# ¿Donde son las guapas?



## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

OK, let me just say that this thread is serious, even when I realise not everyone will answer in a serious way ...



Having been single for quite a while, I sorta would like the idea of experiencing some proper romance again. Not talking about sex or one nighters or whatsoever, we talk about serious relationships.

Since arriving in Spain I met some absolutely fabulous young ladies who however all had a boyfriend  Add to that that being autistic I have problems with approaching strangers and starting conversations, add to that a language barrier, and you can see that my dating attempts have been failures so far. 

Another issue maybe more specific to me is that I tend to fall for quite shy girls who are passionate about travel, other cultures, and arts. This means, to meet such women, you need places where conversation is the main thing, rather than dancing or drinking. The number of social places/public places which are not in the nightlife category but which cater that arts-and-travel loving crowd seem quite hard to trace although I cannot imagine they don't exist.

Now the question: where to locate these places?



PS: I am reluctant to dating sites even when for an autistic, lack of body language involved makes things somewhat easier. The thing is, I am sceptic towards feeling attracted to a person whom you only talk to through bits and bytes - not romantic at all and especially you may get a very false impression.

PS II: sites such as loquo.com are a "NO!!" because it seems to be a serious task to weed the fake ads from the serious ones...

PS III: repeating myself but just to avoid useless responses: NOT interested in flirts or one-nighters, only in long-term relationships that are serious.


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## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

romance and relationships are usually found when you're not looking for them or dont want them

jo xxx


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## kaz101 (Nov 29, 2007)

jojo said:


> romance and relationships are usually found when you're not looking for them or dont want them
> 
> jo xxx


That's so true Jo!


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

Tends to be true but I've been telling that to myself for about 5 years so when no progress happens, maybe I gotta change approach just a bit? Maybe I'm just not going to the right places or so? I mean, it's a matter of letting things happen, that's true ; but sometimes you gotta just push luck in your direction just a tiny bit.


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

gerrit said:


> Tends to be true but I've been telling that to myself for about 5 years so when no progress happens, maybe I gotta change approach just a bit? Maybe I'm just not going to the right places or so? I mean, it's a matter of letting things happen, that's true ; but sometimes you gotta just push luck in your direction just a tiny bit.


I don't think you should change your personality or your "pulling" technique Gerrit. I know you say you have autism, but your skills of communication are obviously no problem (although sometimes the written word is a lot easier, I know) judging from your posts here on the forum. Don't force it - just carry on socialising (if you're out and about) and I'm sure you'll build up a friendship which could then turn into something else....just take your time. Maybe once you've got that group of people you tend to hang out with, they'll be thinking "oh, I've got a friend who would be great for you" or something!! But I agree with Kaz and Jo - just don't make it obvious that's what your interested in and things will just happen naturally. You're only 28 hon!! There's someone out there for everyone as they say....tired cliche I know.....

Tallulah.x


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## nigele2 (Dec 25, 2009)

Gerrit I think you are right. Get out there, get active. But not woman hunting but doing the things you like, things that say something about you.

I mean I don't know if you are into rock climbing but if you scaled the townhall naked without ropes I'm sure more girls would take note than if you simply sit and wait  OK not a serious suggestion but as an example I met the love of my life by learning Spanish on the internet. I communicated with all sorts from South America to Madrid, both male and female. It was only after practising for 3 months that we met. 

My step daughter is rather shy but two years ago we took up scuba diving. She met lots of guys that took her fancy. OK nothing permanent but she had fun times.

Anyway I wish you luck with your quest. Just remember that there are about 40 million potentials out there and you only want one, (hope my arithmetic is correct)


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

Tallulah said:


> I don't think you should change your personality or your "pulling" technique Gerrit. I know you say you have autism, but your skills of communication are obviously no problem (although sometimes the written word is a lot easier, I know) judging from your posts here on the forum. Don't force it - just carry on socialising (if you're out and about) and I'm sure you'll build up a friendship which could then turn into something else....just take your time. Maybe once you've got that group of people you tend to hang out with, they'll be thinking "oh, I've got a friend who would be great for you" or something!! But I agree with Kaz and Jo - just don't make it obvious that's what your interested in and things will just happen naturally. You're only 28 hon!! There's someone out there for everyone as they say....tired cliche I know.....
> 
> Tallulah.x


If only I had a pulling technique ... 


