# Filipino in-laws and the culture clash



## dezzirae

For those of you who have Filipino spouses, how do you deal with the Filipino-In-Laws Culture Clash and what would your advise be to someone going batty with frustration over all the tiny little issues that start to eat at you?


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## M.C.A.

We live right next to my wife's family members "many"and we talk occasionally but after almost 2 decades of bad behavior, stealing soap-laundry and bar, rice, coffee, creamers, sugar, cooking oil, garlic and onions, small electronics, your best pots an silverware, utensils, baby clothes, adult clothes, tools the list can be endless, they're not allowed inside the house, just like they impose on us when we rarely go to their house and visit, they guard all the things they have taken over the years very well, when they steal they don't take the used stuff but the very finest things and when caught with them they reply "you're not the only ones that can afford to buy that", actually we are, they would never spend that kind of money on good pots or silverware the bath towels even.

When they visit the more expensive foods are put back in the fridge and I strongly urge the wife to cook bitter melon or dried fish the same stuff they normally eat because if they eat up all your good food and you don't see them till your next payday and there waiting as you drive up with all your groceries along with a select set of new friends.

The other thing they do is make trouble with you and your spouse or kids with their troublesome kids and teenagers or their kids pretend to love you, it's all pretend and fake... I am tired of the drama and do everything I can to create peace with my own family "focus on my own family" and that's what is more important and not them, nothing wrong with short visits or even better a once a year bonding at a resort pool or major event party outside away from your house, if they have to be inside for the bathroom then they need to be escorted just like they do to you when your visit their home or friends home, with friends add all above issue's also but add light bulbs, I am seriously not kidding.


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## dezzirae

I almost think that the best way to deal with Filipino in-laws and the entire barangay of relatives is to move as far away as possible, where one doesn't have to deal with the drama that's sure to ensue when one's around them!


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## jon1

dezzirae said:


> I almost think that the best way to deal with Filipino in-laws and the entire barangay of relatives is to move as far away as possible, where one doesn't have to deal with the drama that's sure to ensue when one's around them!


Dezzirae that is the best way to be honest. The further the better. I am not saying to not support them but it lessens the constant nickel and diming along with the drama. As you being the Filipina you best understand the caught in the middle position that stresses the relationship...

Check out this thread.... http://www.expatforum.com/expats/ph...dvice-dealing-family-province.html#post836719


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## M.C.A.

dezzirae said:


> I almost think that the best way to deal with Filipino in-laws and the entire barangay of relatives is to move as far away as possible, where one doesn't have to deal with the drama that's sure to ensue when one's around them!


Way to late for me to make a move, I built a very large two-story concrete house and it's water front property, I don't have cash to start all over again, plus i'm not working the family either stops their bad behavior or we just ignore them, they lose now and it doesn't bother us like it did before, I guess that's the key to living here and that's being happy and not letting people drag ya down, we do have neighborhood friends and certain family members that we are able to get along with. Making a move to another area is a temp fix to what's going to be an ongoing problem no matter where you live and that's the Philippine condition it seems to be everywhere, if not family it's the neighbors, I would need to move in an even more remote area or a gated area that's probably not so fun and more like the US.


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## lv_artist

mcalleyboy said:


> Way to late for me to make a move, I built a very large two-story concrete house and it's water front property, I don't have cash to start all over again, plus i'm not working the family either stops their bad behavior or we just ignore them, they lose now and it doesn't bother us like it did before, I guess that's the key to living here and that's being happy and not letting people drag ya down, we do have neighborhood friends and certain family members that we are able to get along with. Making a move to another area is a temp fix to what's going to be an ongoing problem no matter where you live and that's the Philippine condition it seems to be everywhere, if not family it's the neighbors, I would need to move in an even more remote area or a gated area that's probably not so fun and more like the US.


Unfortunately you did not practice the one island rule......always live at least one island away from the family. IMO one island is not adequate....I would insist on a minimum of 2 islands.

I could clog this forum with examples of horror stories of expats I know first hand who failed to follow "the rule. "

Another rule to follow........never invest more in a house than you can afford to walk away from. Best of luck.


