# Bringing dad home



## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

We've just had the sad news that dad has passed away in spain, where he has lived for the past 10 years. ( Granada area )
Although close we've never been there. 
Can anyone give me some advice on how best to handle this, all we know is that he is now at a funeral directors and they want to know how to proceed. 
I'm ashamed my Spanish is nil, we haven't even had a chance to decide what to do yet, and they're ringing back in half an hour. 

Any advice welcome. 

Georgia


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Georgia3thom said:


> We've just had the sad news that dad has passed away in spain, where he has lived for the past 10 years. ( Granada area )
> Although close we've never been there.
> Can anyone give me some advice on how best to handle this, all we know is that he is now at a funeral directors and they want to know how to proceed.
> I'm ashamed my Spanish is nil, we haven't even had a chance to decide what to do yet, and they're ringing back in half an hour.
> ...


A sad time for you. Do you want to have a funeral in the UK or in Spain? Bear in mind that funerals take place in 24/48 hours as a rule here. 
If you want a funeral back in the UK the funeral director here would probably know what to do but this is also the kind of thing the consulate can help with so I'd contact them. You can ask the funeral home here to wait, but they will charge you. 
If you have a funeral here they'll do everything for you.
Repatriation for a funeral in the UK is horribly costly.
Did your dad have any funeral insurance? Most people here seem to


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## Aron (Apr 30, 2013)

Georgia3thom said:


> We've just had the sad news that dad has passed away in spain, where he has lived for the past 10 years. ( Granada area )
> Although close we've never been there.
> Can anyone give me some advice on how best to handle this, all we know is that he is now at a funeral directors and they want to know how to proceed.
> I'm ashamed my Spanish is nil, we haven't even had a chance to decide what to do yet, and they're ringing back in half an hour.
> ...


I am sorry for your loss, this must be a difficult time for your family.

The funeral directors will want to know with some urgency what your plans are. Funerals in Spain take place very quickly in Spain, often the next day. To keep a body in refrigeration can be expensive, so it is best to get this sorted as soon as possible.

We have had a similar thing happen in our family. The best way for us was cremation, then for you to take the ashes back home, or a family burial in Spain.


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Aron said:


> I am sorry for your loss, this must be a difficult time for your family.
> 
> The funeral directors will want to know with some urgency what your plans are. Funerals in Spain take place very quickly in Spain, often the next day. To keep a body in refrigeration can be expensive, so it is best to get this sorted as soon as possible.
> 
> We have had a similar thing happen in our family. The best way for us was cremation, then for you to take the ashes back home, or a family burial in Spain.


Yes, that's what we did when my dad died here ( he lived in the UK) and when my husband, who lived here, died in the UK.


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

hello, thank you for your reply, much appreciated.
The consulate just rang
still chatting


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## Hombre62 (Jun 13, 2013)

I am not in Spain at the moment, but I do have friends in the Granada area who could be called on to help if you are stuck. Please send me a PM if I can be of help.


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

hello, that's so kind of you, thank you, I'll keep it in mind if that's okay. 
I may have to come out to sort his things out, he lived in a rented flat in a little village, I don't even know the landlords name, he was not widely sociable, a little embarrassed of being elderly and liked living a quiet life, going for tapas at the local but otherwise doing his own routine. I have no idea if he has insurance, I hope the funeral home has his door keys, I forgot to ask. Would the hospital automatically pass his pocket things on to the funeral director? 
The funeral home has quoted 3300euros for him to be cremated there, and we all feel that is the best thing at the moment. Mums not well, she went down with the dreaded norovirus last week, so we think it best to have a memorial here, and come out to spain together at a later time to scatter some ashes in his favourite place and meet anyone who knew him. 
I am lucky enough to have an old work colleague who is in spain at the moment visiting his family, he is Spanish and speak fluently, so he has offered to be a translator for us if the need arises.

