# Funny letter about renewing a passport



## tallbob

Dear Minister,


I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to
understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on
what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every
Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I
have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you
still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with
contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am
watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will
keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one
with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on
my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and
all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the
electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our
lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead
on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was
Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if
that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you
and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then
you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of
Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's
sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach
for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get
another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to
the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be
too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over
the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to
confirm that it's really me on the goddam picture - you know... the one
where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years
at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which
allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime
Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been
doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --
you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6
months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN ...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate *British* Citizen.


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## Hombre

Love it !...it is right up there with the Virgin Airways letter of complaint....considered the best one in the world.


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## jojo

thats so funny!! Brilliant

Jo xxx


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## Pesky Wesky

He he he!!
I like it mor ethan the Virgin Airways letter!


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## XTreme

More boring copy and paste drivel from another one who in reality has nothing to say.

Thread should be nuked and the individual banned for being a boring [email protected]!


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## MaidenScotland

A nice funny tale to sit and have a cuppa with, better than all the doom and gloom.


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## wellieboy

How true it is what you say, my wife and I have just renewed our passports and what a nightmare. Five attemps to get our pic in the right place too far left, not far enough up, right eye in the wrong place, fringe hanging down and to far away from the screen, £3.50 a throw no problems there?

Went back to our car to find we had been given a parking fine.

Paid extra for fast tracking, silly sods only delivered passports to the wrong address and as a result we had to cancel our holiday.

Conclusion, when it comes to shelling out hard earned money in the UK there is never a problem, but boy when you want some service, SORRY NOWT DOIN. 


I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to
understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and
telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in
1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on
what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every
Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I
have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you
still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with
contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am
watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the
government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will
keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one
with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on
my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports
I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and
all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the
electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our
lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead
on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was
Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if
that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you
and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then
you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of
Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's
sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach
for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get
another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to
the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be
too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over
the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to
confirm that it's really me on the goddam picture - you know... the one
where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years
at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which
allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime
Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been
doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the
Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --
you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6
months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN ...

Yours sincerely,

An Irate *British* Citizen.[/QUOTE]


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