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## Billfish

I don't think this is a cultural divide as much as an socio-economic divide. The gated communities in Manila are mainly filled with wealthier Filipinos and you never see extended families invited to visit over the weekend.


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## M.C.A.

lv_artist said:


> Unfortunately you did not practice the one island rule......always live at least one island away from the family. IMO one island is not adequate....I would insist on a minimum of 2 islands.
> 
> I could clog this forum with examples of horror stories of expats I know first hand who failed to follow "the rule. "
> 
> Another rule to follow........never invest more in a house than you can afford to walk away from. Best of luck.



Pretty much everything I had listed was in the past so things are finally looking up. One issue that kept me in our current house was that our adopted kids were in it and the family watched them (we thought) while I was stationed in Guam the house was the family house but over the years both parents died and we changed it from a huge bamboo home to a block home, due to the many maintenance costs of a wooden home here and flooding. The view of the lake is awesome I should post a few pics, spent yesterday planting Papaya tree's.


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## dezzirae

Seeing that all the comments here seem to be about Filipino in-laws asking for money, I should clarify that relatives asking for money has never an issue with us. As a matter of fact, when the real estate market crashed (I used to be a mortgage broker) and the Union strikes happened (my husband's in the entertainment industry), my parents were the ones sending money to us in the States. 

Compared to my Filipino family members, who take month-long vacations to Europe, send nannies over to my cousins in the States (God forbid they have to change diapers at 2am) and have the biggest homes in the most exclusive enclaves in the city, we're poor in comparison. 

The culture clash I speak about stem mainly from the following: 

1) "pakikisama" - like having to attend one family event after another and if we say we can't, the guilt trip starts, and the whole lecture on "you need your family and your family's connections to make it in this world" (even though, ironically, I moved to the States on purpose so that I could prove to myself that I could become a success without my family's connections).

2) "utang na loob" (debt of gratitude) - Constant insinuations that because they did this or that for us, we need to do something in return. That's why, as much as possible, we avoid asking favors of anyone, because once you've got this debt of gratitude thang going, it haunts you forever. 

3) caring too much about what other people think 

We wanted to have a simple backyard BBQ for my daughter's birthday, which happens to fall on Memorial Day Weekend in the States. It somehow turned into something closer to a wedding production, canopy tents, magicians and all. All because, apparently, they hire an event coordinator to throw themed birthday parties costing a lot of $$$'s.

My hubby and I like to take the jeep and tricycles. My parents are horrified, I think it's primarily because they dread the thought of someone they know seeing us emerging from anything less than a taxi. 

4) over-sensitivity: "you haven't gone over to your uncle's house at all to say hello, and he's miffed". 

My husband was talking to my uncle and happened to call my Dad by his first name ("Ray told me that the car was OK." and it started this whole thing about how he doesn't respect Filipino custom and culture because he said 'Ray' instead of "Papa".)

5) It's the Filipino way or the highway. 

"Your daughter is anti-social. She doesn't kiss her elders when she sees them." My daughter is 4, and she's been taught to be wary of strangers, and when she has 50 adults that she's never seen before trying to hug and kiss her all at the same time, stranger anxiety will ensue. 

We've decided we don't want a nanny for her while we're living here for a year, because we want her to be self-reliant and independent. My husband told the director of the private school she'll be attending pre-school at that our daughter will not have a nanny coming to school with her, my mother snapped at him and told him that my sister and I, and everyone else that we grew up with, always had nannies at school. 

6. "You don't argue with your elders." Even when those elders happen to have a really skewed worldview and are spouting nonsense at every family gathering. And 'argue' is taken to include simply stating facts to refute what they're saying. 

7. "Chismis"- Gossip! Gossip! Gossip! Always with the gossip! Who cares who's doing what with whom?!!! People have way too much time on their hands here.


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## M.C.A.

