# About Fitting In



## tonytan (Nov 13, 2010)

Hi there!

I'll be moving to England from Singapore in about 9 months time to pursue my tertiary education for a good 4 years (which university still remains to be seen, though I've got a feeling I'll end up studying in either London or Coventry). 

Given the extraordinary length of time between now and then, instead of wasting it, I thought I'd read up around the internet on what to expect when I arrive in Britain in order to lessen the impact of a "culture shock". The information that I've managed to gather so far about the cost of living, transportation etc. has been very detailed, but an area which I've found lacking or my questions unanswered was the part on British Culture and its people. Now obviously, there's a difference between reading a rosy picture about Britain from a site promoting it and reading about it from a person's perspective at the ground level.

My main question is that I'm very much concerned about being able to fit in and assimilated into the British culture and way of life. Is there any tip or advice, besides living there, to prepare or ease my transition into the British community like eg. watching the BBC channel or going for a course to work on my accent (which after 6 years in Singapore is still 60% American?) that has been helpful to you when you first started out living in England? What are British people like and what should if I want to build a network of friends there? 

I'm appreciative of any advice or help that you can offer me.

So I'm all ears!


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## jdripper (Nov 13, 2010)

I've only been to Singapore once, but I don't think you'll experience a massive culture shock.
As a student you'll have many opportunities to meet locals (students) and learn about the culture from them.

If you really really want to be more prepared for any culture differences, check out this book :
Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour
by Kate Fox


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## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

tonytan said:


> Hi there!
> 
> I'll be moving to England from Singapore in about 9 months time to pursue my tertiary education for a good 4 years (which university still remains to be seen, though I've got a feeling I'll end up studying in either London or Coventry).
> 
> ...



There are various types of people and cultures in England, young, old, rich poor, happy, sad, peaceful, aggressive..... I'm sure thats the case in most countries!! The only way to "integrate" is to be yourself, do the things you enjoy and above all be friendly and open to those around you. You'll hopefully find that it wont be about culture or your accent, but about finding people/friends who enjoy the same things you do!

Jo xxx


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## Mix (Jul 18, 2010)

As jojo says, there are many types of people in England, from different regional and cultural backgrounds and of different ages. Your experiences are likely to vary as much by the group of individuals you happen to meet as anything else. Particularly as a student, you will be a member of a very diverse population - UK universities tend to have a lot of international students. Because university students are usually full-time, in the big university towns some people would say that they have their own culture separate from the "working population". The most apparent single determinant of "culture" you come across may be the subject you are studying (e.g. arts vs. sciences).

To build a network of friends I think the advice is always the same when entering a new university - try to be open-minded to both new people and experiences. Many other people (both local and international students) will also be feeling like strangers and unsure how to act to "fit in", so any friendly conversation will be welcomed. Even if you do not remain close friends with all those people during your time at the university, you will always feel more comfortable and accepted if you recognise a few people by sight as you walk around the campus. Although you may be worried about balancing academic and social activities, there is almost always room within the schedule of the first few weeks to attend the various "fresher" events, invest time in meeting people and building your social network.

Good luck!


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## tonytan (Nov 13, 2010)

Hey there Mix, jojo and jdripper

Thanks a lot for the advice you've provided! Would have thanked you earlier, but I've been busy lately.

Okay so I guess the good news is I don't have to adopt a british accent just to be understood, but what about vice versa? 

I'm particularly worried that I won't be able to comprehend what they're saying with their accent and use of slang words eg. the cockney rhyming slang. 

How did you cope with that when you first got to Britain?


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## nat21 (Oct 10, 2010)

tonytan said:


> My main question is that I'm very much concerned about being able to fit in and assimilated into the British culture and way of life. Is there any tip or advice, besides living there, to prepare or ease my transition into the British community like eg. watching the BBC channel or going for a course to work on my accent (which after 6 years in Singapore is still 60% American?) that has been helpful to you when you first started out living in England? What are British people like and what should if I want to build a network of friends there?
> 
> I'm appreciative of any advice or help that you can offer me.
> 
> So I'm all ears!



I was in your position 5 years ago. I moved from the US to study in London. Once I was accepted into uni and paid, my school sent a package with all the information I would need on moving to the UK (just looked for the book, but misplaced it) not sure if most universities do this though. 

I don't think that the cultural shock would be that strong for you, don't get me wrong it will be but have noticed that if the culture is very close to your own, then the slightest different is going to throw you off. I experienced this in Central London on Baker Street and started to cry. I was used to people walking on a certain side of the sidewalk and on the staircase in the subway and it wasn't the case there, I felt like I was in a stampede. 

