# Any hidden dangers in personal r/ships in thailand?



## Gulfer

hi everybody.

i am a new here. expat. retiree. 
i've had a thai girl friend for 7 months, a few nights week, she works in an office. 
lately i am finding it hard to believe some of her stories. 
is this a cultural difference or is there a possibility i am being targeted for something.
i dont want to end the r/ship, nor get burnt either. 

are there any common patterns that anyone out there may advise me of. is it possible i am being used, but i dont take her round on holidays or for dinners...still settling in here

also are my assets here at risk thru any defacto break up laws or any other laws in thailand, even tho she dos not live me nor use my address for recieving mail (a western trick).


thanks in advance for any advice u may have for me.


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## oddball

Gulfer said:


> hi everybody.
> 
> i am a new here. expat. retiree.
> i've had a thai girl friend for 7 months, a few nights week, she works in an office.
> lately i am finding it hard to believe some of her stories.
> is this a cultural difference or is there a possibility i am being targeted for something.
> i dont want to end the r/ship, nor get burnt either.
> 
> are there any common patterns that anyone out there may advise me of. is it possible i am being used, but i dont take her round on holidays or for dinners...still settling in here
> 
> also are my assets here at risk thru any defacto break up laws or any other laws in thailand, even tho she dos not live me nor use my address for recieving mail (a western trick).
> 
> 
> thanks in advance for any advice u may have for me.


 Ah well,Gulfer,join the crowd !!!!
There are all kinds of situations you can get yourself into with a Thai female,good,bad and worserer(Thai trick). You are a retiree and she is(?)young and beautifull(?). Ask yourself why she would pick an (hahem) older gentlman to spend time with and only a few nights(?) a week,Tricky(?) question . Who,What,Where,How and when did you meet her? In church,at a wedding,walking down the street or in a bar? Add it all up,take twenty steps backwards and re-assess the situation(predicament) you find your self in,you obviously have doubts. Colin .


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## rjnpenang

There are plenty of nice women in Thailand but don´t forget they all need to work and support their families, try taking some of them out for a meal once a week, and when they look at that bulge in your trousers its the wallet thats the priority.


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## oddball

No response from the OP , just curious or genuinely concerned , just curious . Colin .


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## Gulfer

*re: hidden dangers...?*



oddball said:


> No response from the OP , just curious or genuinely concerned , just curious . Colin .


thanks for replies (3), advice + concern. the case has nothing to do with bar "chance" meeting, her being 'young&beautiful' or the 'bulge' in my pocket. she's over 50, i'm over 60 with 15 years diff. she has an appt&job in another province and family commitment she can't leave. i understand and respect this. hence seeing only weekends on my grounds. on the other hand i'm never invited to her's. this seems fishy to me? or is it? my concerns are,-
am i 'the man' in her life or a vent for some dissatisfaction?
could she possibly acquire the legal power over my assets?
(i surely don't want one more divorce or settlement in this life or after!)
does thai legal system recognise de-facto relationships? etc,etc...

i've heard heaps of horror stories here. but these facts of life are not endemic to thailand only. i'm sure we all saw not less horrors in the west...


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## synthia

Judging from stories I've heard from women who have been abandoned by Western men, I don't think she can get any control of anything you have unless you marry or sign things over to her.


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## oddball

It is easier to appreciate your relationship now you have clarified a few points , however , i too would be a litle suspicious of not beng invited to her area . There is sometimes a sort of stygma attached to a Thai lady dating a farang unless she shows a monetary gain from 'The rich boyfriend' , they are often pestered to find out why they are not wearing more gold etc , this can be ignored , so perhaps you have not been mentioned localy as of yet . There is of course the other trait common amongst some Thai ladies of having a 'Brother ' lurking in the background , even at around 50 years of age . Colin .


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## steed

Hey I'm new to this forum but unfortunately not new to this question. At least the OP hasn't got himself mixed up in a relationship with a girl half his age. This is a very very common thing here. The old guy gets a beautiful young thing & can't believe his luck !! well it soon turns sad. However, she's 50 so has maybe a different agenda than ripping the OP off for every baht she can get. Consider she's already married or in a relationship. I think this is the most likely scenario i'm afraid. I hope I'm wrong !!