Its very sad, I spoke to dad yesterday and he said he was fine and all was well. The funeral director said he arrived at hospital yesterday and had a heart attack. We need a few more details , so we can better understand. He never liked to make a fuss, and steered clear of anything medical, I think he didn't want to worry us. 
I know he would want us to remember how happy he was there though, he loved living in spain, we had many family holidays there, beginning in the fifties, when he'd pile mum, three kids and the tent in the volkswagon beetle , complete with blown up dingy on the roof, and catch the ferry across to france, drive via Biarritz, and on into southern Spain. 
We have a lot of happy memories to keep us going. 

Thanks everyone

Georgia


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

Hello, we are coming out to Murcia on friday, the town dad lived in was Cullar 18850
Does anyone live nearby and could advise on low cost hotel or hostel etc? 
Also, we may need to take some things to be recycled , does anyone know how you go about disposing of old furniture that is not suitable to give away?
georgia x


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## Hombre62 (Jun 13, 2013)

I don't know that area, sorry.

This shows up on a search:B&B Cueva Pura Vida Home - Cueva Pura Vida Alojamiento Rural Andalucía - Grotwoning B&B Andalusië - Bed and Breakfast Pulpite, Cúllar, Granada, Andalucía, España

It looks nice, is close to Cúllar, and the prices are reasonable.

One of the animal charities may be interested in taking any clearance items - if the furniture really can't be given away (it would have to be pretty dire for that to be the case!) then perhaps a neighbour might take it for firewood?


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Such a sad story but your Dad I think sounds like he was a wonderful man and would have been hugely respected in his village. I do so hope everything gets sorted for you and being an eternal optimist I am sure it will be. Wishing you all the best...


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

Thank you for all the suggestions and kind words, it is comforting and helpful. 
I'm feeling a bit different today, bit unexpected, but I think a day of making arrangements has focussed the mind, and left us a bit annoyed , how awful do we sound?
I know he cant help what happened, but we've realised we are completely in the dark about his wishes and arrangements, no insurance, no will ( he didn't have anything bless him ) and nothing relevant to sorting out what is left behind. I've kept every letter he has ever written, and even our requests for a contact in case of illness have been skirted! The address we've been using every week for years turns out to be a PO Box number, we thought Apartado meant Apartment. Its infuriating because his recipes for tapas soup with whiskey are so detailed.
It makes me remember our Spanish holidays a bit differently, 72 hours crammed into a boiling hot high speed car with sunburn, mosquito bites, travel sickness and Spanish tummy.
So we've got to drop everything, ( I'm scared of flying! ) work, family, some of whom are also ill, and pay for everything including flights out to sort it all out. I don't begrudge the money , who else should pay, but its hard, we work overtime to pay our own mortgage, and look after mum, and have insurance !
Actually what would really have helped, more than anything , would be a sealed letter , kept here in England with a list of his wishes, and how to carry out everything that needs doing. 
We would so much rather have remembered him lovingly with nothing but admiration and gratitude
Well, enough of my rant, I apologise if I have made anyone uncomfortable, but if anyone has children they don't like, this is the perfect way to repay them!


Georgia x


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Georgia3thom said:


> Thank you for all the suggestions and kind words, it is comforting and helpful.
> I'm feeling a bit different today, bit unexpected, but I think a day of making arrangements has focussed the mind, and left us a bit annoyed , how awful do we sound?
> I know he cant help what happened, but we've realised we are completely in the dark about his wishes and arrangements, no insurance, no will ( he didn't have anything bless him ) and nothing relevant to sorting out what is left behind. I've kept every letter he has ever written, and even our requests for a contact in case of illness have been skirted! The address we've been using every week for years turns out to be a PO Box number, we thought Apartado meant Apartment. Its infuriating because his recipes for tapas soup with whiskey are so detailed.
> It makes me remember our Spanish holidays a bit differently, 72 hours crammed into a boiling hot high speed car with sunburn, mosquito bites, travel sickness and Spanish tummy.
> ...


rant away

I'm sending you a PM


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

xabiachica said:


> rant away
> 
> I'm sending you a PM


Thanks, I feel better after your pm, and big best wishes to you. 

