# American Woman moving to Dubai with Lebanese husband



## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

I am currently living in the USA with my Lebanese husband. I have never been to the middle east but due to recent events in my husbands' family. He wants to move to Dubai. We had planned on staying in the USA for about five years and visiting the middle east and maybe planning on moving to Lebanon after a while. But now things have changed and moving to Dubai was thrown on me. Can anybody tell me how Is living in Dubai? Especially for an American woman? I am not Muslim as of now, but I do follow a lot of Islamic traditions and rules. What will it be like for me? Is there anything for a woman to do during the day over there?


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## TallyHo (Aug 21, 2011)

Plenty of American-Lebanese in Dubai. 

Most of the dual nationalities tend to be Lebanese Christians. But Dubai is a laid back place where religion is less important than in other places in the Middle East. 

The one thing I do have to caution you about is that there's a strong trend of liberal, progressive Muslims living in the West who move to the Middle East and suddenly becoming much more conservative, especially if he has a traditional Muslim family around him. This can become problematic once you have children. 




elarmali said:


> I am currently living in the USA with my Lebanese husband. I have never been to the middle east but due to recent events in my husbands' family. He wants to move to Dubai. We had planned on staying in the USA for about five years and visiting the middle east and maybe planning on moving to Lebanon after a while. But now things have changed and moving to Dubai was thrown on me. Can anybody tell me how Is living in Dubai? Especially for an American woman? I am not Muslim as of now, but I do follow a lot of Islamic traditions and rules. What will it be like for me? Is there anything for a woman to do during the day over there?


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## Saint Ari (Oct 1, 2010)

Living in Dubai is pretty laid back ... you'll be fine.

Don't expect American quality customer service ... and expect the occassional intense olfactory emanation.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

He is pretty conservative already. No alcohol, smoking, eating pork, and I wear pretty conservative clothing. And we only eat Halel meat. And there are many other behaviors we follow. Hopefully he doesn't change, we will see I guess.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Dubai is NOT Lebanon. I believe that Dubai tests relationships. People are a product of their environment. While being more open minded in the US, thinking can change in Dubai, especially for Muslims. 

I can speak from my own experience. Hubby is Egyptian Muslim and at one point I realized that he was becoming a product of his (Islamic/Arab) environment - in his thinking and behavior towards me. It got to a point that I didn't recognize the person I first married. After discussing it with him and telling him that, in my view, he was going backwards, and that I wasn't going to settle/accept his behavior or change because it's what he wanted, I was leaving and returning to the States and would look to get a divorce. This rattled him to the core and I got back the man I married. A number of American women have gone through the same, but unfortunately the outcome was different and they returned to the States. Your husband is your sponsor. 

If you have children understand that you will live in a country where Islamic law rules. Your marriage will probably hit a few bumps in the road, but if it can't get back on track, and you want to leave the marriage and return to the states, your husband automatically will get custody over the children. It would only be his choice if you get custody. You will either be forced to stay in Dubai to be with your children or return to the states without them. Some husbands will allow the mother to take the children back to the States (or wherever), but getting child support could be difficult. Please do you homework (Google is your friend) and understand where you are going and what you are getting yourself into. Too many women find out things after something happens.

I must admit, your saying that he was relocating to Dubai because of his family raised an eyebrow. Will he be supporting them as well? It appears that he and his family made the plans and only after they were made you were informed. Relocating to another country should be a joint decision, not a decision made by one person.

Good luck to you.


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## ramaroun (Aug 27, 2011)

Divorce him


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## ramaroun (Aug 27, 2011)

And look for someone who is liberal


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## Bon Bon (Dec 18, 2010)

ha ha ....


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

Good post sunset. I saw alarm bells as soon as I read "do follow a lot of islamic traditions" but isnt muslim... the all so fancy dancy way of arabic men to get a woman to do something without telling her she has to or making it seem like is a requirement. They are very good at that! 

