# New to this... Hello & Gay LIfe in Spain?



## northwestlads

Hi, Just found your forum. Got some good advice from it - thanks. Thought I would say hello to all.

Thinking of relocating to spain with my boyfriend and was wondering what life really is like for two gay men living together in spain. I expect like eveerywhere the big cities are better, i know for holidays we have always had welcomes in most european counties but what is life really like for gay men in Spain? Better than the UK? On a par?

We come from a small town here with some negative views and after getting an inheritance we want to relocate to somewhere we can be perhaps a bit more ourselves with a view to long term setting up a restaurant or bar when the time is right.

Any opinions would be good, thanks, and hello to all again


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## jojo

northwestlads said:


> Hi, Just found your forum. Got some good advice from it - thanks. Thought I would say hello to all.
> 
> Thinking of relocating to spain with my boyfriend and was wondering what life really is like for two gay men living together in spain. I expect like eveerywhere the big cities are better, i know for holidays we have always had welcomes in most european counties but what is life really like for gay men in Spain? Better than the UK? On a par?
> 
> We come from a small town here with some negative views and after getting an inheritance we want to relocate to somewhere we can be perhaps a bit more ourselves with a view to long term setting up a restaurant or bar when the time is right.
> 
> Any opinions would be good, thanks, and hello to all again


Hi and welcome to the forum. I dont think your "gayness" will be an issue, Sitges, near Barcelona is apparently "the place" for single sex relationships tho????Altho I'm sure anywhere would be just fine!!? More importantly, if you have to find work, that could be more of a problem as there is mass unemployment here??! Altho if you have professions and have the ability to speak and write in Spanish, then you may have a head start??

Jo xxx


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## MaidenScotland

My daughter lives outside a small village, her friend and next door neighbour is Spanish and gay, 2 miles along the road other friends who are a gay couple rent out an adjoining apartment advertised as gay friendly. There doesn't seem to be an issue in this area.


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## country boy

Torremolinos seems to encourage that sort of thing.


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## Stravinsky

country boy said:


> Torremolinos seems to encourage that sort of thing.


"That sort of thing"?


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## MaidenScotland

country boy said:


> Torremolinos seems to encourage that sort of thing.




Pleased to hear it


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## xicoalc

Welcome to the forum!

I am one of them there gays (doing "that sort of thing") hehe

I find Spain to be absolutely brilliant. In general Spain is a very multi-cultural and multi-everything society. Don't forget here that instead of the "civil partnership" system like in the UK, Spain had the balls to call it marriage (I believe one of the first countries to do this).

I live in a small village just outside of Benidorm and am by no means the "only gay in the village". In all the years I have travelled to spain and indeed lived and spent time here I have never had a problem.

All the major cities have some kind of gay area - Barcelona, Madrid, Alicante, Sitges (as previously mentioned), Benidorm of course and many more. In my experience, even in the more rural areas it is not an issue on the whole.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed but in general the Spanish people are much more "animal" in their instincts. In the UK two "straight" men would usually greet with a handshake, but the spanish are different - they are much more huggy, and touchy feely. I have recently started dating a Spanish guy and when in public he has no issue with holding hands etc (something i was always shy to do), and NOT ONCE has there been a problem.

Visit spain, visit loads of areas and find where you feel comfortable. It's a greta place to live whether you are gay, straight, white, black, purple, or have 2 heads - everyone does tend to mix more. I feel in Spain people socialise with a much more diverse range of people than in the UK. I have friends of all nationalities and from all walks of life from the local bin man to consultant doctors where as in the UK you tend to mix with peers (well i found this anyway)

Back to topic - YES being gay is NOT an issue in the slightest in any aprt of spain I have been to! Research your area carefully, and good luck!