Just regarding the autism ... That's the big difference between the online world and the offline world. Online you engage in topic-specific discussions where also body language plays no role. Offline there is body language to be counted in, and also conversations may cross the boundaries of a specific topic and be less structured, which makes it a bit harder for someone in the autism spectrum. On a forum people don't see me having panic attacks, doing the OCD rituals and such ... I openly talk about the OCD, the autism, the depressions, but even when being open someone may be surprised on the impact it has if the person was not familiar with these conditions before through someone they knew.


That said, I can be very talkative in the right situations. That's why I say that if I'd be dropped amongst a group of girls who are all fascinated by travelling or arts, I'd probably engage in a coversation fluently. But unfortunately most public places cater a different public, more like a disco or party atmosphere and that's exactly the type of place where I feel very alienated from everyone else. If I'd know where to find those girls who share my interests, it'd be much easier to engage in conversations and maybe see something develop (that is, if they're not having a novio already )


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## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

you're worrying about it too much! Just go and do the things you enjoy doing. The autism thing shouldnt be a problem - Its a broad spectrum issue and from what I've seen, you're pretty much at the "normal" end of the scale - so you're possibly just a normal insensitive male LOL!!!! My exhusband had OCD and various other silly issues (maybe he was in the autism spectrum??? who knows!??).

IMO, the one thing that puts women off is someone who's needy or desperate. So chill and live your life!!!

jo xxxx


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

We'll try.  But I think forums make people underestimate the impact of being neurodifferent. Seriously, it makes social life very very complicated. An overwhelming amount of autistics frequent discussion forums because it's a safe haven to meet people, away from the real world where we will always be the different one. I learnt tricks to cope better with the autism, but then the OCD rituals and depressions are probably still turn-offs for girls that would cross my path.

If only debate groups for singles only would exist... *dreaming away*


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## dunmovin (Dec 19, 2008)

gerrit said:


> We'll try.  But I think forums make people underestimate the impact of being neurodifferent. Seriously, it makes social life very very complicated. An overwhelming amount of autistics frequent discussion forums because it's a safe haven to meet people, away from the real world where we will always be the different one. I learnt tricks to cope better with the autism, but then the OCD rituals and depressions are probably still turn-offs for girls that would cross my path.
> 
> If only debate groups for singles only would exist... *dreaming away*



have you ever tried using IRC? Dalnet has so many channels there has to be something that will give a common ground


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

IRC is an option I thought of, but doesn't it come down to pretty much the same as online dating sites? I mean, I haven't used IRC in a while now but I never thought of it as a dating tool, more like as a variant of online forums where people exchange info.



Well, yesterday a friend of mine revealed that she's single and we have some common ground: our passion for arts. However, she's also very busy and spreads her time between this city and other places, so I don't think this will leave the "just friends" zone. I was amazed to hear she's single because she's both "muy guapa" and "muy sympatica", and usually those girls are rarely single.


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

gerrit said:


> IRC is an option I thought of, but doesn't it come down to pretty much the same as online dating sites? I mean, I haven't used IRC in a while now but I never thought of it as a dating tool, more like as a variant of online forums where people exchange info.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, yesterday a friend of mine revealed that she's single and we have some common ground: our passion for arts. However, she's also very busy and spreads her time between this city and other places, so I don't think this will leave the "just friends" zone. I was amazed to hear she's single because she's both "muy guapa" and "muy sympatica", and usually those girls are rarely single.


Hmmmm so she "revealed she was single" eh?! Gerrit!!! Could be a sign, you never know....... Don't want to get your hopes up obviously, but I dunno (maybe some of the other ladies on the forum will comment, but that's a comment we don't always drop lightly!)...sounds OK you sharing common interests etc....maybe see how it goes????


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

We do share those common intrests but then with the distance that at some points occurs, both of us being very busy, ... If only I was a bit more self confident (I always had low self esteem) I may not mind those things or not spend too much time thinking about if there's obstacles or not, but when obstacles exist often you risk more to lose a good friendship than to "win yourself a girlfriend".


