# I'm uncomfortable with this . . . (opinions please)



## Leper (May 12, 2010)

Last summer at Garrucha market I noticed a well spoken elderly lady next to me buying bedclothes from a stall dealer. She wanted king size sheets, duvet etc. The Vendor was selling her double size bed stuff. 

I knew the English lady was being given what she did not want, but she spoke no Spanish and the saleslady spoke no English. My Spanish is good, therefore, I interrupted and attempted to inform the English lady of what she was purchasing. My Irish accent is as broad as a runway in Heathrow and I am proud of my Irishness. The lady informed me that she did not ask for my assistance (true!) and did not need any of my advice.

Being an Irish Leper, I immediately shut up and observed as she paid for a load of bedclothing that would never be of use to her.

OK Lep, what point are you trying to make?

This is not the first time I came upon such attitude. Even in some busy restaurants I have asked the people in an adjoining table to pass the salt (not to bother the busy waitress) to find my plea ignored.

My best friends in Spain are all from the UK (mainly England). I do not want to bring the subject up with them in case they think I'm shedding brain cells by the thousands per minute. But, I have come across too much of the same to remain silent.

Please, any comments and no matter what, I will not take offence.


----------



## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Leper said:


> Last summer at Garrucha market I noticed a well spoken elderly lady next to me buying bedclothes from a stall dealer. She wanted king size sheets, duvet etc. The Vendor was selling her double size bed stuff.
> 
> I knew the English lady was being given what she did not want, but she spoke no Spanish and the saleslady spoke no English. My Spanish is good, therefore, I interrupted and attempted to inform the English lady of what she was purchasing. My Irish accent is as broad as a runway in Heathrow and I am proud of my Irishness. The lady informed me that she did not ask for my assistance (true!) and did not need any of my advice.
> 
> ...


If your best friends are from the UK you must be doing something right somewhere, I mean some people have obviously seen past whatever it is that the sheets lady didn't or couldn't. However, that doesn't mean that there isn't room for improvement. You can't change your Irishness and hopefully you wouldn't need to, but maybe you have a loud voice, an abrupt manner, a know it all attitude that people don't like???
I would ask your friends if I were you, giving the same examples you have given here, after all they are the ones that know you.
Good luck, and have an open mind


----------



## alborino (Dec 13, 2014)

Leper said:


> Last summer at Garrucha market I noticed a well spoken elderly lady next to me buying bedclothes from a stall dealer. She wanted king size sheets, duvet etc. The Vendor was selling her double size bed stuff.
> 
> I knew the English lady was being given what she did not want, but she spoke no Spanish and the saleslady spoke no English. My Spanish is good, therefore, I interrupted and attempted to inform the English lady of what she was purchasing. My Irish accent is as broad as a runway in Heathrow and I am proud of my Irishness. The lady informed me that she did not ask for my assistance (true!) and did not need any of my advice.
> 
> ...


Leper there are sad people in the world and maybe by chance you bumped into several in a short period of time but just a couple of thoughts:

-- People sometimes get very embarrassed at their inability to communicate and thus when someone comes along who is more capable than them their first instinct can be to get defensive. 

-- In some circumstances if your accent is strong, and they were tuned to spanish sounds at that moment, could it be that they didn't understand you and then didn't know how to handle it?

I'm surprised you have found this a specific problem as you Irish travel well and I believe are very well received in most places around the globe. 

I cannot believe there is any anti Irish element to this. Just use that sunny Irish smile of yours for a few weeks, try talking a little slower if your accent is that strong, and then reassess. 

Personally as an Englishman with the cross of St George running through me like a stick of rock, I'll still be shouting the Irish on in the 6 nations against everyone except on the 1st March


----------



## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Just before Christmas I took delivery of a turkey and the English lady in front asked the guy selling them if they would keep until Christmas day or should she freeze it. I told her one option was to brine it (soak it in slat water for 2 days) which would ensure it remained fresh until required. She told me to shut up as she hadn't asked for my advice. When she left, the guy selling them, a butcher (and a very good one), said that he thought my advice was great and that he would pass it on to other customers. As for his previous customer - he used a centrally located finger pointing in a generally upward fashion...

