# Please recommend on-line dating site for old, retired expat.



## Oneman

.
I’ve lived 10 years in Thailand, but zero luck meeting nice, adult, Thai ladies.
You’d think that after all these years I’d know where and how, but I don’t know.
So I’m asking here for advice on how to meet nice ladies in Thailand — specifically Bangkok.

I don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, don’t go into bars, don’t go into churches.
So what’s left?
All I can think of is dating sites on the Internet.
Can anyone recommend a dating site suitable for an older farang?

Looking for intelligent, mature, aware of the outside world — teachers would be ideal.
Age 40-50+ preferred. (I’m 60+.)
There must be thousands of single/divorced teachers in Bangkok suburbs near my location, but how to meet them?
Is there a better way than an Internet dating site?
Or is that the best option?

Ladies wouldn’t need to be fluent in English — my ability with Thai language is sufficient for easy conversation on common topics (with a little patience on their part and a dictionary close at hand).


I’d appreciate any suggestions.
Thank you.

— Oneman
Bangkok


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## dhream

Thaicupid. By. far. the. best. Both in terms of your criteria and the way the site treats it's members. 
Tip: Sign up for the minimum paid package, you can always extend if needed. 
You'll likely find several candidates to shortlist within that timeframe, and won't need three months paid membership. If you stop paying, your profile is still kept live, and you can still access everything but the 'contact' tools. You can also still be contacted (ladies get that privilege for free) and be advised of same, but the message content will be withheld until you pony up for another round.
Another tip: to maximise your reach, apart from the age range (and allow that some ladies may be coy on that too) mark all but the most important criteria for 'your date' as 'Any' such as weight, smoking, drinking, kids etc. Why? Because they may have hit a 'wrong' selection at their end in error, and you'll do a better job of screening the girls you don't want to meet than the program ever will.
Good luck in love.


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## Oneman

Thank you, "dhream".
The rest of your advice on this forum is consistently valuable, so I'm on.the.way.now. to ThaiCupid.

- Oneman
Bangkok


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## dhream

*true*

Wise words and you'd think people would be on their guard online in 2014, but the list of victims never seems to end...

This is interesting because in fact the scamming works both ways, some wealthier Thai women of a certain age have been played for millions of baht in recent times.

FWIW on 'Thai Friendly' you'll find a site where non-paying male account holders can interact with the ladies a little more than on 'Thai Cupid', but having used both, I think the quality of ladies and the site overall is better on Thai Cupid. You should IMHO never pay for more than the minimum on either site as in Thailand you will likely find someone (or two) with a fortnight, so long as you are not obnoxious and your nic is not 'Quasimodo'...


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## Oneman

I took "dhream's" helpful advice and signed on to ThaiCupid.
Signed up for the shortest package at the top level = 3 months, Platinum.
With that package, can contact anybody, any time.
And Platinum level advertises to ladies that I am not a Cheap Charlie.
US$ 55.00 for that -- I'm not complaining.

However, *I'd pay double* if I were getting the results I asked for, but, so far, totally disappointing.

For some men wanting to meet a lady for a fun weekend, yes, lots available, probably for a price, but for that there are far better sources than on-line dating sites.
Also, for "romance leading to marriage", lots available, too.
But I'm seeking an intelligent, mature, adult, dinner companion (I'm paying), and the results on-line have been awful.
Yes, lots want the free meal, but that's not my goal.

Examples:

I posted for age 40+.
Most of the responses have been under 40.
And those who are over 40 are uninteresting: 8th grade education, factory workers, market vendors, rural areas, etc.

I posted must be within Bangkok zone.
Most responses have been up-country, even some from Singapore, Hong Kong, and one from London!

I specifically wrote no interest in marriage or in a "playmate".
Most responses have been from ladies with interest in one or the other of those.

And when I do exchange messages back and forth the level of intelligence and awareness is dismal, really dismal.

