# Breaking the moving news



## TallTJ (Jan 19, 2013)

Hello All!! I am already so appreciative of this group and what I've learned through just the past few days of researching previous posts! I have some questions, but I think the one that is currently on my mind the most is how we're going to tell our families we're moving half a world away. We have 3 little boys (9 mos- 4 yrs) and I am wondering how the grandparents are going to take the megachange. 

How did you tell your families the news, how did it go? Were they respectful and encouraging? Discouraging of such a big big move?? I appreciate your input!!


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## jsharbuck (Jul 26, 2012)

Yes it was interesting telling the family. Half took it well and were supportive. My Mom said that if we moved she would rewrite her will to remove me from any inheritance. My oldest son who never called all of a sudden was upset at the distance between us.
Reassure them that your move has been well thought out and the reasons you have dedided to move. quality of life for your kids is probably a big one. Set up Skype on their computer. This will allow face to face contact and will help them accept your move. We chat with our grand daughter quite often. Give them time to accept and understand your move and don't let anyone from doing what you feel is right for your family. 
Best of luck on your move, you will love it here.


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## escapedtonz (Apr 6, 2012)

TallTJ said:


> Hello All!! I am already so appreciative of this group and what I've learned through just the past few days of researching previous posts! I have some questions, but I think the one that is currently on my mind the most is how we're going to tell our families we're moving half a world away. We have 3 little boys (9 mos- 4 yrs) and I am wondering how the grandparents are going to take the megachange.
> 
> How did you tell your families the news, how did it go? Were they respectful and encouraging? Discouraging of such a big big move?? I appreciate your input!!


Good question TallTJ,
Yes that is such a difficult thing to tell people.
We let the adults of family and friends know as soon as we started the process - I suppose to give them time to get used to the idea and we involved them in the process as we went along.
The majority were very supportive of our decision and reasons for going, but saying that we did have some difficulties with a couple of members of my family.
One caused by sibling jealousy and the other from a parent who only cared about how our move affected them.
Caused 18 months of stress on that score with a couple of major fall outs on the way and to tell the absolute truth there are still issues and not much contact with those people.
With the others we get by using Skype and planning visits. Also in regular contact on Facebook, posting pictures of our adventures etc.
We have the In-Laws over with us now and some friends (house full at the moment) and my Mum planning to come this Christmas and we should have a steady stream of visitors for a few years yet before we feel the need to visit the UK.
For the kids that are close to us we told them maybe a month before we came out. That was probably the hardest but they took it really well. A couple of sleepless nights and questions to their parents - one asked that we get her a killer whale - real one, not a toy and if we did then she'd be happy! Ha Ha
All in all we feel happy that so many of our friends/family supported us. By far outweighs the disappointment that a couple of my family only thought of themselves - selfishness in huge proportions! Their loss, we won't lose any sleep.

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## CarolUk (Jul 28, 2012)

Thought I would share my experience of telling family, my mother, 81 was the best, she took it all in her stride, telling us that we should go for it & if it didn't work out, we should either find somewhere else in the world or come back to the uk!!! The rest of the family were ok, nothing negative was said to us. I say just go for it, your kids will have the time of their life.


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## ClemClan (Oct 8, 2009)

We had 100% support from all our friends - may be they were glad to see the back of us, hahaha - no they we're all great.

Our parents were great too - positive and encouraging and telling us we have to do what's right for us. They knew they'd travel out to see us and I think that made a difference. If situations were different and they knew they wouldn't be able to, I think it could have been harder. 

As with a previous post I've read - everyone knew right from the off what we were planning to do, they had at least a year to get used to the idea. Siblings didn't really say much, they never said anything negative, but didn't say much either, if that makes sense! 

Do what makes you happy in life and don't feel guilty or put-off because of what others, family or not, may say! Good luck with your move


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## SAAG (Oct 18, 2012)

TallTJ said:


> Hello All!! I am already so appreciative of this group and what I've learned through just the past few days of researching previous posts! I have some questions, but I think the one that is currently on my mind the most is how we're going to tell our families we're moving half a world away. We have 3 little boys (9 mos- 4 yrs) and I am wondering how the grandparents are going to take the megachange.
> 
> How did you tell your families the news, how did it go? Were they respectful and encouraging? Discouraging of such a big big move?? I appreciate your input!!


We are still at least a year or two away from making the move (due to my having to write a licensing exam to practice there), but I wanted to prepare my family for it ahead of time, hoping they'd get used to the idea more easily.

We also have young kids (6 and 4 yrs old).

Anyhow, my father thinks we are being "irrational"... my mom thinks that children ought to live near their parents until the parents pass away. My brother (who moved from Canada to the southern United States) thinks that we are wrong to move away also - interesting coming from someone who has himself moved away, don't ya think?  My sister wishes we wouldn't move, but has been supportive to my face (not sure if that is how she really feels, or if she may be criticizing us behind our backs).