If you venture out from the western enclaves (even in them though) the staring is atrocious and unrelenting. Almost makes a woman want to put on an abaya to escape it. The city is expensive and alot of people get caught up w the keeping with the jones's high life. Lots of different cultures live in dubai but there isnt alot of mixing between them. There isnt much of a middle class types and there is a huge divide between the have's and have nots. It is hard to digest. The weather is pretty horrible about 7 1/2 to 8 months out of the year. It is just now starting to cool down and nights are still a bit hot and sticky and will be for another 30 days or so before the 'nice' weather is here. It was 100F before 10am this morning and its Sept 24. Driving is hideous and going on the highway is like going on a race track except you have people who are oblivious they got onto a highway going 80km an hour whilst dealing with the 160km an hour maniacs (who will slam on their brakes to hold up a piece of paper with their phone number - tint your windows dark, fast... ). Shopping is the main thing to do and isnt fun shopping. Is department store western every mall in the world has it type china stuff but costs 1.5 to 3x the price of the stuff you will find in the usa. The western social life here seems to revolve a great deal around drinking (and spending). I dont have alot of western friends as I dont drink. It is easy to blow your budget and even though the salary might seem like quite a bit more, easy to have nothing left at the end of the month. The way animals are treated here is quite sad. I cant get used to it. Lack of respect for the locals from the expats and the locals to the expats. Vicious cirlce and can become a pissing contest. The prostitution here is everywhere here. Customer service is horrible. It is like calling Dell customer service, almost everytime you have contact anywhere with anyone in the service industry here... they speak english, kind of. Can venture out to the beach but I wouldnt alone if you are going to the free beaches. Weirdos and even worse.... 

Overall... as long as your husband doesnt go rogue on you, it will be a strange experience but you will live through it and make the decision if you could live in Lebanon. Good luck, but stay grounded. And if you like eating out... Get with Ari! He is our resident crazy american who could make anyone smile with his antics.


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## Mr Rossi (May 16, 2009)

And in the the real world...

The staring can be bad, but walk past a bus full of builders in any country and you are going to get looked at. Dress accordingly for your situation and you'll be fine in most areas of your life. My wife routinely walks through Satwa with no problems. 

The open beach can be a problem but has calmed down over the years as men fined for staring or loitering. Many people know there own 'secret' part of beach and there is the beach park which has life guards keeping roving packs of men away. Both undercover and uniformed police patrol the beach regularly if you feel you are under any threat.

There is a huge gap between rich and poor but there are many 'normal' people in between. There are loads of westerners here that live a 'modest' lifestyle of saving, not living to excess and enjoying a meal out or a drink around payday while stopping in with DVD's at the end of the month. 

Driving can be a nightmare but it's confined to certain areas - Dubai-AD and Sharjah Bypass being the worst. You'll get the odd idiot everywhere but going from The Creek to Mall Of Emirates isn't really that bad once you get used to it. 

As well as shopping and drinking you can also do scuba diving, golf, camping, dune bashing, jet ski ing, kite flying, boot camp, body toning, gym, spinning, swimming, pilates, tennis, squash, ski ing, snowboarding, cinema, photography, paint, team sports, fish, martial arts or volunteer for a charity. 

Prostitution is not everywhere and confined to handful of bars and clubs, everyone knows what ones these are so are easily avoided. Other bars may have one or two working girls in them from time to time while many to not allow any at all.

Customer service is pretty rubbish to be honest but again you persevere, if you're husband speaks Arabic, he will have a much easier time with government run bodies sorting out visas and DEWA.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

The reason hr wants to move back to Dubai is because his mother died and he has two little sisters and a little brother he wants to watch for. I honestly don't believe him wanting to move back is a conspiracy or anything. but I still appreciate the input. And it is not for sure decided yet, we are still talking about it. I am not sure if I am against it or not. Part of me is scared since it will be new and different. But part of me is excited of the chance for culture and something new.

And as for the Islamic traditions and rules that I do follow, these we talked about before we got married and I made the decision to continue with the marriage anyways. He did not spring them on me afterwards or anything. But that is not to say that I don't have a fear that he might change for the worse or try to make me start following rules we never discussed or that he will become really strict. I have heard stories and of course fear for this. I hope it doesn't happen, but I guess one never knows.

And I currently don't have children and am waiting a while to make sure I feel safe in the relationship and with the rules and culture.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

ramaroun said:


> Divorce him


Why? He has never done me wrong as of yet.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

elarmali said:


> The reason hr wants to move back to Dubai is because his mother died and he has two little sisters and a little brother he wants to watch for. I honestly don't believe him wanting to move back is a conspiracy or anything. but I still appreciate the input. And it is not for sure decided yet, we are still talking about it. I am not sure if I am against it or not. Part of me is scared since it will be new and different. But part of me is excited of the chance for culture and something new.
> 
> And as for the Islamic traditions and rules that I do follow, these we talked about before we got married and I made the decision to continue with the marriage anyways. He did not spring them on me afterwards or anything. But that is not to say that I don't have a fear that he might change for the worse or try to make me start following rules we never discussed or that he will become really strict. I have heard stories and of course fear for this. I hope it doesn't happen, but I guess one never knows.
> 
> And I currently don't have children and am waiting a while to make sure I feel safe in the relationship and with the rules and culture.


