# PTE Writing task- evaluation



## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Dear PTE aspirants

This group is created to post your written material and evaluation by other members. It will help to make a record of all essays as well as summaries and it will be of great help to PTE test seekers.

Together we can.....

Good luck

Thanks and hit like.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Please evaluate my summaries below. HELP appreciated.

1 Read the passage 

The true reality of life can be known only when we maintain a balance between the mathematical elements of nature, on the one hand, and consciousness and will, on the other. There are two things in nature we have no doubt about; our existence and the outside world. But there is something which makes us aware of these two elements and that is our thought. Whatever we feel, our conclusions, our fears, and aspirations, all revolve around our thinking. Our flesh and bones cannot perceive things in nature. It is the capability of our thoughts alone. Even a physically disabled man with a sane mind gets rational thoughts. So, there is some great power that picks impressions from surroundings, concludes ideas, and gives reasoning and judgment. And that power is the power of thinking. This is the real, “I myself”. This, ‘I myself’, has an existence apart from its physical reality. It is the real self or person who deals with others in society. Its physical body is a medium through which he can verbalize his thoughts. The real person is embodied in the thoughts of the personality. So, judge not a person’s physicality, but his thoughts.

*Answer
An invisible power, thought process which reckons us with two elements that our physical body fails to pursue; even physically challenged persona uses the power of thinking thus, we should not judge the book by its cover.*

2 Read the passage 
It has been claimed that everything of importance, that originated in Italy from the thirteenth to the seventeenth century, bore the distinctive mark of Fine Arts. Early on, Cimabue and Duccio da Siena were the two masters whose Madonna’s had given the new impulse to painting and brought them immortal fame. They were the heralds of the time when poetry of sentiment, beauty of color, animation and individuality of form replaced Medieval formality and ugliness; a time when the spirit of art revived with an impulse prophetic of its coming glory.
It is important to remember that the art of the Renaissance had, in the beginning, a distinct office to fill in the service of the Church. Later, in historical and decorative painting it served the State, and at length in portrait and landscape painting, in pictures of genre subjects and still-life, abundant opportunity was afforded for all orders of talent, and the generous patronage of art by church, state, and men of rank and wealth made Italy a veritable paradise for artists. Gradually, with the revival of learning, artists were free to give greater importance to secular subjects and an element of worldliness, and even of immorality, invaded the realm of art as it invaded the realms of life and literature. This was an era of change in all departments of life. Chivalry, the great "poetic lie," died with feudalism.

*Answer
Italy, from thirteenth to seventeenth century had produced numerous renowned artists like Cimabue, Duccio da Siena and Renaissance who had given new dimensions to the painting however, the Renaissance had served church as well as state and turned Italy into heaven for artists and that era had transformed the life.
*


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> Please evaluate my summaries below. HELP appreciated.
> 
> 1 Read the passage
> 
> ...


Hi have tried the same texts based on my understanding. You can also review mine. Also, your responses are well-written with covering almost all main important points, however, I think you could improve second summary a bit more in terms of covering all significant points. 

[1]
Human feelings are always bound with their thinking in every facets of their lives, and the power of thinking is always resulted from the surroundings, thus, human's ability should be articulated from their strengh of ideas rather than physical traits.

[2]
The evolution of arts and paintings have started since past centuries from Italy with the great endaveours of two masters, which slowly become popular for learning due to its vivid aspects and elements for the artists and it has become evolved.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi have tried the same texts based on my understanding. You can also review mine. Also, your responses are well-written with covering almost all main important points, however, I think you could improve second summary a bit more in terms of covering all significant points.
> 
> [1]
> Human feelings are always bound with their thinking in every facets of their lives, and the power of thinking is always resulted from the surroundings, thus, human's ability should be articulated from their strengh of ideas rather than physical traits.
> ...


1st :- well written, but spelling mistakes. i have marked red.
2nd - doubt in second summary as you have missed the entire second paragraph and did not mention about Renaissance. 
I have tried to mention all points of second.

and in summary, is it good to write names of persons if any comes or it is good without adding names. like i have added all names but parthvi did not mentioned any. 

please suggest


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> 1st :- well written, but spelling mistakes. i have marked red.
> 2nd - doubt in second summary as you have missed the entire second paragraph and did not mention about Renaissance.
> I have tried to mention all points of second.
> 
> ...


I have read somewhere, we should get rid of specific details and examples during summary writing, though, not sure which approach is good.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Passage 3 
*

"You feel like the strength of our community on a local level, regional level and then that national level has really just hit home." The massive fire, which tore through the town of Yarloop on Friday, claimed two lives, with authorities discovering the bodies in burnt-out houses on Saturday. The remains are believed to be of a 77-year-old man and a 73-year-old man.
Inquiries are continuing into the whereabouts of one other person still missing. More than 70,000 hectares has been burnt, with 143 properties, including 128 houses, destroyed by the Waroona fire. The Bureau of Meteorology's Adam Conroy said on Saturday the weather situation was starting to look much better than recent days. 
"Conditions around Harvey and Waroona are certainly easing tonight, winds are light, only around 10 kilometres per hour and the temperature's dropped into the low 20s and the relative humidity is also quite high and potential for even light shower activity tonight and tomorrow morning," Mr Conroy said.
Department of Fire and Emergency Services incident controller Brad Della Vale said the next 48 hours of favourable conditions would be a crucial time for firefighters. "We need to make sure that we can contain the fire within our current boundaries," he said.
Authorities have updated the watch and act warning for a second fire burning in Dalyup on WA's South Coast. Winds have shifted to a north-easterly direction, causing significant flare ups on the western edge of the fire.

*ANSWER
The massive fires has deteriorated the serenity with massive destruction of town of Yarloop and took two lives however, one life is still missing; according to Bureau of Meteorology, although the weather conditions will be favorable, indispensable for firefighters thus, measures are taken for further disaster.*


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

The conditions in which we grew up highly influenced our lives take one real personality from yours life who is not influenced by these conditions and become successful.


Could anybody elaborate this topic for me, i got this in exam.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> The conditions in which we grew up highly influenced our lives take one real personality from yours life who is not influenced by these conditions and become successful.
> 
> 
> Could anybody elaborate this topic for me, i got this in exam.



It has long been held that one’s success has strong influence from the region they come from, and in return their success also contributes to the region itself. There is ample support for both claims. This will be proved by analyzing how environment affects the individuals within it as well as the substantial contribution their success have toward the region.

It is convincingly argued that environment plays an imperative role in moulding one’s success. Individuals, apart from genetic qualities that they inherit from family, are heavily influenced by their surrounding environment. For example, a child who is raised in a sophisticated environment with role model parents and decent neighbors and friends are more likely to have an interest in academic studies. This is in contrast with one who is less likely to become a civilized citizen if raised by parents that are involved in criminal activities and live in a rather complicated neighborhood. It is evident therefore, that good environment or region is crucial in assisting one’s success.

Furthermore, the region is at the same time benefited if there are a number of accomplished individuals in society. Humankind in general tend to emulate others success and over time this is a good trend toward the region development. As an example, if there is a prevalent morale in one society that young people are expected to pursue higher education, the trend thus is more likely to be maintained and promoted, which ultimately benefits the region.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that successful people are influenced significantly by the region where they come from, and in return the more burgeoning number of accomplished citizens in society, the better the region becomes. It is expected that people should take recognizance of this fact.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

parthvi said:


> It has long been held that one’s success has strong influence from the region they come from, and in return their success also contributes to the region itself. There is ample support for both claims. This will be proved by analyzing how environment affects the individuals within it as well as the substantial contribution their success have toward the region.
> 
> It is convincingly argued that environment plays an imperative role in moulding one’s success. Individuals, apart from genetic qualities that they inherit from family, are heavily influenced by their surrounding environment. For example, a child who is raised in a sophisticated environment with role model parents and decent neighbors and friends are more likely to have an interest in academic studies. This is in contrast with one who is less likely to become a civilized citizen if raised by parents that are involved in criminal activities and live in a rather complicated neighborhood. It is evident therefore, that good environment or region is crucial in assisting one’s success.
> 
> ...


