# I want to return to Mexico, but...need advice!



## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Hello all! A little intro before I pose my question/concern...

I lived my life long dream of living in Mexico when I moved to a suburb of Mexico City (located officially in Estado de Mexico, in the area of Satelite) where I met my husband. Two of our children were born and raised there up until 2011 when we moved to the U.S. so my husband could obtain U.S. citizenship which he is applying for this month! Our third and last child was born here in the U.S. and our oldest is attending kindegarten here.

We are currently in California but desire to return to Mexico for many reasons. My husband has been unable to find a job in his career here and does not make a livable wage (we are staying with my mom) for our family of 5 at the job he had to take to at least feed and clothe us, I have worked but gave it up because childcare consumes almost all of my salary and could only find part-time work...very tough since we led a comfortable middle class life in Mexico on my husbands salary only. All of our family and friends, our support system, are in Mexico (my relationship with my mom is strained and I am estranged from all other family members)...so we feel we are missing out on a lot...rich family gatherings, outtings with friends, being able to work as professionals/affordable life, and then the ease of transportation (lots of options) as well as shopping (tianguis every Friday, store/pharmacy/clinic/etc. on every corner).

Life has actually been harder and more complicated for us here in California...and I know with a little more time and preserverance it could change, but it has been draining emotionally not having our independence, a strain economically, and feels like a nightmare sometimes. Mexico seems like the logical, easy escape route, but...

We feel discouraged reading the news, my husband is even more reluctant than I am on going back to Mexico. He spoke with a friend of his the other day who lives in Estado de Mexico in Izcalli (also where most of our family/friends live) who said she and her family no longer go out, there is a narco war there for the territory, that the commandos are kidnapping children, etc. We speak to others who travel back and forth from here to Mexico who say it is an exaggeration, and others who seem aloof or indifferent to the violence as something they have simply gotten used to and accepted.

My question for you expats is...has it gotten worse? Is the news an exaggeration? 

I never felt unsafe when I lived in Mexico...but that was 3 years ago...is it radically different now? My husband feels it is, that we would not be going back to "the same Mexico".

I just have a hard time accepting this reality I am living when in retrospect, I had it so much better in Mexico.


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

The best advice you can get is from your family and friends who live in the area where you want to go back, listen to what they have to say.
There are areas in Mexico that have less problems than others ie Yucatan and others so it all depends where you want to move to.
If you want all the friends and family gathering that you used to enjoy, that means going back to the people who are telling you it is now angerous so you may want to listen to them.

In our area we have not noticed more problems than 3 years ago, actually it is better now but it is not the same Mexico we movedd to 13 years ago..that is for sure.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

citlali said:


> The best advice you can get is from your family and friends who live in the area where you want to go back, listen to what they have to say.
> There are areas in Mexico that have less problems than others ie Yucatan and others so it all depends where you want to move to.
> If you want all the friends and family gathering that you used to enjoy, that means going back to the people who are telling you it is now angerous so you may want to listen to them.
> 
> In our area we have not noticed more problems than 3 years ago, actually it is better now but it is not the same Mexico we movedd to 13 years ago..that is for sure.


Living in the middle of Mexico City near El Angel, the only problems I've noticed lately have been the sometimes out of control marches and demonstrations by political organizations, mostly the lovely teachers' union. But when I'm in my neighborhood a few blocks in back of the US Embassy, all is well.

I have a friend (and former student) who has lived in Cuatitlán Izcalli all her life. She wrote me a few weeks ago that things have gotten a bit dangerous there, so she doesn't like going out at night, especially by herself. That doesn't mean, of course, that she's thinking of moving. Maybe the OP should plan a visit back to her old neighborhood in the Estado de México and see for herself how things are.


