# Teenager - emotional roller caoster



## dnex721 (Aug 12, 2008)

Hi 

anyone else taking a teenager with them - my daughter [17] is coming one day cryingthe next .. i've tried the 'if you don't like i you can come back' ' we'll take your best friend pay her flights for hthree months holiday - so helps settle you in' 
my son and his partner are coming after we are settled - so thats not an issue 

i am lost for ideas - want her to be happy but can't bare to leave her behind without her giving it a try 

anyone gone through this - what have you done ,, what would you suggest? 

Help apprecaited 

Thanks 

Bev


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## Halo (May 8, 2008)

A colleagues kids did not talk to him for 2 years.... But now....its all good 

Grin and bear it - they are real people with real feelings... not dissimilar to your own. Truth is the best option.


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## northern mover (May 30, 2008)

Well said Halo...
my 18 year old son is pretty much the yes then no then dunno; i went through the ups and downs, crying, swearing, slamming doors, emotional blackmail thing; now, well, i have stopped all that 

He has taken a week out and hopefully, on weds, we will get a definite answer. We said we will support his decision, whichever way, but the only financial help after we've gone will be a plane ticket to Adelaide!!!! Sometimes a mum has to be cruel to be kind!

Don't over sell Oz, it ain't utopia, i believe, but once the kids realise what a chance they are being given........
Good Luck, pet

Jane


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## Maria6 (Aug 22, 2008)

Absolutely agree with the above. My children are a lot younger but I remember when I was 17 - I thought I knew everything! Outline the pros and cons as you have done for yourself at every waking moment and you can then feel, as much as any parent can ever feel, that you have done your best!

Good luck and let us know hoe you get on.

Maria


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## dnex721 (Aug 12, 2008)

Thanks all - i will keep you posted 
Bev


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## Tiffani (Dec 4, 2007)

I agree with Jane. Just tell her that she can either stay or go, and to make the decision herself if she's so grown up! 

If my parents had told me "we're moving to Australia" when I was a teenager, I might've had the chance to complain a bit but at a certain point they would've just told me that I was going and that was that and to like it or lump it!


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## spadgersdad (Aug 30, 2008)

Hi dnex721,
Know the feeling well, we moved here two and half years ago, my daughter then 20 decided last minute she wasnt coming, came with a son 18 and daughter 9, it was a very difficult time and still is sometimes. My son was very social in thE UK had lots of friends and enjoyed his night life. We moved here and he absolutely hated it we had so many ups and downs and at first mostly downs, he just didnt know where he wanted to be. It was also difficult to leave a daughter (the hardest thing ever a mother will ever do). My son has steadily settled and loves going down to the Gold Coast at weekends and going into the city with friends. He is still unsure of where his heart lies but he loves the life here and knows when he goes back to the UK for a holiday it may not be what he remembered.
My advice to you would be to bring your daughter, work through the difficult times together, support her no matter how hard it may get (as leaving her will be harder than you can ever imagine) eventually she will settle, probably quicker than you think , you can always go back for a holiday in time. Good luck hope all works out for you
Sharon


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## Em2008 (Sep 8, 2008)

Hi dnex721,
I saw this post and had to reply... as i'm 20 years old and currently my parents are in the process of moving out to Australia and i thought my opinion might help you understand/help your daughter!
I'm currently really struggling ... part of me (the most part) really wants to move to Australia because its an amazing place and i absolutely loved it when i went travelling however there is a small part of me that is thinking i'm leaving so much behind here! 
I really hate my working life in the UK but i think thats because i'm not doing the job i want to be doing... however i have such amazing friends and family!! The biggest thing that is making me worry is my age and making new friends... mum and dad have said i can go to Uni out there to do the course i wanted to do in the UK... which should help me make friends! However if the uni thing doesnt go to plan ill have to work and i may not make friends my own age!! I'm an incredibly shy person so making new friends is very very difficult for me!! 
Also for me... i'm close to my family however i love my indepedence and i dont think ill be able to be as independent in australia because i wont have my close knit friends around me! 
I know this is a bit long winded but i'm hoping its helping!! 
If your daughter wants to register on this site... maybe me and her could have a chat about what we are both concerned about!! Might help things a bit!! 
Emily!