You have every right to be scared!!! Is the father alive?? Can't he manage taking care of the children? How old are these "children"? Would you be all be living under the same roof? If they were living in Lebanon would he be looking to go there to take care of them? Why doesn't the father return to Lebanon with the children where there is extended family that can help out? 

It seems to me that you would be taking on a family rather than creating your own. I can understand wanting to help family, but giving up your life to do that is to the extreme, especially if these "children" aren't youngsters and are capable of functioning in an adult world with one parent. You are probably going to be the woman of the house and responsible for taking care of the home and everyone in it so I don't think you have to worry about what you will be doing every day!! Maybe the father should hire a housemaid to do the things you will end up having to do. I doubt you will be a happy camper under those conditions. 

When I married hubby out of respect there were certain changes I made as they did not have a great impact on my life. Mostly it had to do with food - pork and ham was no longer welcomed into my home. (I would be lying if I told you I don't miss it!!). We observed Ramadan and Islamic holidays and we also had Christmas.

Does he have a job lined up? or does he plan on relocating and then looking for a job? The job market here is not healthy and it could take some time for him to find a job, if he finds one at all, depending on his field.

I think you have to dig deep and factor in everything. It appears that it isn't about you and him, but him and his family.

There is no way to determine if this would be a good or bad move for the two of you, but it seems that you will be taking on some baggage that most people who relocate to Dubai don't have to deal with.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

The father owns and operates a very successful business in Dubai. he can't go back to Lebanon or he would have to shut down his business which is the sole income for the family. And work is hard to find in Lebanon. And the father spends all day at work with his company. So there is nobody to really watch the children who are young. 3 and 10 years old. He has a maid to clean the house. And my husband would get a job either with his father or elsewhere. I do not have a job lined up as of now, but I don't really have to work either. My husband doesn't mind if I get a part time job if I want to tho. Something to keep me busy and maybe make some friends as I am adjusting. During Other times, I don't mind helping with the children. 

As for moving in itself, I don't mind that at all. I am done with school, was laid off from my job recently and have no children to worry about adjustment issues. I do have my mother and a few siblings that currently live within ten minutes of me, yet I never see them really except on holidays mostly. And not because I don't try. I am always trying to spend time with my mother and siblings but they are always busy doing their own thing and unfortunately my family was never big on getting together unlike me. So in that regards, I will probably see them about the same if I move since u will come back every summer and holidays if I can. Heck, maybe this will make them miss me and I will talk to them more.

The only things I am worried about is 1) it's an Islamic country which is very different than the USA, and 2) worried my husband will change for the worse. I don't think he will, or at least not drastically, but I would be foolish to ignore the horror stories. If my husband stays the good man he is, and if I can adjust to the more conservative Islamic culture/ lifestyle, I think I will actually be very happy, and have the big family I always wanted around me. Lol. In Shaa Allah!


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

You said that your hubby wants to relocate so that he can basically take care of his siblings. If the father works all day at his business and your husband works for his father, or elsewhere, he will probably be keeping the same hours, leaving you with the children. So exactly what is your husband's contribution to these children other than providing them with a caretaker, which is what you will be.

I think you are a young woman who will do whatever it takes to please your husband, and that includes talking yourself into accepting the situation and convincing yourself that good things can come from the situation - for you that is, and it's just Dubai and the fear of your husband changing - and he will, but to what degree one can't say, that concerns you. It appears you are weighing the decision with your heart and not your mind.

When you talk about family, when the two of you married it was to start a family, not for you take on a family. I could see if these were his children, or siblings left without parents, but that is not the case. 

If you were my daughter, from what I know, heard, and have seen, I would say to her "don't do it". But it's your call, and should you go forward, I hope you don't regret it. Another thing you will need to do is learn to speak/understand Arabic because that will be the spoken language in the home and socially and you will become invisible to those around you as you will be left out of conversations. 

Edited to add: I just saw another post where you mention you are 23 and that your husband was born in Dubai and went to the US to continue his education, and never intended on staying in the States as it was always his intention to return to Dubai. By the way, "family" can be overrated (as you have found from your own experience) and that's universal.


