# Is a single man legally allowed to adopt in Australia?



## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

I just wanted to know this. In my home country, India, it is very difficult for a single man to adopt, and it is also banned by law for a single man to adopt a female child. 

I just wanted to know if there is a realistic chance for a single man to adopt in Australia, considering the legal aspects. 

Thanks in advance.


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## council (Sep 4, 2013)

In Victoria to adopt a child you have to have been married or in a stable de facto relationship for at least 2 years. 

Other states or territories may have similar systems to the one that operates in Victoria.

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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

council said:


> In Victoria to adopt a child you have to have been married or in a stable de facto relationship for at least 2 years.
> 
> Other states or territories may have similar systems to the one that operates in Victoria.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk


Hmmm.....so no state allows single men to adopt?


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## council (Sep 4, 2013)

You may have to check with the different states and territories for more detailed information.

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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

council said:


> You may have to check with the different states and territories for more detailed information.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk


Ok thanks for the info! In the worst case, I might just have to fake a de facto relationship, one way or the other. Hope it doesn't come to that.


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## council (Sep 4, 2013)

Why would you need to do that? 

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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

council said:


> Why would you need to do that?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk


What other choice would I have, being a single man, if I'm not allowed to adopt? Not now, but maybe 5 or 6 years down the line, when I'm well settled in Australia. I hope if I have sufficient funds and can show that I can take care of the kid, I may be allowed to adopt. I suppose there will be SOME way this can be done. I don't think there is a blanket ban on single men adopting. 

I'll just have to get proper info about this, once I move there on a permanent basis.


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## council (Sep 4, 2013)

As long as you meet the requirements and pass the necessary assessments then you may be considered to adopt. 

But any falsification of documents on your end (fake a de facto relationship, etc) that they are made aware of may reduce your chances significantly, if not totally restrict or prohibit you from adopting.

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## Stevesolar (Dec 21, 2012)

funkyzoom said:


> Ok thanks for the info! In the worst case, I might just have to fake a de facto relationship, one way or the other. Hope it doesn't come to that.


Hi,
What a horrible, illegal idea that is!
If you decide to pursue that route - you deserve to get found out and take the consequences.
There are good reasons why single people are not allowed to adopt and you appear to be confirming these reasons by your suggestion of deceptive behavior - hardly a good role model for a child in your care!
Cheers
Steve


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

council said:


> As long as you meet the requirements and pass the necessary assessments then you may be considered to adopt.
> 
> But any falsification of documents on your end (fake a de facto relationship, etc) that they are made aware of may reduce your chances significantly, if not totally restrict or prohibit you from adopting.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk


Hmmm...yeah, I'll see if I can pass the requirements.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Stevesolar said:


> Hi,
> What a horrible, illegal idea that is!
> If you decide to pursue that route - you deserve to get found out and take the consequences.
> There are good reasons why single people are not allowed to adopt and you appear to be confirming these reasons by your suggestion of deceptive behavior - hardly a good role model for a child in your care!
> ...


I have never faked or broken any law in my life, and I wouldn't really consider faking a relationship. That was just an impulsive thought that crossed my mind, because I was kinda shocked to learn that single men are banned from adopting.

I will certainly pull out all the stops to somehow make myself eligible to adopt. If all else fails, I may have to adopt in a different country which allows single men to adopt, and then return to Australia. I'll explore all possible ways to do this legally, but I'm pretty sure I won't break the law.


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

Stevesolar said:


> Hi,
> What a horrible, illegal idea that is!
> If you decide to pursue that route - you deserve to get found out and take the consequences.
> There are good reasons why single people are not allowed to adopt and you appear to be confirming these reasons by your suggestion of deceptive behavior - hardly a good role model for a child in your care!
> ...


In some States, single people are allowed to adopt, under very rigorous conditions.


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## Scattley (Jul 30, 2012)

There are less than 30 children a year across the whole of Australia that are adopted by people who are not their relative. That is why single people cannot adopt.....when you have thousands of married couples wanting to adopt and 2-3 dozen children each year...we can ensure the best people get the children and that is people in long term and committed relationships.


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

funkyzoom said:


> I have never faked or broken any law in my life, and I wouldn't really consider faking a relationship. That was just an impulsive thought that crossed my mind, because I was kinda shocked to learn that single men are banned from adopting.
> 
> I will certainly pull out all the stops to somehow make myself eligible to adopt. If all else fails, I may have to adopt in a different country which allows single men to adopt, and then return to Australia. I'll explore all possible ways to do this legally, but I'm pretty sure I won't break the law.



Pretty sure you won't break the law? Try it, and you will get no sympathy here in Australia, and you will be caught.

Child Protection is taken very seriously in Australia. In some States, it is indeed possible for a single man to adopt a child but there are many levels and types of checks, including multiple psychological assessments done in the applicant's home.

There are several other specific criteria that would need to be met, including good character, a willingness to support the child's connection to birth parents, ability to provide a stable and suitable (these are not the same things) environment for the child, be able to support the cultural, ethnic, religious and educational needs of the child, and much more. 

If you're even for a moment considering falsifying ANYTHING in this process, then you should reconsider. Faking a de facto relationship for the purposes of adopting a child WILL be discovered. I'm no lawyer, but this might very likely open you up to criminal charges, and this could easily affect your residency in Australia. 

