# Feeling lonely in London / typical Londoners



## laha1 (Oct 3, 2010)

Hi guys, 
I recently made the decision moving to London, it's part of a gap year.
Mainly it's to find work and new inspirations.
I'm female and 20.

I do not know how long I plan on staying, it's my first move, first time leaving home and I'm a bit scared.

I have met some acquaintances abroad who were from London, and I *really* got along with them very well (and it's usually hard for me to socialize). They were all like, well, if you come to London, we have to meet!

So before flying off to London, I contacted one girl via Facebook, her first reply was so welcoming and nice but when I replied (sent her 3 messages by then....), she never replied back but was always still active in Facebook. (so she has ignored all messages and still posts in Facebook.. which i think is really disappointing)

The other guy, well we had something going on abroad but it didnt involve sex but we got along very well and he was the same 'oh you can stay at my place, i live in a house' and 'we definitely stay in touch!' so I contacted him as well but so far - no reply back. I stopped waiting and caring.

Then this other guy I met during my first trip to London, his reply was very sweet as well, and then afterwards - no sign of life as well.

So what the hell is wrong with me? Am I maybe disgusting or what the ****? Seriously, I kept thinking about it so much.... I guess I have to accept that I will come to London on my own and feeling lonely.
What surprised me, is that I was not even begging to stay at their place for free, and most of the time they were offering a place voluntarily!

And now I'm so scared.. being alone all the time. Or meeting new people and they're the same. Being so friendly but once you disappear from their eyesight, you're less than **** to them. Come to think of it, I was in a bar in London the very last night, and there was this girl, she said they were looking for a flatmate and she said give me your email, I will write you tomorrow! Which I did, and she never sent that message.

I can't really trust them anymore.. and it's a back-breaking feeling moving to London when I can't trust anyone or any words they're saying.

so, anything you can add?


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## 90199 (Mar 21, 2010)

Yes, move north, Yorkshire or Lancashire, the people are friendlier, it is cheaper to live and the scenery is good too. London is a pretty city but probably one of the most unfriendly places in the world,

Hepa


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## MaidenScotland (Jun 6, 2009)

laha1 said:


> Hi guys,
> I recently made the decision moving to London, it's part of a gap year.
> Mainly it's to find work and new inspirations.
> I'm female and 20.
> ...




Hi and welcome to the forum

I am so sorry you have found out the hard way that when people in the U.K tell people who they meet on holiday..." come and stay with me if you come to the U.K" generally they are being polite and they do not really expect you to turn up but on saying that.. yes the further north you go the friendlier the people.
What do you do? Are you on a gap year?
If you are looking to see the country why not try and find hotel work that will give you an income plus accommodation and of course you will be working with like minded people.
If you can pack your bags and go north, for me you cannot beat Glasgow for friendly people and there is lots to do.
I hope you enjoy your time in the U.K

Maiden


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## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Hepa said:


> Yes, move north, Yorkshire or Lancashire, the people are friendlier, it is cheaper to live and the scenery is good too. London is a pretty city but probably one of the most unfriendly places in the world,
> 
> Hepa


lol - you wouldn't be biased would you?

I lived & worked in London when I was 20/21 - too many years ago to let on though

I had a whale of a time!!!


there were 5 of us girls in a flat in Victoria & 5 guys in the flat above us - all a bit like 'Friends' actually!!

I think it would have been a different experience though if I hadn't been in a flatshare

I think laha1 you really need to be a bit more pro-active - take the e-mail address rather than give yours - & so on


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## laha1 (Oct 3, 2010)

Hi!

Thank you for your answers. But going north isn't what I want to do either.
London is so full of life and I want to do a lot of things and meet different people but mainly I'm looking for inspirations and I'm trying to apply to university and I need a good portfolio so I wanted to find inspirations in London.

I'm looking for a flatshare as well.

@xabiablanca
Mind telling me what you did in London? Work or study? And how did you find the flat/how much did you pay for it? I'm trying to spend max 350gbp per month for the flat (incl bills).


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## MaidenScotland (Jun 6, 2009)

laha1 said:


> Hi!
> 
> Thank you for your answers. But going north isn't what I want to do either.
> London is so full of life and I want to do a lot of things and meet different people but mainly I'm looking for inspirations and I'm trying to apply to university and I need a good portfolio so I wanted to find inspirations in London.
> ...




You will never find a flat to rent in London for that amount.. you are going to have to share and even then that is not alot of money for London.
Obviously you speak another language so why not go down the tourist route and try to be a tourist guide, or as I said look for hotel/hostel work that includes accommodation Or as an aupair for a couple of months until you find your feet?
What are you hoping to do at uni that requires inspiration in London?

Maiden.


