# Mum running away to Spain



## mag.w (Dec 16, 2021)

I wanted to ask if there is anyone who is a professional, with family, reputable job and/or just a stable life in the UK etc, who one beautiful day simply decided to move away and successfully managed to do so…
I first decided I might need Spain as my “escape” in January 2019 and bought a house on brand new development, which is due to be completed in just a few months time. Fast forwarding to end of 2021 and I am considering moving to Spain before the completion, basically now, to give myself a little bit of time and breathing room (life has been crazy in the UK) from the multiple businesses (I cannot retire and will have to continue working) and to start my youngest daughter (7) in primary school in Spain (private or public). 
She has been at an independent school in the UK since school age and I pulled her out two weeks ago after two years of bullying and abuse and battling this with the school management to no avail. I am mentally exhausted and although I know that Spain is not a paradise (I understand life is not a holiday and lived in another country before moving to the UK at the age of 20) and travelled the world, I am still hoping that it is possible to improve the quality of life once there… The daunting part is not just the move, but also the fact that my son (14) and dad would both stay home in the UK. The soonest they would be able to join us is after my son’s GCSEs in 1 1/2 time…

I do feel like I am running away, but perhaps running away can sometimes somehow be turned into something positive… has anyone managed…?

We have UK as well as EU citizenships (apart from my daughter but it is formality) so being in EU is not an issue. We do not speak a word of Spanish (well apart from my son who is doing Spanish for GCSE)

Thank you. X


----------



## kaipa (Aug 3, 2013)

I understand your motives. If your son and partner are okay with you and your daughter moving then that is good- although I would imagine leaving your son cant be easy. Spain is what it is and I imagine that your belief that life will improve can only be based on the weather as you are not moving for work, family, education, language etc. That said, maybe that will work for you but living somewhere without friends and family and in a foreign country where everything is new will be just as hectic and hard as the problems facing you in UK. My personal opinion is no one finds themselves in Spain because it is Spain, they find themselves because events push them towards new situations which require new solutions and new adaptations and in the process new skills and new achievements arise. This is not guaranteed though- many young families will struggle as families need to integrate and that means language learning and jettisoning your cultural comfort zones. For many money is the biggest issue however as this doesn't appear to be a problem for you you will have an advantage. One thing I will say- the weather thing will wear off after a few years. Today its freezing. Flats are not cosy in the winter in Spain and electricity is hellishly expensive- so I'm yearning for a nice coal fire and a hot bath just now. July/August- 37 degrees- well that's another story. Good luck


----------



## Overandout (Nov 10, 2012)

Moving with young children is on one hand a good idea because they have the time to learn the language and "get up to speed" before the serious education cycles kick in. On the other hand though it can be very tough. We moved to Spain (for the second time) in 2016 when our youngest son was 4 and his integration into Spanish schooling was extremely stressful for him (and hence for us as parents) and that was not just a language issue because although he had been schooled in English up till then, we had spoken mainly Spanish at home so he did have some knowledge of the language.
If your daughter is coming from a stressful and challenging situation, I would be very wary of putting her through such a change because instead of solving a problem you could just be substituting one for another.
Probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but I do find these posts which say "the young kids will be fine becasue they learn quickly" quite worrying. Yes, they do learn quickly (by adult standards), in 18 months my son was fully up to speed and doing OK, but 18 months took him to almost 6 years old and that stressful learning / adaptation period actually represented about 25% of his entire life at that point in time.


----------



## kaipa (Aug 3, 2013)

I totally agee with Pesky. I came to Spain with my 10 year old son. People rely on the glib response Oh the kids pick the language up in no time. Absolute nonsense usually delivered by non- Spanish speaking parents who obviously have no idea what their kids level or ability with Spanish is. My son had zero Spanish, although his mother was fluent speaker. The first 2 years were very very stressful for my kid. But kids show this in less direct ways than adults, as they simply don't really know what is happening. That's why parents fail to understand things. Anyway if you are going to bring your kid to a Spanish school expect a hard couple of years and get learning Spanish yourself as you cant expect the school to be explaining everything in English to you. I guess that is probably why some parents elect for a private international school- but then what's the point in moving. It's one thing moving as an adult on your own and a whole other with a family


----------



## mag.w (Dec 16, 2021)

Many thanks. I have no intention of sending my daughter to a local Spanish school. It will be a British school, that’s what she wants, following UK curriculum and lessons are taught in English. She has a place secure now, it is an independent school, if I could find a local public English taught school I would consider it, but do not think anything as such exists.
I understand why people send their kids into mainstream education and I am sure most children benefit from it hugely, but it is not for us.


