# Divorce of Singapore PR Father - Advise needed..!!!



## Adam.Sg

Hello Guys, 

I am Adam, Singapore PR, Indian national living in Sg for 6-7 yrs. I am married to Singaporean local. 

I am facing some serious marital and social issues cause of my wife's loner nature, unacceptable behavior and egoistic mentality. 

Its been 5 year now. I feel I am been used as scapegoat (to settle her social and financial obligations), tortured emotionally, mentally and totally cut off with my parents, close friends and also with her siblings and rest of her family too. 

We have HDB house under her name since we bought using her cpf money and some cash I have paid around SGD 50k. 

I have 2 kids. I love them lot. I am worried if I file divorced, my parental rights will be taken away. 

I want to seek advise on below points: 

1) If I apply for divorce, will I lose my parental right to my kids. 

2) Will my PR will be revoked as I applied PR under Singapore spouse scheme, of course I was working that time and my employer company did gave letter of recommendation to ICA during PR process. 

3) Is there any agency or local body who can advise me on domestic violence issues? I am been tortured mentally and threaten physically all along 5 yrs of marriage. 

4) What could be the worst thing happen in my divorce? I am not interested in house. its ok if she have it. I am willing to lose everything but my parental rights. I want to be around my kids and watch them grow. 

All I want is happiness in life, we all have a right to live happily and peacefully but my rights were taken away because of one persons egoistic nature and pathetic mentality. I think I should speak out. 

Please advise me. 

Thanks and Regards, 

Adam


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## Havoline

I think your PR will not be revoked. Parental rights issue best discuss with local divorce lawyer. Govt agencies incharge should be MCYS, everything for children is that agency.


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## simonsays

Go to MCYS - they have qualified counsellors to advice the best recourse .. as I saw when a friend of mine has similar issues.

BTW, it was an eye opener, as the family court was not like a court - it was like a board room meeting


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## JWilliamson

*Question*



Adam.Sg said:


> Hello Guys,
> 
> I am Adam, Singapore PR, Indian national living in Sg for 6-7 yrs. I am married to Singaporean local.
> 
> I am facing some serious marital and social issues cause of my wife's loner nature, unacceptable behavior and egoistic mentality.
> 
> Its been 5 year now. I feel I am been used as scapegoat (to settle her social and financial obligations), tortured emotionally, mentally and totally cut off with my parents, close friends and also with her siblings and rest of her family too.
> 
> We have HDB house under her name since we bought using her cpf money and some cash I have paid around SGD 50k.
> 
> I have 2 kids. I love them lot. I am worried if I file divorced, my parental rights will be taken away.
> 
> I want to seek advise on below points:
> 
> 1) If I apply for divorce, will I lose my parental right to my kids.
> 
> 2) Will my PR will be revoked as I applied PR under Singapore spouse scheme, of course I was working that time and my employer company did gave letter of recommendation to ICA during PR process.
> 
> 3) Is there any agency or local body who can advise me on domestic violence issues? I am been tortured mentally and threaten physically all along 5 yrs of marriage.
> 
> 4) What could be the worst thing happen in my divorce? I am not interested in house. its ok if she have it. I am willing to lose everything but my parental rights. I want to be around my kids and watch them grow.
> 
> All I want is happiness in life, we all have a right to live happily and peacefully but my rights were taken away because of one persons egoistic nature and pathetic mentality. I think I should speak out.
> 
> Please advise me.
> 
> Thanks and Regards,
> 
> Adam


Hello Adam , what did you mean by "wife's loner nature, unacceptable behavior and egoistic mentality"? Ive been dating an Asian woman and i find her enjoyment of being alone quite interesting and somewhat bother some. She enjoys being alone as much or more than being around people. JW. P.S. Ive also meet other Asian women who can esily be alone and their main goals are shopping or working and after work they can just stay in a very tiny flat watching a computer.


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## simonsays

JWilliamson said:


> Hello Adam , what did you mean by "wife's loner nature, unacceptable behavior and egoistic mentality"? Ive been dating an Asian woman and i find her enjoyment of being alone quite interesting and somewhat bother some. She enjoys being alone as much or more than being around people. JW. P.S. Ive also meet other Asian women who can esily be alone and their main goals are shopping or working and after work they can just stay in a very tiny flat watching a computer.


Hi JW, not to poke my nose in, but - maybe something we may not know or the TS doesn't feel comfortable sharing.