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## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

I second the comment about learning to speak Arabic. When I was reading the OP's most recent post, that's exactly what I thought. You will be living in a household where everyone will naturally speak in their mother tongue, no matter how hard they try, they will slip back into it. Start leaning now, for sure you are going to need it.

There is no doubt YOU will be the one looking after the kids, it's clear as day and, in the extended family that is common in this part of the world, that is would be expected of you as the daughter in law.

Last, but not least, part time work is non-existent here. Unless it's with the family business. I guess you drive? After school runs and after-school activities will take up quite a lot of your time. Do you know where you will be living?


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## loca (Feb 22, 2011)

And just to add, not that I'm married yet, but I have dated 2 Muslim men before (engaged to one even), and I believe you are expected to raise those children in the Muslim tradition. 

They were born and raised Muslim until now, as you will be the female figure with them "every day", so you will be expected to continue teaching and raising them in that religion, and since you are not Muslim yet, your husband and even father-in-law might "request" you to convert. And IMHO this should be done on your freewill, for your own convictions, not to please your in-law's family or to raise your husband's siblings.

So my piece of advice would be: imagine the worst, imagine all your fears about your husband changing, your new family ignoring you because you don't speak the language, "forcing" you to convert to Islam, being forced to be indoors raising your husbands siblings all day, the new country being lonely and whatever comes to your mind... if you can live with it, then no problems because it might not all change for the bad... but at least you would be prepared for some changes. If you can not live with those changes then best if you don't do the moving yet, until you are ready.


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

elarmali said:


> The father owns and operates a very successful business in Dubai. he can't go back to Lebanon or he would have to shut down his business which is the sole income for the family. And work is hard to find in Lebanon. And the father spends all day at work with his company. So there is nobody to really watch the children who are young. 3 and 10 years old. He has a maid to clean the house. And my husband would get a job either with his father or elsewhere. I do not have a job lined up as of now, but I don't really have to work either. My husband doesn't mind if I get a part time job if I want to tho. Something to keep me busy and maybe make some friends as I am adjusting. During Other times, I don't mind helping with the children.
> 
> As for moving in itself, I don't mind that at all. I am done with school, was laid off from my job recently and have no children to worry about adjustment issues. I do have my mother and a few siblings that currently live within ten minutes of me, yet I never see them really except on holidays mostly. And not because I don't try. I am always trying to spend time with my mother and siblings but they are always busy doing their own thing and unfortunately my family was never big on getting together unlike me. So in that regards, I will probably see them about the same if I move since u will come back every summer and holidays if I can. Heck, maybe this will make them miss me and I will talk to them more.
> 
> The only things I am worried about is 1) it's an Islamic country which is very different than the USA, and 2) worried my husband will change for the worse. I don't think he will, or at least not drastically, but I would be foolish to ignore the horror stories. If my husband stays the good man he is, and if I can adjust to the more conservative Islamic culture/ lifestyle, I think I will actually be very happy, and have the big family I always wanted around me. Lol. In Shaa Allah!


well, i'm not going to beat about the bush and will say it directly: you have no support system in the states, i.e. you are financially dependent on your hubby, and, sorry to put it blantly, you don't sound like you're dying to start a career on your own, or are very close to your blood relatives, so what choices you got there?

i'm not quite sure you want to have a choice. 

my .5 ...


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## CrowdedHouse (Feb 22, 2011)

I know you said you don't have children yet, but i would strongly suggest you read up on Sharia law and its implications on child custody and divorce. As liberal is it is here, the UAE is still an Islamic country and it's best to be prepared for everything. Definitely get some real legal/financial advice to make sure you aren't left out in the cold in case something bad happens.

That being said, it's not hard for Americans living here. There is the American Women's Association, plenty of American brands (food, clothing and restaurants), etc. There is a varied ethnic mix and it's also relatively safe (other than petty crimes in certain areas and traffic violations).


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

cami said:


> well, i'm not going to beat about the bush and will say it directly: you have no support system in the states, i.e. you are financially dependent on your hubby, and, sorry to put it blantly, you don't sound like you're dying to start a career on your own, or are very close to your blood relatives, so what choices you got there?
> 
> i'm not quite sure you want to have a choice.
> 
> my .5 ...


My mother was a stay at home mom and I don't see anything wrong with that. And I have a college degree and professional work experience to fall back on if I need it. But no, I don't want a career as I would prefer to stay at home and raise my children. This is something women do in all religions and cultures. I am not lazy by any means or not able to find a way for myself. I just really believe in the family unit and believe it's best for children. And my husband has no problem with me working and I had a full time job until just recently when I was laid off. 