----------



## mag.w (Dec 16, 2021)

kaipa said:


> I understand your motives. If your son and partner are okay with you and your daughter moving then that is good- although I would imagine leaving your son cant be easy. Spain is what it is and I imagine that your belief that life will improve can only be based on the weather as you are not moving for work, family, education, language etc. That said, maybe that will work for you but living somewhere without friends and family and in a foreign country where everything is new will be just as hectic and hard as the problems facing you in UK. My personal opinion is no one finds themselves in Spain because it is Spain, they find themselves because events push them towards new situations which require new solutions and new adaptations and in the process new skills and new achievements arise. This is not guaranteed though- many young families will struggle as families need to integrate and that means language learning and jettisoning your cultural comfort zones. For many money is the biggest issue however as this doesn't appear to be a problem for you you will have an advantage. One thing I will say- the weather thing will wear off after a few years. Today its freezing. Flats are not cosy in the winter in Spain and electricity is hellishly expensive- so I'm yearning for a nice coal fire and a hot bath just now. July/August- 37 degrees- well that's another story. Good luck


Thank you, how freezing is freezing for you? 
If cannot be any worse than here.
I have spent some time in Spain during different seasons, I am aware how hot it gets in the summer (I love it) and I like the spring and autumn too. You are right, weather is one of the main aspects, but not the only one of course. X
Electricity prices in the UK are absolutely disgustingly high, I do not think anyone in Spain would ever spend quite as much and we heat up the house pretty much all year round. Maybe except 2 months.


----------



## kaipa (Aug 3, 2013)

mag.w said:


> Thank you, how freezing is freezing for you?
> If cannot be any worse than here.
> I have spent some time in Spain during different seasons, I am aware how hot it gets in the summer (I love it) and I like the spring and autumn too. You are right, weather is one of the main aspects, but not the only one of course. X
> Electricity prices in the UK are absolutely disgustingly high, I do not think anyone in Spain would ever spend quite as much and we heat up the house pretty much all year round. Maybe except 2 months.


Other than weather though what are the other reasons?


----------



## mag.w (Dec 16, 2021)

1. Sense of freedom
2. Much more aesthetic surroundings (I am a designer and what’s around me changes the way I think, feel, work)
3. My daughter learning Spanish at a young age (7)
4. Setting up a base and testing life in Spain before we all move (my son joining after GCSEs and expressing interest in international college in Spain)
5. New culture, people, adventure, fabulous seafood and food
6. Downgrading, downsizing and simplifying (expenses, way of living, more real way of life which I experience in Spain or generally in Europe)
7. I am a dual citizenship but European at heart. My family heritage links to Poland where I travel once a year or so (my parents live between Poland and Spain). They will support us in Spain when needed, however my dad had a serious operation and therefore I do not rely on them returning to Spain anytime soon.


----------



## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

Living in Spain has its drawbacks but on the whole I found it a good place to start a new life (I would say "reinvent myself" but that sounds a bit pretentious). I moved from a big city in England to a small rural town in Andalucia where the whole attitude to life is different. It took a while but I learned to relax and live for the present rather than stressing over the past or worrying about the future. The simple lifestyle, good food, natural beauty and winter sunshine help keep me cheerful but the biggest factor is the community I've become part of over the years. It is SO different from what I was used to before - money and status come a distant second to solidarity and generosity. People are judged on how they treat other people, not how much they earn. Sounds like a cliché and maybe I've just been lucky to pitch up in the right place, but I've no regrets whatsoever about moving here. Go for it!


----------



## Megsmum (Sep 9, 2012)

Alcalaina said:


> Living in Spain has its drawbacks but on the whole I found it a good place to start a new life (I would say "reinvent myself" but that sounds a bit pretentious). I moved from a big city in England to a small rural town in Andalucia where the whole attitude to life is different. It took a while but I learned to relax and live for the present rather than stressing over the past or worrying about the future. The simple lifestyle, good food, natural beauty and winter sunshine help keep me cheerful but the biggest factor is the community I've become part of over the years. It is SO different from what I was used to before - money and status come a distant second to solidarity and generosity. *People are judged on how they treat other people, not how much they earn. *Sounds like a cliché and maybe I've just been lucky to pitch up in the right place, but I've no regrets whatsoever about moving here. Go for it!


So true. 

