# Living with a girlfriend?



## kieronmccomb (Dec 2, 2010)

Hi all,
I'm applying for a teaching post in Dubai. I want my girlfriend to come with me and she wants to come. We're not married though. I would get accomodartion included in my contract, but do I mention her in the application? What are the possibilities of people finding out that we're not married?
Thanks for any info!


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## Moe78 (Oct 29, 2010)

No don't mention her, however she will not get a residence visa from you so she will have to find her own job or do a visa run every month or so.

You can live together here but don't advertise it as it is technically illegal but as long as you do it under the radar, you should be fine like the rest.


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

I concur, with Moe, just say nothing...

And look for somewhere to stay in the more "western" areas too.

Good luck.


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## Canuck_Sens (Nov 16, 2010)

kieronmccomb said:


> Hi all,
> I'm applying for a teaching post in Dubai. I want my girlfriend to come with me and she wants to come. We're not married though. I would get accomodartion included in my contract, but do I mention her in the application? What are the possibilities of people finding out that we're not married?
> Thanks for any info!


 Life is not going to be easy for her..living on a tourist visa and doing a visa run all the time kindah sucks..not to mention health insurance....Will she loose it if she leaves UK for more than 6 months like in Canada ?

If you guys like each other I recommend marrying. the company will pay for her travel tickets and she will get insurance..... And she can work here....

if guys are not that serious in your relationship..its a break up scenario...my point of view anyway...


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## Nightshadow (Sep 21, 2010)

Hey there, I partly agree with the last response... but I think theres a third option. 

Rather than getting married or breaking up, you can always have her come to Dubai for the first 30-60 days and see if she likes it here. If she does, it gives you both an extra 2 months of being together and deciding what the "right thing to do" is. Or at least it helps. I can tell you that living here on a tourist visa REALLY sucks and for good reason, they dont want people living here that arent legally working or whatever. Although it wasnt your question, I think what Canuck is saying is that once here, your girlfriend might find it hard to adjust if shes stuck living here on a tourist visa for a prolonged period of time and that you should consider if thats the right option for you or not before taking that step.

Now to answer your actual question, seems like its quite difficult anyone would find out you arent married. Tons of people do it, just be smart about what you say and who you say it to. All you need is one pissed off neighbor or local to report you and its over. 

Whatever you guys decide, we wish you the best and hope you will both become part of our community here if you decide to reside in Dubai.


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## Canuck_Sens (Nov 16, 2010)

Shadow well said....you should be playing politics lol

But honestly, it is nice to live with someone you like and we all want to have the same kind of relationship we had home. ..like living together back in UK, US and Canada or wherever might be easy if you are a citizen/ legal aliens in any liberal country.

Here is not that liberal although UAE is very advanced from a western point of view. It is a Muslim country and there are laws.

I think as a couple you folks have to realize the hardship factor. There is hardship in UAE when you compare to UK. Life is not that easy like in UK.

I just cannot picture putting my wife in a situation where she would feel strained. And most likely I would never propose to my GF to come here under those circumstances. But that's me

I think health insurance is a big deal. We think we will not get sick but if we do then what ? How often will hercredit card cover uninterrupted trips to UAE for coverage purposes? I don't know. Does she know all about this?

It is about measuring risks and mitigate them I think. I am trying to expose the risks that you might not be aware of...and it is up to you two to find ways to mitigate them or simply accept them. Some risks cannot be accepted I think.

I would find first of all what would expose your girlfriend by not having a resident visa (thru employment/ thru you because of marriage) and work on those...

Whatever yours choice is...good luck and welcome to UAE !!!!


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## Maz25 (Jul 6, 2008)

Some sensible advice from the other posters. This situation can be quite stressful for the party without a visa. Visa runs are certainly not fun and it can be a pain counting the days to make sure that you do not overstay, etc.

You mentioned having accommodation included in your contract. Are you referring to the school providing accommodation or to providing an allowance for you to find your own place?

The chances of you being found out if you opt for the latter are very low, though saying that, you need to weigh up the risks and be comfortable with them, and additionally be aware that you may end up in jail, followed by deportation, if you were unlucky enough to be caught. In this instance, you need to behave like husband and wife and make sure you do not upset the neighbours (some people have the nasty habit of running to the police for anything and everything!)