It has been done by maxaco .


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi can anyone review this essay please?
*
Environment pollution is too alarming to be managed by individuals . Real change can be made at the government level. What extent do you agree or disagree.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Climate has been changing since past many years owing to innumerable reasons. Some people are thinking that the governments should make changes at the upper level to protect atmosphere, while others argue that individuals are responsible to take initiative towards environment change and their impact. I am inclined believe that both government and individual are equally have to take part in order to stop polluting environment. The following paragraphs will analyse the impact and reason, and thus will lead to a logical conclusion.

First of all, people are making huge amount of carbon dioxide emission every days. Thus, individual have to understand the ramifications are arising in many forms. For example, because of tremendous amount carbon dioxide emission, temperature is increasing day by day, melting polar ice and rising sea level, which will draw to drastic consequences in the globe. As a result, individuals should establish strategies, and have to work in direction to control environment pollution.

Second of all, the governments are in high command, and they can build phenomenon to diminish pollution issue, which is rising since past era. Environment pollution has sparked the controversy over the potential effect of this trend on marketing, advertising and fossil fuel in the recent time just because of governments are lagging behind to sustain environment. As an example, studies shown that Indian population rising, and pollution also ameliorating, though, government has taken only 45 corrective decisions in last three decades.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propound the view that every person is equally responsible as government, and both have to work together to develop pollution free society for the generation. It is expected that people take cognisance of education and further, the government should establish the guidelines to reduce pollution.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> The conditions in which we grew up highly influenced our lives take one real personality from yours life who is not influenced by these conditions and become successful.
> 
> 
> Could anybody elaborate this topic for me, i got this in exam.


Q:- The conditions in which we grew up highly influenced our lives take one real personality from yours life who is not influenced by these conditions and become successful.

Answer

Undeniably the persona of an individual is directly proportion to the vicinity where he or she has grown up. Some people are born with golden spoon while some faces the dark side of the life. Let us delve deep into the topic and discuss it in detail.

There is no shadow of doubt that the family background depicts the personality of an individual. Not only the person learns cultural taboos but also inculcates the moral values in it. Furthermore, the peer group also influences the thought process of a person. Apart from this, wherewithal, amenities also play an indispensable role in the development of a person. For instance, there will be gigantic difference in a child’s attitude that grew up in an affluent family than a poor class child.

Although the condition overpowers the capabilities, exception is always there. The American president Mr. Barack Obama is an embodiment of the statement who overshadows his past conditions with his passion. He is the real hero in this contemporary world. 

To put it in a nutshell, it is aptly said that hard work and dedication is the key of success whatsoever the circumstances prevails. However, our personality truly reflects our conditions, our goals should be determined.

WORDS 204

Please check for any errors and updates needed.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi can anyone review this essay please?
> *
> Environment pollution is too alarming to be managed by individuals . Real change can be made at the government level. What extent do you agree or disagree.*
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> ...


pls find some mistakes that I relocated.marked with red.
Please correct me if I am wrong.


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Thats incrdible very precise, have u managed to write in 20 minutes because i was unable to manage in 20 minutes.


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Singh bros have you managed the time (20 minutes)


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> Q:- The conditions in which we grew up highly influenced our lives take one real personality from yours life who is not influenced by these conditions and become successful.
> 
> Answer
> 
> ...



Except words count it is remarkabl. Did u managed in 20 minutes ? And what you think this topic is bit complex as compare to normal essays of PTE?


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Question:- Environment pollution is too alarming to be managed by individuals . Real change can be made at the government level. What extent do you agree or disagree.
*

ANSWER

Environmental pollution is hailed as bane in this contemporary world. Mankind, with the overuse of resources has created a recipe a disaster for themselves. It is said that as you sow so shall you reap thus, individuals, government as well as media must step forward to curb the situation.

As there is no smoke without fire, thus there are numerous causes that are required to be addressed. Firstly, humans itself are the bone of contention to this colossal concern. Furthermore, emission from factories and vehicles is deteriorating the environment by leaps and bounds. They are up surging the temperature of planet and giving rise to ample consequences like global warming, rising the sea level et cetera. Moreover, deforestation and urbanization also held responsible for this chaos.

However, every problem is surmountable. Government should introspect the situation and take rigorous steps to heal the environment. Apart from this, not only the government but also every individual must become the savior of the planet. Also, media must step forward to aware people, as cognizance is the ray of hope.

To put it in a nutshell, pondering upon the issue, I opine that although government is supreme power, individuals and media should also try to nip the problem in the bud as it is the need of the hour.

Words :- 216

guys please evalute


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *Question:- Environment pollution is too alarming to be managed by individuals . Real change can be made at the government level. What extent do you agree or disagree.
> *
> 
> ANSWER
> ...



Easily between 70-79 .... Very strong grip on precise vocab.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> Except words count it is remarkabl. Did u managed in 20 minutes ? And what you think this topic is bit complex as compare to normal essays of PTE?


Mate, 

It took 22 minutes to pursue this topic. It is complex as it is my first attempt to essay.
continuous practice is required to complete essay in 18 minutes.
and word limit is in between 200- 300 . Does it deduct marks if i write close to minimum words?
Please suggest


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## wolfskin (Nov 12, 2014)

Guys one piece of advice for the writing task . I have attempted thrice for required score, thrice because I was not getting required score in reading. What ever we write ( I mean the content) does not matter a much, unless you are not writing something irrelevant. Like essay about cow and you are writing about birds. What matters is the introduction and a good conclusion and in total 5 paragraphs intor + body + conclusion and the body consists of 3 paragraphs. Connecting words at the starting of body paragraph counts the most, like (body para 1) First of all (body para 2) secondly/ more over / in addition to that (body para 3) where as / on the other hand . This worked for me every time, even for my spouse. Good Luck ... 
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-KHaNK_bor6VjE1ejRxOGhvQVk/view?usp=sharing


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

wolfskin said:


> Guys one piece of advice for the writing task . I have attempted thrice for required score, thrice because I was not getting required score in reading. What ever we write ( I mean the content) does not matter a much, unless you are not writing something irrelevant. Like essay about cow and you are writing about birds. What matters is the introduction and a good conclusion and in total 5 paragraphs intor + body + conclusion and the body consists of 3 paragraphs. Connecting words at the starting of body paragraph counts the most, like (body para 1) First of all (body para 2) secondly/ more over / in addition to that (body para 3) where as / on the other hand . This worked for me every time, even for my spouse. Good Luck ...
> https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-KHaNK_bor6VjE1ejRxOGhvQVk/view?usp=sharing


Thanks for your valuable advice. following is the essay body that you are discribing
Introduction :- 1 para
Body :- 3 para
conclusion:- 1 para
total 5 para

but mate, if i divide my body into 3 paras, my paragrapgs will be of 2 or 3 lines. Is that Ok.

Could you please show one of your essay so that I can understand.

thanks and what was your scores in writing.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> pls find some mistakes that I relocated.marked with red.
> Please correct me if I am wrong.


Thanks a lot mate for valuable corrections. What do you think, am I able to get 65 in writing?


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *Question:- Environment pollution is too alarming to be managed by individuals . Real change can be made at the government level. What extent do you agree or disagree.
> *
> 
> ANSWER
> ...


Hi Sigh, your writing is very very impressive, though, complex because of lot of complex structures and high vocabularies. If you are aiming 79, it is great style of writing, but if you are aiming 80+ better to go with simple, consice and well-structured format which is easy to understand for software. Believe me you will score better then you have expected. Moreover, you can also increase your word counts around 230 for safe side in "Written Discourse".

Thanks


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Thanks a lot mate for valuable corrections. What do you think, am I able to get 65 in writing?


computer finds missing words, unnecessary use, mistakes v easily thus, i can say that avoid these and you will go though 65+.

