# Need Help!!



## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Hello Everyone,

Ive been looking through the forums for a solution to a problem. I need to know if there is some way i can be with a woman who lives in mexico i am in the us, she has a child from a previous relationship and he wont let her take the child with her to live here. So, i have decided to try and move over there to be with her i am 22 years old and am willing to go through what it takes!! Thanks for any helpful advise 

PS: I am very good with computers would starting a business be a viable option or can we do it through marriage?She is a mexican national.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

My first suggestion is, Be careful. You may have no idea of what you are really getting into. First, you need a residence visa, from a Mexican consulate, for which there are financial requirements which you may not be able to meet. Then, how will the father of the child react to you as a step-father? That is a serious question to consider. Of course, you could go down on a 180 day tourist visa, but would have to leave before that time is up, unless married and approved by INM for a familial visa. Does she work, and can she support you? Your chances of working in Mexico depend upon specific permission from immigration authorities, which is not easy to get, and you would certainly need to be fluent in Spanish and have pretty good credentials. Even at a mature professional level, the pay would be a fraction of what you might expect in the USA.
I do not envy your situation and urge you to contact the nearest Mexican consulate for more details or options.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

She works as a teacher and sells makeup I don't know if her coming here will be possible with the father getting in the way it seems that it may not be possible if I had his cooperation my job would be sufficient


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## TundraGreen (Jul 15, 2010)

asdablade said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> Ive been looking through the forums for a solution to a problem. I need to know if there is some way i can be with a woman who lives in mexico i am in the us, she has a child from a previous relationship and he wont let her take the child with her to live here. So, i have decided to try and move over there to be with her i am 22 years old and am willing to go through what it takes!! Thanks for any helpful advise
> 
> PS: I am very good with computers would starting a business be a viable option or can we do it through marriage?She is a mexican national.


You don't say how long you have known this woman, nor the age of the child, nor the current interaction between her and the father, nor the child's legal status vis-a-vis the father. I am neither asking you to provide such detailed information, nor suggesting that you provide it. But without knowing more about the situation, it is hard for an outsider to provide much advice.

I would suggest you proceed very carefully and slowly. When you say the father "won't ler her..." it implies the father has either legal control over the child or strong influence on the mother. In either case, it is a warning signal.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

TundraGreen said:


> You don't say how long you have known this woman, nor the age of the child, nor the current interaction between her and the father, nor the child's legal status vis-a-vis the father. I am neither asking you to provide such detailed information, nor suggesting that you provide it. But without knowing more about the situation, it is hard for an outsider to provide much advice.
> 
> I would suggest you proceed very carefully and slowly. When you say the father "won't ler her..." it implies the father has either legal control over the child or strong influence on the mother. In either case, it is a warning signal.


Have you spent time with this woman in person or just online? Just wondering . . .


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

We have been together a little over a year and we have known each other longer he actually never was married to her and has never had any legal proceedings regarding her so no fraternity has been established she's 2 yrs old and they don't have any interaction past the child as far as I know he has no control if you need more let me know


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

We have spent some considerable time together she's a great person and I love her daughter like she's my own I wouldn't go through the trouble if they weren't worth it I truly care about them the father is just childish


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

If the father recognized the girl he has legal rights over her and the mother needs his permission to take her out of the country or move to another place , that could be a problem for you guys later on.

He may be attached to his daughter which would be understandable or he may just use the girl to get to the mother so be careful.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> We have been together a little over a year and we have known each other longer he actually never was married to her and has never had any legal proceedings regarding her so no fraternity has been established she's 2 yrs old and they don't have any interaction past the child as far as I know he has no control if you need more let me know


In Mexico, many couples never marry legally, but are still considered to be "married", like common law marriage in the States. However, if the father's name is not on the child's birth certificate, and this young woman and he have never lived together, and he doesn't help to support the child financially, then he probably has no legal right to keep the child in Mexico. I would suggest consulting a Mexican lawyer who specializes in cases like this one.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Citali is right he is using the baby to keep control over her I do know she has his last name but I do not know about the birth certificate I do believe they lived together but I'll have to ask I do not know what a lawyer would charge me or how to consult one


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Okay so he's on her birth certificate but they never lived together never married is it still impossible?


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> Okay so he's on her birth certificate but they never lived together never married is it still impossible?


Well, that means that he is legally the father and has some rights. You need to consult a lawyer post-haste!


