# Advice from Parents of Bilingual Children



## Helenameva (Aug 15, 2014)

My 3 (nearly 4) year old daughter is refusing to speak in English more and more. I speak to her in English and we watch films and some TV in English and she understands it, but she doesn't want to speak it and is starting to forget some words. I've tried playing dumb and telling her I don't understand her if she speaks to me in Catalan or Spanish but she knows I'm lying.

I just wondered if other parents who have gone through this (I know it's common) have any advice.

Thanks.


----------



## xabiaxica (Jun 23, 2009)

Helenameva said:


> My 3 (nearly 4) year old daughter is refusing to speak in English more and more. I speak to her in English and we watch films and some TV in English and she understands it, but she doesn't want to speak it and is starting to forget some words. I've tried playing dumb and telling her I don't understand her if she speaks to me in Catalan or Spanish but she knows I'm lying.
> 
> I just wondered if other parents who have gone through this (I know it's common) have any advice.
> 
> Thanks.


Just go with it 

Keep speaking to her in English, even when she speaks to you in Spanish or Catalán, keep reading to her in English & watching films in English & she'll be truly bi/tri-lingual.

Both of mine went through this (that's one reason I was determined to learn Spanish myself!). Some parents I know insisted on extra English lessons for their kids, but imo that isn't necessary at such a young age, it just causes confusion, & it's the Spanish they really need for school anyway. The English will come.

My girls are 16 & nearly 20 now - they were 4 & 7 when we came here. Spanish is pretty much their first language, but they are native English _and_ Spanish speakers!

Don't worry about her forgetting some English words - you'll find that you will eventually too ...I know I struggle sometimes with English words that I would habitually say in Spanish


----------



## kalohi (May 6, 2012)

Helenameva said:


> My 3 (nearly 4) year old daughter is refusing to speak in English more and more. I speak to her in English and we watch films and some TV in English and she understands it, but she doesn't want to speak it and is starting to forget some words. I've tried playing dumb and telling her I don't understand her if she speaks to me in Catalan or Spanish but she knows I'm lying.
> 
> I just wondered if other parents who have gone through this (I know it's common) have any advice.
> 
> Thanks.


My husband is Spanish, and my children (who were born here and are now 23 and 20) are very nearly bilingual. I say 'very nearly' because they have never lived in an English speaking country and because they have never studied in an English speaking school, so their vocabulary isn't nearly as extensive as a true native speaker's. But for all practical purposes they are bilingual.

Anyway, both of them went through phases like you're describing, especially my eldest. And in particular I can remember it happening when he was just about the age that your daughter is. We too tried all sorts of things to get him to speak English with us, but he'd clam up, or cover his ears, or even have an out and out tantrum over it. Unfortunately for us it was really hard back then to bring English into the home (no dual language TV's or DVD's, no internet videos, no Amazon to buy children's books in English) and we had no English speaking friends with children for him to play with. So I felt like it was me fighting alone against an ocean of Spanish. But I kept on speaking English with them, plus we spent a month every summer in the States with my American family, and somehow or another they've ended up being 'nearly' bilingual.

My advice would be to keep on speaking English to your daughter, and surround her with English books, TV, etc to keep it fresh, but not to insist on her answering you back in English. If you turn it into a battleground it could become a battle of wills. If you could find a playgroup of English speaking children that would be the best thing to motivate her to actually speak English - is there an International Women's Club in your area? They very well could have a playgroup, or know how to direct you to one. 

Good luck!


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

Any English friends who can come and play???

Jo xxx


----------



## Helenameva (Aug 15, 2014)

Thanks for the advice. I'll stop fretting over it, gently trying to persuade her to speak in English, but not make a big deal of it. I usually read the bedtime stories and try to get her to tell me about the objects in the pictures. It's better than nothing. She's the only English kid in the village so no other opportunities to speak in English at the moment.

Thanks again.


----------



## Madliz (Feb 4, 2011)

My kids were 2 & 4 when we moved here from the UK. My husband was half English and half Spanish. They went to 'bilingüal' nurseries and then schools, where, because we live in a very Spanish area, they had maybe one other native English speaker per class. Basically, other than the 70% of lessons in the English language, all the rest was Spanish - playground, lunch, play with friends after school, etc. We made the decision to speak only English at home, to give them the best chance of keeping their English up to scratch, knowing that Spanish would quickly become the language of choice otherwise. Having Sky as well as Spanish tv helped!

Since there was no other option at home, there was never any dissent. They ended up 'English' to any English speakers and 'Spanish' to hispanoparlantes. My own Spanish didn't improve much, however! 