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## northwestlads

thanks for the replys
we were almost chased out of the town we live in here in england last year, very messy. i know spain is more cultured but nice to get good feedback. dont know if i will have the guts to hold hands in public though but nice to know some people can! we have been to sitges last year for a couple of weeks and it was very very gay but its somewhere slightly less in your face we want to go to. somewhere with a good nightlife nearby but jsut where we can live a normal life and be accepted without to many issues


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## xicoalc

Very sad - the things you talk about in the UK. I highly doubt you would experience anything like that here in Spain.


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## jojo

I'm surprised that there is still a problem with same sex relationships! In fact I'll go as far as to say that I'm not keen on using the word "gay" because its a bit of a label - even in my local town back in the UK, they used to have a "gay pride" event, which altho fun, I felt was a bit patronising. Its now referred to as just "pride". The need to make it a public issue to make it acceptable has gone IMO!?? 

If people love each other and are happy then that good enough for me. I'd rather see two people kissing than fighting! And I think thats how Spain views it!

Jo xxx


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## xicoalc

jojo said:


> If people love each other and are happy then that good enough for me. I'd rather see two people kissing than fighting! And I think thats how Spain views it!
> 
> Jo xxx


Well said Jo! And i think you are right - Spain agrees with you! :cheer2: (ooh no, cheer leaders, careful.. the forum may turn camp!)


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## 90199

Even where I live, on the edge of the flat world, there are a couple of Argentinian boys that have started a florists business near to the cemetery. These two are generally accepted, the more feminine of the two is a complete and utter clown. I find it somewhat amusing when they refer to each other as "Mi Marido" (My Husband). I find the people here are very tolerant, they must be to put up with the likes of me!

Hepa


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## northwestlads

thanks for the advice


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## country boy

Stravinsky said:


> "That sort of thing"?


20 Torremolinos gay bars, clubs, sauna and hotels - Gay map and guide 2010


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## Alcalaina

Not sure if anyone has pointed this out already, but Spain legalised gay marriage years ago. It is a very open and tolerant society, even in small villages - possibly the result of forty years' cruel repression under the fascist regime.


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## mrypg9

We're two gay women and have never experienced any problems in the UK, Prague or Spain. Sorry to hear you have to endure bigots.
Since coming here just under two years ago we have made many straight and gay friends. We haven't met any other women, just men, but then we don't choose our friends on the basis of their sexual orientation as I'm sure you don't.
Sitges is indeed the gay 'Mecca' (am I allowed to say that without bringing a fatwah on my head?) but most larger towns have a good gay scene.
Not that we know first-hand, we're past it.....
Most people have got more to think about than other people's sex lives, mercifully.
We suspect our dog is bisexual......


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## xicoalc

mrypg9 said:


> We're two gay women and have never experienced any problems in the UK, Prague or Spain. Sorry to hear you have to endure bigots.
> Since coming here just under two years ago we have made many straight and gay friends. We haven't met any other women, just men, but then we don't choose our friends on the basis of their sexual orientation as I'm sure you don't.
> Sitges is indeed the gay 'Mecca' (am I allowed to say that without bringing a fatwah on my head?) but most larger towns have a good gay scene.
> Not that we know first-hand, we're past it.....
> Most people have got more to think about than other people's sex lives, mercifully.
> We suspect our dog is bisexual......


hello! you are right not many gay women around, I only know about 5 in Benidorm which has a huge gay scene!

what kind of dog you got? i think one of mine is a little bit quiffy so perhaps they could meet - ooh could this be the first doggy romance on expatforum.com? :clap2:


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## mrypg9

steve_in_spain said:


> hello! you are right not many gay women around, I only know about 5 in Benidorm which has a huge gay scene!
> 
> what kind of dog you got? i think one of mine is a little bit quiffy so perhaps they could meet - ooh could this be the first doggy romance on expatforum.com? :clap2:


A very macho Rhodesian Ridgeback. 54 kilos of muscle, a gentle giant, as Jo will testify.
There are photos of him in my album, take a look.


