# Best destinations for single expats



## Nightwing

I've already decided I'm unhappy in the US and looking for some place new for various reasons, and I'm not just looking to chase women or be a "sexpat". But I will come out and say I'm single. I'd like to know what are the best places to go to meet single ladies that are open to dating (and potentially marrying) American men. 

I'm open to dating both local women or expats. I generally prefer darker women and am not typically attracted to women with European features. (I went to Poland and got a crush on an Egyptian, so go figure.) I like things like comic books, action figures, superheroes, and science fiction; and I prefer women who appreciate such interests. I'm 40 years old. I do not have much money, so I'm looking for work. I am not emotionally attached to the US and am willing to build a new life somewhere if things go well. I have lived a significant portion of my life as an expat growing up in Libya. I am not at all religious and prefer women who are not heavily invested in religion. I hold a master's degree in special education and am very interested in teaching. I can teach ESL or subjects relating to math and science. But I am aware that teaching is not very lucrative in a lot of places. 

I've heard things like Dubai's population being 80% male for instance. Philippines seems a popular destination for the purpose of meeting women, but is not a good location for someone without money looking to find work. Another popular destination seems to be Thailand, but I am not sure if it is for finding love or just sleeping around with prostitutes. A Thai coworker recently told me that her mother was expecting a lot of money from her American husband, so I do not know how common this expectation is and in which cultures. 

Ideally, I'd like to find a good balance: I'd like to find somewhere with good career opportunities, atmosphere I'd enjoy, and opportunities to meet new friends and socialize. But I also want to go somewhere I'd have good opportunities to meet and date women, taking into consideration my background and financial situation.


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## Bevdeforges

If you find that magical place, please keep it to yourself. Expatriating is not really a great way to hook up with other singles. Many countries have biases both for and against "foreigners" - the key one being that Americans are "rich" (however defined).


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## Nightwing

I'm not looking for anything magical. What I'm asking is more in the vein of what to expect and what to avoid. For example, from what I've heard about Thailand it is an ideal destination for someone just looking to have fun with prostitutes. But is it a good place for expats to find potential long term connections?

I am certainly not rich. I am permanently separated from my family. I have a developmental disability to affects my ability to find jobs to some degree. I don't currently have any savings or property. One of the reasons I'd like to relocate is that I heard many expats manage do better in countries with lower living costs. I currently pay $500 a month to rent a room in someone else's house.

I went on a trip to Poland with the Angloville program this summer and I enjoyed it immensely. It was much easier for me to socialize and make friends with the people I met there, and I engaged in partying and socializing much more organically then I ever do back home. I was much more active both socially and physically then I've been in at least a decade, and I felt much healthier and less depressed than any time in recent memory. I found that everyone I met in the program was fun, interesting, and engaging; and I felt much less lonely than I normally do. It is natural that when perusing my passion for travel and exploring foreign cultures I met many people who shared those passions. The social crisis in the US in the past few decades is well documented, and is something I need to escape for my mental health. This experience inspired in me the idea of finding somewhere in or close to Europe where I can find work and settle in, so that I can affordably participate in programs like Angloville regularly.

Most of the other Americans I met were expats or nomads, and everyone seemed to afford to travel regularly. The only way that I was able to pay for the trip to Europe was with student loan money, and it is not something I can afford to do again in my current financial situation. I also learned that it was much more affordable for people who reside in Europe than the cost of a transatlantic flight.


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## Nightwing

Ideally, I don't want relationships or even casual hookups to be something I go out of my way to pursue. I'd rather they just be something that happens organically as meet people I share passions with as we're pursuing those passions.


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## Bevdeforges

To be very honest about it, the first thing someone in your situation needs to consider is that of finding a job that will grant you a visa with working privileges. When I decided I wanted to return to Europe after a year of working there, it took me a good 18 months of job hunting, including a 2 or 3 week self-financed trip to follow up on some favorable nibbles I had in response to my resumé. It also helped that I had a good "head hunter" to work with and she provided a number of leads while I was on my little European tour. All told, I spent a good $17.000 on that trip (and this was YEARS ago, so would cost quite a bit more nowadays) - but back then you could deduct job hunting expenses on your US income taxes (but only if you actually found a job and started it). 

