cousins, etc.) have noticed the change and talked to her about communicating...a few days is tolerable, but an entire month? Now two months? Serious and sometimes violent temper tantrums...and then shutdown. I do not reciprocate...I just stay calm, tell her that I will not talk to her while she is raging, and usually just leave for a period...if she has not already done so. There is a truly destructive younger sister involved, whose children we have happily taken care of along with nanay. 

Before these last 6 months I would never have imagined this. This is not the lady I have know for most of these seven years. Perplexed.


----------



## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

Kevin Milan said:


> Thanks, that is my take, too. Tampo. Heard about it, seen it, but have never experienced it until just recently. Problem is, the wise (truly) mother has been uncermoniously "squeezed" out of the house and has been ostracized, other family (cousins, etc.) have noticed the change and talked to her about communicating...a few days is tolerable, but an entire month? Now two months? Serious and sometimes violent temper tantrums...and then shutdown. I do not reciprocate...I just stay calm, tell her that I will not talk to her while she is raging, and usually just leave for a period...if she has not already done so. There is a truly destructive younger sister involved, whose children we have happily taken care of along with nanay.
> 
> Before these last 6 months I would never have imagined this. This is not the lady I have know for most of these seven years. Perplexed.


You could try the way filipino men deal with it, just move in with the mistress until it's over.


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Kevin Milan said:


> I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.


Hi Kevin,

You and I are both from the States so I'll give you a quote from the TV "shrink", Dr. Phil, that usually holds true. "The best indicator of future behavior is relevant past behavior." Meaning what you are seeing in her type of behavior now is quite likely what you can expect for the rest of your married life with this lady when things don't go right or she becomes angry or frustrated.
Is this the kind of relationship you want? Can live your life with outbursts and a roller-coaster relationship? I certainly could not and would not.

Other thoughts that come to mind are; Filipina ladies often do shut down when there are problems or issues they don't have the answers to or are unable to figure out. This is a "face saving" reaction rather than to admit there is something that they don't know.

Another *real* possibility here is that it's more than just the birth certificate. Could be that no matter what you have been told, it's possible she was married previously and is still legally married. That would prevent any visa for her-ever.

Another possibility could be that she has a past history with law enforcement. That too would likely prevent a visa.
These could be some of the endless possibilities why there seems to be a problem with a document.

You have spent enough time with this lady as well as her family to have a pretty good idea of what is ahead for you if you do indeed commit to a marriage with her either here or back home in the States.

Best advice I can give would be to step back from the relationship for a bit and give yourself time to find the answers you are looking for so you can hopefully make the best choice and decision possible while remembering that there will ALWAYS be cultural differences.



Best Of Luck,

Jet Lag
Forum Moderator


----------



## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

Kevin Milan said:


> I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. .


My Pinay GF likes to look over my shoulder when I read these posts. We are in the USA. She is asking the obvious. She kinda agrees your GF may be hiding something She is asking the obvious question, what is the specific problem with the birth certificate? Bureaucratic or ur GF stalling? Mind sharing?


----------



## Kevin Milan (Nov 2, 2015)

Jet Lag...she was married (non-catholic) and her annulment is almost finished. She never tried to hade that...


----------



## 888dino (Apr 22, 2014)

Kevin Milan said:


> I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.


All I can add to this is... Any counselling issues deal with it in the states. Having any counselling done in here in my experience i got better advise from a veterinarian than a counsellor. I'm sure there will be some interesting advise from others. Good luck there.