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Did you know where I would find a reputable lawyer and one that has a high success rate


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> Did you know where I would find a reputable lawyer and one that has a high success rate


I don't know any lawyers in Mexico that specialize in cases like yours. You would need one who practices in the town where your girlfriend lives. If you give us that information, maybe another forum member will be able to help you.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Naranjos, Veracruz is where she lives like I said I would greatly appreciate any help I would do anything


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

She is the one who has to consult a lawyer not you. She knows if the father helps her or has ever helped her and what is the situation. She is the one who has to figure out how to get out from under the ex safely and amicably if possible. Your getting involve could infuriate the ex, and that is the last thing you both need.
She is teacher so she is an educated person so she needs to figure it out and when she knows what she can and cannot do . Stay away from that blackmail situation until it is resolved.
Do you live in Mexico now? Do you live in the same town or with her? Do you know the father? I do not need to know the answers but if you do be careful, it does not sound like a good situation for you .


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

No I do not live there as of right now I'll let her know how the situation needs to be handled from what I gather he helps a very little bit on expenses I'll have her settle the dispute and hope we can meet a resolution. It just bothers me how he uses the child to control her life and she has to struggle to care for her and the baby


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

After she speaks with a lawyer you may have a better idea of what is possible and what is not..


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Well everyone I appreciate the advice you have given me and I thank you for taking time out of your busy day to help a young soul trying to make it I hope you get many blessings and Merry Christmas wish me luck I'm going to need it I'll keep a lookout and watch my back


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> Well everyone I appreciate the advice you have given me and I thank you for taking time out of your busy day to help a young soul trying to make it I hope you get many blessings and Merry Christmas wish me luck I'm going to need it I'll keep a lookout and watch my back


You're very welcome! We wish you lots of luck. Please let us know how things turn out for you and your lady love.


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## Andreas_Montoya (Jan 12, 2013)

All things considered, the three of you would be better off in the states. 
More opportunity and a much better standard of life. As has been said, work if you are even allowed to will be very difficult to find unless you speak Spanish.


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

Andreas_Montoya said:


> All things considered, the three of you would be better off in the states. More opportunity and a much better standard of life. As has been said, work if you are even allowed to will be very difficult to find unless you speak Spanish.


Yeah, lets all of us go to the States!


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Yes I agree that if they came here it would be a much better life for us. I would be able to give them a comfortable living, my job here would be more than enough to sustain all of us. I would feel much better for them to be here so she wouldn't have to work for us to survive


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## Andreas_Montoya (Jan 12, 2013)

Personally I wouldn't be too concerned about the father or his rights as he has not cared enough about them to marry her or to support the child. I would focus on getting her and the child a green card and get them to the U.S. if you intend to marry this woman. If he doesn't support them now the chances of his hiring a lawyer are slim at the best. If you can get the child a green card either by marrying the mother or petitioning that she is your fiance just book a flight or drive down and get them. I would marry her in the U.S. if that is your intention. Here is some info on how to get her a green card.
Marrying a Citizen of Mexico? How to Get a Green Card for Your New Spouse | Nolo.com


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

What you are missing is that the child will need the signature of both his parents to get into the States or to get any type of papers so you are back to step one of having to deal with the father.

By the way we know nothing about the father and just because he does not pay anything for the child does not mean he does not have any money.

My maid was fathered by a rich man who gave her his name, he never paid one cent towatds anything and although he knows her and lives very close to the shack where she lives has never contributed one cent towards her welfare even when she needed it very badly. Cannot assume anything about people.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

Andreas_Montoya said:


> Personally I wouldn't be too concerned about the father or his rights as he has not cared enough about them to marry her or to support the child.


Actually, Andreas, we don't know if this woman wanted the father of her child to marry her, do we? We also don't know if he has been supporting them financially and spends time with his offspring.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

His 'support' has been very minimal and is not consistent as far as him seeing the child I don't think is often she spends more time with her momma and her grandparents his concern is trying to get back with her mom even though I am engaged with her


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Also he had no intentions on marrying her as he had cheated on her multiple times and spent no time with her out drinking and partying. She has proof of this as well.


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## Andreas_Montoya (Jan 12, 2013)

citlali said:


> What you are missing is that the child will need the signature of both his parents to get into the States or to get any type of papers so you are back to step one of having to deal with the father.


So the father died. There is always a way. I am thinking he will never sign his consent.


