# Preparing for the death of a spouse



## MangoTango (Feb 8, 2020)

My wife's oncologist recommended a doctora who specializes in watching over/supporting patients with terminal illnesses. My wife met with the woman and they really hit it off. The woman is available 24X7. My wife is expected to remain at home throughout. She will fell no pain. I think the cost is 1500 pesos per visit.

Today we went to the Funeraria Gayosso which I think is a national chain (possibly owned by Carlos Slim). We signed a contract today for 42,000 pesos. When my wife passes they will come to the house, cremate her and return her to the house in an urn. One loose end is who issues the death certificate. The doctura above could. We know a hospital in the area which could and the funeral home could refer a doctor. Cost of about 4500 pesos.

Next we went to the notary (where we closed on the house and did our 2 wills). We had a great free consultation with an english speaking lawyer. After explaining the situation and saying we thought we need to transfer ownership of the house to me, at first he said all that is possible. You need to make a donation (I guess to the state). 200,000 pesos. Shortly thereafter he said - but why do anything until you are in a position to sell the house. I am a co-owner of the house and have 100% right to continue living in the house. On the day after my wife's passing he will issue me a power-of-attorney like document (POA are for living situations). This document will provide powers after the fact. 

In the US I am still waiting for the change in the registrations for our joint accounts. In Mexico I have begun slowly relocating funds from accounts which are in her name to those in my name. Received an interesting conversation from the bank today. Basically - we see you are making a lot of money movements in your accounts. They weren't so much interest in the security aspect but rather they wanted to make investment recommendations. I think I already know what I want to accomplish (without their help). 

We have provided a friend with all the information to transfer ownership of the car which is in my wife's name. That should run about 4,000 pesos. We have to change the title, plates, registration etc. That could take 2 months or so.

I am so grateful that we have this time to prepare.


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## MangoTango (Feb 8, 2020)

I hope I don't come across as callous or uncaring when I share these experiences.
My wife is my life - for 40 some years. But at some point there comes a time - I just always hoped I would go first (and based on lifestyle I should have). 

But I will tell you - you have to get a second opinion on most everything. Even our most trusted friends have given us bad information (but then again we are all getting old together).


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

Thank you for the information. I do not know if you are aware of this but Spencer. the attorney to many English speaking expats wrote a good lists of the to does in How to die in Mexico in the Chapala.com local forum. It may be useful for you although you did cover many of the points he spoke about.


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Not callous or uncaring, just being practical with many things (both legal & emotional) to be worked out. First wife & I divorced in 1978. I lost my 2nd wife in a car accident in 1986, which was an immediate & devastating life change. Some years later in 2008, I lost my 3rd wife due to long lingering COPD & heart congestion, which gave us time to prepare as you have done. Even being prepared as we were, the devastation & grief still is there. My 4th wife & I are still doing well at 82yrs(self) & 71 yrs(her) and hoping for many more years of togetherness.

Please accept my concern and Prayers for both of you during his trying time for you.

Fred


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## MangoTango (Feb 8, 2020)

I have never been a terribly religious person - not in the organized religion sense anyway. Although I was an altar boy etc.

But - I have had at least two remarkable (?) experiences in my life. (1) I was on a spring break vacation with a friend (a female friend - but we were simply very good friends). We lived in New Jersey. We were walking along the Ft Lauderdale beach at sunrise and another couple was walking past us. They recognized me from perhaps 15 years earlier and we struck up a conversation. That was weird. (2) was when my wife and I took a weekend trip to Boston with some friends. We were stuck in an elevator together in a very nice hotel. All of a sudden someone in the rear of the elevator calls out my name. I never really knew him well, although our grandparents were good friends. His family invented the electric garage door and he was there for a convention.

There is more to life than is obvious.


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