# No kids?



## casualcaveman (Jan 8, 2013)

Hi All,

This is possibly an unusual topic, but it's becoming an important one for me.

Basically, I don't want kids, and so that means I'd like to find a partner who (A) doesn't have any and (B) is ok with continuing not to have any.

For the last 3 years, I've lived in Ecuador, which has its pros and cons, but one of the biggest cons for me is that there are very few local women in category A (they start early!) and almost zero in category B.

Are the demographics any more favorable in the Philippines? 

Thanks,
CC


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## Dumbo (Feb 24, 2009)

Hi casualcaveman, Had to chuckle about your problem. Don't know about the Philipinnes but have the same situation here in Thailand. Goodluck in your search


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

*Kids*



casualcaveman said:


> Hi All,
> 
> This is possibly an unusual topic, but it's becoming an important one for me.
> 
> ...


Because of the (Catholic) culture and the effects of it for the 300 plus years that Spain ruled the country, I would say it would be difficult like Ecuador and probably even more difficult to find since the Philippine family is so interdependent on each other as well as dependent on their children for support when they grow old. 
That said, I'm sure it is possible to find a woman who "says" that no kids is okay. The concern is that she would then do all in her power or ability to get pregnant after marriage.
So a simple answer to your question on the demographics being more favorable here, the answer would be no.
Here is a pretty good site I located on having a Filipina Wife.. Thought it might shed some light on the culture you would be marrying into..



Gene


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

Gene and Viol said:


> Because of the (Catholic) culture and the effects of it for the 300 plus years that Spain ruled the country, I would say it would be difficult like Ecuador and probably even more difficult to find since the Philippine family is so interdependent on each other as well as dependent on their children for support when they grow old.
> That said, I'm sure it is possible to find a woman who "says" that no kids is okay. The concern is that she would then do all in her power or ability to get pregnant after marriage.
> So a simple answer to your question on the demographics being more favorable here, the answer would be no.
> 
> ...


I agree with Gene. That is a great read on the link you put out! The attitude is that they are not a "complete" woman without a child and that the relationship is not 100% fulfilled without a child. A lot of women here also prefer to have a mixed child as they feel that they have a better chance in life.


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## Dumbo (Feb 24, 2009)

Gene, Thank you very much for the, Having a Filipina Wife it was very interesting. I wish some of the expats here in Thailand would read it as the Thai family culture is very much the same. My Thai wife is a gem.


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## ILoveAFilipina (Dec 21, 2012)

Gene and Viol said:


> Because of the (Catholic) culture and the effects of it for the 300 plus years that Spain ruled the country, I would say it would be difficult like Ecuador and probably even more difficult to find since the Philippine family is so interdependent on each other as well as dependent on their children for support when they grow old.
> That said, I'm sure it is possible to find a woman who "says" that no kids is okay. The concern is that she would then do all in her power or ability to get pregnant after marriage.
> So a simple answer to your question on the demographics being more favorable here, the answer would be no.
> Here is a pretty good site I located on having a Filipina Wife.. Thought it might shed some light on the culture you would be marrying into..
> ...


That 'having a Filipina wife' article you linked was really interesting to read and I 'got' most of it. A really well written and interesting viewpoint. 

The only part where it came off as a bit strange was the being a manly man bit. I know several Filipino families (unrelated to my loved one) and saw many examples of the women 'heading up' the family. It's not a big issue but reading that made me think that I need to be more 'macho' than I actually am... Maybe it's just an Aussie thing! ;-)


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## Dumbo (Feb 24, 2009)

I think it means to lead, be decisive. Not macho


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

I'm glad everyone has enjoyed the article. Just happened to find it by chance on a web search. Most of it hits pretty close to true I believe. 
Maybe it's just me, but I've never felt the need to act or play the macho role in my marriage. I have found that marriage works best when it is an equal partnership with neither of us trying to over-rule the other or to exercise dominion over my wife. There is peace and harmony in the home and we tend to make better decisions that way as the choices and decisions made are designed to benefit our household including the children.

