# Clingy Filipinas



## MR2

Hi guys;

How do you deal with the clingy, and jealous filipina girlfriend. It has progressed slowly over the past six months. Now she gets upset and crazy whenever I go anywhere without her.

I have talked with her many times it does no good.

Really don't want to break up over it, but I am not seeing too many options.


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## jojo

*A womans view*


Sounds like she doesnt trust you because you wanna go out without her??? Maybe she needs to move on??

Jo xxx


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## Asian Spirit

MR2 said:


> Hi guys;
> 
> How do you deal with the clingy, and jealous filipina girlfriend. It has progressed slowly over the past six months. Now she gets upset and crazy whenever I go anywhere without her.
> 
> I have talked with her many times it does no good.
> 
> Really don't want to break up over it, but I am not seeing too many options.


In many cases there is no way to deal with this. As you probably know already, many Pinoy guys (husbands) have a wife as well as a few girlfriends on the side. It's almost an accepted lifestyle for many local men.
At the same time it is quite likely your GF or her mother has had to put up with this kind of relationship and that's why the jealousy. 

In short, it will likely be up to you to just overlook her insecurities or move on. The best indicator of future behavior in people is relevant past behavior. Any change in her behavior will likely be temporary only.



Best Of Luck

Jet Lag


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## MR2

jojo; the main problem is I like to gym daily. I signed her up for a zumba class, but she doesn't like it too much. I like to spend hours in the gym, and I miss going by myself without worrying what she will be like when I return.

Jet; she told me that the father of her children cheated on her several times. She caught him once with her cousin. I have her cenomar, and NBI clearance as I was getting serious about her.

I tried spending every minute with her, and taking her everywhere I went. She was ok for a while, and then she started accusing me again. I tried to explain how that is not possible. 

I offered to get her some help, but she is not willing to see a doctor about it. 

Sadly you are right I have two options.


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## jojo

Its apparent that western women have a different mind set. I have to say that if my other half dared to even think he book me into zumba.......... well I'd book him into needlework classes lol 

Jo xxx


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## M.C.A.

*Marriage or ?*



MR2 said:


> Hi guys;
> 
> How do you deal with the clingy, and jealous filipina girlfriend. It has progressed slowly over the past six months. Now she gets upset and crazy whenever I go anywhere without her.
> 
> I have talked with her many times it does no good.
> 
> Really don't want to break up over it, but I am not seeing too many options.


Some what vague when you say "When ever I go anywhere without her" so without knowing where you are going it's hard to answer this question because next what's left is assuming.

I do drive around by myself but it took a while for the wife to become comfortable with this because if you are a combative or vocal person that can get you into all sorts of trouble, my wife had to remind me that many drivers carry guns, believe me they have very short tempers, drinking would be another dangerous concern the party will go from happy to deadly and late night running around is not a good idea. 

My brother-in-laws, most of them are huge playboys and it's sort of accepted as a way of life for many and not much is done to curb this behavior but big trouble for the foreigner, we can get deported and banned for playing around. I live in a Municipality that used to have two other expats in it but both were deported (they had farm business and kids) for fooling around with women and the maid, these two guys (German and a British citizen) had been here nearly a decade, it's a real sad situation now because their kids went from money to no money.

You are somewhat blessed that a lady has taken liking to you and worries about you (Jealousy) and of course, her main concern would be other women trying to pick you up, does she take care of you or are there other reasons why you would leave her because if you are not into marriage (they would all like to get married, girlfriend type relationship's won't work so well) the relationship will continue to sour. 

There are many immigrant benefits once you are married, without this the Visa and extension costs and hassles will add up.


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## 197649

you mentioned over the past 6 months. How long you been together? How long have you known her? did she exhibit this behavior in the past if so shame on you. If you've only known her a few months is she really the one? I dated my wife over 2 years before we married. The other thing is it may not be you at all. Some Filipinas try to and most of the time successfully steal men. I can't count on both hands how many married couples had a Filipina maid that ended up the wife. She wants to go with you everywhere then take her. Tell her look I am going to the gym for 3 hours you want to come? After a few visits she will tire of doing nothing. If she pesters you about staying so long just tell her. You come or not your choice but this is something I like to do.


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## Tukaram

When I first met my girlfriend (now wife) - no, actually online before we met - I told her I am too old for and BS games. If she was the jealous type she better tell me now so I can move on without wasting either of our time. She has never shown any jealousy.