Worrying about where to find someplace to store your collections, or whether you can get to and from work via public transit comes after you have the job offer. Ditto the concerns about meeting people and developing a social life. I don't want to be mean about it, but in your situation, your first and foremost concern has to be that of finding a job and demonstrating to a potential employer that this isn't just a pipe dream of yours. That you understand the challenges implicit in your choice to work abroad and that you have a solid notion of what you're getting yourself into.


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## Nightwing

Its a good point. I'm just trying to gather some information to know what I'm getting into.


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## ALKB

Nightwing said:


> I've already decided I'm unhappy in the US and looking for some place new for various reasons, and I'm not just looking to chase women or be a "sexpat". But I will come out and say I'm single. I'd like to know what are the best places to go to meet single ladies that are open to dating (and potentially marrying) American men.
> 
> I'm open to dating both local women or expats. I generally prefer darker women and am not typically attracted to women with European features. (I went to Poland and got a crush on an Egyptian, so go figure.) I like things like comic books, action figures, superheroes, and science fiction; and I prefer women who appreciate such interests. I'm 40 years old. I do not have much money, so I'm looking for work. I am not emotionally attached to the US and am willing to build a new life somewhere if things go well. I have lived a significant portion of my life as an expat growing up in Libya. I am not at all religious and prefer women who are not heavily invested in religion. I hold a master's degree in special education and am very interested in teaching. I can teach ESL or subjects relating to math and science. But I am aware that teaching is not very lucrative in a lot of places.
> 
> I've heard things like Dubai's population being 80% male for instance. Philippines seems a popular destination for the purpose of meeting women, but is not a good location for someone without money looking to find work. Another popular destination seems to be Thailand, but I am not sure if it is for finding love or just sleeping around with prostitutes. A Thai coworker recently told me that her mother was expecting a lot of money from her American husband, so I do not know how common this expectation is and in which cultures.
> 
> Ideally, I'd like to find a good balance: I'd like to find somewhere with good career opportunities, atmosphere I'd enjoy, and opportunities to meet new friends and socialize. But I also want to go somewhere I'd have good opportunities to meet and date women, taking into consideration my background and financial situation.



Places like the UAE and Saudi Arabia have a disproportionate amount of men because most people living there are not Emiratis but foreign workers. Of those, most are low skilled laborers from the subcontinent and other places in Asia. They do hard physical work and apart from domestic servants, nannies, etc. are all male. Apart from that, although I heard that romantic relationships outside of marriage are now no longer illegal, "not going to prison" is not the same as easy.

As the spouse of a man from Asia, I can confirm that you marry a family. Because in many countries there is no effective pension/welfare system and due to cultural traditions, children are expected to financially take care of their parents and older siblings are expected to help with financially taking care of younger ones. It might also be expected to host siblings during their time at uni and bear all their living expenses during that time, if not also tuition fees. Even if it´s just your partner who sends money (often a third to half of their paycheck) to their family, this is money missing from the household income so it does also affect you.

Also, it´s relatively hard to find somebody who is not invested in religion but exceptions to the rule do exist.

Now, where I live, in this particular part of Germany, 80% of people say they have no religion, of the remaining 20% the majority might go to church on Christmas and Easter. If they have no other plans. A small number of people might attend church regularly or adhere to minority religions. So, here it would be the norm to meet women who are not invested in religion. The population is getting more diverse but of course nobody can guarantee that you´ll find The One, in any country.

Now onto the big one.

In other threads you mentioned that you can only work part time. This will be an issue with a lot of countries. A visa based on employer sponsorship is generally not geared towards part time work. Not least because you won´t have access to social benefits and a part time salary will often not cover your living expenses.

I think your best bet would be to apply to the DoD because you´d not need sponsorship. At least to start out.


