# Has anyone thought they had made a big mistake by moving to NZ - what did you do?



## Caz00

Im a 26 year old single f and moved to tauranga last year and I have really struggled. Kiwis are nice but not very friendly. I moved in with 2 girls but neither was vey friendly either. I have joined a netball team, went to the gym, tried to organise things with the few people I have met and nothing has come of it.

I think on major factor is that I work with people who are twice my age and we have nothing in common so it makes work a chore, which is a major disappointment for me. Also tauranga is very cliquey and I am not part of it! so no one lets you in.

Before I came here I thought it would be a fresh new start, particularly as things are kinda tough in the UK right now. But I think I have a made a massive mistake and I am thinking of buying a one way ticket back to the UK. I am not sure what to do. 

I spend my friday and saturday nights on my own - with nothing to do/no where to go, i never thought it would be like this. I never thought i could be 26 and have no friends.

Has anyone gone through the same thing or does anyone have any ideas of what I can do.


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## mikesurf

Hi there, sorry to hear about your problems. I had a similar experience while living there but at least I had a partner to go home to at the end of the day. It can be very lonely when you have moved so far and don't know anybody. Work wise I had similar issues and had nothing in common with anyone I worked with.

Kiwis can be quite closed off when it comes to making friends and you always feel as though they have some sort of miss trust, especially when it comes to the English, who I think generally they don't like very much. I think you have to remember that most people you meet will already have a group of friends and therefore don't have the need to make new ones like you do.

This was one of the reasons, among many, why we left New Zealand and headed back to Europe.

I hope it works out for you one way or another.


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## mia5

Caz00 said:


> Im a 26 year old single f and moved to tauranga last year and I have really struggled. Kiwis are nice but not very friendly. I moved in with 2 girls but neither was vey friendly either. I have joined a netball team, went to the gym, tried to organise things with the few people I have met and nothing has come of it.
> 
> I think on major factor is that I work with people who are twice my age and we have nothing in common so it makes work a chore, which is a major disappointment for me. Also tauranga is very cliquey and I am not part of it! so no one lets you in.
> 
> Before I came here I thought it would be a fresh new start, particularly as things are kinda tough in the UK right now. But I think I have a made a massive mistake and I am thinking of buying a one way ticket back to the UK. I am not sure what to do.
> 
> I spend my friday and saturday nights on my own - with nothing to do/no where to go, i never thought it would be like this. I never thought i could be 26 and have no friends.
> 
> Has anyone gone through the same thing or does anyone have any ideas of what I can do.


Hi Caz00 , 
Sorry to hear your not happy , can I ask what do you do for a job ? Sometimes it doesn't matter where you are in the world , sometimes you find people aren't as friendly as you'd like them to be or are to busy to socialize . I think that when you are in your home country you feel safer because there is always some one you know . I hope you find some good friends soon and enjoy NZ and make that fresh start you were hoping for . I think your very brave for doing everything you have done already . Keep smiling


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## Moyes

Hi Caz00,

Sorry to hear that you are not enjoying your time there. You are not alone as i have heard this from plenty other migrants who have moved to NZ and experienced the same treatment as you.

I would suggest you try out a different place like Auckland or Wellington. There are a lot more expats in these cities and a lot more activities to get involved in. If you are still not enjoying yourself, then I would recommend you try a different country that interests you or head home. Life is too short to live in a miserable place.

Sounds rich coming from me because I am not entirely happy in Auckland either. I think it has got to do with the fact that i miss my family and friends back home and the weather here is nothing to write home about.. Summer is alright.

I don't have many positive experiences about small towns in NZ. Good for a one or two day visit but not to live.


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## jsharbuck

Motes. Don't know if you saw but there is another thread on someone wanting to meet people in Tauranga. Age 27, 28. With no kids.


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## anski

Are there any Singles clubs or events? Could be a way to meet people away from groups of friends or families.

We found friends were harder to make in the 10 years we spent in Auckland, moved to Napier & already have a few friends. Although there do seem to be more people here that are retired like us, so that could be the clue.


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## Toni in Auckland

Caz00 said:


> Im a 26 year old single f and moved to tauranga last year and I have really struggled. Kiwis are nice but not very friendly. I moved in with 2 girls but neither was vey friendly either. I have joined a netball team, went to the gym, tried to organise things with the few people I have met and nothing has come of it.
> 
> I think on major factor is that I work with people who are twice my age and we have nothing in common so it makes work a chore, which is a major disappointment for me. Also tauranga is very cliquey and I am not part of it! so no one lets you in.
> 
> Before I came here I thought it would be a fresh new start, particularly as things are kinda tough in the UK right now. But I think I have a made a massive mistake and I am thinking of buying a one way ticket back to the UK. I am not sure what to do.
> 
> I spend my friday and saturday nights on my own - with nothing to do/no where to go, i never thought it would be like this. I never thought i could be 26 and have no friends.
> 
> Has anyone gone through the same thing or does anyone have any ideas of what I can do.


