# Marrying a local UAE girl, please help



## undisclosed

Hey guys, I don't live in the UAE, but rather in a western country. My gf is an emirati girl from Dubai, im crazy about this girl! and i know all the restrictions that happen in the gulf. I've done my research, i just want to know what are my chances of marrying this girl! She is going to ask her mum that i'm interested in the next few days as she is on a Uni break. (she is from a mixed marriage herself, her dad is a local but her mother is from the gulf).

I am muslim and an Iraqi, but pretty much have lived all my life in a western country.

I would really appreciate any advice or if anyone has gone through the same experience or has a friend who has. I'm crazy about this girl! I just want to know where i stand

Regards


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## pamela0810

It all depends on her parents and if they approve. It doesn't really matter what we say here or how crazy you are about the girl, if her parents do not approve, then it's the end of this love story....unless, she runs away to be with you. Then its your head on a platter


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## Andy Capp

Hmm, first and only post ????

I'm thinking troll.


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## pamela0810

Orrrrr....her parents didn't approve and they're out to get him  Ah! The things you do for love!


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## Shahzadee

Possibly, however on the off chance that it's genuine - my personal advice is weigh up all your options and wait to see what the parents have to say. At the end of the day it's up to the guy and girl how much they respect their parents wishes but they shouldn't confuse culture with religion. You ARE allowed to chose your own partner, arranged marriages are cultural. It is always best though if the parents agree  makes everyones lives happier


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## Rutilius

Shahzadee said:


> ....... but they shouldn't confuse culture with religion. You ARE allowed to chose your own partner, arranged marriages are cultural. ........


Would you still agree if he was not muslim and she was and they wanted to get married?


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## Shahzadee

No - as a Muslim woman - I don't agree with a Muslim woman marrying a non Muslim man  However sometimes you have to accept born Muslims haven't chosen their faith a may decide as adults that they don't actually believe. In this case they are no longer classed as Muslims anyway.

When I say you can chose your partner I obviously mean another believer, for a woman the only option is another Muslim.

As the poster quite clearly claims to be Muslim and the chances are high that the girl is too being a local, then their is a matter of choice in this instance.

You CAN decide who you want to marry. There is heavy emphasis on pleasing your parents but it is not meant to the extent that you never live any part of your own life, make your own decisions etc. You are perfectly within your rights to go against your parents wishes if they do not have a valid, justifiable reason for what they are saying or if it is against Islam. A lot of people don't because it can cause friction within the family...but they DO have that option


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## Sunset

You will need lots and lots of money and will be expected to give her the lifestyle she is either accustomed to, or the one she wants - either way its going to be very very expensive!!!!


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## Gavtek

Just go to Vegas man, e-mail her mum a pic of you dressed as Elvis taking her up the aisle (in the church that is, not in the honeymoon suite afterwards).

Ain't a damn thing she'll be able to do about it. Well, I guess she could have you killed or something, but then who doesn't love a Romeo & Juliet tale of tragic love?

You know it makes sense!


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## Jynxgirl

Bit harsh. Not all locals are rich. A great deal of them, once you get outside of dubai and abu dhabi, are actually not so well off or materialistic as so many seem to think. 

The bit about referring to this person as your gf, already doesnt sound good. I havent met any local family who allows their sisters/daughters to have bfs, at least, not in the open. 

I assume undisclosed knows that by marrying an outsider, her children will have no rights in the uae for citizenship. If you were to get a divorce later on, being a muslim, you know she would most likely come back home. Her children would not be provided educations, healthcare, or anything. A mixed marriage in the uae is quite different when discussing men and women. Men do it all the time. Women hardly ever do it. 

I do have a friend whose sister has married a bahrain man. It happens but you better be a devout muslim, have a local mosque full of fellow friends who are willing to vouch for your character, and be able to provide a good life for their daughter. If they are a well off family though, probly none of that will matter. Family name matters more 

I would assume you have discussed this and you know the answer already that her parents are not going to approve and that is why you are asking. If her parents say no, its not going to happen.


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## Sunset

Those living "outside" Abu Dhabi and Dubai are basically "bedouin" and very traditional. She wouldn't even think about having a "relationship" of any sort with a male, especially on the internet.


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## Jynxgirl

Well then all my local friends are bedouins  And the one bedouin my Al Ain 'bedouin' friend introduced me to, well.. he is REALLY bedouin. 

(RAK locaks, sharjah locals, ajman local, al ain locals are not bedoins at all is my point)


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## undisclosed

She's not from those outer places, shes from dubai. And shes been living overseas for a number of years now. I'm pretty much her first like proper relationship so to speak.
Her dad is verrrrrrry strict and i'm thinking if anything he will be the one to say no. 

I love this girl so much, but like you said in above posts i'm sort of prepping myself for a no but hoping that some 1 in a million chance comes through and it says yes.