And before I got married, I lived with my mother and she would also allow me back home and help me out financially if I needed it... I said my family is not the hang out time, not good at communication and not the real close knit type I would like to have. I never said they wouldn't help me out if needed. They are all very busy people and always do their own thing, workaholics to say the least. But I can always come home. My family may not hang out a lot, but they always help with money or resources if needed. So I under no circumstance have to rely on my husband. I am choosing to be with him because I love him and he treats me with respect and shows me love.


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## cami (Aug 11, 2010)

elarmali said:


> My mother was a stay at home mom and I don't see anything wrong with that. And I have a college degree and professional work experience to fall back on if I need it. But no, I don't want a career as I would prefer to stay at home and raise my children. This is something women do in all religions and cultures. I am not lazy by any means or not able to find a way for myself. I just really believe in the family unit and believe it's best for children. And my husband has no problem with me working and I had a full time job until just recently when I was laid off.
> 
> And before I got married, I lived with my mother and she would also allow me back home and help me out financially if I needed it... I said my family is not the hang out time, not good at communication and not the real close knit type I would like to have. I never said they wouldn't help me out if needed. They are all very busy people and always do their own thing, workaholics to say the least. But I can always come home. My family may not hang out a lot, but they always help with money or resources if needed. So I under no circumstance have to rely on my husband. I am choosing to be with him because I love him and he treats me with respect and shows me love.


this is a completely different voice and mindset. you sound quite determined this time, and full of confidence in your own capabilities, as well as in the people around you.

based on what you have written here, i don't think you have a problem (anymore)accepting to follow your hubby, come to dubai, join the rest of his family, and have a happy / content life. 

whatever you decide, may God guide you. i've seen too many women crying their eyes out after coming here. i honestly hope you won't be one of them.

good luck!


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

cami said:


> i've seen too many women crying their eyes out after coming here.


Would love to know why so. Sorry guys, but I really don't get the reasoning behind making it look like a nightmare for an american woman, moving to Dubai. I don't see that at all.

The place is as liberal as can be (except if things go wrong with your husband and you decide on divorce.... custody may become an issue... and the hotter weature of course).

I agree with what "CrowdedHouse" said.... and to be honest, it all depends on how straight forward and honest your husband is... in that he is liberal as he is and isn't planning to change later on... I don't know about him, but I wouldn't allow my family or anyone to interfere in my personal life or force their opinions on me.

My advice: maybe try to visit the place first for a short time, get to know the city, people here and meet his family of course..... then decide if you wanna stay here or not (not sure if that is an option in your situation).... but in general, insinuate to him that you are a lil hesitant or afraid.... then he might propose a (see it before you decide) option.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

Thank you Nirvana!

I agree exactly. Ironically, I started this thread just curious as to how life was in Dubai, for all people. I was hoping people could tell me what it's like and what there is to do locally outside of bars and clubs. 

We are not absolutely positive if we are moving for sure, it's just something we plan on doing if things go well. We will visit Dubai in November and stay a while to see if I like it and feel comfortable there.

And I am taking Arabic classes to be able to speak the language. I have no intention of being an invisible outsider.


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

elarmali said:


> And I am taking Arabic classes to be able to speak the language. I have no intention of being an invisible outsider.


I also don't think you really need to learn Arabic that much. Everyone here speaks English with each other, even Arabs (for some strange reason .. I guess the environment or something imposed it). 

It is not like in Egypt, Syria...etc. or other Arab countries where you will need Arabic to get through your daily activities. It is Dubai and it is made to be an international city of many different nationalities. It is easier for all of them if they just made English prominent.

Many times when two Arab people meet each other the first time (if they aren't wearing a traditional Arab costume), they speak English with each other and only realize later on that both of them are Arabs so they can switch to Arabic if they want. lol

Yes, Arabic might be the mother language of your hub's parents, but for sure they understand and speak English as well. I say only bother learning Arabic if your hub's family are really not that good with English. Given they are Lebanese, they might be more into French, so find out.. lol 

Good Luck!


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## TallyHo (Aug 21, 2011)

The issue isn't so much about an American woman moving to Dubai but an American woman from (presumably) a non-Muslim background moving to the Middle East with a conservative Muslim husband.

Plenty of American women move here with their American husbands and are just fine and dandy. But many of us have seen American (and other Western) women move here with an Arabic husband only to see their husbands suddenly become much more conservative, or rather,'traditional' and expect their wives and children to conform to a much more conservative Muslim lifestyle. These relationships often end up in tears.

