# Ja versus Ka?



## Jamesal (Jul 10, 2013)

Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum, my current question is regarding Thai language.
Basically I started noticing how my Thai colleague (single Thai lady in her early 30s, I am single in my early 40s ) has started replying texts with ja versus ka.

Especifically she writes Khap Khun ja versus Khap Khun ka.

Any important difference between the two?

Thanks for any enlightment.


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## stednick (Oct 16, 2011)

Ja versus Ka. 

Ka imparts greater formality, more "best behavior" politeness. Greater social structure.

Ja indicates greater familiarity, more intimacy, greater friendliness, less rigid social structure required.

All in all, depending upon where you are headed or what you desire concerning your relationship with her, for you, its a good thing. 

Ka is formal, Ja is familiar.


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## Jamesal (Jul 10, 2013)

Thanks for the information Stednick. Basically we have known each other for two years and have suddenly gone from almost not noticing each other to subtle flirting.
So subtle to he point that leaves me wondering if she is reacting to my attention or just being shy, you a Thai girl thing?
I recently came back from vacation and brought her a teddy bear. I gave it to her in the office so there where people around, though of course it was small and in a bag. She half took it out made a comment like its really soft and quietly left. Then later at night she sends me a fb message saying thank you with a photo of her hugging the teddy and a smiley blowing a kiss with a heart. 
A big friendly thankyou or something more?


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## joseph44 (May 4, 2011)

Giving presents to a Thai is really awkward for us Westerners.
The presents should be wrapped and will remain wrapped after you handed them over. 
They will be un-wrapped without you being present. A matter of saving possible embarrassment or loss of face, epsecially with other people around. 
The delayed response of you new GF was just like that. 
Don't get me wrong: Gifts are really appreciated and happily accepted, but a direct expression of this appreciation? Not often. 

Other things for that matter:
Thais think it is really weird if you congratulate the family-members if someone celebrates his/her birthday or with any other celebration.
If you would like to give flowers to your GF.......keep it with mixed bouquets or red roses. Beware of some specific white flowers.........they symbolize death. I think it's the magnolia.


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## stednick (Oct 16, 2011)

Jamesal:

Yes, it was a big friendly thank you AND it was something more.

I don’t want to present myself as knowing a whole lot about Thai culture and Thai/falang relationships, I can only speak from my experiences and interactions with my Thai family. I did date and marry my Thai girlfriend, I’m five years her senior and it was the best thing that ever happened to either of us. 

Anyway, speaking from my observations. Thai romantic relationships (Thai/Thai) can and do span decades. Thai/falang are much shorter by necessity. 

In your shoes (I assume you are interested in this girl as a potential wife - if not stop now) proceed slowly but firmly - no wavering or feigned disinterest. Let her define the speed at which your relationship moves forward. Let her know you are interested, that you are afraid of making a cultural mistake, and ask her specific questions as your relationship develops. Far too many unknowns for an “outsider” to provide you with specific advice on how to proceed. Be upfront about your intentions with the girl, don’t “toy” with her. Hold yourself to a very high standard as you proceed. Communications is always the key in a relationship and speaking different mother languages allows for mis communications. Good luck.

As far as gift giving. Presents are always wrapped or bagged, never opened in front of the gift giver, Joseph44 is correct – it is a face thing, Thais won’t take the chance of opening a poor selection or inappropriate gift in front of the gift giver. You do need to be careful in gift giving. A gift that is considered too expensive can causes problems, as can an inappropriate for the occasion gift. To avoid making a mistake it is best to ask before giving to avoid embarrassment or a faux pas. 

Good luck.


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## Jamesal (Jul 10, 2013)

Stednick,

Thanks truly for all the valuable advice and taking the time to share.
Yes I do honestly like this girl, but strangely I know very little about her personally. Initially I was not attracted at all physically or to her personality, and I think that she obviosly thought the same.

Now we are on other terms, but maybe it is only on friendly terms and I am giving her signs more weight than they really convey. That the problem with an almost unfamliar culture, correctly reading the emotions.


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