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## anj1976 (Apr 24, 2008)

Hi Emily,
Me and my husband, he is 28 and I am 31, are moving to OZ in a year's time. We are not moving there for a better weather but for his career, being in IT, there isnt much for him in India. I have my own setup here, I am a self-employed designer. I run an advertising agency, I make good money, but when I saw all the options for him, I did not take time to decide, I knew I have to do it for him, I am sacrificing it all for him. and I guess if fate is with me, I will be able to set-up my own design house there as well.
We just got married, about 7 months back, and for us life is still new as a couple, I have hoards of friends and my OH has even more, since its just the two of us, our weekends are spent with either family or friends, I know we will miss all that when we go to OZ, but trust me, friends dont stay with you forever. Looking back in life, I had a different set of friends while in school, different ones in college and now different ones that I have made post graduation. They keep coming and going, as time passes and as life changes, so do friends. They always remember us, we meet say once a year and there are those that I have not seen since college or since school, we do chat over the net once in a while or maybe over the phone.
I dont know why teenagers give so much of weight to friends over family, maybe I did the same when I was younger (not that I am old now.. haha.. I feel so young still ) People should remember, when we are crying or when we are happy, the true support one gets is from the family, friends might listen to you, give an opinion or two but they have their lives to worry about while our life is a part of our families'. 
Go there without thinking much, I too am a shy person, when I came in this forum, I would just read and not comment, and today I have some 300+ posts to my credit.  I am opening up and talking to people, and trust me, when you know its either now or never, you have to make friends now or you will hv to spend the evening alone without being on the fone gossiping about that guy you saw or the dress you so much want..you will work towards making friends and meeting new people.
Its all about giving time to yourself, its about setting priorities.
wish you luck babe


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## spadgersdad (Aug 30, 2008)

Hi Emily,
Welcome to the forum, just wanted to say how brave you are, and how mature. I know how you must be feeling as my son is 20 and been here nearly three years, he still feels a little unsure of where his heart is. He will be returning to the UK next year for a holiday as he said to "put things to closure". It is a very difficult decision for you to make, but you have to want to make the move or you will never settle here. If you do decide to make the move just contact us and I will put you in touch with my son, always good to talk to someone who knows how you are feeling. Good luck with your decision Emily, things will turn out right in the end. Take care


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## IrishAngel (Mar 12, 2008)

Hi emily,

Just go for it, your family are your real support, parents will almost kill for their kids haha, you already dont like your job in england, so now's the time to make the move with people that love you... it will be so hard for them to leave you, remember they spent longer in england than you have!! they are leaving alot already would be extra blow to leave you too.... and HEY if you dont like it GO HOME (thats whats keeping me going) you are only as far as the airport from home

Good luck

Paula
xxx


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## IrishAngel (Mar 12, 2008)

dnex721

you cant leave your 17 year old daughter in england, she is still a kid and needs her parents, make her go (bribing usually works hahaha) also as soon as she boards the plane she'll be watching the latest movie and will forget about all in cold wet england (hopefully)..


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## Em2008 (Sep 8, 2008)

Hi Spadgersdad, Irishangel and anj1976 (sorry not sure on everyones names so ill use your log in), 

Thanks so much for all your replies!! I was hoping my post would help dnex however i seem to have turned it around on myself... oops! Sorry dnex!! 

I really think moving to Australia is a good move... it's just a bl**dy hard one to make!! I absolutely love my social life in the UK but hate my working life and the career path i have taken!! However i love the australian lifestyle and attitude to work... and i feel i need a fresh start!!! 

Spadgersdad > it's good to hear about your son... especially hearing that he went through the same sort of thing... i think everyone goes through it... it's just some people dont talk about it and I sometimes feel silly for bringing up!! Whereabouts in Australia do you live!? 

IrishAngel > You're right... my family are my rock and to be honest being without them would be hard!! I'm just very independent and love my own space so moving over there i would be very dependent on them as i wont have my friends around me... if that makes sense!? 

Anj1976 > You're definately right about friends... i seem to have a new bunch every few years!! Good on you for deciding to make such a big move with your husband!!! I hope it goes really well!! I must say i agree with you about this forum!! Only been on here a few days and already reading everyones posts has helped... i'm in such a little bubble over here as no one i know has done something like this so it's a bit new for me... but being on this forum just highlights how many people are thinking of making the same move as me! 

Again thanks to all of you!! 

Dnex... sorry for taking the post off on a little tagent!! I hope it helps though!!

Emily!


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## anj1976 (Apr 24, 2008)

Em2008 said:


> Anj1976 > You're definately right about friends... i seem to have a new bunch every few years!! Good on you for deciding to make such a big move with your husband!!! I hope it goes really well!! I must say i agree with you about this forum!! Only been on here a few days and already reading everyones posts has helped... i'm in such a little bubble over here as no one i know has done something like this so it's a bit new for me... but being on this forum just highlights how many people are thinking of making the same move as me!
> 
> Emily!


