# Problem with my kids



## Donnyboy1 (Jul 23, 2013)

I've got four grown up kids from two marriages. My last marriage broke down 5 yrs ago & I tried to keep in touch. I met this gorgeous Filipino on line about a yr ago & want to marry her (I'm 58, she's 27) - trouble is - my kids say they will disown me if I do. I want to bring her to uk & want my family to be happy for me. They say she is only money grabbing & call her names.


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

*Trouble In Paradise*



Donnyboy1 said:


> I've got four grown up kids from two marriages. My last marriage broke down 5 yrs ago & I tried to keep in touch. I met this gorgeous Filipino on line about a yr ago & want to marry her (I'm 58, she's 27) - trouble is - my kids say they will disown me if I do. I want to bring her to uk & want my family to be happy for me. They say she is only money grabbing & call her names.


Hi Donny,

Good to have you with us. You are not giving a lot of information for anyone to make a reasonable judgment or determination. However, since this is a woman that you met online and that she is from here; I would say your kids concern is well founded. This is a very common occurrence here unfortunately. Some women here actually do pretty well financially doing these things.

On the other hand, the age difference is of little concern between two people that truly have a working relationship and want to be together. Taking her to live in your country though can present problems with the drastic age difference after a period of time.

Have you met her in person? If so, how much time have you spent together so far? 
Remember, to get her to the UK, she will have to undergo a complete physical exam at a specified hospital approved by your government. This includes a chest X-ray to locate any "active" TB (at your expense.) Also she must undergo and pass an interview at your embassy here too before she can leave the Philippines. Then assuming she passes everything, then the airfare for her to get there is also going to be at your expense.
What I'm saying here is that your kids concerns I think should be considered. Also, this is a tremendous expense for you if it does not work and or if she can't pass the physical and or the embassy interview.

The only way to know for sure or hopefully for sure, is to spend as much time together as possible. Get to know her as well as you possibly can and don't let yourself be rushed into anything. Remember, no matter what anyone says, her family will be thinking of you as an answer to their financial prayers and will do everything to get her married and outa here for their own future support---so be extra careful!
If all seems good and okay after that, then all you can do is reassure your kids that you know what you are doing and will live your life the way you see fit---with or without their blessing. It is your life and you must and have the right to live it in a way that will bring you the most joy and happiness in the end.


----------



## kozitsme (Jul 2, 2013)

Hi Donny, The old saying comes to mind. "Torn between the devil and the deep blue sea" On one hand your Kids, the other some of the comments you will get. I have been in a similar situation as yours. Two years down the road, happy as larry.


----------



## seram (Oct 12, 2011)

My Pommie mate in Angeles had a similar thing happen to him.

He was 71 and took his 27 yr old Pinay wife home to England to meet the family. His grown up children disowned him and his wife.

The result was that Bruce jumped on a plane with his wife and went back home to the Phils. 

See...He didnt need them. He left with-out saying goodbye which put the guilt back onto them. 

Bruce died in the Phils last year and his family will die with that guilt...

In the end... Do what makes you happy and not what makes your family happy...cheers


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

seram said:


> My Pommie mate in Angeles had a similar thing happen to him.
> 
> He was 71 and took his 27 yr old Pinay wife home to England to meet the family. His grown up children disowned him and his wife.
> 
> ...


Great advice! That's what life is all about; being happy. As long as an individual is as sure as possible about the person they are gonna marry it makes good sense. On top of that, it is a lot less expensive and far less stressful here than living in our home countries. There is not enough tea in China (OR England) to get me to leave the Philippines ever again...


Gene


----------



## kozitsme (Jul 2, 2013)

seram said:


> My Pommie mate in Angeles had a similar thing happen to him.
> 
> He was 71 and took his 27 yr old Pinay wife home to England to meet the family. His grown up children disowned him and his wife.
> 
> ...


Good on Bruce to make the right call. If is last few years were happy, what more can we ask for.


----------



## Phil_expat (Jan 3, 2011)

Both Gene’s and Seram’s post were excellent, especially Gene’s. The age difference between my wife and I have also caused major differences in my family too. The only reason I desire to move my family to the USA is to expose my daughter to a better life style. Moving there will cause major social problems and create a strain on our marriage. It would be better for us to stay in the Philippines if it was not for my daughter. My advice is stay in the Philippines with her. Do not be fast to marry, live together for one or two years first.


----------



## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

One of the things that can make a relationship difficult is if there are any trust issues. One of the things in America is the problem with a US Citizen marrying a foreigner, the foreigner is brought to the US, gets their citizenship, then soon after, the couple get a divorce. According to the US Immigration Service, this is called 'Marriage Fraud' and the usual result is that the foreigner looses their US citizenship, is deported back to the Philippines and is forever 'blacklisted' and can never come to the US. Another thing that there can be issues, should the divorced couple with kids have kids still under age, i.e., not 18 yet, those kids still have to receive support. Should the kids be old enough to have reached the age of maturity, there may not be a problem, except with them. However, both you, Donnyboy1, and your Filipina girlfriend must be totally and completely compatible and do not have any trust issues. Remember that you are, more than likely, the one with the money and are the complete bread winner. I recommend that you take things one day at a time, one step at a time.


----------



## Shanghai88 (Jul 23, 2013)

Always remember your life is yours, it is not your childrens life.

There is over 40 years between my fiancee and I, we will be living together in the Philippines for well over a year before we get married. I have no intention of taking her out of her home environment here as i am very happy living in the Philippines.

Fortunately my grown up children are the opposite and will visit us here whenever they want to.