I would recommend that you put yourself out there. Join groups in the school, that way you get to meet different people and it would be a good way to start your networking. Go to events that they school provides. Or you can join a meet-up groups, just good meet-up groups and find one that interest you, sign up and go to meetings. Thats also a great way to meet people.

The British people are just like people in any other country, you will find some people who are nice and some who are not (the librarian told me that I was a stupid American and then basically asked me to agree because I stated my DOB as month first and not date first), it depends on the person.


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## tonytan (Nov 13, 2010)

nat21 said:


> I don't think that the cultural shock would be that strong for you, don't get me wrong it will be but have noticed that if the culture is very close to your own, then the slightest different is going to throw you off. I experienced this in Central London on Baker Street and started to cry. I was used to people walking on a certain side of the sidewalk and on the staircase in the subway and it wasn't the case there, I felt like I was in a stampede.
> 
> I would recommend that you put yourself out there. Join groups in the school, that way you get to meet different people and it would be a good way to start your networking. Go to events that they school provides. Or you can join a meet-up groups, just good meet-up groups and find one that interest you, sign up and go to meetings. Thats also a great way to meet people.
> 
> The British people are just like people in any other country, you will find some people who are nice and some who are not (the librarian told me that I was a stupid American and then basically asked me to agree because I stated my DOB as month first and not date first), it depends on the person.


I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough time there Nat and thank you for sharing your experience with me. That librarian ought to be shot with no questions asked.


I guess one thing I'd have to adapt to from now on is being told right in the face that I'm not liked or the uncomfortable truth. Dare I say I can expect alot less sugar coated words from people who pretend to be your friends? That I'll always know who my real friends are?


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## nat21 (Oct 10, 2010)

tonytan said:


> I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough time there Nat and thank you for sharing your experience with me. That librarian ought to be shot with no questions asked.
> 
> 
> I guess one thing I'd have to adapt to from now on is being told right in the face that I'm not liked or the uncomfortable truth. Dare I say I can expect alot less sugar coated words from people who pretend to be your friends? That I'll always know who my real friends are?


It was a blast and wouldn't change a thing. I have no regrets. In the beginning it was hard, but once you adjust you will enjoy it. Like I said, you will meet nice people and people who are not so nice they are everywhere it doesn't matter where you go. I guess it the British humor and at first you might be a bit put off but you will get used to it. My best friend is British and she has that dry sarcastic humor (and sometimes people don't know when she's insulting them), but I find it amusing and we just banter back and forth (was told our banter is like a tennis match). I would just recommend that you not think too much about how your going to fit and instead just have fun and enjoy the experience of living in the UK, learning about a new culture and meeting new people.


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## jlms (May 15, 2008)

tonytan said:


> Hey there Mix, jojo and jdripper
> 
> Thanks a lot for the advice you've provided! Would have thanked you earlier, but I've been busy lately.
> 
> ...



Here I really recommend listening to UK Radio.

But not the BBC World Service, BBC Radio 3 or BBC Radio 4, that are wonderful to listen to, but that have a notion of which accent should be used that I would call peculiar 

Try BBC Radio 5 live (sports, news and talk shows, where you really hear all the accents of the UK), LBC (lots of right wing rabble rousers, but with typical working class accents) and some of the presenters in BBC Radio 1 and 2.

Don't forget that the BBC has lots of local Radio stations, better resource will be difficult to find.

But if you come to London don't worry, half of it are foreigners like you any way


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## anticuti (May 24, 2010)

*2 things for me*

I'm Chinese Australian, lived in Sydney for 15 yrs and moved to UK just 12 days ago on the working holiday visa.
There were plenty of UK people in Australia, so there's no problem for me to understand them (although still struggle a bit with Scottish and Irish accents, but who doesn't? hehe), and they understand what I'm saying, I guess i don't have any accent.

*Apart from adjusting to the time difference and temp* (more so for Singaporeans!!!), I found it difficult to get used to *their measurement system*, you know, they don't talk about metres and km, they use miles, foot, yard etc. So length and weight measurements you might want to check it out first and memorise a bit.
And their *coins* are kinda hard to recognise!
Good luck!


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## bluechan (Oct 21, 2010)

I'm a Thai born Australian (more of a banana though). I've travelled and lived all over the world. I don't think you have much to worry about. Just enjoy the experience. Like anticuti said. I would be more worried about the cold than the people. 

As for meeting people. Here's a good way to start. Find and join clubs (scuba diving for me). My friends (I knew before I left Australia) are God fearing types and make lots of friends in Church. 

But being a uni student will give you plenty of opportunity to make contacts. So be yourself, relax and have fun!

