# I am worried that my neighbours might get killed by their daughter: What shall I do?



## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

Hi All,

OK, so here is the issue. A little bit of soap drama stuff, but here goes...

About a month or 2 after I moved into my apartment here, I got some new neighbours. A woman in her early 30's and her parents. The mother is a near-invalid, she has trouble walking and has many ailments. The father is hardly seen, only in the evenings, when he comes homes from work (I hear EVERYTHING!)

Problem is, that this family argues constantly, and its not just a minor normal family squabble - it gets serious. The daughter is very violent towards her parents, especially her mother - there is nothing but screaming from her mouth every single night, all night, and boy is she abusive. When the father comes home, he joins in. I can hear that the parents are fed up of their daughter, but they cannot do anything about it. I have spoken to the Bowab about this numerous times, but of course they cannot do much about it. I just keep them updated on the issue. Sometimes it gets so bad that both mother and father end up crying - crying proper. Mother screams that she wants death and sometimes one of three must pick up a knife or something or at least threaten to kill themselves or one of each other, as I can tell by how they scream things such as "No, no, no, don't do it" over and over again. All ends in silent tears until the Fajr prayers (Dawn) call to prayer. The silence. Next night = same routine. Some nights its OK, some fighting, but not so violent. 

Now, today Its seems like it has reached another 'stage', if it can. I can hear the mother screaming that she is hungry and she is crying constantly. 

In the past, I have been asked for money by the daughter - I refused, simply because I didn't want to get involved and also, the daughter looks like a ****** is so bad for putting her parents through this. On one occasion, I got so worried and basically I wanted to sleep, so I went and knocked on their door, with the excuse of offering them some food that I had made that day. The daughter screamed in my face, whilst her father was standing behind her, his face apologetic. 

Apart from this, I have kept away. We used to have 2 boys (in their 20's) and their mother living in the third apartment on our floor. They have since left, and I thought it was because of the screaming. Today, the Bowab's wife told me that it was because the daughter was having a kind of 'relationship' with one of the boys, and she wanted to marry him - he refused, and they all moved back to Libya (they were Libyan refugees).

Today, I heard the daughter say that she wants to kill her mother, whilst her mother was screaming that she was hungry.

What shall I do, if anything? I feel so bad for the parents ((((((


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

I don't think there is anything you can do ArabianNights, except look for another flat...fast! The woman is obviously unbalanced at best, and interfering anymore might put yourself at risk. Take care.


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

CatMandoo said:


> I don't think there is anything you can do ArabianNights, except look for another flat...fast! The woman is obviously unbalanced at best, and interfering anymore might put yourself at risk. Take care.


I am not going to interfere... and I really do not want to move at all! One of the reasons why I had such problems settling into Alex, is because of the MAJOR problems that I had in finding a place to live. It was like taking blood out of a stone, and it took me close to a month finding a place. When I eventually find this place, it was because it was decent in comparison to others I had seen, even though it was not 'perfect', in terms of location etc... but I didn't have much choice and I was running out of money living in hotels. Moving out for this reason is not even an option


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

Then I can only suggest a good pair of ear plugs.


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

Would telling the police do any good at all? Or would that mean 'getting involved'?....I mean, if this was in the UK, it would not be tolerated and the authorities would get involved. I know its different here..... but someones life may be in danger


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

ArabianNights said:


> Would telling the police do any good at all? Or would that mean 'getting involved'?....I mean, if this was in the UK, it would not be tolerated and the authorities would get involved. I know its different here..... but someones life may be in danger


You could call the police, but they are going to tell you to mind your own business. And if they did come, I would be scared to death of some sort of "retaliation" from the daughter, or even mother or father. People here hate having others getting involved in their business, no matter how scary or horrible it seems to us.

Do you know if they are muslim? Could you try playing Quran VERY loudly once they start it up....and keep doing it for a couple of nights, to see if they get the hint??? OF course, with your earplugs in place!


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

Yes, you are right. I knew this  I thought that there must be some way...

Yes, they are Muslim, and I could try playing the Quran loudly, thing is, she screams so loudly herself, I don't think that it would make so much difference.... and also it happens so late in the night, sometimes 2am/3am, and I just want to get to sleep.....


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

Ok...well them start playing it at top volume before they even start fighting..and keep it up...until they start to complain. They you can tell the bowab to broker a truce...No more screaming at top of lungs...no more Quran at top volume.

Seriously, I don't know what I would do, what a situation!


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

Isn't anyone else in the building being bothered by this, or complaining about it?


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## canuck2010 (Jan 13, 2010)

Moving would be the easiest solution.


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

CatMandoo said:


> Isn't anyone else in the building being bothered by this, or complaining about it?



There could be, the Bowabs wife hasnt mentioned it to me tho. Unfortunately, I don't think so - even if anyone did hear it - I dont think anyone would care


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

canuck2010 said:


> Moving would be the easiest solution.