I fully understand what you mean about the cliquey thing, I had that problem even in a big (by New Zealand standards) city like Auckland. People are superficially nice enough but never really let you in. I've had people on this forum tell me that's my fault - somehow I was giving off bad vibes because I didn't like the place. Totally wrong of course, I've never had problem making friends or fitting in anywhere else. My inability to make true friends in Auckland was so hard to come to terms with, as I'm such a social person. After exploring all my options my eventual solution was to admit I was onto a dud and do what everyone else does: I left for Australia! I was lucky to be offered three different jobs and ended up choosing the one with the least salary because I liked the location, the people I'd be working with and the work promised to be very interesting. I still earn a lot more than I was getting in Auckland and can now afford to buy my own place. Life is looking good, i have a great circle of friends and find the people here very relaxed and easy to get on with. If you're feeling like a square peg in a round hole the solution is easy, find a square hole that fits you rather than trying to force yourself in. Flag it girl and move on.


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## walshdon

We have the issue of living cost being so high compared with the uk. We knew it was high but I guess until you have tried it you would never really know. To get a decent house in Auckland would be double the amount of a house in the uk, this doesn't work when you are paid less than back home. At least we can say we had the minerals to try it instead of wishing we had.


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## Caz00

Toni in Auckland said:


> I fully understand what you mean about the cliquey thing, I had that problem even in a big (by New Zealand standards) city like Auckland. People are superficially nice enough but never really let you in. I've had people on this forum tell me that's my fault - somehow I was giving off bad vibes because I didn't like the place. Totally wrong of course, I've never had problem making friends or fitting in anywhere else. My inability to make true friends in Auckland was so hard to come to terms with, as I'm such a social person. After exploring all my options my eventual solution was to admit I was onto a dud and do what everyone else does: I left for Australia! I was lucky to be offered three different jobs and ended up choosing the one with the least salary because I liked the location, the people I'd be working with and the work promised to be very interesting. I still earn a lot more than I was getting in Auckland and can now afford to buy my own place. Life is looking good, i have a great circle of friends and find the people here very relaxed and easy to get on with. If you're feeling like a square peg in a round hole the solution is easy, find a square hole that fits you rather than trying to force yourself in. Flag it girl and move on.


Thanks, I am looking in to movin to Australia or Canada, the pay seems to be much higher and there are more ppl and hopefully more things to do. Can I ask where in Australia you are or where you would recommend for young ppl.


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## Caz00

jsharbuck said:


> Motes. Don't know if you saw but there is another thread on someone wanting to meet people in Tauranga. Age 27, 28. With no kids.


tried to contact them, no luck


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## Caz00

mikesurf said:


> Hi there, sorry to hear about your problems. I had a similar experience while living there but at least I had a partner to go home to at the end of the day. It can be very lonely when you have moved so far and don't know anybody. Work wise I had similar issues and had nothing in common with anyone I worked with.
> 
> Kiwis can be quite closed off when it comes to making friends and you always feel as though they have some sort of miss trust, especially when it comes to the English, who I think generally they don't like very much. I think you have to remember that most people you meet will already have a group of friends and therefore don't have the need to make new ones like you do.
> 
> This was one of the reasons, among many, why we left New Zealand and headed back to Europe.
> 
> I hope it works out for you one way or another.


Ive spoken to lots of british expats here and they tell to move to Wellington or even Aussie. They made the move for family lifestyle and for young children i can see the attraction but for singles or those without kids i cant really see it. And one thing that I feel is surprising is that most of the expats dont have (many) friends here they spend there time tramping, fishing, biking etc with either a partner or on their own. They dont have a social life as such.


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## topcat83

Caz00 said:


> Ive spoken to lots of british expats here and they tell to move to Wellington or even Aussie. They made the move for family lifestyle and for young children i can see the attraction but for singles or those without kids i cant really see it. And one thing that I feel is surprising is that most of the expats dont have (many) friends here they spend there time tramping, fishing, biking etc with either a partner or on their own. They dont have a social life as such.


Not all of us though. Can't say we tramp, fish or bike. But we certainly have friends and socialise!