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## Gulfer

I'm really baffled. It's nearly a year, she travels to my place every weekend from her province. Yet, when I say I want to go to her town,- she suggests I go to a hotel. At her work everybody knows she is with me. Her kids know too. Maybe she is married to her job? Even this doesn't explain why I have to go to a hotel!... I'm really baffled...and pissed-off. Any other ideas?


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## synthia

So it isn't that she doesn't want you to visit her, but that she wants you to stay in a hotel? Does she perhaps live with her mother? Or have relatives that would not approve of your staying at her place? If she has older relatives she might not want to show disrespect or cause a bit stir by having you stay with her.


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## Gulfer

The answer to your questions, Cyntia, is NO,NO,NO. According to her story, she lives alone, parents dead, divorsed. Kids are looked after by relatives. She
works long hours. Must work to support status quo. And seems happy with it.
If any of this weren't true, I would end this relationship. Hate lies. Besides, they are counterproductive,- can't build anything solid on lies. How can I be sure? But I wouldn't stoop low to spy on her...


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## Gulfer

The answer to you question, Cynthia, is NO, NO, NO. According to her story, she lives alone, parents dead, husband divorsed, kids looked after relatives or friends. Says must work long hours to support the status quo. And seems happy with it. If any of this is a lie, I would end the relationship - hate lies.
How can I be sure? Without stooping low to spy on her?


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## krell35

*just a thought*

Have you ever wondered that maybe her family and friends control so much of her life that she just wont's to keep you just to herself ? I have a wife that is thai and when she is with them she just can't say NO. Think on it she is 50 has kid's but wont take you to her village, does she just wont too be happy when you are together and talk to you or would she rather be spending her time talking to her friends and family saying "look i don't wont him too help you, as he is here for me not you ?" but that is how me and my wife are and if you still have doubts then just ask.  

p.s. maybe she is living cheap and sending most of her money to the family and thinks that if you see her home you will dump her. i have some friends in bangkok making good money but r paying cheap rent just so they can send more money home .


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## synthia

Gulfer said:


> According to her story, How can I be sure? Without stooping low to spy on her?


If you have never gone to her area and stayed in a hotel and seen what is going on, how do you know that she isn't lying? You don't seem to think any of the possible reasons we have come up with make sense, so I have to think she is lying to you.

What reason does she give for wanting you to stay in a hotel? And why haven't you just said OK and done it? You could be making a mountain out of a molehill, and going to her areas may make it all seem perfectly clear.


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## Gulfer

You are right, Cynthia, and I might do just that, as a surprise, no warning. See what pans out...


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## Magic Mark

Even if she is traditional Thai girl, you can still meet her family, you just can't sleep with her in khun mae and poh's house until you are married. There are so many honest and sincere Thai girls out there, if you have a doubt, find another! Bangkok girls are mostly bar girls....find one from the north (Chiang Mai or Chiang Rai) I got married to a Chiang Rai girl last year after dating for 2 years. Don't rush into anything. Don't be blinded by thr tang!


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## krell35

lol what do i know i am only 35 and my wife's family still takes me for a ride not my wife's fault but mine for trying to help told my wife to give me a big kick if i try and help them again, It may have cost me a lot but in the village i am number one and the one's i help are buffaloes in their eyes so for me the money was well wealth it. But i can say my wife mother is the only one that has never asked me for anything other than too help her wash the bedding as the family are always to bizzy too help her . But i will only help her with hers and my washing the other can sit in the dirt for all i care and when my wife told her that we got a great smile .


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## synthia

Just accept the suggestion, tell her, and see how that works out.


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## owenjones

I agree with Cynthia:
Accept her invitation to go and stay in a hotel for a week; you'll probably smell a rat in that time if there is one.
Good luck, they're not all bad by any means.
I have more foreign friends here with good wives/girlfriends than friends with bad partners.
I live in Uttaradit Province where there are relatively few foreigners.


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## King Silk

This is an old post. What happened anyone know?


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## Gulfer

King Silk said:


> This is an old post. What happened anyone know?


Dear King Silk, I know what happened. Nobody cared to ask before you for a very long time... Why do you ask? Just curious, or found yourself in the same boat?...
Everything is OK with us... Still together... Still on the same basis. Squalid conditions was (is) the reason for not inviting me to her place. Now we both try to change these to better. Resume: openness and being straightforward is the best policy in a relationship.