Some people simply don't want advice however well offered, so probably nothing to worry about Leper.


----------



## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

thrax said:


> Some people simply don't want advice however well offered, so probably nothing to worry about Leper.


This is certainly true, and as alborino pointed out, some people don't know how to cope with their lack of language skills very well, and get very defensive. Also, older people sometimes have problems recognising the fact that younger people know more than them about certain things (I have had that problem in my own family for many years!). Some people, it has to be said, are just not very nice... 
But most of the time it's 6 of one and half a dozen of another, so if someone sees a problem in communicating with others it's not a bad idea to do as Leper has done, and look in the mirror for a while.


----------



## mrsn2ewy (Jan 5, 2015)

There are some rude people around and how sad you are being so kind as well.

The lady you were trying to help would have realised that when she got home! and others who seem to not understand you, thats the same for most areas not just irish, I'm from North East UK, Geordie Land! Near Newcastle.. lots don't understand some of the broader people from here, my husband has experienced this before, and i end up having to repeat what he has just said as sometime people cannot understand him when we are abroad..

I'm well travelled as being Cabin Crew for many years, i have met very very rude people and i know what that feels like and how it leaves you feeling personally.

But i have met some great irish crew over the years..accent is lovely! if someone dosent understand you there loss from not getting to chat to a nice person, or taking time to understand you. 

Have a a good weekend


----------



## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

mrsn2ewy said:


> There are some rude people around and how sad you are being so kind as well.
> 
> The lady you were trying to help would have realised that when she got home! and others who seem to not understand you, thats the same for most areas not just irish, I'm from North East UK, Geordie Land! Near Newcastle.. lots don't understand some of the broader people from here, my husband has experienced this before, and i end up having to repeat what he has just said as sometime people cannot understand him when we are abroad..
> 
> ...



As someone who flew to London from Prague and Gibraltar on almost a weekly basis for a few years I sympathise with all cabin crew who have a lot to put up with. It's a job I'm temperamentally unsuited for as I tend to bite back (something you'll notice if you post regularly on this Forum).
I've seen appalling rudeness from some passengers and Club Europe were the worst.

Once, years ago, when I lived in Prague, I stood waiting at the traffic lights in the City Centre and overhead a group of English tourists discussing how to get to somewhere quite near, eventually deciding to get a taxi. 
Prague taxi drivers are notorious rip-off merchants and I've had some great run-ins with them...so, trying to be helpful, I excused myself for overhearing their conversation and said they could catch a tram for the equivalent of a few p.
They totally ignored me, just looked at me as if I were trying to rip them off.
**** it, I thought.....I don't offer advice any more as people are so suspicious of any stranger who talks to them for whatever reason.
Sign of the times, I guess.


----------



## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

I think the problem lies with this "well-spoken" woman and others like her, and has nothing to do with your Irishness. I don't have a discerrnible accent but sometimes when I've made similar attempts to help such people, they look at me as if I've got sh!t on my shoe. They just won't ever admit they don't know it all.

Personally my ears prick up when I hear an Irish accent. I associate it with having a lot of fun and good conversation. Sláinte!


----------



## angil (Sep 24, 2012)

mrsn2ewy said:


> There are some rude people around and how sad you are being so kind as well.
> 
> The lady you were trying to help would have realised that when she got home! and others who seem to not understand you, thats the same for most areas not just irish, I'm from North East UK, Geordie Land! Near Newcastle.. lots don't understand some of the broader people from here, my husband has experienced this before, and i end up having to repeat what he has just said as sometime people cannot understand him when we are abroad..
> 
> ...


