# Spanish Greeting Protocol



## ptjd (May 27, 2015)

Having been to Spain a few dozen times over the decades but most of that was on business. My wife and I had just purchased a Apartment in Malaga this past July and plan to move next year.
In the past I got by with a hand shake but since we are getting acclimated to the Spanish lifestyle wanted to know the proper "Greeting". Every time we met our realtors wife, we did the "Cheek to Cheek" greeting, also when I met the sellers wife at closing same thing.
But not sure of proper Protocol as in do we do this with everyone we are introduced to? I am so used to a handshake that I do not want to offend anyone by reaching out with my cheeks! Does any of this make sense? I assume I continue to reach out my hands when I meet a British, German, American etc... but curious about meeting locals.
To me the "Cheek to Cheek" seems like it can get awkward if not expected.


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

ptjd said:


> Having been to Spain a few dozen times over the decades but most of that was on business. My wife and I had just purchased a Apartment in Malaga this past July and plan to move next year.
> In the past I got by with a hand shake but since we are getting acclimated to the Spanish lifestyle wanted to know the proper "Greeting". Every time we met our realtors wife, we did the "Cheek to Cheek" greeting, also when I met the sellers wife at closing same thing.
> But not sure of proper Protocol as in do we do this with everyone we are introduced to? I am so used to a handshake that I do not want to offend anyone by reaching out with my cheeks! Does any of this make sense? I assume I continue to reach out my hands when I meet a British, German, American etc... but curious about meeting locals.
> To me the "Cheek to Cheek" seems like it can get awkward if not expected.


just take your lead from whoever you're being introduced to!!

you can put your hand out to shake, & be drawn in for the _dos besitos _(cheek to cheek as you call it) that way 

or not

btw - it isn't just women who do this - men will also, even with another man

and although there are many & varied long-winded verbal greetings - the easiest on first meeting is just to say _encantada _if you're female, &_ encantado_ if you're male - it doesn't matter what the gender of the other person is, & you don't have to get your bragas in a bunch about formal & informal Spanish


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## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

I usually stick my hand out to pre-empt anyone attempting to kiss me. They aren't offended, they know Brits are weird and don't like kissing strangers.


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## Lynn R (Feb 21, 2014)

I have found that most Spaniards (there are a few exceptions) will not offer the "dos besitos" on a first meeting, but will wait until they know you a little better. A handshake or arm clasp is more usual on first being introduced. Perhaps if you were being introduced to them by another Spaniard who already knows you well, or a member of their family, they would kiss you then.


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## Rabbitcat (Aug 31, 2014)

Under no circumstances assume because of this custom you can just walk up to any gorgeous looking señorita and just snog her . It doesn't work that way.

Rabbitcat 
Prisoner 47654385
Segregated Offenders Unit
Malaga Prison


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## ptjd (May 27, 2015)

OK, this clears it up a little more. Thanks all, we visit in November next, I'll keep my handshake ready until I meet someone I know or cute!


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## el romeral (May 8, 2012)

xabiachica said:


> and although there are many & varied long-winded verbal greetings - the easiest on first meeting is just to say _encantada _if you're female, &_ encantado_ if you're male - it doesn't matter what the gender of the other person is,


Damn, I have been doing it wrong for years. I have been giving it "encantada" when meeting a woman. Oh dear.
A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing as they say. 
On that theme, many years ago on a particularly warm day, I came out with "estoy muy caliente" to our Spanish cleaning lady. Goodness knows what she must have thought? She left not that long afterwards!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Lynn R said:


> I have found that most Spaniards (there are a few exceptions) will not offer the "dos besitos" on a first meeting, but will wait until they know you a little better. A handshake or arm clasp is more usual on first being introduced. Perhaps if you were being introduced to them by another Spaniard who already knows you well, or a member of their family, they would kiss you then.


At work people tend to give a handshake now, but in the past it was more two kisses. That could be down to changing customs of the way women are treated, or the fact that I am obviously getting older!
Out of the office I find that most people, both men and women, give 2 kisses when they are introduced. I would be surprised if someone offered me their hand in an informal situation, except if it was an elderly man or someone pretty posh, although maybe this will happen too as time goes by.
I can only think that this is down to regional differences because I think Lynn and I are of a similar age.

In general though I would definitely agree with Xabiachica in that go with the flow, see what they do, and encantado/a always goes down well as a neutral greeting - not too formal or informal.
And I also agree with Alcalaina that if you really don't want the 2 kisses and stick your hand out you'll get away with it as many Spanish people have a very old fashioned idea of us, thinking that we are much more formal than they are, and that we're all terribly, terribly well mannered.


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## kalohi (May 6, 2012)

The way I have found it:

In an informal/social situation, two women cheek kiss. Two men shake hands. A man and a woman cheek kiss. So in other words, women always cheek kiss everyone, whereas men cheek kiss women but shake men's hands. The one exception is when the two men are family members or very close friends. Then they cheek kiss. 