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## Longford (May 25, 2012)

MissingMexico said:


> We feel discouraged reading the news, my husband is even more reluctant than I am on going back to Mexico. He spoke with a friend of his the other day who lives in Estado de Mexico in Izcalli (also where most of our family/friends live) who said she and her family no longer go out, there is a narco war there for the territory, that the commandos are kidnapping children, etc. We speak to others who travel back and forth from here to Mexico who say it is an exaggeration, and others who seem aloof or indifferent to the violence as something they have simply gotten used to and accepted.
> 
> My question for you expats is...has it gotten worse? Is the news an exaggeration?
> 
> ...


WELCOME TO THE MEXICO FORUM!

Satellite, in Naulcalpan (Edo. de Mex.) is a nice community. I have friends who've lived there for many years and I've visited often through the years. Lucky you to have lived there. 

I haven't been to Cuautitlán Izcalli in a couple of years, and then it was during daylight hours. The Ford assembly plant there provides a lot of jobs for the community. I take the suburban train from Buenavista Station out to CI and then a bus from there to Tepotzotlán when I visit the Museo del Virreinato.

While family/friends still living there will have a better knowledge of current events such as crimes than you might have living a distance away, it sounds to me that, if you can afford to do so, a 'familiarization', or refamiliarization trip is in order. 

The war has spawned cottage industries of criminal activities in various communities which oftentimes seem to come and go, intensify and simmer down. It can be a fluid/ever-changing environment in many places. Parts of the Edo. de Mexico closest to the D.F. seem to have been experiencing a lot of crime and violence ... if what I hear and see and read in reports. 

If you're having difficulty making ends meet living in the USA, do you think you will really fare better back in Mexico? I hope that's what happens, for the better ... for you and your family. Best of luck!


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

Longford said:


> WELCOME TO THE MEXICO FORUM!
> 
> Satellite, in Naulcalpan (Edo. de Mex.) is a nice community. I have friends who've lived there for many years and I've visited often through the years. Lucky you to have lived there.
> 
> ...


Useful comments, Longford. I would add that if the OP and her family return to Mexico to live, it might be easier for her husband to find work here than it has been for him in California, especially if he has a profession which he has already practiced in Mexico. Hopefully, his family and friends would have help him make useful contacts which could lead to a decent job.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

I wish you the best of luck. From what you say, whatever you decide is going to be tough. Sounds to me like your life is back in Mexico, and your husband has found a new life he likes better in the US.  I feel most for the children, as they really will have no say in the decision, yet their futures are at stake here also. Sad that you have lost your US family. Good luck. A return by all of you for a visit is certainly in order, and listen to what each has to say afterwards.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

coondawg said:


> I wish you the best of luck. From what you say, whatever you decide is going to be tough. Sounds to me like your life is back in Mexico, and your husband has found a new life he likes better in the US.  I feel most for the children, as they really will have no say in the decision, yet their futures are at stake here also. Sad that you have lost your US family. Good luck. A return by all of you for a visit is certainly in order, and listen to what each has to say afterwards.


If her husband hasn't found a job that will allow him to support his family, how is that "a new life he likes better in the US"?


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Thank you so much for all your honest and thoughtful responses. Visiting, just for vacation, to check how things are going has been an option that we will now most definitely take before going back...if we make that choice. Someone mentioned my children...they are the ones who we want to base our choices on...I feel they will miss out on having a family if we stay in the U.S. and my husband fears they will miss out on living in safety if we go back to Mexico! Then there is the issue of our economic situation and husband not being able to "breakthrough" into his career here in the U.S. which is a whole other element of anxiety to add onto the more philosophical issues at hand. Husband says he would be happy never returning to Mexico! He is ready to be an American, loves this country, enjoys the safety, trust in the police, etc. I understand, but will my kids pay the price of not having grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles? I guess it is a hard pill for me to swallow...I think it concerns me more than sacrificing my middle class Mexican life for a very tight budget, modest and humble American life...the whole family/friends bit.

Sigh! At least you bounced your ideas off of me...many thanks, it gives me food for thought!