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## Tallulah (Feb 16, 2009)

true, true.....but you never know do you. Just keep being yourself - you're friends with her at the moment and maybe I'm an old romantic but the best relationships often develop out of friendships - it may not be this one, but it'll happen.. Still you mention obstacles - they occur in any relationship, platonic or romantic. She'll drop more hints soon enough if that's the way it's going anyway. It sounds from what you're doing and how busy you are that at least your "getting out there" and not hiding yourself away. Nothing ventured, nothing gained Gerrit!


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

My apologies for interjecting, but surely if you and this bird have common ground, take her to an art gallery or exhibition next time she's around, if all goes well you won't need the Rohypnol...


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

I very much will take this hint into mind!
If only there was a "dating for dummies" decoding every aspect of body language... But then I guess it'd be less exciting as well ... 


Tallulah, very wise words there. Some people say "are you happy with being friends, or is just friends not what you were really wanting?". The risk of losing the friendship is often making it a risky leap to take though. But you're obviously right with the whole post. "If nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I must seize the day". Nothing wrong with being an old romantic by the way, because that's often the best. I mean, falling asleep in each others arms or walking together at a desolate beach under a star-lit sky can be more intimite and romantic than anything else. Old school sometimes still is the best.


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

Guess my answer is resolved just by walking through the city. An amazing amount of women in their early to late twenties, they're literally everywhere. However, to filter locals from tourists makes it a bit confusing, and then they're mostly in group which makes me even more shy to attempt at starting a chat...


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## jojo (Sep 20, 2007)

gerrit said:


> Guess my answer is resolved just by walking through the city. An amazing amount of women in their early to late twenties, they're literally everywhere. However, to filter locals from tourists makes it a bit confusing, and then they're mostly in group which makes me even more shy to attempt at starting a chat...


You're trying too hard 

Jo xxx


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## gerrit (Jul 15, 2008)

No, I'm not trying at all, hence the problem! Asperger Syndrome and shyness are bad combination (or, when staying on the optimistic side, a flawless recipe for a lifetime of abstency )


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## mrypg9 (Apr 26, 2008)

gerrit said:


> Tends to be true but I've been telling that to myself for about 5 years so when no progress happens, maybe I gotta change approach just a bit? Maybe I'm just not going to the right places or so? I mean, it's a matter of letting things happen, that's true ; but sometimes you gotta just push luck in your direction just a tiny bit.



From your posts I'd say you were a decent, sincere thoughtful guy and whilst not wishing to sound sexist, there doesn't seem to be an awful lot of men like that around so I think your chances are pretty good without changing your approach, chat-up technique whatever.
And it's true what people have said: it's not so much a case of 'Seek and ye shall find' when it comes to romance of the lasting kind but 'Get on with thy life and love may bite thy bum unawares'.
Nothing puts women off more than an air of desperation.


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## Xose (Dec 10, 2008)

gerrit said:


> OK, let me just say that this thread is serious, even when I realise not everyone will answer in a serious way ...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


"De donde son las guapas?" - from all over.
"Donde estan las guapas?" - where you find them - the eye of the beholder and all that.

Here's a method.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

Xose said:


> "De donde son las guapas?" - from all over.
> "Donde estan las guapas?" - where you find them - the eye of the beholder and all that.
> 
> Here's a method.
> ...


Great clip xose!!
We finally got someone who knows what he's talking about on this thread!!!


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## baldilocks (Mar 7, 2010)

gerrit said:


> We do share those common intrests but then with the distance that at some points occurs, both of us being very busy, ... If only I was a bit more self confident (I always had low self esteem) I may not mind those things or not spend too much time thinking about if there's obstacles or not, but when obstacles exist often you risk more to lose a good friendship than to "win yourself a girlfriend".


Shyness has always been my problem. Most of the girls I went out with or married made the first move. My present wife and I have been married now for twenty years and we met though a dating agency, where an ex had put my name. Somehow we knew it was just right. We went out for the first time December 9th, got engaged December 31st, and married on January 26th. No messing about!


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