----------



## 90199 (Mar 21, 2010)

Now if you were to live ere there would not be a problem, only four English, maybe a Scot , few English speakers. Hey you would also be the unique Irish person


----------



## 213979 (Apr 11, 2013)

Leper, I'm American. I hear you. 

HOWEVER, I don't think this lady's foolishness had anything to do with your accent. It just sounds like she is a snot. You're a good person for biting your tongue because I'm pretty sure I would've cut back with a "You're getting screwed, but if you don't want to hear it that's your problem."


----------



## Pokerface (Dec 22, 2014)

Leper, your post reminds me of when I was asked for a light by a young Irish guy in Cork. "sure" I said, "just a sec" I said, whilst trying to retreive my lighter from my pocket. "ahh fek it" he said, "I don´t want a light from an English man!" he said before turning and walking away muttering something about the English under his breath.
Now if this guy was anything like the guys I met from Donegal a few weeks later, I´m sure we´d have been best of mates by the time he finished smoking his cigarette!
You say this English woman was well spoken! Well that shouldn´t distract from the fact she clearly has a rod firmly stuck up her ass! Too many people in the world to care about such types. Don´t let them get to you!!! They are a minority!!!


----------



## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

Alcalaina;6195746
Personally my ears prick up when I hear an Irish accent. I associate it with having a lot of fun and good conversation. Sláinte![/QUOTE said:


> I associate it with my Gran (my father's mother) with whom I spent a lot of time when I was young.
> The words I heard very often were 'Holy Mary Mother of God!', 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the blessed saints' and similar expressions...in a Cork accent.
> 
> Oddly, I say some of those things myself when I'm annoyed and don't want to use Anglo-Saxon. After all those years...


----------



## Alcalaina (Aug 6, 2010)

mrypg9 said:


> I associate it with my Gran (my father's mother) with whom I spent a lot of time when I was young.
> The words I heard very often were 'Holy Mary Mother of God!', 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph and all the blessed saints' and similar expressions...in a Cork accent.
> 
> Oddly, I say some of those things myself when I'm annoyed and don't want to use Anglo-Saxon. After all those years...


I worked in an Irish pub in Oxford when I was a student. This was before the arrival of all those Plastic Paddy theme-pubs. The clientele ranged from priests and professors to JCB operators and bricklayers. There was never a dull moment.


----------



## Relyat (Sep 29, 2013)

Catch yerself on Leper.

I don't know where you are, but I wish you were around my way.


----------



## owdoggy (Jul 23, 2008)

Leper said:


> Last summer at Garrucha market I noticed a well spoken elderly lady next to me buying bedclothes from a stall dealer. She wanted king size sheets, duvet etc. The Vendor was selling her double size bed stuff.
> 
> I knew the English lady was being given what she did not want, but she spoke no Spanish and the saleslady spoke no English. My Spanish is good, therefore, I interrupted and attempted to inform the English lady of what she was purchasing. My Irish accent is as broad as a runway in Heathrow and I am proud of my Irishness. The lady informed me that she did not ask for my assistance (true!) and did not need any of my advice.
> 
> ...


I shouldn't worry about it Leper There's nice people & nobheads in this world and where they're from matters not a jot.

Personally, I love hearing different languages & accents. I once made the mistake of inferring that a guy I was talking to was a Brummie then got a 20 minute explanation about the difference between Brummies, Yam Yams and............ ******, I can't remember the other one but I'm sure someone from that area will put me right.

It's the same when you southern lot call everyone from the north east geordies, then you will get a 20 minute explanation from this geordie (nice to see a few of us on here by the way) about Geordies, Maccams & Smoggies

Because there are a fair few Romanians around here (not far from you Leper as it happens ) I've even learnt a bit of Romanian:becky:

Diversity is a wonderful thing........ it's just a shame that some humans you meet whilst enjoying it seem to be complete numptys.