----------



## Donnyboy1 (Jul 23, 2013)

Thanks for your msgs - I have visited PI twice to see her - two weeks each time. She has sexy photos on FB my kids have seen & that's why they call her names. They think I am a fool & that she is out to fleece me. My youngest daughter is in uni & very upset with me - I support & love my kids & don't want them to feel abandoned. I worry they will hate me for seeking happiness. Also I am worried my girlfriend is putting pressure on me to send money to her family. What do u think I should do?


----------



## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

> Also I am worried my girlfriend is putting pressure on me to send money to her family.


 If you think theres pressure then yup,there is indeed,and so it begins...............


----------



## rj.uk (Aug 30, 2008)

Donnyboy1 said:


> Thanks for your msgs - I have visited PI twice to see her - two weeks each time. She has sexy photos on FB my kids have seen & that's why they call her names. They think I am a fool & that she is out to fleece me. My youngest daughter is in uni & very upset with me - I support & love my kids & don't want them to feel abandoned. I worry they will hate me for seeking happiness. Also I am worried my girlfriend is putting pressure on me to send money to her family. What do u think I should do?


Pretend there's no cultural and age difference what would you do? Think your last sentence says it all. You have doubts so I wouldn't go do anything rash


----------



## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

> They think ........... that she is out to fleece me.





> I am worried my girlfriend is putting pressure on me to send money to her family.


1+1=


----------



## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

*Standing On A Banana Peal*



Donnyboy1 said:


> Thanks for your msgs - I have visited PI twice to see her - two weeks each time. She has sexy photos on FB my kids have seen & that's why they call her names. They think I am a fool & that she is out to fleece me. My youngest daughter is in uni & very upset with me - I support & love my kids & don't want them to feel abandoned. I worry they will hate me for seeking happiness. Also I am worried my girlfriend is putting pressure on me to send money to her family. What do u think I should do?


*Donny, With more information to go on I'm gonna back-track on my thoughts a bit. The vast majority of people that have a long distance relationship with a Filipina also have a personal policy. That is, the first time one asks for or is willing to accept money (FOR ANY REASON) they are dropped like a hot potato. It is almost always a sure sign that the girl either has no sense of right and wrong or she is mostly interested in your money for her family and herself or both. In over 10 years of marriage to a Filipina and living here I have seen a lot and again, just from what you are saying here, you quite likely have the wrong one. Just as an example; we have a (young female) neighbor who has spent time with a guy from the States many times. They are are engaged to be married and he is and has been sending money to "help" her. What he does not know is that she is already married to a local and has one young child with her husband. She is doing this same thing with several foreign guys and as soon as one decides he has had enough of supporting her or the relationship gets too serious, that's the end of it and she starts over again with yet another that she finds on the internet. She and her husband do not work but make a very good income doing to guys what just might be happening to you. Unfortunately, it IS a common practice where financial deprivation, lack of education, abject poverty, as well as morals exist. 
Best advise that can be given: Get out of it and don't look back! don't give up on Filipina women though. There are many, many wonderful women here that would make a fantastic wife--but the internet is the wrong place to find one. The odds on the internet are far worse than gambling in a Vegas Casino. Best way to find the "right One" is to come here (not Angeles City) and meet many gals in person. Stay completely away from the bar girls or that type of girl. It is extremely easy to meet "good girls" that are employees of small stores, shopping malls, and even public markets. Just take enough time to really know and find the right one and avoid a horrible mistake. It's just not worth it.


Gene...*


----------



## Donnyboy1 (Jul 23, 2013)

Really thinking it all through before I ask her to marry me - my head is so muddled - wish my marriage hadn't failed - I had the perfect wife and screwed up everything.


----------



## Donnyboy1 (Jul 23, 2013)

kozitsme said:


> Hi Donny, The old saying comes to mind. "Torn between the devil and the deep blue sea" On one hand your Kids, the other some of the comments you will get. I have been in a similar situation as yours. Two years down the road, happy as larry.


How did you keep good relations with your kids? I am so close to mine & would be broken hearted if I lost contact.


----------



## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

> wish my marriage hadn't failed - I had the perfect wife and screwed up everything.


Your on the rebound mate,dont ask your pinay lady to marry you,the time isnt right and neither are your feelings at this precise moment,your marriage DID go down the pan but its in the past,take time to sort yourself out mentally and with your kids,your not 100% with the filipina,and alarm bells are already sounding mate,your kids will always be there for you,girlfriends come and go mate,kids are the constant,they are part of you,hope everything works out geezer.


----------



## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

P.S...........................And from the little info you divulged either her or her family already at this early stage of the game see you as the great white hope,a walking ATM cash machine,its a bad start,I have been there mate even though I thought it would never happen to me,I figured I had street-wise DNA,been there seen it got a wardrobe full of the T-shirts,but I was still seriously stung to the tune of around 30K sterling.


----------



## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

Donnyboy1 said:


> How did you keep good relations with your kids? I am so close to mine & would be broken hearted if I lost contact.


Donny, this is what you are having to deal with. First, you have to deal with your GF's family. You must make your GF understand that you are not a wealthy man, that you don't have deep pockets filled with 1,000 pound notes. She has to tell her family that and make them understand that. The problem with All Americans and Europeans is that many Filipinos think that we are all wealthy and have lots of cash. Most of us don't. 

Secondly, your GF's family has to understand that you are not going to support any of them who are lazy and do not or will not work. They have to carry their own load. 

Thirdly, you have to work things out with your children. Your children are your flesh and blood, your family, your kin, they will always be your family. If you still have contact with your ex spouse, this might cause a problem, with your GF, especially when it comes to your kids. 

Lastly, do not send large amounts of money to your GF. She has to understand that if you do send her any money, it is not to be 'loaned' out or given out to anyone. Remember that when one of her family says, 'I need to borrow 5,000 pesos for this or 10,000 pesos for this,' it will always end up being a 'gift' rather than a loan. And this loan will never be paid back.


----------