Let's say, for example, that your fraud was discovered (as is likely), and (given the nature of the fraud it would not be looked on kindly, as a child was involved and would probably be seen as at risk, purely because of the evidence of your own character that you have shown by your actions) you received say a 12 month suspended sentence from the courts, if they chose to be understanding. 

Because Section 501 of the Migration Act has been recently revised, you would then be subject to a possible revocation of your permanent residency and similar options are available under the revised Citizenship Act to cancel Australian Citizenship, either of which would most likely then lead to immediate deportation.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

kaju said:


> Pretty sure you won't break the law? Try it, and you will get no sympathy here in Australia, and you will be caught.
> 
> Child Protection is taken very seriously in Australia. In some States, it is indeed possible for a single man to adopt a child but there are many levels and types of checks, including multiple psychological assessments done in the applicant's home.
> 
> ...


If I adopt from a country which allows single men to adopt legally, will I be banned from entering Australia with the child due to this?


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

funkyzoom said:


> If I adopt from a country which allows single men to adopt legally, will I be banned from entering Australia with the child due to this?


I can give you an opinion (and that is all it is) but not migration advice.

You would need to check, but I assume that if you are the legal guardian of the child, and there is no shared custody with anyone else, you should then be eligible to apply for a suitable visa for yourself, with the child as your dependent.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

kaju said:


> I can give you an opinion (and that is all it is) but not migration advice.
> 
> You would need to check, but I assume that if you are the legal guardian of the child, and there is no shared custody with anyone else, you should then be eligible to apply for a suitable visa for yourself, with the child as your dependent.


Thanks a lot! No way I'll break the law. I already have permanent residency, so once I can obtain Australian citizenship, I can find out which country has the least restrictive laws for single men to adopt, adopt a child from there, and complete the formalities to return to Australia with the kid.

This is a HUGE relief!


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## Maggie-May24 (May 19, 2015)

funkyzoom said:


> Thanks a lot! No way I'll break the law. I already have permanent residency, so once I can obtain Australian citizenship, I can find out which country has the least restrictive laws for single men to adopt, adopt a child from there, and complete the formalities to return to Australia with the kid.
> 
> This is a HUGE relief!


You seem to think it's a simple process, but I can assure you that it is not. The fact that you seem to think faking a relationship is an acceptable solution would seem to indicate that you may have difficulty meeting the criteria for adoption.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Maggie-May24 said:


> You seem to think it's a simple process, but I can assure you that it is not. The fact that you seem to think faking a relationship is an acceptable solution would seem to indicate that you may have difficulty meeting the criteria for adoption.


I don't understand why people are taking something I said due to an impulse so seriously, when I even clarified that I didn't mean it.

I know very well that the process is not simple. No good things happen easily, they all require efforts. And I'm willing to fight it out, within legal boundaries of course. Even if it takes years. The joy of raising a child would be well worth the efforts!


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## council (Sep 4, 2013)

Why not, instead of adopting, consider having your own child?

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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

council said:


> Why not, instead of adopting, consider having your own child?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G925I using Tapatalk


Well...my situation is complicated. To have my own child, I would need a partner. I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. And finding a partner elsewhere is out of the question, because of the negative stereotype associated with Indian men being 'ugly, dirty, perverted rapists' (although this is not true, and just an image of Indian men portrayed by the selfish media), and also several studies showing that Indian men are the least preferred by women all over the world. 

But I have always loved kids, and don't want to be robbed of the joys of being a loving dad. Hence, I'm trying to consider several different channels to adopt a kid even as a single male. Of course, this won't happen in the near future. I first need to move to Australia and get settled financially. I posted this question just to get an idea of what to expect in the future.


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## Stevesolar (Dec 21, 2012)

funkyzoom said:


> Well...my situation is complicated. To have my own child, I would need a partner. I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. And finding a partner elsewhere is out of the question, because of the negative stereotype associated with Indian men being 'ugly, dirty, perverted rapists' (although this is not true, and just an image of Indian men portrayed by the selfish media), and also several studies showing that Indian men are the least preferred by women all over the world.
> 
> But I have always loved kids, and don't want to be robbed of the joys of being a loving dad. Hence, I'm trying to consider several different channels to adopt a kid even as a single male. Of course, this won't happen in the near future. I first need to move to Australia and get settled financially. I posted this question just to get an idea of what to expect in the future.


Hi,
I think you need to change your mindset before even considering adopting a child - let alone looking for a life partner.
If you were to put forward your current theories in an interview with an adoption panel - you might find them looking very unfavourably on your application.
Best of luck
Steve


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Stevesolar said:


> Hi,
> I think you need to change your mindset before even considering adopting a child - let alone looking for a life partner.
> If you were to put forward your current theories in an interview with an adoption panel - you might find them looking very unfavourably on your application.
> Best of luck
> Steve


Of course, I would never mention these reasons. I know they won't work. But there's nothing much I can do, when I happen to belong to the race of men who are universally loathed just because a small handful of men here are evil. I have done a lot of online research on this during my spare time. All I see are posts from women saying "Don't Indian men just burn their wives?", "Yuck, Indian men smell like curry" etc. Even when I was in Australia to validate my Visa, a few people over there (I had gotten acquainted with them in my dorm) curiously asked me "We always hear of Indian men raping women left and right, so is there any truth to this? We wanted to get the real picture from you". So you can very well imagine how it's done.

Anyway, my first priority is of course to establish a career for myself and get settled in Australia. Adoption is still several years away!