While Dubai is indeed a liberal place compared to the rest of the Middle East, it isn't so much a melting pot but a place of cultural groups jostling with one another. A typical Western expat lives almost wholly within the western expat sphere and his day to day life can be not dissimilar from home, surrounded by people with the same attitudes and mindsets and expectations. But those mindsets are not the same for other people in Dubai, who live within their own cultural groups. There are plenty of conservative Muslims in Dubai whose worlds are invisible to the western expat and within those worlds the expectations and attitudes are extremely different.

The OP just needs to be aware of this. 



Nirvana said:


> Would love to know why so. Sorry guys, but I really don't get the reasoning behind making it look like a nightmare for an american woman, moving to Dubai. I don't see that at all.
> 
> The place is as liberal as can be (except if things go wrong with your husband and you decide on divorce.... custody may become an issue... and the hotter weature of course).
> 
> ...


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

Good post Tally...


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Nirvana said:


> I also don't think you really need to learn Arabic that much. Everyone here speaks English with each other, even Arabs (for some strange reason .. I guess the environment or something imposed it).
> 
> It is not like in Egypt, Syria...etc. or other Arab countries where you will need Arabic to get through your daily activities. It is Dubai and it is made to be an international city of many different nationalities. It is easier for all of them if they just made English prominent.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree with you. She will be living with a Lebanese family, and it is common knowledge that people tend to stay within their own community, which would mean that even socially she will be in a Lebanese environment. In that case either French or Arabic will be spoken as both seem to be the two languages widely spoken in Lebanon. 

Being left out of conversations in social and family gatherings is a common complaint I hear from women who don't speak/understand Arabic who are involved in a relationship with someone who is Arab.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Excellent post Tallyho.

A brief visit to Dubai isn't going to reveal very much. 

Having gotten more info from a post from the OP in another thread I would like to add:

I'm sure when you visit in November everything is going to be all happy happy. It's one thing to visit a situation, it's another to live it. I think if you make a permanent move to Dubai you will come to realize that your father-in-law runs his home the same way he runs his employees and business - based on manipulation, distrust and control. It's unlikely you will get a clear and true picture of it in the short time that you spend in Dubai in November, but keep your ears and eyes open as you may see glimmers of it.


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## minnos (Aug 17, 2009)

Sunset said:


> I think if you make a permanent move to Dubai you will come to realize that your father-in-law runs his home the same way he runs his employees and business - based on manipulation, distrust and control.


Another point that disturbed me deeply in Dubai (and caused me two resignations) was the way certain nationalities treat people who work for them (maids, cleaning ladies, drivers, waiters, etc). I just couldn't stand witnessing this abuse. 

Other than that, Dubai has lots of activity options, lots of groups to join to socialise. If your husbands family has no problem with you being active outside the house, then I don't think you will be bored. You may even take it as an opportunity to focus on personal development, learning Arabic, French, cooking or even some additional academic degree.

Taking care of children from a different culture is a real challenge, but who knows, maybe they will be happy that the children are exposed to some aspects of American culture.

This is a very personal issue. We don't know your husband or his family, we can only guess. You need to keep your eyes wide open for any cue and try not to be blinded by love, affection, compassion, etc. Having done that, noone can know if their husband will change in time, so always have a B plan at hand although you trust him very much (every married woman needs that I think).


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

minnos said:


> .........so always have a B plan at hand although you trust him very much (every married woman needs that I think).


A B plan which includes having some money stashed away!!!


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

Sunset said:


> Sorry, but I have to strongly disagree with you. She will be living with a Lebanese family, and it is common knowledge that people tend to stay within their own community, which would mean that even socially she will be in a Lebanese environment. In that case either French or Arabic will be spoken as both seem to be the two languages widely spoken in Lebanon.
> 
> Being left out of conversations in social and family gatherings is a common complaint I hear from women who don't speak/understand Arabic who are involved in a relationship with someone who is Arab.


Yes, that's why I said she has to find out (since they are lebanese).. french maybe their thing..... however, most people of other nationalities here (even some lebanese) can speak and understand english, so she MIGHT not need to learn the whole Arabic language to adapt. 

I am a male and haven't been in her place before, but I am certain that good communication is key in everything. If the parents have been in Dubai for a while, then there is a big chance they speak english as well.


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

Sunset said:


> A B plan which includes having some money stashed away!!!


lol yeah.. this is the default plan for almost everything.