I have come across some people, in my counselling processes, where some people do things which seems seems abnormal to others, but perfectly normal to the person in question - such as going and sitting by themselves alone, or just both ears plugged with a headset eyes glued to a PSP or Ipod Touch .. Tough to judge and it's not fair to sterotype as 'all asian women .. '  

I had a situation, where a girl used to come home, and then go and sit in front of the tv, and totally become invisible to her surroundings .. and her ears clogged with a stereo set .. I wisely never bothered to ask how it is possible to have the ears clogged and watch tv at the same time.

I should dash to my foxhole and hunker down . .


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## JWilliamson

*Understood*



ecureilx said:


> Hi JW, not to poke my nose in, but - maybe something we may not know or the TS doesn't feel comfortable sharing.
> 
> I have come across some people, in my counselling processes, where some people do things which seems seems abnormal to others, but perfectly normal to the person in question - such as going and sitting by themselves alone, or just both ears plugged with a headset eyes glued to a PSP or Ipod Touch .. Tough to judge and it's not fair to sterotype as 'all asian women .. '
> 
> I had a situation, where a girl used to come home, and then go and sit in front of the tv, and totally become invisible to her surroundings .. and her ears clogged with a stereo set .. I wisely never bothered to ask how it is possible to have the ears clogged and watch tv at the same time.
> 
> I should dash to my foxhole and hunker down . .


I didnt mean all Asian women but since moving to Hong Kong and meeting mostly Asian women then im saying the Asian women that i have met. JW


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## simonsays

JW: ALERT ALERT: DOn't ignore my smileys


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## JWilliamson

Im cool and not taking anything in a bad mood. Im here to learn and share. Thanks! JW


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## Adam.Sg

Hi Williamson.. I am not very sure how to explain.. maybe this will help.. most of the time she is not in a mood to talk with anyone including me.. she always has bad relations with her friends, siblings and also with her parents.. never ever show any interest to see any of my friends or my family / parents during festival or function.. if i force her we will end up quarrellings and loosing joy of festival, but I must follow her if she wants to visit her friends or family.. i have lost friends and relatives cause of her behavior.. ohh yeah forgot to tell you she mostly visit her so called friends like friends from work because she don't have good relations with friends and family.. So i guess i wud call it she is loner.. 

She always complaint of heaving headache or being tired after coming from work and she will not cook or do any other house work.. ultimately I will do housework or cook else I have to buy food from outside.. I can but I can't always .. she can shout and argue with anyone anywhere.. in MRT, in ATM queue or in shopping mall.. You wont believe me if I tell u this.. I always keep her busy by talking or something just to avoid her interaction with others around us.. Its so embarrassing.. she is never been reasonable in her doings.. she lie and manipulate things which i hate most.. I guess those are not proper behavior, we normal people don't do such things.. come on we live in civil society.. there are lot other things she do.. i can go on and on.. 

She will not talk to me for days and days only because i have different opinion on something.. She will not cook or do house work only cause I came little late from office cause I had little more work to settle.. She will not do lots of things only cause I am not sharing the same view she does.. She make sure I do things what she has asked me to do on time or else I will face hard time staying at home on weekends.. So I feel helpless and pathetic too.. She won't talk to her siblings and parents only because of her egoistic mentality.. I am not allowed to talk to her family members and siblings either, if I do so I have to be ready for one more quarrel immediately after reaching home.. some time I feel what life I am living.. I didn't wanted this life.. She was different when we met 1st.. honestly I liked her only because of her nature and thinking.. Now it turns out to be fake and manipulative.. what wud u call it? egoistic?

Honestly I am so scared to talk to her on any issue these days.. I just don't know when she gonna loose her temper and burst on me.. These days all i am doing is keeping her happy by listening and tolerating everything she does.. and by not living my life..


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## JWilliamson

Thanks for the openness Adam. sounds like hell and i dont have the answers. Depression, hormonal, denial i dont know but people do change and if one cannot accept these changes then that one has to endure it, try to fix it or leave. JW


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## simonsays

Adam, instead of blowing it over the internet, unless your objective is to let out some steam, please contact MCYS - they can arrange counselling .. and since you are PR, and your wife is a Singaporean - you are more than set to seek propert counselling - and MCYS will arrange a proper person to do it.

No more comments mate

Cheers


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## Adam.Sg

abc


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## janethuanglife

*Diversity problem*

Hello, I am from Singapore, PR. I want to divorce with my husband, but i got a kid he is 3 years old.
The reason i had to divorce with my husband THAT my husband won’t let my son go to kindergarten, he said it is too expensive. Every month, he spent lots of money to eat restaurant , I have already discussed with him many times , he would rather spend much money to buy and eat something we should not necessary in daily life than supporting my son to school .
Even I want to borrow money from my brother side to support my son to kindergarten ,he also threaten me and said he is going to devoice . 
My husband also quarreling with me many times for my kid issue. I still remember that he shouted to me that he can do anything but now all cant because of I and my son. 
Sometime He also speak very evil words like “curse “my son and I . 

