# Funerals in Spain



## Guest

I was going to PM someone to ask about this, but thought the answer(s) could be of use to others here in the future.

My OH's grandfather is in a bad state now, and I might be having to attend a funeral soon. For those of you have "been there, done that" is there anything out of the christian anglo-saxon tradition I should expect? There's many subtle differences here in Spain, and a funeral is the last place that I want to _meter la pata*_. I was going to ask my coworkers, but I didn't want sympathy or to sound too morbid. 

Thanks in advance for any help. 






(*stick my foot in it/screw up)


----------



## gus-lopez

Unfortunately in the 8 years I've lived here I've been to more than I ever went in the UK. First thing is paying respects at the tanatorio ( open 24 hrs/day, cafeteria, food machines , etc.), coffin is open ( normally ) behind a glass screen, family are present & you pay your respects. Following day, service at the tanatorio then follow the cortege to the cemetario, where the person is interred, normally with their spouse if they have already died. On the way out you pay your respects again to the family. At the service the Priest will tell you the date/time of the celebration mass that is held a few days later. 
The first one I went too I went as I would to an English funeral & I looked like one of the undertakers, :lol: Everyone else was in all sorts of colourful outfits , not too many ties about either . The 'paying your respects' & the celebration of life mass , which is in the evening , appears to be the important parts as many people here ,excepting family, can't get to the funeral with work commitments. People will turn up to pay there respects in what they were wearing at work, even if it was out in the fields !
I turned off my phone, as I do in the drs; hospital, etc; only to find that even in the tanatorio the Spanish just take the calls or start texting. One even rang during a service once. :lol:

I don't think you can put your foot in it if you go & conduct yourself like you would @ a funeral in the states or UK. 
I have been to one where the person was going to be cremated, exactly the same, except after the service in the tanatorio the coffin went for cremation & everyone just left from the tanatorioafter paying their respects to the family.
During the mass for the celebration of life ( you'll know this if you're catholic ! ), one thing caught me out the first time was where you give thanks for being alive by shaking hands with men a kissing the women around you in the church. I make sure now I'm with all the younger ones ! :lol:


----------



## Joppa

gus-lopez said:


> During the mass for the celebration of life ( you'll know this if you're catholic ! ), one thing caught me out the first time was where you give thanks for being alive by shaking hands with men a kissing the women around you in the church. I make sure now I'm with all the younger ones ! :lol:


It's the exchange of the Peace (Pax in Latin, Paz in Spanish) in every celebration of the Mass, not just at requiem or funeral, where in response to the priest's or deacon's invitation, you exchange peace with people around you, usually by shaking hands or kissing. You can say 'Peace' or 'la paz' as you do so.


----------



## Pesky Wesky

Unfortunately I've been to a few funerals, almost all in the Bilbao area. 
I've never been to the tanatorio, and neither has OH even though they were mostly his close relatives, so I guess it depends on the family and the area. 
I've only ever seen the coffin once which was when his grandmother was buried in the family plot which was very unusual as she wasn't cremated.
I guess what I've been to is the religious ceremony after the cremation which is the *funeral*. After that (or before??) is the *entierro* which is the burial. But I'm talking about a mass on the day following the death. Perhaps the coffins were there, I don't remember...
There's a lot of stuff that I didn't know about, (like the shaking of the hands bit) but I'm never sure if that's because I'm not at all religious, or if it's Catholic which I don't know anything about, or if it's Spain and the logical conclusion is that's it's a mix of all three.
Another couple of things, when someone dies they're usually buried the next day so there's no hanging around. And you may be required to go to church several times after the funeral because the deceased is named in I don't know how many subsequent masses.
If anybody has info about non religious burials I would very much appreciate info. You can PM me if you think it's not appropriate to post here.


----------



## Guest

Is there anything I should expect, being "close" family? My OH and I are currently living with his parents, so I'm in this big time. Will we be in the tanatorio until the burial? I was in another catholic country where the immediate family stayed with the body the whole time between the death and the burial. 

Again, thank you to all of you who have given their advice. This is a silly thing to ask about, but I'm not going to ask coworkers and can't ask the family.


----------



## JBODEN

Pesky Wesky said:


> ... because the deceased is named in I don't know how many subsequent masses.


If it's anything like Poland the reason that the deceased is mentioned in subsequent masses is because the family pays the priest to do so.


----------



## Joppa

JBODEN said:


> If it's anything like Poland the reason that the deceased is mentioned in subsequent masses is because the family pays the priest to do so.


Yes, it's customary for family, friends and relatives to ask a priest to say Mass for the deceased, and pay a stipend. In UK it's around £10 but I don't know what the going rate is in Spain. It can be said at any time after death, but commonly around the time of the funeral (burial or cremation), a week after death (week's mind), a month after (month's mind) and yearly (year's mind), plus All Souls day (Nov 2nd).


----------



## Pesky Wesky

JBODEN said:


> If it's anything like Poland the reason that the deceased is mentioned in subsequent masses is because the family pays the priest to do so.


Yes, I thought it was paid, but didn't like to say so as i wasn't sure...