I have an Uncle in the US, when we would go out for Pizza he would ask for cinnamon toast and they had to have vegetables or he would put up a fuss. My Uncle visited me while I was stationed in WA state and that night me and my wife were set up to eat at a very nice Mexican restaurant, he had to call the restaurant to figure out what vegetables they serve and he wasn't too happy so I took him to the Royal Fork all you can eat Buffett and all he ate was meat, his whole plate was full of fried chicken and roast beef, nobody talks with him anymore in the family they can't stand his odd mannerism's.

Your blessed because your family has money but unfortunately I'm not, the family here gets by and they expect nothing but favors like you mentioned even though they were eating here and sucking us dry and all kinds of things missing but they still needed money, I would have the traditional kill the pig feast only to hear how we used them as slaves to kill the pig and help make the food, these people are dirt poor and they still complain, I stopped the huge parties and we invite guests, neighbors or friends, whoever is happy and also doesn't end up ruining the party and asking for money or they start fights with guests, the family isn't welcome and they don't bother showing up anyway, we live in the same spot.


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## raconnor

dezzirae said:


> Seeing that all the comments here seem to be about Filipino in-laws asking for money, I should clarify that relatives asking for money has never an issue with us. As a matter of fact, when the real estate market crashed (I used to be a mortgage broker) and the Union strikes happened (my husband's in the entertainment industry), my parents were the ones sending money to us in the States.
> 
> The culture clash I speak about stem mainly from the following:


Income inequality in the Philippines is pretty obvious (and the gap is very, very wide) with the small % of the country being very rich and the majority being very poor. 

I am married to a (retired) Philippine Navy General's daughter so the experience I have with family is more like yours (rich side) but I do believe your cultural "problems" you (or I) encounter pale in comparison to what those dealing with the "average" Filipino family..

For most expats that move here, dealing with in-laws/culture is all about the $$$$$. I would venture to say that the vast majority of expats never even encounter pakikisama or utang na loob because
1) they aren't close (at all) with the in-laws
2) all the in-laws want to talk about is $$$

Then there's the fact that many expats marry Filipinas that are much younger than them which means oftentimes the in-laws are the same age as the expat so certain "respect your elders" kind of things don't apply. 

My point is: you're from a rich family, I doubt many expats here will relate.


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## oldretiredguy

The wife's family has been one main reason we are not in the RP now. The 8000 miles is hardly enough distance to keep the problems away. We reached a point where we would refuse phone calls because they only came when some new emergency was dreamed up. We have a house in Tagaytay. Her parents live in it. They expect us to maintain it from here. We kept this in our name as this is the 3rd house purchased for them to live in. The previous 2, they sold, spent the money and then were "homeless" again. 

We gave up the idea of moving there for now, but as the politics here in the states continues its resent direction, I am reconsidering. Will have to use the 2 island rule I guess, although I would really prefer to live on Luzon as I know the areas there. We will see.


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## M.C.A.

I live right next to family members, my troubles "were" many for at least a decade and it's rare if we talk anymore, why? They don't get anything and not allowed in the house that goes for the their kids too! They are used as stealing weapons of mass destruction but you'll never see things disappear but notice you have to keep buying coffee, cream, sugar, rice, clothes, sandals, tools over and over the list can be endless. 

Things turned around after I had many talks with my wife and her giving into and allowing her family members to keep destroying us by stealing, scamming ect... It's really all up to your spouse she needs to just put the foot down and accept that the family just won't coöperate in any way, I would completely cut them off for what they have done to you, that's what I did, with the spouses approval finally... sometimes they come around and talk or my wife will talk with some, if your spouse can accept that then you could live in the same area with your family, there's no way to hide from the Philippine condition, it's everywhere and knowing and getting along with your neighbors is a plus, our neighbors have become our friends they know the issue's with the family.

If you can't live or afford to live in another area and decided to live on family property or squatted area like me then get ready also to take a select few family members to the Barangay for bad behavior that was the other stopping point for them, the Baranagay secretary will record what happened and have you both sign with witnesses on the happenings and if it continues then onto the Police station and jail, the bad behavior will stop, if you do nothing they will keep persecuting you for cash. 