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## laha1 (Oct 3, 2010)

MaidenScotland said:


> You will never find a flat to rent in London for that amount.. you are going to have to share and even then that is not alot of money for London.
> Obviously you speak another language so why not go down the tourist route and try to be a tourist guide, or as I said look for hotel/hostel work that includes accommodation Or as an aupair for a couple of months until you find your feet?
> What are you hoping to do at uni that requires inspiration in London?
> 
> Maiden.


I'm looking for a flatshare so I think 350GBP will be enough (in zone 2). My standards are pretty low.

I hadn't thought about living in a hotel/hostel but I might give it a try as well 

And aupair is a no-go for me as well since I don't really get along with children.

And I am trying to get into art university


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## tonky (Oct 3, 2010)

I find the English - and - I am English very insular these days. They dont appear to want to make new friends or socialise out of their exsisting friends. They do not even say 'Good Morning' anymore.

It is a shame and so different from Greece where the people are always friendly and hospitable.

It griefs me that the English have become so insular.


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## abrikoska (Oct 4, 2010)

i think every people different, and english people can be fun, unlonely and don't be strait-laced english man))
for exampe, 3 of 4 my friends don't typical english)


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## MR2Tony (Sep 16, 2010)

tonky said:


> I find the English - and - I am English very insular these days. They dont appear to want to make new friends or socialise out of their exsisting friends. They do not even say 'Good Morning' anymore.
> 
> It is a shame and so different from Greece where the people are always friendly and hospitable.
> 
> It griefs me that the English have become so insular.


I agree with this and have found that very few people will speak to you if they don't know you. However, if you speak to them first, they're some of the cheeriest, friendliest people in the world. The key is to be outgoing and lively and they follow suit. But yes, it seems most dont want or need more friends, at first.


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## ktz (Jul 20, 2010)

laha1 said:


> I'm looking for a flatshare so I think 350GBP will be enough (in zone 2). My standards are pretty low.


350 gbp including bills in zone 2 is going to be really really tough outside a council flat (not impossible, but tough). Im living in Zone 2, near zone 3 (Hackney/Bow), sharing with 5 and mine is more than that. My girlfriend lived in a council flat in zone 2 up until recently where she paid £350 without bills and that was the best I'd ever seen that was still pretty safe.

If you would be willing to up the anti a little with your budget (I'd say 550 is more realistic with bills in zone 2), I think you could find a nice flatshare with likeminded folks in zone 2. Best to check out sites like moveflat.com, then just hunt around. Each flatshare usually has a pretty thorough description of what kind of people you will be sharing with, so you can really get a sense if you will get on with them or not. 

When I first moved to London, I went out quite a bit with my flatmates. As long as you get along, that is a great starting point to meet people. 

Best of luck.

Joel


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## voltron (Aug 19, 2010)

Unfortunately "typical londoners" are usually people who grew up in hertfordshire, went to public school and after failing to graduate from Oxford, put on a flat cap and develope a 'cor blimey guvnor accent... They are not real londoners.. the real ones are all pushed out to zone 6.. Romford etc


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## Jeremyrush (Oct 7, 2010)

*Living in London*

Hi I am Jeremy Rush I am from London but now live in Italy, I am sure the North of the UK is lovely !! but I am not do sure you will find work there, anyway I am on face book and I have many contacts in London so if you want to drop me a line or 2 I will be happy to help you, you can find me on skype, facebook, msn and yahoo

Good luck and maybe chat soon
Jeremy 



laha1 said:


> Hi guys,
> I recently made the decision moving to London, it's part of a gap year.
> Mainly it's to find work and new inspirations.
> I'm female and 20.
> ...


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## victorian67 (Oct 8, 2010)

I personally believe that London is very much like other major cities such as Paris, Geneva, Berlin, Tokyo and so on which are all by now so multicultural and multiracial that one cannot speak of a typical Londoner or Parisian anymore.

What I have learned when I came to the UK is that People in general "come to life" from Friday night onwards and socialising over a week-end will show you a totally different aspect of the British social life altogether 

The same individuals that you found distant, reserved, busy and rather cool week days will "drop the mask" over the week-end to become sociable and rather funny at times :clap2:

Most of the people living in large cities are a bit like Villagers, keeping themselves to their chosen part of the town and often shop and socialise in the same areas becoming familiar faces should you persevere in going out rather than staying in.

Pubs especially, are great places to socialise and must not be looking at "clubs" but the "public house" which they are and where People will be delighted to engage with you provided that you wish to engage with them.

I wish you good luck in your quest to make new acquaintances 

Karim


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## greeneyes (Jan 4, 2010)

I live in a smaller town in the Midlands and I find people very friendly and they DO say hello when you pass on the street. London does not = all of England.


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## ladyliberty (Oct 6, 2010)

Look, its not fair to say that all people in London are XYZ and all people in the North of England are anything else. Personally, I think to give this kind of advice and information to a new ex-pat is the absolute worst thing you can do. The OP must form her own opinions about the people she meets and it wont help her to walk around with other people's stereotypes of who is friendly and who isnt. 