Bottom line: The ladies I've encountered so far -- about 60 of them -- are not reading my posting at all.
They are just randomly clicking; "interested, interested, interested".

And it's not because of a language problem
My post and messages are all in Thai language.
I wrote the original post myself, and stated that in the posting.
Of the 60 or so ladies to respond, only one, *ONLY ONE* acknowledged that I had written in Thai.
All the others just used "stock phrases", like, "You look like a really nice man. I want to meet you."

Conclusion -- for finding an intelligent, mature, adult, Thai lady dinner companion, nothing I've seen so far on Thai Cupid indicates I'll get any positive results there.
And if "dhream" recommends that as the best, I believe him -- which also means I won't be trying any others.

Of course, there are many other sources for meeting Thai ladies, but most of those ladies are far too young, too immature, and too unaware of the world, to be of any interest me.
Just yesterday, another little chicklet gave me her "Line" ID.
She's adorable to look at, but I've talked with her several times at the shop where she works, and it's difficult for me to endure more than 5 minutes conversation.
And any Thai female who wants to communicate with "Line" is, by my criteria, far too immature to attract any of my attention.

So, I'll continue to look, but it won't be on Internet dating sites.

-- Oneman
Bangkok


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## steiner

Maybe the " no interest in marriage " is putting them off .It might give the impression you are not serious and will just waste their time .


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## Oneman

Steiner --

Could you explain that a bit more, please?
If warranted, I can easily change my profile.

"Not serious" about what?
"Waste their time" how?

Thank you, 

-- Oneman


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## _shel

Female perspective, no interest in marriage reads you are seeking a one night stand, no strings, playmate. 

Not that you have to be interested in marriage but its not something you put in an ad. Its something that is raised after more than 1 date and more along the lines of - you want a relationship, are serious but dont think you're looking for marriage. So in their eyes their is a glimmer of hope you may, if the person was right, settle down with them married or otherwise. 

A strict no marriage, unless you are really opposed to it for some reason just makes you the same as any other guy looking for a hook up who may have a big wallet.


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## Oneman

Female perspective well understood after 70 years of direct observations, but thanks anyway for that attempt at being helpful.

Some additional observations for men who may be considering doing what I did: posting on a web dating site for "friendship" ... 

There are vast numbers of educated, intelligent, but very, very, lonely, middle-age, Thai females in Bangkok.
Single/divorced females over 35 or so are socially worth nothing in Thai culture.
Many don't even have other female friends!
(What they have for comfort as they get old is pets, nieces and nephews, and, eventually, grandchildren, and that's about it.)

I posted as a way to meet a few of the nicer ones from that group.

I marked my profile, "seeking friendship", but did not check "marriage," or "romance". 
Early in the profile, I wrote: "Seeking intelligent dinner companion, Bangkok area, age 40+". 
And later in the profile I wrote, "No interest in marriage or a casual playmate".
(For any expat man who is looking for delightful playmates in Thailand, there is no need to waste even one minute online.)

My conclusion is that almost all the Thai females on ThaiCupid *are* interested only in being a playmate (and getting paid for it) or in marriage, or in fantasizing about marriage.
As for those whose stated objective is marriage, the percentage of "dogs" who replied to my ad was surprising. ("Dog" = old, ugly, no style, no awareness of the impression they give in photos or in writing.)

What I've learned from this experience is that to meet mature Thai ladies who are intelligent, educated, awake, over 40, and single, an on-line dating site is *not* effective at all.

Fortunately, there are many other options -- but they are not so simple or quick as just clicking on a web site.
I went with the easiest option first, and was quite willing to pay for it.
But now I see it will take more time and a bit more effort, to find what I'm looking for.
That time and effort won't be sitting in front of this computer.

I hope my comments are useful for other expat men, older men, who are already in Thailand, or thinking about moving here.

-- Oneman
Bangkok


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## _shel

But you obviously do not have that insight or you would have a clue about what to and what not to put in an online profile! 