I wish it were that easy! Finding an apartment here in Alex is such a chore - and there arn't even any estate agents here. Well, there is only ONE that I know of and they charge a leg and a half. It took me forever to find the one I am in now and the other one's I saw were one's that had been empty for what seemed like decades. Properties just sitting here that people do not want to live in. The conditions of them.... oh ma God, were terrible. Some were rotting and I even saw some that had newspapers laid down on the floor dated from Egypt's last revolution!! - Covered in muck and cockroaches, and some more (mice droppings?) + the 10th century furniture.


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## HeartDream (Mar 2, 2011)

I'm like you... I would want to do something about it too... but if you have other neighbours and if you can hear her every word then obviously the other neighbours must hear at least some of it, and if they're not interfering it's maybe because they know better of the situation.... Have they lived there for a long time? Are there other neighbours that you can talk to, or that have lived there before you? You could try asking them as you're obviously afraid and hopefully they can reassure you. Talk to the bawab and his wife and see what solutions they can offer. 

Do you live alone? If you're staying with your husband or someone else maybe you could both go and talk to them when they're calm and offer to be there and help in whatever way you can. People aren't just hysterical without a reason and the daughter really needs to calm down.... I think a lot of it is perceived failure on her side to get married. I remember watching a documentary on how difficult and brutal society is to women in Egypt once they aren't married when they turn 25 or so. Since she is in her late 30s she must feel like she's living in hell from all the pressure, and being rejected adds to that. 

You can watch that video here: 




it's in Arabic translated to English, poor quality but worth watching if you want to understand more about the tremendous social pressure on women and marriage.


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## MaidenScotland (Jun 6, 2009)

ohh dear what a dilemma but what the answer is I do not know.
Perhaps you could speak to your local Sheik?
Why don't you contact one of the womens groups that are on the net, I know it is not for abuse but they may be able to point you in the right directions

Maiden


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

Have you tried asking the bowab to talk to them, and tell them that people in the building are complaining about the loud noise so late at night. What about asking the bowab to contact the owner of that flat (or did these ppl buy the flat) and tell him he is getting complaints about the late night noise level? Most bowabs have mobile numbers of flat owners (security reasons).


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

Hi all, thanks so much for your suggestions. Last 2 nights or so have been OK, in fact it sounds like the family are coming to some kind of a solution - cuz i have been hearing them come in and out of their apartment during the day, which is unusual - but it seems like they have a solution. I have a feeling that the daughter is going to move out or something, or the parents have planned something.... just pray it all turns out well for them - especially the parents!


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## HeartDream (Mar 2, 2011)

ArabianNights said:


> Hi all, thanks so much for your suggestions. Last 2 nights or so have been OK, in fact it sounds like the family are coming to some kind of a solution - cuz i have been hearing them come in and out of their apartment during the day, which is unusual - but it seems like they have a solution. I have a feeling that the daughter is going to move out or something, or the parents have planned something.... just pray it all turns out well for them - especially the parents!


Ah that is so good . And does not surprise me to be honest, sometimes people need to reach the limit to realize they need to get down from it. I hope and pray that this will work so they can all be ok. Good of you for caring, bless you


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## CatMandoo (Dec 16, 2011)

Hope the peace and quiet continues, and they have resolved their crisis. I can only imagine how stressful it was, listening to that night after night. And as HeartDream said, bless you for caring!


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## hurghadapat (Mar 26, 2010)

ArabianNights said:


> Hi all, thanks so much for your suggestions. Last 2 nights or so have been OK, in fact it sounds like the family are coming to some kind of a solution - cuz i have been hearing them come in and out of their apartment during the day, which is unusual - but it seems like they have a solution. I have a feeling that the daughter is going to move out or something, or the parents have planned something.... just pray it all turns out well for them - especially the parents!


Well i have read your original post but have refrained from answering till now.... so here are my thoughts....most people on this forum are ex-pats living on an ex-pats package which means most of them are living among expats in probably gated communities so their contact with real life among Egyptians is minimal....i lived in an area where most of my neighbours where Egyptians and belive me all of this shouting and arguing is quite normal....don't forget they are a hot blooded race and would fight with a feather and the longer you live there the more you will see this sort of behaviour....and especially during Ramadan...so my advice would be try and ignore or turn the music up or move apartments so you don't have to live amongst Egyptians.


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

hurghadapat said:


> Well i have read your original post but have refrained from answering till now.... so here are my thoughts....most people on this forum are ex-pats living on an ex-pats package which means most of them are living among expats in probably gated communities so their contact with real life among Egyptians is minimal....i lived in an area where most of my neighbours where Egyptians and belive me all of this shouting and arguing is quite normal....don't forget they are a hot blooded race and would fight with a feather and the longer you live there the more you will see this sort of behaviour....and especially during Ramadan...so my advice would be try and ignore or turn the music up or move apartments so you don't have to live amongst Egyptians.



If thats the case then, I am probably living in a ghetto or a slum, in comparison to other expats LOL Im in an area full of Egyptians... not many foreigners around here and any foreigners are the type that blend in easily, like western-Asians or the like. I know what you mean, though about this being normal - its quite 'normal' in our culture too, but I am not personally used to it, being raised in the west. Its just weird living it!