I don't know if she hides it well, or is not jealous ha ha. There is no way I could deal with a jealous type. (now I just joke that she doesn't really like me ha ha)


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## jojo

> *Jojo, That Zumba thing is pretty cool. My wife loves it but I try to keep her from being active in the local group here. They all do this outside (in the shade) at a local school. Problem is that here it's hot and humid year round and makes it dangerous with that kind of heat and humidity..*
> [/COLOR]


you miss my point and indeed, as I said before it highlights the difference between Philippine ladies and western ladies. 

My point is that if I want to go to a zumba class, a pilates class, heck even a pole dancing class -* I *decide and book it. I may tell my husband that I've decided to do it ??! lol

I understand maybe its different for you, but IME, peoples jealousy isnt always their problem, sometimes its a reaction to cirmumstances

Jo xxx


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## Asian Spirit

jojo said:


> you miss my point and indeed, as I said before it highlights the difference between Philippine ladies and western ladies.
> 
> My point is that if I want to go to a zumba class, a pilates class, heck even a pole dancing class -* I *decide and book it. I may tell my husband that I've decided to do it ??! lol
> 
> I understand maybe its different for you, but IME, peoples jealousy isnt always their problem, sometimes its a reaction to cirmumstances
> 
> Jo xxx


True for sure Jojo,

The jealousy here is mostly a cultural thing although it can have serious consequences. Luckily I married a lady that is not the least bit jealous. Putting the local culture together in marriage with others can be a difficult thing for some and as the original poster indicated, it may be more than he wants to deal with.

With the zumba class, I would have no real problem with my wife doing it again except for the extreme heat and the danger that it brings. At the same time though, married couples in most cases at least visit with their spouse on activities prior to doing things. Not for permission as that is not needed Just a matter of common courtesy.


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## lefties43332

its up to you to set the stage. Love it or leave it.


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## fuji0001

My Pinay GF and I live in the USA and I am passing along my GF's comments. 

]The problem with these types of threads is they are one sided, and we all know there are two sides to every story, What are you doing to help her feel secure? What signals might you be sending to make her feel insecure? Ae you just looking for a way out and looking for a way to justify it? You are closest to the situation than anyone else of course. You say you talk to her? So do you listen to her as well? 

DIsclaimer-- my GF and I are older both about 60 and each with our own income, College educated. Far different circumstance than it seems many expats deal with in terms of age range and financial dependency. Are you truly lovers? GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU


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## esv1226

Have you wondered why she has changed? Have you treated her differently? Are you sure it's her and not you? Either way, it won't be easy.


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## Gary D

She's making a big investment in you. Perhaps a bit of understanding on your behalf is needed.


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## 197649

fuji0001 said:


> My Pinay GF and I live in the USA and I am passing along my GF's comments.
> 
> ]The problem with these types of threads is they are one sided, and we all know there are two sides to every story, What are you doing to help her feel secure? What signals might you be sending to make her feel insecure? Ae you just looking for a way out and looking for a way to justify it? You are closest to the situation than anyone else of course. You say you talk to her? So do you listen to her as well?
> 
> DIsclaimer-- my GF and I are older both about 60 and each with our own income, College educated. Far different circumstance than it seems many expats deal with in terms of age range and financial dependency. Are you truly lovers? GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU


Wow so you don't live here that makes a difference for sure. Your older you both have separate incomes also tells a different story. How long has your GF been weternized? This also make a difference. Living in the Philippines is totally different than living anywhere in the world. I've lived in Europe, the US the Middle East and Asia and i can assure you its different. Visiting here is not living here. Some women here are jealous even if you and her go to SM and you speak to a sales lady. Why is that neither I nor my wife can tell you why as we have not walked in their shoes. I am fortunate to have a wife who is not jealous.


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## M.C.A.

*Missed this posting?*



MR2 said:


> jojo; the main problem is I like to gym daily. I signed her up for a zumba class, but she doesn't like it too much. I like to spend hours in the gym, and I miss going by myself without worrying what she will be like when I return.
> 
> Jet; she told me that the father of her children cheated on her several times. She caught him once with her cousin. I have her cenomar, and NBI clearance as I was getting serious about her.
> 
> I tried spending every minute with her, and taking her everywhere I went. She was ok for a while, and then she started accusing me again. I tried to explain how that is not possible.
> 
> I offered to get her some help, but she is not willing to see a doctor about it.
> 
> Sadly you are right I have two options.


Sorry MR2, I must have missed this posting (?) and then made a comment but I feel that it will only get worse, very few women here will see a mental health doctor unless they have a total break down.