Good luck


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi Sigh, your writing is very very impressive, though, complex because of lot of complex structures and high vocabularies. If you are aiming 79, it is great style of writing, but if you are aiming 80+ better to go with simple, concise and well-structured format which is easy to understand for software. Believe me you will score better then you have expected. Moreover, you can also increase your word counts around 230 for safe side in "Written Discourse".
> 
> Thanks


bro, i am looking for 79+ but i do not know the reason for not getting scores more than 65.
could you please help me explaining and elaborating well- structured format and how to make software to understand.

Will appreciate your support.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> bro, i am looking for 79+ but i do not know the reason for not getting scores more than 65.
> could you please help me explaining and elaborating well- structured format and how to make software to understand.
> 
> Will appreciate your support.


Follow this structure in very simple language you will definitely get 80+. This is given by a fellow who have jumped from 79 to 90 in his last exam. 

-----------------------------------------
Extreme sports such as parachuting, bungee-jumping and scuba-diving have burgeoned to become popular activities today. Some people think that they are good sports for a stronger personality, while others argue they are very dangerous and harmful. I am inclined to believe that these sports are in fact dangerous and they should not be promoted. The following paragraphs will analyse their inevitable dangers and suggest other better sports for people to participate. 

First of all, extreme sports are dangerous and risky. These forms of sports generate high levels of risks and there are always chances of unfortunate events that will happen. For example, there have been a number of youngsters who died from participating in scuba-driving in Texas. Specifically, a research study conducted by Yale University in 2014 has found nearly 4000 cases of injuries from extreme sports in the USA alone. 

Second of all, there are a variety of other forms of sports that are just as exhilarating and interesting as extreme sports for people to play. They not only are safer but also bring to players a feeling of relaxation and entertainment. As an example, sports such as tennis, football and horse-racing are tremendously fun to play and also safe.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that extreme sports are indeed dangerous and there are many other safer types of sports that people should participate in instead. It is expected that people take cognizance of this fact and further, the governments must establish guidelines to educate people about the aforementioned.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Follow this structure in very simple language you will definitely get 80+. This is given by a fellow who have jumped from 79 to 90 in his last exam.
> 
> -----------------------------------------
> Extreme sports such as parachuting, bungee-jumping and scuba-diving have burgeoned to become popular activities today. Some people think that they are good sports for a stronger personality, while others argue they are very dangerous and harmful. I am inclined to believe that these sports are in fact dangerous and they should not be promoted. The following paragraphs will analyse their inevitable dangers and suggest other better sports for people to participate.
> ...


ok will try to follow this pattern. Thanks


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Just a quick question folks, in PTE exam Writing do have to press enter once or twice, i mean after completing introduction paragraph do we have to press enter twice because if we press once it looks as a part of introduction paragraph. Kindly mention your's suggestions.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> Just a quick question folks, in PTE exam Writing do have to press enter once or twice, i mean after completing introduction paragraph do we have to press enter twice because if we press once it looks as a part of introduction paragraph. Kindly mention your's suggestions.



mate,

its always advisable to press button once, if unfortunately, internet speed is low and you press button twice in search of next question, you will bypass that question and there is no previous option.


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> mate,
> 
> its always advisable to press button once, if unfortunately, internet speed is low and you press button twice in search of next question, you will bypass that question and there is no previous option.



Actually, am asking about essay writing when we complete first introduction part, do we have to press enter once or twic in order to start body paragraph. Thats what am asking.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Do you think consumers should avoid over packed products or it is the responsibility of producer to avoid extra packing of products? " Give your views or any relevant example with your own experience.*


Over packed products are in vogue in this contemporary world. Although the food remains safe and fresh in over packing, it also desecrate the sanctity of nature thus, these should be avoided. Not only the consumers should avoid over packed products but also the producers should portray their pity on nature as well as resources and should avoid them.

Firstly, there are ample reasons for the consumers to avoid the over packing products as it is deteriorating the environment where we are living. These packing are transformed into waste material and neither we can burn them due to toxicity nor we can use them in landfills, as they are non-biodegradable.

Moreover, the cost of over packed product is added into the price of thing and makes the product more costly thus, it is sheer wastage of money. Biscuit packing here is a good example. The motive of using tray and colorful packing is to only make the biscuits more costly.

Furthermore, the producers must understand that over packing products need not only more storage space than required but also more transportation system to carry. For instance, the medicines that are packed in many protection packing can be transported in simple one packing hence, useful for all.

To put it in a nutshell, from aforementioned reasons I opine that every person should understand the demerits of extra packed products irrespective of their personal benefits and must avoid them.

total 237

guys, please review


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> Actually, am asking about essay writing when we complete first introduction part, do we have to press enter once or twic in order to start body paragraph. Thats what am asking.


oh.wrongly understood. make 2 enters and then start.
leave one entire line blank.


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## Rab nawaz (Nov 20, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> oh.wrongly understood. make 2 enters and then start.
> leave one entire line blank.


Are u shure, i have spoke to many members they all agree on that press enter once by hitting enter twice is a mistake.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Rab nawaz said:


> Are u shure, i have spoke to many members they all agree on that press enter once by hitting enter twice is a mistake.


My friend got 90 in writing and he suggested me sir.


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> bro, i am looking for 79+ but i do not know the reason for not getting scores more than 65.
> could you please help me explaining and elaborating well- structured format and how to make software to understand.
> 
> Will appreciate your support.


Hi Singh85. I think your style of writing is very complex with heavy vocabulary. Instead you must try to write simple structures. Also, reason for your scoring low maybe that you are using, I think, obsolete words. Just by writing very simple structures with common vocabulary I managed to score 81 in writing, also my word count was between 204 to 215 in both essays.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi, please review my summary guys.


*Passage *
"You feel like the strength of our community on a local level, regional level and then that national level has really just hit home." The massive fire, which tore through the town of Yarloop on Friday, claimed two lives, with authorities discovering the bodies in burnt-out houses on Saturday. The remains are believed to be of a 77-year-old man and a 73-year-old man.
Inquiries are continuing into the whereabouts of one other person still missing. More than 70,000 hectares has been burnt, with 143 properties, including 128 houses, destroyed by the Waroona fire. The Bureau of Meteorology's Adam Conroy said on Saturday the weather situation was starting to look much better than recent days.
"Conditions around Harvey and Waroona are certainly easing tonight, winds are light, only around 10 kilometres per hour and the temperature's dropped into the low 20s and the relative humidity is also quite high and potential for even light shower activity tonight and tomorrow morning," Mr Conroy said.
Department of Fire and Emergency Services incident controller Brad Della Vale said the next 48 hours of favourable conditions would be a crucial time for firefighters. "We need to make sure that we can contain the fire within our current boundaries," he said.
Authorities have updated the watch and act warning for a second fire burning in Dalyup on WA's South Coast. Winds have shifted to a north-easterly direction, causing significant flare ups on the western edge of the fire.

-----------------
*Answer* 
The huge fire has taken lives, injured and burned many people with properties in WA, moreover, weather has been changed suddenly, and it can be important time for the fire rescue to act against the fire.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi experts, please review my essay. Need your valuable suggestion. Am I able to score 65 in writing according to this writing level??

*
ESSAY*
Company’s top level authorities should get their employees in decision making process. Discuss 
——————————————————------------------------------------------------------------------

It is always being feasible to include organisation’s core employees into the decision-making procedures, meetings, and planning. Some companies are always taking the positive contribution of their valuable employees into critical decision-making while some firms believe that upper-level hierarchy decisions should take by the top-level executive members. This substantial influence of involving employees has sparked the controversy over the potential benefits of this trend on decision making in the recent corporate management planning. The following paragraphs will analyse the vulnerable reasons, and thus, will lead to a logical conclusion.

First of all, the conspicuous reason is that employees are the prime resource of the knowledge, and important experiences. Moreover, by inviting employees into the decision-making will boost employees moral, efficiency, and productivity. Also, they will feel their importance of their suggestions and valuable decisions, which makes company’s procedures ease and less arduous. For example, news has shown that an IT giant Microsoft, always calling their entire core staff during the significant decision-making meetings in order to achieve innovative and productive ideas. 

