# Brit women in Spain!



## XTreme

A Spaniard asked me today why are they so ugly and gross?

I didn't really have an answer to be honest.

Obviously only under 30 Espanolas enter my field of vision so I'm not able to confirm or deny the status of the _alleged_ repugnant Brit females.

Your thoughts? Are they sweet English roses or po faced old boilers that have seen better days?


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## jojo

XTreme said:


> A Spaniard asked me today why are they so ugly and gross?
> 
> I didn't really have an answer to be honest.
> 
> Obviously only under 30 Espanolas enter my field of vision so I'm not able to confirm or deny the status of the _alleged_ repugnant Brit females.
> 
> Your thoughts? Are they sweet English roses or po faced old boilers that have seen better days?


Men are just as repugnant over 30!! by the time they're over 40 and then 50???? They're the gross ones - especially if theyre the type that lear at under 30s!!!!!

Jo xxxx


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## mrypg9

A Spanish woman asked me about British men. Why, she asked, are they so ugly and gross? She complained that many of them have huge white bellies, bald heads and horrible tattoos. Some, she said, wore strange clothing: Tshirts with stupid slogans,socks with sandals, she exclaimed in disbelief.
She also asked why so many of them obviously felt uncomfortable with anything sexual or erotic. They make stupid jokes, she said, as if they are embarrassed by such subjects. She asked if it were true that they were inept and clumsy lovers.
I told her that she had been unfortunate and that her experiences were typical of a small but sad minority. Most British women had managed to train their men not to be afraid of them and that many, indeed the great majority, were actually up to if not beyond the standard of Spanish and indeed most Continental men. 
Your thoughts: is she right or should she keep her photo of Antonio Banderas (the same one I've got, I expect) by her bedside? Should she change it for a photo of Martin Clunes?
Or should she book a week in France or Italy?


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## XTreme

mrypg9 said:


> She complained that many of them have huge white bellies, bald heads and horrible tattoos.


Bit harsh......not _all_ Brit women are like that! Just most of them!

I've heard there's one up Valencia way that actually has a couple of teeth....but it could just be an urban myth.


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## Warren D

Stereotypes...


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## Hombre

mrypg9 said:


> A Spanish woman asked me about British women. Why, she asked, are they so ugly and gross? She complained that many of them have huge white bellies, and horrible tattoos. Some, she said, wore strange clothing: Tshirts with stupid slogans,socks with sandals,
> 
> I asked Mrs H about this and she says it's to keep her bunions warm.


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## scharlack

According to Victoria Beckham, Spain is not a good place for women.

  

:rofl:


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## Pesky Wesky

scharlack said:


> According to Victoria Beckham, Spain is not a good place for women.
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


But is she a woman? Looks more like a robot to me!


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## jojo

Pesky Wesky said:


> But is she a woman? Looks more like a robot to me!


LOL, she's certainly not what I would consider a goods example of a "woman"!!!

Jo xxx


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## desres

that many of them have huge white bellies, bald heads and horrible tattoos. Some, she said, wore strange clothing: Tshirts with stupid slogans,socks with sandals

She forgot to mention .. spotty backs & smelly cheesy feet


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## jojo

desres said:


> that many of them have huge white bellies, bald heads and horrible tattoos. Some, she said, wore strange clothing: Tshirts with stupid slogans,socks with sandals
> 
> She forgot to mention .. spotty backs & smelly cheesy feet


 and a pint of british lager in their hands

Jo xxxx


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## xxxxxxxxxxxxxdeanhankin

jojo said:


> and a pint of british lager in their hands
> 
> Jo xxxx


Cant say ive seen many hot English or Spanish women over there especially over 35s , now Brazilians I have seen a few of those lurking about the place. 

As for the typical white English male I think youll find im 34 so that counts me out on the age thing, no tattoo's and I look like ................................? go on you finish the rest it'll probably be funnier anyhow


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## jockm

*Ugghhhh!*

I almost lost my lunch reading about cheesy-smelling feet!


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## SteveHall

I think that's pretty unfair on the British women over here. I just spent a very pleasant weekend with a few of them. Ooops, just remembered they were Norwegians! 

Seriously, there are plenty of attractive over 30s expat ladies and I am sure a fair sprinking of guys too. 

Some of the Spanish ladies seem to have a "gravity" problem once they reach 40/45 and don't even start me on Germans!! LOL


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## desres

jockm said:


> I almost lost my lunch reading about cheesy-smelling feet!


Sorry Jockm ... Jus a bit of fun :dance:


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## XTreme

SteveHall said:


> I think that's pretty unfair on the British women over here. I just spent a very pleasant weekend with a few of them. Ooops, just remembered they were Norwegians!


And you still never got laid!

Think you need to change your patter Steve!


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## SteveHall

Mesdames Moderators, Xtreme is pushing the limits of decency AGAIN .....lol


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## jojo

SteveHall said:


> Mesdames Moderators, Xtreme is pushing the limits of decency AGAIN .....lol



yes, he's close to a "nuking"!!!!!!!! LOL

Jo xxx


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## Hombre

desres said:


> that many of them have huge white bellies, bald heads and horrible tattoos. Some, she said, wore strange clothing: Tshirts with stupid slogans,socks with sandals
> 
> She forgot to mention .. spotty backs & smelly cheesy feet


All of which attracted me to Mrs H all those years ago...  :focus:


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## TomServo

Bald - yup, not through choice though 
Tattoos - plenty, however they are ALL out of this world and by amazing artists
Belly - a little, luckily it's getting smaller by the day 
Ugly - I think so, the missus disagrees (out of pity I think). The beard covers most of it.
Strange Clothing - do t-shirts by obscure european metal bands count?
Sandals - no way! Only gay men aged 40+ from Brighton wear sandals.

Would I get away with it?


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## maxd

Easy, Spain, especially the South does seem to attract people from council estates, that is the problem.