There was a TV show here similar to the Gerry Springer Show and an older Austrailian man was serious about a lady but his main complaint was that she didn't want him hanging out in the bars with other expats and her nagging, so he didn't have much freedom. The staff listening to the events, a lawyer a priest and another personality really gave it to the elderly man, it seemed there was no understanding but the Aussie wanted some freedom, he mentioned that he loved the jealous girlfriend but he's too old to get stuck at the house or at events where nobody speaks English, so he ended up with another girl and so both women were on the show, he preferred his new girlfriend, the stress, jealousy and constant drama drove him to date another ... the jealous girlfriend couldn't or wouldn't change or budge.

Does she or is she allowed privacy also, can she take off? of noticed similar issue's with people we hire for jobs, the wife will show up with the kids in tow and then whole day waiting for the money, so more mouth's to feed, we now explain to the worker that we can't have the family around anymore because somebody could get hurt but the women and children still show up, we've had to hire and fire several times before we find someone who can keep the family out of the job site.


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## Palawenio

It's a control issue. I have a Filipina wife.. ALL my friends with Filipina wives tell the same story.. Bottom line is the Filipina wife wants to be in control of the relationship..and don't forget the purse.. My guess is it's a cultural thing.. Seems to me that the Philippines is a Matriarchal Society, as opposed to patriarchal. So there you go. The Filipina wife wants, insists, and expects to be the boss. And we men from Mars have to fight tooth and nail to retain our universally designated role in a family unit. Just look at a pride of lions.. who's the boss? A family of chimps ; who's the boss? A gorilla family.. elephants.. meercats... who's the boss? The Filipino society, somehow, someway, somewhat, evolved into matriarchal ways.. But it can be remedied.. With LOTS of work..


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## jojo

Palawenio said:


> It's a control issue. I have a Filipina wife.. ALL my friends with Filipina wives tell the same story.. Bottom line is the Filipina wife wants to be in control of the relationship..and don't forget the purse.. My guess is it's a cultural thing.. Seems to me that the Philippines is a Matriarchal Society, as opposed to patriarchal. So there you go. The Filipina wife wants, insists, and expects to be the boss. And we men from Mars have to fight tooth and nail to retain our universally designated role in a family unit. Just look at a pride of lions.. who's the boss? A family of chimps ; who's the boss? A gorilla family.. elephants.. meercats... who's the boss? The Filipino society, somehow, someway, somewhat, evolved into matriarchal ways.. But it can be remedied.. With LOTS of work..


But isn't it the opposite? I've always assumed that the appeal of fillipino ladies is that, in general they are more subservient than western ladies. But what do I know? 

IMO, being in a loving relationship/marriage is about compromise and respect - and making each other happy? Bottom line; living together is a partnership and each partner has mutually agreed rules and duties, like a business. Neither one should be "in control" without prior agreement by both parties. 

Jo xxx

Sent from my D5803 using Expat Forum


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## Gary D

The Philippines is a very conservative society. I think what we are seeing here is a classic clash of cultures. Filipinas can be very loyal to her man and very protective but expect certain returns. Is can be especially so for the provincial girls. The you bed me you marry me attitude is still very strong. Appying western value are going to just get you into grief.


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## pamela0810

Could she just be worried that you're going to cheat on her with another Filipina and she would essentially lose her golden ticket to the Western World?

Living in Dubai, the one thing that drives most Filipinas here is the passport and they will do anything to secure a westernized future.

I'm with Jojo in thinking that the Filipinas are more subservient. I think she's being insecure and not jealous. Perhaps you need to put her mind at ease by taking her along to the gym a couple of times and let her see for herself that you're not cheating on her.


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## fuji0001

c_acton98 said:


> Wow so you don't live here that makes a difference for sure. Your older you both have separate incomes also tells a different story. How long has your GF been weternized? This also make a difference. Living in the Philippines is totally different than living anywhere in the world. I've lived in Europe, the US the Middle East and Asia and i can assure you its different. Visiting here is not living here. Some women here are jealous even if you and her go to SM and you speak to a sales lady. Why is that neither I nor my wife can tell you why as we have not walked in their shoes. I am fortunate to have a wife who is not jealous.