Second of all, Company’s whole work is depend on their employees, thus, if they are not being involved into the critical decision making, they might not well understand the products, and procedures. As a result, they will not feel a part of the organisation, and the firms can lose their effectiveness and productivity. In addition, employees are the one, who are always working with the core processing, so can provide better thoughts and thinking. As an example, statistics has depicted that 70 precent big organisations are successfully running because of this one reason, which provides decisions.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that every organisation should involve their employee into the decision making for better production, efficiency and results.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi, please review my summary guys.
> 
> 
> *Passage *
> ...


i think we cannot write short form like u write WA . rest it is covering all aspects.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi experts, please review my essay. Need your valuable suggestion. Am I able to score 65 in writing according to this writing level??
> 
> *
> ESSAY*
> ...


well written but with some grammatical errors i located.

please correct me if i am wrong.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> Hi Singh85. I think your style of writing is very complex with heavy vocabulary. Instead you must try to write simple structures. Also, reason for your scoring low maybe that you are using, I think, obsolete words. Just by writing very simple structures with common vocabulary I managed to score 81 in writing, also my word count was between 204 to 215 in both essays.


thanks mate ,it will be of great help if you can give me latest vocabulary. you are saying that i should not add new vocabulary in my essays and try to make simple,?


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

It should always be feasible to include an organisation’s core employees in decision-making procedures, meetings, and planning. Some companies always take the positive contribution of their valued employees into consideration during critical decision-making, while some firms believe that upper-level hierarchy decisions should be taken only by top-level executive members. The substantial influence of involved core employees in decision-making has sparked a controversy over the potential benefits of this trend in recent corporate management planning. The following paragraphs will analyse the reasons for this trend, and will lead to a logical recommendation.

First, the obvious reason is that employees are the prime resource of knowledge, and have valuable experience. Moreover, inviting employees into the decision-making will boost employees morale, efficiency, and productivity. Also, employees will feel the relevance of their suggestions and the value of their decisions, which will make their company’s procedures easier and less arduous. For example, news has shown that IT giant Microsoft, always call their entire core staff during significant decision-making meetings in order to achieve innovative and productive ideas.

Second, a company’s whole work is dependent on their employees. If they are not involved in critical decision making, they might not properly understand products and procedures. As a result, they might not feel a part of the organisation, and the company can lose its effectiveness and productivity. In addition, employees are the ones who are always working with core processing, so can often provide better critiques, and more appropriate and effective suggestions. As an example, statistics have shown that 70 percent or big organisations operate successfully because of this one reason, which enables more effective decision-making.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that every organisation should involve their employees in the decision making process for better production, efficiency and results.


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## ashiqcep (Aug 12, 2015)

Please check my essay:

Q. Law can change human behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Human behavior can be modified by education, guidance and strict law enforcement. Humans are the only species who continue to learn until death. Over the period of learning time he fails, succeeds, and overcomes all the obstacles. 
I do agree, strict law and enforcement can change and impact human behavior. From my own experience I have found my own and other people’s behavior has drastically changed due to the strict law.

In Singapore most of the migrant workers are from poor and developing countries. Most of them are not familiar with modern systems, technology and fast paced life, or safety and environmental regulations. A few years back, when we first came to Singapore, one of my friends threw a cigarette butt in the park rather than trash it. As the butt was not trashed in the designated bin, two national environment officers came onto the scene and fined him S$200. Since then, over the last ten years, I haven't found my friend to have made the same mistake again. My friend’s attitude and behavior has been changed by strict law enforcement and the degree of possible punishment.

If law enforcement is effective, reasonably practicable people will follow and appreciate regulations. Some countries don’t have strict rules in terms of safety and health for people working in various industries. That is the reason behind the high rates of fatalities. On the other hand, other countries have implemented stringent regulations to safeguard their workplace and human life, and are successful in minimizing accidents, incidents and near misses. The UK, Netherlands, Norway, and Australia are the pioneers in this group.

In conclusion, Human nature is to break the law, and follow our own mindset. There are some people around who like to do whatever they want. To change these people's behavior there is no other way but to implement strict legislation.


Thanks 
Ashiq


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

ashiqcep said:


> Please check my essay:
> 
> Q. Law can change human behavior. Do you agree or disagree?
> 
> ...


Sorry Ashiq - I thought I had changed a copy of your post, but unfortunately I see that I have edited your post instead (moderators can do that - but I was being careless) - you might wish to re-post your original if you still wish to display it for comparison and have others comment - unfortunately I can't undo the edit.

My apologies!


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## ashiqcep (Aug 12, 2015)

kaju said:


> Sorry Ashiq - I thought I had changed a copy of your post, but unfortunately I see that I have edited your post instead (moderators can do that - but I was being careless) - you might wish to re-post your original if you still wish to display it for comparison and have others comment - unfortunately I can't undo the edit.
> 
> My apologies!


No problem Kaju.
Thanks for the highlighted errors.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Many people think regions affect successful persons, what is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to.
*
ANSWER
Region plays an indispensable role in the development of an individual. Some people believe that the surroundings of the person determine his or her career progression while critics oppose them with reluctant notions. Assertions will be given for both side of contention before delivering a reasonable conclusion.

To begin with the fact, region is hailed as a part and parcel aspect behind successful person. The person will only be rewarded with success if the conditions like infrastructure, like-minded group of people support him or her. 

Moreover, some people migrate from one place to other in search of their fortune. For instance Indian business tycoon Dhirubhai Ambani moved from his hometown to other favorable places, as he was well aware of the fact that a person can only be crowned at renowned places. Not only the person becomes successful but also acts as a role model for others.

On the other side, American president Mr. Barack Obama is an embodiment that contradicts the rubric. Although he was born in a poor family in small village, he overcomes his weakness by his determination. He is albeit a famous personality in this entire world.

To recapitulate, undeniably, the vicinity has a crucial role in the progression of a person but a person can though be a successful through goal orientation.


-------------------
please review I have done some changes in my writing style.


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## kaju (Oct 31, 2011)

Singh85 said:


> *Many people think regions affect successful persons, what is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to.
> *
> ANSWER
> Region plays an indispensable role in the development of an individual. Some people believe that the surroundings of the person determine his or her career progression while critics oppose them with reluctant notions. Assertions will be given for both side of contention before delivering a reasonable conclusion.
> ...


Many people think regions affect successful persons, what is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to.

Not sure what this means, so it 's not a good question in its current form.

Do you mean "Many people think that successful people accomplish that success in part, due to their particular regional background" and do you also mean "What is your opinion about the influence of successful people in their own region?"

Regional background plays a decisive role in the development of an individual. Some people believe that the surroundings of the person determine his or her career progression while critics oppose that notion. Assertions will be assessed on both sides of areas of contention before delivering a reasonable conclusion.

A particular regional background may be hailed as a part and parcel of the development of a successful person. That person will only be rewarded with success if the requisite conditions like infrastructure exist, and if a like-minded group of people support him or her. 

Moreover, some people migrate from one place to other in search of their fortune. For instance Indian business tycoon Dhirubhai Ambani moved from his hometown to other favorable places, as he was well aware of the fact that a person can only be crowned at renowned places. Not only does the person becomes successful but they also act as a role model for others.

On the other side, American president Mr. Barack Obama is an embodiment that contradicts the rubric. Although he was born in a poor family in small village, he overcomes his weakness by his determination. Even with his less than fortunate background, he is a famous personality in this entire world.

To recapitulate, undeniably, regional backgrounds play a crucial role in the progression of a person, but a person can still be successful through orienting themselves to their goals, and adhering to them.


Writing is very often a matter of style - and differences between style are actually a good thing - how terrible it would be if we all expressed ourselves the same way! 

So you may find that some of the above changes reflect a manner of writing, or speaking, which you might not choose, and you should not be afraid to change it. But before you do, look carefully at the tenses, grammar and punctuation changes too.

Think about the words I've replaced too, and why that has been done - does it make the sentence clearer, and easier to read, or not? Aim for simple to read sentences.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

kaju said:


> Many people think regions affect successful persons, what is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to.
> 
> Not sure what this means, so it 's not a good question in its current form.
> 
> ...


