# my daughter and school!



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

I'm not sure if any of you guys can help with our problem, but I'm open to any ideas or suggestions??????

When we moved here a year ago, my daughter went to the local international school with her brother, she liked it initially, but after a while she found that her class mates were all a bit... well lets just say they were typical 11yo girls and my daughter is also typical and everyday there seemed to be a new quarrel - a new best friend/enemy etc. Anyway, she decided she wanted to leave and try a state school - I was ok with that, it would save us money and I loved the idea of her broadening her language skills, friendships and intergrating into the Spanish community.

So After the summer holidays she started at the local school - she hated it!! Well, I've insisted she should give it a proper go, hoping that she would settle. We have extra Spanish lessons twice a week and the school does extra lessons too. Anyway, she still hates it, her school report was appalling, her teacher said that everyone made the effort to be friendly with her when she started, but she didnt respond and now the kids just ignore her. Her private Spanish teacher feels she's given up the will to learn and wont - "closed down" were her words! 

She's due to go back tomorrow and is adamant that she wont!!! she's sobbing, kicking, screaming....!! I do not know what to do for the best. At the moment we cant afford for her to go back to the international school. So she WILL be going to the state school tomorrow. But all this is obviously affecting her education, she used to be a bright "top marks" pupil in the UK and now is disinterested in everything accept computer games, TV and eating!


What can I do to make her life better??? - my OH feels that this is yet another reason for us to go back to the UK??

Jo


----------



## XTreme (May 17, 2008)

Tricky one Jo.....lots of kids go through this, irrespective of where they are. And there's no guarantee the same scenario wouldn't happen if she was in Britain. And the way things are there these days I'd be pretty worried about sending my child to school.
Could it be down to the fact that she'd prefer to be in the UK so is playing the "I hate school" card to try and get you to go back?


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

XTreme said:


> Could it be down to the fact that she'd prefer to be in the UK so is playing the "I hate school" card to try and get you to go back?



Several people have said that to me. If she is doing that I dont think its an intentional act (or am I seeing her through rose-tinted specs???). she does miss her UK friends and going back at christmas, she spent alot of time with them and made it clear she didnt want to come back to Spain.

But I do want her to be happy and I do want her to get an education - she's getting niether at the moment and if it carries on, I worry for her future, but I wont be "black-mailed"!! I am quite tough on my kids.... on the surface!!?

Its possible we may move to another area (locally) and have to change schools anyway, it WILL be another state school, so maybe that'll bring some new problems??????????

KIDS!!!!


Jo


----------



## Stravinsky (Aug 12, 2007)

Oh dear Jo, thats a shame

Theres probably no doubt that in the long run the state school is going to benefit her more, but its a painful time I guess ..... not everyone likes change.

Are there any out of school activities going on that could involve you as well? I mean, if you were to go along with your daughter maybe you could help break the ice.

If your daughter cant speak Spanish well, maybe thats causing a bit of a "rift" between them, in that they cant communicate together properly, and in that case the extra Spanish lessons are a good idea


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

Stravinsky said:


> Oh dear Jo, thats a shame
> 
> Theres probably no doubt that in the long run the state school is going to benefit her more, but its a painful time I guess ..... not everyone likes change.
> 
> ...



She goes to pony club once a week and there's an english girl who actually lives around the corner from us who also goes. But something has happened to Ruby (my baby), she used to be outgoing and friendly, but is now shy and self-conscious and although she loves horse riding, she just keeps her head down and appears unfriendly........

You know its quite therapeutic and useful writing all this down, I'm starting to gain a bit of an understanding about the situation. As I'm writing, I'm finding myself answers.... if that makes sense LOL

Thanx

Jo


----------



## Stravinsky (Aug 12, 2007)

jojo said:


> But something has happened to Ruby (my baby), she used to be outgoing and friendly, but is now shy and self-conscious and although she loves horse riding, she just keeps her head down and appears unfriendly........


Hmmmmm ..... I hate to say this Jo, but that describes what my daughter was like in her teens. Perhaps the addition of the language difficulties has bought forward her "terrible teen" years!


----------



## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

My eldest daughter, followed quickly by her younger sister, went through exactly the same situation. Once bubbly and extrovert then suddenly sullen and introverted. Since then my eldest has continued to be difficult whilst the youngest has blossomed. There is no simple solution to the problem, you just have to be there and share.

Remember, a child isn't just for Christmas, it's for life and then some!! I am sure everything will sort itself out eventually, but you will have to be incredibly patient. Nevertheless, there may well be an underlying issue which might be difficult to prise out of her since any attempt to be a caring parent normally results in an unwanted reaction from the child. Always worth keeping in mind that she may be going through some difficulty which she feels she cannot discuss with her parents, and if she has recently lost a 'best' friend she may also have lost the only person she felt she could confide in. I realise that none of this will help at all, but at least you know, as I'm sure you already did, that you are not alone!!