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## kentuk

Hi caz. I can relate a bit to how you feel. I've been living in Wellington for about 3 years now. 29 yr old female with a partner but I do miss my girl friends back in the UK sometimes. I've made a couple of friends here but like you I work with a small bunch of people and most are men twice my age. If you are ever in Wellington let me know. We could meet up for a coffee. Also I have a friend from the UK who is a single 29 year old Female and she lives in Wellington and loves it. She seems to have a very busy social life.


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## Toni in Auckland

Caz00 said:


> Ive spoken to lots of british expats here and they tell to move to Wellington or even Aussie. They made the move for family lifestyle and for young children i can see the attraction but for singles or those without kids i cant really see it. And one thing that I feel is surprising is that most of the expats dont have (many) friends here they spend there time tramping, fishing, biking etc with either a partner or on their own. They dont have a social life as such.


As a young single I fell qualified to answer this question. Social life for singles in New Zealand revolves around drinking as much as you can as fast as you can and then getting harassed to spend the night with someone, as if you're abnormal for saying no. In mixed occasions the men will booze in one area and the women in another. I wouldn't call that a social life.


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## pipimonster

Hey Caz, Ive lived here for 4 years now and know exaclty what you mean I feel like i had heaps of friends in uk and really struggle to make close friends, bit harder with quakes as so many friends have moved away. Ive done the out dorsy things too walking, skiing, kiting but still feel social life is quite lacking. Im looking to move but can't decide where!


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## gnolanman

Hi Caz,

I've been looking through this thread and have to say it doesn't sound like a nice situation to find yourself in. I've recently come back from Melbourne after being there for a year so I would highly recommend you check it out. It's got everything, there's never a minute when there's not something to do.
I've just been approved my 1 year WH visa for NZ so I'm heading to Auckland in August. I'd be going back to Melbourne in a heartbeat if they'd just let me back in so I've just gotta go and check it out. There's no harm in saying f*ck it if things aren't working out but in my experience things always turn around even when it seems they never will.

Take care


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## jenswaters

topcat83 said:


> Not all of us though. Can't say we tramp, fish or bike. But we certainly have friends and socialise!


Damn right, Topcat!!! Have seriously enjoyed some very good socialising with you guys


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## jenswaters

Caz00 said:


> Im a 26 year old single f and moved to tauranga last year and I have really struggled. Kiwis are nice but not very friendly. I moved in with 2 girls but neither was vey friendly either. I have joined a netball team, went to the gym, tried to organise things with the few people I have met and nothing has come of it.
> 
> I think on major factor is that I work with people who are twice my age and we have nothing in common so it makes work a chore, which is a major disappointment for me. Also tauranga is very cliquey and I am not part of it! so no one lets you in.
> 
> Before I came here I thought it would be a fresh new start, particularly as things are kinda tough in the UK right now. But I think I have a made a massive mistake and I am thinking of buying a one way ticket back to the UK. I am not sure what to do.
> 
> I spend my friday and saturday nights on my own - with nothing to do/no where to go, i never thought it would be like this. I never thought i could be 26 and have no friends.
> 
> Has anyone gone through the same thing or does anyone have any ideas of what I can do.


Oh you pooooooor thing!!!!! Having been someone who lived their life with their GF's, coming here can be a culture shock, where people do seem to start families young, and don't "go hard" like we do in the UK (my week wasn't complete without at least 1 night out!!!). 
I wish I had seen this thread sooner, as I was living in Tauranga up until 2 weeks ago, but have just moved over to Ohope (over the hill from Whakatane). Tauranga is quite "worky" and transient for a 20-something single female with no kids. You would find a lot more going on at the Mount. You would meet a lot more people, especially your own age, although I have found the Mount to be more "clicky" than Tauranga ($$$$$ can be a key factor in 20-something females, although not all of them). 

Suggestions??? A possible move within NZ?? If you want a more active social life you may want to move to a busier area, like Auckland or Hamilton. Honestly, you will struggle to find people who are similar to what you had in the UK. A lot of Kiwi women "go hard" during uni years, then settle down and marry quite soon after. A friend of mine who moved over a year ago has had a difficult time adjusting, and says the thing she misses most is her GF's, getting tarted up and going for a really good blowout on the booze and dance floor!!! An even though I am married with 3 kids, I TOTALLY knew where she was coming from. Yes, it happens here, but not on the regular basis like in the UK. I have adjusted, and now rally my GF's together maybe twice a year. But getting those GF's...hard, and takes time. I feel for you


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## WannaBeInOZ08

Hi. 25yr old Female currently living in Auckland (past 3 years) just getting ready to relocate to New Plymouth on the west coast. It took me a while but I can honestly say i have met friends. Got married here this year and had lovely group of kiwis come to my wedding! I may be able to ut you in touch with another UK woman down there who has a small child feeling a bit lonely too? She is about our age and maybe she will be able to help??