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## Sgamba (Aug 10, 2015)

Man I truly believe you should try to change your point of view. In some cases it might be a bit hard to overcome the common thoughts (as the ones you said); but really most of the people don't believe in those. I think most of the times they just joke on these silly common thoughts and you should laugh at those with them because of course they are not true.

I'm Italian and I've lived in Australia for more than 3 years now. Many times when I met new people their first comment was "ah Italy, mafia, the Godfather!". Was I happy when I heard that? Of course not, but I always smiled and laughed at it and after a little chat any person I met changed their mind about Italy and Italians.

Believe a bit more in the others and you'll find your partner.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Sgamba said:


> Man I truly believe you should try to change your point of view. In some cases it might be a bit hard to overcome the common thoughts (as the ones you said); but really most of the people don't believe in those. I think most of the times they just joke on these silly common thoughts and you should laugh at those with them because of course they are not true.
> 
> I'm Italian and I've lived in Australia for more than 3 years now. Many times when I met new people their first comment was "ah Italy, mafia, the Godfather!". Was I happy when I heard that? Of course not, but I always smiled and laughed at it and after a little chat any person I met changed their mind about Italy and Italians.
> 
> Believe a bit more in the others and you'll find your partner.


I just sincerely hope that your words are rue. Because it's not just in Australia, but I have heard from a lot of Indian men staying in US, UK, Germany etc. that we Indians are not considered worthy at all,by their standards. There was news of a male student being denied internship in Germany because the guide had a lot of female students under her, and she felt that this Indian guy would harass or misbehave with them.


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## Stevesolar (Dec 21, 2012)

funkyzoom said:


> I just sincerely hope that your words are rue. Because it's not just in Australia, but I have heard from a lot of Indian men staying in US, UK, Germany etc. that we Indians are not considered worthy at all,by their standards. There was news of a male student being denied internship in Germany because the guide had a lot of female students under her, and she felt that this Indian guy would harass or misbehave with them.


Hi,
Sorry - but you are simply perpetuating urban myths by spouting these ridiculous stories.
Cheers
Steve


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

funkyzoom said:


> Anyway, my first priority is of course to establish a career for myself and get settled in Australia. Adoption is still several years away!


Honestly, I think you need to have a bit more confidence! 

In yourself, and in the people you will meet and become friends with in Australia too. 

For a great many people in Australia, fortunately, it's really not about where you come from, but who you are. That's not to say racism or stereotyping doesn't exist, but you just have to look around to see how many people (whether from India or anywhere else) have happy, normal lives with others of both similar and different nationalities.

Try getting out more, maybe considering joining groups or clubs or associations that interest you - you might surprise yourself - you have to be in a situation where you meet people before things can happen! 

Stop worrying so much - you have time, so give it time!


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## Gaut (Oct 13, 2014)

Hi Funky,

Please don't think women stereotype males etc, don't have preconceived notions. Meet women get to know them and then you will notice they are wonderful and are not what you perceive them to be. Have confidence and take risks like committing to a relationship.  So many of us are married and happy mate.

Adopting a child is a wonderful thing, i can understand from your comments that you love kids and can summarize using a term "by hook or crook you want to adopt". For the better understanding of others it basically means desperation. But as advised and i am sure you will, please follow the legal procedures and adopt. A word of caution thou, bringing up a child is challenging and being a single parent things will be complicated. 

All the best and may the force be with you.  (Been watching a bit of star wars )

Cheers, GT.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

kaju said:


> Honestly, I think you need to have a bit more confidence!
> 
> In yourself, and in the people you will meet and become friends with in Australia too.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the kind words!

I was in Australia for just 2 months, and the Aussies were really nice to me. In fact, they treated me even better than my fellow Indians too. But I have keep reading several surveys and studies which claim that women all over the world loathe Indian men, party due to the negative stereotype associated with us, and also because they 'supposedly' find our brown skin repulsive. And I really wouldn't want to marry anyone here from India, because they would only marry me to be able to get a free pass out of here.

Like you said, I just need to keep an open mind, and put the adoption thing on the back burner for now. And hope for the best!


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Gaut said:


> Hi Funky,
> 
> Please don't think women stereotype males etc, don't have preconceived notions. Meet women get to know them and then you will notice they are wonderful and are not what you perceive them to be. Have confidence and take risks like committing to a relationship.  So many of us are married and happy mate.
> 
> ...


Nice to know that you're happily married! But I suppose you were married first and then applied PR for your whole family, right? As of now, I have residency status but I really wouldn't want Indian women here to use this as a way to measure my worth as a person. When I was in Australia for my first entry, my family here received a lot of 'proposals' from families of unmarried women. These people were silent until then, but popped up out of the blue the moment they came to know that I managed to obtain Australian Residency. Does this not prove their malicious intent? 

I'll just focus on building a career for now, and later on, I may get the opportunity to meet women there itself. Will see how things go, because my focus will surely be my career for another 5 to 6 years at least. At that point, if no woman has given me a chance, maybe I can consider adoption!


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## chiku2006 (Feb 22, 2014)

Please bear in mind one thing that any female will be looking for stability which can be in terms of visa status or financial. You need to stop assuming things that Indians are considered to be bad. Let me be honest with you, before I got married I had many white / brown girl friends, girls look for man who can keep them safe, happy and of course meet their monetry requirements as well. If you have these things then mate you can have as many girls as you want, you just need to be positive and change your perspective.