----------



## Kevin Milan (Nov 2, 2015)

Sure I'd be happy to share. We decided to get married in the US first because she wants to visit but not live there, so, we'd get her B2 Visa, marry in the US and, subsequently, have a ceremony in the Phils. Believe me, we've done plenty of research on this including opinions and advice on this forum and immigration attorneys in the US. The problem is not that we haven't married yet...it has been that we've been working on her birth certificate issues so we CAN get married. NOTHING happens until that is cleared up. It deeply embarrasses her, but, it was not her fault and I have consistently tried to reinforce that with her. Although she recently got her passport issued based on the original certificate from the registrar's office in Calbayog City, Samar, the "prevailing" certificate on file with the NSO is one that was "duplicated" when she was living Cavite by "friends" of her Aunt in the registrar's office there. The problem became that the certificate on file with the NSO (issued in Cavite) had the wrong birth year listed, preventing us from applying for ANY type of Visa and moving forward with our marriage plans until that was resolved. She hired her attorney friend (who is the President of the regional BAR Association in Eastern Samar) to help. After a bit of negotiation, we were given an amount and an assurance that it would be done in two months. It would be necessary for the attorney to travel from Calbayog to Cavite for the hearing and the agreement included her airfare. According to the attorney and the local registrar in Calbayog City, the matter needed to be resolved in Cavite, where the duplicate was issued. Well, it has been over one year and close to $100,000Php. The excuse given by our attorney is hat she did not realize that there is such a backlog of cases in Cavite. Of course, I have had some frustrations about the Philippine system!!! Don't we all? It is obvious that a good portion of that money has been used to "facilitate" the process...to no avail. I never got angry with my fiance', but I have not been real happy with this process at times. Of course I wonder if I am being taken for a ride by the attorney, but, I would never say that to my fiance' because they are friends and she would take it as a insult. Still,I have never thought of ending the process and certainly never pointed any criticism at my fiance' about, as she puts it, "her stupid problem." The process started last October, 2014 and is not finished. Since my last "nagging" in the spring, I have not said a word and let the process go forward and, hopefully, it will be done soon. However, she brings it up occasionally that I am not supportive of her in this and cannot seem to differentiate between my frustration in the system and support for her!?!?! It has caused a lot of conflict. I would have loved to have been married long before this


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Kevin Milan said:


> Sure I'd be happy to share. We decided to get married in the US first because she wants to visit but not live there, so, we'd get her B2 Visa, marry in the US and, subsequently, have a ceremony in the Phils. Believe me, we've done plenty of research on this including opinions and advice on this forum and immigration attorneys in the US. The problem is not that we haven't married yet...it has been that we've been working on her birth certificate issues so we CAN get married. NOTHING happens until that is cleared up. It deeply embarrasses her, but, it was not her fault and I have consistently tried to reinforce that with her. Although she recently got her passport issued based on the original certificate from the registrar's office in Calbayog City, Samar, the "prevailing" certificate on file with the NSO is one that was "duplicated" when she was living Cavite by "friends" of her Aunt in the registrar's office there. The problem became that the certificate on file with the NSO (issued in Cavite) had the wrong birth year listed, preventing us from applying for ANY type of Visa and moving forward with our marriage plans until that was resolved. She hired her attorney friend (who is the President of the regional BAR Association in Eastern Samar) to help. After a bit of negotiation, we were given an amount and an assurance that it would be done in two months. It would be necessary for the attorney to travel from Calbayog to Cavite for the hearing and the agreement included her airfare. According to the attorney and the local registrar in Calbayog City, the matter needed to be resolved in Cavite, where the duplicate was issued. Well, it has been over one year and close to $100,000Php. The excuse given by our attorney is hat she did not realize that there is such a backlog of cases in Cavite. Of course, I have had some frustrations about the Philippine system!!! Don't we all? It is obvious that a good portion of that money has been used to "facilitate" the process...to no avail. I never got angry with my fiance', but I have not been real happy with this process at times. Of course I wonder if I am being taken for a ride by the attorney, but, I would never say that to my fiance' because they are friends and she would take it as a insult. Still,I have never thought of ending the process and certainly never pointed any criticism at my fiance' about, as she puts it, "her stupid problem." The process started last October, 2014 and is not finished. Since my last "nagging" in the spring, I have not said a word and let the process go forward and, hopefully, it will be done soon. However, she brings it up occasionally that I am not supportive of her in this and cannot seem to differentiate between my frustration in the system and support for her!?!?! It has caused a lot of conflict. I would have loved to have been married long before this


Reading this post of yours it seems the main issue then is the normal bureaucratic incompetence that exists in any branch of government here.
A possible solution might be easier than you think.

The next time you are here in country, take photo copies of all the information you have including the from the NSO etc and go to the US embassy.
At the US Embassy, demand to speak with an American citizen (not a local) and seek advice on how to proceed. It's possible they will have suggestions the two of you have not tried or even thought of yet. The American Citizens Services Office can be most helpful for many different issues.