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## undisclosed

Jynxgirl said:


> Bit harsh. Not all locals are rich. A great deal of them, once you get outside of dubai and abu dhabi, are actually not so well off or materialistic as so many seem to think.
> 
> The bit about referring to this person as your gf, already doesnt sound good. I havent met any local family who allows their sisters/daughters to have bfs, at least, not in the open.
> 
> I assume undisclosed knows that by marrying an outsider, her children will have no rights in the uae for citizenship. If you were to get a divorce later on, being a muslim, you know she would most likely come back home. Her children would not be provided educations, healthcare, or anything. A mixed marriage in the uae is quite different when discussing men and women. Men do it all the time. Women hardly ever do it.
> 
> I do have a friend whose sister has married a bahrain man. It happens but you better be a devout muslim, have a local mosque full of fellow friends who are willing to vouch for your character, and be able to provide a good life for their daughter. If they are a well off family though, probly none of that will matter. Family name matters more
> 
> I would assume you have discussed this and you know the answer already that her parents are not going to approve and that is why you are asking. If her parents say no, its not going to happen.


I understand what your saying, but like i mentioned she is of a mixed marriage!! her mum is not a local, but from another country from the gulf. And i know that one of her sisters is not married to a local! But hes from the gulf aswell.

I think it will be very hard for me because firstly i dont live in the middle east. I love the country that i live in right now and prefer it over ANYTHING. But for her, i would move. And to be honest with you i don't think she can hack living in the UAE for a year max, shes been living out of the country for so long now that i can say shes even more westernised than me in some aspects!!!!

I guess i'll just have to wait and see, i really hope its a yes/maybe but i know its 99.99% chance it will be a no, but as she is from a mixed marriage you never know.


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## Rutilius

Shahzadee said:


> No - as a Muslim woman - I don't agree with a Muslim woman marrying a non Muslim man  However sometimes you have to accept born Muslims haven't chosen their faith a may decide as adults that they don't actually believe. In this case they are no longer classed as Muslims anyway.
> 
> When I say you can chose your partner I obviously mean another believer, for a woman the only option is another Muslim.


You just contradicted yourself. It seems that women 'DO NOT' have ANY options! Why is it that you would allow the man to choose to marry the person of his choice cross spanning religions but not the woman?


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## pamela0810

Shahzadee said:


> No - as a Muslim woman - I don't agree with a Muslim woman marrying a non Muslim man  However sometimes you have to accept* born Muslims *haven't chosen their faith a may decide as adults that they don't actually believe. In this case they are no longer classed as Muslims anyway.


I second Rutilius's question above this post of mine but also want to highlight to you Shahzadee, that no baby is *BORN* a muslim or a catholic or a hindu. Children have religion forced down their throats because that is what their parents believe in. How on earth are you *born a muslim*?


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## Jynxgirl

Anonymous is probly dead in the water anyhow... She is a dubai local. 

Pammy & Ruttilus, we may not agree with it but it is how it is. To not raise your child as a muslim in the middle east if the man is muslim, means the child would face certain death if he/she was to say they were not a muslim when they get older and wanted to continue living as adults in the middle east. If a family is mixed and wishes to do that, best to go to their non middle east country, have the child and give the child a non muslim name, not move back to the middle east, and never apply for a birth certificate in the islamic country. My understanding is they will not allow a nonislamic name to be given to a child born of muslim parents and you will have to 'fix' the name to a muslim name at that time anyhow, identifying the child as muslim. Have had this kid naming discussion.... 

These things aint right to most people from the western world, but it is all part of their religion and it aint going anywhere anytime soon!


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## pamela0810

You're right Jynxy, no point having this argument. We are all set in our ways.


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## Rutilius

maybe its a rumour, but I've heard that the weekend executions are a much entertaining affair


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## Andy Capp

According to the koran, EVERYONE is born a muslim, that's you, me, pam, jinxy, everyone. It's because we're infidels that we didn't take up the religion fully.


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## undisclosed

lol we've sort of gone off topic?

so you guys think no way in hell it would happen?


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## indoMLA

^you said her sister did not marry a local (but another person from the Gulf), so anything can happen. It all depends on where Iraq lands on the list of desirable suitors... Either way man, Good Luck.


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## hubbly_bubbly

Ahh... the impatience of youth. And you definitely can't help who you fall in love with. Just _elope_. Might as well break a few barriers while you are at it.

Whatever the outcome, I wish you luck too. It's not going to be easy, if it happens at all.


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## pamela0810

I strongly suggest you take Gavtek's advice  If you're going to do this, do it in style!


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## undisclosed

*=(*

Looks like the first round was a no. Her mum only asked a few questions and then a no lol.