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## jojo

maxd said:


> Easy, Spain, especially the South does seem to attract people from council estates, that is the problem.



The type you mean dont all come from council estates, but I understand the generalisation you're thinking of! And yes, theres a few of them on the Costa del Sol!! and they're not all bad!!?

Jo xx


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## Hombre

maxd said:


> Easy, Spain, especially the South does seem to attract people from council estates, that is the problem.


I can't believe I just read that...........


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## jojo

Hombre said:


> I can't believe I just read that...........


I know LOL I was attracted to the South and I'm not from a council estate, altho my best friend was evicted from her house when she was younger and lived in one - does that count?!!!

Jo xxx


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## maxd

Hombre said:


> I can't believe I just read that...........


Heh, come on you know what I mean. 

Package holiday, drink as much as you can, eat only fish and chips, union jack boxers, tatooes, lobster colour from sun, f'ing and blinding, do not know where Spain is on the world map.

These are the types that tend to come from council estates  Or hang on, sorry you are right, it is stock brokers from Surrey


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## jojo

maxd said:


> Heh, come on you know what I mean.
> 
> Package holiday, drink as much as you can, eat only fish and chips, union jack boxers, tatooes, lobster colour from sun, f'ing and blinding, do not know where Spain is on the world map.
> 
> These are the types that tend to come from council estates  Or hang on, sorry you are right, it is stock brokers from Surrey



I wouldnt be surprised in the least if some of them were stock brokers or the like. They may be high earners, and speak with posh accents, but in some cases, they're certainly as badly turned out and have the same attitude and appalling behaviour - infact worse in some cases cos they're arrogant with it!! LOL



But I know what you mean!!!!!!

Jo xxx


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## desres

_C'mon guy's what about all the Marbella Belles ...lol

Blue ?? Blue who ?? Blue what ???? :confused2::confused2::confused2:

Ohhhhhhhhhhh the BABY !!! :clap2:_


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## Hombre

maxd said:


> Heh, come on you know what I mean.
> 
> Package holiday, drink as much as you can, eat only fish and chips, union jack boxers, tatooes, lobster colour from sun, f'ing and blinding, do not know where Spain is on the world map.
> 
> These are the types that tend to come from council estates  Or hang on, sorry you are right, it is stock brokers from Surrey


Well..as a retired restauranteur from a council estate, the next time I see my son..(director with a global conglemerate)...and my daughter..(deputy head of a large school in Somerset )..I shall remind them of their place in society. Must go...just nipping out in my union jack shorts to the chippy.


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## maxd

Hombre said:


> Well..as a retired restauranteur from a council estate, the next time I see my son..(director with a global conglemerate)...and my daughter..(deputy head of a large school in Somerset )..I shall remind them of their place in society. Must go...just nipping out in my union jack shorts to the chippy.



Bet my left bollock none of them live on a council estate anymore


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## Hombre

maxd said:


> Bet my left bollock none of them live on a council estate anymore


Quite an intelligent retort.


And you purport to be better than these people ?????.Jesus!!...I am finding it just incredible that people like you still exist.


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## jojo

Hombre said:


> Well..as a retired restauranteur from a council estate, the next time I see my son..(director with a global conglemerate)...and my daughter..(deputy head of a large school in Somerset )..I shall remind them of their place in society. Must go...just nipping out in my union jack shorts to the chippy.



I dont think any harm is meant, its a generalisation which I guess we cant deny, cos we know what he means, but we all know exceptions dont we and you cant "tar everyone with the same brush"!!!

Jo xxx


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## maxd

Hombre said:


> Quite an intelligent retort.
> 
> 
> And you purport to be better than these people ?????.Jesus!!...I am finding it just incredible that people like you still exist.


retort and purport eh? Would have thought "reply" and "Claim" would have been enough. Obviously trying to show off your linguistic skills learned at the local comprehensive.

Come on Hombre, they still on the council estate?


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## maxd

jojo said:


> I dont think any harm is meant, its a generalisation which I guess we cant deny, cos we know what he means, but we all know exceptions dont we and you cant "tar everyone with the same brush"!!!
> 
> Jo xxx


Exactly!


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## jojo

For heavens sake what are either of you trying to prove??? you both know what each other mean so what on earth are you arguing about??? Is it a full moon?? 

Jo xxx


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## maxd

jojo said:


> For heavens sake what are either of you trying to prove??? you both know what each other mean so what on earth are you arguing about??? Is it a full moon??
> 
> Jo xxx


testosterone!


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## jojo

maxd said:


> testosterone!


Oh!! Now did you know that too much testerone causes premature balding and thickening around the waist if they dont exercise regularly - fact!!!! hhhmmm, half way to becoming "the Stereotype"!!!!

Jo xxxx


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## maxd

jojo said:


> Oh!! Now did you know that too much testerone causes premature balding and thickening around the waist if they dont exercise regularly - fact!!!! hhhmmm, half way to becoming "the Stereotype"!!!!
> 
> Jo xxxx



Now that sounds like women from council estates  ( please see the funny side of this hombre)


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## Hombre

maxd said:


> Now that sounds like women from council estates  ( please see the funny side of this hombre)


Final final comment from this end...........Neanderthal


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## maxd

On an easyjet flight to Malaga sometime soon


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## XTreme

Well I was born and brought up in the inner city areas of post war industrial Swansea.

It was a hellhole.....and it took me nearly 40 years to get out of it.

Now I live in a Gypsy ghetto surrounded by donkeys and people defacating in the street.

So it just goes to show what can be achieved.


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## jojo

maxd said:


> On an easyjet flight to Malaga sometime soon


Nice Is this a "tenalady" ad??? She's not bald tho, nor does it state that she lives in a council house!! She maybe a stockbroker on a jolly. You cant tell !!!???