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## xicoalc

mrypg9 said:


> A very macho Rhodesian Ridgeback. 54 kilos of muscle, a gentle giant, as Jo will testify.
> There are photos of him in my album, take a look.


oh hes a cutie!

i ahve 2 huskies. I also have a rotty (the one i am suspicious of) and hes bout 45kg so a better match i think!

i feel like cilla black!!! :hug:

i can;t believe this topic has gone from "will i be accepted in spasin" to doggy dating!!!!!!


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## mrypg9

jojo said:


> I'm surprised that there is still a problem with same sex relationships! In fact I'll go as far as to say that I'm not keen on using the word "gay" because its a bit of a label - even in my local town back in the UK, they used to have a "gay pride" event, which altho fun, I felt was a bit patronising. Its now referred to as just "pride". The need to make it a public issue to make it acceptable has gone IMO!??
> 
> If people love each other and are happy then that good enough for me. I'd rather see two people kissing than fighting! And I think thats how Spain views it!
> 
> Jo xxx


Ah...if only everyone were like you, Jo....
When the UN Secretary-General resigns I'll put yer name forward
But seriously, there still are pockets of ignorance and bigotry as I know from casework which is why we need anti-discrimination laws, sadly.


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## xicoalc

mrypg9 said:


> Ah...if only everyone were like you, Jo....
> When the UN Secretary-General resigns I'll put yer name forward
> But seriously, there still are pockets of ignorance and bigotry as I know from casework which is why we need anti-discrimination laws, sadly.


this is very true but I think here we need to generalise... in general a gay couple can walk down the street and be themselves here, or go out somewhere and hold hands and be normal in pretty much any part of spain... generally never a problem on that score... :happy:


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## VFR

northwestlads said:


> Hi, Just found your forum. Got some good advice from it - thanks. Thought I would say hello to all.
> 
> Thinking of relocating to spain with my boyfriend and was wondering what life really is like for two gay men living together in spain. I expect like eveerywhere the big cities are better, i know for holidays we have always had welcomes in most european counties but what is life really like for gay men in Spain? Better than the UK? On a par?
> 
> We come from a small town here with some negative views and after getting an inheritance we want to relocate to somewhere we can be perhaps a bit more ourselves with a view to long term setting up a restaurant or bar when the time is right.
> 
> Any opinions would be good, thanks, and hello to all again


There is a small bar Nr Xativa that is run by a couple of gay lads who do quite well & are well liked by the locals as well as us expats.
I hear that they are thinking of selling and doing something else in the area (could be worth a visit)


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## xicoalc

playamonte said:


> There is a small bar Nr Xativa that is run by a couple of gay lads who do quite well & are well liked by the locals as well as us expats.
> I hear that they are thinking of selling and doing something else in the area (could be worth a visit)


forgive my ignorance, where exactly is Xativa? Never heard of it!!


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## Pesky Wesky

steve_in_spain said:


> this is very true but I think here we need to generalise... in general a gay couple can walk down the street and be themselves here, or go out somewhere and hold hands and be normal in pretty much any part of spain... generally never a problem on that score... :happy:


I think people _*are*_ generalising, and perhaps a bit too much ??
Somebody somewhere said there are pockets of bigotry everywhere, and that's what _*I*_ think is true. Probably homosexual people are pretty much accepted in Spain, but you can bet if my MIL saw two men walking down the street holding hands in Bilbao where she lives she'd say something very embarrassing (embarrassing to me I mean) and in a very loud voice. I've already been to Chueca with her (gay area in Madrid), so I have experience!! There will always be people who will, lets say, not be accepting as I'm sure you know.