Shes going to try argue for it again this w.e

urh this sucks


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## indoMLA

That sucks man. Sorry to hear, but you said first round? Do you really think there are going to be more rounds? 

If you don't mind me asking, what is her mom? What nationality did her sister marry?
Like I said before, it all depends on where your country (Iraq) fits in the pecking order among the other Arab countries in the region. My guess is that countries like Iraq, Egypt, Lebanon, and non GCC countries sit pretty low on that list.

Like the others have said as well, if she does love you and can live without the materialistic stuff then get married and never return to the UAE, but chances are you are not going to be able to afford her the luxuries that her dad can and she is not going to want to take a step down in life.

Sucks, man... but that is the reality of the matter.


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## undisclosed

indoMLA said:


> That sucks man. Sorry to hear, but you said first round? Do you really think there are going to be more rounds?
> 
> If you don't mind me asking, what is her mom? What nationality did her sister marry?
> Like I said before, it all depends on where your country (Iraq) fits in the pecking order among the other Arab countries in the region. My guess is that countries like Iraq, Egypt, Lebanon, and non GCC countries sit pretty low on that list.
> 
> Like the others have said as well, if she does love you and can live without the materialistic stuff then get married and never return to the UAE, but chances are you are not going to be able to afford her the luxuries that her dad can and she is not going to want to take a step down in life.
> 
> Sucks, man... but that is the reality of the matter.


Her mum is from bahrain. Yea i guess your right about the order, Gulf countries would come first then the others would follow i guess...

Nar i can't put her through that, running away from her family. Apparently she didn't take her very seriously the first time, and she rang me last night saying that she wants to give it a proper chance for her mum to listen so she's going to ask again! lol she even wanted me to talk to her mum on the phone! but i mean what can i do or say to convince her mum

Really lost on what to do...Most screwed up situation.


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## Gavtek

"I love your daughter, I want to spend the rest of my life providing for her and the family I hope we'll have together and it is my intention to marry her. I would mean a lot to the both of us if we had your blessing."

Make it sound like it's going to happen whether she likes it or not but make a big deal about having her approval. Of course, that's assuming you're going to man up and marry the girl regardless and not lose the love of your life over some outdated traditions and a fairy tale.

I'd also imagine that they'll respect you for taking charge of the situation and be someone who could one day be head of a family.


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## pamela0810

Three :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: for Gavtek!


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## hubbly_bubbly

If the father rants and raves, that's ok, he feels he has a right too because it's his daughter. If the mother stands behind the father, that's ok too, because it's her daughter as well. Sadly though, if they don't let her make her own life decision(s), then they don't respect her as an individual - no matter how much they truly love her. Anything else is not love, it's control, imho.

Stick with it. Be patient. And as Gavtek rightly suggests, be true to her and to yourself.


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## pamela0810

I would love for a "Happily Ever After" end to this story! Good luck undisclosed!!


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## Jynxgirl

Maybe a mother to mother call?


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## desertdude

A little story I can tell, I had a Pakistani friend not well off at all who fell in love with an Emarati girl, daughter of a high ranking colonel in the Army with a lot of brothers also in the Army no less !!!

Ofcourse the family was going to have none of it. So one day both of them flew off to Pakistan and got married there and came back. Ofcourse at first there was all the drama and even the odd threat. But eventually they accepted the fact and slowly started to warm to the idea.

Its been over 10 years now, they have a daughter, she is still living with her husband in Sharjah in a mediocre apartment with both of them having good relations with the family now.

I dunno how this can help you but its just a story that shows anything can happen if both of you are determined and know what you really want.


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## samroo

hello 
as long as the family understand that you are not a gold digger then thier won't be issues .that you truly love her not her material .
nationalties doesnt matter as long as he is a muslim .

good luck


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## dizzyizzy

samroo said:


> hello
> as long as the family understand that you are not a gold digger then thier won't be issues .that you truly love her not her material .
> Nationalties doesnt matter as long as he is a muslim .
> 
> Good luck


lol


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## samroo

dizzyizzy said:


> lol



...don't agree ?


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## desertdude

Agree, as long as we are living in a fairy tale.


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## Metamorphosis

desertdude said:


> A little story I can tell, I had a Pakistani friend not well off at all who fell in love with an Emarati girl, daughter of a high ranking colonel in the Army with a lot of brothers also in the Army no less !!!
> 
> Ofcourse the family was going to have none of it. So one day both of them flew off to Pakistan and got married there and came back. Ofcourse at first there was all the drama and even the odd threat. But eventually they accepted the fact and slowly started to warm to the idea.
> 
> Its been over 10 years now, they have a daughter, she is still living with her husband in Sharjah in a mediocre apartment with both of them having good relations with the family now.
> 
> I dunno how this can help you but its just a story that shows anything can happen if both of you are determined and know what you really want.