Thats the point isnt it. We generalise and we all know what we mean, but I know alot of what could be called "Hooray Henries" who come from very good backgrounds, private and public schools, excellent jobs, several homes, lots of money etc who kick back and rebel on a regular basis. They behave disgracefully and if you saw them out and about, you'd not believe they came from "good stock"!!!!!


Jo xx


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## Warren D

XTreme said:


> Well I was born and brought up in the inner city areas of post war industrial Swansea.
> 
> It was a hellhole.....and it took me nearly 40 years to get out of it.
> 
> Now I live in a Gypsy ghetto surrounded by donkeys and people defacating in the street.
> 
> So it just goes to show what can be achieved.


Hilarious!


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## maxd

XTreme said:


> Well I was born and brought up in the inner city areas of post war industrial Swansea.
> 
> It was a hellhole.....and it took me nearly 40 years to get out of it.
> 
> Now I live in a Gypsy ghetto surrounded by donkeys and people defacating in the street.
> 
> So it just goes to show what can be achieved.


Man, you make me laugh!

You could tell jojo she is wasting anchor text with her new sig link though. Might even get those pics you are after.


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## XTreme

The thing is though.....it's actually TRUE!


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## mrypg9

Brits are among the ugliest people in the world... according to an exclusive website which only allows 'beautiful' people to join.
Less than one in eight UK men (12 per cent) and just three in 20 women (15 per cent) who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted as members.
Existing members of the website rate how attractive potential members are over a 48-hour provisional period, when applicants upload a recent photograph and a short personal profile.


Read more: Brits among the 'ugliest people in the world' | Mail Online


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## Warren D

mrypg9 said:


> Brits are among the ugliest people in the world... according to an exclusive website which only allows 'beautiful' people to join.
> Less than one in eight UK men (12 per cent) and just three in 20 women (15 per cent) who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted as members.
> Existing members of the website rate how attractive potential members are over a 48-hour provisional period, when applicants upload a recent photograph and a short personal profile.
> 
> 
> Read more: Brits among the 'ugliest people in the world' | Mail Online


I was just about to post that. You beat me by two minutes!


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## mrypg9

maxd said:


> Heh, come on you know what I mean.
> 
> Package holiday, drink as much as you can, eat only fish and chips, union jack boxers, tatooes, f'ing and blinding,
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Sounds like Prague
> Until you've spent time there you do not know the meaning of the word 'chav'.
> nd I think that, once again, you may be insulting your customers....


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## mrypg9

Hombre said:


> Quite an intelligent retort.
> 
> 
> And you purport to be better than these people ?????.Jesus!!...I am finding it just incredible that people like you still exist.


People with these attitudes usually come from humble backgrounds themselves. It's amazing how the acquisition of a little money can turn heads.
That's part of the problem these days. Money and manners don't always go hand-in-hand.
Actually, not many people realise that council estates as such don't exist in many places any more. Many are now run by Housing Associations or Housing Action Trusts.
I think that if push came to shove I would rather live on a well-run social housing estate than in the gruesome high rise panelak ghettos of Prague, or indeed in a converted apartment in a crumbling centuries-old building which was the main alternative. There are some more pleasant older houses on the outskirts but also some featureless newbuilds, just like the UK in fact.
I keep wondering where all these stereotypes of Brits abroad hang out, though. I haven't seen any here, in fact I haven't seen or spoken to another Brit or German etc for days. Then we live in a quiet Spanish residential area with no bars etc. But this type of Brit is so numerous in Prague that it's one of the reasons I left.
As for EasyJet flights: surely maxd relies on cheap flights to transport his clientele?
But then I wouldn't know as I have only ever flown here BA Business Class and my Executive Club card enables me to use the VIP Lounge at Malaga Airport so I can avoid these dreadful types.:tongue1:
( I do not pay for my own flights).


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## jojo

The bottom line is that there are good and bad in all "walks of life" I think its narrow minded to pick out people not to like simply cos of the clothes they wear or the ammount of money they may or may not have!

But as human beings we're instinctively tribal and subconsciously tend to look for people like ourselves to associate with. Rightly or wrongly, we generalise about categories of people, who in turn dress and behave in the way they do to attract the people they want to be with?? How they look and dress is how they want to be seen - thats why they do it!! (I did this for an exam when I was doing social care in the community!! hense I'm being a know-it-all LOL))

I personally will be friendly and accept anyone whatever their looks or appearance, if they turn out to be "not my type" then I dump em, if not then I either gel with them and call them friends or just have them as good aquaintences

Jo xxx


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## mrypg9

jojo said:


> I personally will be friendly and accept anyone whatever their looks or appearance, if they turn out to be "not my type" then I dump em, if not then I either gel with them and call them friends or just have them as good aquaintences
> 
> Jo xxx


That's because you are a decent, sensible person. And also because you are mature and assured. (I don't mean that to be patronising)
It's people who are insecure who feel the need to put others down. A lot of people who come into more money than they've been used to late in life aren't sure where they fit in. 
I have a well-founded dislike of the kind of people who foul the streets of Prague, Barcelona, Dublin, Riga etc. because of their vile behaviour. 
I think it was the Duke of Wellington who, on hearing of the opening of the first railway line in 18hundred and something, said he strongly disapproved as it would take vulgar people to places they had no right to go.
Whilst not going that far I do think that cheap travel and accommodation has had its drawbacks as well as its undoubted benefits. Perhaps some kind of decorum test should be administered at check-in
And I do agree with what you wrote about dress etc. My daughter-in-law had the pleasure of being in close proximity to Victoria Beckham and Nancy D'Olio in the VIP Lounge at Madrid Airport (that's what the Business Lounge is called, for some reason. ) She was not impressed.


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## maxd

mrypg9 said:


> maxd said:
> 
> 
> 
> Heh, come on you know what I mean.
> 
> Package holiday, drink as much as you can, eat only fish and chips, union jack boxers, tatooes, f'ing and blinding,
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Sounds like Prague
> Until you've spent time there you do not know the meaning of the word 'chav'.
> nd I think that, once again, you may be insulting your customers....
> 
> 
> 
> They left a human poo on the stairs once in Prague!
Click to expand...