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## msarkar_expat (Oct 8, 2012)

Hi funkyzoom,

Please stop writing all these nonsense in a public forum. First of all, by doing this you are not portraying a very good image of yourself. Secondly, you have no right to generalize Indian women like the way you did whereas the fact is...many skilled woman from India nowadays can apply for PR and migrate on their own (count me in). There are opportunists across countries and across gender. You can't just defame only "Indian Women" based on your stereotype thinking.

Sorry to say..but if you would ever be rejected by some girl in AU, UK, US or elsewhere ...that would be because of your and solely your typical mindset towards women. Not because they find Indian men as ugly or pervert. I think there are many Indian men who know how to respect women and there are many Indian women out there who don't use the men as a bridge to move to a developed country. 





funkyzoom said:


> Well...my situation is complicated. To have my own child, I would need a partner. I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. And finding a partner elsewhere is out of the question, because of the negative stereotype associated with Indian men being 'ugly, dirty, perverted rapists' (although this is not true, and just an image of Indian men portrayed by the selfish media), and also several studies showing that Indian men are the least preferred by women all over the world.
> 
> But I have always loved kids, and don't want to be robbed of the joys of being a loving dad. Hence, I'm trying to consider several different channels to adopt a kid even as a single male. Of course, this won't happen in the near future. I first need to move to Australia and get settled financially. I posted this question just to get an idea of what to expect in the future.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

msarkar_expat said:


> Hi funkyzoom,
> 
> Please stop writing all these nonsense in a public forum. First of all, by doing this you are not portraying a very good image of yourself. Secondly, you have no right to generalize Indian women like the way you did whereas the fact is...many skilled woman from India nowadays can apply for PR and migrate on their own (count me in). There are opportunists across countries and across gender. You can't just defame only "Indian Women" based on your stereotype thinking.
> 
> Sorry to say..but if you would ever be rejected by some girl in AU, UK, US or elsewhere ...that would be because of your and solely your typical mindset towards women. Not because they find Indian men as ugly or pervert. I think there are many Indian men who know how to respect women and there are many Indian women out there who don't use the men as a bridge to move to a developed country.


This is NOT nonsense. I started this thread purely with the intention of obtaining info about adoption. People asked me the reason, so I had to reveal it. Nothing more to it. Also, never for a moment did I ever believe that we Indian women aren't capable of getting residency on their own. 

When I was in Australia for my first entry, my family here received a lot of 'proposals' from families of unmarried women. These people were silent until then, but popped up out of the blue the moment they came to know that I managed to obtain Australian Residency. Does this not prove their malicious intent?


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## boo2013 (Sep 8, 2014)

Dear funkyzoom,

I cant believe this is the good reason for adopting the child. In this case, you just need to live well, have good manner to prove that NOT ALL INDIAN are the same. 

I have two friends living in Singapore, they married Indian husbands and they have such wonderful happy marriage. They say their husbands are so loving and caring and smart too. 

Dont ever think so negatively about it. Love will come when it have to. If u're a good man, you'll forever be a good man and will find ur love. Come to Aussie for a few years, go to work, hang out. Chances for meeting the right one are every where. Open urself. Be nice. 

And raising a child needs a lot of care from a woman. There are things they need. If u really love " your future children", give them a mother. Of course 1 person can raise a child. But 2 persons raising a child is always better. That's why they called Family.

And for some circumstances, if they want to be with u for the Aussie residency, in some case it might not be that worst. Woman want to be with a man that can take care of a family and take care of her. They might not have the chances to see it from u until now. A friend of mine from Nepal, after he settled down in Australia, he felt in love with an Indian girl online. Their relationship is all through facebook. They did not meet until he brought her to Australia. And u know wat? they have a son now. And they've been so happy together. Is it bad ? Absolutely no. So amongst all the '' proposals" , choose a girl that is a loving, caring, or someone might be suitable for u , get to know her, if you fall in love with her and bring her with you to Aussie. It's just about how you choose to solve your problem. 

So I suggest u may change ur mindset a bit.


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## msarkar_expat (Oct 8, 2012)

Don't you think this is a very broad statement?

"I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. "




funkyzoom said:


> This is NOT nonsense. I started this thread purely with the intention of obtaining info about adoption. People asked me the reason, so I had to reveal it. Nothing more to it. Also, never for a moment did I ever believe that we Indian women aren't capable of getting residency on their own.
> 
> When I was in Australia for my first entry, my family here received a lot of 'proposals' from families of unmarried women. These people were silent until then, but popped up out of the blue the moment they came to know that I managed to obtain Australian Residency. Does this not prove their malicious intent?


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

msarkar_expat said:


> Don't you think this is a very broad statement?
> 
> "I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. "


Yes it is. Sorry, I guess I exaggerated a bit. But it is true in my case, though. I would never want to spend the rest of my life with someone who measures my worth on the basis of my residency status, and not what I can offer as a person.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

boo2013 said:


> Dear funkyzoom,
> 
> I cant believe this is the good reason for adopting the child. In this case, you just need to live well, have good manner to prove that NOT ALL INDIAN are the same.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the kind words. Makes me feel much better, because kind people are hard to find in this cruel world filled with mean, selfish people hell bent on exploiting and taking advantage of others at every possible opportunity. 

