# Want your advice ExpatForum on my fiance going abroad



## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Well Anne she is so motivated want go abroad even though I have done all I can for her to stay it seems that is not enough. She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us. Sadly she does not want to wait and wants to go asap. She is a certified nurse so issue I see only place she will qualify right now is middle east and dubai saudi is her best chances for first timers. She wants me go with her but I cannot afford prices there so expensive, So question is could you handle that stress for 2 years or would you let her follow her ambition and move on since your on different paths?


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

See my concerns Racconnor and Gene and you all ?


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

Possibly the pay is better in the Middle East I have heard to the contrary for domestic maids but you mentioned she's a Nurse, unsure what she gets but does she want to leave to get experience... and then eventually get hired with those skills back in the Philippines? The requirements are probably very difficult here and require a couple of years experience (to many nurses), she could be a real help for her family and your paycheck if she attains experience and can eventually work in the Philippines, call center work is very stressful and you sit all day long, I did for 6 years what a nightmare. 

I feel you are very lucky that you have a spouse that has such strong will for work because the family won't go away and eventually have to be dealt with, usually it's in the form of some sort of help, I only help family members that can go somewhere have motivation such as schooling or some sort of skill, I helped a member that has art skills over the years and eventually bought him a tattoo kit, he now is able to make money for his wife and kids as a Tattoo artist, he was just a kid when I started buying him color markers, paints and pencils, I helped a girl through college she now works abroad and married a Canadian man the family don't go away no matter where you move to.


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

jdavis10 said:


> Well Anne she is so motivated want go abroad even though I have done all I can for her to stay it seems that is not enough. She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us. Sadly she does not want to wait and wants to go asap. She is a certified nurse so issue I see only place she will qualify right now is middle east and dubai saudi is her best chances for first timers. She wants me go with her but I cannot afford prices there so expensive, So question is could you handle that stress for 2 years or would you let her follow her ambition and move on since your on different paths?


Not knowing your financial situation or personal goals, for me I do not think that I could handle that. If I was going to be in a relationship, I would want to be with them as much as possible. Some questions;

Do you make enough to support her?
Do you provide an allowance to her that she can use some of for her family?
Is going abroad to work in the same country with her an option?

If she is so bent on going with or without you, to me that rings an alarm. It tells me that the family is more important to her than you.


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## MikeynJenz (Oct 8, 2012)

Hi James,

I emailed you some work the other day but you havnt replied.

Anyway, it is fresh air that she has the ambition and drive to go out and earn her own money, that is quite rare for a filipino (especially one with a foreign boyfriend). 

My girlfriend has also in the past said that she would like the opportunity to work abroad, with me in fact stopping her before i came here. She had the opportunity to work in Canada for Loreal here, but i said "hey im just about to move my life to your country and you are now going to leave while i am there".

Her family were a bit disappointed in her that she didnt go, but i support her with more money than she would have had whilst there and i have given her some small businesses to keep her busy too.

I will echo what Mcalley says about it sounding a few alarms that she is happy to leave you in the philippines alone to do this, you are a foreigner so a big catch for women here, so the fact that she is not worried by this worries me. 

I know my relationship would not last through this for two reasons, one obviously we wouldnt see eachother and two she would be accusing me left, right and centre of having another woman.


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## seram (Oct 12, 2011)

Look.. It is so obvious to me.. The other posters here cant see it.

Your girl needs to go overseas to work to support her family. You are concerned about that..

Bloody hell mate.. Support your girlfriend enough so she can give some peso to her family then she wont go abroad. 

When you are in a relationship with a Pinay you are also in a relationship with her family whether u like it or not.

You are either not supporting her enough or she dont love you.. 

You work it out...cheers


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## seram (Oct 12, 2011)

Jon1, Sorry mate.. You also have similar thoughts to me...cheers


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## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

She is a qualified nurse,that means the rest of the family have supported her with her studies with the long term goal of going abroad,its how life works in Pinas,95% of the population want to "Go abroad" its the reason fly-posters everywhere advertise Jobs abroad,study abroad etc,the country and lots of families survive on remittances,she HAS to go abroad,its her utang na loob payback.


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## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

> She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us


Read the sentence mate,you talk about taking care of HER and starting a small biz for the two of you,she has a different agenda,she needs,yup thats the word NEEDS to help her family,her study fees were the family nest-egg,their investment for her long-term payback(monthly remittances are money in the bank).If she stays in Pinas with you and the family dont get that cash winging its way back ever month their investment was wasted,its a heavy burden on some ladies shoulders,the weight of an entire families needs.


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

*Hi*

DannyA,

You got the wrong idea. Anne and I have the money we can send her parents each month. Issue I find is that she is frustrated with Manila Traffic, Stress, constant 3-4 trips from Quezon, Makati, and cities where she is traveling far coming home stressed. I try to explain to her it gets even more stressful in middle east I got quite few friends over there and many work to much. Anne is waiting until I get back to apply abroad and wants me to apply for work to which even IF i did im sure we wouldnt be near eachother which concerns me in middle east.


