# Separating - Driving Back to the U.S.



## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

I am separating from my Mexican wife. After 2 years of marriage it is just not working out. My wife verbally abuses me, and it is impossible to please her. She is always unhappy and spends very little time at home. She is a very high-strung, goal-driven woman, and I am more of a laid-back, easy-going guy. Nevertheless, I still love her, but she feels it is best if I leave. Besides dealing with the heartbreak and pain of separation, I must somehow gather myself together and figure out how to get me and my things back to the States.

I think she might have just used me to get a Green Card. I don't know. I can't figure the woman out. Now as I understand it, I'm going to lose my FM-2, but she gets to keep her Green Card. That's just not fair. 

At first, I thought I would just go for a while to the U.S. and work in my profession (pianist-musician) for a few months for my previous employer; but now this looks like it will be a permanent move. So, I have to bring everything with me. Well, everything within reason, and what my bank account can afford.

Already this woman has had me pay for moving her from Mexico City to Missouri, and then after a year in Missouri she insisted I pay to move both of us back to Mexico City. These moves, plus her Green Card, have costs me thousands of dollars. I'm pretty much tapped-out. A friend from the States is visiting me right now and says he can drive me home (thank God). 

Some questions please:
1. Other than stopping to return the _Importada Temporal _sticker at Bancerjito, is Mexican customs going to require me to stop? Are they going to go through all my things? I had terrible problems with Mexican Customs coming down here. I had to hire a Customs Officer, and there was a huge amount of red-tape. I am so worried about going through all this again!
2. I went to the U.S. Gov website, and they said that there is no duty on possessions I owned before moving to Mexico. If that is true, this is good, as most of my stuff is old and not purchased in Mexico. Is this information about no duty on my own stuff accurate info?
3. I am a writer, and I have quite a large collection of books. They would never all fit in the car. I was thinking of mailing them to the U.S. Again, the boxes will _only_ contain my old books, nothing purchased here. I cannot do my work without these books as they are books I reference in my writing (I've published 3 books). Do you think I can mail boxes of my collection of personally valuable books without any hassle? Should I write a note to Customs explaining the contents and put it inside the box? 
4. I have a digital piano. But it is not the portable kind. It's the type meant to be set up once, and not moved around for gigs. We brought everything down here in a large SUV, so it could fit, but I doubt it could fit in my friend's car. Any ideas on how I can move this to the U.S.? I've also got a synthesizer, which I can give up, since it's pretty old, and an amp, which might fit into the car. 
5. I am so distraught with the ending of my marriage, that I cannot think straight. _Please tell me if I need to know anything that I'm missing with my plans. _I have my U.S. Passport, and my FM-2 Visa. Are there any other documents I will need to re-enter the U.S.? Should I just drive through the "Nothing to Declare" line, as I am not going to bring any Mexican bought items with me back into the U.S., but the car will obviously be packed to the brim with my stuff. 
6. # 5 isn't completely true, as I am full-disabled and on several daily medications. I will need to travel with my prescription medications purchased here. Unfortunately, in Mexico, they do not have medicine bottles, only boxes of medicine. I'm afraid Mexico Customs or U.S. Customs might seize them. My life depends on taking these meds every day. 

Any advice would be highly appreciated. I think we are leaving in 2 days. My friend isn't giving me much time. Right now I feel like a zombie. This will be my 3rd divorce if we get divorced. I thought my move to Mexico was going to be permanent, and never made any contingency plans to move all my things back to the U.S. in case my marriage would fail. I can use all the support you can give me right now. 

Thanks. 

Vortexijah


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

1. You will need to stop to get the car's 'impotada' sticker removed by Bancerjito. You must also stop at INM (probably in the southbound lane) to have them stamp your FM2 in the 'Salida' page. Due to the limitations on time out of Mexico and your changed situation, it would be wise to have the FM2 canceled by INM. You will have no need to stop at Mexican customs, other than the car at Bancerjisto.

2. Your personal, used goods won't be a problem if they were purchased in the USA. Also, Mexican artesania is duty free, as are most antiques.

3. The only problem with the books is their weight, and the very high cost of shipping.

4. With the instruments and the books, have you considered making two trips to the border, putting them, and other stuff, in a storage facility? A small unit doesn't cost much for a month. Then, when everything is in the USA, you could use a U-haul trailer or truck to get to your final destination.