I added the disclaimer because I also think these things matter. But the point is that the two sides to every story element transcends culture. Basing a response to one parties story is mere speculation. My GF is 60 and only in USA last ten years. Grew up studied and had two careers in Phil's. Hardly westernized but rather an intelligent woman who didn't have child too early nor depend on men whether pinoy or western stereotyping is wrong


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## Asian Spirit

pamela0810 said:


> Could she just be worried that you're going to cheat on her with another Filipina and she would essentially lose her golden ticket to the Western World?
> 
> Living in Dubai, the one thing that drives most Filipinas here is the passport and they will do anything to secure a westernized future.
> 
> I'm with Jojo in thinking that the Filipinas are more subservient. I think she's being insecure and not jealous. Perhaps you need to put her mind at ease by taking her along to the gym a couple of times and let her see for herself that you're not cheating on her.


The women of Japan are subservient to a large degree but not Filipina ladies. Not by a long shot. 

They make great, even exceptional wives but hold their own in any relationship. This is for the most part because the local men here are immature, womanizing drunks. In many if not most married (or living together) homes the woman will make every effort to hold and control the cash in the "justifiable" attempt to keep food on the table and clothes for the kids if any.

In most cases if a local man has the cash it will be used first for liquor, fighting roosters, and women etc. So it's almost inbred in the women to hold the cash to get bills paid and keep everyone fed. 

In our home countries, men who do things like that find themselves in divorce court very quickly. But in the Philippines, there is no divorce written in the law here. Actually, I think this is the only country on earth that has no divorce.
Not really sure where I'm going with all this except to share info on the way of life here and that for many it can be overwhelming if not impossible to adjust to -- depending on the female involved.



Jet Lag..


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## Gary D

I'm in the type of relationship that I can do anything I like as long as I ask my wife first. I think if the op wants to spend hours in the gym he's definitely puting himself first.


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## lefties43332

my wife grew up in japanese filipino house. Her dad is the head of the family. I dont have to compete for position. I do always ask her opinions. She just tells me i know best. Sometimes i like feedback .


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## cvgtpc1

jojo said:


> but IME, peoples jealousy isnt always their problem, sometimes its a reaction to circumstances


What I believe also.....many times its a reaction and not out of the blue....where there's smoke there's also fire as they say....

If she can call the guy any time, or show up, and he's where he says he is then it is her issue.

If I say I'm going to have a beer at sari-sari store A she knows she can come by and I'm there, which she has, which shows her she has nothing to worry about and she doesn't.



Sent from my ASUS Transformer Pad TF700T using Tapatalk


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## seattlejoe

mcalleyboy said:


> Some what vague when you say "When ever I go anywhere without her" so without knowing where you are going it's hard to answer this question because next what's left is assuming.
> 
> I do drive around by myself but it took a while for the wife to become comfortable with this because if you are a combative or vocal person that can get you into all sorts of trouble, my wife had to remind me that many drivers carry guns, believe me they have very short tempers, drinking would be another dangerous concern the party will go from happy to deadly and late night running around is not a good idea.
> 
> My brother-in-laws, most of them are huge playboys and it's sort of accepted as a way of life for many and not much is done to curb this behavior but big trouble for the foreigner, we can get deported and banned for playing around. I live in a Municipality that used to have two other expats in it but both were deported (they had farm business and kids) for fooling around with women and the maid, these two guys (German and a British citizen) had been here nearly a decade, it's a real sad situation now because their kids went from money to no money.
> 
> You are somewhat blessed that a lady has taken liking to you and worries about you (Jealousy) and of course, her main concern would be other women trying to pick you up, does she take care of you or are there other reasons why you would leave her because if you are not into marriage (they would all like to get married, girlfriend type relationship's won't work so well) the relationship will continue to sour.
> 
> There are many immigrant benefits once you are married, without this the Visa and extension costs and hassles will add up.


 So was a law broken when a German and a Brit got caught fooling around on their wife. It don't make sense. But hey we are talking about the Philippines


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## M.C.A.

*Double Standards for Immigrants*



seattlejoe said:


> So was a law broken when a German and a Brit got caught fooling around on their wife. It don't make sense. But hey we are talking about the Philippines


Philippine Bureau of Immigration website messages his a short cut, listed under news it's vague but can be loosely interpreted in most cases also they do have laws on the books, they only get enforced if the women files a case, there doesn't seem to be any real form of social welfare so if the women gets pregnant you are in big trouble, it's going to go to court, whether it be by the wife or usually it's the mistress or girlfriend, but the local playboys are one day hundredaires and the women don't bother filing anything.

BAD GUYS OUT, GOOD GUYS IN

It's sort of sad, I live in a municipality of roughly 30,000 and no expats, I've seen a few come and go as tourist's because they are either too young or don't want to live in the Philippines but I feel that many don't have a pension. 