PS. if you bring over some nice Singapore/Malay ingredients you will make plenty of friends  Food in London has been pretty poor in my experience. Food is one thing you will most likely miss being a Singaporian. So yeah stock up and check the border regulations... You don't want to be the asian on the tellie being picked up for importing stuff you shouldn't, plenty of those already.

-Chan


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## Lilium Bella (Sep 7, 2010)

nat21 said:


> It was a blast and wouldn't change a thing. I have no regrets. In the beginning it was hard, but once you adjust you will enjoy it. Like I said, you will meet nice people and people who are not so nice they are everywhere it doesn't matter where you go. I guess it the British humor and at first you might be a bit put off but you will get used to it. My best friend is British and she has that dry sarcastic humor (and sometimes people don't know when she's insulting them), but I find it amusing and we just banter back and forth (was told our banter is like a tennis match). I would just recommend that you not think too much about how your going to fit and instead just have fun and enjoy the experience of living in the UK, learning about a new culture and meeting new people.


Hi, I moved to London a couple months ago. I'm Russian, but I was living in France for 5 years before moving here., and I lived in states prior to that. I gotta say, I hate this English banter. I really don't understand it, I think it's mean. When I was leaving from France, I thought I was moving away from sarcasm and cynics, but it's the same here. I noticed that people who are not working in competitive fields use much less of a banter, whereas fields like banking, etc. are feeding of banter. I gotta say communicating was much easier for me in states...


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## Hollie Rose (Nov 16, 2010)

You'll be fine with British people, as long as you mind your p's and q's you'll fit right in! you get all sorts of people everywhere, and British people are all different, depending on where you go people are more friendly, more polite and so on... But you'll be fine, honestly. One of my best friends moved here from Lithuania three years ago and she has fitted right in. She has lots of friends. And when she moved here she couldn't even speak any English! so don't you worry


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## Hollie Rose (Nov 16, 2010)

Lilium Bella said:


> Hi, I moved to London a couple months ago. I'm Russian, but I was living in France for 5 years before moving here., and I lived in states prior to that. I gotta say, I hate this English banter. I really don't understand it, I think it's mean. When I was leaving from France, I thought I was moving away from sarcasm and cynics, but it's the same here. I noticed that people who are not working in competitive fields use much less of a banter, whereas fields like banking, etc. are feeding of banter. I gotta say communicating was much easier for me in states...


British humour is different to the yank's humour, you probably found it easier in the states because they aren't very sarcastic and take their humour quite literally. I have family in the states and when I used to visit them I would find if I made a joke they would take it seriously and think I'm genuinely being insulting, which I wasn't. I have got the hang of their humour now, though.. And stick to the 'knock, knock' and 'not' jokes out there!

Us Brits often use insults to show our closeness, as well as in competitive fields, you'll find best friends will be having 'banter' together... It's all fun and games, just don't take it seriously. Give as good as you get! but laugh about it.  And French humour has nothing on ours haha!  - see, banter!


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## nat21 (Oct 10, 2010)

Lilium Bella said:


> Hi, I moved to London a couple months ago. I'm Russian, but I was living in France for 5 years before moving here., and I lived in states prior to that. I gotta say, I hate this English banter. I really don't understand it, I think it's mean. When I was leaving from France, I thought I was moving away from sarcasm and cynics, but it's the same here. I noticed that people who are not working in competitive fields use much less of a banter, whereas fields like banking, etc. are feeding of banter. I gotta say communicating was much easier for me in states...


The first thing to know about the British banter or banter in general is not to take it to heart, it's nothing personal. I rather enjoyed it because I'm the same way. I have noticed that a lot of people in the states don't get my sense of humor and take it personally and think that I am such a mean and horrible person.


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## fifinella (Dec 21, 2010)

nat21 said:


> It was a blast and wouldn't change a thing. I have no regrets. In the beginning it was hard, but once you adjust you will enjoy it. Like I said, you will meet nice people and people who are not so nice they are everywhere it doesn't matter where you go. I guess it the British humor and at first you might be a bit put off but you will get used to it. My best friend is British and she has that dry sarcastic humor (and sometimes people don't know when she's insulting them), but I find it amusing and we just banter back and forth (was told our banter is like a tennis match). I would just recommend that you not think too much about how your going to fit and instead just have fun and enjoy the experience of living in the UK, learning about a new culture and meeting new people.


How can you tell when they are being genuinely insulting and when they are just being "British"?
I have also had experiences where hurling abuse back has actually made them become friendly. Do you find this to be true?


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## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

fifinella said:


> How can you tell when they are being genuinely insulting and when they are just being "British"?