----------



## JBODEN

All souls is 1st Nov isn't it (the day after Halloween)?


----------



## Joppa

JBODEN said:


> All souls is 1st Nov isn't it (the day after Halloween)?


Halloween (All Hallows Eve) - 31st Oct
All Saints - Todos los Santos - 1st Nov
All Souls - Día de los Muertos - 2nd Nov


----------



## Pesky Wesky

JBODEN said:


> All souls is 1st Nov isn't it (the day after Halloween)?


Yes!
My birthday is the 31st October, then All Souls, then Husband's birthday!


----------



## JBODEN

Joppa said:


> Halloween (All Hallows Eve) - 31st Oct
> All Saints - Todos los Santos - 1st Nov
> All Souls - Día de los Muertos - 2nd Nov


ah!


----------



## Pesky Wesky

Joppa said:


> Halloween (All Hallows Eve) - 31st Oct
> All Saints - Todos los Santos - 1st Nov
> All Souls - Día de los Muertos - 2nd Nov


That's it! 
We're a pretty Scary couple!!


----------



## gus-lopez

halydia said:


> Is there anything I should expect, being "close" family? My OH and I are currently living with his parents, so I'm in this big time. Will we be in the tanatorio until the burial? I was in another catholic country where the immediate family stayed with the body the whole time between the death and the burial.
> 
> Again, thank you to all of you who have given their advice. This is a silly thing to ask about, but I'm not going to ask coworkers and can't ask the family.


No normally some stay overnight , i.e. sons or daughters of the deceased , possibly grandchildren depends how close, but they don't all stay; well not here anyway. Might be different up there.


----------



## Tallulah

halydia said:


> Is there anything I should expect, being "close" family? My OH and I are currently living with his parents, so I'm in this big time. Will we be in the tanatorio until the burial? I was in another catholic country where the immediate family stayed with the body the whole time between the death and the burial.
> 
> Again, thank you to all of you who have given their advice. This is a silly thing to ask about, but I'm not going to ask coworkers and can't ask the family.


It's not a silly thing to ask at all, Halydia.

This was not the nicest of introductions to the extended family, but before OH and I married, his father died and we had to make an emergency flight for the funeral. On arriving at the airport, we were taken immediately to the tanatorio and spent the entire night there (dad was in an open coffin behind glass screen). Before the funeral the next day, we managed to get home quickly for a quick shower and change. This is because they are usually interred within 24 hours after death. Obviously this can be extended if for example there is a problem with other family members travelling from further afield, but 24 hours appears to be the norm here. Throughout all the night there were lots of family, friends, friends of friends, those who knew friends of friends rolleyes: you know how it is, people going just to be seen that they've attended) just popping in to pay their respects and give their "pesame" to the widow/family.

There was a brief mass, then we walked following the hearse through the village with the congregation to the cemetary. The following day the "funeral" was held - as has been mentioned, the celebration mass. Usually on the first anniversary of their death a memorial mass is held as well (in Gallego, cabo do ano).

We don't normally hold the wake side of things after - ie drinks and buffet at the deceased family's home, but it's not unknown to gather the close family for something after the burial.

Again, we've always dressed very formally for these occasions, always black but as has been commented upon, you get some very casual dressers. I think it's disrepectful to attend dressed casually (especially some have been seen in ripped jeans and trainers) but there you go. I think what I find incredibly disrespectful is the amount of people standing around outside the church chatting very loudly/laughing etc so you can actually hear them quite clearly during the mass. It's not been unknown for one of the family to pop outside and to tell them to shut up. Again, it's really those who are going just to be seen that they've at least attended. Hypocritical really.


Tallulah.x

I'd just play it by ear, Halydia. Just be aware of what COULD happen, but it might be the case that you'll just be there for a while at the tanatorio paying your respects and it may not be necessary for you to stay the entire time. Even the children of the deceased may not remain there for the whole night??


----------



## gus-lopez

Here the cut -off point is 11p.m. If they die before then it's burial within 24 hrs & if they die after then you have the choice of within 24hrs or the following day.


----------



## SueBrown

*funerals in Spain*



halydia said:


> I was going to PM someone to ask about this, but thought the answer(s) could be of use to others here in the future.
> 
> My OH's grandfather is in a bad state now, and I might be having to attend a funeral soon. For those of you have "been there, done that" is there anything out of the christian anglo-saxon tradition I should expect? There's many subtle differences here in Spain, and a funeral is the last place that I want to _meter la pata*_. I was going to ask my coworkers, but I didn't want sympathy or to sound too morbid.
> 
> Thanks in advance for any help.
> (*stick my foot in it/screw up)


At the request of his family, I recently conducted a funeral for a friend here in Fuerteventura, in the local crematorium. I was very surprised to find that there was a life size statue of Christ on the cross and an altar at the front, as I was expecting a much more non- religious setting. From what I can gather the other option is a full blown Catholic mass in the church which all the locals (men anyway) will attend. This may be our rather traditional island's way and not typical of mainland Spain, but it is still a very religious country. I hope this is helpful
Sue


----------