----------



## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Tantrums and drama*



Kevin Milan said:


> Thanks, that is my take, too. Tampo. Heard about it, seen it, but have never experienced it until just recently. Problem is, the wise (truly) mother has been uncermoniously "squeezed" out of the house and has been ostracized, other family (cousins, etc.) have noticed the change and talked to her about communicating...a few days is tolerable, but an entire month? Now two months? Serious and sometimes violent temper tantrums...and then shutdown. I do not reciprocate...I just stay calm, tell her that I will not talk to her while she is raging, and usually just leave for a period...if she has not already done so. There is a truly destructive younger sister involved, whose children we have happily taken care of along with nanay.
> 
> Before these last 6 months I would never have imagined this. This is not the lady I have know for most of these seven years. Perplexed.


Those tantrums with the drama and silent treatment, get used to that and can you handle a marriage and stressful relationship like that? So in the bad times that's how she's gonna act, happy one moment then the next a total wreck of a human being. 

Now that you've shared that with us I'd like to add that my wife is this way and it makes for a very miserable life if only I could turn back the clock or I've often thought about leaving, my grandson is the only glue that keeps me here. 

Miserable in-laws, I'll bet and in-laws soon to be out of money, they'd prefer if you keep sending it here and you stay in the US or if you retire to the Philippines it's best you stay in your room and we don't want to see or hear from you, so in essence you become a battery. To trust anything the family has done between each other would be a huge mistake ... don't forget they are as one at all times.


----------



## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

"We are both good people and just need some help"

This is all you need to work with. 
I'm married for 19 years and have my share of ups and dreadful downs.
If things go south I focus on the past happy things and we survive to enjoy the ride again.


----------



## pakawala (Sep 10, 2014)

Kevin Milan said:


> Jet Lag...she was married (non-catholic) and her annulment is almost finished. She never tried to hade that...


The fact that she is still "lawfully married" to a Filipino is a greater problem than correcting her birth certificate. 

Want to Spend Six Years in a Philippines Jail? Commit Adultery. | PHILIPPINES PLUS



Kevin Milan said:


> The problem is not that we haven't married yet...it has been that we've been working on her birth certificate issues so we CAN get married. NOTHING happens until that is cleared up.


Annulment "FIRST". Imagine the possible scenarios if you attempt any actions with the U.S. Embassy or other authorities. 

British man facing seven years in Filipino jail for adultery goes into hiding | Daily Mail Online



Kevin Milan said:


> The problem became that the certificate on file with the NSO (issued in Cavite) had the wrong birth year listed


Civil registrars can now correct errors in birth certificates *without court order: 

*Civil registrars can now correct errors in birth certificates without court order | Headlines, News, The Philippine Star | philstar.com

The Law:

https://psa.gov.ph/civilregistration/civil-registration-laws/republic-act-no-10172-implementing-rules-and-regulations



Kevin Milan said:


> I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. .


There are millions of wonderful Filipinas here. Move on!


----------



## esv1226 (Mar 13, 2014)

P100,000 for a birth certificate? Outrageous. I know a Balikbayan who paid someone P5,000 for a birth certificate -this involved running around/ traveling to the province to gather affidavits to satisfy requirements as no records exist with NSO.
I would cool off. Wait for her to act,


----------



## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

Good information from Pakawala, I completely forgot all about the changes to birth certificates and have the online link bookmarked. 

https://nsohelpline.com/

So with the link Pakawala posted on laws and the link above, if not mistaken you can do this online and with credit card, maybe things will start rolling in the right direction.


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

She is 49 years old. Have you considered the fact that she's going through Menopause? All of these comments about moving on when all it could be is a hormonal imbalance that is causing her to lash out at a partner that just doesn't get what she's going through.

If you've had 6 wonderful years together before, don't throw in the towel just yet. Try speaking with her about why she is acting the way that she is and let her know that you're there to support her. Menopause could last years, so if it really is this, then please be patient.


----------



## pakawala (Sep 10, 2014)

pamela0810 said:


> She is 49 years old. Have you considered the fact that she's going through Menopause? All of these comments about moving on when all it could be is a hormonal imbalance that is causing her to lash out at a partner that just doesn't get what she's going through.
> 
> If you've had 6 wonderful years together before, don't throw in the towel just yet. Try speaking with her about why she is acting the way that she is and let her know that you're there to support her. Menopause could last years, so if it really is this, then please be patient.


IMHO, he should have threw in the towel the day he found out she was and is still lawfully/legally married to a Philippine Citizen. There are far too many (millions) of single, sane, wonderful Filipinas one can court without the risk of spending years in a Philippine prison for Adultery. 