They (spouses family members) all have jobs and make some small cash they don't need your money, that's another fact I learned after living next to them, they are very big opportunists.


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## PhilPrivEye

Quite true. It is the best way to deal with all the drama. Live far away but visit often. This keeps things at a neutral.


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## Marikit

Wow.. another horror story. I think sometimes you should just stop listening to their sob stories because sometimes when you do listen it just goes on and on and on. Because SOME in-laws think that if a Filipina has a white bf/husband he has lots of $$$ thus they would expect that you can also support them or even lend them money if they need it. If you are wondering why Filipinos value family ties so much even after marriage, it's not because of money matters but more of maintaining happy and harmonious relationship with each other.


Your new friend,
Marikit


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## MikeynJenz

Marikit,

You say some, but i would suggest that 90 percent of us on this board having issues with it would suggest otherwise. Also, the word 'lend' means give and not payback in the Philippines.

I'm all for the happy and harmonious relationships with eachother as long as that doesn't mean I have to support the entire family, distant relatives and anyone else for that matter. I am here to support my own family, bring up my children and of course help out when i see fit, not the other way around.


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## Asian Spirit

MikeynJenz said:


> Marikit,
> 
> You say some, but i would suggest that 90 percent of us on this board having issues with it would suggest otherwise. Also, the word 'lend' means give and not payback in the Philippines.
> 
> I'm all for the happy and harmonious relationships with eachother as long as that doesn't mean I have to support the entire family, distant relatives and anyone else for that matter. I am here to support my own family, bring up my children and of course help out when i see fit, not the other way around.


I agree! The vast majority are looking for support for life. Many get married here with that as their primary or only intent: a permanent source of income for family to continue doing nothing but wait for money do drop in their laps. Takes a lot of care to not get caught in that trap. But as long as there are trusting, gullible foreigners, there will be a good supply of willing takers...
Also, I would disagree with Marikit on the financial matters. If you as a foreigner become unwilling to help the family with support while living here, not only will they have zero interest in you, but depending on the family involved, it would be safer to move into the next province as the entitlement attitude here is almost a religious belief!


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## MikeynJenz

I am not trying to start a fight with Marakit, just i disagree with her views.

Marikit, i can only assume you are coming to your conclusion from your very own family, perhaps they are of a very small minority that would not gold dig a foreigners pockets. To suggest that only a small minority of Filipino families are like this however, is in my opinion completely wrong.

We on this board are the ones that have suffered from this with varying levels, being foreign and having our own experiences. I am afraid they are not horror stories and are in fact very true and ongoing and a lot more common than you may think. 

It has come to the point where i have banned the words 'lend' or 'borrow' in my home as it drives me crazy hearing it when they basically mean 'give'. Do not ask to borrow when you have no intention of paying back, just ask for money without those words...sorry...my real pet hate.

This board is about expats giving eachother advice, or advice to others that are thinking of coming here. I admire you from trying to protect your fellow Filipino's from what you might think is a stereoptypical view but we are also just trying to warn our fellow expats on what they might (probably will) encounter with the in-laws.


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## M.C.A.

My wifes family have zero interest in me, I'm a nobody now but when I was helping out giving money for almost two decades, sending money to take care of my adopted kids, I was Daddy Mark, lol. I'm okay with how things now work, I would rather they don't call me Daddy Mark and I am glad they show their true colors, I can live with that and make other friends their loss, my wife no longer feels the need to impress or help her sisters or brothers by letting them eat us out of house and home, this includes their fake kids, take our things, scam us, another huge plus for my kids and grand kids and especially me.


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## Asian Spirit

mcalleyboy said:


> My wifes family have zero interest in me, I'm a nobody now but when I was helping out giving money for almost two decades, sending money to take care of my adopted kids, I was Daddy Mark, lol. I'm okay with how things now work, I would rather they don't call me Daddy Mark and I am glad they show their true colors, I can live with that and make other friends their loss, my wife no longer feels the need to impress or help her sisters or brothers by letting them eat us out of house and home, this includes their fake kids, take our things, scam us, another huge plus for my kids and grand kids and especially me.