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Husband says he would be happy never returning to Mexico! He is ready to be an American, loves this country, enjoys the safety, trust in the police, etc. I understand, but will my kids pay the price of not having grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles? 

Another "new" American ! Congratulations. No way you can mend the fences on your side? Good luck to the Family.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

coondawg said:


> Husband says he would be happy never returning to Mexico! He is ready to be an American, loves this country, enjoys the safety, trust in the police, etc. I understand, but will my kids pay the price of not having grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles?
> 
> Another "new" American ! Congratulations. No way you can mend the fences on your side? Good luck to the Family.


I feel sorry for Missing Mexico and her family. I find it odd that her Mexican husband is fine with moving so far from his family while she is eager to make her life with them. Most Mexicans I know, even when they finally move out of the parental home, are loath to move very far from the neighborhood where they grew up.


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

coondawg said:


> Another "new" American ! Congratulations. No way you can mend the fences on your side? Good luck to the Family.


Thank you! 

I wish there was a way to mend the fences but my family issues are not minor...there is a lot of pretty nasty stuff there, lots of mental illness and drama in general...too much dysfunction for my taste which is why I cut them off. Drug addiction, infidelity, suicide attempts...no mending that, I just stay as far away as possible. 

My family in Mexico is lovely though...the ones I always dreamt of having!


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Isla Verde said:


> I feel sorry for Missing Mexico and her family. I find it odd that her Mexican husband is fine with moving so far from his family while she is eager to make her life with them. Most Mexicans I know, even when they finally move out of the parental home, are loath to move very far from the neighborhood where they grew up.


Oh no, he misses them dearly! There have been tears, but husband says he has more loyalty to his kids and their well-being. He says even though it hurts him to be far from his loved ones, America is worth it.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> Oh no, he misses them dearly! There have been tears, but husband says he has more loyalty to his kids and their well-being. He says even though it hurts him to be far from his loved ones, America is worth it.


Why does he think that life will be so awful for them in Mexico? Did he have a difficult time growing up here? And if he hasn't been able to establish himself professionally in the States, how will he be able to provide for them?


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## maesonna (Jun 10, 2008)

We live in the far south of Mexico City, and our personal experience is that it has not gotten worse for us here at all in the last 3 years, or even in the last 5 or 10 years. I can readily believe, though, that that people in Mexico State where you were living might have had a different experience.


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

Isla Verde said:


> Why does he think that life will be so awful for them in Mexico? Did he have a difficult time growing up here? And if he hasn't been able to establish himself professionally in the States, how will he be able to provide for them?


A common theme in San Diego from Mexican immigrants is they want their children to have an excellent public education and any sacrifice they make to this end is worth it. I feel some have done this regardless of living in poorer conditions that they would need to do back home.


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## adoborepublic (Apr 25, 2014)

Isla Verde said:


> Why does he think that life will be so awful for them in Mexico? Did he have a difficult time growing up here? And if he hasn't been able to establish himself professionally in the States, how will he be able to provide for them?


Could be the same reason professional Filipinos migrate to other parts of the world - mostly in the Middle East, Europe and North America. More economic opportunities for them (including myself) than deciding to stay in their home country. 

Unless we actually lived in his/her own shoes, we will not really know the reason.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

adoborepublic said:


> Could be the same reason professional Filipinos migrate to other parts of the world - mostly in the Middle East, Europe and North America. More economic opportunities for them (including myself) than deciding to stay in their home country.
> 
> Unless we actually lived in his/her own shoes, we will not really know the reason.


From what the OP has written, it doesn't sound like her husband has found more but rather fewer economic opportunities in the States. But as you say, there's no way we can know what his real reasons are for wanting to stay in the US.