Thanks kaju for guiding me. great help.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi guys, can you please review my essay?

*Some people believe that law can change human behavior. Do you agree / disgree?*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Human behavior is bound with their natural instinct and feelings to others. However, some people think that human behavior can amend by imposing ample of laws and regimes while other argues that behavior cannot be changed using limited laws and regulations. I am inclined to believe that low only helps to prevent crime and culprit activities in the human hood, but it is agreed to say that it cannot change human thinking and behavior at certain times. The following paragraphs will analyse the inevitable reasons, and thus will lead to a logical conclusion.

First of all, laws are assisting in preventing criminal activities in every facet of human community. Also, law bonds to citizens of a country to act in certain ways by providing a specific list of the rule of codes. For example, a person cannot murder someone because of criminal act 190, in which he has to face death sentence by the power of low. As a result, individuals stop pursuing activities which lead to major and minor offenses, but it cannot change their thoughts; for example, the person can have hunger of sex, and he/she always behave according to their feelings. 

Second, human nature and behavior are born gift, these cannot be changed at any stage of life span, but indeed, it can be controlled using various regulations. As an example, Darwin has researched that humans have been evolving since past many centuries just only because of their acting, behavior and feelings. Thus, it is certainly true that none of low can stop acting individuals according to their desire into the society. 

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that human behavior has strict relation with predefined lows into the society, though; it does not change their way of behavior and thinking according to their beliefs.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi guys, can you please review my essay?
> 
> *Some people believe that law can change human behavior. Do you agree / disgree?*
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> ...


Dear, some of the mistakes are highlighted but i believe u can write better than this.

good luck.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

HI, can you please review my essay?

*The environment we are living in is in danger due to various problems. What are the underlying causes? Who is responsible to combat this? What measures?*
——————————————————————————————————

The global climate has been changing drastically since past decades owing to numerous reasons and human activities. Some activists believe that environment change is occurring due to global warming while others says that lack of the governments and individuals concentration leads to various atmospheric changes. I am inclined to believe that both the government and individuals are equally responsible for causes and their control. The following paragraphs will analyse the potential causes, underlying responsible authorities, and their measures.

First, the global warming is a prime reasons for the environment change. Also, the global warming leads to rise temperature, melting polar ice, and thus, increasing sea levels. These is happening because of the arduous human activities; for example, people are driving their personal car every day for commuting, which emitting lots of carbon dioxide in the environment, and using fossil fuel.

Second, the govenrments and individuals have to take care of the climate in which they are living in. The governments should run campaigns, and individual have to follow and promote these adverts awareness into the societies. As an example, The USA government, organising “green seminars” every six month in order to think, research and provide optimal solutions to save envrionment, and US citizens are actively becoming members of this seminar clubs. 

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that global warming is a major concern for the nations for the climate change. Thus, both states and folks both have to participate actively in this movement of environment change. It expected that congnisance of this education and further, the governments should establish climate change guidelines to educate people.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Successful sports star and glamorous film starts are a role model for youngsters. Do you support it or not.(Agree/ Disagree.)*

Famous personalities such as successful sports starts and film starts play an indispensable role in the life of youngsters. One thought of school ponders that the youngsters should not make these personas as their role models while critics oppose them reluctantly. Assertions will be given for both sides of the contention before deducing a relevant conclusion.

To begin with the fact, there are numerous consequences that have proven these personalities as a facade. They are partially different in their real life. Moreover, some movies hosted by some glamorous film stars are detrimental for the society. For instance, Sunjay dutt, Indian film star was leading a negative role in a movie and was shown as drug dealer and enjoying his life in jubilation. This exemplifies that the youngsters can be misguided.

In addition to this, famous sportsmen have also been held accused not only for derogatory but also for illegal activities. A renowned international cycling champion was caught for using performance-enhancement drugs during competition thus youngsters should avoid such personalities.

On the other hand, some famous personalities always show respect to human values. Not only they raise their voice for global concerns but also they have soft heart for poor people and animals. Undeniable, in such cases the youngsters should emulate them and cite them as role models.

To recapitulate, from the aforementioned, I opine that there are ample disadvantages that go against the topic but its pros, cannot be ignored. Hence, it is a moot topic thus, difficult to generalize.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guys, please analyse


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> Dear, some of the mistakes are highlighted but i believe u can write better than this.
> 
> good luck.


Thanks a lot Sign. You are seems an good evaluator of writing.


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> thanks mate ,it will be of great help if you can give me latest vocabulary. you are saying that i should not add new vocabulary in my essays and try to make simple,?


I have read essays written by you ( and parthvi ) in previous posts. You use words that are not used commonly in current magazines and newspapers. I think those heavy words sank your boat in writing. I think your level of English is higher than mine. In Ielts also I used very common words ( contrary to other's advice) and surprisingly I scored 7 in writing. I did same in PTE. My overall score was 76 but I am trying to score more than 79 ( even there is no need to do so ).
Actually, one is assessed in PTE by a computer program that assesses us on the basis of certain set structures of English language that are commonly used. Even it doesn't cares about content. Also, if you score less in vocabulary section it has no effect on your writing score ( which is of utmost important to us ). So drop the idea of using heavy words like hot rock.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> I have read essays written by you ( and parthvi ) in previous posts. You use words that are not used commonly in current magazines and newspapers. I think those heavy words sank your boat in writing. I think your level of English is higher than mine. In Ielts also I used very common words ( contrary to other's advice) and surprisingly I scored 7 in writing. I did same in PTE. My overall score was 76 but I am trying to score more than 79 ( even there is no need to do so ).
> Actually, one is assessed in PTE by a computer program that assesses us on the basis of certain set structures of English language that are commonly used. Even it doesn't cares about content. Also, if you score less in vocabulary section it has no effect on your writing score ( which is of utmost important to us ). So drop the idea of using heavy words like hot rock.


Thanks for your advice Jveer. i do not think I am jotting heavy vocabulary, however, I will appreciate if you could help me in giving some structures you are talking about. 

thanks in advance.


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> Thanks for your advice Jveer. i do not think I am jotting heavy vocabulary, however, I will appreciate if you could help me in giving some structures you are talking about.
> 
> thanks in advance.


This is your problem, in the first line you have written word jotting, it is a synonym of writing or composing, but ( you can check in dictionary ) it means something different.
You use words that seem awkward to the native user ( in this case computer program), it sounds like using the dialogues of old movies or serials ( like ramayan, or mahabhart ) in modern time. 
You are well aware of the structures of English language ( you should not worry about them ). In second line you have used word " however " to connect two lines. Only high scorers can do this. 
If you want to check if this would work in the real exam, you can check it by buying online practice test from official site. Score in writing section differs by only 2 -3 marks in real exam. I have checked it twice. Even you can experiment by reducing the content ( but writing good structures ) .


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> This is your problem, in the first line you have written word jotting, it is a synonym of writing or composing, but ( you can check in dictionary ) it means something different.
> You use words that seem awkward to the native user ( in this case computer program), it sounds like using the dialogues of old movies or serials ( like ramayan, or mahabhart ) in modern time.
> You are well aware of the structures of English language ( you should not worry about them ). In second line you have used word " however " to connect two lines. Only high scorers can do this.
> If you want to check if this would work in the real exam, you can check it by buying online practice test from official site. Score in writing section differs by only 2 -3 marks in real exam. I have checked it twice. Even you can experiment by reducing the content ( but writing good structures ) .


I appreciates your critics reply but learnt a lot.Surely I will buy test and check. 
I have also written one essay citing your recommendations. Please review.

Thanks


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*In education system, assessment through written formal education is valid or not.
*

*ANSWER
*
Written formal education plays pivotal role in the assessment of an individual. From the past, these assessments have been pursued to deter the capability of pupil but with the advancement in technology, some people believe this method to be an outdated method. I am firmly inclined in favor of the topic.

To begin with the fact, written formal education system is designed to reveal the capabilities in the students. Not only the pupils improves his or her theoretical knowledge but also it inculcates writing skills in them. For instance, student becomes more expressive in his or her writing skills that will be beneficial for the future.