I think it's kind of a learning curve for those of us that marry into to country and culture. I would suppose that other non western cultures might have issues for us as well. We do help my in-laws with medicines etc and to be honest, I do like having them go to the mall with us when they go for the doctors check up every two months or so. It really is fun but the whole thing hinges on living in separate homes some distance apart. The basic money issue thingy was handled a number of years ago and so far has not presented a problem for us.
The ones that would concern me are those that latched onto a foreigner only for the sake of financial gain for the family. That not only makes the situation a possible danger, but a terrible loss financially in the end usually.
I did get lucky with kids here though. My wife's family in the home town could not afford even one child and ended up having nine. We thought it a good idea and have taken 4 that are still living with us. Ages range from 9 to 14 and tell ya what, it is a real blast for us to have them here. Guess I'm getting soft headed or soft in the heart as I get older. But raising them as our daughter has been and continues to be the best thing we have done in our 10 years of marriage...


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## Marikit

*Filipino Culture*



Gene and Viol said:


> I think it's kind of a learning curve for those of us that marry into to country and culture. I would suppose that other non western cultures might have issues for us as well. We do help my in-laws with medicines and to be honest, I do like having them go to the mall with us when they go for the doctors check up every two months or so. It really is fun but the whole thing hinges on living in separate homes some distance apart. The basic money issue thingy was handled a number of years ago and so far has not presented a problem for us.
> The ones that would concern me are those that latched onto a foreigner only for the sake of financial gain for the family. That not only makes the situation a possible danger, but a terrible loss financially in the end usually.
> I did get luck with kids here though. My wife's family in the home town could not afford even one child and ended up having nine. We thought it a good idea and have taken 4 that are still living with us. Ages range from 9 to 14 and tell ya what, it is a real blast for us to have them here. Guess I'm getting soft headed or soft in the heart as I get older. But raising them as our daughter has been and continues to be the best thing we have done in our 10 years of marriage...






MikeynJenz said:


> I am not trying to start a fight with Marakit, just i disagree with her views.
> 
> Marikit, i can only assume you are coming to your conclusion from your very own family, perhaps they are of a very small minority that would not gold dig a foreigners pockets. To suggest that only a small minority of Filipino families are like this however, is in my opinion completely wrong.
> 
> We on this board are the ones that have suffered from this with varying levels, being foreign and having our own experiences. I am afraid they are not horror stories and are in fact very true and ongoing and a lot more common than you may think.
> 
> It has come to the point where i have banned the words 'lend' or 'borrow' in my home as it drives me crazy hearing it when they basically mean 'give'. Do not ask to borrow when you have no intention of paying back, just ask for money without those words...sorry...my real pet hate.
> 
> This board is about expats giving eachother advice, or advice to others that are thinking of coming here. I admire you from trying to protect your fellow Filipino's from what you might think is a stereoptypical view but we are also just trying to warn our fellow expats on what they might (probably will) encounter with the in-laws.




Hello Friends,


The truth is I do believe on your stories about "money matters". Please allow me to share my story.. I have been in a 1 year relationship with a Scottish guy on 2008-2009 and I'd say it was all new to me. I never imagined myself dating a non-Filipino guy but it happened when I met him. I know the stigma when people see asian women with a white guy but I thought to myself I am single so why not and he's professional and not just a *** tourist.

He was very nice, laidback and gentleman. I was impressed. He asked me if I wanted to see him on a regular basis, I was hesitant at first since he has to fly from SG to RP just to spend time and see me but I said yes anyway and he would come to RP every month so we could spend time together and get to know each other. He would always ask me what I want to do or if I wanted to go shopping. I know he wanted to spend his $$$ to buy me gifts, jewelries and clothing etc. but I always said NO. I'd always the him "I don't want you to buy me this or that because I am happy with the fact that your took time to fly from SG to RP to spend time with me". And he would always tell me this: "You're my girl and don't worry about money, what I have is yours". I was shocked and on my mind I don't want him to think I am just after his $$$ or whatever he has. I've tried hard just to finish my college and was able to get a decent job. I never wanted any guy to spend his money to me because that's just me. As the relationship progress, he made plans of our future together (marriage, kids, relocation etc.). I knew he can give me a life very far from what I have in RP maybe for others it's a good decision but I felt so intimidated as he was so established and all and so I told him let me think of it. He knows I am not a gold digger and he loved me more because of that..