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

asdablade, lots of people in Mexico live together and have kids and never marry or sometimes marry 20 years later and many men fool around , and do not want to pay child support but they still have rights..unfortunately it is the way it is and this is why your friend has to see a lawyer and see if ther is anything she can do. She should find out where she and her daughter stands before making the next move.
So andreas you aar advising this couple to take the short cut pay for phony papers break the law in both countries so they can have their way..Nice way to start a marriage and a new life.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Sadly I don't think he will either he has a good job but he chooses to let them go without that's why I'm trying desperately for a solution I can't very well separate her from her child I will just have to try and get her over here if not I don't know what I can do


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

They have never lived together they were dating he got her pregnant and he ran off like I said I can't tell you everything because I don't know I'll have her explore her options and we can try to continue from there as far as phoney papers that doesn't seem like a viable option for us we want to be fully legal about this


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

You sound like a very nice and decent guy, hopefully the ex will find someone and forget about the whole thing and will sign off eventually or your fiance and the father will work out something once he realized he blew it and is worrying about something else... Meanwhile she can explore her options and you can find out what it will take for her to get into the US and start working on it.
Good luck to you both.


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## Andreas_Montoya (Jan 12, 2013)

I am just being realistic. Mexican men are very jealous and have a macho attitude, even if they are 4' 11" tall. I don't believe he will relinquish anything to a ******, just out of pride even if he doesn't provide for the child. He will probably never sign a notarized letter giving his permission to take the child put of the country. But does the child have his last name? They were never married so obviously he has no visitation rights granted. 

So. A 22 year old American who doesn't have a right to work here can move here and they can live on her salary under the cloud of an absent but controlling, jealous father.

Or, he can explore other possibilities of marriage and legal adoption. If I were in his shoes I would marry her and challenge custody/visitation of a father who has been absent and never married the mother. If he won't support his own daughter he probably won't pay a lawyer to contest anything. Still it would take a lawyer in Mexico to determine if he fails to appear does he lose any rights. 

I just feel if he moves here the father will never step up to support the child but will go out of his way to make life miserable for them.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I'm going to try and find a way for her here I have to find some way I understand that it may seem crazy but I care for her and her daughter and I would do anything for them to have a good and happy life it hurts me that someone I care about is miserable we've been through a lot together and I'm willing to fight for a good thing


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## citlali (Mar 4, 2013)

Good luck to you , hopefully it will work out eventually but you may have to be patient.


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## Andreas_Montoya (Jan 12, 2013)

If you can get her home in a fiance status and leave the child with her family, the process should be a lot quicker for her to get a visa than if you are married in Mexico. Then a legal adoption should settle the child issue. As I said if he fails to hire a lawyer he may relinquish any rights. You do need to consult a Mexican lawyer. Maybe LULAC can advise you.


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

asdablade said:


> Sadly I don't think he will either he has a good job but he chooses to let them go without that's why I'm trying desperately for a solution I can't very well separate her from her child I will just have to try and get her over here if not I don't know what I can do


You say that you love your fiancé and you love her daughter as if she was yours; 
Would you leave your daughter behind?
Do not even try to separate her from her daughter if you don't want to live in hell

Yours is a huge problem and I don't think you will be able to solve it, on second thought it's your fiancé's problem to solve. She has to hire a lawyer and work it out if, she wants to marry you
Most probably the child's father won't give up on this and if your loved one don't play it right, someone may end up in jail


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

As mentioned previously it is not my wish to do so I already plan to do just that have her hire a lawyer and see from there I'm not trying to be the bad guy here I just want them to be happy


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

asdablade said:


> As mentioned previously it is not my wish to do so I already plan to do just that have her hire a lawyer and see from there I'm not trying to be the bad guy here I just want them to be happy


There is not bad and good guys, there is just life happening 
Unfortunately for you, your loved one is ruled by different laws now
My best wishes to you


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## Meritorious-MasoMenos (Apr 17, 2014)

asdablade said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> Ive been looking through the forums for a solution to a problem. I need to know if there is some way i can be with a woman who lives in mexico i am in the us, she has a child from a previous relationship and he wont let her take the child with her to live here. So, i have decided to try and move over there to be with her i am 22 years old and am willing to go through what it takes!! Thanks for any helpful advise
> 
> PS: I am very good with computers would starting a business be a viable option or can we do it through marriage?She is a mexican national.