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## Nightwing

Bevdeforges said:


> When I decided I wanted to return to Europe after a year of working there, it took me a good 18 months of job hunting, including a 2 or 3 week self-financed trip to follow up on some favorable nibbles I had in response to my resumé. It also helped that I had a good "head hunter" to work with and she provided a number of leads while I was on my little European tour. All told, I spent a good $17.000 on that trip


I'm trying to determine if moving to Europe is a realistic option for me. I had heard that it is very difficult for non-EU citizens to obtain work sponsorships or visas. I do not have any marketable skills that are uncommon or difficult to find within the EU. Your story highlights how difficult it can be, as there is no way I would ever be able to afford a fraction of your expenses just to find a job. 

If Europe is not a realistic option, then I'm trying to find what of the options I do have would be a good fit. I don't want to move to another country only to find I'm miserable or lonely there. 



ALKB said:


> Now onto the big one.
> 
> In other threads you mentioned that you can only work part time. This will be an issue with a lot of countries. A visa based on employer sponsorship is generally not geared towards part time work. Not least because you won´t have access to social benefits and a part time salary will often not cover your living expenses.


A misunderstanding seems to have occurred. What I said is that many adults diagnosed with ASD work part-time. It was not my intention to imply that I can only work part-time. I do in fact work full-time and am accustomed to it. But I have never been able to find a job that pays well or leads to career growth opportunities, and that I want to change that. 

I apologize for causing any misunderstanding regarding this matter.


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## Bevdeforges

Nightwing said:


> I don't want to move to another country only to find I'm miserable or lonely there.


This is the key thing - and it is very difficult to achieve if you aren't able to travel a bit to scout out possible locations. The problem is that there is no one country that is "best" for everyone. It depends entirely on your particulars - qualifications, languages, preferences, experiences, ability to adapt to change, health, etc, etc, And, there is no guarantee that once you do move somewhere else, you won't go through real down periods where you think you've made a horrible mistake. Sometimes you can work through it, and other times you can't. There is no way you can research your way through that sort of thing.


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## *Sunshine*

Nightwing said:


> I'm trying to determine if moving to Europe is a realistic option for me. I had heard that it is very difficult for non-EU citizens to obtain work sponsorships or visas. I do not have any marketable skills that are uncommon or difficult to find within the EU.


Do you read all the replies? It is not that difficult to obtain a work permit to be a teacher at a private international school in Germany. However, schools will want to see your certification as well as experience. 

Here is just one example:






Jobs | John F. Kennedy School Berlin







jfks.de


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## Moulard

Nightwing said:


> I don't want to move to another country only to find I'm miserable or lonely there.


As an introvert who has moved around an awful lot in my whole life, I know from personal experience it can take a fair bit of concentrated effort to not feel lonely or miserable at one point or another.

You get what you put in... You cannot expect a community to magically form around you.

As the new kid on the block it is you who have to find a place in the community, to reach out and make connections. Not just in the workplace but outside of it.

In fact I have found that finding a community of kindred spirits outside of work it crucial.

Yes, it can be hard work, and if you are on the spectrum I have no doubt that that effort will be compounded.

Add to that the fact that the reality for me at least has always been waves of homesickness at three months and then on or about the anniversary of the move.

Its never easy... but how you create community around you is critical


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## Nightwing

*Sunshine* said:


> Do you read all the replies? It is not that difficult to obtain a work permit to be a teacher at a private international school in Germany. However, schools will want to see your certification as well as experience.
> 
> Here is just one example:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jobs | John F. Kennedy School Berlin
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jfks.de


Thanks. 

I am currently working on my certification, but I am at a point where I'm just stuck waiting for however long it takes the state departments to approve everything. Get experience will take another few years after the certification is complete, and I am concerned about my age since I am already 40 and I have seen ageism from at least some schools.


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## Nightwing

Moulard said:


> As an introvert who has moved around an awful lot in my whole life, I know from personal experience it can take a fair bit of concentrated effort to not feel lonely or miserable at one point or another.
> 
> You get what you put in... You cannot expect a community to magically form around you.
> 
> As the new kid on the block it is you who have to find a place in the community, to reach out and make connections. Not just in the workplace but outside of it.
> 
> In fact I have found that finding a community of kindred spirits outside of work it crucial.
> 
> Yes, it can be hard work, and if you are on the spectrum I have no doubt that that effort will be compounded.
> 
> Add to that the fact that the reality for me at least has always been waves of homesickness at three months and then on or about the anniversary of the move.
> 
> Its never easy... but how you create community around you is critical


Problem is that having grown up in an expat family, I really don't have a home. The only thing I have going in the US is not needing a work visa, but otherwise I am already on my own with no family and no support or social safety net. I already feel alone and struggle to find communities where I belong.