We have to go to Granada to collect his ashes, then Cullar to his home, then back to Murcia for the flight,
Booking the flights was an experience, our internet is slow, so I rang Cheapoair instead, the price went up whilst we were talking, and a sudden flurry meant we were lucky to get Friday to Monday. By the time we added it up I wish we had booked a more expensive inclusive flight with a better airline than easyjet, its come to about 600 for my sister and I to go with one suitcase each. The agent was very helpful though, she did our online check in for us, so its all sorted. 
Is it warm there at the moment? Our suitcase will be nearly empty on the way out to leave room for paperwork coming back, we might have to wear most of our clothes.

I have driven in france, but its been years since I drove in spain, is there anything about driving in spain that I should know eg carrying spare light bulbs or hand signals etc? We're going to hire a car at the airport. 

Georgia


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## Hombre62 (Jun 13, 2013)

A good rant will do you no harm, and I can't see anyone here begrudging you that. Being annoyed with your Dad is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process, don't get stressed over it. I know it's a terrible cliché, but time really is a great healer.

As for driving, the roads between Murcia and Granada are excellent, so take your time and make allowances for the fact that you will be preoccupied. Will your sister be able to share the driving with you? If so, swap over at frequent intervals.

Off the top of my head, you'll need warning triangles, spare bulbs, hi-vis jackets on board. The car rental company should supply these with the car, but probably best to check when you collect at the airport.


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## deedee76 (Nov 1, 2013)

So sorry for your loss ,its a difficult time and i can understand what you are going through . 
i know you have delt with the funeral director and they may have already told you but , please make sure you get a letter of them for the airport for bringing the ashes home . we were told this after the service of my father in law and had to go back to the funeral director to get them.
xx


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## Dunpleecin (Dec 20, 2012)

Sorry to hear about what's happened.

I can't really advise on much I'm afraid other than to say that if your dad lived a modest life and left no will or had no insurance it is probably better if you had the funeral in Spain to avoid massive costs. Unless of course you can afford the expense. If you have to extend your stay to do this, I would contact EasyJet and see if you can change flights. I have never had a bad experience with them and whilst you see the worst on TV, actually they're very good when people are polite. I booked a flight for the wrong day by mistake once not long ago and called them to explain. They changed my flight without charge. They might do the same for you if you explain the circumstances.

Good luck.


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## extranjero (Nov 16, 2012)

Sadly it's a common story, no will, wishes etc. Many ex pats do not give a thought to what their relatives in UK will have to do when they die in Spain.It;s a poisoned chalice, dealing with all their effects, sorting out inheritance tax, selling the house, etc. 
That's why we hope to sell and go back to the UK.It's too much to expect them to deal with it all.
It's a salutary tale;hopefully most will get a funeral plan or insurance and give relatives in UK details of these and contact numbers of neighbours, solicitors, funeral directors etc, plus details of financial affairs, should the worst happen.


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## Aron (Apr 30, 2013)

extranjero said:


> Sadly it's a common story, no will, wishes etc. Many ex pats do not give a thought to what their relatives in UK will have to do when they die in Spain.It;s a poisoned chalice, dealing with all their effects, sorting out inheritance tax, selling the house, etc.
> That's why we hope to sell and go back to the UK.It's too much to expect them to deal with it all.
> It's a salutary tale;hopefully most will get a funeral plan or insurance and give relatives in UK details of these and contact numbers of neighbours, solicitors, funeral directors etc, plus details of financial affairs, should the worst happen.


Hopefully we have it all sorted. It's called future planning. Bereavement is never a good time and the more you can do in advance the better. Our house won't be sold and we have reduced the inheritance tax within that future planning. Our family have the contact numbers of the people to go to for help, in fact we our kids have met these people as part of that process. Okay, getting a last minute flight can be expensive especially at holiday times, you can't plan for that. We have no intention of leaving Spain because we now have our home here which we love. We have the support of our family in the UK. Spain isn't that far away, it could have been Canada had things worked out differently. We nearly bought a house in a remote part of Ontario.