You'll never take my advice, but download and save it for 20 years in the future so you can smack your head: Go on a nice long trip by yourself. Go to Europe or Asia for six months to get perspective. After a few months, date a pretty German girl or a pretty Thai girl or even a pretty Mexican girl living in Paris. Then see what you feel like.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

Does the lady have a father and some brothers & cousins who could pay a convincing visit to the uncooperative person and solve the problem in a very traditional manner? It may come to that, but the OP should definitely stay north of the border until the problem is resolved.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I'm going to let them resolve that to their own accord trust me I'm not getting involved in family affairs


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> I'm going to let them resolve that to their own accord trust me I'm not getting involved in family affairs


What does your fiancée have to say about the difficult situation you two find yourselves in? Has she offered any concrete solutions?


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

The only way she sees it happening if she can get him to sign papers or if she takes him to court and pray we win. I really love her and we will get through these obstacles if we strive for a solution. I understand the monumental problem before us but some may think it's just young love but I'm dedicated to this woman I know how hard life may be but quitting is not an option for me.


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## Howler (Apr 22, 2013)

*Unanswered Questions & Red Flags!!*



asdablade said:


> ...we've been through a lot together...


Okay... I've read all the comments in this thread, but two (2) important questions remain unanswered:

1) *Have you ever spent time with her IN-PERSON?* I don't see an indication that you have gone to Mexico; and her employment & problems with the child's father lead me to believe that she has never been to the US to meet or be with you. How did you meet?

2) *Do you speak Spanish?* (...or does she speak English?) Obviously you are communicating with her, but through what linguistic dynamics? This may also highly affect the information coming through to you, depending on how it is filtered / interpreted for you especially if it all comes to you through a third party.

There's a lot of good advice in this thread for the situation that you have laid out... but only if it is a real & true situation. Still, there are more red flags here that I haven't even touched on... such as I wouldn't consider a K-1 (fiance) visa for her, either - whether she took the baby with her or not... _especially if she "left" her child in Mexico_; at least not until you have known her better, in-person, and have personally verified all the facts & circumstances of the situation. I'm not trying to rain on your hopeful expectations, but you must consider the possibility of a scam or hoax here. They happen, they can be very cruel - and the worst ones play on the better or more humanitarian parts of our human nature.

*BE VERY CAREFUL!!!* Verify before you trust anything over a long distance such as this, especially if it involves different cultures and if you haven't had much or any personal contact with one another.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

Howler said:


> Okay... I've read all the comments in this thread, but two (2) important questions remain unanswered:
> 
> 1) *Have you ever spent time with her IN-PERSON?* I don't see an indication that you have gone to Mexico; and her employment & problems with the child's father lead me to believe that she has never been to the US to meet or be with you. How did you meet?


Here's a quote from a post made by the OP on December 26:



> We have spent some considerable time together she's a great person and I love her daughter like she's my own I wouldn't go through the trouble if they weren't worth it I truly care about them the father is just childish


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

We communicate in English. She has a masters in teaching English, she may not be 100% but anything she has to convey to me she does very well so communication is not an issue. I know I'm not being scammed because it's not just to get citizenship, honestly she doesn't really care where we were. I think her preference would be to be there but I could give her a much better life here and I told her that. We've established trust is just getting over the obstacles.


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

So, HOW MUCH TIME have you spent in person with her? Remember the Notre Dame Linebacker, Teo, and his "internet" fiancée, which was actually one of his guy friends? Surely, you can not be that naïve, can you? People here have tried to help you, and the general census seems to be that it ain't never going to happen, so move on. If you do not open your eyes and ears, that is your choice, but I don't believe anyone here can help you any more. Ball in YOUR court. Good luck.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I do understand I don't think it's going to end well if I continue with this not because of our situations there's a lot of things that bother me about this person I have notice that she is not completely honest and now I am really starting to see red flags something has changed and I thought it was just my imagination I'm not as naive as you may think. Even since my last post I've noticed things that don't sit well. I appreciate everyone's help and advice I have come to a conclusion!


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> I do understand I don't think it's going to end well if I continue with this not because of our situations there's a lot of things that bother me about this person I have notice that she is not completely honest and now I am really starting to see red flags something has changed and I thought it was just my imagination I'm not as naive as you may think. Even since my last post I've noticed things that don't sit well. I appreciate everyone's help and advice I have come to a conclusion!


