# making Thai friends



## ljkd13

Hello all,

I just moved to Chiang Mai two weeks ago and will be here until April 2009. My girlfriend and I (both US citizens in our mid-twenties) are looking to make some Thai friends, but are having a tough time coming up with ideas on meeting the locals. When I have lived in other countries, I was always studying, so it was easy to meet people. Now, being a teacher of sorts, I haven't run across a lot of opportunities. 

The idea of meeting people in bars reminds me of meeting a future wife/girlfriend in bars: rare, and unlikely. We are also taking a Thai language course, but of course, it would be all foreigners.

Any other suggestions that have worked in Thailand? I'm not socially inept, I just try to be careful with cultural boundaries and try not to over-assert myself in situations.

Thanks for any and all feedback.

-Luke


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## singto

Let it happen naturally. Thais are slow to make farang their friends and you need to be careful about making Thais your friends, especially not knowing the culture.


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## Zark

You'll find after you live here a while that lots of farangs come and live here for a while - then move on. Thais have probably seen enough people come and go, to prefer not make an effort to know someone until they have been around a while. They are probably also a bit chary of strangers ( as I am) until they see and know that you have fairly stable and reasonable behavior - [many farang expats don't).

All the usual places to meet people still apply here: Hash House Harriers, local Lions or Rotary Clubs, Soi Dog Foundation volunteers (assuming they have a branch up there), local bilingual churches and on and on and on. Volunteer, get involved in your community - walk around your neighborhood instead of driving, etc.

When I worked in Saudi Arabia, our boss had seen so many people come and go that the other teachers said that he wouldn't even bother to talk to you until you had been there two years. Sure enough, first day of my third year, he came into my office and initiated a very nice and friendly conversation. Same idea applies here.


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## Fiscalo

My idea about Thai "friends", neighbors etc. is... as long as you are the supplier, food, money, whatever, they are friendly. Thai smile has many forms and only some are genuine.
My advice? Take very good care! Gossip and the Thai drums are near, before you know you have a name. Even people I thought I could trust, cheated on me. And these were not only Thai!


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## singto

Fiscalo said:


> My idea about Thai "friends", neighbors etc. is... as long as you are the supplier, food, money, whatever, they are friendly. Thai smile has many forms and only some are genuine.
> My advice? Take very good care! Gossip and the Thai drums are near, before you know you have a name. Even people I thought I could trust, cheated on me. And these were not only Thai!


While I agree with you, I also have some very good Thai friends who have helped me immensely in my career and in my personal life. Yes, care is needed, but isn't care needed when choosing people you call your friends?


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## Fiscalo

Indeed... what is a friend?


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## klikster

You might start at a local temple.


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## singto

klikster said:


> You might start at a local temple.


I'm not sure what the rush is to find friends. If you've got to go to a temple because you've no friends, that's pretty sad. Take up Yoga, or Jui-Jitsu, or golf...plenty of people doing activities other than going to the temple to make friends.


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## klikster

singto said:


> I'm not sure what the rush is to find friends. If you've got to go to a temple because you've no friends, that's pretty sad. Take up Yoga, or Jui-Jitsu, or golf...plenty of people doing activities other than going to the temple to make friends.


Okay, I don't know why you're directing this at me. I have plenty of friends. I have actually met many nice folks while visiting temples

Generally, the neighborhood people you find frequenting a temple are better than the bar crowd.

But please tell us, how much better will golfing or yoga or jujitsu people be better than people at a temple.


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## singto

klikster said:


> Okay, I don't know why you're directing this at me. I have plenty of friends. I have actually met many nice folks while visiting temples
> 
> Generally, the neighborhood people you find frequenting a temple are better than the bar crowd.
> 
> But please tell us, how much better will golfing or yoga or jujitsu people be better than people at a temple.


Klikster - first, I wasn't directing it at you so chill out pal.

Admittedly going to a temple is a much different approach to making friends.

I don't remember how long you said you've been living in Thailand but...going to a temple I stand by what I say - if you've got to go to a temple to make friends, that's pretty sad. 

If you're in a city, there are many other activities and places to meet people, places better suited to making friends - and I'm not speaking of bars. If you're in the baan nawk, it's quite easy to meet people, the trick is finding Thai friends you like and who don't view you as an ATM.

The vast majority of people who go to temples are Thai and they don't go to make friends - they go to pray. Most of the Thais I know go to the temple, pray, and leave. It's not a social gathering...


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## klikster

singto said:


> Klikster - first, I wasn't directing it at you so chill out pal.


Actually, you did .. no other username was quoted. If you did that by accident, pretty sloppy for a moderator.

PS. I'm not your pal.


> I don't remember how long you said you've been living in Thailand but...


Actually, it doesn't matter. But I have lived here long enough to listen to people brag about how long they have lived here, but don't know zip. They often have a bar girl for a wife and their only friends are on the next bar stool.


> The vast majority of people who go to temples are Thai and they don't go to make friends - they go to pray.


Gee, how silly of me. Imagine me thinking that someone wanting to live in Thailand might want to make Thai friends.



> Most of the Thais I know go to the temple, pray, and leave.


Then I guess the Thais you know are not the type I would want to know



> It's not a social gathering...


That is about the least enlightened comment I have heard. In neighborhoods, temples are the predominant social gathering places for Thais.


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## singto

klikster said:


> Actually, you did .. no other username was quoted. If you did that by accident, pretty sloppy for a moderator.
> 
> PS. I'm not your pal.


Okay pal, whatever you say. Believe whatever you want.



klikster said:


> Actually, it doesn't matter. But I have lived here long enough to listen to people brag about how long they have lived here, but don't know zip. They often have a bar girl for a wife and their only friends are on the next bar stool.


Well I've been her 14 years, nearly 15 and I dare say I know enough not to have to brag. I don't have a bar girl, pal, I've got an educated woman (not from Issan either), and I go to a bar about once a year. 



klikster said:


> Gee, how silly of me. Imagine me thinking that someone wanting to live in Thailand might want to make Thai friends.


You've got a real hard on, don't you? Thais don't go to the temple to make friends, they go to pray. If you want to go somewhere with the intention of making friends, then go to a group function or somewhere like I recommended.



> Then I guess the Thais you know are not the type I would want to know.


What sort of Thais would those be? Those in the government or police? 



> That is about the least enlightened comment I have heard. In neighborhoods, temples are the predominant social gathering places for Thais.


Sorry PAL - the temple is for praying - on some rare occasions there are gatherings but for a foreigner looking to make friends IT"S NOT ONE OF THE BEST PLACES. GOT IT?


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## synthia

My experience has been that there are people who go to temples to pray, who go to temples to get a massage, who go to temples as tourists, and who go to temples with nice gardens just to sit around and read or relax. I can't say I've made friends in temples, but then I wasn't a resident and wasn't looking for friends. But I've passed a few pleasant hours chatting to people while lounging around a temple garden.


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## singto

synthia said:


> My experience has been that there are people who go to temples to pray, who go to temples to get a massage, who go to temples as tourists, and who go to temples with nice gardens just to sit around and read or relax. I can't say I've made friends in temples, but then I wasn't a resident and wasn't looking for friends. But I've passed a few pleasant hours chatting to people while lounging around a temple garden.


A temple is a holy place. If the guy wants friends and he happens to make them at the temple, so be it. But going to the temple specifically to make friends is way too desperate - there are so many places where people go to make friends or to interact (and I'm not speaking of bars).


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