# Kissing etiquette in Spain



## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right. 

When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?

We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Alcalaina said:


> I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right.
> 
> When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?
> 
> We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


The Belgian couple are probably swingers. I never kiss anyone - remember the words of the old song? What do you get when you kiss a girl/guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia....


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

thrax said:


> The Belgian couple are probably swingers. I never kiss anyone - remember the words of the old song? What do you get when you kiss a girl/guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia....


Bobbie Gentry - wow, that's an oldie!

Los Belgos are definitely not swingers. And all their kids do it too.

Anyway :focus: what do we do about _Los españoles_? Sensible suggestions please!


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Admitting you've heard of Bobby Gentry tells me a lot lol. On a serious note, it seems to me as though there isn't really a formality here, although on the whole it is 2 kisses and the first one on the right cheek. Not forgetting that your lips are not supposed to touch the other person. That is what I've observed anyway. Still won't indulge myself or the wife might start getting ideas....


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## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

thrax said:


> Admitting you've heard of Bobby Gentry tells me a lot lol. QUOTE]
> 
> Ah...but have you heard of Jeanie C. Riley??


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

mrypg9 said:


> thrax said:
> 
> 
> > Admitting you've heard of Bobby Gentry tells me a lot lol. QUOTE]
> ...


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## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

Alcalaina said:


> mrypg9 said:
> 
> 
> > Harper Valley PTA!
> ...


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## Sonrisa (Sep 2, 2010)

Alcalaina said:


> I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right.
> 
> When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?
> 
> We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


Ok, as a rule of thumb from a native point of view:

Appropiate: When being introduced or greeted in relaxed settings/ family reunions/ friends outings. 

Not appropiate: At work / business meetings/ when intruduced or greeted in work/ business related settings. Then a hand shake is the norm. 

Basically you give real proper kisses when greeting family, good friends and people you know well. Strangers and people you don't know very well definitely get air kissed.

Not funny noisies thou. They make you look silly.


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## Sonrisa (Sep 2, 2010)

French give four kisses! Takes me forever to greet my parents in law!


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

mrypg9 said:


> thrax said:
> 
> 
> > Admitting you've heard of Bobby Gentry tells me a lot lol. QUOTE]
> ...


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## Caz.I (Mar 21, 2009)

Alcalaina said:


> I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right.
> 
> When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?
> 
> We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


There is another thread on this subject, called Kissing the Builder, which Pesky started ages ago and I think may have a definitive answer.

I wouldnt worry about not doing it because I think most Spanish people are used to reserved Brits, and dont seem to mind if you dont kiss them. I dont know about Belgians, but I know a Dutch couple who always do the three kiss thing, which totally threw me, but I think that is maybe just people from Belgium/Holland.

I find that the longer you are here, the more natural it becomes, and that if it is someone's usual greeting then they will kiss you first but if you are in a more formal situation, it is less likely. I think it is normal in informal situations when meeting someone for the first time, and when you know someone already. I am more used to it now although I must admit I am more of an air kisser (mwah mwah) than a full-on lips to cheek kisser.

I think it is a big no-no with your bank manager (unless you are really good friends), your boss and other professional people. Mind you, having said that, I have been kissed by my lawyer. But I wouldnt ever take the initiative in a business setting. Maybe it is different too in different areas. I think that in Andalucia everyone is more touchy feely in general. But maybe others feel differently...


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

Sonrisa said:


> Ok, as a rule of thumb from a native point of view:
> 
> Appropiate: When being introduced or greeted in relaxed settings/ family reunions/ friends outings.
> 
> ...


OK, with you so far. But what I get most confused about, is who kisses whom?


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Caz.I said:


> There is another thread on this subject, called Kissing the Builder, which Pesky started ages ago and I think may have a definitive answer.
> 
> I wouldnt worry about not doing it because I think most Spanish people are used to reserved Brits, and dont seem to mind if you dont kiss them. I dont know about Belgians, but I know a Dutch couple who always do the three kiss thing, which totally threw me, but I think that is maybe just people from Belgium/Holland.
> 
> ...


yes -I remember that one!!

here it is..............http://www.expatforum.com/expats/spain-expat-forum-expats-living-spain/26779-kissing-builder.html


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

Caz.I said:


> There is another thread on this subject, called Kissing the Builder, which Pesky started ages ago and I think may have a definitive answer.
> 
> I wouldnt worry about not doing it because I think most Spanish people are used to reserved Brits, and dont seem to mind if you dont kiss them. I dont know about Belgians, but I know a Dutch couple who always do the three kiss thing, which totally threw me, but I think that is maybe just people from Belgium/Holland.
> 
> ...