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## xicoalc

Pesky Wesky said:


> I think people _*are*_ generalising, and perhaps a bit too much ??
> Somebody somewhere said there are pockets of bigotry everywhere, and that's what _*I*_ think is true. Probably homosexual people are pretty much accepted in Spain, but you can bet if my MIL saw two men walking down the street holding hands in Bilbao where she lives she'd say something very embarrassing (embarrassing to me I mean) and in a very loud voice. I've already been to Chueca with her (gay area in Madrid), so I have experience!! There will always be people who will, lets say, not be accepting as I'm sure you know.


ooh yes but you can say/do things to make them feel even more embaresed!!! jeje


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## jojo

Pesky Wesky said:


> I think people _*are*_ generalising, and perhaps a bit too much ??
> Somebody somewhere said there are pockets of bigotry everywhere, and that's what _*I*_ think is true. Probably homosexual people are pretty much accepted in Spain, but you can bet if my MIL saw two men walking down the street holding hands in Bilbao where she lives she'd say something very embarrassing (embarrassing to me I mean) and in a very loud voice. I've already been to Chueca with her (gay area in Madrid), so I have experience!! There will always be people who will, lets say, not be accepting as I'm sure you know.


They'll always be folk who disapprove of something or other, be it single sex relationships, inter-racial relationships, inter-agest relationships, inter-religious relationships.........., , but their voices are not the majority anymore and can mostly just be ignored. I get annoyed with my kids cos altho they're not in the least bit bothered about "gays" in reality, they and their peers do tend use the word "gay" in a slightly derogatory way, you know, silly things like when my son is being a baby, my daughter will tell him to stop being "gay"!!! I think thats why I dont like the word. Altho that said she calls him alsorts of other far worse things and vice versa.

Jo xxx


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## Pesky Wesky

jojo said:


> They'll always be folk who disapprove of something or other, be it single sex relationships, inter-racial relationships, inter-agest relationships, inter-religious relationships.........., , but their voices are not the majority anymore and can mostly just be ignored. I get annoyed with my kids cos altho they're not in the least bit bothered about "gays" in reality, they and their peers do tend use the word "gay" in a slightly derogatory way, you know, silly things like when my son is being a baby, my daughter will tell him to stop being "gay"!!! I think thats why I dont like the word. Altho that said she calls him alsorts of other far worse things and vice versa.
> 
> Jo xxx


Agree Jo


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## xicoalc

jojo said:


> They'll always be folk who disapprove of something or other, be it single sex relationships, inter-racial relationships, inter-agest relationships, inter-religious relationships.........., , but their voices are not the majority anymore and can mostly just be ignored. I get annoyed with my kids cos altho they're not in the least bit bothered about "gays" in reality, they and their peers do tend use the word "gay" in a slightly derogatory way, you know, silly things like when my son is being a baby, my daughter will tell him to stop being "gay"!!! I think thats why I dont like the word. Altho that said she calls him alsorts of other far worse things and vice versa.
> 
> Jo xxx


that's kids - i think any kids growing up in this part of the world are educated to be far more liberal minded than the UK. and hey... even I call people "gay" in a derogatory way!


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## VFR

steve_in_spain said:


> forgive my ignorance, where exactly is Xativa? Never heard of it!!




Játiva - Wikipedia, la enciclopedia libre


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## dunmovin

my personal view is "live and let live", and my biggest problem is dealing with biggots of any size shape or form, regardless of target of their biggotry What I would say to you northernlads, is that Spain is probably a less "hostile" place for you.

What you do with your lives, is your concern and no one has the right to judge, interfere or criticise.


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## JeanP

From what I have seen on holiday in Barcelona with my now ex girlfriend homosexuality seems very much open and accepted compared to other countries. I remember we found ourselves at this nightclub/bar somewhere in Barcelona which we were attracted to by the liveliness only to find out that it was a gay bar. Nonetheless we spent a good couple of hours in there and had a blast.


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## northwestlads

thanks for all ur advice guys nice to watch the banter in here seems like a friendly place! i hope this is a general reflection of the expat community in spain!


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## xicoalc

The expat comunity is kind of social and good in my experience, and you will meet ALL nationalities - we all seem to get on well BUT try to mingle with the spanish because ultimatey to fit in here with real life I think you need to try to fit in with the locals as much as possible!