In addition to this, this method is evaluated and recognized through out the globe. Since the dawn of education, written assignments were the only method of evaluation. For example, there are numerous prestige universities around the world that follows the written assessment method. Thus, a student will not face any difficulty in competing while studying abroad.

On the other hand, other school of though believes that this method has been refuted on the grounds of emulation and other factors. Also, with the advent of modernization and advancement in technology, this method should be transformed. 

To conclude, from the aforementioned reasons, I opine that written formal education system is approved and accepted from past many decades. Although, there should be place for new systems but written system should not be ignored at any cost.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Please review.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi people, can you please review my today's essay?

*Essay 

Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. you opinion. good or bad?*
————————————————————————————————-----------------
A consumerism trend is growing drastically, and popularity of shopping malls is increasing because of ample of convenient and comfortable reasons. Some people believe that this boosting fever of shopping mall ruining the sales of small retailers in the open market while others argue that shopping malls are advance great development. The following paragraphs will analyse the inevitable reasons and examples, and thus, will lead to a logical conclusion.

Firstly, the conspicuous reason is that shopping malls are collection of small retailers at one place with having all facilities such as restaurants, entertainments, variety of item options available. Also, shopping malls are easy to access because it has huge free or minimal fee parking available, which makes customer or visitor’s visit far easy. For example, Westfield is a very popular shopping mall in all around Australia, which convey all these facilities at minimal effort and price as compared other shops.

Secondly, Shopping malls are located near to the central district in every suburb, which provides great option visit place. As an example, people are tend to visit shopping malls for fun, get together, entertainments and more. Thus, shopping malls are becoming very popular in terms of meeting place for innumerable reasons. In addition, many shopping malls always having huge discount sales every end of the month, which attract many customers those are going to local market and paying high price for the same item.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that shopping malls are extremely convenient, easy to access, and providing large set of item ranges to buy for consumers. Thus, it can be said that shopping malls are great development into today’s era.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *In education system, assessment through written formal education is valid or not.
> *
> 
> *Reviewed Essay*
> ...


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *In education system, assessment through written formal education is valid or not.
> *
> 
> *ANSWER
> ...


I read this essay twice. You write good, but you must minimise the usage of " will, would, should, etc " in essay. As these represent uncertainty, it is not a very authoritative way to write an essay using such words. I have changed such sentences ( if you may like ), with some more formal. This is what is called written discourse. A lot in essay depends on that ( and less weightage is give to content and vocabulary) ( at least in PTE) I have omitted the mistakes that are already found by Parthvi


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi people, can you please review my today's essay?
> 
> *Essay
> 
> ...


I have found some mistakes. you must work on your grammar and writing style.


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## dreamsanj (Apr 28, 2015)

Hi all,

New to this thread. so it might be a repetition.

Well I got 74 in writing. I can't attribute all that to my essays but I think some of the things I changed in my approach made the difference.

firstly stick to 5 paragraph or 4 paragraph essay, which ever you are comfortable. Computer looks at your structure of essay and it give some portion of marks.

I saw a video on youtube for essay. it mentioned a strong introduction with Hook, thesis and side. for hook I usually used the quotations related to topic from my knowledge. I googled 50-60 quotes on essays topics and memorised them. Thesis is your definition of the topic. what you think is the definition of the topic. take your sides in the topic introduction.

for body parts. give your key points and examples. these examples have to be global examples unless they ask your own examples. write those examples which are true for atleast 50% of the world. 

to same myself of the loss of marks, after 1st body, I immediately conclude. Why this? Well if I fall short in time and unable to finish then I will loose lot more marks because the structure is incomplete. just 3-4 lines and this saves a big time.

then I return to my 2nd body paragraph. dwell on the otherside and put forth my opinion on them with global or local examples. 
use the simple vocabulary you are comfortable and spell correctly rather than heading to complex ones and making mess.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> I read this essay twice. You write good, but you must minimise the usage of " will, would, should, etc " in essay. As these represent uncertainty, it is not a very authoritative way to write an essay using such words. I have changed such sentences ( if you may like ), with some more formal. This is what is called written discourse. A lot in essay depends on that ( and less weightage is give to content and vocabulary) ( at least in PTE) I have omitted the mistakes that are already found by Parthvi


Thanks veer for hitting at the bulls eye . I appreciate your evaluation. I will take care of not using will,would,should in essay. I was not aware of this. 
Thanks again.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

dreamsanj said:


> Hi all,
> 
> New to this thread. so it might be a repetition.
> 
> ...


Good information dreamsanj.
I will admire if you could give us those hook sentences. 

Thanks


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Singh85 said:
> 
> 
> > *In education system, assessment through written formal education is valid or not.
> ...


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Marketing strategy for some companies is offers and discounts, for some it is reputation. Should consumer goods companies concentrate special discounts and offers to promote their products or they should focus on reputation? What do you think is more important?
*

Market strategies play a crucial role in the development of a company. Some people believe that offers and discounts are the need of the hour to support the company finance while critics oppose with reluctant notions. I firmly advocate that company primary focus must be on offers and discounts that will upsurge its reputation as well.

To begin with the fact, offers and discounts are hailed as indispensable to boom the financial profits. Not only this activity will attract customers to buy discounted products but also the customers will be delighted. Undeniably, discounts will create a cut-throat competition among other brand items of same category. For instance, Nestle, a world wide renowned brand had made discount on coffee, thus, many customers were lured to buy nestle coffee despite they were not regular users. These result will definitely boost the morale of company and hence its reputation.

Apart from this, new companies hit the market with discounts and offers to gain both reputation and popularity. For example, many mobile companies are recently launched in India with heavy discounts and offers and thus, there were huge sales of those mobile phones that were new to Indian mobile market.

On the other hand, another thought of school ponders that in today's brand oriented world a company cannot survive without reputation. However, it must be informed to them that to establish a good customer base, one needs to be popular and it is only possible through offers.

To sum up, from the mentioned reasons, I opine that the important factor behind promotion of products is offers and discount, albeit reputation is also pivotal but that can only come through offers and discounts.


---------
please evalute


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *Marketing strategy for some companies is offers and discounts, for some it is reputation. Should consumer goods companies concentrate special discounts and offers to promote their products or they should focus on reputation? What do you think is more important?
> *
> 
> Market strategies Marketing strategies play a crucial role in the development of a company. Some people believe that offers and discounts are the need of the hour to support the company finance company's finances or to support the company financially while critics oppose with reluctant notions. I firmly advocate that company primary company's primary focus must be on offers and discounts that will upsurge its reputation as well.
> ...


Hi Singh85, if you ask from me your essay's level ( content wise ) is much higher than mine. I never put so much relevant content in my essay. My strategy was to just to reach word limit ( means 200 words) in 20 min. Actually I have written only 204 words ( yet scored 81). With little effort you can surely reach near 90. But you are making same grammatical mistakes ( may be unintentionally ). I have corrected to make them more grammatically correct. 
You are using " will " where present tense must be used.
Will/ would must be used when you are discussing the outcome of some current action in future. 
I think a well written essay ( not content wise ) without grammatical mistakes crosses 79 mark (even with spelling mistakes and less but relevant vocabulary). 
You improved a lot and I am sure your next essay would be near 90 essay.
I am taking so much interest in essays because I would loose 5 points after May ( because of age ) if veassess delays my assessment I may have to take the test again ( to score 79 + in each currently my speaking score is 72 ( minimum of all)
I am doing so to keep in touch.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> Hi Singh85, if you ask from me your essay's level ( content wise ) is much higher than mine. I never put so much relevant content in my essay. My strategy was to just to reach word limit ( means 200 words) in 20 min. Actually I have written only 204 words ( yet scored 81). With little effort you can surely reach near 90. But you are making same grammatical mistakes ( may be unintentionally ). I have corrected to make them more grammatically correct.
> You are using " will " where present tense must be used.
> Will/ would must be used when you are discussing the outcome of some current action in future.
> I think a well written essay ( not content wise ) without grammatical mistakes crosses 79 mark (even with spelling mistakes and less but relevant vocabulary).
> ...


