# sin sot



## Guest

Hello fellow ex-pats,

I recently proposed to my thai girlfriend of a year. It was received well by her family. Any thoughts on sin sot? I've read that the amount should be 10% of one's liquid assets. Thanks for your time.


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## wazza

jpippy68 said:


> Hello fellow ex-pats,
> 
> I recently proposed to my thai girlfriend of a year. It was received well by her family. Any thoughts on sin sot? I've read that the amount should be 10% of one's liquid assets. Thanks for your time.


I am a bit of a sceptic about this , I know its there custom but it seems to be up there when its a falang involved,I would be carefull if you pay go small,it can be a money grab by the family,not knowing how she is ,are you going to live near the family , if she wants to get away from the family hold, she'll accept nothing.


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## JWilliamson

Good luck with you beliefs! JW


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## Song_Si

there was an article in yesterday's B Post re a Thai tv 'star' lowering her sinsot from 5million to 1 million 'by negotiation'
that's quite a drop!

I've never heard that percentage rate before, but have heard of some big pyouts from farang all carried away with what they believe to be 'custom/tradition'

There is a traditional Thai wedding occurring here soon - my partner's younger sister marries (Thai-to-Thai) in January. He is paying 100k cash to the mother and 75k in gold to the bride. It's not much considering they both have good jobs in Bkk in marketing, but they're working/saving madly to buy n apartment.
Imagine a lot of the 100k will be spent on the wedding costs, despite people's donated amounts hosting 200 people won't be cheap.


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## JWilliamson

I would take the parents out to dinner and pay for the wedding but thats about it until well her mothers birthday then ill bake her a cake which i never have done before but it will be worth a try. JW


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## Guest

Thanks for the responses. I've talked with ex-pats who've married Thais and live in Bangkok. The stories really run the gamut: Family dinner and paid weddings to huge payouts. I was given the option of opting out of sin sot altogether, but something tells me at least a "gesture of good will" is needed. The family is cool. They don't seem like the types to, as one ex-pat put it, "kill the goose that is about to lay the golden egg" but I don't necessarily want to lowball them either. I'll figure it out. Thanks.

What's interesting are her neighbors. They ridicule me (behind my back of course) for being able to stay with my fiance in the family farmhouse. They have somehow got it in their head that I must be a low-class falang because I enjoy issarn food and don't mind a squat toilet for a week. Shouldn't I be holidaying in Hua Hin? The future in-laws are ecstatic when I come and stay and make me feel welcome. The neighbor has a postage stamp plot of land and wants to charge them triple the price for it. Dream on.


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## JWilliamson

what others think is not my business. I heard that and im working on believing it. JW


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## Guest

*sin sot sorted*

Just a follow up. I had a Thai friend who lives and works in Bangkok do the sin sod negotiations with my fiance's family for me. Sin Sot turned out to be a little more than "nominal" but much less than being gouged--at least by my estimation. Having someone in the culture do the negotiations for me was the best idea I'd read. The whole process took a couple weeks of back and forth phone calls and emails. Not too painful.


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## JWilliamson

Well sounds like you bought a good item and the negotiation went well. I believe i am as worthy as any woman so i would call it even and go into the relationship as a team. JW


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## spacedman

Well any modern women out of the stone ages will be willing to pretty much laugh off "sin sot".


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## Guest

JWilliamson said:


> Well sounds like you bought a good item and the negotiation went well. I believe i am as worthy as any woman so i would call it even and go into the relationship as a team. JW


Good luck with your beliefs, JW.


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## JWilliamson

Thanks J, It is going well. My two girls usually take me out each two times a week and it fun. I treat 2 times a week to balance it out. JW


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## JWilliamson

*improving my writing*



JWilliamson said:


> Thanks J, It is going well. My two girls usually take me out each two times a week and it fun. I treat 2 times a week to balance it out. JW


Thanks J, It has been going pretty well. My two girls usually take me out (each)two times a week and we have a lot of fun. I treat them 2 times a week in order to balance it out. JW


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## PoodLen

*Just say no to Sin Sot*



jpippy68 said:


> Hello fellow ex-pats,
> 
> I recently proposed to my Thai girlfriend of a year. It was received well by her family. Any thoughts on sin sot? I've read that the amount should be 10% of one's liquid assets. Thanks for your time.



My wife's parents asked me about the Sin Sot prior to our marriage but I told them they will not be getting anything. I informed my wife that it was not something I was willing to discuss further and she let it go at that. It was never mentioned again.

I love my in-laws and I think they love me. We get along wonderfully and have a great time together. Sin Sot is an old tradition that is no longer necessary.


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## Chewy

Well I can definately understand your situation .You would want to respect the local customs and rules regarding courtship . Over the past year I have found many good articles regarding this outdated custom . I personally would refuse to pay anything other than general wedding costs . The willingness to respect other cultures is a 2 way street as well and make sure that the bride and her family respect the tratitions of your native country . 
However if you are a true traditionalist and agree to pay the sinsot you must realize you are a foreigner and will pay a much higher rate . You can assure that you get the most out of your money by getting what you are paying for . Is the woman a virgin , what is her age and education . Does she have any children from a prior relationship . These can be daunting tasts to negotiate so if you are going to pay a sinsot . Have a trusted Thai friend negotiate on your behalf and best wishes what ever path you choose .


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## Guest

Final update: I paid sin sot and got 25% of it back for my honeymoon. I also got back some gold, too. I'm cool with all of it. End of story. Thanks for the posts.


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