# Making friends in America?



## awayinamerica

Have you made any friends in America? Do you find that it is easy or difficult to make friends in America? What's the best way to make new friends in America?


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## synthia

It really will depend on where you are. If there aren't many immigrants there, it will be easier to make local friends. If there is a large community from your country, it will be harder, because that tends to isolate you.

Also, some regions are just friendlier than others. I know several people who think it is hard to make friends in New England, for instance.


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## roamer

I agree that people in some parts of the country are slower to accept you if you come from such foreign parts as, say, California or Washington DC.


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## usa-pride

awayinamerica said:


> Have you made any friends in America? Do you find that it is easy or difficult to make friends in America? What's the best way to make new friends in America?


wasup with all this crazys posts? you can find friends any where, are you from the usa? i take it your not best way to make friends here is just be cool and party like there aint tomorrow,


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## Penguins_Pet_Pumpkin

Actually, that's probably true, usa-pride. Anywhere, in fact. Just go do something you enjoy doing, and the other people there will have something in common with you.


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## usa-pride

im always right lol look best way to get friends is be your self at all times **** what anybody thinks about you be your self and that all that truly matters ppl may say **** but may like it it but if you are happy then so be it, but u need to hook up with some ppl are go your ass out and party live life


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## choctawmicmac

synthia said:


> It really will depend on where you are. If there aren't many immigrants there, it will be easier to make local friends. If there is a large community from your country, it will be harder, because that tends to isolate you.
> 
> Also, some regions are just friendlier than others. I know several people who think it is hard to make friends in New England, for instance.


I'm glad I'm not the only one who found New England to be that way!! I thought it was just ME they hated! I met my fiancee there, but he's from Brooklyn himself and he finds Boston very little better than I do. New England doesn't seem to only hate immigrants, they hate "******" too.


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## kidumu

*New England*

I went to Engineering School in Boston, I enjoyed it alot. Please I have more friends in New England than Midwest. From Africa certainly Midwest will chew you and spit you out. Time to get out of here. Hopefully to Boston.


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## nina

*haj*

a im albanian girl so i have oneqoestions for some one of you who like to help me i wantto coma to new work to worin for rour months for one program in prishtina its called Discover amerika this is only for students so i want to know somthig for us because i need to know and to have some frind who will hepl me obut of this thank you for all i expect the answer 
whith loot of respekt nina from prishtina


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## synthia

I've talked to students who have come to America on the five-month visa. Many students come from Eastern Europe and work. I've talked to a couple who were waiting tables in Yellowstone National Park. Get into the right restaurant, and you can earn enough in tips to live on for a year.


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## LadyLily43

Actually Nina; Synthia is right in that respect...if you start by waiting tables in a good/nice restaurant; and no I don't necessarily mean FANCY; even a burger joint would be good...then people who come to eat there can be so friendly and generous to someone who is friendly...one of my first jobs was in a ice cream parlor, and I remember this one time I was serving half a baseball team. I think I raked in about $30 just from those people because a few of them left $5 tips for a $5.50 platter meal...and when I told a friend of mine that came in just for coffee just a little later; he told me it was because of my smile...Oh I almost forgot to mention...that was about 26 years ago...but still; in many places; a nice smile and hard work can go a LONG way...


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## Samuel kiguli

awayinamerica said:


> Have you made any friends in America? Do you find that it is easy or difficult to make friends in America? What's the best way to make new friends in America?


you can make afriend in usa but it's not easy,


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## Fatenhappy

Samuel kiguli said:


> you can make afriend in usa but it's not easy,


BS ... from person experience ....  .... if you can't make a friend in the US you can't make a friend anywhere ..... go to Texas lots of good old folk there ! ....  ... :clap2:


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## Captnbluebear

I live in Texas and I've noticed that even though everyone is friendly at first glance, it's very hard to really connect and establish a relationship. I moved from Germany 6 years ago and my best friends live there still. 
As I said, people here are hard to form deeper connections with, but then again, maybe I am so hung up on the past that I somehow refuse to make new friends


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## etyok

*I also want to make friends*

I also want to make friends


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## twostep

Captnbluebear said:


> I live in Texas and I've noticed that even though everyone is friendly at first glance, it's very hard to really connect and establish a relationship. I moved from Germany 6 years ago and my best friends live there still.
> As I said, people here are hard to form deeper connections with, but then again, maybe I am so hung up on the past that I somehow refuse to make new friends


Texas and Texans can be a bit quirky. Where are you in TX?


