# Arrogance



## 197649 (Jan 1, 2013)

Meaning
Having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, conceited; overbearingly proud: 
Making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights.

I feel most Filipinos feel westerners are arrogant. I think it is because we have a tendency to voice our opinion. We interject our experiences into conversations. We make suggestions. 
I think they feel intimidated at times. I myself am loud when I speak which does make me seem overbearing. I certainly don’t mean to. 
Maybe some feel that we have a better life style where we come from, and we want them to do it our way. 
We as the western culture are independent in our lifestyles we are encouraged to leave our homes once we turn 18 and/or graduate from school.
I believe Filipinos are interdependent they are more family oriented and tend to keep families closer together. 

One area where westerners get frustrated here is customer service. Maybe because many Filipino customers don't want to complain and cause an employee to be embarrassed or shamed, the overall service at a restaurant or hotel suffers in the long run. Standards just seem to be lower. 

Just my Opinion your thoughts welcomed


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Yes, very big difference in the family structure. My kids(now in their 50s) have not asked for and have not been given any assistance since they got out of school. Her kids(20 to 35) still are constantly calling on Mommy for financial assistance whenever they get a little short. While mine were growing, I encouraged them to be ready and able to be on their own and they transitioned very well. It seems here that children are kept on the "Mom's Apron Strings" to a point where they can't really function on their own until they are forced to by the elders passing. You see 3 and 4 generations all living in the same house, which is quite contrary to what the Western World is used to.

Fred

I may see some ire over this, but that's how I see it.


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## colemanlee (Nov 17, 2014)

From what Ive seen mostly running into other foreigners in stores, BI etc. seems a lot are considered arrogant because of their "I'm special" attitude. I saw a lot of that at the BI, they would come in ill prepared and blame the employees for the things they didnt have..or having to wait in line etc...

I to am loud voiced, but its just the way my voice is, most that know me dont worry about that..as I try to treat most everybody with respect until they prove its not deserved.

I suppose for me, the lack of knowledge is one of the most frustrating things about living here. Especially the service you get, if they dont know, its out of stock...

I am a very punctual person, guess because of being former military, it took a few years to get the family on board, if you say you will be here at a certain time, do it...not arrogant but strict...I guess it could be seen as arrogant, but I hope not....

One of the things I use to have trouble with is the family using my things, tools etc..I could never find them after they came here...finally, If you want to use my stuff ask, if you dont you dont come back, your banned...they learned...

I have had to say, its my house, in my house its my rules, you dont like my rules dont come to my house...simple...could that be arrogance, or is it just being strict.

It has been my experience that most Filipinos never learn the lessons we did as kids, clean up after yourself, be on time, put stuff back, ask permission for stuff...taking responsibility for your actions, basic stuff for us, not for them. Its a cultural thing, you can either put up with it or change it. 

Most Filipinos I have met, obviously not all, will not take responsibility for their actions, its always somebody else's fault, something else's fault, Gods will, whatever. 

I raise six kids here, if somethings is wrong, broke whatever, and if I ask who did it, how it happened and get the "i dont know" "nobody" answer or anything in that vein, they all stand there for as long as it takes to figure out who what and where...I dont accept I dont know, now they know that..usually I get answers.

Hopefully someday they will grow up responsible adults.....and like most of us when they get out of school, they get out of the house and get a job....and if they cant find one, they can always go to work on the family rice fields...
Arrogant, no, strict, you bet ya....


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Expat worthiness*



c_acton98 said:


> Meaning
> Having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, conceited; overbearingly proud:
> Making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights.
> 
> ...


I used to think that I was such an important and possibly an over bearing expat living in the Philippines but after a couple years have found out that I'm nothing and a nobody (Foreigner, Kano, Donald Trump-they think, push over) and an easy target for a joke, that's the true reality.

Customer service, it's now a silly issue with me and I don't expect any sort of interaction between the staff of stores other than they hide because they can't speak English (nose bleed) and I can't speak Tagalog, if you happen to get great customer service it's a bonus, I've ran into a few cool workers though and we recognize each other and have conversation, it's come along ways.

You'll see what your worth when you run into Mayors, Police, Barangay, wealthy who aren't so fond of us and don't like foreigners, it's not a good feeling, I feel their daggers. The poor are used to this sour treatment from mainly the rich and let it roll off their shoulders, we as expats are a token minority here and so we get the surprised look and that sums it up, it's nothing else, nobody is really impressed in any way about us, other than curiosity and our cash.