Not having it in front of me, I think someone here made a comment or asked a question about why Filipina women try to "run" the house or marriage? Not sure if I have the wording or exact idea correct. But in answer to that idea; what I see in the Philippines is this: Most and I say most in meaning from what I have seen and also as an investigator for 7 years on the local Brgy Police is that for the most part, when the men (local men) have or have control over the money in a marriage, they tend to blow it on women, gambling, and liquor-usually in that order. So the women try to control the pesos to insure there is enough to feed the family and pay whatever bills there might be.
My wife has handled our finances for the 10 years of our marriage and even paid my bills for me while I still lived in the states from here online and by mail for several years before we were married. She has always been much better at it that me and is fantastic at budgeting. So for me, it was the natural thing to do and it works well. Guess I'm just one of the lucky ones...



Gene...


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## Mug (Sep 28, 2012)

I was 45 and my wife 40 when we married, and when she got to the USA a year later her main goal was to become pregnant, but at her age and having had no children previously, it was unlikely and did not happen. 18 years later it still makes her sad that she never gave birth to a blue-eyed FilAm child. She was the youngest of 7 children, worked overseas for 11 years, and having no children came home to take care of mom. Of course she still helps many members of the extended family, and expects others to do the same. She became very upset when a niece we helped put through nursing school decided to have children in RP rather than earn money abroad to help others get what she had been given. It would seem the only way to avoid having children is to have a wife who is too old or physically incapable of having children. Even then the adoption idea is given life.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

*Kids Etc*



Mug said:


> I was 45 and my wife 40 when we married, and when she got to the USA a year later her main goal was to become pregnant, but at her age and having had no children previously, it was unlikely and did not happen. 18 years later it still makes her sad that she never gave birth to a blue-eyed FilAm child. She was the youngest of 7 children, worked overseas for 11 years, and having no children came home to take care of mom. Of course she still helps many members of the extended family, and expects others to do the same. She became very upset when a niece we helped put through nursing school decided to have children in RP rather than earn money abroad to help others get what she had been given. It would seem the only way to avoid having children is to have a wife who is too old or physically incapable of having children. Even then the adoption idea is given life.


Good points here in your post. Even in the states, having a child being in the 40's is considered as a high risk pregnancy. So perhaps it is better that risk was not presented for the two of you.
On the interdependence of society, I can understand why it is needed while at the same time I disagree with it being in place. I have strong opinions as to why this place is the way it is and how it got started. But, if I write about it---I'd have to ban myself :tape2::banplease: Society here is set up to where it is needed for survival, even in today's world and is a classic example of why the country does not really progress. It's impossible to get down the road if your parking brake is set. Same with always having to support the older members of ones family. Our children are being raised here to be completely independent so that this cycle will be broken; at least in our family and they will have a good chance at life living elsewhere when they are adults...


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

Gene and Viol said:


> Good points here in your post. Even in the states, having a child being in the 40's is considered as a high risk pregnancy. So perhaps it is better that risk was not presented for the two of you.
> On the interdependence of society, I can understand why it is needed while at the same time I disagree with it being in place. I have strong opinions as to why this place is the way it is and how it got started. But, if I write about it---I'd have to ban myself :tape2::banplease: Society here is set up to where it is needed for survival, even in today's world and is a classic example of why the country does not really progress. It's impossible to get down the road if your parking brake is set. Same with always having to support the older members of ones family. Our children are being raised here to be completely independent so that this cycle will be broken; at least in our family and they will have a good chance at life living elsewhere when they are adults...


Another thing that they do not understand is how many men in the 40s/50s really want to be dealing with a teenager in their 60s? I for one do not. I can just imagine how much of a pain my teen would be (based on my performance at that age) hahahaha. 

I think that is great that you are teaching your kids to be independent. That will pay huge dividends for them, creating better opportunities and you can still foster the tight knit family but they are better prepared.


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