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## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

Nirvana, if you go back on the thread you will see that the reason she may have to come to live here is that her mother in law died and the family need someone to look after the husband's siblings. It's not just a straightforward case of coming to live here and the husband having family here.


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

I am quite curious how long the OP has been married.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Nirvana said:


> Yes, that's why I said she has to find out (since they are lebanese).. french maybe their thing..... however, most people of other nationalities here (even some lebanese) can speak and understand english, so she MIGHT not need to learn the whole Arabic language to adapt.
> 
> I am a male and haven't been in her place before, but I am certain that good communication is key in everything. If the parents have been in Dubai for a while, then there is a big chance they speak english as well.


She is thinking about coming to Dubai for a very different reason than most people do. Essentially she will be here to take care of her father-in-law's home and raise her huband's siblings - bottom line. As suggested read the posts on this thread from the beginning.

Lebanese are proficient in three languages: French, Arabic and English. I have yet to meet a Lebanese person who doesn't speak good, if not excellent, English. It has been my experience that when Lebanese socialize together the will speak French, if there are other Arabs present from other regions where Arabic is their first language, the Lebanese will converse in Arabic. This girl will be living in an Arabic environment and more than likely the majority of the people she will be socializing will be Lebanese/Arab. It will be only natural for French or Arabic to be the languages spoken.

It has been my experience (over the course of 22 years) that when Arabs get together, regardless of where they come from and regardless of how good their command of the English language is, conversations are held in Arabic with a few sprinkles of English thrown in. I socialize with many locals and I have found that they love speaking English - and they are the exception, in my opinion. Even if there is an Arab from another country who seems to want the conversation to go in an Arabic direction, the locals will respond in English. Now I don't know if it is just good manners on the part of the locals, but they don't carry on conversations in Arabic in my presence.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Jynxgirl said:


> I am quite curious how long the OP has been married.


Highly doubt it's be very long as she is 23.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

Been married for a year. Knew him for two years before that as a friend as we went to school together.

Nobody in the family speaks French, only Arabic and half the family speaks English.

And again. I am not going to watch or raise the kids. I never said that, my husband never said that, nobody said that. Yes, My husband wants to be near his family during this sad time. He wants to be near his younger siblings. And I don't mind watching them occasionally or spending time with them, but they are not my responsibility. And if I needed any more validation of that fact, I found out yesterday that the mother's sister (the aunt) and her husband are moving to Dubai close by the fathers house to help out with the children during the day when the father is at work.


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

That is very good news and I think we all wish you the best  

Enjoy the culture differences. You will get the opportunity to be involved in a setting that many western expats living in the uae never get the chance to.


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## elarmali (Sep 21, 2011)

Thank you!


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## Tropicana (Apr 29, 2010)

minnos said:


> Another point that disturbed me deeply in Dubai (and caused me two resignations) was the way certain nationalities treat people who work for them (maids, cleaning ladies, drivers, waiters, etc). I just couldn't stand witnessing this abuse.


The ones i know who indulge in it justify it by saying "this is the way it is in Dubai", "if you treat them well, they are not scared of you " "they need to be kept in their places" etc..


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

Tropicana said:


> The ones i know who indulge in it justify it by saying "this is the way it is in Dubai", "if you treat them well, they are not scared of you " "they need to be kept in their places" etc..


There is no justification for treating someone working for you badly.

What they should do is treat them good but keep the limits. I.E. not too much laughing with them or trying to make them your close friends.


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

In what world do you not laugh and have a civil friendship relationship with your boss and coworkers???? 

Those statements are what amaze me about a certain womans forum for uae/dubai... The western expats come here and just fall right in line with this warped way of thinking that you must be the master and them the slave. Is very sad.

We are off topic  and going to get our hands slapped...


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## Nirvana (Jun 11, 2011)

Jynxgirl said:


> In what world do you not laugh and have a civil friendship relationship with your boss and coworkers????


I said not too much laughing and don't try to make them your best friends. Ie. don't try to mix business with friendship, personal matters and other stuff. But being human, chatting and laughing once in a while is ok. Just keep the limits.



> Those statements are what amaze me about a certain womans forum for uae/dubai... The western expats come here and just fall right in line with this warped way of thinking that you must be the master and them the slave. Is very sad.


Never said they should be slaves or they should be treated badly. Just keep the limits. And trust me, I'm saying this from experience. In the UAE it is taken to a bad level I believe (even to abuse), but simply keeping the limits is a universal thing applied everywhere. 