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## jojo

maxd said:


> mrypg9 said:
> 
> 
> 
> They left a human poo on the stairs once in Prague!
> 
> 
> 
> How on earth do you know it was human???????????
> 
> Jo xx
Click to expand...


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## maxd

jojo said:


> maxd said:
> 
> 
> 
> How on earth do you know it was human???????????
> 
> Jo xx
> 
> 
> 
> hah, I was not there but the Prague boss told me he knocked on the door and said " I beleive this belongs to you"
> 
> English slob "nah, mate not us"
> 
> There was a trail of poo to another door where his friends were staying and the door was ajar. So they went over and pushed the door open to find....another pile of poo!
Click to expand...


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## XTreme

maxd said:


> mrypg9 said:
> 
> 
> 
> They left a human poo on the stairs once in Prague!
> 
> 
> 
> Overtime work for the cleaners though....no doubt they'd be on time and a turd!
Click to expand...


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## Warren D

mrypg9 said:


> My daughter-in-law had the pleasure of being in close proximity to Victoria Beckham and Nancy D'Olio in the VIP Lounge at Madrid Airport (that's what the Business Lounge is called, for some reason. ) She was not impressed.


Not impressed by what exactly?


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## Warren D

I have to say that it seems that so much of this thread is just a load of negative exaggerated nonsense. All this clap trap about council estates, nouveau riche and hooray Henrys. Have a word with yourselves. Of course there are some people that don't behave but the vast majority do. Many youngsters go out and get drunk and might fall about the place but most of them don't cause any real problem for anyone. What Spain really doesn't need is a load of middle aged Brit ninnies whining about nothing.


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## mrypg9

maxd said:


> mrypg9 said:
> 
> 
> 
> They left a human poo on the stairs once in Prague!
> 
> 
> 
> Now why am I not surprised????
> I read you are thinking of visiting Florida for winter sun.....it depends on where and when you go - Florida is a big state - but the main holiday resorts are tacky, vulgar and you will find there many of the kind of people you find in parts of the Costas here. Loads of blue-rinses too.
> It's cheap, though.
> I have friends in Texas and New Mexico which are interesting places with all-year-round good weather. Takes ages to fly there though but these are on the whole tourist-free areas. But as you have children (or a child) Florida has more to offer.
Click to expand...


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## mrypg9

Warren D said:


> Not impressed by what exactly?


Their reputation for glamour. Considering the amount of money each of them spends on themselves......
But then few people look good close up.
I certainly don't, alas.
Do you?


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## mrypg9

jojo said:


> maxd said:
> 
> 
> 
> How on earth do you know it was human???????????
> 
> Jo xx
> 
> 
> 
> Well, it certainly wasn't Our Little Azor.
> He's trained and I always carry a poo bag.
Click to expand...


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## mrypg9

Warren D said:


> I have to say that it seems that so much of this thread is just a load of negative exaggerated nonsense. All this clap trap about council estates, nouveau riche and hooray Henrys. Have a word with yourselves. Of course there are some people that don't behave but the vast majority do. Many youngsters go out and get drunk and might fall about the place but most of them don't cause any real problem for anyone. What Spain really doesn't need is a load of middle aged Brit ninnies whining about nothing.


Generally speaking, you are quite right. But there are areas which have been made unpleasant by the bad behaviour of that sizeable minority.
I notice you live in Ibiza: we used to have a finca in a tranquil area just outside Santa Eulalia. When we first went there it was gorgeous, quiet, rural and I loved spending summers there.
Then towns like San Antonio developed and began to attract a yob crowd. We stopped going as the island became more and more crowded and drunken loutish behaviour spoilt the holidays of many families.
Friends tell me that the authorities cracked down on the bad behaviour and attempted to create a more up-market image and no doubt things have hugely improved.
Other countries such as Turkey, Cyprus and Tunisia have been aware of the negative image of their holiday resorts by a few badly behaved Brits and have begun toclamp down and polish their images.
Yes, 99% of Brits abroad behave well. But the 1% that doresn't can spoil an awful lot of holidays.


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## jojo

Warren D said:


> I have to say that it seems that so much of this thread is just a load of negative exaggerated nonsense. All this clap trap about council estates, nouveau riche and hooray Henrys. Have a word with yourselves. Of course there are some people that don't behave but the vast majority do. Many youngsters go out and get drunk and might fall about the place but most of them don't cause any real problem for anyone. What Spain really doesn't need is a load of middle aged Brit ninnies whining about nothing.



I do wish you werent so grumpy!! Maybe theres humour lost in your writing somewhere, but you nearly always come across as really miserable and unhappy!!!

... and hey, moaning is the british national pastime, we do it so well !!!! 

Jo xxx


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## Warren D

jojo said:


> I do wish you werent so grumpy!! Maybe theres humour lost in your writing somewhere, but you nearly always come across as really miserable and unhappy!!!
> 
> ... and hey, moaning is the british national pastime, we do it so well !!!!
> 
> Jo xxx


So if I make a post about the negative posts in the thread, I am the one being grumpy? OK understood.


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## XTreme

Warren D said:


> So if I make a post about the negative posts in the thread, I am the one being grumpy? OK understood.


C'mon Warren....wise up! You're a bloke....so you're never going to be able to do anything right!


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## Warren D

XTreme said:


> C'mon Warren....wise up! You're a bloke....so you're never going to be able to do anything right!


You are right. I should have known better.


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## chrisnation

*Sandals? Gay men from Brighton?*



TomServo said:


> Bald - yup, not through choice though
> Tattoos - plenty, however they are ALL out of this world and by amazing artists
> Belly - a little, luckily it's getting smaller by the day
> Ugly - I think so, the missus disagrees (out of pity I think). The beard covers most of it.
> Strange Clothing - do t-shirts by obscure european metal bands count?
> Sandals - no way! Only gay men aged 40+ from Brighton wear sandals.
> 
> Would I get away with it?