In a formal/work situation, it's a grey area for the cheek kissing. Kissing is definitely on the more informal side and so I think it's never a bad idea to err on the side of formality and stick out a hand. I have run into some ackward moments when I have stuck out my hand and the other person has leaned in for a kiss and we've bumped heads. So we laugh and we chalk it up to me being the weird American. No biggie.


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## Calas felices (Nov 29, 2007)

_'Spanish people have a very old fashioned idea of us, thinking that we are much more formal than they are, and that we're all terribly, terribly well mannered. _'
There are still some of us left although maybe not in Spain.


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## The Skipper (Nov 26, 2014)

el romeral said:


> Damn, I have been doing it wrong for years. I have been giving it "encantada" when meeting a woman. Oh dear.
> A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing as they say.
> On that theme, many years ago on a particularly warm day, I came out with "estoy muy caliente" to our Spanish cleaning lady. Goodness knows what she must have thought? She left not that long afterwards!


Almost as bad as me telling the young lady in the shop that I needed some "*******" when, of course, I meant "cojines!"


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

Since the OP is American:- first off, forget any preconceived ideas of "personal space" In Spain, you don't have any, the concept of personal space does not exist. 

Male to male, once you know each other you will quite frequently get hugs (abrazos) and occasionally bristly cheeks meet (made me realise what females have to put up with) but very rarely there will be a kiss. Normally it is handshake on meeting and parting, e.g. with Doctor, the Mayor (alcalde), etc. and if with someone more familiar, the left hand goes on the other person's right shoulder (a very open hug!)

Male to female/ female to male, you are more likely to get offered a hand on first meeting but then it is likely to be kiss/kiss.

Female to female, invariably kiss/kiss.

Much depends on your own attitude as to how other will react to you. I even get hugs and kisses from the nuns!!!


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Today I was interviewing candidates (3 women) in a pharmaceutical company (level testing English). I shook hands with all candidates at the beginning and the end of the inteviews and one of those women insisted on giving me kisses...

The only men I've seen kiss are brothers/ sons/ grandparents in close families and usually on "Grand Occasions" like weddings, funerals, special get togethers...

There's a lot of touching that goes on as Baldi says.

But not as much as in Colombia !


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

Pesky Wesky;8242386
There's a lot of touching that goes on as Baldi says.
But not as much as in Colombia ![/QUOTE said:


> or Venezuela!


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## SPANGLIGH (Sep 12, 2015)

As Spanish and Andalusian man I completely agree with Kalohi.

Here in Andalusia, perhaps we're a little bit more familiar than in other parts of Spain and we normaly cheek kiss to women and shake hand to men. Obviously body language tells you about what the other person is going to do.

When you're on business, we always shake hands to men and women, unless you have a great relationship with businesswomen or businessmen is your relative.

Regarding English manners, we perhaps think you are very polite and that's why we don't want to put our foot in it and be unpolite.


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## deefitz (Apr 19, 2014)

SPANGLIGH said:


> Regarding English manners, we perhaps think you are very polite and that's why we don't want to put our foot in it and be unpolite.


Sadly, good manners are largely lost in the UK now. Men, women and children are growing increasingly rude with each generation.

I only hope they grow out of it as they get older or God help us all in years to come. I can just see pensioners swearing and fighting over the last packet of incontinence pads now :boxing:


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## Horlics (Sep 27, 2011)

Well, when it comes to kissing, we Brits are quite familiar with it these days, no? It seems everybody we meet in the UK does a hug and kiss thing nowadays. I'm not sure when this transition to people of the touchy-feely variety occurred.

As for Spain. Encantado/encantada is for the first meeting, right? You wouldn't use it with someone you've met before, or am I wrong? (I too used to say encantada.. rather than "o". Worst thing about learning a language... discovering all the things you've done wrong dozens of times).

With women it tends to be besitos. I have yet to be hugged and kissed by a Spanish man, it's always handshakes, thankfully.


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## Horlics (Sep 27, 2011)

Pesky Wesky said:


> .....But not as much as in Colombia !


Sadly I will never find out. We've just watched Narcos on Netflix and I wouldn't get my wife near the place after that!

Greetings there seem to be dos besitos, a hug, and a bullet. In the organised crime sector, at least 

And BTW, Narcos is English language but dialogue between Spanish speakers is in Spanish and is subtitled, and that's by far most of the speech. Those accents are tough, much much harder for me to understand than Spaniards. Anyway, off topic I know, but it's a good exercise for any learner.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

SPANGLIGH said:


> As Spanish and Andalusian man I completely agree with Kalohi.
> 
> Here in Andalusia, perhaps we're a little bit more familiar than in other parts of Spain and we normaly cheek kiss to women and shake hand to men. Obviously body language tells you about what the other person is going to do.
> 
> ...