5. At the border, you are likely to be questioned and inspected, so plan on it.

6. You can take a 'reasonable' amount of medications with you. Possibly up to 90 days worth. However, be sure that you do have the prescriptions with you, even though they aren't usually required in Mexico. Every 'farmacia' has a responsible MD who can do this for you. Otherwise, it would be worth a consultation to have them written by an MD of your choice. They need not be in US style bottles, which aren't allowed in Mexico for safety reasons. Mexico requires factory sealed packaging.

Relax......all will be well.


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## ReefHound (Aug 9, 2010)

I can't help you on the personal front other than wish you the best. Did you ask your wife if she has any friends who may be interested? ;-)

You won't need to stop for Mexican customs or immigration other than to stamp out your FM2 and turn in your vehicle permit. However, you are likely to be stopped at some of the checkpoints along the way who may have questions about your belongings. 

If I were you, I would make a detailed list of everything you have along with any evidence you acquired them in the U.S. While there may be no duty on what you owned before in the U.S., how are you going to prove that you owned it before?

You may have a problem with the medications and you should be sure to have a prescription for every drug. As for pill bottles, can you go by a farmacia and see if they can provide a label? Other than that I don't know what to tell you. If they find the pills in an unmarked box, unless the pills are marked themselves, the question is how does anyone know that little pill is what you say it is?


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

The medications should be in their original, factory sealed, blister pack sleeve, inside the well labeled box from the manufacturer; just the way you receive them from the farmacia. Mexico does not dispense from bulk, un-dated and subject to contamination and fraud, as in US pharmacies.


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

Thank you very much RVGRINGO for all your help! Your answers have been most informative. 

All the best,
Vortexijah


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## TundraGreen (Jul 15, 2010)

Vortexijah, I can't add much to the advice you have already received, however I would like to clarify one point. In your original post you indicate that you think you will lose your FM-2 (Inmigrante) visa? Why is that? It is certainly possible to have an inmigrante visa without a Mexican wife. Secondly, I wasn't sure if you were relocating to the US permanently because your were losing your visa or if there were other reasons. If the former, you should make sure that you really will lose your visa before you leave permanently.

Best wishes in dealing with these problems. I went through a divorce many years ago. It is not fun even without the international complications you face. You have my sympathy.

Memo


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

The 'inmigrante/FM2' visa has restrictions on how long you can be out of Mexico in any one year, and cumulatively in the five year period. One must also be in Mexico at the annual renewal dates. So, it will probably have to be canceled if Vortexija isn't able to meet the rules. Better to do than, than to jeopardize the ability to get another in the future, if desired.


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

*Losing my FM-2 reality or fiction?*



TundraGreen said:


> Vortexijah, I can't add much to the advice you have already received, however I would like to clarify one point. In your original post you indicate that you think you will lose your FM-2 (Inmigrante) visa? Why is that? It is certainly possible to have an inmigrante visa without a Mexican wife.



I thought that I would lose my FM-2 because RVGRINGO wrote, _"Due to the limitations on time out of Mexico and your changed situation, it would be wise to have the FM2 canceled by INM." _And in some other posts, people indicated the same . . . once I leave Mexico I have to kiss my FM-2 goodbye. 

I would _love_ to keep my FM-2. It cost me a lot of money and I would love to come back to Mexico after the dust has settled. I am too emotional now to make any permanent decisions about my future. 

So, I do not have to yield or lose my FM-2 because I am going back to the U.S. for a while? How long can I stay out of the U.S. before my FM-2 becomes invalid? Right now, the FM-2's they're handing out, are these impressive laminated cards. It has my photo on it and says "Inmigrante" with the INM seal. So, someone mentioned about getting "page 2" stamped . . . I really don't have anything like that. My card says it expires 5/5/2011. 



TundraGreen said:


> Secondly, I wasn't sure if you were relocating to the US permanently because your were losing your visa or if there were other reasons. If the former, you should make sure that you really will lose your visa before you leave permanently.



I have made no long-term decisions. But I was truly saddened to learn (on this forum) that I should have my FM-2 cancelled. After all the work I've put into this marriage, into learning Spanish, into getting my FM-2, I don't want to have it cancelled! 