Brighton again .. What is it about Brighton? In another thread, JoJo compared Valencia to 'Brighton in the sun'. Which it ain't.

Now we have it that it is the locale favoured by the sandal-wearers of a parellel attraction inclination [I just made that up because I want the English language to reclaim the word 'gay' for its original meaning " light-hearted and carefree" OCD]

Back to sandals and Brit blokes wearing them. I _know_ that there are sandals which defy the Brightonian label. I had a squeeze for 10 years+ who commented when I appeared in a pair of sandals, "Nice sandals."

You may think this woman lacked taste. Well, I can tell you that she was top-drawer, upper crust, belted earl for an uncle, finishing school in France followed by a spell with the Gonzales family, as in Gonzales-Byass. And as she was a cross between Jerry Hall and Joanna Lumley [alright, Patsy on a good day], she didn't need to stoop to b/s to keep me interested.

Pity she was often also like Patsy on a bad day ...


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## Warren D

chrisnation said:


> Brighton again .. What is it about Brighton? In another thread, JoJo compared Valencia to 'Brighton in the sun'. Which it ain't.
> 
> Now we have it that it is the locale favoured by the sandal-wearers of a parellel attraction inclination [I just made that up because I want the English language to reclaim the word 'gay' for its original meaning " light-hearted and carefree" OCD]
> 
> Back to sandals and Brit blokes wearing them. I _know_ that there are sandals which defy the Brightonian label. I had a squeeze for 10 years+ who commented when I appeared in a pair of sandals, "Nice sandals."
> 
> You may think this woman lacked taste. Well, I can tell you that she was top-drawer, upper crust, belted earl for an uncle, finishing school in France followed by a spell with the Gonzales family, as in Gonzales-Byass. And as she was a cross between Jerry Hall and Joanna Lumley [alright, Patsy on a good day], she didn't need to stoop to b/s to keep me interested.
> 
> Pity she was often also like Patsy on a bad day ...


We need more gay posts like this.


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## Warren D

Oh and I meant in its original meaning " light-hearted and carefree"


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## Hombre

chrisnation said:


> Brighton again .. What is it about Brighton? In another thread, JoJo compared Valencia to 'Brighton in the sun'. Which it ain't.
> 
> Now we have it that it is the locale favoured by the sandal-wearers of a parellel attraction inclination [I just made that up because I want the English language to reclaim the word 'gay' for its original meaning " light-hearted and carefree" OCD]
> 
> Back to sandals and Brit blokes wearing them. I _know_ that there are sandals which defy the Brightonian label. I had a squeeze for 10 years+ who commented when I appeared in a pair of sandals, "Nice sandals."
> 
> You may think this woman lacked taste. Well, I can tell you that she was top-drawer, upper crust, belted earl for an uncle, finishing school in France followed by a spell with the Gonzales family, as in Gonzales-Byass. And as she was a cross between Jerry Hall and Joanna Lumley [alright, Patsy on a good day], she didn't need to stoop to b/s to keep me interested.
> 
> Pity she was often also like Patsy on a bad day ...


No Chris.....she lacked taste...


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## Warren D

Hombre said:


> No Chris.....she lacked taste...


S******.


----------



## chrisnation

*Sandals*



Hombre said:


> No Chris.....she lacked taste...


Now I come to think about it - what was she doing staring at my feet? Surely she should have been gazing longingly into my beady minces [Dahhhling! Where have you _been_ this ten minutes passed...?] or admiring my rippling torso? [In the days when I had a torso - yes, girls, we all did, once upon a time]

No. She did have taste. Wouldn't countenance going down town [Port of Spain, Trini, since you ask] with me dressed in shorts. That's me in the shorts, not her ...

But then, I wuz bring up proper in the military manner in the twilight of Empire in far-flung places of unfeasible heat and would never DREAM of going down town in shorts - even on the Costa del Sol

Would you?


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## XTreme

Thank God we're getting some laddish posts at last instead of the cut and paste drivel from these boring middle aged women!

I'm keeping the momentum going.....


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## Hombre

XTreme said:


> Thank God we're getting some laddish posts at last instead of the cut and paste drivel from these boring middle aged women!
> 
> I'm keeping the momentum going.....


I was only saying the same thing to Mrs H's sister in bed this morning


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## chrisnation

*Rollin' on ..*



Hombre said:


> I was only saying the same thing to Mrs H's sister in bed this morning


They Shall Not Grow Old as us blokes grow old because, to quote the High Maintenance Blonde here revealed, "It's all paint and polyfiller" and botox and liposuction. There is a TVR's petrol tank's worth of hair-do _every month_, I know: I used to take her to the salon in a TVR... And pay.

There is silicone, collagen, underwear that lifts, underwear that doesn't, underwear with parts missing ... mmmmm ... there is Hatton Garden and Tiffany and Butler & Wilson and "God! I wouldn't be seen dead in flatties!"

There are also smellies. It used to be Dior's 'Diorissimo' £50/egg-cupfull on Kensington High St but, thank the lord, only £36 at Superdrug, King's Rd.

"Shall I bring over some smellies?" 
"Oh, would you, darling? But not my usual. Too strong for daytime and not strong enough for night"
"Wha?!" 
"Well, it's the heat, darling - no good for Trini" 
"OK. What then?" 
" 'Joy' by Patou - but a daytime one and a night time one. They have it in Barkers. They'll know which ones"

£50 each per egg-cup full. X 2

And don't ask me why 2 x Patou doesn't last twice as long as 1 x Dior. There standard issue maths of the 1+1=2 variety - and there is maths like the girls know it. 2x50ml Patou= 1x50ml Diorissimo. 

