# Driving (humour)



## Lanason (Sep 1, 2009)

I have worked out that I should be great at driving in Egypt because it uses all the same techniques as driving a boat. i.e.

Water = Road (no defined lanes and choppy and rough)
Power boats = Cars
Yachts = lorries (subject to sudden and random changes of direction)
Jet-skis = motor bikes (zipping about in all directions)

Rules of the water apply:-
have a look here International Regulations for Preventing Collisions at Sea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia and see those that have a common interpretation ;-)


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## MaidenScotland (Jun 6, 2009)

So very very true


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## Lanason (Sep 1, 2009)

MaidenScotland said:


> So very very true


I really like :-

The following signals, used or exhibited either together or separately, indicate distress and need of assistance:
(a) a gun or other explosive signal fired at intervals of about a minute;
(b) a continuous sounding with any fog-signalling apparatus;
(c) rockets or shells, throwing red stars fired one at a time at short intervals;
(d) a signal made by radiotelegraphy or by any other signalling method consisting of the group . . . — — — . . . (SOS) in the Morse Code;
(e) a signal sent by radiotelephony consisting of the spoken word “Mayday”;
(f) the International Code Signal of distress indicated by NC;
(g) a signal consisting of a square flag having above or below it a ball or anything resembling a ball;
(h) flames on the vessel (as from a burning tar barrel, oil barrel, etc);
(i) a rocket parachute flare or a hand flare showing a red light;
(j) a smoke signal giving off orange-coloured smoke;
(k) slowly and repeatedly raising and lowering arms outstretched to each side;
(l) the radiotelegraph alarm signal;
(m) signals transmitted by emergency position-indicating radio beacons; (see GMDSS)
 approved signals transmitted by radiocommunication systems, including survival craft radar transponders. (see GMDSS)
2. The use or exhibition of any of the foregoing signals except for the purpose of indicating distress and need of assistance and the use of other signals which may be confused with any of the above signals is prohibited.
3. Attention is drawn to the relevant sections of the International Code of Signals, the Merchant Ship Search and Rescue Manual and the following signals;
(a) a piece of orange-coloured canvas with either a black square and circle or other appropriate symbol (for identification from the air);
(b) a dye marker.
:eyebrows::eyebrows:


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## MaidenScotland (Jun 6, 2009)

I like the fact that if you wash your yellow dusters and peg them onto your sails to dry as soon as you go into port customs gives you a visit lol


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## Lanason (Sep 1, 2009)

MaidenScotland said:


> I like the fact that if you wash your yellow dusters and peg them onto your sails to dry as soon as you go into port customs gives you a visit lol


I just love my wacky view of life - don't you ????:eyebrows:


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## elrasho (May 16, 2010)

Found this blog about driving in Cairo its really well written: The Irish Alexandrian Speaks Up And Out From Cairo

Also written by the same author The Art of Crossing The Roads in Egypt:

When I cross the streets here I use a technique I like to call ‘the owl’. As I’m sure you already know an owl’s neck can rotate almost a full 360 degrees. When you come to cross the road here, you have to be prepared for anything coming or going in any direction. Owl vision helps you see the traffic from all possible directions and be prepared for the unexpected. On many occasions you will find that a car may come in the opposite direction of where it shouldn’t be coming from or an anxious driver has forgotten where his breaks are and has pushed down on the gas peddle as you happen to be crossing. Some drivers will drive will even speed up while your foot is in mid air between the curb and the road and you will swear blind that he or she was aiming for you.

You are probably wondering how to use this technique of mine. Let me tell you. Your head can only turn as far as your neck will allow. So, you have to rely on other senses not just sight. Your hearing is very valuable, because like a driver you have a blind spot, your ears make up for that by picking up the sound of the wheels on the tarmaced roads and the revving of the car engines. Your eyes and ears give you a 3D CineMax experience. So, if you have your i-pod in your ears when you walk the streets to avoid hearing the buzz of the city or the harassing comments, pause the tunes when you come to cross the road. If you don’t you will put yourself in jeopardy and ruin the CineMax experience. 

The Rules of crossing the road in Egypt are quite different. For people who have never been to Egypt this will probably be one of the biggest shocks you get when you first arrive. The best way to describe it is ‘taking your life in to your own hands’. If you are a risk taker or a dare devil, you may get some enjoyment out of this but it won’t compare to sky diving. 

Most people are familiar with the rules of crossing a road at a designated area better known as the zebra crossing, standing on the side walk and looking both ways before crossing the road and wait for the light to turn red so that you can make it to the other side safely. Those you ‘may’ use here but that doesn’t mean it will always work and that the drivers and other pedestrians will abide by them. People in Egypt cross the road at any given time, even when the traffic is at its busiest and cars are rushing by at top speed. They will step off the side walk and walk across the road without a side ways glance at the incoming traffic. They have it down to a fine art. Watching them makes my blood turn cold, but I have to admit that they do have balls of steel. Personally, I would much rather wait for a BIG gap in the traffic before trying to cross the road. So, please don’t attempt it!

I have also noticed that when the pedestrians walk across the road, they have no fear in their stride or in their eyes. They walk across the street like they own it and that the cars are the ones who are intruding on their domain. That is a look that you do need to have down pat because the drivers here sense fear and if they think you are afraid they will not slow down, they will intimidate you by speeding up.
You need to make eye contact with the driver and stare them down so that they know that YOU ARE GOING TO CROSS THE ROAD AND THEY ARE GOING TO SLOW DOWN. Think of it as a kind of Wild West show down.

Another tactic is to stand near a local who is about to cross the road and move with them. Like everything you do in life, it takes practice!


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