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## stormgal

Here's a suggestion: 

If you want to make friends, take courses, go to church, hang out at gaming rooms, go to the rodeos or pubs. If you don't know where to start, go to "meetup.com". Search for an activity that you like to do, and meet up with others like you who like to do the same. Hope this helps


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## gonrevim

are there some specific places to meet new people or web sites that help to do that?
I am new in New York and don't know how to start to meet people...
Thanks


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## Bevdeforges

gonrevim said:


> are there some specific places to meet new people or web sites that help to do that?
> I am new in New York and don't know how to start to meet people...
> Thanks


The "classic" routes to meeting people in the US are:

1. take a class - there are all sorts of informal and "continuing education" classes on offer, everything from law and accounting to "how to flirt". To get you started, google "The Learning Annex" - they have all sorts of fun classes available.

2. volunteer - the libraries, most charities, museums, hospitals, etc. are all looking for volunteers and it's a great way to meet people interested in the same things you are.

Cheers,
Bev


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## jan_SA

Gym I find is a great place to meet people.


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## Sunset

Bevdeforges said:


> The "classic" routes to meeting people in the US are:
> 
> 1. take a class - there are all sorts of informal and "continuing education" classes on offer, everything from law and accounting to "how to flirt". To get you started, google "The Learning Annex" - they have all sorts of fun classes available.
> 
> 2. volunteer - the libraries, most charities, museums, hospitals, etc. are all looking for volunteers and it's a great way to meet people interested in the same things you are.
> 
> Cheers,
> Bev


I second the above!!! Also, if you like animals, the ASPCA uses volunteers.

Google volunteering in new york city. There are so, so many ways to help people of all ages(and animals) and get involved in events, while meeting like-minded people.


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## MrSparkle80

There is also a website, meetup dot com, and you can find people of similar interests in your area. Perhaps even people from your original country in that area. It really depends on where you live as to how much access you'll have to people.


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## JohnSoCal

We have lived and traveled all over the US and have never had any problems making friends wherever we were. We live in Southern California but we love visiting New York City and always find the New Yorkers to be friendly and very helpful.


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## leila11235

Maybe you can try a couple of meetup.org groups. They have hundreds of different groups based on activity interests (hiking, swimming, etc), volunteer, party...
Also, you can make friends by hanging out with people from school/work and meeting their friends as well...


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## MedSalesJobs

roamer said:


> I agree that people in some parts of the country are slower to accept you if you come from such foreign parts as, say, California or Washington DC.


Really? Like I didn't know people from California aren't that friendly..I'd say it's probably the environment. When you first get into a place where you don't know anybody then you just have to give yourself a little bit of time to adjust and get loose. Making friends shouldn't be a problem especially when you are easy to get along. It's like an adventure when you have them around. But of course, I mean the only ones real. That's a whole different thing talking about "real friend." Hope you'll enjoy your stay in the US when you get here.


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## fnogard

awayinamerica said:


> Have you made any friends in America? Do you find that it is easy or difficult to make friends in America? What's the best way to make new friends in America?


Depends where you live - Depends what you call "friends" - In the US, people call acquaintances "friends". It is very easy to meet a lot of acquaintances, but cultivating deep long-lasting friendship like in Europe, forget it! Especially in California.


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## Bevdeforges

fnogard said:


> Depends where you live - Depends what you call "friends" - In the US, people call acquaintances "friends". It is very easy to meet a lot of acquaintances, but cultivating deep long-lasting friendship like in Europe, forget it! Especially in California.


I've heard the European/French complaints about how "superficial" American "friendships" are, but given the requirement that a true "friend" be someone you have known since childhood, it's a bit difficult for any expat to find that sort of friendship overseas.

Americans have different expectations for "friends." Take a look at the book "Cultural Misunderstandings" by Raymonde Carroll if you want an interesting discussion of this - written by a French woman married to an American and living in the US.
Cheers,
Bev


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## fnogard

Thank you Bev for your reply. Well, I would say that "true friends" are people you cultivate common interests with and discover mutual affinities over the years. Then you have a long lasting friendship and you can open up and feel offguard with your friend. 