I am the type that does not fall in love easily but when I saw that he was sincere and consistent, I begun to care for him and love him. I've loved him with all my heart. My family doesn't know anything about him because I was new to interracial relationship and I wasn't sure what would they think of him. 

On one of his visit to RP he asked me if I wanted relocate and be with him, and I said I will tell you when I am ready. 


Then, he disappeared... No calls, no e-mails, no visits. I thought maybe he's just too busy and was assigned to US as I know he travels a lot for work. 

He disappeared just when I was ready to tell him I want to be with him for the rest of my life..I have contacted him many times but to no avail.

He just disappeared without saying goodbye.

2 years later he told he left me a message saying sorry. He didn't have the courage to tell me he's in a divorce hearing. He filed for a divorce 1 year before we met and he was just waiting for the final papers. He said he loved me and wants to continue our relationship if I could forgive him. 

I told him I'd understand if he just told me everything but he didn't. I told him I am not mad at him. But I thought to myself, I don't deserve this, I never tried to use him or use his money..

I have stopped communicating with him. 

I am sorry for my long story.. I just want everyone who have had bad experience with Filipina to know that we are not all the same..I think it all boils down on how, where and when did you meet the woman/man. 

Anyway, I have moved on from that experience. 

Your new friend,
Marikit


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## Asian Spirit

Hi Marikit and thank you for relaying your experiences. It's difficult with any trans cultural relationship/marriage for sure. Culture clash can really get in the way at times. Even when married, it takes a good two years to really adjust to most differences. Hope you will eventually marry the right one. Most of the time a marriage to a foreigner will work and last but usually the ones that are most successful are those that go and live in a different country...


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## Marikit

*Filipino Culture*



MikeynJenz said:


> Marikit,
> 
> You say some, but i would suggest that 90 percent of us on this board having issues with it would suggest otherwise. Also, the word 'lend' means give and not payback in the Philippines.
> 
> I'm all for the happy and harmonious relationships with eachother as long as that doesn't mean I have to support the entire family, distant relatives and anyone else for that matter. I am here to support my own family, bring up my children and of course help out when i see fit, not the other way around.




So true.. I have heard similar stories from my American friend. He has the same problem with his Pinay wife. I am so sorry that you have experienced that. If only I have succeeded being a love patrol in RP haha. Sometimes it's ok to tell them you don't have money and if they don't understand it's not your problem.


Your new friend,
Marikit.


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## M.C.A.

The family messed with my adopted kids or interfered badly, I lost my son because of this, I tried one more time with him but it ended in failure but last year was reunited with my daughter it has been a struggle but seems to be working and now my grandson he's 2, I can't live without my grandson, he has really changed things for me and my wife.


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## cvgtpc1

The unconditional love of those little tykes is so miraculous to the soul. We have a 2 yr old grandson and 4 yr old granddaughter who think we're the best thing on earth. If anything stops my wife and I from eventually making the move it'll be them, but by then they'll be teenagers and hate us so they might make it easier lol


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## lefties43332

*in laws*



oldretiredguy said:


> The wife's family has been one main reason we are not in the RP now. The 8000 miles is hardly enough distance to keep the problems away. We reached a point where we would refuse phone calls because they only came when some new emergency was dreamed up. We have a house in Tagaytay. Her parents live in it. They expect us to maintain it from here. We kept this in our name as this is the 3rd house purchased for them to live in. The previous 2, they sold, spent the money and then were "homeless" again.
> 
> We gave up the idea of moving there for now, but as the politics here in the states continues its resent direction, I am reconsidering. Will have to use the 2 island rule I guess, although I would really prefer to live on Luzon as I know the areas there. We will see.