I find people here in general to be politer than in the UK; I'd even say much politer, especially a lot (by no all means all) of the younger people.
I'm at a public university today and one young guy, can't be more than 23, but may be younger, introduced himself and shook my hand. I can't imagine that happening in the UK. It wouldn't happen here that often, the difference being, in my experience, that it can happen in Spain.
On the other hand there's the fame of the Spanish not conforming to the queue mentality and perhaps that's where people get the idea that Spanish people can be rude.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Horlics said:


> Sadly I will never find out. We've just watched Narcos on Netflix and I wouldn't get my wife near the place after that!
> 
> Greetings there seem to be dos besitos, a hug, and a bullet. In the organised crime sector, at least
> 
> And BTW, Narcos is English language but dialogue between Spanish speakers is in Spanish and is subtitled, and that's by far most of the speech. Those accents are tough, much much harder for me to understand than Spaniards. Anyway, off topic I know, but it's a good exercise for any learner.


When I was there, a long time ago it has to be said, Pablo Escobar and like had drug cartels all over the place and the Farc and M19 were fighting their guerrilla warfare.
I still had the best of times!! What a great country.
I very much I would go now though, with a more "mature" outlook on life.


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> I find people here in general to be politer than in the UK; I'd even say much politer, especially a lot (by no all means all) of the younger people.
> I'm at a public university today and one young guy, can't be more than 23, but may be younger, introduced himself and shook my hand. I can't imagine that happening in the UK. It wouldn't happen here that often, the difference being, in my experience, that it can happen in Spain.
> On the other hand there's the fame of the Spanish not conforming to the queue mentality and perhaps that's where people get the idea that Spanish people can be rude.


Of course they queue, but not in the American sense of a line up. Everyone who is ahead of you is queuing behind the person who was "la ultima" when he or she arrived and just like the Cleese/Barker/Corbet sketch, they all know their place.





I think that where the notion of rudeness arrives is they waste less time on frivolities. They say what they want to say. When we first arrived, a neighbour was showing the suegra around and she was very shocked when someone, speaking to the neighbour, said "And who is this?" indicating the suegra. Once introductions were made, the suegra was even more put out by getting besos (the suegra is American and has the 'personal space' thing)


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Pesky Wesky said:


> When I was there, a long time ago it has to be said, Pablo Escobar and like had drug cartels all over the place and the Farc and M19 were fighting their guerrilla warfare.
> I still had the best of times!! What a great country.
> I very much *doubt *I would go now though, with a more "mature" outlook on life.


Sorry, correction to previous post


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

Pesky Wesky said:


> When I was there, a long time ago it has to be said, Pablo Escobar and like had drug cartels all over the place and the Farc and M19 were fighting their guerrilla warfare.
> I still had the best of times!! What a great country.
> I very much I would go now though, with a more "mature" outlook on life.


I thoroughly enjoyed it there although I was in Bogotá not Medellín. The surrounding countryside was fantastic and all the history, the food, the music! On one occasion, we did get stopped at a couple of roadblocks near Arbelaíz, the first was FARC, and about a kilometre farther on was an Army one. The only way to tell the difference was the FARC uniforms fitted better and they wore rubber boots versus the Army one-size-fits-all uniforms and leather boots. However that area was very much in rebel hands and our passport was our host (a family member, now regrettably deceased [heart attack not bullet]) who was a dentist and would give *emergency* dental treatment to both sides with neither fear nor favour.


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## xelaOW (Sep 18, 2015)

In my experience two men never cheek kiss between them, the one exception is they belong to the same family. If two men are very close friends the can change the hand shake for a hug.

Women always cheek kiss. 

There are some exceptions, shy people for example, but in general women always cheek kiss and men always hand shake


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## xolo (May 25, 2014)

^this


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

xelaOW said:


> In my experience two men never cheek kiss between them, the one exception is they belong to the same family. If two men are very close friends the can change the hand shake for a hug.
> 
> Women always cheek kiss.
> 
> There are some exceptions, shy people for example, but in general women always cheek kiss and men always hand shake


Seems to depend on where you are. In Andalucía where there is less personal coldness, I frequently encounter the male hugs where bristly cheek brushes bristly cheek and on a couple of occasions have actually had kisses (once recently at the wake of the offender's wife) from an older man.


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## jimenato (Nov 21, 2009)

baldilocks said:


> Seems to depend on where you are. In Andalucía where there is less personal coldness, I frequently encounter the male hugs where bristly cheek brushes bristly cheek and on a couple of occasions have actually had kisses (once recently at the wake of the offender's wife) from an older man.


Yes - me too Baldi.

I hate it.:mmph:

Especially if... :tongue:


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