Wouldn't want to live anywhere else from a community point of view


----------



## mag.w (Dec 16, 2021)

Alcalaina said:


> Living in Spain has its drawbacks but on the whole I found it a good place to start a new life (I would say "reinvent myself" but that sounds a bit pretentious). I moved from a big city in England to a small rural town in Andalucia where the whole attitude to life is different. It took a while but I learned to relax and live for the present rather than stressing over the past or worrying about the future. The simple lifestyle, good food, natural beauty and winter sunshine help keep me cheerful but the biggest factor is the community I've become part of over the years. It is SO different from what I was used to before - money and status come a distant second to solidarity and generosity. People are judged on how they treat other people, not how much they earn. Sounds like a cliché and maybe I've just been lucky to pitch up in the right place, but I've no regrets whatsoever about moving here. Go for it!


Such a lovely post from you, thank you. You are clearly a very warm individual and would find happiness anywhere. Did you move over there with family or by yourself? Do you work or lucky enough to have retired? Hope the questions are not too intrusive. X
I will definitely be moving, worse comes to worse if I do not like it for all year round it will be some part of it, but it is all about the timing, may not be immediately as hoped - allegedly Spain has closed it’s borders for unvaccinated and it will not be until end of Feb when I am classified as fully vaccinated.


----------



## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

mag.w said:


> Such a lovely post from you, thank you. You are clearly a very warm individual and would find happiness anywhere. Did you move over there with family or by yourself? Do you work or lucky enough to have retired? Hope the questions are not too intrusive. X
> I will definitely be moving, worse comes to worse if I do not like it for all year round it will be some part of it, but it is all about the timing, may not be immediately as hoped - allegedly Spain has closed it’s borders for unvaccinated and it will not be until end of Feb when I am classified as fully vaccinated.


Yes, only the fully vaccinated can enter Spain from the UK atm. Fully vaccinated is two jabs Pfizer, Moderna or AZ , or one Jansenn.


----------



## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

mag.w said:


> Such a lovely post from you, thank you. You are clearly a very warm individual and would find happiness anywhere. Did you move over there with family or by yourself? Do you work or lucky enough to have retired? Hope the questions are not too intrusive. X
> I will definitely be moving, worse comes to worse if I do not like it for all year round it will be some part of it, but it is all about the timing, may not be immediately as hoped - allegedly Spain has closed it’s borders for unvaccinated and it will not be until end of Feb when I am classified as fully vaccinated.


Thanks! I moved here with my husband in 2008 when we both took early retirement. I wouldn't consider myself a warm individual but living here has made me a nicer person I think, certainly more sociable!


----------



## ALKB (Jan 20, 2012)

mag.w said:


> I wanted to ask if there is anyone who is a professional, with family, reputable job and/or just a stable life in the UK etc, who one beautiful day simply decided to move away and successfully managed to do so…
> I first decided I might need Spain as my “escape” in January 2019 and bought a house on brand new development, which is due to be completed in just a few months time. Fast forwarding to end of 2021 and I am considering moving to Spain before the completion, basically now, to give myself a little bit of time and breathing room (life has been crazy in the UK) from the multiple businesses (I cannot retire and will have to continue working) and to start my youngest daughter (7) in primary school in Spain (private or public).
> She has been at an independent school in the UK since school age and I pulled her out two weeks ago after two years of bullying and abuse and battling this with the school management to no avail. I am mentally exhausted and although I know that Spain is not a paradise (I understand life is not a holiday and lived in another country before moving to the UK at the age of 20) and travelled the world, I am still hoping that it is possible to improve the quality of life once there… The daunting part is not just the move, but also the fact that my son (14) and dad would both stay home in the UK. The soonest they would be able to join us is after my son’s GCSEs in 1 1/2 time…
> 
> ...


I moved internationally with children while my husband stayed home/elsewhere and it's definitely doable, albeit stressful.

One of my moves was with a toddler who had barely started to walk and I was infinitely thankful for my 9-year-old daughter at the time, who could take her little sister by the hand while I was hauling boxes up stairs. You have a definite advantage with a 7-year-old (and probably funds to pay someone to haul those boxes ).

On the other hand, I was used to doing things on my own since my husband works internationally a lot and I am used to him being in a different country for six months or even longer t a stretch.

One thing to watch out for is, that when you only move part of the family, that your experiences while you are apart will split you a bit into two groups simply by the different realities you live. Building a new life in another country will have you develop your own new routines that your husband and son will not be part/aware of and reuniting and subsequently finding your feet in a way that works for all family members can be a bit bumpy.


----------