I have lived in 6 other countries before to move in the US. Everywhere, even when language was sometimes an issue, I weaved some deep relationships with local people who became real friends. And that happened in a few short years. I have been here 20 years, and nowhere I have found it so difficult to make 'true friends". 

Many Americans themselves tell me it is because I am on the CA Coast , where things tend to be that way. 

"Let's have lunch together! I''ll call you!" She said while giving me a hug. Nobody called, so since I had requested her phone number, I call because I tend to believe what people tell me: 'lets go to lunch together". To my surprise, that person could even not remember me. How many times did I go through that scenario!

Another specific of CA Coast is that everybody is so busy because the cost of living is so high. Even people in their sixties are too busy to socialize. They work, and work. I am working for myself and I manage my schedule. But my husband, American, has a glorious 2 weeks 1/2 vacation a year. On the week-end, he just want to be left alone in his garden or his library. 

So, yes, I am aware that Americans have a different conception and different expectations about friends. Acquaintances and friends seem often to be the same. For French people, it is a hard one, because superficial socializing certainly does not replace an intimate dinner and open conversation with long time friends.

But again, America is a vast country with many sub-cultures. While the climate, the food and the nature are on the positive side here, while the people tend to be more open-minded and "live and let live" than in other places, Californians sometimes deserve their nickname of "fruits & nuts".

This said, my best good friend, who is from Ohio and lives in CA, is precious to me. She has moved all her life. She also lived in Europe. When she says I will call she calls. It took almost 10 years to reach a deep degree of friendship. So all is not bad. But I wish I could have more friends. 

I can imagine it is not easy for an American in France to make friends with the locals. I read one of your posts where you mention that the first seven years in France were hell. I smiled, because my first seven years here were hellish as well. I guess a lot depends on at what age one is making the move.


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## JacenD

Being a native Californian, I never thought of our state as “unfriendly”. I can see that there might be a lot of folks that are a little “casual” in their friendships. I would think it’s just because we have so many people coming into and out of the state for various reasons. Overall, I can see how some might say we’re friendly, but maybe a bit harder to get to that “deep” friendship level. I think this would be hard to do in a short time regardless of where you happen to be, but maybe because there are so many people in California, it’s harder to get to that deep relationship level. My observation has been that the bigger the city/town, the harder it is to meet people. If your experience is only in LA or San Francisco, I’d imagine it would be harder to find a “true friend” than if you lived in Chico or San Luis Obispo. 

I also know this “casualness” comes up in even the way we greet each other. Friends from Denmark would be greeted with a “What’s up” and didn’t understand this meant “Hello” in Californian rather than “how is your life going right now”.

But to answer the OP, I think most of these have already been mentioned, but my list would have been:

Work
Church/Temple/Mosque
Gym
Clubs
Volunteering
School/Classes

Some overlap – where I live, we have a pretty active “Team in Training” organization that combines charity, social and exercising. If I were into biking, or (even better) wanted to get into biking, in a new city, I’d see if they had a chapter in my area.


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## hnyoussef

Any idea about a book that I can obtain teaching USA culture and people habits? I think I need to understand how people think to better adopt. Thx for the advise in advance.

Sent from my iPhone using ExpatForum


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## JohnSoCal

fnogard said:


> Thank you Bev for your reply. Well, I would say that "true friends" are people you cultivate common interests with and discover mutual affinities over the years. Then you have a long lasting friendship and you can open up and feel offguard with your friend.
> 
> I have lived in 6 other countries before to move in the US. Everywhere, even when language was sometimes an issue, I weaved some deep relationships with local people who became real friends. And that happened in a few short years. I have been here 20 years, and nowhere I have found it so difficult to make 'true friends".
> 
> Many Americans themselves tell me it is because I am on the CA Coast , where things tend to be that way.
> 
> "Let's have lunch together! I''ll call you!" She said while giving me a hug. Nobody called, so since I had requested her phone number, I call because I tend to believe what people tell me: 'lets go to lunch together". To my surprise, that person could even not remember me. How many times did I go through that scenario!
> 
> Another specific of CA Coast is that everybody is so busy because the cost of living is so high. Even people in their sixties are too busy to socialize. They work, and work. I am working for myself and I manage my schedule. But my husband, American, has a glorious 2 weeks 1/2 vacation a year. On the week-end, he just want to be left alone in his garden or his library.
> 
> So, yes, I am aware that Americans have a different conception and different expectations about friends. Acquaintances and friends seem often to be the same. For French people, it is a hard one, because superficial socializing certainly does not replace an intimate dinner and open conversation with long time friends.
> 
> But again, America is a vast country with many sub-cultures. While the climate, the food and the nature are on the positive side here, while the people tend to be more open-minded and "live and let live" than in other places, Californians sometimes deserve their nickname of "fruits & nuts".
> 
> This said, my best good friend, who is from Ohio and lives in CA, is precious to me. She has moved all her life. She also lived in Europe. When she says I will call she calls. It took almost 10 years to reach a deep degree of friendship. So all is not bad. But I wish I could have more friends.
> 
> I can imagine it is not easy for an American in France to make friends with the locals. I read one of your posts where you mention that the first seven years in France were hell. I smiled, because my first seven years here were hellish as well. I guess a lot depends on at what age one is making the move.


You are making a lot of generalizations that are baseless. I have lived in 4 countries, Washington, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, and 30 years in both Southern and Northern California. I have also spent a lot of time in several other states across the country.

California is a very diverse state where you can find whatever lifestyle you want. Like anywhere else, it is what you make of it. My wife and I have never had problems making good friends here in California nor anywhere else for that matter. It sounds like you are lacking something if you have this obsession with having to make friends yet can't do so. People find friends by going about their everyday life and meeting people, not by making it some kind of obsessive treasure hunt.


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## JWilliamson

*Making friends in USA*



awayinamerica said:


> Have you made any friends in America? Do you find that it is easy or difficult to make friends in America? What's the best way to make new friends in America?


If you can't make friends in USA where in every city there are all kinds of people from all over the world then in most or all cases you wont be able to make friends else where. Yeah some cities are easier then others but all in all it is up to you to make them. Learn to speak in public. Have confidence and good body posture and be yourself. JW


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## Kwame

Am Kwame


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## elfas

its easy to meet people in the states, but you'll never make true friends here, people are very fake, afraid to say what they really think couse they afraid to be called racist or not politicly corect, always smiling and talking trash behind your back, never admiting fault couse probably afraid of being sued, but if you can live with that americans are alright, it bothers me only sometimes, haha!


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## JWilliamson

*Fake?*



elfas said:


> its easy to meet people in the states, but you'll never make true friends here, people are very fake, afraid to say what they really think couse they afraid to be called racist or not politicly corect, always smiling and talking trash behind your back, never admiting fault couse probably afraid of being sued, but if you can live with that americans are alright, it bothers me only sometimes, haha!


You just mention the human race and think of it USA has the whole world inside it. people all over the world can be found in USA. fake yes most people choose to act in a way to please mom and dad and so they wear a mask to work and school. Its called insecurities inside them and a fear that they will be rejected for being real.


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## JohnSoCal

elfas said:


> its easy to meet people in the states, but you'll never make true friends here, people are very fake, afraid to say what they really think couse they afraid to be called racist or not politicly corect, always smiling and talking trash behind your back, never admiting fault couse probably afraid of being sued, but if you can live with that americans are alright, it bothers me only sometimes, haha!


I don't know who you associate with but all my friends and family are real people that are definitely not afraid to say what they think.


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## JWilliamson

*Nice*



JohnSoCal said:


> I don't know who you associate with but all my friends and family are real people that are definitely not afraid to say what they think.


Then you have a great family where you can be real and talk about sex and who you are after where no one has to hide what they are feeling. So you being able to be real will ofcourse scare others who are acting.


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## JohnSoCal

JWilliamson said:


> Then you have a great family where you can be real and talk about sex and who you are after where no one has to hide what they are feeling. So you being able to be real will ofcourse scare others who are acting.


I don't know what people you are talking about that are acting. I guess we run in different circles.


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## JWilliamson

*different circles*



JohnSoCal said:


> I don't know what people you are talking about that are acting. I guess we run in different circles.


You dont know is ok and yes we do run with a different pack of people. I am in Hong kong.


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