Doggy


----------



## Leper (May 12, 2010)

Thank you all for your helpful and positive comments. Unfortunately, in Ireland I have seen things go the other way also. Sometimes, when some of our UK friends visit us in Ireland we visit the local pub (where else would you go?) and whenever any anti-Brit comment is passed I immediately speak to the "perp" in Irish. Usually, the "perp" cannot speak Irish or at best he has extremely little Irish which brings some red faces. 

Things have changed in Ireland (but, we have some way to go too . . .) and now it is not unusual to see visitors from England proudly wearing their England shirts openly; something that was a rarity for many years. And let's face it, English people have the right to be nationalists also (something some of us Irish tend to forget).

I suppose we all have our fools who for some reason or another cannot let go of any anti-everybody sentiment.


----------



## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

Leper said:


> Thank you all for your helpful and positive comments. Unfortunately, in Ireland I have seen things go the other way also. Sometimes, when some of our UK friends visit us in Ireland we visit the local pub (where else would you go?) and whenever any anti-Brit comment is passed I immediately speak to the "perp" in Irish. Usually, the "perp" cannot speak Irish or at best he has extremely little Irish which brings some red faces.
> 
> Things have changed in Ireland (but, we have some way to go too . . .) and now it is not unusual to see visitors from England proudly wearing their England shirts openly; something that was a rarity for many years. And let's face it, English people have the right to be nationalists also (something some of us Irish tend to forget).
> 
> I suppose we all have our fools who for some reason or another cannot let go of any anti-everybody sentiment.


Yes, English people have the right to be nationalist too....I'm glad you said that because sometimes there is a feeling it's something to be ashamed of.
At the Paris March you could see thousands of French national flags proudly carried. In the UK,it's assumed that anyone who displays an English flag is a racist, chav or both.


----------



## Isobella (Oct 16, 2014)

I haven't met many rude people anywhere. Just one I remember. Stood behind a woman at the bank. She was asking the Cashier about a device for sale which prevents scammers picking up details from the credit cards even when in your handbag. The woman at the bank looked baffled, she was very young. I just happened to have read about these devices being useless and it was all a scam....I butted in and told her. She said how dare you listen to a private conversation etc


----------



## Pokerface (Dec 22, 2014)

Leper said:


> Thank you all for your helpful and positive comments. Unfortunately, in Ireland I have seen things go the other way also. Sometimes, when some of our UK friends visit us in Ireland we visit the local pub (where else would you go?) and whenever any anti-Brit comment is passed I immediately speak to the "perp" in Irish. Usually, the "perp" cannot speak Irish or at best he has extremely little Irish which brings some red faces.
> 
> Things have changed in Ireland (but, we have some way to go too . . .) and now it is not unusual to see visitors from England proudly wearing their England shirts openly; something that was a rarity for many years. And let's face it, English people have the right to be nationalists also (something some of us Irish tend to forget).
> 
> I suppose we all have our fools who for some reason or another cannot let go of any anti-everybody sentiment.


Your post put a smile on my face. 
I remember being on a night out in Galway with some Irish lads and one of them said to me, "you see, we don´t really have a problem with the English, it´s just not cool to say so!"
During one of the world cup tournaments I remember Ireland being in a particulary tough group. If I remember righty, you (ye) had both France and Argentina who were both odds on to qualify. With a bit of the luck of the Irish, and a lot of huffing and puffing, and having played your hearts out, you looked set to go through to the knock out stages. 
FIFA being what they are, were clearly unhappy about it so with a small change in the rules mid tournament, Ireland found themselves amongst some replays. 
Ireland were doing well until Thierry Henry passed the ball to a team mate with his hand, resulting in a knock out blow for Ireland. The goal stood and Ireland was raging!
Soon after whilst sitting in a bar with some Irish lads I asked the question: "If France meets England, who will you be singing for?" (small pause) "ah fek it, France!"
We all had a laugh about it because you know, it´s just not cool....
I love friendly banter like that but it´s a real shame when people stop laughing and turn from enjoying each other to hurting each other.
When all said and done, the bottom line is that we´re all human, we all love to be loved, and we all hate to be hurt. Why we seem to make it so complicated, often on the back of what our great grandad was ordered to do, just makes nooooo sense!