About those proposals...the problem is, I don't want my worth as person being measured in terms of my residency status of a different country. I want to be valued for who I am, and the possibility of Indian women doing that is quite slim. 

I would love to give a mother to my kids, but if can't, still I want to experience the joys of being a father.


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## Vijay24 (Jun 13, 2013)

funkyzoom said:


> Well...my situation is complicated. To have my own child, I would need a partner. I don't want to get a partner in India, because women here are itching to move to a developed country. She would only 'use' me as a ticket to Australia, nothing more. And finding a partner elsewhere is out of the question, because of the negative stereotype associated with Indian men being 'ugly, dirty, perverted rapists' (although this is not true, and just an image of Indian men portrayed by the selfish media), and also several studies showing that Indian men are the least preferred by women all over the world.
> 
> But I have always loved kids, and don't want to be robbed of the joys of being a loving dad. Hence, I'm trying to consider several different channels to adopt a kid even as a single male. Of course, this won't happen in the near future. I first need to move to Australia and get settled financially. I posted this question just to get an idea of what to expect in the future.


You still haven't changed mate. Negative and very wrong way of looking at the world. Even you have a Visa and plan for settling in Australia, why not the same wish for your partner? Is it a crime?


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## Vijay24 (Jun 13, 2013)

funkyzoom said:


> I just sincerely hope that your words are rue. Because it's not just in Australia, *but I have heard from a lot of Indian men staying in US, UK, Germany etc. that we Indians are not considered worthy at all,by their standards*. There was news of a male student being denied internship in Germany because the guide had a lot of female students under her, and she felt that this Indian guy would harass or misbehave with them.


Hahaha

Are you not aware of the CEOs and other officials in multi-billion dollar companies are Indians? Even in Australia, you can see lot of Indians holding senior roles in major companies.

Man, you need to change your attitude - you are so narrow minded and have negative mindset.


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## Vijay24 (Jun 13, 2013)

funkyzoom said:


> This is NOT nonsense. I started this thread purely with the intention of obtaining info about adoption. People asked me the reason, so I had to reveal it. Nothing more to it. Also, never for a moment did I ever believe that we Indian women aren't capable of getting residency on their own.
> 
> When I was in Australia for my first entry, my family here received a lot of 'proposals' from families of unmarried women. These people were silent until then, but popped up out of the blue the moment they came to know that I managed to obtain Australian Residency. Does this not prove their malicious intent?



That's obvious. Any girl would be wishing to settle well in life with a partner who is established himself and has a great career, maybe at that point of time you were meeting her requirement of being an NRI. It is as simple as it.

Tell me, why don't you marry some girl who hasn't studied degree or higher education? Are you interested in marrying that girl? Are you not selfish? Are you not looking a partner who is well educated and who will work, earn some money so that both can lead good life, right?


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Vijay24 said:


> You still haven't changed mate. Negative and very wrong way of looking at the world. Even you have a Visa and plan for settling in Australia, why not the same wish for your partner? Is it a crime?


That is because I WORKED to get my residency permit. She would be getting it just like that.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Vijay24 said:


> That's obvious. Any girl would be wishing to settle well in life with a partner who is established himself and has a great career, maybe at that point of time you were meeting her requirement of being an NRI. It is as simple as it.
> 
> Tell me, why don't you marry some girl who hasn't studied degree or higher education? Are you interested in marrying that girl? Are you not selfish? Are you not looking a partner who is well educated and who will work, earn some money so that both can lead good life, right?


No, I have no requirements at all about her education or anything,. I don't really bother about all that. I don't care if she's a high school dropout. But still, women who aren't even graduates here in India, or done some graduation which isn't really valued that much, boldly state that they want someone earning 10 lakhs plus per year, has a Masters etc. Hypocrisy of the highest order.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Vijay24 said:


> Hahaha
> 
> Are you not aware of the CEOs and other officials in multi-billion dollar companies are Indians? Even in Australia, you can see lot of Indians holding senior roles in major companies.
> 
> Man, you need to change your attitude - you are so narrow minded and have negative mindset.


As a person who has experienced ONLY negative things in life, being battered, bruised, insulted, bullied throughout his life, looked down upon, seen as worthless, a piece of crap etc. what else can I do? Getting Australian residency was perhaps the ONLY positive thing to happen to me, but even then things didn't work during my first visit. WHATEVER I attempt, ends up in failure.

Of course, I'm not expecting the world to support me or show me any sympathy. I just want to live a peaceful life, with a good career and a child of my own to have something to look forward to life. I don't think I'm asking much. Things which most people take for granted, I'm just striving hard to achieve.


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## jadu87 (Aug 23, 2015)

funkyzoom said:


> That is because I WORKED to get my residency permit. She would be getting it just like that.


Change the way how you think mate. There is no harm in 'she' getting her residency like that. Lets say, you got married and your kid gets Citizenship! So do you want to stop the kid from getting Citizenship saying 'kid' gets it like that!??

Grow up, Be Positive, Think wise and finally Stop generalizing things (in this thread and your other thread you created when you are back from Validation trip!)


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## Vijay24 (Jun 13, 2013)

funkyzoom said:


> As a person who has experienced ONLY negative things in life, being battered, bruised, insulted, bullied throughout his life, looked down upon, seen as worthless, a piece of crap etc. what else can I do? Getting Australian residency was perhaps the ONLY positive thing to happen to me, but even then things didn't work during my first visit. WHATEVER I attempt, ends up in failure.
> 
> Of course, I'm not expecting the world to support me or show me any sympathy. I just want to live a peaceful life, with a good career and a child of my own to have something to look forward to life. I don't think I'm asking much. Things which most people take for granted, I'm just striving hard to achieve.


