# HELP ? advice re italian divorce law for my sister living in Italy



## Rebex1

Hi,
I am seeking advice for my sister (British Citizen) but has been living in Italy for almost 30 years and married to an Italian for about 15 - 18 years. the marriage took place in Italy and was NOT registered in the uk.
Unfortunately, she has been unhappily married for many years, (no third party involved) and has 2 children with her italian husband. The children have suffered because of the unhappy marriage and for this reason my sister instigated a separation which he has agreed to. They have now separated and he has moved out. My sister has the children and he has access. (Nothing formally arranged, just as and when).
My sister does not have much money (in other words they are not well off) and throughout her marriage she has relied upon her husband handing her £20 - £30 each day or so to buy food, petrol, clothes for kids, pay some bills etc). Not ideal!My sister is living in the marital home while he is renting a flat, which obviously adds to the financial dilemmas she faces.
He has a business, not a thriving one, (he is a mechanic with a garage in Italy) but shares this with 2 other partners (his brothers I think). From what she tells me they are adamant that she will not get a penny from it.
She does have a part time job in an english speaking shool and also offers private english tuition from home which she has done throughout her marriage.
I don't want to rant on too much longer as it may put people off reading, (although as you can imagine there is a lot more involved), and therefore not helping me with ANY ADVICE, useful LINKS, is she entitled to any free legal aid or anyone who has been through something similar.
We are a large family, but all living in the UK, we all want to help her and point her in the right direction, she is not great on computers etc, so we are trying to gather the required info to advise her.
i have done some research and know that it is a lengthy procedure and can take 2 - 3 years before the divorce goes ahead. However, i did read that the person who registers or files for the divorce as quickly as possible can benefit?
Please if anyone has some advice, i would be very grateful.
Hoping to hear from someone soon.


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## Rebex1

*Any Suggestions?*

Hi.
i keep coming back to see if there are any replies to my sisters situation. can anyone offer me any suggestions or info?
Many Thanks


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## Yalumba2

Hello 

I have been living in Italy for over 20 years, and am in the process of trying to obtain permission to relocate back to the UK. My circumstances are a nightmare.

Regarding your sister, she should be able to get free legal advice from somewhere like a consultorio famigliare - usually a lawyer offers advice there free of charge, usually but not always.

As far as I'm aware your sister, by law is entitled to live in the house and her ex has to pay maintenance for her and any children under 18. Most will try and get away paying very little. If her income is low enough she should be entitled to legal aid, difficult to come by in Italy. If she has any good Italian friends ask them to recommend a good lawyer. In Italy you get what you pay for, it's very important that your sister move quickly and get legal advice before her ex tries to intimidate her.

If you like tell her to write to me.

That's just a wee bit of background, ask me some more questions if you like, and tell me exactly where your sister is?


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## islandcioccolatino

Hi,
My fiancé and I recently went through the divorce proceedings in Italy with regards to his divorce. It is very different to what I am used to here in the US. Under Italian law a married couple has to be legally separated for three years before they can petition the court to sign off on the divorce and make it official, hence why the divorce can take more than three years. If they go before the courts already with an agreement in hand, then it benefits them and the divorce will mostly likely be granted after the three years separation. However if there is no agreement in place then it will take longer. My fiancé has friends whose divorces are ongoing for over seven years due to no agreement. As for maintenance, my understanding is the husband is required under law to still maintain all the bills in the house as well as the expenses for the children, even though he has moved out. This goes on until the judge has decided exactly how much in alimony and child support he should be paying on a monthly basis. It would be benefit your sister if herself and her husband could come to some agreement on this prior to going before the judge. Hope this helps.


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## Rebex1

Thank you Yalumba2 and islandcioccolatino. great to have a response.
I do have a few more questions / concerns before I give my sister the information. If you or anyone else can help with these, it would be really appreciated.
I understand that they have to be separated for 3 years before the judge will look at their situation but is there a legal process by which you get the separation started or filed? He has been living outside the family home since March I think, if the start of that separation is not recorded how are the courts to know that? Without it being filed any couple who have had enough surely could say they have been separated for longer than they actually have. if it does need filing what is the process called and where does she go to get the papers etc.?
As for maintenance etc, obviously she has all that to sort out in the future, but he has always been very difficult towards her with money etc. When they were married etc. bills weren't paid and phone lines cut off etc. He tends to give her a small amount of money by the day, for food, petrol, meals etc, which is never enough. Would a judge be able to make him pay more than he has done or is doing, whilst they are separated? or, will the judge not look at this until after the 3 years separation. It makes her life very hard, not having enough money each day and adds to the stress of the whole thing. He on the other hand is going out for dinner, cinema, beach etc. while my sister is struggling.
As I said before I had heard that the person who begins this process (separation/divorce) has some benefit? Do you know if this is right? What benefit?
Do you know whether this divorce can only be dealt with in Italy or whether she could begin the process in the UK. Her marriage was not registered in the Uk though. I think I may have to find that out myself by calling The British Embassy and asking that question. Do you think that is the way to go?
She lives in Bracciano.
Thank you again for your replies.