----------



## SunnySpain (Jul 30, 2008)

Sorry to have to say this Jo,


But it seems to me that if your daughter does not learn a good level of Spanish, then she will become somewhat isolated from her peers and that would not be a good thing to happen. I think its all about the language and her friends back home.

There be difficult decisions ahead. Good luck


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

SunnySpain said:


> But it seems to me that if your daughter does not learn a good level of Spanish, then she will become somewhat isolated from her peers and that would not be a good thing to happen. I think its all about the language and her friends back home.
> 
> There be difficult decisions ahead. Good luck


You've hit the nail on the head!!....... She says she gets embarrassed when she tries to speak Spanish incase she gets it wrong, so she wont speak! She even gets annoyed with me cos I'm always trying and always getting it wrong - I think ordering an ice cream in a "cone" was my worst so far! And Ruby stormed of in a major huff - I thought it was funny!!?!

Jo


----------



## SteveHall (Oct 17, 2008)

We've ALL made mistakes and if you do NOT make mistakes you will NEVER EVER learn anything .....Spanish or open-heart surgery.

I remember one of the phrases I used when I taught Spanish a few years ago. 
"The reason I speak better Spanish than you is that I have made more mistakes than you." 
It is as simple as that. Practicar, practicar, practicar. Repitir, repitir, repitir.

As for your "cone" I've done that too! I was talking to a Chilean friend about S.America and I wished the world had opened up when I said the "coño sur". She pretended not to notice it, I went bright red and just wanted the ground to swallow me up but, hey, life goes on! 

I wish you every success with your daughter. Remember grandchildren are the reward for loving parenthood ......even if it does not seem that at the time.


----------



## chris(madrid) (Mar 23, 2008)

SteveHall said:


> We've ALL made mistakes and if you do NOT make mistakes you will NEVER EVER learn anything .....Spanish or open-heart surgery.


Absolutely. I still make them - and could not care less (though I might have to if I take up Heart Surgery). 

The problem is that many people mistake LANGUAGE with COMMUNICATION. One of these is universal - the other is a means to an end. Sadly LANGUAGE teachers often don't understand.

Ah the cone word - followed closely by the lady chicken word "poll*"  Not to mention the 4WD "Pajero" or w*nker in Spanish. Here they were called Montero - I wonder why?


----------



## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

I recall one of my first trips to Spain (I was 19 and the world was still in sepia) resulted in a rather lengthy visit to the hotel bar. Left to my own devices I decided to practice my very limited Spanish and order the bill without using the universal sign language of miming the act of scribbling something with an invisible pen on an invisible notepad. I summoned up my courage, wrestled with the correct pronunciation, beckoned the bar-tender, and in a voice booming with authority I said, "Cointreau, por favor!" I got a cointreau. a large one. I drank it and tried again and got another cointreau. Five cointreaus later I began the universal mime and woke up the next morning with a universal hangover. I'm a bit better than that these days.......


----------



## SteveHall (Oct 17, 2008)

chris(madrid) said:


> .
> 
> Ah the cone word - followed closely by the lady chicken word "poll*"  Not to mention the 4WD "Pajero" or w*nker in Spanish. Here they were called Montero - I wonder why?


**Or the Opel Nova. "No, el coche no va" Heaven help any Spaniard called Juan Carlos if he has English friends! 


Thrax - absolute classic!!! 

When I was in my early days of learning Spanish and the "world was sepia" (great expression) I almost wet myself at a bar in Tenerife when I checked the menu (Universal sign language of opening a book!) and saw on the "English" menu - "Pizza Four Railway Staions" In those halcyon days when the world was flat, (I was going to change it anyway) where alcohol went down my neck and not on cuts and when girls were called darling to avoid embarassment the next day, I did not realise that the Spanish word for BOTH a season of the year and a railway station was "estación"

Hence Pizza 4 Railway Stations = 4 Seasons. I have told this story to hundreds of pupils over the years in the hope that they may remember the word for season, station .....or more likely four! 

Here is a question? In Spanish, three of the seasons of the year are masculine but one is feminine? Why? 

The first person who supplies "My" correct answer will receive a copy of Nick Snelling's excellent Taking The Heat 

I think my "money is safe"


----------



## chris(madrid) (Mar 23, 2008)

SteveHall said:


> I did not realise that the Spanish word for BOTH a season of the year and a railway station was "estación"


How about Langosta Steve?

I saw an Anglicised menu on the promenade in Javea not that long ago offering a Locust Paella. The Spanish owner mentioned that the English did not seem to order many - sadly (I'm evil at heart) my wife explained why to him - Langosta also means Lobster. I had rather hoped to order locusts - to be served Lobster (which I'm allergic to).


----------



## XTreme (May 17, 2008)

I went into MotoDandy in Murcia three years ago and asked "Have my bollocks come yet?"


----------



## SteveHall (Oct 17, 2008)

Which you would need for your sub-30s señoritas I guess!!


----------