Not good on you mate. You are looking down yourself and that's where you lose the confidence. Cheer up!

My friends who landed in Australia as same time are still WITHOUT job. And now its holiday time, imagine their situation during 20-30 days without any progress in job related work, doesn't mean that they would go back to their hometowns. Anyways - that's the other story.

I see lot of people think a lot to make their initial entry, forget relocating permanently, in that way you stayed for 2 months and did your best. 

Move on - Try for HCL, Cognizant, TCS, Wipro (Most people come to Australia thru these companies as well) and see how it goes.

Don't be negative and impatient -


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

funkyzoom said:


> As a person who has experienced ONLY negative things in life, being battered, bruised, insulted, bullied throughout his life, looked down upon, seen as worthless, a piece of crap etc. what else can I do? Getting Australian residency was perhaps the ONLY positive thing to happen to me, but even then things didn't work during my first visit. WHATEVER I attempt, ends up in failure.
> 
> Of course, I'm not expecting the world to support me or show me any sympathy. I just want to live a peaceful life, with a good career and a child of my own to have something to look forward to life. I don't think I'm asking much. Things which most people take for granted, I'm just striving hard to achieve.


You sound like a very angry and bitter man. The last thing you need to do now or even several years from now is to raise a child with your point of view who will also end up being angry and bitter. 

Life is tough for everyone. I have yet to meet one person who has lived a rosy life with no problems whatsoever. Blaming your current attitude on a difficult childhood only works till you're a teenager. Once you're an adult, you are responsible for your own actions and subsequent consequences. You can't fall back on the "I had a sh*tty negative life" defense all the time.

First thing you need to do is change your misogynistic attitude, work on improving your mindset and then think about becoming a parent / role model. Please do not adopt a child with this attitude. We've got enough messed up children blaming their parents for all the problems already in this world.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

jadu87 said:


> Change the way how you think mate. There is no harm in 'she' getting her residency like that. Lets say, you got married and your kid gets Citizenship! So do you want to stop the kid from getting Citizenship saying 'kid' gets it like that!??
> 
> Grow up, Be Positive, Think wise and finally Stop generalizing things (in this thread and your other thread you created when you are back from Validation trip!)


It's not a problem with her getting residency status. But the problem occurs when she considers my value as a person based SORELY on my residency status, and it would be the prime reason for her to consider me for marriage. If she wants the residency status, but not ME,there is every chance of her divorcing me once she gets her permit. Besides, false cases of Dowry harassment (Section 498A) and Domestic abuse have become very common in India. And there is no option for pre-nups too. I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation where someone married me for residency status, gets the status herself, then files these charges against me and possibly get me deported to India. It's a huge huge risk.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Vijay24 said:


> Not good on you mate. You are looking down yourself and that's where you lose the confidence. Cheer up!
> 
> My friends who landed in Australia as same time are still WITHOUT job. And now its holiday time, imagine their situation during 20-30 days without any progress in job related work, doesn't mean that they would go back to their hometowns. Anyways - that's the other story.
> 
> ...


I agree with what you say. But those two months there dealt such a massive blow to my already low confidence, that I'm unable to pick myself up again. I wouldn't have come back, if my physical health hadn't deteriorated so rapidly. And I was running out of funds too. 

I have quit my Indian job too. Couldn't perform. Just sitting at home doing nothing. I tried applying in several companies, but couldn't clear the interviews at all. I can't believe that just before I left to Australia, I was such a confident, happy-go-lucky kind of man who could actually ace interviews in a heartbeat.


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## chiku2006 (Feb 22, 2014)

funkyzoom said:


> It's not a problem with her getting residency status. But the problem occurs when she considers my value as a person based SORELY on my residency status, and it would be the prime reason for her to consider me for marriage. If she wants the residency status, but not ME,there is every chance of her divorcing me once she gets her permit. Besides, false cases of Dowry harassment (Section 498A) and Domestic abuse have become very common in India. And there is no option for pre-nups too. I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation where someone married me for residency status, gets the status herself, then files these charges against me and possibly get me deported to India. It's a huge huge risk.


Stop running your wild horses mate, I dont know what world you are living in. If everyone will start thinking like you then that will be the end of any relationship, stop assuming and stop thinking WHAT IF.

I think you should forget about adopting a child as it will disastrous for a child to be raised by someone who is full of negativity. 

You should stop everything and decide what you want to do in life, you seems to be a confused person who thinks by attaining PR of Australia you have done something like climbing Mount Everest. ...


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

chiku2006 said:


> Stop running your wild horses mate, I dont know what world you are living in. If everyone will start thinking like you then that will be the end of any relationship, stop assuming and stop thinking WHAT IF.
> 
> I think you should forget about adopting a child as it will disastrous for a child to be raised by someone who is full of negativity.
> 
> You should stop everything and decide what you want to do in life, you seems to be a confused person who thinks by attaining PR of Australia you have done something like climbing Mount Everest. ...


No, I never believed that I have climbed Mount Everest. Not even close. But when that is the ONLY thing I have achieved, however 'trivial' it might be, that's the only thing I can talk about anyway. Sorry if I came across as pompous or conceited, I'm not.