Sorry to hear about the red flags, but it may be for the best. I don't mean to sound like your mother (actually grandmother!), but you are young and have plenty of time to find a good woman to settle down with. If you follow your instincts, even more than your heart, I feel sure you will make a wise decision. 

Just out of curiosity, how did you meet this woman? No need to answer if you'd rather not let us know.

Good luck and Happy New Year!


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

You've done this much for me so far so I can oblige well after my relationship two years prior to meeting her I figured I would take a break and focus on my work and school one day a friend of mine basically set us up at first she was sweet and kind and I simply adored the little one and we were friends for some time she understood that I wasn't ready for a relationship but I went to see her and something sparked and that has all led up to this point I assumed this was possible because my stepmother is an immigrant and they said that it will find a way but now I believe she may be deceiving me and I don't want to risk it it breaks my heart because me and the little one have grown close but she's young she'll forget


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> You've done this much for me so far so I can oblige well after my relationship two years prior to meeting her I figured I would take a break and focus on my work and school one day a friend of mine basically set us up at first she was sweet and kind and I simply adored the little one and we were friends for some time she understood that I wasn't ready for a relationship but I went to see her and something sparked and that has all led up to this point I assumed this was possible because my stepmother is an immigrant and they said that it will find a way but now I believe she may be deceiving me and I don't want to risk it it breaks my heart because me and the little one have grown close but she's young she'll forget


A friend set you up with her? On line? Had your friend ever met her in person? It sounds like the now all-too-common story of unscrupulous people, both men and women, using the internet to meet and deceive nice but naïve people (like you) into relationships based on their needs and interests, not yours.


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## TurtleToo (Aug 23, 2013)

> but now I believe she may be deceiving me and I don't want to risk it it breaks my heart because me and the little one have grown close but she's young she'll forget


I'm sorry to hear that things are not what you hoped, Asdablade. While you faced enormous challenges and difficulties as a couple, it is even more difficult--and much sadder--to find that your relationship is not what you thought it was. Best wishes to you in the coming new year.

.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I don't think he has met her I've long stopped talking to him we started talking online Skype and everything but we spent a lot of time together I was on a FMM and she was nice not something I'm used to which may have blinded me and the baby was really sweet but what she was wanting me to do is save up enough money and she would get property for the visa but it made me suspicious and she would be talking to others and when I ask she would lie so I'm going to end it what did it was I showed her the posts from here and she went nuts.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> . . . so I'm going to end it what did it was I showed her the posts from here and she went nuts.


So she went nuts, did she? The sign of a guilty conscience, I fear!


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## Howler (Apr 22, 2013)

*Still seeing RED!!*



Isla Verde said:


> Here's a quote from a post made by the OP on December 26:
> 
> Quote:
> We have spent some considerable time together she's a great person and I love her daughter like she's my own I wouldn't go through the trouble if they weren't worth it I truly care about them the father is just childish


Yes, I saw it, too...



coondawg said:


> So, HOW MUCH TIME have you spent in person with her? Remember the Notre Dame Linebacker, Teo, and his "internet" fiancée, which was actually one of his guy friends? Surely, you can not be that naïve, can you? People here have tried to help you, and the general census seems to be that it ain't never going to happen, so move on. If you do not open your eyes and ears, that is your choice, but I don't believe anyone here can help you any more. Ball in YOUR court. Good luck.


But again, the OP has not said how much time he has spent with his intended IN-PERSON. For all we know, the time they've spent together so far could all be online by Skype or on the phone... but not in person. I have not seen any indication that he has made a trip from the US to Mexico. He said that he has computer skills with which he could provide a decent life for them... which leads me to believe that maybe he met her online, and that all of their communication has been online.

Here's another red flag:



asdablade said:


> We communicate in English. She has a masters in teaching English, she may not be 100% but anything she has to convey to me she does very well so communication is not an issue. I know I'm not being scammed because it's not just to get citizenship, honestly she doesn't really care where we were. I think her preference would be to be there but I could give her a much better life here and I told her that. We've established trust is just getting over the obstacles.


C'mon, how many other members of the forum have been through Naranjos, Veracruz? I have been through & even have stopped there for gas on various occasions in my travels down there - and it doesn't impress me as a place where ANYONE could make a living teaching English. It's not much more than a bump in the road with topes! If she has a masters in English, she should / would be teaching or working with it in a bigger place where it would be needed or used.



asdablade said:


> I do understand I don't think it's going to end well if I continue with this not because of our situations there's a lot of things that bother me about this person I have notice that she is not completely honest and now I am really starting to see red flags something has changed and I thought it was just my imagination I'm not as naive as you may think. Even since my last post I've noticed things that don't sit well. I appreciate everyone's help and advice I have come to a conclusion!