> We are off topic  and going to get our hands slapped...


Yes we are... lol sorry OP.


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## Sunset (Jan 24, 2011)

Jynxgirl said:


> Those statements are what amaze me about a certain womans forum for uae/dubai... The western expats come here and just fall right in line with this warped way of thinking that you must be the master and them the slave. Is very sad.
> 
> We are off topic  and going to get our hands slapped...


I couldn't resist.

From what I read on a certain women's forum is that the western women treat the "help" as if she was a "member of the family". At least that's until the relocate and that "member of the family" is left behind. 


:focus:


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## CrowdedHouse (Feb 22, 2011)

Jynxgirl said:


> In what world do you not laugh and have a civil friendship relationship with your boss and coworkers????
> 
> Those statements are what amaze me about a certain womans forum for uae/dubai... The western expats come here and just fall right in line with this warped way of thinking that you must be the master and them the slave. Is very sad.
> 
> We are off topic  and going to get our hands slapped...


While I tend to agree with you in a general context (bosses and coworkers can be friendly), you are American (as I am), and we aren't used to the idea of household help like Brits, Indians, and other nationalities are. It has been their lifestyle for hundreds of years. What may seem cold and abnormal is status quo to them.

There is a HUGE difference between being an employer in a typical job setting and an employer of domestic help who lives in your home. You absolutely, unequivocally must treat them differently. Not unfairly, mind you.

But the lines between boss and worker are easily blurred when someone gets too close personally. Think of it like this. Would you ever like to hire a friend and be their boss? Then on top of that, have that friend living with you 24/7 and ... cleaning your toilets?

It can get complicated right? Anyhow....:focus:


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## CVDS (May 10, 2011)

Nirvana said:


> I said not too much laughing and don't try to make them your best friends. Ie. don't try to mix business with friendship, personal matters and other stuff. But being human, chatting and laughing once in a while is ok. Just keep the limits.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I think you make a very valid point here. I do not have household help but I have many friends that do- It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that most people have help because in the US that just isn't heard of except in the extremely wealthy. Here most normal families have some kind of help and it was put to me just as you did- As American's we are not used to the idea of live in staff- But as one of my friends put it to me "The servants here chose to be servants and this is the life they came here to live. Treat them with respect and kidness but do not get close to them or you will be taken advantage of!"


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## Zunzun (Jan 11, 2012)

elarmali said:


> I am currently living in the USA with my Lebanese husband. I have never been to the middle east but due to recent events in my husbands' family. He wants to move to Dubai. We had planned on staying in the USA for about five years and visiting the middle east and maybe planning on moving to Lebanon after a while. But now things have changed and moving to Dubai was thrown on me. Can anybody tell me how Is living in Dubai? Especially for an American woman? I am not Muslim as of now, but I do follow a lot of Islamic traditions and rules. What will it be like for me? Is there anything for a woman to do during the day over there?


Elarmali…Browsing over topics I found yours, I went thru everything to make sure I didn’t miss a thing. I’m wondering how are things with you? Did you finally move to Dubai?
Reading most of these posts made me feel people have lots of resentment toward Arab men or culture?
Anyways, let me give you my grain of salt without offending anyone.
No, not all Arab men are the same and marriage is a serious commitment, you married him for a reason, so you should trust your husband unless he gives you reason not to. 
I’ve known backwards men in every culture including Arab men, in USA doing volunteer work for the batter women shelter; I’ve seen it all from any culture/religion/ethnic background, so a**holes come in any package.
That being said, it doesn’t matter if UAE is “westernize” it is still a Muslim Country and you should abide by their rules, as we expect foreign people to adjust and respect our American culture.
In America a woman wearing a burqa gets heads turned, people think she is oppressed, in a Muslim country a woman wearing a revealing outfit is seen as cheap.
I think is great that you are supportive of your husband in such a difficult time but also look after yourself, have all your documents in order and have money aside in case you decide to return to the States.
My husband is from Morocco, I’ve been married 8 years and I’ve never regretted my decision to marry him. He is a man of integrity.
We‘ve been and stayed in Morocco over the years, the only thing that changed while there was the PDA and I found my independence somehow compromised since I couldn’t overcome the fear of driving in the insane Rabat traffic (minor fender bender) where no one seems to respect driving laws, so I had to ask my husband or brother in law to drive me around to run errands. 
Nothing is life is a sure thing, and you can only make a decision based on your own experiences.
I hope you are doing well wherever you are


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