He stated she is 41 not 49.


<Snip>


----------



## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

pamela0810 said:


> She is 49 years old. Have you considered the fact that she's going through Menopause? All of these comments about moving on when all it could be is a hormonal imbalance that is causing her to lash out at a partner that just doesn't get what she's going through.
> 
> If you've had 6 wonderful years together before, don't throw in the towel just yet. Try speaking with her about why she is acting the way that she is and let her know that you're there to support her. Menopause could last years, so if it really is this, then please be patient.


This was my thought line also. Have been through the mill with this in the past. 1st wife had Hysterectomy at age 27, sometimes she got pretty weird, we finally divorced. 2nd already had hysterectomy when we married, died in car wreck, 3rd one I had to go through it again during her 40s, then she stabilized and all was good. She died 8 years ago, present wife is 66 and past all that, it is nice & peaceful. All the hormonal balances and such really raise hell with their moods and their thought process. There were times with the others that sometime I just didn't know what to expect when I came home from work. Maybe you should give it a bit more time and it may work out for you, the years already invested you will never get back if you dump or run.

Fred


----------



## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

esv1226 said:


> P100,000 for a birth certificate? Outrageous. I know a Balikbayan who paid someone P5,000 for a birth certificate -this involved running around/ traveling to the province to gather affidavits to satisfy requirements as no records exist with NSO.
> I would cool off. Wait for her to act,


5k is too much, in reasonably clean Baguio. It costs much less ... no fixers needed


----------



## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

pakawala said:


> The fact that she is still "lawfully married" to a Filipino is a greater problem than correcting her birth certificate.
> 
> Want to Spend Six Years in a Philippines Jail? Commit Adultery. | PHILIPPINES PLUS
> !


And what foreigners forget is the fact that laws regarding adultery etc are never enforced on natives, but if it involves a foreigner, each and every allegation of adultery, cohabitation, and illicit relationship is investigated and punishment meted out duly.

Of course, there's a penalty to avoid this, but .... taking the example of an immigration officer who demanded bribery payment spread over 13 years, you are gonna bleed to death.

Note that the legal husband can demand maintenance from the lover and, also for his children..


----------



## Glen48 (Jul 6, 2012)

Gary D said:


> You could try the way filipino men deal with it, just move in with the mistress until it's over.


I would be trying to bring it to a head and move on if needed ..you don't want to spend your life wondering....my ex Aussie wife thought using old t=rags was away of saving money on tampons...they a programmed to be the way they are ...good luck


----------



## 888dino (Apr 22, 2014)

fmartin_gila said:


> This was my thought line also. Have been through the mill with this in the past. 1st wife had Hysterectomy at age 27, sometimes she got pretty weird, we finally divorced. 2nd already had hysterectomy when we married, died in car wreck, 3rd one I had to go through it again during her 40s, then she stabilized and all was good. She died 8 years ago, present wife is 66 and past all that, it is nice & peaceful. All the hormonal balances and such really raise hell with their moods and their thought process. There were times with the others that sometime I just didn't know what to expect when I came home from work. Maybe you should give it a bit more time and it may work out for you, the years already invested you will never get back if you dump or run.
> 
> Fred


So many cultural differences. It would be great if there were a counsellor about that could help. Most problems have a cure. I'd put most issues down to cultural indifferences. I saw one it was the most eye opening expensive pathetic experience of my life.


----------



## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Culure Shock Philippines (book)*



888dino said:


> So many cultural differences. It would be great if there were a counsellor about that could help. Most problems have a cure. I'd put most issues down to cultural indifferences. I saw one it was the most eye opening expensive pathetic experience of my life.


There's a book that explains real well, there might be a free online version also, it's called Culture Shock Philippines.


----------



## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

Kevin Milan said:


> I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.


Walk away!!!!


----------



## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

These women are different. I should have walked away from mine after several lies in the beginning of the relationship, which caused trust issues I never fully recovered from. I had her investigated early on after my first trip, when she needed some help, and found out she was married, didn't actually have a job, etc. Unfortunately she's crazy sexy and I had already had enough of the good thing to completely ruin my judgement, after several dry years in the US. So I moved here anyway, lol.

