# Advise needed please!



## olive44 (Oct 9, 2011)

Hi... i am in need of some advice. i am originally from the uk and moved over to italy just under a year ago with my children and my italian boyfriend. we have been together 5 yrs (we met while he was living in the uk). a couple of years ago we discussed moving to italy to give the children a better quality of life as we had visited on many occasions and i thought it would be an amazing chance for them. 
This was a massive decision as i had a job, my family and my own house in the uk. I gave this a lot of thought and made sure i did research regarding schooling etc for the children which i believed to be the most important thing at the time. what i am trying to say i didn't just make the move without thinking first, however the one thing i didn't check out before going was what rights i would have if anything went wrong with my relationship. i feel very naive now but at the time, these thoughts never needed to cross my mind. Since moving to italy my boyfriend has become very difficult. im not sure for certain but im wondering if he's acting the way he is now as i am powerless here and he knows this. to cut a long story short...there have been many arguments since moving and at first i put this down to just pressures of us moving to a new country. in the last month or so things have gotten worse and i just don't know what to do anymore. he is verbally very abusive towards me and recently this has been in front of the children too.he lies all the time to me and recently i have found him on chat rooms looking at single women. when confronting him about his lying etc he tells me to keep quiet and if i don't a massive argument breaks out. most of the time for the sake of the children i have been staying quiet. i know what you are probably thinking because i too keep asking the same question....why do i not just leave him.
the simple fact is real life isn't as straight forward as that...at the moment if im honest im staying because i don't want to uproot the children again.(although the situation for them is no good now) i am working but just starting out with my own business so not able to support myself in italy..which means returning home. my boyfriend has told me that he will make things very difficult for me and will take everything from me so i leave with nothing. i don't doubt for a minute that he is joking about this.when i moved here i moved from my house in england and brought over all my furniture etc( all of this was mine from before we were together) since moving to italy i have purchased a car but my boyfriend went to register the car and when returning told me he had to do it in his name as my residency was in the uk. can anybody tell me if this is the case or more lies? he has now said not to drive the car as he will ring the police and if i leave he is keeping it. this part im sure i don't have a leg to stand on as the car is in his name. he has said i won't be taking a thing out of the house because he is keeping it all and because the house is in his name theres nothing i can do. again i know it sounds very naive but can he do this.
today he has threatened the worst thing i can imagine now...he has said he will ring the police and tell them i am an unfit mother so the children are taken from me. i don't know whether he can do this but as im english would they take the word of an italian. 
i feel very stupid at the moment and hope somebody can offer me with some advice. i can't speak with my family and tell them what is happening as i don't want to worry them...and i have nobody to speak to here that i can trust.
im quite sure there is no future for us now after everything that has been done and said but i need to try and leave this situation in the least unsettling way for my children. please please please somebody give me some help to know what my rights are. thanks


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## sheilamarsco (Jul 2, 2010)

hi there i don't what your rights are but i would advise you to get out of the situation as soon as possible. if that means leaving your car and furniture behind then so be it they are only possesions and not worth worrying about. the most important thing is yourself and your children you cannot live in a relationship where you are being emotionally blackmailed this is bad for you and for your children. get in touch with your family in england swallow a piece of humble pie and ask for their help and support. pack your personal belongings and get out.


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## rpizzica (Aug 10, 2011)

If I were you, I will contact the police immediately, or even better I will go to the police station with your children a report this ******* I am pretty sure that "The Law" will protect you and your children's before him.


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## libville (Oct 11, 2011)

olive44 said:


> Hi... i am in need of some advice. i am originally from the uk and moved over to italy just under a year ago with my children and my italian boyfriend. we have been together 5 yrs (we met while he was living in the uk). a couple of years ago we discussed moving to italy to give the children a better quality of life as we had visited on many occasions and i thought it would be an amazing chance for them.
> This was a massive decision as i had a job, my family and my own house in the uk. I gave this a lot of thought and made sure i did research regarding schooling etc for the children which i believed to be the most important thing at the time. what i am trying to say i didn't just make the move without thinking first, however the one thing i didn't check out before going was what rights i would have if anything went wrong with my relationship. i feel very naive now but at the time, these thoughts never needed to cross my mind. Since moving to italy my boyfriend has become very difficult. im not sure for certain but im wondering if he's acting the way he is now as i am powerless here and he knows this. to cut a long story short...there have been many arguments since moving and at first i put this down to just pressures of us moving to a new country. in the last month or so things have gotten worse and i just don't know what to do anymore. he is verbally very abusive towards me and recently this has been in front of the children too.he lies all the time to me and recently i have found him on chat rooms looking at single women. when confronting him about his lying etc he tells me to keep quiet and if i don't a massive argument breaks out. most of the time for the sake of the children i have been staying quiet. i know what you are probably thinking because i too keep asking the same question....why do i not just leave him.
> the simple fact is real life isn't as straight forward as that...at the moment if im honest im staying because i don't want to uproot the children again.(although the situation for them is no good now) i am working but just starting out with my own business so not able to support myself in italy..which means returning home. my boyfriend has told me that he will make things very difficult for me and will take everything from me so i leave with nothing. i don't doubt for a minute that he is joking about this.when i moved here i moved from my house in england and brought over all my furniture etc( all of this was mine from before we were together) since moving to italy i have purchased a car but my boyfriend went to register the car and when returning told me he had to do it in his name as my residency was in the uk. can anybody tell me if this is the case or more lies? he has now said not to drive the car as he will ring the police and if i leave he is keeping it. this part im sure i don't have a leg to stand on as the car is in his name. he has said i won't be taking a thing out of the house because he is keeping it all and because the house is in his name theres nothing i can do. again i know it sounds very naive but can he do this.
> today he has threatened the worst thing i can imagine now...he has said he will ring the police and tell them i am an unfit mother so the children are taken from me. i don't know whether he can do this but as im english would they take the word of an italian.
> ...


He sounds like the kind of guy that will try to stop you. Go to the police. Tell them you want to buy plane tickets and go home, but you are afraid he will try to stop you either physically or by screwing around with your credit cards. Then buy the tickets and leave and never EVER speak to him, text him or email him as long as you live. If he has your stuff hire a lawyer and try to get it back.


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## windwalker (Dec 21, 2009)

libville said:


> He sounds like the kind of guy that will try to stop you. Go to the police. Tell them you want to buy plane tickets and go home, but you are afraid he will try to stop you either physically or by screwing around with your credit cards. Then buy the tickets and leave and never EVER speak to him, text him or email him as long as you live. If he has your stuff hire a lawyer and try to get it back.


If she is living in the town where her boyfriend grew up and has friends and family, the police might be more inclined to listen to him.

If they have something like a battered womens help group in Italy, then they might be able to help her leave. I wonder if he will progress to hitting her soon.
And I agree for her to leave with her children as soon as she possilby can and go back to her family in the UK.


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## libville (Oct 11, 2011)

windwalker said:


> If she is living in the town where her boyfriend grew up and has friends and family, the police might be more inclined to listen to him.
> 
> If they have something like a battered womens help group in Italy, then they might be able to help her leave. I wonder if he will progress to hitting her soon.
> And I agree for her to leave with her children as soon as she possilby can and go back to her family in the UK.


I think I missed the part where they are in his hometown. I would advise her wait until he is at work, then pack, get in a taxi and go to the airport.


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