TundraGreen said:


> Best wishes in dealing with these problems. I went through a divorce many years ago. It is not fun even without the international complications you face. You have my sympathy.



Thanks for the very kind words. It tears my heart out to leave my new home in Mexico. I'd rather stay, but my Spanish is so poor. I can make all my needs understood, but I can't really understand what people are saying to me. I don't know how I could possibly go through all the process of getting a new apartment here, and paying bills, if I can't even have a simple conversation on the telephone! Don't get me wrong; I've studied for a very long time, but I'm just not yet good enough to understand the majority of what people are saying. I think it would be a disaster for me to try to set up utilities, negotiate a contract with a landlord, etc., with my language skills. What do you think? 

Vortexijah


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

I'm not certain, but I think you can only be out of Mexico for less than 90 days in a year, or a total of 180 days over the five year period. That's from fuzzy brain cells, so visit INM and ask.

Now, if you really want to stay in Mexico, but need expat support and English speaking friends, restaurants, business folks, etc. You might consider a move to Lake Chapala/Ajijic, where I'm certain that you would be comfortable, have easy access to Guadalajara, etc. It might be a good place to 'adjust' for a while. Catch your breath before making major decisions & keep your 'inmigrante credencial'. (The FM2 term is becoming obsolete). There are always some short term lodgings, even in 'high season' and good shopping for rentals after March or April. PM if I can help with details.

If you do have to leave Mexico, present your plastic 'credencial' and fill out an FMM, keeping the stub for re-entry. That process replaces the stamping of pages in the old booklet FM2 or FM3, but confuses the border folks as they learn the new ropes. So, insist, even if they resist. It is the law; as is getting the 'importada' sticker removed from a foreign plated vehicle.


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## conklinwh (Dec 19, 2009)

A few things:
-1st, what RV ****** says about living and getting support in an expat oriented area is true in a number of locations in Mexico and not limited to the Lake Chapala area but that is certainly an option.
-I thought that "non-inmigrante" and "inmigrante" cards that the aduano sticker didn't have to be renewed or removed upon temporary exit. Is this not true?


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

Maybe not pertinent to the general reader of this forum, but certainly pertinent to me, is that fact that my buddy who is visiting us right now from the USA, will be probably the one to drive me back. He has the sticker on his car that he got when he crossed the border. How will this affect me, if in any way? I've got the FM-2, he's got I guess a temporary visitor's visa as well as the car sticker. It's his car, not mine. Sorrry if this sounds terse; I'm very tense.


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

RVGRINGO said:


> Now, if you really want to stay in Mexico, but need expat support and English speaking friends, restaurants, business folks, etc. You might consider a move to Lake Chapala/Ajijic, where I'm certain that you would be comfortable, have easy access to Guadalajara, etc. It might be a good place to 'adjust' for a while. Catch your breath before making major decisions & keep your 'inmigrante credencial'.


Thanks RVGRINGO, very generous and sweet of you to offer some personal help in this situation! 

Yeah, it amazes me how different, just the bill-paying system is here. In the U.S. I just got online and paid all my bills. Here my wife and I have to go to various banks and convenience stores to pay bills. If it was as simple as just giving them the money and account number; I could do it. But in banks especially, it always seems that there's some complication, and the clerk is always asking my wife several questions. That's where I would get bogged down with my Spanish. I can understand my housekeeper; but not a bank teller. 

For me a big problem is that (as you know) I'm a fully disabled U.S. citizen, living on my Social Security Income. I do have a very small pension, but I was saving that for emergencies or the future. Basically, I receive no more than $1200.00USD per month. Is that enough to have a small place in the areas you and others recommended? My needs are humble; no more than a one-bedroom apartment. I just don't want to live in a dangerous area, but other than that, I'm open. 

Also, if you or other folks on this forum could help me navigate my way through how to pay bills in Mexico, or if there is a FAQ somewhere on the topic, I may be able to make my way on my own. 

One example: the other day we went to pay a utility bill at one of the banks listed on the bill, and my wife was told (after much discussion) that this particular bank now charges a large surchage to pay the bill there, _unless_ one opens an account at the bank. This kind of very complicated language exchange would probably be overwhelming to me. 

I sincerely thank you for helping me through this rough patch. 

