# Never enough money sent



## bairdlander (May 23, 2012)

Im really tired of this woman I have a child with.I was just there for 4 months,it was spend,spend,spend with her.Now Im back home,I know the costs,but she says 35,000peso a month I give is not enough to live in Quezon City.Every day is a different excuse for more money.First excuse "my dad visiting from province,has to see doc here,cost 2000p",next day was "I want to go to school,costs 20,000p",next day was "I need to pay yaya,4000p a month" and finally the big one."Im pregnant,I need to find out for sure at clinic,need 4000p for urine and blood tests".I have firmly said no,and told her I have given here all she is getting this month.Any thoughts?Any hope of me gaining custody of the baby and bringing her to my country?


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

First thought: That would be the very last money, products, or services ever given--period. I know a family of 7 people in the same part of Manila that lives comfortably on roughly P12,000 per month. They do own their own home though and do not pay rent.

Second: With the child, If you can hold the relationship together, you should be able to get Canadian citizenship for the child IF you are here long enough to do it each time. It is complicated, time consuming, and expensive. But when done, the child is able and will have a Canadian passport. As such, the closest airport is the direction to take. Legal? Yes as far as I know. Your Embassy In Manila can guide you further in the process.


----------



## Pedro Reklamo (Mar 6, 2014)

I would say it's time to cut your losses. There are enough kids here without the support of their father and the mother seems to manage. 
I understand that maybe it's your kid, but that was probably what got you hooked.

BTW, a CBC cost me 1,500 at the lab including ECG.


----------



## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

*Money, Kids, Support*



bairdlander said:


> Im really tired of this woman I have a child with.I was just there for 4 months,it was spend,spend,spend with her.Now Im back home,I know the costs,but she says 35,000peso a month I give is not enough to live in Quezon City.Every day is a different excuse for more money.First excuse "my dad visiting from province,has to see doc here,cost 2000p",next day was "I want to go to school,costs 20,000p",next day was "I need to pay yaya,4000p a month" and finally the big one."Im pregnant,I need to find out for sure at clinic,need 4000p for urine and blood tests".I have firmly said no,and told her I have given here all she is getting this month.Any thoughts?Any hope of me gaining custody of the baby and bringing her to my country?


Are you and this woman legally married to each other? If so, and you were married here in the Philippines, there is no divorce, only an annulment and there is a 7 year waiting period. Getting an annulment is very expensive and time consuming. Explain to this woman that you are not a bank, you do not have deep pockets filled with $1,000CAN bills. Explain to her that she is limited in usage of funds you send to her and that you are not going to support her family. If you decide to go your separate ways and try to obtain custody of your child, you must, first, prove, by DNA test, that you are the father. Your Canadian Embassy here in Manila can help you with that and advise you what to do. 35,000 pesos a month is a lot of money for more Filipinos and many live on far less. The DNA test is expensive, at least 45,000 to 50,000 pesos and is done at St. Luke's Medical Center. Just tell your wife that she has to budget the funds you send to her and she is accountable to you for every peso and she has to have receipts for everything the money is spent on.


----------



## Nickleback99 (Aug 6, 2011)

Wow That IS a lot of money!. We send family $200 per month, also living in Q.C. as well, and thats to help pay some bills, ensure 20 people (include 11 young kids nieces and nephews) do eat good and are clothed and equipped for school, meds etc..and monthly internet so wife can Skype family (happy wife, Happy life). With that, Most of the adults all work and try to be self supportive to some degree. They have decent main house and couple of surrounding Apt rooms in CaloocanCity area to house everyone. Im same and told my wife thats what they need to expect, although we will add a little more every other month for special family events such as birthdays and graduation, etc. Concur with others to set amount And hold that line, especially in your stated case. My mom in law often accounts for every peso with a ledger, but I told her I dont need to see it because its up to her to manage the money since there is no extra and its her call on what they buy. I realized at start that family is part of the gig of a Wonderful wife and in my case worth it. In your case sounds like they see an ATM....so cut off the ATM and set the allowance....or walk away, but thats hard to stomach if your Own child. I could not, but fortunately not in your shoes. Good luck.


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

JimnNila143 said:


> Are you and this woman legally married to each other? If so, and you were married here in the Philippines, there is no divorce, only an annulment and there is a 7 year waiting period. Getting an annulment is very expensive and time consuming. Explain to this woman that you are not a bank, you do not have deep pockets filled with $1,000CAN bills. Explain to her that she is limited in usage of funds you send to her and that you are not going to support her family. If you decide to go your separate ways and try to obtain custody of your child, you must, first, prove, by DNA test, that you are the father. Your Canadian Embassy here in Manila can help you with that and advise you what to do. 35,000 pesos a month is a lot of money for more Filipinos and many live on far less. The DNA test is expensive, at least 45,000 to 50,000 pesos and is done at St. Luke's Medical Center. Just tell your wife that she has to budget the funds you send to her and she is accountable to you for every peso and she has to have receipts for everything the money is spent on.