Perhaps give it a miss and join meetup, a few social events will get you meeting new people. You dont need to drink to attend them even if held in a bar. 

Nothing wrong with wanting a serious relationship/friendship, its not always about marriage but the dismissal of marriage shows you are the one who doesnt want a serious relationship and are probably just wanting to get laid and at 70 years its wouldn't be unusual for someone to assume you may pay for it given it is what they believe you want from your ad.


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## Oneman

Thank you again, for an attitude of helpfulness.
I have no interest in a conversation about Thai culture, with a Western female who appears to have no experience here.

For any older, expat men reading this, and interested in meeting educated, intelligent, grown-up, Thai ladies, I must say that "social events" and "meetups" are almost guaranteed be a total waste of your time and effort.
Thai culture doesn't operate that way, not on any level.

Super Shel's comments here are useful as a well-meaning, but totally mistaken, attempt to proceed in Thai culture, while assuming Western values.
In Super Shel's defense, many Westerners -- men and females -- make similar assumptions about social behavior in Asia.

Social interaction simply doesn't work that way in Thailand, not on-line, and certainly not person-to-person.
I hope other expat men do not make the mistake of following assumptions like that.

-- Oneman
Bangkok


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## Mweiga

Oneman , you've come to the conclusion I was tempted to give you at the very start of your thread but felt this was jumping the gun and not least somewhat impolite.

The type of person you seek simply doesn't go online seeking company. You will need to do it the old fashioned way by putting yourself in situations where you will meet as many new and potentially likeminded people in the flesh as possible. This is hard work as you've already discovered and lady luck does play an important role. 

And don't give up - surprisingly often that special person shows up when you're least expecting it in an unlikely situation you'd never planned for. I know - it did for me.


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## dhream

*Keep at it!*

Oneman,

There are plenty of quality women online.

Like real life, you need to be the one doing the hunting.

You are unlikely to find quality in the women who hit you up. It can happen but it is RARE!

Also please re-read my tips. And follow them to the letter. 

Write in English for heavens sake! 

Women who can read it are more likely to be able to respond to your requirements, You'll have time enough to impress them with Thai, and I would actually, 'dumb that down' in the beginning, as you may find out a few truths on the date if you act all 'poot Thai nid noy'.

You are MAJORLY limiting yourself by writing 'friendship'! 

I said just put "Any" in the boxes.... it can all be sorted out long before you even get to the date, or on the date, that's what dating is for, you are wanting instant gratification from the process instead of seeing it as a means to an end.

Find joy in the process... I am never more alive during the 'hunt' and both genders enjoy this time the most I'm sure....

I am not discounting Mweiga's assertion, there are more than one way to do anything, but in my very rich experience with online dating, it delivers time and again, and much more than the 'traditional' means, if you are patient, and proactive. There are valid reasons for women to be online, not everyone can meet at a tea dance these days, not do they want to! Online is particularly valuable in vast cities like BKK, persevere!

If you can't get quality dates online in BKK of all places, you're doing it wrong, period.


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## steiner

Finding a good " Dinner date " might be difficult - Maybe the idea of engaging in sparkling conversation on a one-to-one basis over dinner is a Western concept and not something Thais find appealing.In my experience they usually spend 90 % of the time preoccupied with their smartphone !


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## dhream

steiner said:


> Finding a good " Dinner date " might be difficult - Maybe the idea of engaging in sparkling conversation on a one-to-one basis over dinner is a Western concept and not something Thais find appealing.In my experience they usually spend 90 % of the time preoccupied with their smartphone !


555! I just saw a pack of Thai girls on a night out (all of them heads down tapping their lives away) Whatever are they writing about? They are doing nothing with their lives as it is!

it's the same everywhere, groups of kids all self absorbed... tap tap tap... s...o...s...

Blokes my age still talk to each other, it may be beer scented garbage, but at least we connect!


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