The reason why I considered adopting is, kids always like me. I may be a 'bad' or 'foolish' person to adults, but kids only see the kindness and gentleness in me. Kids of my relatives, and even random kids, really bond with me. In fact, even babies usually stop crying or being cranky when I hold them or life them. Just yesterday, my neighbour came over to my place with her 4 month old child, and told me "See if you can make her stop crying, she just won't". I only held the baby for a few minutes, petted her head, spoke some kind words, and she started playing with me! It proves that I'm not such a 'bad' or 'negative' man, as adults feel.


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## int*MarTiNi (Jul 12, 2015)

Bro you are thinking too much.
Fixing defects for a while , doesn't make you a developer. eace:

Try to regain control of your situation rather than wasting your time over thinking these useless things.
Question was perfect from forum perspective , your state of mind isnt.


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## jadu87 (Aug 23, 2015)

funkyzoom said:


> It's not a problem with her getting residency status. But the problem occurs when she considers my value as a person based SORELY on my residency status, and it would be the prime reason for her to consider me for marriage. If she wants the residency status, but not ME,there is every chance of her divorcing me once she gets her permit. Besides, false cases of Dowry harassment (Section 498A) and Domestic abuse have become very common in India. And there is no option for pre-nups too. I wouldn't want to find myself in a situation where someone married me for residency status, gets the status herself, then files these charges against me and possibly get me deported to India. It's a huge huge risk.



If you are so bothered about her using you as a bunny to get the status, why do you want to disclose your status? Don't disclose it, get married and if you are willing to apply her residency, apply it and move on to Oz and start a good life.

By reading all your posts, once can think that you ASSUME and GENERALIZE things, which is not the way current world is working! I hope you change the way think and come to real world from your assumptions and if's!


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## c0da (May 18, 2015)

funkyzoom said:


> When I was in Australia for my first entry, my family here received a lot of 'proposals' from families of unmarried women. These people were silent until then, but popped up out of the blue the moment they came to know that I managed to obtain Australian Residency. Does this not prove their malicious intent?


Consider this: a girl, of whom you previously heard from your family friends, but have never seen or met, wins Femina Miss India Delhi (or whatever). She is single! Wouldn't you ask her out? I bet you would!

You know why? Because femininity to a woman is what wealth/power/status to a man is. When you revealed your Australian PR, you signaled desirability as a mate to other women. Is that bad? No, you can't blame them, and you certainly cannot say they have malicious intent. Would you date an ugly girl with a flat chest and narrow hips? Unlikely, because you wouldn't even consider her -- she wouldn't pass the first filter (i.e., you would not be interested in her personality because she was not attractive physically to you).



funkyzoom said:


> That is because I WORKED to get my residency permit. She would be getting it just like that.


Any woman who gave a birth WORKED for _nine months_ for that, and afterwards too! You would be getting a baby just like that


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## Maggie-May24 (May 19, 2015)

funkyzoom said:


> That is because I WORKED to get my residency permit. She would be getting it just like that.


I follow several forums, and couldn't possibly count the number of men who are granted a PR visa due to their wives who were the primary applicant. Based on your logic, it would suggest that men may simply be taking advantage of women in order to gain residency in Australia.

You are making a lot of broad, sweeping generalisations based on what are undoubtedly a very small number of observations. If you do find a partner and choose to get married, you are going to need to learn to trust that they may simply care about you for who you are and not what they hope to get from you.


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## boo2013 (Sep 8, 2014)

Maggie-May24 said:


> I follow several forums, and couldn't possibly count the number of men who are granted a PR visa due to their wives who were the primary applicant. Based on your logic, it would suggest that men may simply be taking advantage of women in order to gain residency in Australia.
> 
> You are making a lot of broad, sweeping generalisations based on what are undoubtedly a very small number of observations. If you do find a partner and choose to get married, you are going to need to learn to trust that they may simply care about you for who you are and not what they hope to get from you.


Exactly, Im applying for PR and my husband and my kid dont have to do anything. I do not even ask him to take the English test. If one person always thinks that I am working more than the other then a relationship never works. The most important thing is the family spirit and the atmosphere for the kids to feel love and happiness. 

A woman will " work" nine months for a baby and u'll never understand how it's really hard for her. If u just keep that thought in mind then how can u teach ur kid how to love people.


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Maggie-May24 said:


> I follow several forums, and couldn't possibly count the number of men who are granted a PR visa due to their wives who were the primary applicant. Based on your logic, it would suggest that men may simply be taking advantage of women in order to gain residency in Australia.
> 
> You are making a lot of broad, sweeping generalisations based on what are undoubtedly a very small number of observations. If you do find a partner and choose to get married, you are going to need to learn to trust that they may simply care about you for who you are and not what they hope to get from you.


You seem to have missed the point I am trying to make. The couples you speak of, were ALREADY married before the wife applied as the primary applicant, which means at the time of marriage, neither of them married the other just with the view of getting residency from their partner. This means, the chances of her divorcing/separating from me once she gets her residency are very high. I mean...what incentive would she have to stay with me, when she married me for this purpose and she got what she wanted? 

But in my case, I already have residency, and this is being considered as the primary reason to get married to me. If I was already married before applying, then of course it's a different situation altogether.