Tell you what babe, I still feel jitters down my spine when i think of the move. I dont know where my work would go or what will we both do, will the money be enough for the first few days or weeks or months, wil my OH get a good job, so many things keep running on my mind. I have not moved out of my hometown in 31 years, and I am 31, so u can imagine. I moved out of my ancestral house 4 years back because of some family disputes and we all felt as if it was the end of our lives, but we moved on and now where I live, I am so comfortable that going back to the old house seems so uncomfortable. problem with us is that we want to live out of a shell, we dont wish to leave our comfort zone and are scared of change. But at times we have to accept.

Business runs in our blood, from my great grandfather to my brother, everyone has been in business, so moving town was impossible because this is where the work is and this is where our life is. Noww I am married to a man who is in IT and for himm its no big deal to hop towns. I think I am getting the feel of being an IT guy's wife .

Lets see how things go, as of now we are facing some or the other problems to file the application, first it was the passports, then it was the birth certificate, then the IELTS, on and forth, the day we file it, which is maybe a week or two to go, I will be so relieved, though the waiting period will kill me, I am not a very patient person, I like things being done fast, you know the here and now kinds.

You are young and I dont think you would have any issues making new friends there. People post 40 are slightly uncomfortable making new contacts but the carefree attitude that those in 20's or 30's have, it makes things easier for them. I guess that must be a reason why the Oz govt. wants people under 45 . Kidding.

I am very upset today, we were to send our papers to our lawyer on monday and today is wednesday, the papers are still lying in my bedside, and I guess they will be around for another week, till we get few things done.

I wish you luck Emily, and yeah, call me anj, my name is anjali and I come from India, Delhi.

Anj


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## spadgersdad (Aug 30, 2008)

Em2008 said:


> Hi Spadgersdad, Irishangel and anj1976 (sorry not sure on everyones names so ill use your log in),
> 
> Thanks so much for all your replies!! I was hoping my post would help dnex however i seem to have turned it around on myself... oops! Sorry dnex!!
> 
> ...


Hi emily,
We live on the South side of Brisbane. Redlandshire on the Bayside. Dont ever feel silly for questioning your concerns, its better to discuss things and gain as much information as you can than just keep things to yourself, and not be sure of where you are at. Go with your gut instinct, as difficult as the decision may be, again good luck Emily.


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## jabba (Mar 8, 2008)

Hey all
TEENAGERS AND OZ !!!!!!!!! What a nightmare, I left my 20yrs old daughter and 22 yrs old son behind as they couldn't come on my 457(Which by the way I think is Criminal) My 16yrs old son didn't want to come, and my 14yrs old daughter was desperate to get here. My 16yrs old has been here 3 weeks tomorrow and everything is "alwright" his answer to every question, His older brother told him to "suck it up " and treat it as an adventure!! They have started school and he says its "alwright" , he has Foxtel, the internet and his playstation, but I know he is not happy, his Dad joins us at xmas and his siblings are coming for Emily's 21st in Feb so maybe if his big bro stays he will be happier, He has agreed to stay for a year and reassess it then so all I can tell you is negotiate, support, and love him/her if he goes back we all go so its in our interests to help him settle
Take care and Hang in
S' Alwright's Mum


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## spadgersdad (Aug 30, 2008)

jabba said:


> Hey all
> TEENAGERS AND OZ !!!!!!!!! What a nightmare, I left my 20yrs old daughter and 22 yrs old son behind as they couldn't come on my 457(Which by the way I think is Criminal) My 16yrs old son didn't want to come, and my 14yrs old daughter was desperate to get here. My 16yrs old has been here 3 weeks tomorrow and everything is "alwright" his answer to every question, His older brother told him to "suck it up " and treat it as an adventure!! They have started school and he says its "alwright" , he has Foxtel, the internet and his playstation, but I know he is not happy, his Dad joins us at xmas and his siblings are coming for Emily's 21st in Feb so maybe if his big bro stays he will be happier, He has agreed to stay for a year and reassess it then so all I can tell you is negotiate, support, and love him/her if he goes back we all go so its in our interests to help him settle
> Take care and Hang in
> S' Alwright's Mum


How difficult it is when you know your children are unhappy, I found this heartbreaking, I then kept questioning myself why are we here etc? As you say through nurturing, support and love my son as settled and made heaps of new friends. Our daughter of 22 is still in the UK so also know the feeling, she comes over every year and every year I live in hope that she may decide to come and live over here but she has her own life in the UK and when she comes we have such quality time - she arrives in three weeks and I am so excited, sorry thought I would share that with you!!!
You are on the right track of the journey and this time next year you all as a family will feel so much better and settled. Take care (kalma) to you all and things will come right


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