# Cultural diversity and respect



## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

Hello Everyone,

I have one problem in my office that i cannot even share with my colleagues coz it will be more of gossiping. Anyways, there is specifically 1 work mate who is SERIOUSLY ANNOYING!!!!! I have been kind enough not to tell him off, but he still keeps behaving annoyingly, not only have i discovered that, but i had heard my ex colleague who left the company also, complaining that he is annoying. Firstly, i thought he was just being nice and needed help. He calls on my cell number at night on a FRiday, asking very silly questions for work, of which he can get the info on Sunday when he gets to work. He is married, but keeps asking where i live, and once he asked me to carry his documents from the office and give him on my way home on a Thursday, coz he was not at the office. Believe me he kept bothering me all the way home asking for directions and wanting to know where i live!!! i mean???? im married too!! then one day at the office he comes to my desk, my handbag was open, so he popps all his eyes inside my bag, SEARCHING FOR WHAT???? and then smilingly he tells me "oh you have alot of money", arghhhhhhhhhh. And the most annoying thing of all, whenever i bring something small for lunch, he always asks what i bring for lunch (grrrrrr, u have a wife, tell her to cook for u!!!). So this day, he sees me warming my food and going to the pantry, he actually leaves his work, follows me to the pantry, and asks what am eating, and saying he wants to taste my food if am a good cook!!!! no offence but WTF??? Do i luk like ur wife or something, tell her to cook for u dummy!!! i give him some portion to taste and he eats! i am already annoyed and red faced, but he eats and talks silly talks and then leaves, I am annoyed beyond words could describe, i dont know if this is their culture or what, but please atlst office manners, and worse still i dnt know how to tell him to back off!!! he is not hitting on me but his behavior is just sooooo annoying!!!


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

> i dont know if this is their culture or what


Who's culture? Maybe he's just being friendly and wants to enjoy different flavours from different lands, let's face it variety is the spice of life.

Maybe he'd like you to teach him a few of your skills so he could then get his wife to explore different tastes and techniques?

Maybe.


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Why don't you just be open and honest with him? Dipolomacy is key. Tell him politely that his behaviour is making you uncomfortable and that you would much rather he keep his professional distance. 
Like Andy Capp has mentioned, maybe he is just being friendly but going about it the wrong way. 
I would suggest you speak with him or tell a supervisor that you are having a difficult time. Whatever you choose, please be prepared that his reaction might not be the one that you like and expect.


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## Guest (Jun 27, 2010)

Calling your cell phone at night and asking where you live isn't being friendly, it's harrassment. The fact that someone else left the company because of him speaks volumes. I don't care what his culture - is harrassment is harrassment

I agree with Pamela - suggest you speak to him first and explain his behaviour is making you uncomfortable, and if that doesn't help go to a supervisor. But as she pointed out, unfortunately you may not get the reaction you want. 

Good luck


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## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

sorry, maybe my spelling error created confusion, but my ex colleauge did not leave the company because of him, but she "also" used to complain that he was annoying, he had even asked for her personal cell no. once, but she was smart enough to refuse. Regarding him being freindly, well you dont expect him to come to the office and ask me everyday what i bring for lunch!!! and he normally goes for a short break before lunch and coincidentally thats the normal time i take my lunch, so when he is back after his short break, he asks me if ive already taken my lunch and he shamelessly asks me why i dint call him to have lunch with me together (meaning eating my food with him everyday???) i mean lets be realistic, he has a wife, who can as well cook for him or he can order food whatever, am not his mother or wife to call him and take lunch everyday!! How can a gentleman see an open bag on an office desk, and pop all his eyes inside it (what did you keep that belongs to you) infact there were sanitary pads ontop, so what was he scrutinizing?? and then smiles shamelessly and say "oh u got alot of money", i mean i dont want to start hating him, but he is getting on my nerves!!! and our supervisor is one heck of an "i dont care" guy, it wunt make any difference, how can i put it in a simple but direct and nice way???


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## LiverpoolMan (Jun 2, 2010)

it seems to me like he thinks you two are friends and you are just being polite. He is clearly an open and firendly person, and maybe over the top for you and you are uncomfortable with it. I dont think its harrassment as nola puts it, i think thats very over the top. Simply explain that you aree married and are not comfortable with the level of friendship that he is under the impression you both are under.

a little bit off communication goes a long way. he cannot read your mind and maybe cannot interperate your snubs! 

good luck


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## Guest (Jun 28, 2010)

Does he act the same way with male employees? I'm guessing not. Unwelcome attention is harassment, with the intent to make you feel uncomfortable, which you clearly are. I don't think it can be excused as just being very friendly. I don't think it can be excused as a cultural difference either. I have never heard of a culture that condones that sort of behaviour

I'm sorry that your supervisor doesn't seem to be very receptive, so again, all I can suggest is you talk to the person and explain that his behaviour makes you uncomfortable. Explain that you are married, and just not interested. Perhaps if you suggest you would like to meet his wife that will cool him off a little. If he won't change, I'm sorry to say I don't think there is much that you can do. Wish I could help!