Vortexijah


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## conklinwh (Dec 19, 2009)

Vortexijah said:


> Maybe not pertinent to the general reader of this forum, but certainly pertinent to me, is that fact that my buddy who is visiting us right now from the USA, will be probably the one to drive me back. He has the sticker on his car that he got when he crossed the border. How will this affect me, if in any way? I've got the FM-2, he's got I guess a temporary visitor's visa as well as the car sticker. It's his car, not mine. Sorry if this sounds terse; I'm very tense.


Your friend will need to go to immigration to get permit canceled and passport stamped and also to Banjercito to have sticker canceled(tell him to keep receipt). 
You will need go to immigration as RV ****** said to fill out FMM & keep a copy.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

The car may not be removed from Mexico without having the sticker removed by Aduana/Banjercito. That's required, and even though they won't enforce it, you had better do it. There are very serious consequences if you don't. They can entail the loss of your bond to the value of your car, as well as being prevented from ever bringing another vehicle into Mexico. Believe it; it happens. If the sticker is not officially removed and receipted, Mexico insists that the car is still in Mexico and has been sold, junked or given away.....all ILLEGAL! You can spend years and a fortune fighting that one.
If your car were wrecked, burned, stolen or sold in the USA, with the sticker still in place, you can't ever bring its replacement to Mexico....EVER! Another example: If your car is similarly wrecked or dies in Mexico, you still remain obligated to remove it from Mexico. Read what you have signed, and the applicable Ley de Aduana. So, if the trouble and cost of replacing stickers is a problem, and you plan to live in Mexico, a Mexican plated car, purchased in Mexico, is a great idea.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

Vortexijah said:


> Maybe not pertinent to the general reader of this forum, but certainly pertinent to me, is that fact that my buddy who is visiting us right now from the USA, will be probably the one to drive me back. He has the sticker on his car that he got when he crossed the border. How will this affect me, if in any way? I've got the FM-2, he's got I guess a temporary visitor's visa as well as the car sticker. It's his car, not mine. Sorrry if this sounds terse; I'm very tense.


Your 'buddy' must handle all matters of his car and his sticker removal at Aduana/Banjercito, keeping the receipt forever. You are not involved in that, at all. He will also turn in his FMM at INM. 

You, a passenger, will present your 'credencial' to INM and fill out an FMM, keeping the stub for re-entry.


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## conklinwh (Dec 19, 2009)

Sorry for 2nd note but our posts passed.
You do really need to live in an expat area.
$1200 meets the earning minimum and a lot of people live well on that. Even in San Miguel that sometimes gets fluffed off as expensive, we have a good friend that has a 3 bedroom apartment with full kitchen, living/dining "great room", balcony & roof top terrace for less than $200US/month.
Mexico really is a heavily cash society so most important that you have access to money. Most expats we know use either Actinver Lloyd or Intercam as both have US bank relationships for wire transfers. They are both very expat friendly and no Spanish required.
If you are renting, you would negotiate what included in terms of utilities versus what you pay. This can include electricity(CFE) and no charge at office and usually distributed locations, gas which usually comes to you and paid cash, phone(can pay at office), TV(we pay online via Paypal), and possibly internet but internet cafes very prevalent and very cheap.
Life is more challenging but in some ways that the fun of it but in no way should it be as difficult as what you are feeling.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

Telmex can be paid online for phone and DSL service. CFE, can be paid at the Chapala offices via machine or teller, if you are ambulatory. If not, it can be paid in some local convenience stores if you get the current bill. If you are renting and the landlord is handy, he might pay it, or it might be included in your rent.
There are rentals at all price ranges, but I would suggest a minimum might be 3500 pesos to 6000 pesos, depending on what is included in the way of utilities, etc. If you send me a PM with more information on what your capabilities are, or limitations, I can make some further recommendations.
Your income is OK, if you don't have too many expensive habits. We've managed on not much more for ten years, but own our home. However, that entails supporting cars, a weekly maid and gardener, too.


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## Barbara Lumpkins (Nov 13, 2010)

*Driving back to the US*



Vortexijah said:


> Maybe not pertinent to the general reader of this forum, but certainly pertinent to me, is that fact that my buddy who is visiting us right now from the USA, will be probably the one to drive me back. He has the sticker on his car that he got when he crossed the border. How will this affect me, if in any way? I've got the FM-2, he's got I guess a temporary visitor's visa as well as the car sticker. It's his car, not mine. Sorrry if this sounds terse; I'm very tense.