Perhaps it's like beer? 2 halves go down quicker than 1 pint?

Enough for a bloke to lose all his hair and get a bit porky. Did, me.

View attachment 1373


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## jojo

... and I wonder what that poor young girl would make of you lot!!!!!!

Jo xxx


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## chrisnation

*It would all depend*



jojo said:


> ... and I wonder what that poor young girl would make of you lot!!!!!!
> 
> Jo xxx


... on the size of our wads!


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## jojo

chrisnation said:


> ... on the size of our wads!



On the overall package!!!!!! I dont mean what you think either!!!!! :eyebrows:

Jo xxx


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## chrisnation

*Carlo Ponti*



jojo said:


> On the overall package!!!!!! I dont mean what you think either!!!!! :eyebrows:
> 
> Jo xxx


JoJo. need one say more?

OK, I will then.

What was it about Carlo Ponti - very short, very fat, very bald - that he got to sleep with Sophia Loren every night?

package, schmackage!


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## jojo

chrisnation said:


> JoJo. need one say more?
> 
> OK, I will then.
> 
> What was it about Carlo Ponti - very short, very fat, very bald - that he got to sleep with Sophia Loren every night?
> 
> package, schmackage!



MONEY!....... and maybe a sense of humour!!! That counts you lot out then 

Jo xxx


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## mrypg9

Rather like the Mrs.Merton line: 'And what was it that attracted you to balding, fat, middle-aged millionaire Paul Daniels?'
But them men whose only attraction is money deserve to be taken to the cleaners....


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## chrisnation

*Too true, JoJo*



jojo said:


> MONEY!....... and maybe a sense of humour!!! That counts you lot out then
> 
> Jo xxx


Yep. Dead right. If we didn't have a sense of humour, all that money on expensive stuff for the duchess that just washes off in the bath... well, you gotta laugh, haven't you?


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## mrypg9

chrisnation said:


> Yep. Dead right. If we didn't have a sense of humour, all that money on expensive stuff for the duchess that just washes off in the bath... well, you gotta laugh, haven't you?


I think some men should spend a little more on themselves..


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## jojo

mrypg9 said:


> I think some men should spend a little more on themselves..



But they wouldnt spend it on the right things !!!!!!!!

Jo xxxx


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## mrypg9

chrisnation said:


> JoJo. need one say more?
> 
> OK, I will then.
> 
> What was it about Carlo Ponti - very short, very fat, very bald - that he got to sleep with Sophia Loren every night?
> 
> package, schmackage!


Think about what you've just posted. Are you saying that some men are so downright unappetising and unattractive to any half-decent woman that they have to flash the cash to get one????
If so, that's not very flattering, is it?
A lot of women are buying men these days, I've read.....


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## mrypg9

jojo said:


> But they wouldnt spend it on the right things !!!!!!!!
> 
> Jo xxxx



which is why they need women to look after their money

Did you get my pm with that boring stuff, BTW?


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## chrisnation

*And here comes Ry Cooder with proof... medium slow, with feeling.*

My father told me, lying on his bed of death,
"Boy," he says, "woman - she's gonna make it, don't fool yourself
'Cause she's got something to make a man 
Lay that money, uh, right in her hand"

And the very thing that makes her rich will make you poor
The very thing that makes her rich will make you poor"

That's right!

Well, I put you behind the wheel of a deuce and a quarter.
Yes I did.
Had you living like a rich man's daughter. 
Yes I did. I sure did.
While you were living high on the hog
You had me down here, scuffling like a dog

Well, the very thing that makes you rich makes me poor
The very thing that makes you rich makes me poor

Don't you never, ever make such a bad mistake.
You know I'd rather climb into bed with a rattlesnake
Then to work hard every day 
Bringing that woman all my pay.

The very thing that makes you rich makes me poor,
Makes me so damn poor

The very thing that makes you rich makes me poor
The very thing that makes you rich makes me poor
Very thing that makes you rich makes me poor
Makes me so damned poor

Money won't change it, no no .. 
Money won't change it, no no ..
Money won't change it, no no ..


I always smile when I play this one. Reminds me of the teeny-weey pots of Helena Rubenstien foundation, 50 quid - another 50 quid: enough for two bits of toast, if it was marmalade.

Why is this stuff always 50 quid?

When I ventured the observation that one does not get much for £50 - ie that _she_ did not get much for _my _£50, the reply was : "Well, the good stuff goes a long way."

Another of H.M.B.s lines was "All the real blondes are out of a bottle."

Hands up girls. Confession time. Form an orderly queue. No pushing ...

JoJo. Would you like to go 1st?


----------



## chrisnation

*Yep!*



mrypg9 said:


> Think about what you've just posted. Are you saying that some men are so downright unappetising and unattractive to any half-decent woman that they have to flash the cash to get one????
> If so, that's not very flattering, is it?
> A lot of women are buying men these days, I've read.....


'fraid so! My plumber bought a wife in Thailand ... funny old world, isn't it?


----------



## mrypg9

chris, why are you so obseessed with your little £50 bottles of scent et al? I have a feeling this woman done you wrong....
Most women happily spend that and more on their hair, general appearance etc. and don't think it out of the ordinary. Of course if they can get some old fool to buy it for them...
Nice one with the Ry Cooder, though. I haven't played my Cooder CDs /tapes for ages. Must dig them out.


----------



## mrypg9

chrisnation said:


> 'fraid so! My plumber bought a wife in Thailand ... funny old world, isn't it?


 I know a lot of men who have bought wives from all over the world. The men are usually not very appealing and the women are young and ambitious - and unscrupulous. 
I know of an elderly British man who bought a Ukrainian woman, married her, as soon as she had all the documents and had found her feet in the UK then she left him for a younger model.
Also know a rather ugly Austrian guy who bought a Russian woman.
Seriously, I think it's sad. These sad sacks are looking for love, the women are looking for a new life in a rich country.
But as the saying goes, there's no fool like an old fool..