It's a privilege to live in a South Pacific Asian country and to ruin it by messing around out of wedlock isn't worth the gamble, you'll be deported no matter what, if you have kids...oh well, get ready to be deported unless you have a very large nest egg to throw away. Freedom of speech or disparaging comments about Government officials will not only get you locked up but also get you deported and blacklisted, seen that happen several times on the news.


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## ROUNDHEAD1952

Tukaram said:


> When I first met my girlfriend (now wife) - no, actually online before we met - I told her I am too old for and BS games. If she was the jealous type she better tell me now so I can move on without wasting either of our time. She has never shown any jealousy.
> 
> I don't know if she hides it well, or is not jealous ha ha. There is no way I could deal with a jealous type. (now I just joke that she doesn't really like me ha ha)


jealousy is not a component of love, it is simply a lack of trust


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## colemanlee

My wife and I have complete trust in each other, often if she thinks Im bored she will suggest I go get a beer....If I think taking care of the kids is getting to her, I tell her to go dance..she gets her brother and heads off to dance for a while....IMHO, those guys who wont let their wife out of their sight only have half a marriage...those women who are the same way only have half a marriage
I went with a girl for a while when first here, would not let me out of her sight, or the sight of one of her relatives...for love, I doubt it...more like they were afraid I would spend money on someone else besides them, or meet a real woman..
I dont tell anyone how to run their house, its none of my business...I can only relate what works for us....


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## M.C.A.

*Relationship trust*



colemanlee said:


> My wife and I have complete trust in each other, often if she thinks Im bored she will suggest I go get a beer....If I think taking care of the kids is getting to her, I tell her to go dance..she gets her brother and heads off to dance for a while....IMHO, those guys who wont let their wife out of their sight only have half a marriage...those women who are the same way only have half a marriage
> I went with a girl for a while when first here, would not let me out of her sight, or the sight of one of her relatives...for love, I doubt it...more like they were afraid I would spend money on someone else besides them, or meet a real woman..
> I dont tell anyone how to run their house, its none of my business...I can only relate what works for us....


My wife too will tell me to drink with the neighbors if I'm bored or they call me over for drinks, I've had to knock off the Lambanog though, no fun blacking out, they don't seem to get drunk? I've been told they're immune?


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## colemanlee

mcalleyboy said:


> My wife too will tell me to drink with the neighbors if I'm bored or they call me over for drinks, I've had to knock off the Lambanog though, no fun blacking out, they don't seem to get drunk? I've been told they're immune?


Not to worry, you see here its the opposite....they cant hang..I did some serious investigation, seems the difference is being a Marine as opposed to being Navy:heh:


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## esv1226

MR2 said:


> Hi guys;
> 
> How do you deal with the clingy, and jealous filipina girlfriend. It has progressed slowly over the past six months. Now she gets upset and crazy whenever I go anywhere without her.
> 
> I have talked with her many times it does no good.
> 
> Really don't want to break up over it, but I am not seeing too many options.


It is good that you are finding out what it is like early in the game. You have options.


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## UltraFJ40

colemanlee said:


> Not to worry, you see here its the opposite....they cant hang..I did some serious investigation, seems the difference is being a Marine as opposed to being Navy:heh:


You'll get three demerits and stand firewatch all weekend for that statement (but I bet it makes Chesty proud).

Semper Fi


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## fmartin_gila

UltraFJ40 said:


> You'll get three demerits and stand firewatch all weekend for that statement (but I bet it makes Chesty proud).
> 
> Semper Fi


So long as Chesty is proud, little else matters. (inside info only Marines understand)

Semper Fi

Fred


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## M.C.A.

*Marine Core our fellow brothers on the Ship*



UltraFJ40 said:


> You'll get three demerits and stand firewatch all weekend for that statement (but I bet it makes Chesty proud).
> 
> Semper Fi


I was crossing into Tijuana, (spent weekends down there) and after crossing I ran into a Marine and he only had his underwear on....I felt real sorry for him and he didn't seek help but I gave him a $20 so he get some clothes before he hit the border but then again you guys can handle booze... Lol, still brothers in arms whether comfortable out at sea with a hot cooked meal or in a tent with MRE's.


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## pijoe

I guess you never get too old for the Navy, Marine Corp. back-n- forth...


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## cvgtpc1

colemanlee said:


> Not to worry, you see here its the opposite....they cant hang


Sometimes I suspect its an act.....


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## colemanlee

pijoe said:


> I guess you never get too old for the Navy, Marine Corp. back-n- forth...


Actually you do, but only after your dead...


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