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

mcalleyboy said:


> I used to think that I was such an important and possibly an over bearing expat living in the Philippines but after a couple years have found out that I'm nothing and a nobody (Foreigner, Kano, Donald Trump-they think, push over) and an easy target for a joke, that's the true reality.


I learned that in a funny way... I walked into a bar in Manila at 23 thinking I was gonna have to beat the girls off with a stick since I was American...but nobody even approached me. Looked around and they were too busy with the Arabs, Japanese, Swiss etc guys in the place. May think it's stupid but that's when I learned Americans weren't the end all in this place.


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## colemanlee (Nov 17, 2014)

cvgtpc1 said:


> I learned that in a funny way... I walked into a bar in Manila at 23 thinking I was gonna have to beat the girls off with a stick since I was American...but nobody even approached me. Looked around and they were too busy with the Arabs, Japanese, Swiss etc guys in the place. May think it's stupid but that's when I learned Americans weren't the end all in this place.


You should have been here in the 70's, Olongapo, Angeles City, darn it was good for a young mans ego....


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

Original post of Coleman Lee:

Hope doesn't spring eternal it only piss's us off trying:


I suppose for me, the lack of knowledge is one of the most frustrating things about living here. Especially the service you get, if they dont know, its out of stock...

*-It's actually not out of stock but they don't want to dig for it in another area of the building, it would take them a very long time to move other boxes, so they run like they are looking and then run right back, one minute later to inform you it's out of stock.
*
One of the things I use to have trouble with is the family using my things, tools etc..I could never find them after they came here...finally, If you want to use my stuff ask, if you dont you dont come back, your banned...they learned...

*-Oh man great point, it's not their tools so there's very little care or thought into how it's used, it will get damaged or broken and returned with a smile and a happy happy chuckle...hehe, ha ha. I tried to store tools here while I was still working abroad, they're all gone and I had a worker and family members since I've been here that take it one piece at time, dang it, I had the complete set but now? 
*
I have had to say, its my house, in my house its my rules, you dont like my rules dont come to my house...simple...could that be arrogance, or is it just being strict.

*-Your right but your wrong it's their house and your the irritant and irrational Kano that keeps them from taking it over, they'd rather have a Philippino man running that house, life would be even better for them (so they think).*


Most Filipinos I have met, obviously not all, will not take responsibility for their actions, its always somebody else's fault, something else's fault, Gods will, whatever.

*-No tools period end of story, when they ask it's always broken or I'll tell them some one broke it, they move on.*

I raise six kids here, if somethings is wrong, broke whatever, and if I ask who did it, how it happened and get the "i dont know" "nobody" answer or anything in that vein, they all stand there for as long as it takes to figure out who what and where...I dont accept I dont know, now they know that..usually I get answers.

*-God bless you and other's for trying your best to raise that many kids. I've tried to cure my son from the 'Head bobbing" and to answer my questions but the no talking issue it must be in the blood line and can't be fixed, to tell the truth would put that child at risk of being expunged from his blood line.*

Hopefully someday they will grow up responsible adults.....and like most of us when they get out of school, they get out of the house and get a job....and if they cant find one, they can always go to work on the family rice fields...
Arrogant, no, strict, you bet ya....

*-Sad reality is they won't change, if the kids spent any extended periods with the original parents or other family members taking care of them (cheaper you think but brain washers), it's gonna be a long and extended fight to change them, I have given up.*


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

I have had to say, its my house, in my house its my rules, you dont like my rules dont come to my house...simple...could that be arrogance, or is it just being strict.

*-Your right but your wrong it's their house and your the irritant and irrational Kano that keeps them from taking it over, they'd rather have a Philippino man running that house, life would be even better for them (so they think).*

Great post and also a great reply..

Just wanted to point out this section as it is often the geatest source of danger to us--depending on our wives and our families.


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Wife*



Jet Lag said:


> I have had to say, its my house, in my house its my rules, you dont like my rules dont come to my house...simple...could that be arrogance, or is it just being strict.
> 
> *-Your right but your wrong it's their house and your the irritant and irrational Kano that keeps them from taking it over, they'd rather have a Philippino man running that house, life would be even better for them (so they think).*
> 
> ...