NOW, the OP is starting to have doubts (after previously having "established trust")... Furthermore, I can only wonder how much money he has already sent to help her over the course of their "courtship". By creating a need or sympathy scammers use these and other ways to hook & reel in the gullible by giving them a sense of "investment" of themselves in the scam.

I may be completely wrong or off-base in my assumptions, but my questions & concerns do bear consideration and are worthy of being answered before the OP goes further with this situation. We, as experienced members of the forum, know of the dangers down there and the difficult economic situation for even the educated regular people. I would hate to see the OP or anyone else get into a dangerous situation because going blindly into a situation like this... not without ALL the information needed to make sure they are not being scammed, or set up for something worse.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

Howler said:


> Here's another red flag:
> 
> C'mon, how many other members of the forum have been through Naranjos, Veracruz? I have been through & even have stopped there for gas on various occasions in my travels down there - and it doesn't impress me as a place where ANYONE could make a living teaching English. It's not much more than a bump in the road with topes! If she has a masters in English, she should / would be teaching or working with it in a bigger place where it would be needed or used.


I googled Naranjos, Veracruz, and found out that it is a very small town of around 20,000 people, according to the 2010 census. It may be a bit more than a bump in the road with topes (cute description!) but not much more than that and quite likely a place a young single mother with ambitions for her life would want to leave.


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## Howler (Apr 22, 2013)

Man, this thread has run faster than my ability to type & keep up!!

I may have exaggerated how small Nananjos is, but the whole thing still doesn't ring completely true to me. If you (the OP) actually met & spent time with her while on an FMM, that was more than I expected or deduced from your previous posts. I can understand how the personal contact makes this all the more difficult to be objective in deciding what to do. It's a big decision with a lot on the line for you (and her, too). However, time is still on your side before committing yourself. If the situation is difficult for you because of her ex, then it is probably more so for anyone else who lives there near her.

The best advice I've seen on here, besides my suspicion-filled posts, is to go with your gut instinct instead of your heart. It looks like that is starting to help you make sense of what to do. Again, be very careful and verify everything you can before deciding anything. Like "Isla Verde" said, you are still young and will have plenty of time to find an ideal woman & situation. As difficult & painful as such a process can be, once accomplished it will be so worth it for you and the young lady with whom you decide to make your life.

Good luck, I (and the others on here) sincerely wish the best for you!


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

At least I can say this much she hasn't gotten anything I work hard for my money I am NOT going to give it to someone unless I am living with them she's in that area because she lives with family and I went there on a 180 day card I spent about 4 months there I might be young but I am not foolish I won't be losing anything on this but time which is sad in itself


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## Howler (Apr 22, 2013)

Isla Verde said:


> I googled Naranjos, Veracruz, and found out that it is a very small town of around 20,000 people, according to the 2010 census. It may be a bit more than a bump in the road with topes (cute description!) but not much more than that and quite likely a place a young single mother with ambitions for her life would want to leave.


Good work on your part! I have been there & agree that it is a place that most anybody who is educated or ambitious would want to leave. I'm sure the OP saw that for himself. I've known several people (from there) here in the US who felt that way and did just that. Sadly, one in particular, went back to die in the care of her family when her MS progressed beyond her ability to care for herself here in the US.

Because of the desperate economy and the lack of opportunities for progress in Naranjos and so many other places in Mexico - bigger & smaller - scams (some transparent & others more sophisticated) are on the rise as a way to bring in money they can't otherwise earn, or to get out of there for good. Either way & unfortunately, it leaves someone else (or more) on the hook for the cost of doing so.


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## Howler (Apr 22, 2013)

asdablade said:


> At least I can say this much she hasn't gotten anything I work hard for my money I am NOT going to give it to someone unless I am living with them she's in that area because she lives with family and I went there on a 180 day card I spent about 4 months there I might be young but I am not foolish I won't be losing anything on this but time which is sad in itself


Okay, so far, so good. Your having stayed there for 4 months with her gives you much more with which to make a decision than the rest of us can contribute to that process. Beyond that, there are other things to consider once & if you decide to marry her reference bringing her & child here to the states. Marriage is difficult enough, but to add different cultures, a strange country & a child to the mix only makes it more of a challenge. Add international laws in favor of a biological father's right to see his child, and it can all get even more complicated in this case.