I agree 100% especially on the amount of money to live on. I'm an American expat and legally married. We live two hours (give or take) North of Manila. We own our home, have four daughters from 10 to 15 years old.
Including all groceries, utility bills etc, we live and live comfortably on about P12,000 per month. Our retirement income from the States far exceeds that but my wife makes the pesos count. 
My wife still works a full time job here as well. So there are some locals that are not just on the take. We don't live high off the hog so to speak. But we still enjoy the malls and travel locally and enjoy ourselves. So P35k for locals to live in the Manila area is affording them a life of luxury far greater than we live. Time to cut off the finances and unless there is a good reason not to, cut them 100% and learn from the experience...


----------



## pronse (Apr 3, 2009)

Can I say she's taking you for a ride?
Dude... a foreigner here in the Philippines means just one thing. An ATM machine, period!

You do what you want but if 'my' woman does this, then she's giving me the right to do EXACTLY the same!

Why don't you just cut the cord??


----------



## 197649 (Jan 1, 2013)

Every time I read that people live in Manila area for 12000 php (268 USD).
Those folks are NOT LIVING. I own my home I own the car. Bills meralco 4000 php (not running ac) PLDT 3000 php 5 mbps. Water 1200 php. Now that's 8200 php. Not including gas or food or entertainment. People say it soo cheap. Yep if you live like a squater and that may be comfortable for you and that's ok.


----------



## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

pronse. I know Filipinos who splurge when its someone else's money ...

taxi to Baguio instead of bus ... pizza every day .. treating friends in expensive restaurants ... hosting fancy graduation parties for the kids ... EVERY YEAR ... 

and if I didn't know I will think they are saving it for a rainy day, but alas most likley it isn't being parked in a bank account 


now back to Op

before I married I was in similiar situation ...

one thing worked ...

try telling you lost your job ... or say pay was cut by 50% ....

when I tried this, 

in couple of cases the girls threatened to go walk the street, glad I was to know what kind of company I was keeping

couple more threatened to take other boyfriends to balance the book .. bless me again... I had to know it ....

lucky I didn't Marry any of the above though I felt sorry for their kids, not my kids, btw



c_acton98 said:


> Every time I read that people live in Manila area for 12000 php (268 USD).
> Those folks are NOT LIVING. I own my home I own the car. Bills meralco 4000 php (not running ac) PLDT 3000 php 5 mbps. Water 1200 php. Now that's 8200 php. Not including gas or food or entertainment. People say it soo cheap. Yep if you live like a squater and that may be comfortable for you and that's ok.


+1

then again we dunno the living standard of OP's relatives ...



JimnNila143 said:


> . Just tell your wife that she has to budget the funds you send to her and she is accountable to you for every peso and she has to have receipts for everything the money is spent on.


telling you don't have limitless fund won't get deciphered

btw, my suggestion would be to force her to get a job ... even low paying ..


----------



## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

When my wife and I married I made a deal with her that has worked out even through right now. I keep things very simple. My income that I receive from my SS Pension, 75% of it goes for our living expenses, medical care, etc., the other 25% goes for fun, I get half of that, she gets the other half. She can spend that 12 1/2% on anything she wants, I don't quibble about it. It is the same with me, I have the right to spend my part as I chose, no moaning, groaning, whining or complaining. Period. My wife now is now educated and skilled and earns pesos from her work. That is additional money for US. She also has a sari Sari store which does make an income. Fortunately my wife is very frugal, knows the value of money, hates to waste it, wants to save it. I got very lucky when I married her. Each month we help her parents and our niece who lives with them, we also help, a little, with her brother and sister. No big money in either case, but it helps them to survive.


----------



## Pedro Reklamo (Mar 6, 2014)

pronse said:


> Can I say she's taking you for a ride?
> Dude... a foreigner here in the Philippines means just one thing. An ATM machine, period!
> 
> You do what you want but if 'my' woman does this, then she's giving me the right to do EXACTLY the same!
> ...


Exactly. Your back home. You got out of jail.
Start a new sentence.


----------



## weddedbliss (Mar 3, 2014)

35k could support a family of 7.. 3 of whom supposedly in college.. daily expenses and monthly bills included. my brother who works abroad would send his wife and his two kids 10k a month and they live in pasay, manila. they dont pay the house rent though, but still.. since his kids aren't in school yet the money goes to food and electric bills each month plus they could go to malls at least once a month to treat the kids. your wife/gf's father is not your responsibility. be firm and cut down on the money you send her. most filipino women are hard working and frugal. their ability to make ends meet would sometimes surprise you in more ways than one. she's not disabled! make her work her *<Snip>* off. don't stress on it. the way i see it you have been taking your responsibility to her and to your unborn child off the lane! goodluck.