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## LiverpoolMan (Jun 2, 2010)

> Perhaps if you suggest you would like to meet his wife that will cool him off a little


Fantastic!


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## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

Thank you guys! Actually he knows am married with kids. He is just too weird and rather than judging him before, i assumed maybe its his culture or where he comes from that people get so attached so fast. Anyways I will try my best and put it in a nice way, am a really shy person, but because of this situation, i will have to put my feet down!


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## Elphaba (Jan 24, 2008)

You haven't told us where this man is from.

-


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## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

no offence to other fellow indians, but he is from India, (south maybe).


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

mamy babes said:


> no offence to other fellow indians, but he is from India, (south maybe).


LOL! Where is Andy Capp....I was right!!
Speaking on behalf of my fellow Indians, NO, it's definitely not a cultural thing. But I honestly think he's probably harmless and just doesn't know how to behave around you. Sometimes what works for one person might not for another. I still stick with my initial post, speak with him directly and see how he reacts. Just be open to him reacting the opposite way as well. If all else fails, tell him, "Hey, I got an idea. How about you, your wife, my husband and I all go out together. I'm sure my husband would LOVE to meet you."...That oughta put him off...I hope!


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## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

As i mentioned in my previous note, i dont think he is trying to hit on me, he is just attaching himself too much to me like am his mother or what!! especially when he asks me to invite him everyday when am going for lunch at office!! i feel he is intruding my privacy and extending our colleague- work relationship, which is making me uncomfortable. Believe me, the idea of telling him to invite him and his wife with my family for a get together would be a very good idea for him, since he likes intruding into my personal life, he would love the idea of exploring more, regardless of whether our spouses are around. And i was confused as to whether this was his own nature or it was just a cultural thing, thats why i asked, no offence


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

mamy babes said:


> As i mentioned in my previous note, i dont think he is trying to hit on me, he is just attaching himself too much to me like am his mother or what!! especially when he asks me to invite him everyday when am going for lunch at office!! i feel he is intruding my privacy and extending our colleague- work relationship, which is making me uncomfortable. Believe me, the idea of telling him to invite him and his wife with my family for a get together would be a very good idea for him, since he likes intruding into my personal life, he would love the idea of exploring more, regardless of whether our spouses are around. And i was confused as to whether this was his own nature or it was just a cultural thing, thats why i asked, no offence


None taken. 
Ok, so he's not hitting on you...so that rules out sexual harrassment. He is just being clingy which is probably his nature and he probably thinks he's being friendly. Just talk to him and take a chance. You'll be amazed at how understanding even the most insular people can be.


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## LiverpoolMan (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe he identifis with you for some reason, and thinks you are in the same boat for some reason. Explain to him that you are uncomfortable, and am sure the problem will not persist. I think the fact he asks you what you are having for your lunch isnt anything ontoward maybe just friendly work banter.

Tell him early to avoid the matter being blown out of proportion.


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

Or just say you find his personal hygiene very offensive and would he mind keeping at least 30 feet from you in future as it clashes with your cologne...


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## mamy babes (Dec 8, 2009)

Andy Cap*** i think you are blowing things out of proportion, i didnt mention anything on his smell or personal hygiene, i just was annoyed at how clingy he got to me as pamela puts it, pamela your right. I will make him understand and tell him to stop calling me on a weekend at night asking for things he might as well ask on a week day to the secretary. Thanks everyone for your inputs.


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

mamy babes said:


> As i mentioned in my previous note, i dont think he is trying to hit on me,


Why not?

Why would a guy not want to hit on you????


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## sdh080 (Jan 20, 2010)

Andy Capp said:


> Or just say you find his personal hygiene very offensive and would he mind keeping at least 30 feet from you in future as it clashes with your cologne...


I don't know why, but that made me laugh, maybe since it's very true about a sizeable number of people here.


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## sdh080 (Jan 20, 2010)

Andy Capp said:


> Why not?
> 
> Why would a guy not want to hit on you????


I sense an ugger.


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