I, and others on here, can attest to the fact that just speaking each other's language is not enough to overcome differences arising from having been raised in different countries & cultures. Fortunately, many of us here have done so and have long & fulfilling marriages to show for it. Again, be careful in how & what you choose to do in this situation, or any others that may arise like it.

I don't know what has begun to change that has aroused your suspicions (beyond our questions), but I can only speculate how angry & hurt most women (and men) in a relationship could get when they feel doubted or that they are being questioned / interrogated about their love or loyalty. This is a very delicate process even under the best of circumstances. Hopefully you saw all you needed to make your best decision in this matter - just go back over it all, carefully, and verify anything else that you feel needs to be proved or explained. Another trip down there may be in order to be sure of yourself before making a final decision... there IS time.

If all is as you have favorably stated about her, then the main obstacle I can see in all of this is in dealing with her ex (the child's father). This could be a very difficult thing to resolve, but it can be accomplished if handled carefully & properly. First, get the air cleared of everything else that has been posited here, then we can all discuss the "ex factor" more clearly. Again, good luck!


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## NinjaSk8ter (Apr 4, 2013)

Howler said:


> Yes, I saw it, too...
> it doesn't impress me as a place where ANYONE could make a living teaching English


You can't just go to Mexico and teach English on a whim. You need a Celta. Trust me, I got one! (good english). My question is, why not simply go to Mexico to visit on a Tourist Visa? Why run-off and get married when none of the ground-work is even made?


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Yeah we talked about it and everything is going okay it is true you need a celta and good credentials to get a somewhat decent job now we are going to try and get married here and see if that will push the father to make a decision.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

asdablade said:


> Yeah we talked about it and everything is going okay it is true you need a celta and good credentials to get a somewhat decent job now we are going to try and get married here and see if that will push the father to make a decision.


It might possibly push him into trying to take custody of the child. Remember; it is a macho culture. You could then end up married, unable to stay in Mexico.................then what? It could be unhealthy for you to stay in that part of Mexico anyway. Have you considered that? You aren‘t in Kansas any more, Toto.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

RVGRINGO said:


> It might possibly push him into trying to take custody of the child. Remember; it is a macho culture. You could then end up married, unable to stay in Mexico.................then what? It could be unhealthy for you to stay in that part of Mexico anyway. Have you considered that? You aren‘t in Kansas any more, Toto.


If the OP does marry his fiancée, I would hope that he has the support of her family.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I have the full support of her family they are nice to me and treat me well I have to give it the best I have


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

asdablade said:


> I have the full support of her family they are nice to me and treat me well I have to give it the best I have


I hope they'll help protect you physically if the father of your fiancée's child comes after you once you've married your sweetheart. :fingerscrossed:


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

they say I am family and they wouldn't let any harm come to me they want the best for us her mom simply adores me


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

asdablade said:


> they say I am family and they wouldn't let any harm come to me they want the best for us her mom simply adores me


Not Trying to be nasty, but, do you really believe what people tell you?


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

GARYJ65 said:


> Not Trying to be nasty, but, do you really believe what people tell you?


Gary, are you saying that his girlfriend's family are not being totally honest with him?


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## coondawg (May 1, 2014)

Or, are you saying that you can't trust what a Mexican says to an extranjero?


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

Isla Verde said:


> Gary, are you saying that his girlfriend's family are not being totally honest with him?


I'm saying that he believes the mother adores him...
And they tell him nothing will happen to him, are they bodyguards? Will they be after him all day?
They have not been able to solve the daughter's problem, so, I would not believe all they say


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## GARYJ65 (Feb 9, 2013)

coondawg said:


> Or, are you saying that you can't trust what a Mexican says to an extranjero?


That too
Works both ways, extranjeros have not been very honest to Mexicans either


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## TundraGreen (Jul 15, 2010)

GARYJ65 said:


> I'm saying that he believes the mother adores him...
> And they tell him nothing will happen to him, are they bodyguards? Will they be after him all day?
> They have not been able to solve the daughter's problem, so, I would not believe all they say


I agree with Gary. They may be very fond of him, but I am not sure that is very relevant or a very good predictor of how they might behave in future situations.