Thanks jveer for evaluation. i am admired from your checking skills.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi, can anyone please review my essay here?

*Essay: Time taken: 20 Min

The mass media including TV, Radio and newspaper influence our society and shape our opinions and characters. What is your opinion?
—————————————————————————————————————————*
The mass media have started the era of information, communication and knowledge sharing with the globe. The influence of mass media suach as radio, newspaaper, television and many more has sharpen the people’s characters and opinions in many facets of life. Some poeple believe that invention in the mass media have greatly influenced today’s communities and societies while others argue that the mass media have plenty of adverse effects on the people’s mind. I am inclined to believe that the mass media have certainly inspired people in terms of thoughts and behaviour. In the following paragraphs, I will analyse the inevitable reasons, and thus, will lead to a logical conclusion.

Firstly, in the today’s time, people are watching, reading and listening television, newspaper and radio respectively in order to gain knowledge, information and news. Moreover, people are also learning many vital things from television, which is helpful for them to change their characters and habits. For example, American television show provides series of treatment on how to quit smoking and drugs addiction, and people are watching it, and trying to be addiction free.

Secondly, newspaper and radio provides various talk shows and articles on new research and development on ample of topics, which are exremely important to learn and implement in education or academics. As an example, research shown that University of Sydney recommends their students to read and listen newspaper and radio respectively in order to improve their academic assessments.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that it can be indeed say that the mass media has influenced our society in this fast growing technological time to improve our behavior and ideas. It is expected that the cognisance of fact and further, the government must establish the guidelines to easy access the mass media in every society.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

*Nowadays TV has become an essential part of life. Medium to spread news and awareness and for some it acts like companion. What is your opinion about this?
*

In today's contemporary world, television plays an indispensable role in the life of people. Some people believe that television is a boon for mankind but critics oppose this notion. They are protesting against television. I firmly advocate in the favor of television.

To begin with fact, television has revolutionized the world and turned the world into global village. It is not only the fastest medium to spread news and other important information to common populace but also it acts as store house of knowledge. For instance, there are numerous news channels that aware the viewers about the happenings around the globe. Many people take the help of television to get information about the desired place before travelling.

In addition to this, for peoples like housewives, retired and old people and empty nesters, television acts as great companion. It not only breaks the monotony but also improves their knowledge and skills. A case in point is of various cookery channels and shows that enhances the skills of cooking in housewives.

On the other hand, another school of thought argues that television is bone of contention for various health problems and it distracts viewers from their prime task, however, they must keep in mind that excess of everything is bad, thus, limited use of television has ample advantages.

To sum up, from the mentioned reasons, it is propounded that there are copious advantages of television that inundates its cons, thus, I opine that television is true companion of people.

----------------------------------------

evalute please.


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

Singh85 said:


> *Nowadays TV has become an essential part of life. Medium to spread news and awareness and for some it acts like companion. What is your opinion about this?
> *
> 
> In today's contemporary world, television plays an indispensable role in the life of people. Some people believe that television is a boon blissing for mankind but critics oppose this notion. They are protesting against television. I firmly advocate in the favor of television.
> ...


You improved phenomenally. I think this is an example of perfection ( 90 score essay). I was able to find only few mistakes ( not whole sentences like before) only after scrutinizing in the second reading. I think boon should be replaced with blessing. Also inundates seems inappropriate to me so I suggest overshadows. 
Even with the mistakes I think this essay can score 79 + 
As you have written a 247 words essay. Are you comfortable with writing so long in about 17 - 18 minutes. 
Or alternatively you can cut the essay to close to 210 words ( I bet you would not loose score but you would have more time to recheck. 
I am just suggesting but you know your speed. ( because it is important to keep an eye on time.)


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## jveer (May 28, 2015)

parthvi said:


> Hi, can anyone please review my essay here?
> 
> *Essay: Time taken: 20 Min
> 
> ...


Hi Parthvi, this is a 300 word essay. you should not write so long ( the more you write, the computer would find more mistakes). Overall the essay was good ( content wise) but I think written discourse wise this essay can't be called the best.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

jveer said:


> You improved phenomenally. I think this is an example of perfection ( 90 score essay). I was able to find only few mistakes ( not whole sentences like before) only after scrutinizing in the second reading. I think boon should be replaced with blessing. Also inundates seems inappropriate to me so I suggest overshadows.
> Even with the mistakes I think this essay can score 79 +
> As you have written a 247 words essay. Are you comfortable with writing so long in about 17 - 18 minutes.
> Or alternatively you can cut the essay to close to 210 words ( I bet you would not loose score but you would have more time to recheck.
> I am just suggesting but you know your speed. ( because it is important to keep an eye on time.)


true , i must cut down words and give time for proof reading.
anyhow thanks for evaluation and for your guidance.


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## Singh85 (Aug 19, 2015)

Guys 2 new topics came recently in exam.

1. Monogamy has increased divorce rate in the world. give options for this issue and various solutions ?

2 cultural shock is new worrying concern for immigrants.what are options to eradicate 

any answers?.


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## ArchV (Aug 25, 2013)

Subscribing.

Do you guys keep that spreadsheet on google drive with the recent essay topics that have shown up? If yes, could you share its link.


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## parthvi (Jan 23, 2015)

Hi, can you guys please criticize my essay? 

*
In under developed countries, tourism has disadvantages and can be said the opposite as well. Do you agree or not?*
——————————————————————-------------------------------------------------------------
The popularity of tourism has increased drastically since past many years. It is agreed to believe that tourism is a great source of income for the developing countires while some people argue that tourism has far negative impacts on the under developed nations. I believe that indeed tourism helps the developing countires to move forward, and in economic benefits. In the following paragraphs, I will analyse the inevitable reasons, and thus, lead to a logical conclusion.

First of all, the conspicuous reason is that tourism attracts abound of travellers from various countries to visit developing host nation. As a result, this trend brings more income, and employment opportunities in the developing countries. As an example, Taj Mahal is a great wonder of the world in India, which attracts thousands of tourists all around the globe every year.

Secondly, tourism spreads popularity of the developing nations in the world, and thus, will develop the cultural exposure at international level, which brings them into the limelight. This might help them to get all relevant assistance form the developed nations. As an example, Himalaya is very famous for mountain tracking, which has created great popularity among the western countries. Apparently, government of Nepal is getting a lot aids from other developed nations to sustain the tourism trend.

In conclusion, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that tourism is very significant for the develoing countries in many facets, thus, it it expected that the cognisance of fact and further, the government must establish the guidelines to increase tourism popularity.


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## ankur_21 (May 7, 2016)

Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to?

Many things contribute to make a person successful and as many people think, region is one of the many contributor. There are other factors like one’s motivation, hard work, capability, determination etc.

Native region has varied effect on its population depending upon whether it is an urban city or rural. People are bound to follow things which they see in their surroundings. People living in an urban city has more chance to excel in life as the city provides better opportunity, environment and people to look forward to as compared to rural city. For example, cricketers in Indian Cricket team are majorly from metro cities, one person influence others to strive hard and achieve success. While on the other hand in rural areas there is no such environment and opportunities, people major goal is to earn their daily bread. Hence native region influence and person influence are complimentary to each other.

While there are several instances where people from rural background has excelled in different parts of life for example Dhiru Bhai Ambani started Reliance Industries being from a poor background, even our Prime Minister Narendra Modi belonged to rural areas of Gujarat and worked hard to climb the ladder of politics.

Thus native region and person influence on each other is a factor to success but one’s hard work, determination is what makes a person really successful.

Can you please evaluate my essay.


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## ankur_21 (May 7, 2016)

Do you think the consumer should avoid over packed products or it is the responsibility of the producer to avoid extra packaging of products?” Give your views or any relevant example with your own experience.


Average Life expectancy, the mortality rate of human beings have increased due to advances in medical science. Is it a positive development and what could be the possible disadvantages of ageing population would have on individual and society? In the below paragraphs I would bring out the points to discuss both the questions.