We haven't told my husbands family yet, mainly because we know they will be supportive, so there is no need to let them "get used to" the idea - they are just different from my family that way... ie. they don't think children have an obligation to never move away. We'll tell them when it gets closer to being a done deal.

Anyhow, we'll just stay the course... keep trying to make my family understand that our moving away is not a sign that we don't love them or something... try to make them understand that moving away doesn't mean I'm an ungrateful child or some such thing...


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## mikesurf (Nov 7, 2012)

I think this all depends on your relationship with your family. 

I notice that a lot of people post things like ¨they did not contact us before but now feel pissed because we have gone¨ or ¨we only saw them once in a while anyway¨.

We were in New Zealand for around 6 years but both myself and my wife had close relationships to all our family and friends and this is one of the many reasons why we decided to return to the Europe. Everyone supported our decision to go however we missed what was important to us. We just found the benefits of returning far outweighed any negatives.

New Zealand is very far away from everything and it is understandable that family may feel a little agrieved but as I say I think this depends on your relationship.


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## MrsRose (May 23, 2012)

Welcome to the forum. 

MY husband and I have not yet applied for our visas, but we're really interested in moving to New Zealand. We'll be visiting there in March to see it for ourselves and if all goes well, we'll be applying as soon as we get home. 

We've expressed our desire to our family and friends about moving to the other side of the planet, and have been met with both support and resistance. (mostly resistance, unfortunately)

My parents have been understanding, and fairly supportive...though it's obvious they don't want us to move. But many of our friends , though they haven't actually said as much, make it pretty obvious they they don't agree with our desire to move so far away. 

I think it has made things easier though, to tell everyone long in advance so that they have more time to get used to the idea. I think they would have been shocked and very upset if we waited until we were ready to move to tell them. 

Anyways, best wishes to you guys!


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## kiwigser (Mar 1, 2011)

MrsRose said:


> Welcome to the forum.
> 
> MY husband and I have not yet applied for our visas, but we're really interested in moving to New Zealand. We'll be visiting there in March to see it for ourselves and if all goes well, we'll be applying as soon as we get home.
> 
> ...


Your parents reaction is what I would expect from caring family members, they wish the best for their children. 

True Friends would say they will miss you, but understand that its a big world out there and you have to give these things a try, and can they come out to visit you.

The negative ones, I would think about their motives, is it jealousy, or are they afraid of getting out of their comfort zone. Sorry to judge your friends you know them better than I.


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## escapedtonz (Apr 6, 2012)

kiwigser said:


> Your parents reaction is what I would expect from caring family members, they wish the best for their children.
> 
> True Friends would say they will miss you, but understand that its a big world out there and you have to give these things a try, and can they come out to visit you.
> 
> The negative ones, I would think about their motives, is it jealousy, or are they afraid of getting out of their comfort zone. Sorry to judge your friends you know them better than I.


I'd say your bang on Kiwigser with your synopsis of people's behaviour.

As I said in my previous post we've experienced two separate issues from members of my family....

My sister for one who we know to be just plain jealous. She had the opportunity to come to NZ with her family some years ago but didn't do anything about it as she would have never survived without help from our parents etc looking after the kids so they could work/socialise.
She is the typical born, grow up, live and die in the same town sort of person unlike me. I couldn't wait to get out into the big wide world.
My mum often tells me that my sister has been jealous of everything I've done all my life even though she's 3 yrs older and has had the means to do anything she wanted?

Second issue is with my father and step mum who basically didn't approve of us going to the other side of the world cos they don't want to travel here to see us!

All our other family members and friends have been fantastic. 
Very supportive and pleased for us even though no one wanted us to leave and they will obviously miss us.
We miss friends and family massively but they can always visit anytime and we'll see them again when we go back to the UK eventually.

You have to live your own life and do what you feel is right.
You can't live it for everyone else as it will just make you miserable and make you resent people for holding you back.
This move has been the hardest, saddest, most exiting but best decision of our lives. 
Watching our 23 month old thrive here is all the justification we need.

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## TallTJ (Jan 19, 2013)

Thanks so much everyone- I really appreciate everyone's different stories, we've told the first bit of family and they took it just like we thought they would which was a good thing, here's hoping the other side doesn't take it like we think they will! :boxing: I think we'll do what many of you mentioned in just telling immediate family/close friends for now, since we're just at the beginning stages of this journey and telling everyone once it's super official. 

Encouragement is so awesome, thanks a bunch, that made it a little less scary to get the "news ball" rolling.


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## ccazzam (May 9, 2012)

In my experience don't tell them until very close to the time you're intending to go. Our family knew for 6 months and it was like we had a long illness and were expected to pass away! It being so long was a strain on everyone.

Also make sure their IT kit is set up and running so they can use Skype etc. 

In honesty, I found this the worst part of emigrating, but when we got here the family realised that its not the other side!


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