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## ojosazules11 (Nov 3, 2013)

coondawg said:


> Or, are you saying that you can't trust what a Mexican says to an extranjero?


Personally, I base my trust on what someone is telling me not on their nationality or mine, but on the person I'm dealing with, be they from Mexico, Canada, U.S., China, Germany, Afghanistan, etc. etc. How well I know them is another factor informing my trust level. The context also makes a difference - I'm hardly going to believe everything a vendor in the market tells me, even less so the sob story of someone who presents as down and out and needs money for some very sad (but often unbelievable) crisis. At times I have helped people in the latter situation anyway, knowing full well the details were likely invented, but also able to see that they were in great need for whatever reason.

In terms of my family in Mexico (my husband's family), I -- like the original poster -- do believe they truly love me and they do not see or treat me as a means to an end. Same for our close Mexican friends. In terms of trust, some I trust absolutely, others I take with a grain (or bushel) of salt - as does my husband, even though they're his family. There are plenty of people NOB who fall in the same "can't be trusted" category - I suspect even in Texas. 

As an aside, I think if in the early years of my then-long-distance relationship with my husband I had asked advice on a forum such as this, I would have gotten a lot of the same reactions as the OP. If I had posted personal details of our situation and my (now) husband had realized, he, too, would have gotten angry, as the OP's fiancée did. (And as I might have if the tables were turned.) Fortunately my story had (and continues to have) a very happy ending.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

I asked her if she would be okay with me asking the question and explaining our situation she was fine with it she just did not like some of the answers I told her that I will give it my best shot before I would give up


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## TurtleToo (Aug 23, 2013)

> In terms of my family in Mexico (my husband's family), I -- like the original poster -- do believe they truly love me and they do not see or treat me as a means to an end. Same for our close Mexican friends. In terms of trust, some I trust absolutely, others I take with a grain (or bushel) of salt - as does my husband, even though they're his family.


Just within my own family in the US, there is a huge range of trustworthiness. Some individuals I trust without reservation, and I know I can count on no matter what. Others are devious and dishonest, motivated only by their own self-interest. And one of them can't be allowed in my house unsupervised, unless I am prepared to have fewer possessions after he departs. 

.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

TurtleToo said:


> . . . Others are devious and dishonest, motivated only by their own self-interest. And one of them can't be allowed in my house unsupervised, unless I am prepared to have fewer possessions after he departs.
> 
> .


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## TJGUY (Jan 5, 2016)

Where at in Mexico does she live? What City?


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Naranjos ,Veracruz


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## TJGUY (Jan 5, 2016)

asdablade said:


> Naranjos ,Veracruz


Okay. You are going to have a difficult time here. The following are some of the options available to you.

1. First find out if the child is "reconocido por el papa" If the child has been legally claimed by the father then only my last option is open to you. If the child has not then you can marry the woman through a civil union and then adopt the child then immigrate them both.

2. If the child has been recognized by the father then you could move to Tijuana and live with her and cross the border to work in San Diego.

I do not recommend any of these options. I would recommend meeting someone without the baggage.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

TJGUY said:


> Okay. You are going to have a difficult time here. The following are some of the options available to you.
> 
> 1. First find out if the child is "reconocido por el papa" If the child has been legally claimed by the father then only my last option is open to you. If the child has not then you can marry the woman through a civil union and then adopt the child then immigrate them both.
> 
> ...


In an earlier post, the OP told us that the father's name is on the child's birth certificate.


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## TJGUY (Jan 5, 2016)

asdablade said:


> Citali is right he is using the baby to keep control over her I do know she has his last name but I do not know about the birth certificate I do believe they lived together but I'll have to ask I do not know what a lawyer would charge me or how to consult one


Actually he is not sure of the father's legal standing. We must view the Birth Certificate.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

> Originally Posted by asdablade
> Citali is right he is using the baby to keep control over her I do know she has his last name but I do not know about the birth certificate I do believe they lived together but I'll have to ask I do not know what a lawyer would charge me or how to consult one.





TJGUY said:


> Actually he is not sure of the father's legal standing. We must view the Birth Certificate.


I feel pretty sure that if the child has his father's last name, then the father's name is on the birth certificate. However, you're right to say that the only way to know for sure is to have a look at it.


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## 1083922 (Dec 25, 2015)

Heres what i know He's on her birth certificate, never lived together, no marriage of any form I understand he has rights we are gonna see what happens if its not possible at least I tried


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