That said, most of it is behind us now and things have been pretty smooth and mostly fun during the year I've been over here, but that's only been because I have given her the benefit of the doubt several times. She gets tampo too, mostly over jealousy, and the other cultural differences wear on you.. if it continues to happen, I will move on, and moving on for me will be to leave the Philippines for good. Too many crazy things over here.


----------



## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Sounds like you have already gone the extra mile. There are times in life when you have got to just make a clean break, start over, and don't look back. It's a hard decision to make, but sometimes necessary to maintain sanity. Keep in mind though once done, you can't go back.

Fred


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

JRB__NW said:


> If it continues to happen, I will move on, and moving on for me will be to leave the Philippines for good. Too many crazy things over here.


Howdy JRB_NW,

I went through a bad one here in the Philippines many years ago. Like you, it was an extremely difficult decision in making the split with her.
Eventually there comes a time when ya "know" that enough is enough and you do what is necessary.

That split up eventually led me to the most wonderful woman that I could have ever hoped for and I have been happily married and still living here in the islands for years.

If or when the relationship ends, don't jump ship and head back to the States. Too blasted hard (and expensive) to start over again there.
You are learning a valuable lesson with this. Use it and the knowledge it provides and after a time, search for and
locate the *right one* right here. As you undoubtedly already know, there are millions here that will make a good wife/partner.

If staying in your area is not advisable or to your liking, look at other places in the country. Maybe come up by Subic Bay or La Union.
Are you ex US Military? Maybe spending time at a local VFW Post with lots of us expats will help and also help keep thinking straight. The largest and I think best one is the VFW Post in Angeles City. Lots of pretty good people to keep company with even if you did not serve in the military and one heck of a lot of good food on top of that.
Give it some thought.



Best Of Luck

Jet Lag


----------



## gelynch52ph (May 21, 2015)

Kevin Milan said:


> I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.


Go to NSO near her place with the faulty birth certificate. Be prepared to lose the entire day & a few hundred pesos. The personal problems are another matter entirely because to my knowledge there is no such thing as a "counselor" in this backward country. I've 'only' lived here for 12 years so you can take me at my word or ignore me.


----------



## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

gelynch52ph said:


> Go to NSO near her place with the faulty birth certificate. Be prepared to lose the entire day & a few hundred pesos. The personal problems are another matter entirely because to my knowledge there is no such thing as a "counselor" in this backward country. I've 'only' lived here for 12 years so you can take me at my word or ignore me.


Every barangay has many counselors....:confused2:


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Gary D said:


> Every barangay has many counselors....:confused2:


Those Brgy Councilors are there to guide and advise the Brgy Captain on how to steal, er--ahhh,, I mean spend and use the funds each year :eyebrows::eyebrows:..


----------



## gelynch52ph (May 21, 2015)

That may be what they call that "*i*s-on-a-boar-hog" position but they are about as much relationship counselors as I am an NBA MVP.


----------



## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

Thanks Fred, thanks Jet Lag. Great advice. I'm not ex-military but I've heard great things about the Subic Bay area. Part of the problem is my own difficulty with the way things are here.. it tends to get me going and then my patience for everything runs thin. That doesn't leave her feeling very secure either. I'm trying to work on that.


----------



## gelynch52ph (May 21, 2015)

Subic Bay area is hot, miserable and overrun with hookers and Koreans. Why is it that ex military always seem to want to go to areas inhabited by other ex military? I'm ex military and the last thing I want to do is go to hooker havens like Angeles and Olongapo just to talk to other ex military guys. That is why I live in Tagaytay and not one of those cesspools just mentioned.


----------



## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

JRB__NW said:


> Thanks Fred, thanks Jet Lag. Great advice. I'm not ex-military but I've heard great things about the Subic Bay area. Part of the problem is my own difficulty with the way things are here.. it tends to get me going and then my patience for everything runs thin. That doesn't leave her feeling very secure either. I'm trying to work on that.


As far as Subic - never been there & don't intend to. 

We are all different and different things "ring our bell" at times, sometimes just have to back off a bit and look the situation over a little, maybe make some adjustment or not, depending on what's happening and the desired outcome. Sometimes requires some deep and extensive thought before you jump either way.

Fred


----------



## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

I still have a lot of things to say but as I also believe, if the person involved is blinded in love and does what he / she wants to do, but likes to ask advice that sounds right (i.e. to make themselves feel correct about their decision), there's nothing much to do.