I am a house wife currently , last time after I delivered my son , and I got job , we asked h his mother to take care of my son temporary , but when I was working ,his mother was calling my husband and let my husband called me that can’t continually work . Then I stopped my work to take care of my son. I was keeping up to breast feeding to my son until 2half years. then stopped . 
My husband family is single family , he has very deep dark shadow from his childhood , with his father ,I guessed it perhaps influenced him in some kind degree. Last time I said we can provide his mother s$500 to his mother for take care my son , then he told me he wont give . then later , he told me lots of his family spent his $$ , …… then let me change the same attitude to his family , I felt he is very pretty in his life , then I bear lots of difficult to care my son alone. 

However, he still quarrelling with me every time , such as once my son is crying , or I ask for him to help me take care of my son just 1 hours because I need go supermarkets or I need attend a class (I need pay for my things for every daily spend, tuition, all is my previous saving when I was not meeting him. He never give anything $ for use, only give me a credit card, as you know, spend credit card , you should purchase very expensive staffs . I don’t want to use credit card because it is no need. 
I only hope my son can go to kindergarten as soon as possible. What should I do? 
I n fact , I really want to divorce with him because every day I need bear pressure and listening his quarreling and shouting from my husband, he is most time playing online game instead talk , share and care for my son and I. once talk , it shouting again. 
We are not together life since I pregnant until now, it means we separate living a same house. for 4 years already . 
If divorce, how about my son? Who can get the legal right s to support him? I only Hope my son can get rights to education and good treat in his young age. 

I really need help and inquiry this problem, please help me.


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## simonsays

So you come and ask advice on a public forum ??  

You should seek MCYS to counsel you ..


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## JWilliamson

*Hello Worried mother*



janethuanglife said:


> Hello, I am from Singapore, PR. I want to divorce with my husband, but i got a kid he is 3 years old.
> The reason i had to divorce with my husband THAT my husband won’t let my son go to kindergarten, he said it is too expensive. Every month, he spent lots of money to eat restaurant , I have already discussed with him many times , he would rather spend much money to buy and eat something we should not necessary in daily life than supporting my son to school .
> Even I want to borrow money from my brother side to support my son to kindergarten ,he also threaten me and said he is going to devoice .
> My husband also quarreling with me many times for my kid issue. I still remember that he shouted to me that he can do anything but now all cant because of I and my son.
> Sometime He also speak very evil words like “curse “my son and I .
> 
> I am a house wife currently , last time after I delivered my son , and I got job , we asked h his mother to take care of my son temporary , but when I was working ,his mother was calling my husband and let my husband called me that can’t continually work . Then I stopped my work to take care of my son. I was keeping up to breast feeding to my son until 2half years. then stopped .
> My husband family is single family , he has very deep dark shadow from his childhood , with his father ,I guessed it perhaps influenced him in some kind degree. Last time I said we can provide his mother s$500 to his mother for take care my son , then he told me he wont give . then later , he told me lots of his family spent his $$ , …… then let me change the same attitude to his family , I felt he is very pretty in his life , then I bear lots of difficult to care my son alone.
> 
> However, he still quarrelling with me every time , such as once my son is crying , or I ask for him to help me take care of my son just 1 hours because I need go supermarkets or I need attend a class (I need pay for my things for every daily spend, tuition, all is my previous saving when I was not meeting him. He never give anything $ for use, only give me a credit card, as you know, spend credit card , you should purchase very expensive staffs . I don’t want to use credit card because it is no need.
> I only hope my son can go to kindergarten as soon as possible. What should I do?
> I n fact , I really want to divorce with him because every day I need bear pressure and listening his quarreling and shouting from my husband, he is most time playing online game instead talk , share and care for my son and I. once talk , it shouting again.
> We are not together life since I pregnant until now, it means we separate living a same house. for 4 years already .
> If divorce, how about my son? Who can get the legal right s to support him? I only Hope my son can get rights to education and good treat in his young age.
> 
> I really need help and inquiry this problem, please help me.


Best find support at a church or a religious center you know of. Find a professional you can talk to and seek some form of education so you can find a careeer for yourself and your son .


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## JWilliamson

I am guessing women need someone to talk to but they feel they do not have anyone that will care so writing in a forum is a way to release her self created pressures. JW


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## simonsays

MCYS provides such counselling and legal advice and assitance, and pro-bono assistance .. all covered by the government as long as one party is Singaporean/PR

And their intent is not to influence anybody - they provide just assistance and advice and designate a case officer to oversee the person.