----------



## ccm47 (Oct 15, 2013)

As a "well-spoken" woman who was definitely NOT in Garrucha market......

Firstly that woman was clearly not intelligent enough to have done her basic homework of creating a shopping list to take with her, of Spanish names of items to be bought plus dimensions to be used as a basis for discussion with the stall holder. She deserved what she got imo and please OP don't be put off attempting to do good deeds in the future.

Secondly there are some UK voices that I genuinely do not understand first time I hear them speak. Glaswegian can be one, Geordie between other Geordies and some Irish too. I would persist in trying to understand a Spaniard say speaking English with a strong accent by getting them to repeat several times what they were trying to tell me and perhaps resort to gesticulations too but that's not a solution with somebody whose native language is also English. I had 3 years of listening to one chap at least once a week, and I never did understand him first time round, nor did a number of my colleagues who were with me, yes it's regrettable but it genuinely occurs. These days having realised I had met somebody with such a voice I'd politely end the conversation asap and, perhaps sadly, try not to repeat the experience. I guess I'd rather be thought of as aloof, as opposed to making the other person feel awkward


----------



## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

mrypg9 said:


> Yes, English people have the right to be nationalist too....I'm glad you said that because sometimes there is a feeling it's something to be ashamed of.
> At the Paris March you could see thousands of French national flags proudly carried. In the UK,it's assumed that anyone who displays an English flag is a racist, chav or both.


In Britain, there are certain rules about who can display the Union Jack and how, and when which make it difficult to show patriotism, however one can use the England flag (St George's Cross) but that then creates problems with our co-members of the Union who get all uppity.


----------



## kimuyen (Aug 8, 2013)

For me, who has received help and given help, it comes down to the other person's choice to accept or refuse help. I like to ask if someone needs help first before I offer help. 

I am of Vietnamese descent and speak Vietnamese. When I was in Vietnam and at a jewelry shop, there was an English-speaking customer who obviously had language barrier in communicating with the shop person. I spoke to him in English and told him that I speak Vietnamese and asked if he needed help. He did. Both the shop owner and he were grateful. 

I think sometimes people are taken by surprise that someone who looks like them can actually speak the local language that they don't (in the case of the OP) or someone who does not look like them but can speak their language (in my case and the white customer above). 

And sometimes, people are suspicious of strangers even those with good intention. They feel invaded for being spoken to regarding their private conversation or transaction. 

P.S.: My husband is 25% Irish and I think they are a bunch of nice people. We were in Ireland years ago and were at a rural crossroad and were totally lost. An Irishman stopped his car and came up to our car to ask if we needed help. As he was showing us on the map where we were and where we needed to go, his car started rolling down the hill. He had literally a couple of minutes to save it. We were so grateful that he stopped and offered help.


----------



## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

kimuyen said:


> For me, who has received help and given help, it comes down to the other person's choice to accept or refuse help. I like to ask if someone needs help first before I offer help.
> 
> I am of Vietnamese descent and speak Vietnamese. When I was in Vietnam and at a jewelry shop, there was an English-speaking customer who obviously had language barrier in communicating with the shop person. I spoke to him in English and told him that I speak Vietnamese and asked if he needed help. He did. Both the shop owner and he were grateful.
> 
> ...


This for me is the wisest answer so far.
Until now no one seems to have considered the other party's point of view. Not all offers of help come at the right time, with the right tone of voice or with the right attitude.
On a related theme
I have often seen people struggling in Madrid in restaurants, but I rarely ask them if they want help. I remember for me that confusion and working out how to do simple things was all part of the fun.
I would have tried to help the woman in the market, but perhaps we should all ask first whether help is wanted.