To the OP: I am going to be a bit blunt and I apologize if I am totally off the mark or if what I say is offensive. What I learned when I first moved is when I thought my actions and reaching out to new people was just being friendly, it was actually seen as needy and perhaps turned people off. I think even my poor husband got sick of me always being on his heels (and I cant blame him) since everything was new and unfamiliar to me and I relied on him to teach me absolutely everything. I wonder if this is perhaps how you are coming across to the friends you have met - maybe they fear that you would be a "hanger on" rather than an active participant in a friendship. Does that make sense? 

My advice to you would be to find a place to volunteer. I believe its THE absolutely best way to meet people who obviously have free time (wheras the other people you may have met already have a full circle of friends and social calendar) and similar interests to you. The bonus of volunteering is that if you arent yet working, it will look great on you CV and help you find a job as well as friends. Also, even though you mentioned you are a bit afraid being away from home, do try to come off as confidently as possible. Someone who is uneasy makes others uneasy. 

Best of luck to you.


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## greeneyes (Jan 4, 2010)

Much of what you said is true LadyLiberty - however it is definitely to the OP's advantage to realise that while not ALL Londoners are XYZ (I don't actually recall anyone saying "all"), she should be aware that striking up conversations with strangers in most places in and around London will get her an odd stare. 

I lived in London for close to a year and still spend an average of two days a week working there - and people there, in general are not friendly to strangers. 

When I moved to the Midlands I expected more of the same but was pleasantly surprised. It isn't necessarily a case of "getting what one expects" - some generalities are true. In my experience, and from many people that I have discussed this with (including Londoners that have travelled elsewhere), London not being a particularly friendly place is one of them. It is still a fabulous city - but if one is looking for warm and fuzzy people and an easy time making friends, London ain't it!


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## patient man (Feb 14, 2010)

A s a person who has travelled far and wide I have found that to meet people you have to go to them, look for like minded people, most colleges have night classes, so go along to an arts class, or something else that interests you and you will soon meet people who are more genuine.


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## greeneyes (Jan 4, 2010)

Another really good way to meet people is meetup.com - you can search by post code for groups in your area and narrow it down by interest as well. Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup


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## demian_duff99 (Dec 4, 2011)

*well....*

people are here just to make money, and all they think, breathe and eat is money,
all day its only money they thinkin' about they forgot what its like to be human and feel


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## bookend9 (Mar 10, 2012)

you can contact me im in london and have a similar experiences, ppl in here are just polite for 3 sentences and thats it


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## auranoir (Aug 8, 2012)

*Similar experiance*

I feel similar about London. I've been here for 2 years now and although I have quite a few friends, I don't feel like these are people I can just talk to or rely on to lend me a helping hand, or just call anytime. As a result I feel lonely al lot of the time. I have met a lot of people who have been a disappointment as well. I'm not sure if it's a London thing, a big city thing or just a generational thing. 

But all in all I find it quite depressing and caused me to lose faith in people or the possibility of finding true friendships here...


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## DPK (Nov 11, 2011)

I think this is really sad to hear that you are lonely and unhappy in London.

I moved to London many years ago at age 21yrs after working in Paris as an au pair, I was on the outskirts initially, but once I moved closer in I had a ball!

I know things have changed and are far more expensive than they used to be, but shop around, be flexible, and do not rely too much on new aquaintainces, remember it takes time for people to become real friends.

What are your hobbies? You say you want to go to art college, have you applied? If you are looking at a "name" you need good grades and a good portfolio.

Is the plan to work and go to art college next year?

London can be anything you want it to be, but you have to seek it out, its charms in my view are not as apparent as other cities, but for anyone interested in art or design its all there for you.

Meet people through sport, walking clubs, drama clubs, offer to teach german, volunteer as someone else said, your help is always needed somewhere. 

Again in my view, social websites are bars are not the best places to make true friends.

The most important thing is to be positive, about yourself and your goals, you can make anything happen if you try hard enough.................

Above all Be Happy


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## MelanieArt (Aug 9, 2012)

it is such a shame, London can be a lonely place at times - one of the only places I have lived and havent known the names of my neighbours.


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## MIkeyHanv (Aug 9, 2012)

I am from the UK, outside of London, have to travel there to work unfortunately, and completely agree with you, Londoners will be polite at first glance but then will forget as soon as they are gone. 
Try moving a little out of the M25 and you find people are more relaxed and friendly and have more time for you, also cheaper , the more north you go the friendlier people get but also you many struggle to understand them up there .
Also you won’t be able to live off that amount of money in London, you will be lucky to get a room, I once rented in the suburbs of London and got a shabby place for 500 p/m.

Sorry if this is not helping you out and I am sorry that you have had to experience the coldness of London, I hope it does not reflect badly on the UK, but I would rather be honest with people then lie and tell you 'Oh my god London is the greatest place on earth, Blah Blah Blah'


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