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## terrybahena (Oct 3, 2011)

Such a hard decision for a family. Maybe when hubby gets US citizenship he will feel more comfortable to go back and forth, that a decision to move one way or the other can be changed...I know the US 'seems better" but things like health care are so much cheaper here, and schools- well are the schools in Mexico worse than the US? I know of course it depends, location,..public/private, charter, etc...I think family is really important- but I never had close relatives, even siblings, so I am sooo attracted to the closeness of family here. Good luck to you whatever you choose...


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

terrybahena said:


> Such a hard decision for a family. Maybe when hubby gets US citizenship he will feel more comfortable to go back and forth, that a decision to move one way or the other can be changed...I know the US 'seems better" but things like health care are so much cheaper here, and schools- well are the schools in Mexico worse than the US? ..


You are correct, a really "tough" decision for a family.  
I have to disagree with you on two accounts: (1) health care and (2)schools. I have been in Mexico for almost 15 years, part-time. With my Medicare and supplement(and drug card), my health care expenses are much, much cheaper NOB, and I always try to schedule my appointments when I am NOB. That may not be true for every retiree, but for me, it is not even close. The public school system in Mexico is a farce [I speak as a retired educator from NOB and one who also has 2 family members (by marriage)that teach/administrate in the Mexican public schools]. I am sure that some "private" schools can provide what we NOB would call a very good education, but those schools are very expensive, and most Mexicans can not pay for schooling, which is free NOB. Sadly, the Mexican government does nothing of significance to improve the lot of the children of Mexico, and never has. As much as I enjoy my time in Mexico, if I could not afford to pay for a quality education for my children (if I had some here), I feel I would be robbing them of opportunities in life by not taking them NOB for an education.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

coondawg said:


> You are correct, a really "tough" decision for a family.
> I have to disagree with you on . . . health care . . . . I have been in Mexico for almost 15 years, part-time. With my Medicare and supplement(and drug card), my health care expenses are much, much cheaper NOB, and I always try to schedule my appointments when I am NOB. That may not be true for every retiree, but for me, it is not even close.


I am a retired expat in Mexico. What works for you regarding health care certainly wouldn't work for me since I only visit family and friends in the US once a year. I live in Mexico now and get my health care here. What I pay for private doctors and even medicine (including cholesterol meds) in Mexico is easily affordable for me, even on my modest pension income. And let's remember that the OP and her family are young and would not be able to rely on Medicare as you do. Unless her husband eventually finds a job with good benefits which include health insurance for his entire family, they will be hard-pressed to find affordable health care.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Almost sounds like this family will qualify for "free" lunches for children in school, maybe Medicaid(I don't know how that works), aid to families with dependent children, and if in California, lots of State aid. Maybe the father has checked into this and feels they will get along just fine there. A very interesting situation, for sure.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

coondawg said:


> Almost sounds like this family will qualify for "free" lunches for children in school, maybe Medicaid(I don't know how that works), aid to families with dependent children, and if in California, lots of State aid. Maybe the father has checked into this and feels they will get along just fine there. A very interesting situation, for sure.


Doesn't sound very appealing to me - giving up a decent life in Mexico to live on government handouts in California, but that's just my opinion, of course.


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## terrybahena (Oct 3, 2011)

Yeah- we are not on medicare, and so doctors and dentists are MUCH cheaper here. Going to the doctor costs about 35 pesos in the door. That's with no insurance at a "similare" or a clinic, which I just visited. A root canal is as low as 250 pesos where we were down south and I think my husband just paid 500 pesos here. Try about $1200in the US.....