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## King Silk

Happy for you Gulfy. Read the post up earlier. Relationships here are NOT all doom and gloom.
But sadly many are.......mine have been. But it was fun while it lasted.


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## mikecwm

Gulfer said:


> I'm really baffled. It's nearly a year, she travels to my place every weekend from her province. Yet, when I say I want to go to her town,- she suggests I go to a hotel. At her work everybody knows she is with me. Her kids know too. Maybe she is married to her job? Even this doesn't explain why I have to go to a hotel!... I'm really baffled...and pissed-off. Any other ideas?


My Thai wife also wanted us to stay at a hotel when visiting her relatives in Isan. Her reason was she wanted me to be comfortable with air conditioning and a western toilet. 
Maybe better to look for the positives than the negatives. Without being naive of course.
If you are not married and have not signed anything over to her, you have no worries she will rip you off.


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## King Silk

Miky ever heard of stealing money from your wallet? 
It happens you know........


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## Guest

Well I'm about to get hitched around August, so we shall see. I've got to sort out a prenup first, that's for sure. Any tales of woe, and I shall report back to these pages... 

I've already done battle with the prospective MIL at a distance, but at least she drives my gf mad, and she wants to live as far away from her as possible.

The MIL2B doesn't like me much because I've already denied her buffalo support payments a few times. Start off as you mean to continue, I say...


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## Hephesus

synthia said:


> Judging from stories I've heard from women who have been abandoned by Western men, I don't think she can get any control of anything you have unless you marry or sign things over to her.


Oh how distrusting we have to be, shame but nessacary I think. I hope to marry lat this year and I will leave my assets in the EU and live from its interest. My question is will the future wife be able to acsess those assets that I hope will go to my children. I will be looking after my Thai wife financially though with money I am willing to "lose".


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## Guest

Good question. Inheritance law is so complicated. I have assets in the UK and France, and in theory as a British citizen the inheritance law of the UK covers the former and that of France covers assets located in France.

I have three kids in Europe, so need to protect their interests before I marry this year.

With regard to the French assets there is not so much of a problem, as French law overrules any wills and divides up assets between kids and spouse equally. No leaving all your cash to your favourite pet dog and cutting out your family in France, just not possible. 

The UK is another matter. I'm in the process of doing a separate will for both countries, to cover myself though. And I shall be doing a prenup agreement with my Thai spouse to the effect that she respects the conditions of any existing or future will I've made or will make. Need a lawyer to go through the details, but I understand prenups carry some legal weight in Thailand.

I'm unlikely to make any major investment in Thailand anyway, the more I think about it. Ok I might spend a few thousand on a house in my future wife's name (that has the MIL living in it)... but that's all. 

To be honest I've got a bad feeling about the current political scene in Thailand, and wouldn't want to invest much there right now. It'll probably pan out ok knowing the Thais and their mai pen lai attitude, but it's a real mess, and we're only into the prologue I reckon. The latest rumour, started by a PAD leader's son no less, is that certain military interests were behind the assassination attempt on his father last week - not the redshirts.


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## 4thRight

Synthia's suggestion sounds rational. She may be embarrassed about her living arrangement or there are others who would not be comfortable and there man simply not be enough room for a farang Westerner who is accustomed to a private room and other facilities. Hire someone to track her ?

I am way back in this forum, still trying to determine, inexpensively, where my money will go further, where an American is reasonably safe, the people are cordial, I might own property, and not get taxed.


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## californiabeachboy

Where are your assets? If they are overseas, probably not a problem. If they are in Thailand, I think that is always a problem, girlfriend or no girlfriend.


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## dextersp1

There is blog by an expat English teacher who has posted a lot of stories and scams run by Thai women.


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## 4thRight

*Dashing hopes a little*



californiabeachboy said:


> Where are your assets? If they are overseas, probably not a problem. If they are in Thailand, I think that is always a problem, girlfriend or no girlfriend.


 Malaysia and Thailand are two of my favored locations, not for any rational, educated reason; they have just seemed like friendly, safe, attractive and exotic places, far, far away.


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## JWilliamson

Go Dutch man! Pay half and half, date, have fun and dont promise anything. actions speaks much more than words or tail. JW


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