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## MrsRose

Toni in Auckland said:


> As a young single I fell qualified to answer this question. Social life for singles in New Zealand revolves around drinking as much as you can as fast as you can and then getting harassed to spend the night with someone, as if you're abnormal for saying no. In mixed occasions the men will booze in one area and the women in another. I wouldn't call that a social life.


Sounds just like the States. Typical "big city" social life for young singles in the US is pretty much exactly what is described in the above quote. I imagine that's probably the typical social scene for young single in any modern, westernized country.


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## Toni in Auckland

Most big cities have parts like this, even those here in Australia. In general I find the scene here more laid back, not so strident and there's more variety. Boozing and partying has a place but it is good to have something else to chose from. I greatly enjoy comedy clubs, jazz bars, eclectic back street music clubs, classical theatre and modern dance (I almost pursued a career in dance) and appreciate places where I can have a little of all of it, and enjoy it with friends and good company without getting hit on every five minutes.


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## Donna9159

I looked at the other posts and people have made some good suggestions. I think you need to find some other Brits or expats from elsewhere that are in your age group. You are bound to have something in common even if it is only that you all find the Kiwi's standoff-ish. I find that interesting given that so many of them go off for their great OE and are "embraced" by people around the world. Some actions simply don't translate.

Look, my advice is it is early days and you are young. I moved to Australia from the UK at 17 and my first few years were difficult. I thought of going home often. I missed my friends, may family, the local pub.... 3 years later it started to change and now you couldn't get me back to the UK if you paid me. I have since lived in other countries for work. Came to NZ as my partner liked it and guess what....most of our friends are English or expats from elsewhere.

Try to stick it out. You will eventually find your place. Tauranga is a bit of a retirement place and likely not the best at your age. Have you considered a move - Wellington maybe? Also, have you considered taking a course that will lead to a new profession? That is the place we often make some great friends.

I really wish you well. You are as one other person said, "Very Brave".


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## spiderpig

Caz00, are you still about in Tauranga?


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## Kellie85

old post i no , but i feel the same way , cant seem to get ahead in a social scene , joined gym sport club yadda yadda, highly depressing when youve moved from the social gold coast to tauranga. im thinking of moving but dont no where , dont really no what else to do to meet people


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## Caz00

Kellie85 said:


> old post i no , but i feel the same way , cant seem to get ahead in a social scene , joined gym sport club yadda yadda, highly depressing when youve moved from the social gold coast to tauranga. im thinking of moving but dont no where , dont really no what else to do to meet people


I decided to cut my losses and return to the UK. Im working here and enjoying time with my family. Im planning to go to Sydney or Melbourne next year (if I can get a job). Ive researched it and they seem like to the places to be for young people. I did the same as you, joining the gym, played netball etc but it was a waste of time and I was tired of coming home and being lonely in the evenings and weekends.

I would suggest moving but Im not sure where in NZ because I found that many young people in NZ have settled down and have children by the time their 25/26 so I didn't have anything in common with them plus I didn't want to be the single one that tagged along all of the time, (but I'm not sure if they felt like that though)

let me no what you decide.


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## kazemstein

The problem is not with Kiwis the problem is your single, get a grabhold of someone , whose there for you and is good. And start a new life. You ll enjoy . i was almost in similar dilema couple of years when i moved , i was single and it was tough.


Caz00 said:


> Im a 26 year old single f and moved to tauranga last year and I have really struggled. Kiwis are nice but not very friendly. I moved in with 2 girls but neither was vey friendly either. I have joined a netball team, went to the gym, tried to organise things with the few people I have met and nothing has come of it.
> 
> I think on major factor is that I work with people who are twice my age and we have nothing in common so it makes work a chore, which is a major disappointment for me. Also tauranga is very cliquey and I am not part of it! so no one lets you in.
> 
> Before I came here I thought it would be a fresh new start, particularly as things are kinda tough in the UK right now. But I think I have a made a massive mistake and I am thinking of buying a one way ticket back to the UK. I am not sure what to do.
> 
> I spend my friday and saturday nights on my own - with nothing to do/no where to go, i never thought it would be like this. I never thought i could be 26 and have no friends.
> 
> Has anyone gone through the same thing or does anyone have any ideas of what I can do.


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## topcat83

kazemstein said:


> The problem is not with Kiwis the problem is your single, get a grabhold of someone , whose there for you and is good. And start a new life. You ll enjoy . i was almost in similar dilema couple of years when i moved , i was single and it was tough.


What a shame though that it still seems that women are still expected to find a man 'to fit in'. 
Seems wrong to me.


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