Its in the eyes!!! Theres usually a flicker of humour when we're being "British" The body language also shows if they're being insulting - turning away or taking on an aggressive stance! 

I always smile or laugh if I say something that could be taken the wrong way. Thats why on the forum I tend to use "lol" and xxx after my name quite a lot, simply so that people know that I'm being friendly 

Jo xxx


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## nat21 (Oct 10, 2010)

fifinella said:


> How can you tell when they are being genuinely insulting and when they are just being "British"?
> I have also had experiences where hurling abuse back has actually made them become friendly. Do you find this to be true?


You can tell a lot from a person's body language and the tone in which they are saying something. I am good at reading people...

I have not had that experience but I had a friend who had. She was living in London after graduation as she was married to a British national and worked for a large firm. She would always complain that her coworkers would insult her being an American and she would lose her temper and curse them out (she is a very sweet soft spoken individual who comes across as a push over but she's not). They would then think twice about what they said to her and were polite after.


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## Lilium Bella (Sep 7, 2010)

nat21 said:


> You can tell a lot from a person's body language and the tone in which they are saying something. I am good at reading people...
> 
> I have not had that experience but I had a friend who had. She was living in London after graduation as she was married to a British national and worked for a large firm. She would always complain that her coworkers would insult her being an American and she would lose her temper and curse them out (she is a very sweet soft spoken individual who comes across as a push over but she's not). They would then think twice about what they said to her and were polite after.


Yeah, but what's good in that? Is she's a sweet person and then must "curse them out" to avoid banter... and therefore to avoid communication... Because as far as I understand communication in large firms consists of banter.
My husband works in a bank, and he loves banter with his buddies, it looks like banter only hurts women. Coz I have a female friend who also works in a bank, and she's very upset with it. She's Russian like me and even her boss picks on her. Especially because she lives in a nice area, now they treat her as a person that's too rich. She came back once with a bag from Harrods (it was a present from a friend), and she immediately got a comment- Look who's being over paid here. How nice is that?


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## evelyna (Dec 14, 2010)

That was a quite good experience!!


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## InspectorClusoe (Dec 18, 2010)

The best thing to do to fit into English culture is to ignore it and assert that your own culture is more interesting. For example build a giant mosque where a hospital could have been built this kind of thing and complain to local counsellors because when you park your car with 2 wheels on the pavement or blocking access to private drives on a day when your mosque is open, you aresubjected to a horrific racist attack (in the form of a parking ticket). You will see in the space of weeks that traffic wardens do not approach your mosque. Don't bother with perfection of your English, since translation services costs for Doctors, free housing, etc are provided free to you at the expense to the tax payer and besides the English don't know how to speak their own language anyway. But it's not all free you know. You pay in your own way if you attend university you pay astronomical fees in relation to EU students (except this year even EU students pay the same astronmical fees! so fairs fair! Good luck wipe your feet on the way out of England


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## Hollie Rose (Nov 16, 2010)

Lilium Bella said:


> Yeah, but what's good in that? Is she's a sweet person and then must "curse them out" to avoid banter... and therefore to avoid communication... Because as far as I understand communication in large firms consists of banter.


 - good point. 



Lilium Bella said:


> My husband works in a bank, and he loves banter with his buddies, it looks like banter only hurts women. Coz I have a female friend who also works in a bank, and she's very upset with it. She's Russian like me and even her boss picks on her. Especially because she lives in a nice area, now they treat her as a person that's too rich. She came back once with a bag from Harrods (it was a present from a friend), and she immediately got a comment- Look who's being over paid here. How nice is that?


 - Your friend should have replied 'yep and look who's getting paid more than you' or something equally insulting. It isn't only women that are affected by banter when moving here from another country, I know of men who find it difficult to grasp. 

In person though, if it's banter people will laugh or smile...

Banter isn't personal, and shouldn't be taken that way. It might sound strange to anyone who has moved here from another country because I understand how it would come across alien if I weren't so used to it but British people genuinely use banter as a way of being friendly. British people will often use insults to show their closeness with people. And sometimes use insulting names to address their friends, but it's all a laugh...

My advice is if a brit starts using banter, just say something equally insulting and laugh, and you'll probably hit it off right away. Good luck people!


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## brierley1 (Apr 1, 2009)

*book*



jdripper said:


> I've only been to Singapore once, but I don't think you'll experience a massive culture shock.
> As a student you'll have many opportunities to meet locals (students) and learn about the culture from them.
> 
> If you really really want to be more prepared for any culture differences, check out this book :
> ...


hey i saw your reference to this book-saw it in a shop window, and just managed to read it! as an american expat in UK, i wish i would have read it 5 years ago! great insights thanks


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