If the school provides accommodation, then your girlfriend will not be able to stay with you. As your sponsor, the school is responsible for you and consequently will not allow any type of illegal acts or behaviour on its premises. My company also offers company accommodation and the golen rule is that if any of the singles living there were to get caught living with a partner (be it that they only spent the night or live there permanently), then they can consider themselves sacked. I doubt that they would call the police though.

Good luck with your decision.


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2010)

dude,

you are playing with fire as living together out of wedlock is indeed illegal. I don't agree at all with the original responses that you should just keep it under the radar. How do you propose to do that? It'll get out and if there's someone local who has it in for you, you'll find yourself out of the country. What are you thinking? This is the Middle East. My advice is to marry her or don't bring her at all. 

Good luck.


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## Seabee (Jul 15, 2010)

Just to clarify, we have to be sponsored to get a residence visa and the sponsor is either the employer or spouse who has his/her own res visa. 

If you're married you can sponsor your spouse but you can't sponsor someone you're not married to. You GF would have to find a job so that her employer will be her sponsor.


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

Canuck_Sens said:


> Life is not going to be easy for her..living on a tourist visa and doing a visa run all the time kindah sucks..not to mention health insurance....Will she loose it if she leaves UK for more than 6 months like in Canada ?
> 
> If you guys like each other I recommend marrying. the company will pay for her travel tickets and she will get insurance..... And she can work here....
> 
> if guys are not that serious in your relationship..its a break up scenario...my point of view anyway...


geeeee... don't get married just to avoid deportation in dubai! 

bring her here if she wants to come. being single in dubai while your gf is back home will suck big time. get the accommodation they offer, by all means, but try and rent her a room somewhere, where she could be "based" even if she'll live with you most of the time. it's wiser, as the others have said here, to keep your private life very private: no loud parties and no "suspect noises" in the apartment (you may laugh, i heard some very funny stories..)

then you need to consider a few things: what will she do while you are at work? will she need to go round by taxi? is she trying to get a job here as well, or just be with you? can you provide for two even if you're not married to her? dubai has some very lovely shoe shops... irrestible for ladies... is she high maintenance? can she deal with the transition from the world she knows to a logic-free environment?

maybe it's a test for you two if you want to work here. it takes a LOT of understanding and love for couples to survive here without starting to lie to each other or to themselves. there are many "distractions" that would send the relationship south if you are not strong enough and there for each other.

my two cent..


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## Elphaba (Jan 24, 2008)

Although many people do co-habit, the fact it that it is illegal. You must be aware of the consequences.

There are major problems in the event of illness, as a boyfriend is not next of kin. If she falls pregnant she must leave the country immediately. I know of a case where an unmarried woman got pregnant, miscarried and was then jailed.
-


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## BostonKong (Dec 3, 2010)

wow, scary...


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## Maz25 (Jul 6, 2008)

cami said:


> geeeee... don't get married just to avoid deportation in dubai!


This is a double edged sword. I don't agree with people getting married just to be able to live together either. It's almost inevitable that at some point, one partner will feel that they were forced into a marriage when they were not ready to commit and start resenting the other partner. Dubai also changes people and two people who were previously happily in a relationship, may find that their lives are heading in opposite direction. What do you do then? Do you stay in an unhappy relationship (which I doubt few people will do!) or do you kick yourself for sprinting down the aisle just so that you could live together for a few months/ years?

On the other hand, you can choose to live together illegally and risk a jail sentence if your are caught!

I personally think that you just can't win. But given the choice, I would opt to live together illegally ( the jail sentence is a few months, a marriage is a lifetime sentence!) since the chances of getting caught are quite low. The authorities are aware of people living together but that said, unless you attract attention to yourself, they won't come knocking on the door. It's matter of being sensible, i.e. don't get pregnant (I"m sure that this is something that can be easily sorted out with proper birth control - available over the counter!), and as you have said, stay on the right side of the neighbours.

This will always however be a personal choice. It really depends on how much risk one is will take.