My son went to uni in England and now works in London, while my daughter lives in the south of Spain. I have met many families where a lone British parent has relented and spoken Spanish at home, and their kids now speak Espanglish' or 'English as a foreign language', with a Spanish accent, because that is what they have learnt at school. I also have Spanish friends with relatives who have gone to work in the UK. Their children now return with them for holidays in Spain and cannot speak Spanish with their family here. 

I would persevere, be hard if need be. It is such a blessing to speak 2+ languages fluently. My son and daughter acknowledge now that it could be hard when they were younger, but they are grateful now, and appreciate the gift they have.

A good friend of mine has written a blog about her experiences raising bilingüal children which you might find interesting. They were born here to their Argentinian parents, went to state schools and have gone on to study, in English, in several different countries in the world.
I brought up bilingual children - English for Life Courses


----------



## 90199 (Mar 21, 2010)

jojo said:


> Any English friends who can come and play???
> 
> Jo xxx


She needs a Ruby friend


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

Hepa said:


> She needs a Ruby friend



HHmmmmm.. Actually Ruby was pretty much fluent in Spanish, but wouldnt ever admit it to me. 

Jo xxx


----------



## Chopera (Apr 22, 2013)

Youtube is your friend. And splashing out about 40€ on a chromecast or similar will put youtube on your telly (if it isn't already a smart tv). Then up to an hour a day of Maisy, Peppa, Octonauts or whoever should be enough. Preferably it should be a character who "only speaks English" (i.e. one they don't already watch in Spanish). Also Clan TV has lots of English TV (both the TV channel and the website/app) and if you have a VPN you can also try CBeebies.

In short there are tons of ways of exposing young children to practically any language these days. The slight downside is that not every parent is comfortable with their kids watching so much TV but there has to be a compromise somewhere, and it's quite easy to avoid the trash. If you buy some toys based on the characters, they should also start re-enacting episodes in English (with help if necessary).

That on it's own won't be enough to make a child bilingual of course, so as already suggested it might be necessary to turn your household into an "English only" one, especially if your child is having to tackle 3 languages. There's the motivational aspect to consider as well - if the child wants something then they only get it if asked for in English. Also if possible, the occasional week in the UK with cousins works wonders.

Finally - don't worry and don't get angry with them (easier said than done, I know). I have a friend whose daughters barely spoke English until they were about 4, yet by the time they were 6 English had become their preferred language. Each child has their own way of learning, at their own pace, and you have to go with the flow a bit.


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

.....and what about English films, videos, tv programs.....

Jo xxx


----------



## Chopera (Apr 22, 2013)

A 3 (or 4) year old has an attention span of between 10 and 20 minutes, so it depends on the films, videos, tv programs, etc. If they are too long or too complicated the child might be put off. We used to buy plenty of DVDs, but soon discovered that all the content was on youtube anyway and the chromecast soon paid for itself. With youtube the child can find what works for them, and view whatever they want whenever they want and, if you have a smart phone, wherever they want.


----------



## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

Chopera said:


> A 3 (or 4) year old has an attention span of between 10 and 20 minutes, so it depends on the films, videos, tv programs, etc. If they are too long or too complicated the child might be put off. We used to buy plenty of DVDs, but soon discovered that all the content was on youtube anyway and the chromecast soon paid for itself. With youtube the child can find what works for them, and view whatever they want whenever they want and, if you have a smart phone, wherever they want.


A bit of "peppa pig" might do the trick????

Jo xxx


----------



## Chopera (Apr 22, 2013)

jojo said:


> A bit of "peppa pig" might do the trick????
> 
> Jo xxx


Exactly. A few weeks ago we were in a restaurant in Madrid and we noticed that about 4 tables had children watching Peppa on smart phones.

On top of that there are plenty of smart phone apps out there to help kids practice English as well.


----------



## Helenameva (Aug 15, 2014)

Our problem is more to do with her not wanting to speak English. She has always understood it well enough because I speak it to her and is happy to watch films or tv programmed in English. The problem is she speaks it less and less and so her ability to speak fluently is diminishing.

I haven't taken her back to the UK the last couple of times I've been because they were short trips and I didn't want her to have to do such a long journey for just a few days. But I think I will have to make sure I do it often so that she uses English more.

But I won't get too obsessive about it, just watch it carefully without forcing it.

Thanks everybody for your input.


----------



## thrax (Nov 13, 2008)

Our son (5) refuses to speak Spanish with us but is nearly fluent at school and sometimes we catch him speaking Spanish with his friends. My OH is now very good with Spanish (mine is improving, but slowly) so she can converse with him in Spanish but he usually replies in English. Reverse of what the OP has but we just call it a phase (haha).


----------