Maybe schools in Mexico are indeed lacking, but I was kinda more thinking about the states. Kids graduating from high school that can barely read, no math skills....(my experience is Calif) but at a jr high when volunteering I was told they never (yeah never) hold kids back no matter what they're failing....they pass them to high school and let it be dealt with there. This is not hearsay, this was my experience. I know that was one situation, not everywhere or all the time...I'm just sayin' there's lots of things to consider.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Terry, I am sorry your educational experience was not of much benefit to you. As I said, I was commenting on MY costs for health care and I did say that it may be different for others. I have seen what happens to children here in Mexico (family children) who are struggling in school, and thankfully in the US there are laws that keep those things from happening. My experience in education has certainly been different from yours, but you asked if the US was really better, no? I just tried to answer your question. I am sorry, but I don't understand your comments on holding back students, so I can't comment on those. Good luck, Terry, I wish I could find those root canals in Mexico for 250p; since 1999, the cheapest I've found was 1200, and that was in 1999. My last (2012) was 1,500p. Certainly still much cheaper than NOB. I get as much of my dental work done in Mexico as I can.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Isla Verde said:


> Doesn't sound very appealing to me - giving up a decent life in Mexico to live on government handouts in California, but that's just my opinion, of course.


I'm with you, but evidently there are a bunch out in California (and other States) that disagree with us.  I even left out food stamps.


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Thank you for the replies, it has been an interesting conversation!

Husband wants me to be patient, he says he is not giving up working in his career here and that it is a question of time and diligence. He said he feels our daughters public schooling here in the U.S. is superior to even any private education he received in Mexico. All our relatives and friends in Mexico attended private schools as do their children now. Granted, despite the fact that we are in California, daughters school ranks very good, plus she is in dual immersion. Anyway, husband is impressed with this, among other things like smooth sidewalks...I could give you a hundred other reasons why he loves America over Mexico, and he insists that as an immigrant I cannot expect us to have what we had built in Mexico "All immigrants struggle at first" is what he says.

He receives medical insurance through his employer...although we both feel that the quality of care we receive here pales in comparison to Mexico, we feel like cattle passing through a farm, in Mexico we paid for private care and my doctor was like a friend! Here, the doctor hardly even looks up to greet me...it is annoying.

P.S. If we ever return to Mexico, public school would not even be an option...husband would absolutely refuse.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> Thank you for the replies, it has been an interesting conversation!
> 
> Husband wants me to be patient, he says he is not giving up working in his career here and that it is a question of time and diligence. He said he feels our daughters public schooling here in the U.S. is superior to even any private education he received in Mexico. All our relatives and friends in Mexico attended private schools as do their children now. Granted, despite the fact that we are in California, daughters school ranks very good, plus she is in dual immersion. Anyway, husband is impressed with this, among other things like smooth sidewalks...I could give you a hundred other reasons why he loves America over Mexico, and he insists that as an immigrant I cannot expect us to have what we had built in Mexico "All immigrants struggle at first" is what he says.
> 
> ...


I wonder if your husband was thinking about moving permanently to the States even before he had lived there or had even met you. It does sound like he's made up his mind to stay, no matter what you say or want.


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Haha, um...NO...he was very anti-YANKEE, that is how he expressed himself before coming and even up to a year afterward. He warmed up to America, trust me...but now with heads rolling, literally, in Izcalli where most of our family/friends are...he said going back would be stupid.

Oh well, you are right.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> Haha, um...NO...he was very anti-YANKEE, that is how he expressed himself before coming and even up to a year afterward. He warmed up to America, trust me...but now with heads rolling, literally, in Izcalli where most of our family/friends are...he said going back would be stupid.
> 
> Oh well, you are right.


That's interesting. If he was so anti-Yankee, then why did you move there in the first place? I think you need to come back to Mexico for a vacation, so he can see that things are not as bad as he imagines. I'd be happy to give you a tour of my neighborhood where I can assure you that no one has lost his or her head recently, unless they've fallen in love . And remind your husband that there's more to life than smooth sidewalks!


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Isla, you are lovely for inviting us! Hehe...I love Reforma, would love to go back to show husband things are not so bad, of course!

Oh we came so he can have U.S. Citizenship...have to live here at least 3 years with a greencard to get it, and we wanted it so we could have ease of travel between U.S. and Mexico for shopping/vacations.