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## mrypg9

Pesky Wesky said:


> I think people _*are*_ generalising, and perhaps a bit too much ??
> Somebody somewhere said there are pockets of bigotry everywhere, and that's what _*I*_ think is true. Probably homosexual people are pretty much accepted in Spain, but you can bet if my MIL saw two men walking down the street holding hands in Bilbao where she lives she'd say something very embarrassing (embarrassing to me I mean) and in a very loud voice. I've already been to Chueca with her (gay area in Madrid), so I have experience!! There will always be people who will, lets say, not be accepting as I'm sure you know.



It was me wot said it!! And it's true, of course, because as Jo says, there will always be people who get uptight about something or another.
In general that doesn't bother me - thought is free - but hate speech and aggressive behaviour, whether in the form of discrimination in the workplace or actual physical violence is another thing altogether.
So...I don't mind people believing or even saying that in their opinion homosexuality is sinful, immoral or whatever but when it comes to punishment by being buried up to the neck and stoned as in Sharia Law methinks a mild protest is in order...
Gay-bashing is a serious problem in many parts of the UK, as is racism, and I noted in last week's 'Sur' that a gay man was beaten up in Torremolinos. Gay people are still discriminated against in the workplace and in the provision of goods and services. 
Legislation now exists that can give redress and financial compensation if a case is judged positively at Employment Tribunals and County Courts.
So we mustn't think that all is sweetness and light for LGBT people anywhere in the world although some countries are more enlightened than others -Spain, Canada, the Netherlands, France, Germany and the UK spring to mind. Even the Czech Republic allows Civil Partnerships.
As for the use of the word 'gay' in the pejorative sense: teachers are making a huge effort to point out that this is as offensive as other terms of racist or sexist abuse. Parents and other adults should reinforce the fact that it is unacceptable as it is insulting. Not 'un pc (whatever pc means -most people who decry it couldn't define it) but just plain rude and offensive.


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## mrypg9

steve_in_spain said:


> The expat comunity is kind of social and good in my experience, and you will meet ALL nationalities - we all seem to get on well BUT try to mingle with the spanish because ultimatey to fit in here with real life I think you need to try to fit in with the locals as much as possible!


I don't like the use of the word 'community'.  People talk of the 'gay community' or the 'black community' as if they were clearly defined groups with common interests which they are not. Gay people and black people are sharply differentiated in terms of class (yes, still!), income, education, tastes and so on. Being gay or black isn't sufficient grounds for identifying with other gay or black people any more than having ginger hair is.
I am most certainly not part of any immigrant community. ( I identify as an immigrant not an 'expat'. When Somalis who come to live in the UK are called expats I might change my mind). I have met British, German, Dutch people and others that I like because of their personal qualities. I've also met some of the kind of people I hoped I'd left behind in the UK.
I'm living as an English immigrant in Spain in a Spanish street with Spanish neighbours in a Spanish village. Insofar as I am a member of any 'community' I would say the community is my village.


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## jd2222245

Why can't the United Arab Emirates be like Spain? We still have time!


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## jojo

jd2222245 said:


> Why can't the United Arab Emirates be like Spain? We still have time!


Maybe you should apply for a job in Spain instead of the UAE if you prefer the lifestyle???? - not that there is much work here

Jo xxx


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## piglet2spain

My husband and I as in man and wife go to Stitges regularly. The people are friendly and it does seem to be gay dominant but a wonderful place there are a lot of bars and a great beach and it would be a fantastic place to start up a business. I would recommend you go and see for yourself. We love it and we have never seen any trouble there.
We are going to open a boutique b & b and will welcome gay people hope you can come and visit us. Good luck


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## Merseybob

northwestlads said:


> thanks for the replys
> we were almost chased out of the town we live in here in england last year, very messy.


That is horrible must be somewhere filled with narrow minded bigots.!!
Anyway hope you find somewhere you guysf eel safe in.

Friends of ours (Gay) live near Almedinilla running a small B&B, they keep them selves to their selves and don't have any bother.

I would guess a rule of thumb from the info they gave was If you don't advertise it and trumpet from the rooftops then no one will really "give a fig".
There will however due to human nature always be possible problems with some people.

Regards Merseybob and good luck


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