Rest of You: I always provide for my angel needs. Surely we will take care of them and my parents each month but there are lot of challenges. I dont want Anne to have any regrets. Issue I see is if i can wait 2-4 years which personally i dont see because I think experience in middle east will have impact rather good or bad and I want to be able to find woman i think I can have stand by me. Anne and I are ok right now I am just trying to let her know i want her to stay




DannyA said:


> Read the sentence mate,you talk about taking care of HER and starting a small biz for the two of you,she has a different agenda,she needs,yup thats the word NEEDS to help her family,her study fees were the family nest-egg,their investment for her long-term payback(monthly remittances are money in the bank).If she stays in Pinas with you and the family dont get that cash winging its way back ever month their investment was wasted,its a heavy burden on some ladies shoulders,the weight of an entire families needs.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

jdavis10 said:


> DannyA,
> 
> You got the wrong idea. Anne and I have the money we can send her parents each month. Issue I find is that she is frustrated with Manila Traffic, Stress, constant 3-4 trips from Quezon, Makati, and cities where she is traveling far coming home stressed. I try to explain to her it gets even more stressful in middle east I got quite few friends over there and many work to much. Anne is waiting until I get back to apply abroad and wants me to apply for work to which even IF i did im sure we wouldnt be near eachother which concerns me in middle east.
> 
> ...


Marriage, especially a new marriage provides much challenge for both people involved. Add on top of that time and distance apart, it will reduce the chances of a successful marriage to close to zero. From your posts here, my observation is that she wants to do what is most convenient and financially best (as she sees it) for her family and herself rather than putting your marriage or the prospect of marriage first in her life. For me, that would be a deal breaker without any doubt. Anyone that puts their marriage in second place will find it there always. The marriage, home, and plans between the couple must and need to come first. If it does not automatically happen now before the marriage, it will surly not afterwards. Bottom line is that it is better to know all this now and then search for the right one...


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## DannyA (Jun 9, 2013)

> DannyA,
> 
> You got the wrong idea.


Only from the limited info you gave originally mate.

There used to be a song popular in the PI during the 1990's,the lyrics were
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You’ve gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I’ll know she’s mine
If she is adamant on going,you dont want her to have any regrets and you trust and love each other 100% then dont hold her back,give her the go ahead,see what the outcome is.


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## Phil_expat (Jan 3, 2011)

jdavis10 said:


> Well Anne she is so motivated want go abroad even though I have done all I can for her to stay it seems that is not enough. She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us. Sadly she does not want to wait and wants to go asap. She is a certified nurse so issue I see only place she will qualify right now is middle east and dubai saudi is her best chances for first timers. She wants me go with her but I cannot afford prices there so expensive, So question is could you handle that stress for 2 years or would you let her follow her ambition and move on since your on different paths?


I am not surprised at what she wants. Filipinos in the Philippines think different than those in the USA. They are heavily into family and are impatient financially. Life can be hard in the Philippines and waiting to help her family is a hard pill for her. If you are in the USA why not try to help her find a job in the USA? 
https://www.facebook.com/fina.usa
Filipino nurse hailed as role model in Obama?s State of the Union address | Inquirer Global Nation 
Is there really a job waiting for us Filipino nurses in the US? - Nursing in the Philippines


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## humanaso (Jul 28, 2012)

jdavis10 said:


> DannyA,
> 
> You got the wrong idea. Anne and I have the money we can send her parents each month. Issue I find is that she is frustrated with Manila Traffic, Stress, constant 3-4 trips from Quezon, Makati, and cities where she is traveling far coming home stressed. I try to explain to her it gets even more stressful in middle east I got quite few friends over there and many work to much. Anne is waiting until I get back to apply abroad and wants me to apply for work to which even IF i did im sure we wouldnt be near eachother which concerns me in middle east.
> 
> ...





MikeynJenz said:


> Hi James,
> 
> I emailed you some work the other day but you havnt replied.
> 
> ...


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## sailor 1986 (Jun 18, 2013)

The fact that she went to college and earn a degree, of course she would like to have a career, but finding a job as a nurse in PI is quite difficult. But then again, I'm in NYC and let me tell you this...the only job she will get here is through nursing home taking care of elderly and other domestic jobs. Nursing job in the US in general is becoming a challenge...besides she needs to get the necessary license to be able to work as a nurse...else you end up in nursing homes taking care of elderly...
I had lived in Bahrain and Dubai in late 90's and early 2000...salary for nurses is not that great, better than PI but the quality of life SUCKS...Also, be advised that they can find nurses other than PI (like India) and they will take less money than Filipina...My opinion...If you wife is young, your marriage will not survive for obvious reasons, it is just a matter of time...I believed that she wants a career...Best wishes mate...