Increased mortality rate, isn’t it everybody’s dream to be alive and not dead. One would love to have their family members alive and well at any cost. In my opinion it would be considered as positive development for most. I would like to share my personal experience for the same, my grandfather of pneumonia died while my father was only 15 and my grandmother died of cancer even before I was born and my father was only 22, he would have given anything to save them if only medical science would have advanced like it is today.

Coming to the disadvantages of the ageing population, there are few of them I would like to list down like the ratio of aged to younger will increase. With fast paced changing environment, aged people are likely to fall behind and thus hamper the growth for example government organization lacks growth compared to private organization which favors more young people.

Therefore, increased mortality rate has better effect on people and their emotional behavior and the disadvantages of ageing population can be overcome with proper motivation and guidance to have aged people think alike and with time of young people.


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## ankur_21 (May 7, 2016)

	The environment we are living in is in danger due to various problems…so who do u think should be responsible for solving it? Is it the governments, organization or each individual?

In the entire universe, it is our planet earth which supports life form. Are we aware of this huge accomplishment? If yes, are we doing justice to the beautiful nature with which we are bestowed? I believe the answer is NO, our environment is in constant danger due to the actions of government, organization and every individual.
We have been destroying our mother nature in one way or other. Who should take the responsibility of rejuvenating our mother nature, is it the government or an organization or every human being of planet earth. As we all are responsible, everyone needs to do one’s part in reviving environment.
Government needs to enact tougher laws and practice those to curb pollution. Organization and people need to follow the laws and help government. Organization should check their factories machineries and reduce wastage production and follow proper disposal of wastage. Government needs to check periodically that organization are abiding by the rules. People should dispose of garbage in garbage bin, reduce use of plastics, need to plant more trees and educate people about how to save you environment.
Saving our environment and bringing it back from the danger zone needs to be collective effect of all be it government, organization or human being, because it is we all who live here and would gain from this collective action. 

Please review


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## az1610 (Apr 24, 2016)

*The claim that animals have ‘rights’ has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? Do you agree or disagree?
*

There has been considerable debate on the issue of animal rights since the 1970s. While many consider zoos beneficial for animals, others refute the idea by claiming that zoos are harmful for animals and therefore should be banned. In my opinion, I believe that zoos are definitely important for both, animals and humans.
Firstly, many animal species are on the verge of extinction. For instance, according to statistics revealed by World Wildlife Organization, each year number of pandas and white tigers has been decreasing drastically. Thus, to counter this issue a zoo plays a pivotal role in saving the endangered species. It is the responsibility of zoo officials to provide optimum living conditions and implement appropriate breeding techniques to increase reproduction.
Secondly, zoos can be a great source of gaining knowledge. For example, a trip to a local zoo can be a lot more convenient and informative rather than visiting a jungle to see your favorite animals. Usually there are many animals in a zoo which people don’t get a chance to see in urban areas. Hence, zoos play a crucial role in increasing public awareness. 
To conclude, as it is clear from the arguments mentioned above, I disagree with the idea that zoos should be banned. For both, human and animal welfare, more zoos should be operated.


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## az1610 (Apr 24, 2016)

*Team sports are generally promoted as a great way to keep fit and build character. However, sporting events such as soccer are often accompanied by violence between rival supporters and other forms of antisocial behavior. If sporting events lead to antisocial behavior, can team sports be good for us?
*
Team sports are an effective way to enhance fitness levels and develop key qualities such as leadership, discipline and team work. However, at times sporting events can lead to antisocial behavior and violence due to intense rivalry between supporters. Still, I strongly believe that team sports can be beneficial for us as merits of team sports outnumber its demerits.
Firstly, team sport is not only valuable for participating players, but also for the general public. It is an effective way to unite people. For instance, a match between Chelsea Football Club and Manchester United, two of the most renowned football teams of this era, can attract huge number of fans to the football ground. Last time when the two teams met, more than 75,000 people came to see the match. When people get together for a common goal, in this case, support and cheer for their respective team, such sporting events increase warmth and sincerity between people. Thus, team sports do play a key role in bridging gaps between people.
Secondly, acts of ruthlessness due to such sporting events can be minimized to a great extent. For example, FIFA, the international governing body of football, has revised its laws regarding violent behavior on the field by participants or supporters. It has enforced harsh penalties for anyone found guilty of antisocial conduct. Such policies not only reduce the amount of undesirable acts, but also teach to respect authorities. Additionally, as team sports players are highly admired by their fans, these players can help reduce the violence by spreading awareness of the negative impacts of such acts among their supports.
To conclude, the arguments mentioned above further fortify that team sports are indeed helpful for us. The violence accompanied with team sports is a rare occurrence and should not hinder the growth of team sports.


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## az1610 (Apr 24, 2016)

experts please evaluate


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## ozzzy (Aug 1, 2018)

*Appreciate help*

Hi all, 

Appreciate your guidance and support : 
Task :

The environment we are living in is in danger due to various problems…so who do u think should be responsible for solving it? Is it the governments, organization or each individual?

It is an undeniable fact that today’s world is in a grave danger due to various reasons. While there are many reasons behind these problems, an imminent solution to these is not available. In order to provide a better world for next generations we must work all together including governments and corporates. This essay will provide some ideas on how we can tackle this task. 
First, we must establish the root-causes behind the environmental problems. Main three problems are global warming, excessive consumption of natural resources and building a lot of hydro-dams which alters the nature of rivers and lakes. Despite majority of the people agree that these are the main problems behind the problems with our nature, not all of governments and profit-making organizations agree over it. There must be a consensus among all regulatory bodies and companies so that solutions could be implemented. 
Second, once we establish the consensus among all the main stakeholders, we need to establish a task team to combat these main problems. A governing board must be established and needs to oversee all strategic decisions. Under governing board regional counsels could be formed to manage daily activities and monitoring the progress of implementation of solutions. Finally, governments must update their citizens regularly over the actions executed. A matrix style organization should be established.
Third, once the global organization is established to combat the problems. First solution could be to pass an international law which may enact reduction of global warming. Second solution could be that we increase the awareness thru continuous education online and advise how every human being can make small but important contributions in this war.
This essay discussed the sources of global environmental problems and advised multiple of ideas on who to combat these.


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## kdpillai (Jul 4, 2018)

ozzzy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Appreciate your guidance and support :
> Task :
> ...


The essay looks good content wise. at the end always try to finish with In conclusion, to conclude like that. Try not to brief too much in the middle. keep it simple between the sentences. try to use more of idioms and phrases and proverbs in between. 

try to write like intro, 3 para on your supporting points, one point against and then conclusion. also dont use short forms all the words needs to be in full form.

regards


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## ozzzy (Aug 1, 2018)

Thanks a lot, how much would you give for this 65+ or 79+ ?


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## kdpillai (Jul 4, 2018)

ozzzy said:


> Thanks a lot, how much would you give for this 65+ or 79+ ?


Sure bro. There are lots of grammatical mistake. conclusion and the previous para was not clear enough. I guess it would be 65+ but not 79+.

but having said that your points are good. only need to refine the sentences. good luck


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## ozzzy (Aug 1, 2018)

Thanks again, what would you advise to improve this up to 79+ ? you can guess why I am after 79+


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## kdpillai (Jul 4, 2018)

ozzzy said:


> Thanks again, what would you advise to improve this up to 79+ ? you can guess why I am after 79+


u

Definitely bro I can. I was in the same boat 2 months back. I have made some points shall send you through private message. Let me know if is helpful


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## csdhan (Apr 27, 2018)

ozzzy said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Appreciate your guidance and support :
> Task :
> ...


Your content is good but I feel your thesis is not precise enough and the content is all over the place. Also proper structure is not followed, packing the essay with good content is not enough. Less content with proper structure will always score 79+ but the same is not true for the other way around. 
Also, always conclude your essays. That's a big chunk of marks you lost for not adding one line extra!
For grammar you can use grammarly to check. Overall 65+ without conclusion, 79+ with conclusion.


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