But if the person asking for advice is a good friend, I will say, just to support them emotionally, go through the motions 

As for counsellers, 1 out of 5 counsellor knows what they are doing.

4 out of 5 will do what they learnt, regardless it meets your needs or not, so they can validate their own theories etc. etc.

I also believe that there is nothing called 'no hope'

even the most hopeless cases, may be fixed, but agreed, they are 1 in a million.


----------



## pakawala (Sep 10, 2014)

gelynch52ph said:


> Subic Bay area is hot, miserable and overrun with hookers and Koreans. Why is it that ex military always seem to want to go to areas inhabited by other ex military? I'm ex military and the last thing I want to do is go to hooker havens like Angeles and Olongapo just to talk to other ex military guys. That is why I live in Tagaytay and not one of those cesspools just mentioned.


Back in the day, many USAF in AC used to dread having to go TDY to Subic because of the excessive humidity. Folks used to say the high humidity was because of the way the Mountains surrounding Subic were in the shape of a Toilet seat/Horse Shoe and blocked the trade winds.


----------



## greenleader (Jul 7, 2014)

*Dirk*



fuji0001 said:


> My Pinay GF likes to look over my shoulder when I read these posts. We are in the USA. She is asking the obvious. She kinda agrees your GF may be hiding something She is asking the obvious question, what is the specific problem with the birth certificate? Bureaucratic or ur GF stalling? Mind sharing?


I would ask as this has only recently flared up after 7 years, have the outbursts only started since you began to speak of getting a visa to go to, I guess USA?

Also do not want to rain on your party. That is quite an age diffo! As you get older and cranky do you want to be with an unpredictable partner? Be realistic, you do not mention LOVE! Say you became infirm, developed dementia, became vulnerable. Would you really trust your welfare to someone who has developed 'issues'?


----------



## pijoe (Jul 21, 2015)

pakawala said:


> Back in the day, many USAF in AC used to dread having to go TDY to Subic because of the excessive humidity. Folks used to say the high humidity was because of the way the Mountains surrounding Subic were in the shape of a Toilet seat/Horse Shoe and blocked the trade winds.


To be fair, as soon as you drive North of Olongapo for a half hour or so it gets quite nice and you can still avail yourself to the amenities of the former base for shopping, ect... I like San Marcelino and North myself.


----------



## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

pijoe said:


> To be fair, as soon as you drive North of Olongapo for a half hour or so it gets quite nice and you can still avail yourself to the amenities of the former base for shopping, ect... I like San Marcelino and North myself.


totally agree with pi joe. i live north 30 miles and its a GREAT place to be. I have all the best available to me. Im avet too but im a family man. No need to run with ex military or hang in bars. The poster was pretty negative with his post!!! This is the best area of 6 islands i've lived on.


----------



## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

forgot to add,great place for my son to hear and learn american and aussie spoken english without the filipino accent.Guess my glass is half full kind of guy...


----------



## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

Our place is about 30 mins inland from Subic/Olongapo and as said we are close enough for the fascilities but far enough away. Manila only being a couple of hours away also has it's benifits.


----------



## Cebu Citizen (Dec 13, 2013)

One thing to always remember...if she is the right woman for you and you are certain she is not hiding anything from you and you do want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, then always stand beside her through this or any other issue! Regardless of how she is acting and her unwillingness to discuss things with you seems like a serious case of Filipina Face Saving with, (as you posted), "her stupid problem".

It sounds like she is extremely embarrassed that this issue of "hers" is causing a delay in her future and her marriage to you and she is becoming increasingly angry that the Birth Certificate issue has not been solved yet.

People don't always handle situations the way they should and "IF" she is just mishandling this issue and "NOT" including you in the discussions, just let her know that you are there for her and you are not going anywhere and you are still and always will be committed to your relationship with her and you will always be there when she is ready to share this burden with you so you can "BOTH" work on it together the way a man and wife are supposed to handle all situations.

Your attitude and responses to this situation and the way you handle her outbursts will greatly set the stage for how your future with her will turn out. Let her know you care for her and that you are there for her and then back off and give her the time to deal with the situation in her own way and she will come to you when she is ready...if she snaps at you...DO NOT snap back...just be there for her.

Don't take any physical abuse from her but let her know what kind of a man she is marrying! A kind and supportive man who stands beside his woman in her time of need? Or a man who abandons her and turns his back on her in difficult times?


----------