Wife definitely wants us but other's? Notice when in-laws or it could be anyone, when they want money "It's alway's comes down to money" they ask for the wife..... when they want money they don't come to the foreigner. :juggle: Exeption would be the basketball players, beggars and people with the letters from the barangay.

I need to back track on the Barangay, actually they do treat us very well and let it be known we tell truth in disputes, they'll take our side, I meant only a select few in the barangay not in high positions of power that give might give me the scowl look, basically the ones cut off from huge parties, fancy booze and food.


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*After the 7TH Fleet visit*



colemanlee said:


> You should have been here in the 70's, Olongapo, Angeles City, darn it was good for a young mans ego....


There's truth in that but I also remember a couple days after the 7th Fleet pulled out it was barren and what was left was pooped out...LOL.  :eyebrows:


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## Manitoba (Jun 25, 2014)

There is a real cultural divide between West and East. Not just the US and Philippines but US, Canada, UK etc and Philippines, Thailand, Indonesia etc.

We raise our kids to become independent individuals, Asians raise their kids to become extended members of the family and to care for the rest of the family.

We expect total honesty, We will tell someone no and expect it to be accepted without it being personal. Asians will come up with a wide range of excuses why something cannot be done, even if some of these are based on mutually exclusive reasons. ( Its broken, we don’t have one in the first place etc.) and Asians will be confused why we do not understand being told no in their fashion in a manner that allows each party to save face.

If we are told something will take a week we expect it done in 7 days. Asians consider 7 days to be a way of putting someone off for a while and not a firm time commitment.

Neither culture is right or wrong, they have adapted and behaviours that work in one culture will not work in another culture.


We expect individual empowerment. We have freedoms and rights that are non-existent here. We also expect personal responsibility. Asians are generally powerless in their society and can easily pass off responsibility to the “system” instead of accepting it for themselves.

Bottom line is that this is a different culture here and if we are to live in it we should understand it and adapt to it. That doesn’t mean become part of the culture but rather understand what and why things are happening.

When in Rome, you do not have to do as the Romans do but you should understand why they do it and respect the local cultural methods of getting things done.


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## dhream (Jan 30, 2012)

This thread sounds pretty much like Thai vs Farang... heck East vs West, period. Except maybe for the Japanese...  and even then...


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## Manitoba (Jun 25, 2014)

dhream said:


> This thread sounds pretty much like Thai vs Farang... heck East vs West, period. Except maybe for the Japanese...  and even then...


It is more East compaired to West.

What we see as a Philippine specific set of behaviousr is common throughout SE Asia as the cultural underpinnings of these behavours are simular throughout the region.

Same reason why Americans, Canadians, Brits et al tend to behave in simular manners.

Some slight differences between the countries in a region but overall quite common behaviours throughout the regions.

Heck, you will see as much variation in behavours withing the larger countries as between them sometimes.


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## pagbati (Apr 9, 2014)

Manitoba said:


> There is a real cultural divide between West and East. Not just the US and Philippines but US, Canada, UK etc and Philippines, Thailand, Indonesia etc.
> 
> Neither culture is right or wrong, they have adapted and behaviours that work in one culture will not work in another culture. Bottom line is that this is a different culture here and if we are to live in it we should understand it and adapt to it. That doesn’t mean become part of the culture but rather understand what and why things are happening.


Well said Manitoba and not so different from *Freya Stark's way of thinking; she once said, _"One can only really travel if one lets oneself go and takes what every place brings without trying to turn it into a healthy private pattern of one's own. I suppose that is the difference between travel and tourism"._

* A famous British travel writer, 1893-1993 who travelled extensively throughout the Middle East.


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## Nickleback99 (Aug 6, 2011)

colemanlee said:


> You should have been here in the 70's, Olongapo, Angeles City, darn it was good for a young mans ego....


Aint That the truth ! Late 80s and early 90s weren't so bad either!....was there up to time the bases closed, although Clark was largely already "done" after Pinatubo. Good times!


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

colemanlee said:


> From what Ive seen mostly running into other foreigners in stores, BI etc. seems a lot are considered arrogant because of their "I'm special" attitude. I saw a lot of that at the BI, they would come in ill prepared and blame the employees for the things they didnt have..or having to wait in line etc...
> 
> I to am loud voiced, but its just the way my voice is, most that know me dont worry about that..as I try to treat most everybody with respect until they prove its not deserved.
> 
> ...


Same here


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