----------



## PogiBaby (Apr 2, 2014)

That is more money than most Filipinos with a great job will make in a month. She and her family are taking you for a ride. Also, if she is not working why does she need a yaya? I currently take care of my almost 2 year old and our home without a helper or yaya. Now it would be nice to have the extra help as my husband wants someone to have eyes on our son 100% of the time which is impossible for me by myself if I am also cooking and cleaning, but if I can do it then so can she especially if she has other people in her household who are helping. Personally I cannot condone what others have said by cutting her off completely since it IS your child, but I think you send more than enough. That could be cut back and you could require her to account for every peso as a requirement for receiving the funds. Definitely look into what it would require of you to bring your child to Canada, but from what I overheard on my plane ride here, Canadian law is very strict about such things. They require you to prove that you can afford to take care of the child by Canadian standards before they will allow you to bring the child. Now this may not be a problem for you, but the guy on the plane had a wife and four kids so they were wanting him to make something like $90,000 a year or some such. Good luck!


----------



## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

PogiBaby said:


> ....


totally agreed ..

and for those who suggest cutting off totally, would you do it if it was your own blood at the end of line who's going to grow up in <Snip> standard?

btw, know enough filipno families who make do in about 15,000 a month and they really are <Snip> happy ...


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

ecureilx said:


> totally agreed ..
> 
> and for those who suggest cutting off totally, would you do it if it was your own blood at the end of line who's going to grow up in <Snip> standard?
> 
> btw, know enough filipno families who make do in about 15,000 a month and they really are <Snip> happy ...


Agree also. If the child is your own it is horribly wrong to cut off finances and should be controlled in a better way.

If however, the child is someone else s it's time to hit the road and hopefully make better choices in the future..


----------



## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

I would move her back to the province and set up a home on family land (modest begining and spending), living in the city is going to be expensive especially when the father comes visiting. Whats probably going on is that she's sending money home take care of her parents, brothers and sisters. Doesn't sound like she belongs in the city.

20,000 peso's in the province is way to much money, she will just need to start budgeting her money and the only way that can happen is not to send anymore.

Been there done that so your not alone, your wife is caving into family pressures and those pressures are very big, she just needs to learn to toughen up and shut down the families never ending begging, 4000 peso's a month for the ya-ya is about right but the more people in her home the more it costs so ditch the ya-ya and tell her to close those doors to family members, you both can set up a small home in her province, don't forget to add gates the wife has to focus on you and your toddlers first.


----------



## Palawenio (Mar 4, 2014)

I am truly sorry about your predicament. But as we say We win some, we lose some. 
Ce La Vie.
My common-law and I got pregnant recently. My son was delivered in a hospital. 
At the hospital, the nurses at first would not register my baby with my family name; they said it's because we parents were not married. I battled with them, challenging their authority to make such a legal decision. In the end, they said "Ok then, we will give him your family name". 
(It was not as simple as that though. I had to open their minds to the ignorance of that practice, the usage of the mother's family name in cases of non-marriage. One of the things I said was "Why, did she get pregnant alone by herself? NO! I was there. I got her pregnant. Why on earth would my child not be given my family name? blah..blah..until they relented and seen the light of my argument."

Next: I obtained my child's birth certificate; in it, I declared myself as the biological father and signed. 
I took this birth certificate to the Canadian embassy. 
There, I wrote an application for my child under the program "CHILDREN BORN OF A CANADIAN PARENT OUTSIDE CANADA". I showed them my Canadian Passport and my Canadian Citizenship Certificate. I provided my baby's ID picture, ultra-sound of his mother when pregnant, OB-Gyn's letter saying yes, she delivered my baby, and whatever was necessary, and paid a small fee. Done.

About 6 months later, I got my child's Canadian Citizenship Card. Then I applied for his Canadian Passport. I got it a month later. 

Well, I'd like to stop here regarding that story.

Going back to the original post, I totally agree with most replies here. Stop sending your partner that much money! That is way tooo much.

Lastly, work hard on your soul searching, get yourself to a place in your mind, heart and soul where you have faith that you will be happy, and GO THERE.
JUST GO THERE. No if's, no but's, No Excuses.


----------



## pigeonpete (Jan 19, 2014)

If you get involved in a relationship with a phillippino you automatically become the provider for her family


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

pigeonpete said:


> If you get involved in a relationship with a phillippino you automatically become the provider for her family


Not all Filipina women are gold diggers any more than all Americans are wealthy. One is only a victim if you allow yourself to be and have chosen the wrong person to begin with...

*This Thread is now closed* :closed_2: :tape2:


----------