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

Thank you everyone, good points all that I'll take heed of. 

Can anyone suggest which is the easiest car rental place at Murcia?
We'd like to go for one that will be quite good at having the car brought around or at least if the lot is close by , that we can book online in advance and just walk to the desk on arrival. 
I guess I am trying to avoid having to take a bus journey to the car lot. 

Georgia


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## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Avoid Goldcar. Centauro pretty good.


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## bob_bob (Jan 5, 2011)

Georgia3thom said:


> Thank you for all the suggestions and kind words, it is comforting and helpful.
> I'm feeling a bit different today, bit unexpected, but I think a day of making arrangements has focussed the mind, and left us a bit annoyed , how awful do we sound?
> I know he cant help what happened, but we've realised we are completely in the dark about his wishes and arrangements, no insurance, no will ( he didn't have anything bless him ) and nothing relevant to sorting out what is left behind. I've kept every letter he has ever written, and even our requests for a contact in case of illness have been skirted! The address we've been using every week for years turns out to be a PO Box number, we thought Apartado meant Apartment. Its infuriating because his recipes for tapas soup with whiskey are so detailed.
> It makes me remember our Spanish holidays a bit differently, 72 hours crammed into a boiling hot high speed car with sunburn, mosquito bites, travel sickness and Spanish tummy.
> ...


That is a very valid point to make.

Our Will is quite complex, we have a property portfolio, various bank and investment accounts, trust funds etc. It really is vital to involve your children in all of this and that they know where things are, who your solicitor is et al. My own parents did just this and on their passing things were so much easier to deal with. Our children have paper copies of relevant documents, bank details, investment details plus the data is also 'backed up' on encrypted computer files on DVD/USB flash memory and stored safely.

If any members here have not taken these steps you should really think about doing so.

My condolences to you Georgia and your family.


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

Thank you everyone, its very good to know that you think of your family so caringly. Nobody likes to think of mortality, but perhaps the approach is easier if you think of it as financial arrangements, no different from making direct debits etc. It still would've been good to have a letter that literally says " I have insurance with xxxx and my solicitor is xxxxx," and not buried where we cant find it, because there is never enough time to go through everything with a fine tooth comb, We are still none the wiser really. 
We're back from spain now, easy jet and budget car were great. People were helpful, and the motel in town was really clean and comfortable. They didn't have a kettle in the room though, we did embrace spain whilst there, but oh we missed our usual big mugs of tea!
We sorted dads flat and car, then collected him from the tanatory. We've asked for several copies of death certificate. We scattered some ashes in the med and from a view point overlooking Granada city, which was very heart warming. We had hoped to find a Fundador or osbourne bull billboard but alas they don't seem to have those anymore. 
We were so lucky with the weather, sun every day, which made everything so much easier and beautiful. We laughed, cried and generally embraced the whole experience, I'm glad we went. 
On the way home we sat next to a lovely lady and her friend who was bringing her husbands ashes home, it was the perfect end to the journey, it was either divine providence or clever easyjet passenger placement, but whatever the reason I think dad was pleased, listening to us talk from my handbag under the seat. 

Thanks again everyone, I have read every reply more than once, and appreciate them all. 

Georgia


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## Georgia3thom (Nov 5, 2013)

One last question - can anyone suggest a good solicitor in Spain? 
It turns out that dad has a little money that would contribute towards the funeral, and we'd like to retrieve it for mum. 
I've been trying to understand the web page for the Certificas de actosde ultimate voluntad thing, but I cant find the English translation link, any suggestions ? 
Certificado de Actos de Última Voluntad - Trámites y gestiones personales - Ministerio de Justicia

Just to be really awkward, I lost my purse somewhere, have a feeling I had put it in the hotel room drawer or under the seat in the hire car. The hotel say they haven't got it, and the car company haven't replied yet, its not worth an insurance claim, just a lot of cancelation hassle. The saddest bit was the tiny pebble I kept from the beach where we scattered dad, honestly, its easier to not have any possessions or momentos these days....

Georgia


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