----------



## mrypg9

Actually, I don't know that many men who've had to buy women, whether as tarts or wives. Only two or three in ten years or so.
I try to keep away from sad, lonely and desperate men.
A friend once told me that she thought men should be like library books - examine for interesting content as well as attractive cover, use then replace on shelf.
She was a bitter woman..


----------



## XTreme

mrypg9 said:


> I try to keep away from sad, lonely and desperate men.


You've removed Steve Hall from your contacts list? Say it ain't so?


----------



## chrisnation

mrypg9 said:


> chris, why are you so obseessed with your little £50 bottles of scent et al? I have a feeling this woman done you wrong....
> Most women happily spend that and more on their hair, general appearance etc. and don't think it out of the ordinary. Of course if they can get some old fool to buy it for them...
> Nice one with the Ry Cooder, though. I haven't played my Cooder CDs /tapes for ages. Must dig them out.


It ain't me that's obsessed with these little bottles of 50 quid goo - it's yer female of the species! Even a bloke can work out why the 1st 50 metres in from the front door of Boots on Ken High is 50 quid little bottles za za za 

Boots understand our problem though. They very helpfully put a side door in from the Tube concourse, straight to the useful stuff - toothpaste, hang-over cures, hair restorer - sort of thing a chap needs.

I have to be honest though. I've just had a lodger move out and I'm so glad. She spent pennies on the smellies - and almost made me nostalgic for the little 50 quid etc etc. Lavender scented laundry powder - the smell would fell a Percheron. 

Hope it disappears before my new lodger checks in - Fernando frommmmmmmmm ........... Valencia! In-house Spanish conversation practice!


----------



## chrisnation

*Don't worry about Steve*



XTreme said:


> You've removed Steve Hall from your contacts list? Say it ain't so?


he's doing alright over on the 'property prices in Valencia' thread.


----------



## chrisnation

*Oh yes we would!*



jojo said:


> But they wouldnt spend it on the right things !!!!!!!!
> 
> Jo xxxx


1] TVR Chimera in gloss black with dove grey leather. The 4 litre will do. Anything more is just showing off.

And in case any ladies out there start rolling their eyeballs, it was a woman who got me into V8s. I was going to get the 3 litre V6 but this paragon of good taste and good sense came up with "Anything less than a V8 is for wimps." in the club mag. A wimp? Not I.

2] Fender Stratocaster 'Deluxe'. Well, Jimi just used to get another plain vanilla 'USA Standard' thrown into the back of a cab and sent round to the studio but he didn't care if it kept going out of tune. And running thru' a Marshall 50 combo, to make my ears bleed.

3] Season ticket at Anfield. Though the doc might need to up my dose of the blood pressure pills the way Rafa is doing things a.t.m.

See? All good stuff. The right stuff!


----------



## jojo

chrisnation said:


> 1] TVR Chimera in gloss black with dove grey leather. The 4 litre will do. Anything more is just showing off.
> 
> And in case any ladies out there start rolling their eyeballs, it was a woman who got me into V8s. I was going to get the 3 litre V6 but this paragon of good taste and good sense came up with "Anything less than a V8 is for wimps." in the club mag. A wimp? Not I.
> 
> 2] Fender Stratocaster 'Deluxe'. Well, Jimi just used to get another plain vanilla 'USA Standard' thrown into the back of a cab and sent round to the studio but he didn't care if it kept going out of tune. And running thru' a Marshall 50 combo, to make my ears bleed.
> 
> 3] Season ticket at Anfield. Though the doc might need to up my dose of the blood pressure pills the way Rafa is doing things a.t.m.
> 
> See? All good stuff. The right stuff!


........ but more importantly, what about spending on your personal appearance, so us ladies can be proud to be seen out with you?????

I rest my case!

Jo xxx


----------



## littleredrooster

mrypg9 said:


> I know a lot of men who have bought wives from all over the world. The men are usually not very appealing and the women are young and ambitious - and unscrupulous.
> I know of an elderly British man who bought a Ukrainian woman, married her, as soon as she had all the documents and had found her feet in the UK then she left him for a younger model.
> Also know a rather ugly Austrian guy who bought a Russian woman.
> Seriously, I think it's sad. These sad sacks are looking for love, the women are looking for a new life in a rich country.
> But as the saying goes, there's no fool like an old fool..



The brutal truth is that the poor guy always has to pay for his little bit pleasure regardless whether its an exotic import or a home bred ball and chain.......


----------



## chrisnation

*I quote Keira Knightly on this*



jojo said:


> ........ but more importantly, what about spending on your personal appearance, so us ladies can be proud to be seen out with you?????
> 
> I rest my case!
> 
> Jo xxx


Is that how one spells 'Knightly' or is it just wishful thinking on my part? Actually, she could do with spending a bit on her appearance - in her case _food_. 

I had a girlfriend once who was the Knightly build. It's not womanly to have ribs that show up in rear view. S' like sleeping with a bundle of bean canes.

Back to blokes though and the quote from La Knightly.

She was asked what the difference was between British blokes and American guys. 

She said, "If you ask an American guy what his 'beauty' regime is, he'll tell you. If you ask a British bloke he'll say, 'Errrrr .... Guinness' "

I rest my case.

But surely JoJo, lashing out on 14 pairs new Y-fronts shows this bloke, at least, is heading in the right direction? That they came off eBay for 99p just leaves a bit over for - well, I'm open to suggestions.


----------



## SteveHall

Originally Posted by mrypg9 
I try to keep away from sad, lonely and desperate men. 

You've removed Steve Hall from your contacts list? Say it ain't so? 


MMmmmm, Xtreme. You have no idea just how much fun I am having travelling through Spain!