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## rj.uk (Aug 30, 2008)

Met my Brit husband in the 'pines' years ago. Had the opportunity to work aborad for CX and took it as my father said when we became engaged that the experience would determine if he was the 'one'. We are going to be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year. let her do her thing and if she is the right one for you ..... Good luck


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

Danny, do you have enough income from the USA to bring Anne to America? It is expensive to do so but if you are earning a minimum of $25,000US a year, you might qualify to do it. The problem that you face in the US is that there is no job security there and people are losing their jobs right and left. True, it is hard to get good work here in the Philippines and it may be that Anne will have to go to the Middle East, Dubai, Saudi Arabia, for 2 years, to work to help her family. I know exactly how you feel, my wife even said she wanted to go overseas [Middle East] to work as a Caregiver, but I won't have it. I earn enough to take care of the two of us plus her parents and one of our nieces who lives with them. I know, also, that it is far cheaper to live in the Philippines than in the US. If you earn $1,000US to $1,500US a month, this is enough to take care of you and Anne. Just take things one day and one step at a time.


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

1.) Yes that is why if she went abroad it would not work

2.) I question that also, but then again her brother and sister are both high paid positions as engineers in philippines earning 40-60K a month so she has lot of pressure on her BUT i advertise and get her private nurse jobs each month where she usually does ok this month she got i believe 15-20 k for nurse isnt bad.


3.) I am in U.S. visit my family and she already has accuse me few times of if i was seeing someone else, and i have to keep reminding her iloveher and we are ok now it is just she expects a car, and frankly i cant afford one


4.) Why in hell would I buy a car when i know how the government is here? If you get in wreck to the filipino drivers who cant drive regardless its YOUR fault




humanaso said:


> MikeynJenz said:
> 
> 
> > Hi James,
> ...


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Jim,

Just the advice I was searching for. You are right it is almost impossible for me to sponsor her to U.S. which btw is sinking day by day to a 2nd world country. Nursing jobs will be hard to find in any states from research I found they are cutting back on foreign nurses to fill position for local nurses in college to employment by the national nurse board site posted just a year ago.


Anne also wants to go abroad but I also wont have it. I told her we will make it here in PI. Every month I post and get her patients needing private nursing she earns about P900 per day so its not like she is struggling she gets least 6 calls per month from potential sick patients so she earns pretty decent to cover her needs as a nurse to do what she loves but keeps us in Philippines.







rj.uk said:


> Met my Brit husband in the 'pines' years ago. Had the opportunity to work aborad for CX and took it as my father said when we became engaged that the experience would determine if he was the 'one'. We are going to be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year. let her do her thing and if she is the right one for you ..... Good luck


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

"you are a foreigner so a big catch for women here, so the fact that she is not worried by this worries me."

Mcalleyboy is very wise but I don't believe that's a foregone conclusion....I know many Filipinas that wouldn't think of a relationship with a foreigner...

She say she wants to go abroad for income to help her family but in reality that could be cover for wanting to simply go on an adventure abroad like many of us have done. I have a niece in this situation now and she's going for it.


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

CVGTPC,

You might be onto something there... Well YES anne wants to go abroad for an "adventure" and to travel and experience world outside of philippines, but like I said before and as I am now I cannot see myself in the middle east the culture is more of shock than philippines and way people are treated them countries are just foul and only upside is money.


YES some filipina prefer filipino but after what 95% of what the men do to them they seek a foreign man who they can depend on, love, and will accept their family. I have done this for anne family and I want us to be near to them. It is very close family.


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## MikeynJenz (Oct 8, 2012)

If she wants to experience travel, take her on small holidays to other close countries. I brought mine to Kuala Lumpur a couple of weeks ago for five days and we had a blast. She loved it as it was the first time she has ever been abroad.

We plan on Hong Kong next after Christmas, then possibly Thailand, Cambodia etc etc. All a short distance away and does not have to cost too much. She gets to travel a bit and see other places and you get to keep her from going to another country to work.


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Actually that is the plan Mikey. Plan to take her some places soon I can like Hong Kong, Like Kuala Lampur, Like some key places she hasnt been. She would love that so much. I done promised her that. Right now though she works full time shift as a nurse. So we got to make a schedule for that.




MikeynJenz said:


> If she wants to experience travel, take her on small holidays to other close countries. I brought mine to Kuala Lumpur a couple of weeks ago for five days and we had a blast. She loved it as it was the first time she has ever been abroad.
> 
> We plan on Hong Kong next after Christmas, then possibly Thailand, Cambodia etc etc. All a short distance away and does not have to cost too much. She gets to travel a bit and see other places and you get to keep her from going to another country to work.


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## yakc130 (Apr 27, 2012)

Sorry to arrive late to the party, but this is something I can give you first hand experience with. I've been working here in KSA since April, 2011. I met my Filipina wife here.

The Pinoy population in Saudi is one of the biggest outside of the islands. She definitely would not be lonely. There is also the possibility that you could get work here also.

If you want, I can pm you, or answer here.


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