My bank manager is an Irish girl from Brum so no worries there, and I never go near offices if I can avoid it (though I wouldn't mind a bit of physical contact with my _gestor_). It's mainly when being introduced to people in social situations - some people seem to expect it, others don't. I didn't know it was right-cheek-first, and I will definitely avoid skin contact in future.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

xabiachica said:


> yes -I remember that one!!
> 
> here it is..............http://www.expatforum.com/expats/spain-expat-forum-expats-living-spain/26779-kissing-builder.html


Yes, I'm not sure how much info it's got in it!

I think it was Sue who said that many business contacts shake hands first and that at the end of the meeting give the kisses, and that's often been my experience.

I started a new class, 3 days a week with a young business man in November. For the first 3 weeks he kissed me goodbye after every class! And I'm not that good looking I can tell you! ¡Qué agobio!

Funnily enough I've just come back from a kiss or not kiss situation. I went for a massage (Reyes present!) and I hadn't met the girl before, but know her business partner who is a very kissy kind of person, so when she opened the door I was ready just in case, but NO, Esmeralda is not a kiss kiss person.


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Yes, I'm not sure how much info it's got in it!
> 
> I think it was Sue who said that many business contacts shake hands first and that at the end of the meeting give the kisses, and that's often been my experience.
> 
> ...


Isn't that the real point that it is down to personal preference? I know I joked earlier about it but the truth is I really don't do it and so far I've had no issues or problems. All of the Spanish people I've met are quite happy with a handshake or a polite formal or informal verbal greeting. So for me the answer is son't worry about it. We live in changing times and although the word secular used to be the exclusive preserve of theology, it is being used increasingly to mean a society that accepts people for who they are and not for the rituals they observe.

I'm not often serious but I was just then.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

thrax said:


> Isn't that the real point that it is down to personal preference? I know I joked earlier about it but the truth is I really don't do it and so far I've had no issues or problems. All of the Spanish people I've met are quite happy with a handshake or a polite formal or informal verbal greeting. So for me the answer is son't worry about it. We live in changing times and although the word secular used to be the exclusive preserve of theology, it is being used increasingly to mean a society that accepts people for who they are and not for the rituals they observe.
> 
> I'm not often serious but I was just then.


Well, actually it has come up with an American friend of mine and her Spanish friends, and did become a bit of a "thing", which I think is understandable. You meet a group of friends on a regular basis. You go around greeting them, which is Spain means kissing, and you get to Kathy the non Kisser. You say Hi and don't kiss. It's totally un natural in Spain to not greet your friends with a kiss. It's an action that stands out, and they didn't like it...

I don't think it's worth "worrying" about, but to Spanish friends rather than acquaintances, it may just as difficult/ uncomfortable _*not*_ to kiss as it is for you to kiss.


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## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

thrax said:


> mrypg9 said:
> 
> 
> > Wow! I knew you were getting on a bit - nearly as old as me - but somehow I didn't put you in the 19th century. Did you ever get that audience with Victoria??
> ...


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## Guest (Jan 19, 2011)

Pesky Wesky said:


> Well, actually it has come up with an American friend of mine and her Spanish friends, and did become a bit of a "thing", which I think is understandable. You meet a group of friends on a regular basis. You go around greeting them, which is Spain means kissing, and you get to Kathy the non Kisser. You say Hi and don't kiss. It's totally un natural in Spain to not greet your friends with a kiss. It's an action that stands out, and they didn't like it...


I think I screwed up today when I gave the female very distant family members in law besos but didn't give besos to the men. American logic told me that I'd already said hello to the men! 

Gosh, I'm too guiri sometimes. 

We had a really interesting discussion about this in class the other day. My co-teacher, who is Spanish, claims the Spanish kiss far too much. I laughed as he imitated the neighbor's little son who refuses to kiss people. Co-worker then told us he applauded the boy's decision because, what the heck, why do we need to kiss our neighbors? 

I'm going to start baking people apple pies instead. Authentic American greeting gesture there, don'tcha know? :kiss::kiss:


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## Sonrisa (Sep 2, 2010)

Alcalaina said:


> OK, with you so far. But what I get most confused about, is who kisses whom?


I don't know acutally. I don't think that much thougth is put in to who kisses who. I guess the one with the slowest kissing technique stays in the receiving end? :confused2:

I would feel uncomfortable if a bank manager or my painter kissed me. It's just not right.