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## Vijay24 (Jun 13, 2013)

funkyzoom said:


> Would I ask her out? No way, I would be way below her league anyway and my sorry excuse for an @ss would get rejected even before I know it!
> 
> Also, if my residency status is the ONLY reason why she would prefer to marry me, she might very well divorce me once she gets that status herself, because she would have no incentive to stay with me any more. Besides, Indian women too usually prefer men of other ethnicities, if they have a chance. Australia would be full of such men, so she might very well fancy some non-Indian dude there. In fact, being surrounded by these people would probably make her even more likely to divorce me. After all, it's just Indian men who are considered perverted and unattractive all over the world, whereas Indian women are anyway desired.
> 
> I do agree with your second point, though. It's very much valid. But in this age, anyone can rent a womb or go for a test tube baby, so the inconvenience and pain of childbirth can still be circumvented.



What an insecure and negative minded person you are man. What if you find an Aussie chick attractive and dump your wife? Do you think your future wife will not have this thought? Its all about trust and companionship that works in marriage and relationship, not filthy thoughts and negative mindset like you have. 

Grow up man. Change your attitude and thinking!


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## funkyzoom (Nov 4, 2014)

Vijay24 said:


> What an insecure and negative minded person you are man. What if you find an Aussie chick attractive and dump your wife? Do you think your future wife will not have this thought? Its all about trust and companionship that works in marriage and relationship, not filthy thoughts and negative mindset like you have.
> 
> Grow up man. Change your attitude and thinking!


Huh? Aussie chicks would never like Indian men in a thousand years. The media has already made us Indian men the villains of the world, and potential rapists too. 

Situations and failures can make people like this. Some have the ability to cope, whereas some don't. I have tried, have done everything I ever could. Nothing is working. No one is born with negative thoughts, experiences mould people into how they are. Not saying that no one else has problems bigger than mine, but there reaches a stage in everyone's life when they grow sick and tired of fighting the battle, and would rather wave the white flag of defeat, instead of fighting further and risk losing even more. 

I don't want to be the one to wave that white flag, hence I'm trying out means like adoption and stuff. I do not want to give up, so I'm trying my best to make things work within whatever limitations I have, due to my situation.


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## kavita74 (Mar 13, 2014)

funkyzoom said:


> Huh? Aussie chicks would never like Indian men in a thousand years. The media has already made us Indian men the villains of the world, and potential rapists too.
> 
> Situations and failures can make people like this. Some have the ability to cope, whereas some don't. I have tried, have done everything I ever could. Nothing is working. No one is born with negative thoughts, experiences mould people into how they are. Not saying that no one else has problems bigger than mine, but there reaches a stage in everyone's life when they grow sick and tired of fighting the battle, and would rather wave the white flag of defeat, instead of fighting further and risk losing even more.
> 
> I don't want to be the one to wave that white flag, hence I'm trying out means like adoption and stuff. I do not want to give up, so I'm trying my best to make things work within whatever limitations I have, due to my situation.


Go, consult a clinical psychologist.
Before adopting any child rather even before getting married, you would want to get urself evaluated.
Whatever situations u may have had in ur past life, that's gone. U have got something good with u now. Start with a positive. Bring a change in ur thinking. 
Whatever people may argue anf try to out some reason with u, u seem to be ranting about ur past and ur recent achievement of PR. No doubt its a big achievement. But why take this again in a negative. Why don't u think that God has some good plans for u, and this may b beginning. 
Don't marry in india if u have si many insecurities. As many suggested, go to Australia, meet people, change ur thinking. Things will change for better.
And pls try to consult some good clinical psychologist. Speak ur heart out to him/her. Whatever u think u havr been through, say it. It needs a vent. Get a professional opinion and help. 
Go step by step. Don't just jump to silly conclusion based on somebody else's opinion ir judgement. It was their experience and their opinion. Ur life is yours only. Do they let ur opinion affect their lives? Nahi na. Then why u letting their opinion affect ur life.

Take a resolve. Do not come back to this thread until u have had professional help. Then evaluate for urself whether there is any change in ur thinking or not. Help urself first. Things will change for good.

And don't take this in a negative way. Only u can initiate the change u want in ur life.


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

The subject matter of this thread has been very personal by its nature. I don't want to see it slipping into personal attacks or denigration of anyone, and it's getting very close to it.

funkyzoom, I hope you approach life in Australia with an open mind - don't assume what others think, much of the tone of your relationships will depend on you! 

I'm quite sure that the majority of people in Australia, (girls too) don't have the view of, or prejudices against, Indian men that you think. Almost always, especially as they start to get to know you, people will simply take you as you are, so, more than anything else, your future and relationships depend on you, and the attitude you start with. 

If even before you meet people, you take the attitude that no-one likes Indian men, things will probably be bad for you - because you'll be predisposed to see that in every little thing, even though it's not there. You'll end up unhappy and seeing the worst in others, using excuses to blame others, when you never gave them a chance, and they never felt that way anyway. And that would be really sad, because it's not like that, and you'll miss out on a lot.

If you can be more positive, you might find your own life becomes very different - don't make assumptions about how others see you - and remember that there are 6.6 million migrants in Australia of all nationalities - Azeri to Zimbabwean or anything else makes no difference - that are doing just fine - you can be one of them if you choose to be. If you are open and friendly to others and meet just one person you like, and they like you, that's all it takes. 

In any case, I think we're starting to go round in circles now, and we're simply repeating what's already been said, so I'm closing this thread.


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