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## moonriver123

JWilliamson said:


> Thanks for the openness Adam. sounds like hell and i dont have the answers. Depression, hormonal, denial i dont know but people do change and if one cannot accept these changes then that one has to endure it, try to fix it or leave. JW


sorry to hear that


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## yglady2000

Adam.Sg said:


> Hello Guys,
> 
> I am Adam, Singapore PR, Indian national living in Sg for 6-7 yrs. I am married to Singaporean local.
> 
> I am facing some serious marital and social issues cause of my wife's loner nature, unacceptable behavior and egoistic mentality.
> 
> Its been 5 year now. I feel I am been used as scapegoat (to settle her social and financial obligations), tortured emotionally, mentally and totally cut off with my parents, close friends and also with her siblings and rest of her family too.
> 
> We have HDB house under her name since we bought using her cpf money and some cash I have paid around SGD 50k.
> 
> I have 2 kids. I love them lot. I am worried if I file divorced, my parental rights will be taken away.
> 
> I want to seek advise on below points:
> 
> 1) If I apply for divorce, will I lose my parental right to my kids.
> 
> 2) Will my PR will be revoked as I applied PR under Singapore spouse scheme, of course I was working that time and my employer company did gave letter of recommendation to ICA during PR process.
> 
> 3) Is there any agency or local body who can advise me on domestic violence issues? I am been tortured mentally and threaten physically all along 5 yrs of marriage.
> 
> 4) What could be the worst thing happen in my divorce? I am not interested in house. its ok if she have it. I am willing to lose everything but my parental rights. I want to be around my kids and watch them grow.
> 
> All I want is happiness in life, we all have a right to live happily and peacefully but my rights were taken away because of one persons egoistic nature and pathetic mentality. I think I should speak out.
> 
> Please advise me.
> 
> Thanks and Regards,
> 
> Adam


Hi Adam, 

Yes do seek help from those very good divorce lawyers from law firms. They will be able to help and advise you on these matters. Get the experience ones.


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## kiddddd

Adam.Sg said:


> Hi Williamson.. I am not very sure how to explain.. maybe this will help.. most of the time she is not in a mood to talk with anyone including me.. she always has bad relations with her friends, siblings and also with her parents.. never ever show any interest to see any of my friends or my family / parents during festival or function.. if i force her we will end up quarrellings and loosing joy of festival, but I must follow her if she wants to visit her friends or family.. i have lost friends and relatives cause of her behavior.. ohh yeah forgot to tell you she mostly visit her so called friends like friends from work because she don't have good relations with friends and family.. So i guess i wud call it she is loner..
> 
> She always complaint of heaving headache or being tired after coming from work and she will not cook or do any other house work.. ultimately I will do housework or cook else I have to buy food from outside.. I can but I can't always .. she can shout and argue with anyone anywhere.. in MRT, in ATM queue or in shopping mall.. You wont believe me if I tell u this.. I always keep her busy by talking or something just to avoid her interaction with others around us.. Its so embarrassing.. she is never been reasonable in her doings.. she lie and manipulate things which i hate most.. I guess those are not proper behavior, we normal people don't do such things.. come on we live in civil society.. there are lot other things she do.. i can go on and on..
> 
> She will not talk to me for days and days only because i have different opinion on something.. She will not cook or do house work only cause I came little late from office cause I had little more work to settle.. She will not do lots of things only cause I am not sharing the same view she does.. She make sure I do things what she has asked me to do on time or else I will face hard time staying at home on weekends.. So I feel helpless and pathetic too.. She won't talk to her siblings and parents only because of her egoistic mentality.. I am not allowed to talk to her family members and siblings either, if I do so I have to be ready for one more quarrel immediately after reaching home.. some time I feel what life I am living.. I didn't wanted this life.. She was different when we met 1st.. honestly I liked her only because of her nature and thinking.. Now it turns out to be fake and manipulative.. what wud u call it? egoistic?
> 
> Honestly I am so scared to talk to her on any issue these days.. I just don't know when she gonna loose her temper and burst on me.. These days all i am doing is keeping her happy by listening and tolerating everything she does.. and by not living my life..


Hi Adam, don't be too upset. I can understand how you feel. Just try your best and hang in there. It's not easy being in a marriage, but it's fate that both of you got together in the first place. i'm sure despite whatever the personality she showed you in the first place, it's still there somewhere somehow you just gotta find it back. people in marriage tends to take each other for granted, and that may be the problem. work on it and dont give up so soon! all the best for your marriage!


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## JWilliamson

well they meet for a lesson so learn it and you will be better skilled for the next lessons to come.


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