We have traveled to the US several times since being here and never once have we had any problems or delays. Just be polite and patient.


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## f3drivr (Nov 18, 2008)

Our CFE bill is paid automatically from our account at Banamex.


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## TundraGreen (Jul 15, 2010)

Regarding your Spanish ability. If you have been letting your wife handle everything you have a distorted idea of how much spanish you need. Like you, I have a low level of spanish. People usually understand what I am saying. I understand simple responses, but if there is a complicated response I usually have to ask for it to be repeated, sometimes several times. In spite of this, I live on my own in a area where there are no ex-pats. I have bought a house, dealt with the notario publico, bought furniture and appliances, subscribed to cable internet, changed to an inmigrante visa, subscribed to IMSS. All of this I did on my own with my limited spanish ability. The long conversations they have with your wife are because she is fluent. If you were doing it yourself it would be different. Don't be scared. You will learn more spanish after you are on your own. When I visit my daughter who lives in Germany and is fluent, I never understand any of the transactions even though I speak a little German. If your language skills are limited you are better off on your own.

Also, regarding whether one should live where there are a lot of other ex-pats. That is very much a personal choice. There are advantages and disadvantages on both sides but that is a topic for a different thread.

Memo


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## maesonna (Jun 10, 2008)

Regarding limits on being out of the country on an FM2: I was looking this up for another forum the other day, and if the government website where I found this info is up-to-date (and it did seem to be), _inmigrantes _(persons in the first 5 years of the FM2) can remain outside the country a maximum of 18 months out of the 5 years (either continuous or cumulative). This is the only limit. 

For _inmigrados_, the maximum time outside of Mexico without losing _inmigrado _status is either 3 consecutive years or 5 years cumulative out of 10.


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

Thanks very much for writing. Your letter has really given me a new way of looking at my situation. It never occured to me that people spoke more to my wife precisely _because_she is Mexican and can speak fluently. What you've accomplished with your life here gives me courage that I can do the same, even without the "safety" of an American or ex-pat community. I studied for 6 months at CEPE in UNAM and I can shop and every day I speak more and more with neighbors, etc. Again, my real appreciation for your writing to me; it gives me a lot more confidence that I can survive with my Spanish skills. Yeah, I know there's up's and down's to living here. I was thinking of maybe living in Quretero which I like very much. 

Thanks.


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## leegleze (Oct 1, 2007)

As to paying bills: I pay all my bills (electric, water, telephone & internet) at any OXXO store. They charge you an extra 7 pesos per transaction, but it's certainly worth it to me to avoid the hassle of wandering to and fro trying to find all the separate offices. Gas comes to me via the gas-man who plies his trade up and down the street each day. He connects the gas cylinder to my gas line and I pay him directly. As a single person, I use about 300 pesos worth of gas every two months. The water guy comes by once a day. He charges 16 pesos for a large "garafon", and I just give him 20 pesos so he'll flip the dang thing onto the dispenser for me (I've got a bit of arthritis, so I can't do it myself). I live on about $950 CDN a month and supplement that by teaching English six hours a week at a local hotel, which provides me with a "Working FM3". Since I live in a tourist area, people often marvel at how I manage on so little money, but I live simply and treat myself to a dinner out with friends once a week. My two-bedroom, two-bath furnished house is rented for $5000 pesos a month. You CAN do it, and even live better than I do if you choose a more remote location. My ex just moved to Tepotzlan, and hour or so west of DF, and is living there on even less. He says he loves the tranquility and "healing ambience" of the place, as he, too, is smarting from a break-up (from me ... LOL). Do not dispair! You can still enjoy life in Mexico, make new friends, take up new and exciting hobbies or work, and just "be" while you deal with the grief of your failed relationship. Good luck with anything you decide to do!!


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## Vortexijah (Oct 20, 2009)

Dear Roxana,

Thank you so very much for taking the time to write to me! Your advice truly helps me to know I can make it on my own here. You don't know how much this means to me. I really appreciate all the specific advice you gave me and it's helping to build my confidence about staying here. 

I wish you much happiness, success and peace in your life. 

Vortexijah


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