# What IELTS band I can get for the following essay?



## trends (Dec 4, 2012)

Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In today's World, people enjoy shopping. Even they prefer to go shopping malls in their free time. It is believed that shopping has replaced hobbies of many people for various reasons, which is not a positive development.This will be shown by analyzing the promotion of consumerism as well as laziness of individuals to do any other activities as their hobbies.

Firstly, many consumer brands started promoting shopping as fun activity, that fulfills individual happiness. For example, most individuals believe in by buying latest gadgets and by adopting current fashion trends will make them happy, hence they start going to buy things as a hobby. This example clearly shows that why shopping malls are filled with people after working hours. It is obivious that buying things at free time is an alternative to other activities.

Secondly, people these days are lazy to do any activities, they prefer going out to commercial complex as an alternative. Take shopping as instance is an easy task, it doesn't require any hard work. So often people think by going out to acquire things , they can have some walking as well, which is not true. This example makes it clear that most people prefer to do easier things rather than engaging themselves in other activities like walking, running etc. From this, it can be concluded that shopping is replacing many other activities.

After analyzing the consumerism and laziness among the vast majority of people it is crystal clear that shopping at free time has impacted the society in a negative way. It has been shown that how shopping is replacing other activities of the mass. If the same trend continues, gradually other activities may disappear.


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## fmasaud84 (Oct 21, 2012)

trends said:


> Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
> 
> In today's World, people enjoy shopping. Even they prefer to go shopping malls in their free time. It is believed that shopping has replaced hobbies of many people for various reasons, which is not a positive development.This will be shown by analyzing the promotion of consumerism as well as laziness of individuals to do any other activities as their hobbies.
> 
> ...


i am not sure what band you will get. Maybe 7 at least ? =)

but if i had to answer this . i will write 2nd paragraph about the possible reasons. 
I will write the 3rd paragraph to give my opinion if this is good or bad, and why good or bad .. 

i believe like this you can write a better answer to this question. your answer is covering this as well but firstly and secondly is usually used to talk about the same topic ....


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## Stargaze (Dec 11, 2012)

trends said:


> Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
> 
> In today's World, people enjoy shopping. Even they prefer to go shopping malls in their free time. It is believed that shopping has replaced hobbies of many people for various reasons, which is not a positive development.This will be shown by analyzing the promotion of consumerism as well as laziness of individuals to do any other activities as their hobbies.
> 
> ...


Issues,
1.	Unnecessary use of capital letter
2.	Incorrect use of punctuation
3.	Spelling mistakes
4.	Use of articles
5.	Lack of lexical resources
6.	Copied the word from question, use different words with same meaning
7.	Lack of academic form
8.	Progression of the essay needs improvement.

Regards,


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## trends (Dec 4, 2012)

Dear FMsaud and Stargaze

Thanks a lot for your valued feedback, it really helpful.

Cheers
Trends


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxYoshiky (Apr 3, 2013)

*Could you assess ?*

Writing task 1 (G)
There have been some problems with public transport in your area rcently.

Write a letter to the manager of the public transport company. In your letter
+describe the problems
+explain how these problems are affecting the public
+Suggest what changes could be made

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to inform you about problems which daily commuters have been facing for the last few weeks with your train services. Reduction of train services, due to the train upgrades, has heavily affected morning journeys into the city.

The major issue for most of the commuters is the increase of waiting time to board trains. Because of this change, express services no longer stop at Benteigh Station. We are unable to board trains in the morning because the trains are so packed by the time a train arrives. Some people also do not want to move down to the inside of carraiages. Consequently, many people have been forced to change their travel time and options in order to reach their destinations on time.

In order to rectify this situation, I believe it is important to increase more 'stopping all stations' services instead of having express ones in the morning to cater for a number of people travel in rush hour. 

I hope you understand the gravity of our situation. I am looking forward to a swift resolution of this matter. 

Yours faithfully,

John Smith (about 190 words)

what band will I get for this?


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