----------



## Flora Post (Jan 22, 2015)

thrax said:


> Just before Christmas I took delivery of a turkey and the English lady in front asked the guy selling them if they would keep until Christmas day or should she freeze it. I told her one option was to brine it (soak it in slat water for 2 days) which would ensure it remained fresh until required. She told me to shut up as she hadn't asked for my advice. When she left, the guy selling them, a butcher (and a very good one), said that he thought my advice was great and that he would pass it on to other customers. As for his previous customer - he used a centrally located finger pointing in a generally upward fashion...
> 
> Some people simply don't want advice however well offered, so probably nothing to worry about Leper.


I dont think it would be your irish accent, more likely irish friendliness i am of irish descent but from london and have been frozen out in similar vein to the extent that now i just bite my tongue and let them go in the wrong direction as happened last time i offered to help a Man sweating profusely and desperately scrutinising his map in the maze of jerez back streets last summer and got ver y short shrift. I think it is nice that you are friendly and helpful but some people are very uptight and also just like to do their own thing. They probably want to be immersed in authentic local culture without intrusion!


----------



## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

Leper said:


> Last summer at Garrucha market I noticed a well spoken elderly lady next to me buying bedclothes from a stall dealer. She wanted king size sheets, duvet etc. The Vendor was selling her double size bed stuff.
> 
> I knew the English lady was being given what she did not want, but she spoke no Spanish and the saleslady spoke no English. My Spanish is good, therefore, I interrupted and attempted to inform the English lady of what she was purchasing. My Irish accent is as broad as a runway in Heathrow and I am proud of my Irishness. The lady informed me that she did not ask for my assistance (true!) and did not need any of my advice.
> 
> ...


I have no fences on my property for you to take! 

You and I have been around on the forums long enough to know that we both try to be helpful but will nevertheless speak as we find and will, even so, say what we mean without pussy-footing around.

I, too help people when I can just as I would hope that others would help me when I needed help. For the most part the recipients of the help/advice are grateful that somebody cares enough to offer help whether it is sought or not.

However, there is a small minority who, either through ignorance or misunderstanding suspect that behind the help that is being offered, there might be an ulterior motive. I'm sure we have all seen clips from those TV programmes where a "reformed" con-artist/pick-pocket shows you how easy it is while in just a short conversation, for you to lose valuables (wallets, rolex watches, etc) and some people become very worried that they are going to fall victim and see unsavoury people all around them. With regard to the person wit whom you had an unpleasant experience, I would just forget it - she was ignorant, rude and generally bad mannered and going to be the loser.


----------



## Drrummer (Nov 22, 2016)

Leper ... which part of Ireland are you from ? 

Sent from my D6603 using Tapatalk


----------



## Maureen47 (Mar 27, 2014)

I guess its just a minority that react like this , I also like to help when I can and I am grateful of people offering help too. I remember on holiday in France when my kids were little , we were in a war museum which my son loved as the wooden catapults were bigger than him , anyway there was an English family and the lovely elderly French chap who looked after the musuem was asking them in French if they would post the postcard he was giving them when they got home and explaining all the cards pinned on the board behind him had been sent from all over the world. They kept saying they didnt want to buy a postcard in English , so I helped by translating for them and they were more than happy to have the help and also send the card. It was the look on my kids faces as I change from one language to the other , I was a proud mummy that day ;-)


----------



## Dunpleecin (Dec 20, 2012)

I don't think it's anything to do with nationalities. I think the lady was just too proud to accept your help and too stubborn to know what was best for her. 

A few weeks ago I was in a cafe and an elderly lady was on the phone on an adjacent table. The conversation sounded very much like she was giving lots of financial details including PIN numbers which I know banks never ask for. It sounded like she was being scammed but I thought I'm not going to interfere because I've learned that people don't always appreciate it. In fact it often backfires monumentally so people can take responsibility for their own mistakes.


----------