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## shoeb (Oct 18, 2010)

don't try to live in Dubai without married with your girlfriend you both will stuck in problem rather you show that you both are married and stay in side how you want....


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## Nightshadow (Sep 21, 2010)

cami said:


> starting to lie to each other or to themselves. there are many "distractions" that would send the relationship south


Are you psychic? lol. You describe my relationship 110% ... whoa!! You have a gift my friend...


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

Nightshadow said:


> Are you psychic? lol. You describe my relationship 110% ... whoa!! You have a gift my friend...


.. yeah.. have been called a witch among many other things


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## Moe78 (Oct 29, 2010)

I have found that Dubai tends to show you the ugly side of people, family, friends, lovers, whatever.


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

Moe78 said:


> I have found that Dubai tends to show you the ugly side of people, family, friends, lovers, whatever.


it does, but what do you do after you've found out that? choose one:

a. you grow an ugly side too 

b. you become bitter and think everyone is a jackass

c. you smarten up and watch where you tread next

d. you give up, pack, and leave

any other options?


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Moe78 said:


> I have found that Dubai tends to show you the ugly side of people, family, friends, lovers, whatever.


Ahh...broken relationship. Been there, done that!  

To the OP, I would highly recommend that you try and avoid living together illegally. The laws in this country can be bent to suit one's preferences and do you really want to end up on the wrong side of the law?

I personally know 2 people (separate cases) who have been jailed for adultery. It's not a very pleasant experience!


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## Moe78 (Oct 29, 2010)

@cami, I am trying not to become a and/or b but it is hard when you are left without answers and the reasons you have are illogical but are all that you have to go with. So in the end maybe c or d are the only options left.

@pam, yeah I have had a real crap year!

Isn't the word "adultery" funny? It doesn't indicate any actual wrongdoing, I mean there's "adult" and "ery", basically the act of being an adult. That's what you're punished for, growing up!


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## Nightshadow (Sep 21, 2010)

Back to the original poster - the point of the last few posts was to highlight that "idle hands are the devils work" as they say. You being at work all day with your girlfriend not having much to do until she finally gets employment might not be a very healthy option for too long, trust me, it can get quite boring here if she knows no one and has to cope with that loneliness day after day. 

We arent trying to scare you and these posts might have been posted in a rather unorthodox way but this is simply one of the many things to consider when moving here. If you do take that step, ensure that you are prepared with activities you can both participate in together after you get home from work, as its quite easy to resent someone who moves you to another place and then has no time to spend on you and you are left without the familiarity of family, friends, local hangout places, etc. (Reminds me of the movie Lost in Translation - Where Scarlett Johannsen is left in the hotel room day after day while her boyfriend goes out on projects for his job and she starts to lose it). 

I have another suggestion, what are her current hobbies? See if she can continue those here in Dubai, such as Yoga or going to gym, karaoke, shopping, jet skiing, etc. 

Ok, perhaps we should get back on the non-married but living together part of his question... heh


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## Maz25 (Jul 6, 2008)

Lol, the original poster must be thoroughly confused by now  but at least, we have presented different sides of the argument, to help them make an informed decision (she says!).


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

i think he got the picture 

the simple fact that he wanted to know before coming here shows he cares. good for him!

@ moe78: "if winter comes, can spring be far behind?" 2011 will be an amazing year for you, you'll see


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## Moe78 (Oct 29, 2010)

@cami, I hope so! But then again I did ask Paul the Octopus before going on a disastrous summer vacation and he said I would be going on an adventure. He wasn't wrong but it wasn't a good adventure LOL

@OP, you gotta figure out what she's going to do here. if he can work then that's cool and if you're willing to take the risk of living together then that's cool too. Just be sure you both know what's in store for you because it isn't really as different as her moving to another city to be with you except for the additional complications. So you know there can be ups and downs to this, act accordingly and decide together.


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

Moe78 said:


> @cami, I hope so! But then again I did ask Paul the Octopus before going on a disastrous summer vacation and he said I would be going on an adventure. He wasn't wrong but it wasn't a good adventure LOL
> 
> well, maybe you should ask a vertebrate next time... preferably a mammal


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## Moe78 (Oct 29, 2010)

LOL well he did get the World Cup right but I guess he hated me


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