I have hope husband might change his mind with a vacation.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> Isla, you are lovely for inviting us! Hehe...I love Reforma, would love to go back to show husband things are not so bad, of course!
> 
> Oh we came so he can have U.S. Citizenship...have to live here at least 3 years with a greencard to get it, and we wanted it so we could have ease of travel between U.S. and Mexico for shopping/vacations.
> 
> I have hope husband might change his mind with a vacation.


I was wondering if your husband had spent much time outside of Mexico (traveling, living, studying) before moving to the States.


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

No, his dream was to travel to Germany and Japan, he said U.S. never crossed his mind as he did not consider it culturally rich as Europe or Asia, he associated U.S. as the country poor, uneducated Mexicans go to...my father-in-law is an accountant, owns several homes and land/businesses in Mexico so my husband did not consider U.S. as much as Europe for the possibility of visiting.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> No, his dream was to travel to Germany and Japan, he said U.S. never crossed his mind as he did not consider it culturally rich as Europe or Asia, he associated U.S. as the country poor, uneducated Mexicans go to...my father-in-law is an accountant, owns several homes and land/businesses in Mexico so my husband did not consider U.S. as much as Europe for the possibility of visiting.


But had he ever spent time outside of Mexico, that's what I was getting at. If the US was the first foreign country he'd spent time in, that could explain why he has, in a sense, fallen in love with it. The same thing might have happened if you were German and you'd gone there to live for awhile. Mexico was the first foreign country I'd ever visited (I spent the summer between my junior and senior years of college here), and I fell in love with everything Mexican! That's one reason, among many, that I ended up retiring here a few years ago.

It's interesting (and kind of sad) that someone like your husband, from an obviously well-to-do Mexican family, feels that his family will have a better life in the US than in Mexico.

Does your husband know that you've been looking for advice (and spilling family secrets) from a bunch of strangers on the internet?


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## MissingMexico (May 2, 2014)

Your theory makes sense and yes, this is his first visit to a foreign country.

Oh I hardly consider speaking in very generic, general terms about my situation as "spilling family secrets"...besides, when you want advice and opinions you can't expect helpful answers if your readers do not know the scope of what you are facing...in this case I have divulged what I consider the necessary information to give you as much of a clear picture as possible of my issue at hand.

In any case, advice from family and friends is often biased because of the emotional links involved...I like advice from outside my intimate circle for this reason and felt this might be a good platform.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

MissingMexico said:


> Your theory makes sense and yes, this is his first visit to a foreign country.
> 
> Oh I hardly consider speaking in very generic, general terms about my situation as "spilling family secrets"...besides, when you want advice and opinions you can't expect helpful answers if your readers do not know the scope of what you are facing...in this case I have divulged what I consider the necessary information to give you as much of a clear picture as possible of my issue at hand.
> 
> In any case, advice from family and friends is often biased because of the emotional links involved...I like advice from outside my intimate circle for this reason and felt this might be a good platform.


If he had a negative idea of what the USA was like, that could make the reality of the USA seem even better than it really was. Has he seen the dark side of life in America, I wonder. After all, there are many places with bad sidewalks and problems with safety and bad schools.

You are a very sensible woman. I have the feeling that you and your husband will be able to find a solution to your dilemma that will satisfy both of you. Maybe you could live in California and you and your children could spend summers with his family in Mexico.


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

Isla Verde said:


> If he had a negative idea of what the USA was like, that could make the reality of the USA seem even better than it really was. Has he seen the dark side of life in America, I wonder. After all, there are many places with bad sidewalks and problems with safety and bad schools.
> 
> You are a very sensible woman. I have the feeling that you and your husband will be able to find a solution to your dilemma that will satisfy both of you. Maybe you could live in California and you and your children could spend summers with his family in Mexico.