When I was in Poland, it was easy for my to connect with expats as well as locals interested in learning about English and other cultures. Its the most "at home" I have felt.


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## Moulard

Nightwing said:


> Problem is that having grown up in an expat family, I really don't have a home.


It is the curse of the child expat. There have been academic papers about how this impacts identity. The motherland where one is born is a foreign country, the fatherland where one grows up does not necessarily see you as one of them.

If you throw in to the mix regular moves, both intra- and inter-national the idea of identity and place can get completely screwed up. (Been there, bought the souvenir T-shirt)

That is why making your own community, of like minded people is crucial -- you won't be the American, the Australian or whatever, you just become "one of us".


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## Nightwing

Also, where I grew up is a Muslim society, and I'm an atheist. That's doesn't go over well there.


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## *Sunshine*

Nightwing said:


> I'm trying to determine if moving to Europe is a realistic option for me. I had heard that it is very difficult for non-EU citizens to obtain work sponsorships or visas. I do not have any marketable skills that are uncommon or difficult to find within the EU. Your story highlights how difficult it can be, as there is no way I would ever be able to afford a fraction of your expenses just to find a job.


It is not just Europe, I can't think of any country looking for poor uneducated Americans. If there was one, many of your fellow Americans would have already left. 

In the absence of a winning lottery ticket or a generous inheritance, your only options to emigrate are skilled migration or family reunification. Unless you can find a partner willing to sponsor your work/residence permit, you are only left with the skilled migration route at the moment.



Nightwing said:


> I am currently working on my certification, but I am at a point where I'm just stuck waiting for however long it takes the state departments to approve everything. Get experience will take another few years after the certification is complete, and I am concerned about my age since I am already 40 and I have seen ageism from at least some schools.


It is highly unlikely that you'll be able to walk into a good job quickly without any experience. There is nothing to stop you from applying for jobs abroad while gaining experience at home.


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## Bevdeforges

Moulard said:


> It is the curse of the child expat. There have been academic papers about how this impacts identity.


Not to mention an issue with adult expats - who discover after a few years that they no longer consider their country of origin to be "home" but aren't actually "at home" in their adopted country. This is where the notion of flexibility and the ability to adapt come in super handy.

It's also the basis of the advice about not expatriating in order to escape something but rather to move elsewhere because you have a motivation to make things work (i.e. a partner, a job, a career, etc.).


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## Nightwing

*Sunshine* said:


> It is not just Europe, I can't think of any country looking for poor uneducated Americans. If there was one, many of your fellow Americans would have already left.


I'm far from uneducated. I have a Master's degree. 



Bevdeforges said:


> Not to mention an issue with adult expats - who discover after a few years that they no longer consider their country of origin to be "home" but aren't actually "at home" in their adopted country. This is where the notion of flexibility and the ability to adapt come in super handy.
> 
> It's also the basis of the advice about not expatriating in order to escape something but rather to move elsewhere because you have a motivation to make things work (i.e. a partner, a job, a career, etc.).


Well, things just aren't working for me here. I've lived here for the past 20 years, and still I never established a career. I never married or had a girlfriend. I don't have any family or social support here. I'm already in the position you described, and I'm just not happy here.


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## Nightwing

Moulard said:


> It is the curse of the child expat. There have been academic papers about how this impacts identity. The motherland where one is born is a foreign country, the fatherland where one grows up does not necessarily see you as one of them.


Can you direct me to any of these papers?


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## Moulard

Nightwing said:


> Can you direct me to any of these papers?


Not without indirectly doxxing myself. But with so much academic content online these days, you should be able to let your fingers do the walking.


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## Bevdeforges

You might be interested in this organization: https://expatchild.com/expat-kids/

The woman who founded the organization has lots of experience with expat families and she references lots of the papers and studies on the subject from her site and in her blog.


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