I will be near you on Thursday/Friday I think. You want to buy Bjorn and me a coffee? Home | The Shirt - Forget me not 2009/10


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## XTreme

SteveHall said:


> I will be near you on Thursday/Friday I think. You want to buy Bjorn and me a coffee? Home | The Shirt - Forget me not 2009/10


Where you gonna be Steve?


----------



## SteveHall

Bjorn will be coming through from Baza to Iznajar. 

Same place as last time? Send us by PM a nice success story about you and I will blog about looking forward to meeting you again (and your donkeys!!)


----------



## chrisnation

*Too Right*



littleredrooster said:


> The brutal truth is that the poor guy always has to pay for his little bit pleasure regardless whether its an exotic import or a home bred ball and chain.......


Little Red Rooster is correct. It is #3 of The Laws of the Medes and The Persians which, if you were all paying attention in R.E., _can never be undone._

To prove this, I well recall once making the innocent remark, in jest, "... but_ you_ are worth every penny." Modest explosion in London SW7. Only one unsuspecting male injured.

The foaming, lurid, white-hot post feminist rant that followed would have melted lead.

Next time out in the car, "Oh! Pull over, love - by the newsagent - gotta get some cigs. Got a fiver?"

So it's heads we blokes pay, tails you girls don't. Cake and eat it. Big time.

To illustrate this, I attach a photo I took in Valencia the other day.

Note. Staff - Women. Customers - Women. Products - cakes. QED


----------



## XTreme

SteveHall said:


> Bjorn will be coming through from Baza to Iznajar.
> 
> Same place as last time? Send us by PM a nice success story about you and I will blog about looking forward to meeting you again (and your donkeys!!)


Venta Del Peral Services? No probs Steve.....let me know the day and rough time.

As for blogging about me....I don't know what to say....so you call it how you see it!


----------



## jojo

XTreme said:


> As for blogging about me....I don't know what to say....so you call it how you see it!


Do you get paid to do blogs???? If so I'll do one LOL

Jo xxx


----------



## XTreme

jojo said:


> Do you get paid to do blogs???? If so I'll do one LOL


Here's a preview of Jo's blog.....

_"Well I don't know anything about writing blogs.....or anything else for that matter. But somebody else will be along in a minute who does". _


----------



## chrisnation

XTreme said:


> Here's a preview of Jo's blog.....
> 
> _"Well I don't know anything about writing blogs.....or anything else for that matter. But somebody else will be along in a minute who does". _


No that _is_ funny!

But how did we get here from beer-bellies and maxed-out rear-ends?


----------



## Warren D

jojo said:


> Do you get paid to do blogs???? If so I'll do one LOL
> 
> Jo xxx


:focus:


----------



## jojo

XTreme said:


> Here's a preview of Jo's blog.....
> 
> _"Well I don't know anything about writing blogs.....or anything else for that matter. But somebody else will be along in a minute who does". _



One day you'll realise I'm not as dumb as I make out to be LOL

Jo xxx


----------



## XTreme

jojo said:


> One day you'll realise I'm not as dumb as I make out to be LOL
> 
> Jo xxx


You seen Big Pete's new vid Jo? Grease! And we're the leads!


----------



## XTreme

In case any of you are interested this was made by the legendary Big Pete.....who for various reasons (the usual ones) can't post here any more. 

This is the first in his "Grease" Expat Forum trilogy.....with me and Jo as the leads!

I'm linking to YouTube not the other site so I don't think I'm breaking any rules!

This is really good.....


----------



## jojo

XTreme said:


> In case any of you are interested this was made by the legendary Big Pete.....who for various reasons (the usual ones) can't post here any more.
> 
> This is the first in his "Grease" Expat Forum trilogy.....with me and Jo as the leads!
> 
> I'm linking to YouTube not the other site so I don't think I'm breaking any rules!
> 
> This is really good.....
> 
> YouTube - Grease the expat forums movie 0001



Its silly!!!!! LOL! Its a shame you dont really look like that Xtreme - and the same for me come to that LOL!!!

Jo xx


----------



## XTreme

jojo said:


> Its silly!!!!! LOL! Its a shame you dont really look like that Xtreme - and the same for me come to that LOL!!!
> 
> Jo xx


You want to look like a young John Travolta Jo?


----------



## XTreme

I tell you something.....me and Travolta are the same age.....and I've carried the years a lot better than he has.

Bad plastic surgery, bad wig.....and a gut for Travolta these days!


----------



## jojo

XTreme said:


> I tell you something.....me and Travolta are the same age.....and I've carried the years a lot better than he has.
> 
> Bad plastic surgery, bad wig.....and a gut for Travolta these days!


Thats it, shatter my illusion, lets see one of you standing like that in your swimmies then - for comparison reasons of course!!!!! 

Jo xxx


----------



## XTreme

Bit cold at the moment Jo.....I won't be at my best!

Even so I'd still look 100 times better than flabby wigman!


----------



## Hombre

jojo said:


> Thats it, shatter my illusion, lets see one of you standing like that in your swimmies then - for comparison reasons of course!!!!!
> 
> Jo xxx


Is he peeing in the pool ?


----------



## XTreme

Hombre said:


> Is he peeing in the pool ?


Think he's re-attaching his pubic wig under the direction of his Scientologist masters!

Weird shiite this cult stuff!

I can't figure out the attraction of joining a group that makes you cut your balls off while awaiting the arrival of the mothership.

Hell....even a weekend in Torrevieja is better than that. Just!


----------



## jojo

He's got man boobs too!!!

Jo xx


----------



## XTreme

jojo said:


> He's got man boobs too!!!
> 
> Jo xx


Hombre's got man boobs? Say it ain't so?


----------



## jojo

XTreme said:


> Hombre's got man boobs? Say it ain't so?


Not him, dipstick!!!! John Travolta, have a look!

Jo xxx


----------



## XTreme

jojo said:


> Not him, dipstick!!!!


dipstick's got man boobs too? God....this place is turning into some online dropout centre for deviants!


----------

