# Paddys day



## irishxpat (Nov 17, 2008)

YOU MAY WORSHIP US TODAY


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## ratpick_2000 (Jan 30, 2009)

irishxpat said:


> YOU MAY WORSHIP US TODAY


Indeed - top 'o the morning to you sir


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## bigdave (Oct 22, 2008)

happy paddy day my brother from another mother. drink a few for me allright.


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## mayotom (Nov 8, 2008)

Thought you might have started this one


Happy paddy's day to all


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## ratpick_2000 (Jan 30, 2009)

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a
petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump
attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a
typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the
nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the
ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the God's green earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.

"Beejasus" muses the Irishman. "BMW thinks of everything! "


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## mayotom (Nov 8, 2008)

One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers
"What it means to be British?"

Some of the emails are hilarious but this is one from a chap in
Switzerland...

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub
for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian
curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture
and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British
thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and!!!!!

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the
way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the
pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in
front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their
tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.

10 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys
pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying
on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of
Control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into
the toilet.


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## ratpick_2000 (Jan 30, 2009)

"3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their
tongue."

Who would have thought?


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## Ogri750 (Feb 14, 2008)

Cead Mille Failte

Erin Go Bragh


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## irishxpat (Nov 17, 2008)

Ogri750 said:


> Cead Mille Failte
> 
> Erin Go Bragh


Go raibh maith agaibh


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## Andrew Farrant (Feb 9, 2009)

St Patrick was a myth 

Apparently he was supposed to have chased all the vile, snidey, devious snakes out of Ireland but McGuiness and Adams are still there ..........


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## Ogri750 (Feb 14, 2008)

Andrew Farrant said:


> St Patrick was a myth
> 
> Apparently he was supposed to have chased all the vile, snidey, devious snakes out of Ireland but McGuiness and Adams are still there ..........



Let's not get political eh?



Besides which, they're in Britain not Ireland (according to some)


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## Ogri750 (Feb 14, 2008)

irishxpat said:


> Go raibh maith agaibh



Beannachtai na Feile Padraig oraibh


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## Andrew Farrant (Feb 9, 2009)

Ogri750 said:


> *Let's not get political eh?*
> QUOTE]
> 
> Nahh - you're right, was meant in the right way


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## mayotom (Nov 8, 2008)

Well I made a trip to the Irish Village, its chocka block, if you want a pint it would be quicker to walk to bur Dubai and get one..

I left at 10:30 and there were about 200 queued to get in, but atmosphere seemed good, but need to have a few in ya before arrival


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