If they sold one house WHY would u give them another??? NO WAY


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## sombrado

Dear Mcalleyboy,
I'm sorry to hear your stories and I think it is better to keep quiet and let things settle down peacefully cos you will put your spouse in a difficult position. As we all know the Filipino culture..."if you marry a Filipino then u are married to their whole family" minsan the whole Brangay is involve. Just cool it man..!


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## joenasia

I have great relationship with all of my new family! I was clear, never pretend, not shy and was no mistake love my wife, their daughter, sister ! BUT WAS EQUALLY CLEAR I WAS NOT THE ONE TO TRY AND SOAK DOWN. FROM DAY ONE I DID NOT START SOMETHING THAT I MIGHT REGRET AND NEED TO STOP. My wife is happy, we visit a time or two each year, stay in hotel, pay for US and enjoy enough. The very first meeting with family an old uncle shake my hand and glad to meet me, then held it out for jeepney fare!! I swear happened! Ahhhh but noooo, I look at my wife and say quietly, NEVER DO I TOLERATE THIS! She was offended at her uncle and her mom give fare. Great start actually. My policy clear, my wife loves this in me! So, never too late! Rather them mad than me!!!


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## M.C.A.

sombrado said:


> Dear Mcalleyboy,
> I'm sorry to hear your stories and I think it is better to keep quiet and let things settle down peacefully cos you will put your spouse in a difficult position. As we all know the Filipino culture..."if you marry a Filipino then u are married to their whole family" minsan the whole Brangay is involve. Just cool it man..!


My wife has had enough of her family too! They wrecked her relationship several times way before they wrecked their relationship with me, she had given them several chances to change they don't know change or gratitude so she has found friends to socialize with, she occasionally will play Mahjong. 

We get along fine with our neighbors and they understand the issue's we have gone through and they keep a neutral stance, we have taken family members to the Barangay and Police several times to stop their bad behaviors (it works) including coming at me with a sword so the Barangay is well aware of our challenges, I actually now get along with the brother in-law that came at me with the sword, lol.


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## lefties43332

sombrado said:


> Dear Mcalleyboy,
> I'm sorry to hear your stories and I think it is better to keep quiet and let things settle down peacefully cos you will put your spouse in a difficult position. As we all know the Filipino culture..."if you marry a Filipino then u are married to their whole family" minsan the whole Brangay is involve. Just cool it man..!


Not all filipinos believe that. I unfortunately went for it a few times. My wife now doesnt buy into it either. Its for us and ours in her eyes...thank god


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## sombrado

Sir, I lived in Southern Leyte for 5 years. We stay in the village that have no electrical power and fresh water. Every nights the Brgy man will push the power generator and we pay some monies to tap it power. 
I faces some problem as u faced regards to the relatives and neighbor taking advantage of me and my monies. We can't avoid these cheap trick from them. We just have to be careful and my spouse is in the middle. 
Because we are foreigner and we suppose to be the pride and joy of her family. Thank you.


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## joenasia

*Not all the same!!!*



lefties43332 said:


> Not all filipinos believe that. I unfortunately went for it a few times. My wife now doesnt buy into it either. Its for us and ours in her eyes...thank god


YES!!! Mine is as yours!!!!! If given a choice of visit relatives or trip to Hong Kong for few days ........ GUESS WHICH!?!?!? HK every time . However is a good daughter, sister and wonderful wife. Is also possible that the concept of total independence is new to many Philippine woman. I have traveled plenty and is so common in third world countries that "mom" or "dad" seem to maintain a hold long after adult "children" are more or less on their own. I have seen many occasions of mom being very much superior and in control of her " 30+ baby boys" household and his wife basically subordinate playmate. Imagine!!!! Hahaha. Please not to be misunderstood ... Philippine woman are the most lovely, feminine, sweet in all the many places I have been! Where else on earth can a woman be gorgeous, sexy, sweet, hard working, tender all the while in flip flops enduring a hard life!!! Give them the confidence and opportunity to be equal, independent of family and neighbors and a wonderful partner you will have.  PHILIPPINES FOR ME!!


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