The "darkside of life" in California instantly brought to mind the habit companies there have [unless in some type of unión] of only allowing a worker, no matter the position, a 2 week a year vacation. Work 50 get 2 off with pay. Here everyone I know gets many more vacation days and longer annual paid vacations, except the maids.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

MissingMexico said:


> Thank you for the replies, it has been an interesting conversation!
> 
> He receives medical insurance through his employer...although we both feel that the quality of care we receive here pales in comparison to Mexico, we feel like cattle passing through a farm, in Mexico we paid for private care and my doctor was like a friend! Here, the doctor hardly even looks up to greet me...it is annoying.


 It is very difficult for me to relate to that type of medical care, never experiencing it in 72 years of my life NOB , nor do I know anyone personally that has experienced such treatment. I can't speak for others, but were that ever to happen to me, I would certainly go to another doctor. Trust and patience are the qualities I have always had in my doctors/health care, and I have never been disappointed. Maybe it is the lot one accepts in life.


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## Rayito de luna (May 7, 2014)

I dont want to beat a dead horse, but just some quick thoughts...

We hear of people being kidnapped for ransom every once in awhile in my neighborhood, often times they turn out to be absolutely untrue rumors. Other times we cant find/know if it indeed happened or not. 

If California isnt working for you in the States and he wants to try and make it work, why not consider a different state/area? We have many reasons for being in Mexico (numero uno- familia!) , but hands down the neighborhood we come from in the States IS indeed much safer. We had to decide if being able to walk around the neighborhood after dinner at dusk (safely) was more important that our family here. For now, Mexico wins because we wanted our girls to have that connection. Our mexican family members can not come visit us stateside- so any relationship to be had with their grandparents etc HAS to be here in Mexico. 

Lastly, we have family members in the neighborhoods mentioned and have not been told of any increased risk. Of course, smaller parts of each neighborhood may be more or less safe, just like any place in the US or otherwise. The only way to be sure is visit, like others mentioned. Have you discussed moving to what would be considered a safer neighborhood here in EDO MEX or DF? If your husband has more work oppurtunities in MX, perhaps a different neighborhood would be within reach and then you would be less concerned about safety and the kiddos. 

PS, I have found there are certain people who refer to ALL crime/criminals as "narcos". Thats not always the case, but someones auunts neighbors barbers mail delivery guy said so and people pass it on like its the truth. (My MIL happens to refer to all criminals that seem to have money as narcos. All.  ) So it can be very hard to sort out what is heresay. 

Good luck with the decision!


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

Rayito de luna said:


> PS, I have found there are certain people who refer to ALL crime/criminals as "narcos". Thats not always the case, but someones auunts neighbors barbers mail delivery guy said so and people pass it on like its the truth. (My MIL happens to refer to all criminals that seem to have money as narcos. All.  ) So it can be very hard to sort out what is heresay.
> 
> Good luck with the decision!


Nobody really mentions the "gossip protocol" and it's negative effects like you just did. 

I don´t see anyone calling criminals "narcos" for the reasons you do.

I do hear something similar when talking about the IMMS, for example. I have heard people tell stories about bungled operations or diagnosis there and when getting more into the conversation it seems almost all the stories circulated are from 10 or 15 or even 20 years ago and happened to a neighbor´s sister´s coworker´s son etc. 

Aslo when talking about corrupt officials, same thing. It was 10 to 20 years ago and happened to someone´s coworker´s husband´s friend´s uncle. etc.

A few stories about a few new impressive buildings or fancy love motels that seem to have nobody using them occasionally are refered to as "Narcos" laundering money and keeeping them until they need the money sometime in the future etc.

Also a few stories circulated when several popular clubs have closed here lately, including Applebees which closed and is for sale now, that the "bad men" where extrorting them and got too greedy. There might be some truth to these stories, but who knows. It is something nobody would mention to anyone even if it were true.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Agree with Alan; in Mexico one rarely knows the truth about what is going on and by whom. I think that is because Mexico has become the best at using "smoke" to cover up things. So, just because you hear "narcos" it could just as easily be one or more of local street gangs or just regular robbers, or local corrupt political oficials.


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