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## PaulAshton (Nov 18, 2011)

ArabianNights said:


> If thats the case then, I am probably living in a ghetto or a slum, in comparison to other expats LOL Im in an area full of Egyptians... not many foreigners around here and any foreigners are the type that blend in easily, like western-Asians or the like. I know what you mean, though about this being normal - its quite 'normal' in our culture too, but I am not personally used to it, being raised in the west. Its just weird living it!


The property I live in is in a residential area and that is my choice I could never ever live in the sterile conditions of a complex, my place has far more character and gives me a feeling of belonging to the ethos and culture it has its frustrations and I have had curious adults and children staring into my property on a daily basis through the 10 foot fence and 10 foot gates so I guess I am gated. 

I had words however with the people who do this, apparently they want to be my brother and friend and its "only children" as I made it clear its not acceptable it has stopped.

I can still hear people fighting however but far from the drunken brawls of the UK 

In a complex I have seen things like people having pool parties, getting lights out on the lawn and dancing / drinking and a transient population and have had to hear a Sharon and Tracy or Liverpool accent and "awwwwlright mate" something I escaped from I rather see the odd pile of rubbish and dead cat that go through that again..


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## SHendra (Oct 18, 2010)

ArabianNights said:


> If thats the case then, I am probably living in a ghetto or a slum, in comparison to other expats LOL Im in an area full of Egyptians... not many foreigners around here and any foreigners are the type that blend in easily, like western-Asians or the like. I know what you mean, though about this being normal - its quite 'normal' in our culture too, but I am not personally used to it, being raised in the west. Its just weird living it!


The end of Alex's your living in never sleeps! My child gran lives that end and your in a area where apart from the main roads it quicker to walk as the side roads are narrow. It prol got more coffee shops in that district than any other in Alexs. I actually liked it down there since people were most the time happy there whilst on very little. The kids play outside without a care in the world and unspoilt. However because everything so close there you will pretty much hear everybody elses business, the good and the bad! 

The area I lived was the opposite. Even though apparantly mine was full of expats I never did come across any at all in the end that I was living! I guess they were all up the big hill by the Embassy. Where I was down the bottom end by the sea. My neighbours were all Egyptian and were friendly but kept themselves to themselves. You didn't see the kids out playing much either. To be honest If I was choosing an area in Alexs to live again I would not go where I was.. there's no life and theres such a thing as to quiet also! I'd of been quite happy at the far end around Montazah, you got everything you need there on foot(soon gets tiring sititng in traffic all time).


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## ArabianNights (Jul 23, 2011)

PaulAshton said:


> I can still hear people fighting however but far from the drunken brawls of the UK
> 
> In a complex I have seen things like people having pool parties, getting lights out on the lawn and dancing / drinking and a transient population and have had to hear a Sharon and Tracy or Liverpool accent and "awwwwlright mate" something I escaped from I rather see the odd pile of rubbish and dead cat that go through that again..


LOOOOOOOOOL How stereotypical of the British!!! This is soooo true though! You forgot the to mention the Stacey's and the Cheryl's. They probably down the Tescos, stocking up on 3p economy brand cardboard bread, cashing in the Giro at their local post office, or sitting in a Council office somewhere with about 10 babies around them, dressed in Adidas pants. Either that or sunning it on a beach in Spain, paid for by the taxpayer   Would like to see them in a Burkha  - They'd have issues getting their **** through the niqab to their mouth, I tell Ya!


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## expatagogo (May 31, 2010)

SHendra said:


> The end of Alex's your living in never sleeps! My child gran lives that end and your in a area where apart from the main roads it quicker to walk as the side roads are narrow. It prol got more coffee shops in that district than any other in Alexs. I actually liked it down there since people were most the time happy there whilst on very little. The kids play outside without a care in the world and unspoilt. However because everything so close there you will pretty much hear everybody elses business, the good and the bad!
> 
> The area I lived was the opposite. Even though apparantly mine was full of expats I never did come across any at all in the end that I was living! I guess they were all up the big hill by the Embassy. Where I was down the bottom end by the sea. My neighbours were all Egyptian and were friendly but kept themselves to themselves. You didn't see the kids out playing much either. To be honest If I was choosing an area in Alexs to live again I would not go where I was.. there's no life and theres such a thing as to quiet also! I'd of been quite happy at the far end around Montazah, you got everything you need there on foot(soon gets tiring sititng in traffic all time).


True it never sleeps but it's got great shopping and even though it's horribly crowded in the summer it's not the hot, sweaty crowded of Manshaya's shopping.

It's fretful to listen to the neighbor's domestic issues, however Egyptian television shows taught me what Egyptians do when things get sticky, either in their own homes or in the neighbors' - shut the windows so the neighbors don't hear it or so you don't hear the neighbors.

I had a neighbor that used to bounce his wife off of the walls on a regular basis and a good many in the building used to hang out their windows to hear it. Those that didn't shut their windows.


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