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## Sonrisa (Sep 2, 2010)

"We had a really interesting discussion about this in class the other day. My co-teacher, who is Spanish, claims the Spanish kiss far too much. I laughed as he imitated the neighbor's little son who refuses to kiss people. Co-worker then told us he applauded the boy's decision because, what the heck, why do we need to kiss our neighbors? "

All part of the North/South divide. South is much more touchy and kissykissy than the cooler and more reserved north.


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

Actually some of the worst offenders are newly-arrived Brits who want to prove how "Spanish" they have become ...


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## bob_bob (Jan 5, 2011)

The whole ' kiss kiss' thing is popular now in the UK, I don't go for it to be honest, hug and kiss the family fine, anyone else gets a hand shake. BUT, if in a country where its the norm then I'll use it where appropriate if I thought not doing so could offend.


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## Beachcomber (May 10, 2009)

Just remember the golden rule... NO TONGUES.


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## Olddutch (Jan 18, 2011)

Alcalaina said:


> I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right.
> 
> When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?
> 
> We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


LOL! I'm Dutch, and in Holland they do the three kiss thing too! I have lived outside Holland for many years and when I go back there I always get caught out.


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## christykelly (Jan 10, 2011)

Alcalaina said:


> I don't mean the thing you do with your beloved (I don't have a problem with that), I mean the two-cheeks _besitos _business when you are introduced to someone or meet them in the street. I never seem to get it right.
> 
> When is it appropriate? When is it NOT appropriate? Who should be the kisser and who the kissee? Do you actually make contact or is it a _mwah_ thing? Will people think I'm rude if I just offer my hand before they come looming towards me, lips pursed, or just excuse me because I'm British?
> 
> We have a Belgian couple here and they do it THREE times. Sometimes when their family comes to visit and we all meet up down the pub, it can take fifteen minutes to get through everyone!


Dont worry I get confused all the time, dont think i could handle 3 times


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

christykelly said:


> Dont worry I get confused all the time, dont think i could handle 3 times


I was wondering christykelly, as your partner is Spanish, and probably has Spanish friends in Ireland, when you meet up do you get into the kissing frenzy or not? And what about here when you meet her family and friends here?
Like I said before, it's just as uncomfortable for the Spanish to not kiss you as it is for Brits to let themselves get kissed. At New Year, after the 12 dongs from the Puerta del Sol, we then have to kiss everyone in the room and wish them Happy New Year. There were 23 people this year!!


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## christykelly (Jan 10, 2011)

Pesky Wesky said:


> I was wondering christykelly, as your partner is Spanish, and probably has Spanish friends in Ireland, when you meet up do you get into the kissing frenzy or not? And what about here when you meet her family and friends here?
> Like I said before, it's just as uncomfortable for the Spanish to not kiss you as it is for Brits to let themselves get kissed. At New Year, after the 12 dongs from the Puerta del Sol, we then have to kiss everyone in the room and wish them Happy New Year. There were 23 people this year!!


Well with family and close friends its straight away no questions asked, but with not close friends and family I do be confused, I would wait for them or a nudge from the girlfriend. 

23 people o god.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

christykelly said:


> Well with family and close friends its straight away no questions asked, but with not close friends and family I do be confused, I would wait for them or a nudge from the girlfriend.
> 
> 23 people o god.


After the 8th or 9th you get into the swing of it!!

There are times, at a large gathering when I'll back off and try giving a general hello, but it doesn't go down too well. 
You can always claim some terrible illness. That usually works!


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## christykelly (Jan 10, 2011)

Pesky Wesky said:


> After the 8th or 9th you get into the swing of it!!
> 
> There are times, at a large gathering when I'll back off and try giving a general hello, but it doesn't go down too well.
> You can always claim some terrible illness. That usually works!


Thats a good one have not tried that one.

Talkin to the girlfriend, she said that if you only give a handshake that could be considered rude, you have to go to the left cheak. Ah its not the worst thing in the world, I always have an apoligy ready if I mess it up with a smile.
I think if you make an effert and mess it up they dont mind, but if you dont well...

She likes the idea of the apple tart, but havin apple tart in your pocket all day could be messy


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> After the 8th or 9th you get into the swing of it!!
> 
> There are times, at a large gathering when I'll back off and try giving a general hello, but it doesn't go down too well.
> You can always claim some terrible illness. That usually works!


Yes, in the swine flu scare last year the health minister was advising people to cut out the kissing.


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## jimenato (Nov 21, 2009)

We're in England for a few days and last night we met up with some old friends in the pub. They were all kissing like crazy, same as Spain, twice - right to right then left to left.


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