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## islandcioccolatino

Hi Rebex1, 
It sounds like your brother-in-law is using the fact that your sister doesn't know anything about Italian divorce law against her. I spoke to my fiancé about this. He advises that because of how complicated the process is to get divorced that she needs to get any attorney. The separation needs to be recorded and approved of by the judge as the date of approval is the beginning of the separation period. If they both go to the judge with an agreement in hand as to how much monetary support he will provide, who will have the house (if they own) etc, then all that is needed is for them to wait for the three years to be up then petition to have the judge make the divorce official. My fiancé did also say that the fact that he has left the marital home will work against him. As well as the fact that he has his own business, he will pay a substantial amount in alimony and child support. He thinks that if they own the home that the house will go to your sister and the kids. One thing he did say your sister should remember is that Italian law 99% of the time favors the women and children, except in the rare cases of if the mother is engaging in something illegal. But your sister NEEDS to obtain an attorney. I went through this with my fiancé after his wife had filed for divorce (and the person who files does not receive any benefits from being the one to file). It is a long and complicated process and he was grateful that he had an attorney. He says that in Italy there is nothing that can be done on your own when it comes to the law. Also, if there is no agreement, before going in front of the judge to ask for separation, regarding how much he will be paying to support the house and children, then the judge will make the decision as to how much he will pay. 
I hope this helps your sister. I know firsthand how it feels to be in this situation, worrying about your children and how you're going to support them and angry that their father is not doing what he is supposed to be doing for them. Luckily for me I was married and divorced in the US so the process was very quick. I wish her all the luck, and if you have anymore questions I will always ask my fiancé since he's Italian and lives there and knows about how this all works.


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## mickisue1

I don't mean to sound harsh.

But you are in the UK and your sister is in Italy. The first thing she needs to do is get information herself.

If she teaches English, can one assume that she has a good working knowledge of Italian? If so, she can certainly ask around for where to find the legal aid people, etc.

I divorced in the US, back in 1988. We didn't have internet searches, we didn't have nearly the access to information that anyone can have today. But we did have ears and eyes and mouths.

I asked friends for recommendations; I got the name of three attorneys. I went to the library, and read state law about divorce, about spousal maintenance and child support; we had four small kids and I knew that my soon to be ex would be difficult.

Over the years, he took me back to court five more times, in attempts to pay less or no child support. But by finding and having a good attorney in the first place, and by having the knowledge to calmly tell him, politely, where to stick his ideas, I was able to maintain a decent home for my kids, even during the year when he stopped paying at all, and I had to resort to legal aid, because I couldn't afford my own attorney at that point.

Support your sister, but don't try to do this for her. I know it's hard when someone you love is so far away. But she'll be able to make better decisions, for herself and her kids, if she starts to think of herself NOW as being responsible for making good decisions based on good information and she knows where to get that information, because she sought it out herself.


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## Yalumba2

Sorry, in only getting back to you.

Has your sister spoken to or found an avvocato yet? If not she needs to do it now. Just get a couple of names of family law solicitors and do it. The longer you wait the stronger the husband's case will be.
I really don't get why you are writing for your sister. Does she speak enough Italian to speak to an Italian solicitor? If not then get the lsist of legal aid solicitors from the embassy.
She must tell the solicitor that she doesn't earn enough and needs gratuito patrocinio - legal aid, and many solicitors don't represent legal aid clients, so check firts before you make appointment, save time and disappointment.
When she goes to the solicitor she must give as much information as possible about finances, how much her ex earns, how much it costs to keep the family, all bills everything - get this worked out beforehand, dates/records/doctor's visits of physical abuse, anyone who wants to make a statement on her behalf.
This is nothing to do with the UK, unless her children were born in the UK?
Daily money? This is a joke, and your sister needs to really take legal action. He has to pay maintenance by law. 
I'm not sure you understand separation and divorce:
2 people decide to separate, one usually leaves the marital home - (in Italy very often this is a luxury and not a reality), through one or 2 solicitors they go to court and become legally separated, after roughly 3 years one of them goes back to a solicitor and applies to divorce. 
I hope this is clear.
Is your sister okay, I mean is she ill in some way. I'm not being flippant, just it's very strange all this.
She must go to a solicitor and start legal proceedings immediately, putting it off will only make it worse.
Confront it.


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