I know of a few Desi-Emarati marriages myself. And these are some very prominent families too. All happily married, some with children too. So yeah, it happens but of course the family has to be open to the idea.

Good luck to the OP!


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## undisclosed

No happy ending to this lol. Her mum rang me, explained everything, told me the dad is hot headed and that he will 150% oppose it and that if she tries to back it up it'll cause problems for her marriage that being bluntly said.

This sentence was like a kick in the stomach. "you seem like a respectable young man and if we weren't emirati i would of loved for you to marry my daughter" well something along those lines..

She pleaded pretty much for me to give her my word that i'll leave it at that and try distance myself from her daughter ( like thinking about the future/ relationship wise) but she was like i want you guys to be friends because you seem like a good guy. So i gave her my word

And your word is all that you have in this world right...Don't think i'll go back on it, don't know if thats me saying it now or the fact that her saying it to me this way hasn't sunk in yet. 

Thank you all for the support/advice i really appreciate it.


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## pamela0810

Sorry about that


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## Rutilius

word schmord..... elope --> marry --> raise 12 children and let them break the ice with the grand parents


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## samroo

hi there 
sorry to hear that the out come wasn't well .you can give it a last shoot by speaking directly to her father or forget about the whole thing and move on with your life .

marriage is naseeb as you understand ,we get what is already written for us .

take care and good luck .


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## indoMLA

undisclosed said:


> No happy ending to this lol. Her mum rang me, explained everything, told me the dad is hot headed and that he will 150% oppose it and that if she tries to back it up it'll cause problems for her marriage that being bluntly said.
> 
> This sentence was like a kick in the stomach. "you seem like a respectable young man and if we weren't emirati i would of loved for you to marry my daughter" well something along those lines..
> 
> She pleaded pretty much for me to give her my word that i'll leave it at that and try distance myself from her daughter ( like thinking about the future/ relationship wise) but she was like i want you guys to be friends because you seem like a good guy. So i gave her my word
> 
> And your word is all that you have in this world right...Don't think i'll go back on it, don't know if thats me saying it now or the fact that her saying it to me this way hasn't sunk in yet.
> 
> Thank you all for the support/advice i really appreciate it.


1. You shouldn't have gave her mother your word. That decision was something that you girlfriend should have made, not her parents.
2. If your gf loved you, getting a negative answer should not stop you guys. Does she want the life that she has been provided by her parents or was she willing to leave the life of comfort for you? Apparently not and sadly you know it to be true. Sorry bro, but if it was meant to be, you guys would have fought harder to make it.


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## Jynxgirl

That is a bit harsh indo. In an emirati culture, their family is above individual (in most cases). It is not her decision to make alone. There are a few who will go against their family but it will usually not be taken well. When your family network is the most important, would you go against them? It may not be right, but it is how it is. Her father may have already given his word to someone else for his daughter and can not go against it. Many girls are not even made aware of this until later on, when they are told who it is they are going to marry. They may not wish for their daughter to marry a non emirati as then her children will no longer be emirati's. As wrong as we may think that the passport doesnt follow both males and females, it is something they have to think about. This individual isnt in the uae and doesnt appear to be moving to the uae. A family might have quite a few reservations if a man wishes to marry their daughter rather live in the west then a middle eastern country. So many different cultural barriers.

We may not think it is right, but it is life of being an emirati. Well, at least a female emirati.


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## indoMLA

Jynxgirl said:


> That is a bit harsh indo. In an emirati culture, their family is above individual (in most cases). It is not her decision to make alone. There are a few who will go against their family but it will usually not be taken well. When your family network is the most important, would you go against them? It may not be right, but it is how it is. Her father may have already given his word to someone else for his daughter and can not go against it. Many girls are not even made aware of this until later on, when they are told who it is they are going to marry. They may not wish for their daughter to marry a non emirati as then her children will no longer be emirati's. As wrong as we may think that the passport doesnt follow both males and females, it is something they have to think about. This individual isnt in the uae and doesnt appear to be moving to the uae. A family might have quite a few reservations if a man wishes to marry their daughter rather live in the west then a middle eastern country. So many different cultural barriers.
> 
> We may not think it is right, but it is life of being an emirati. Well, at least a female emirati.


I agree I was a bit harsh, but the OP said that his gf has lived in the west and is more assimilated to that culture, so my assumption would have been that she is quite a bit distanced from the family network. My error as that may not be the case (she may have a strong network in the west). 

My apologies to the OP for being harsh. It is frustrating though that someone can't stand up to their folks for the sake of their own happiness.


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## desertdude

I would say thats pretty lame, the mother says no one time and thats it ?


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## dizzyizzy

desertdude said:


> I would say thats pretty lame, the mother says no one time and thats it ?


He already explained that is not just her mother who says no, but her mother on behalf of her husband.


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## desertdude

Still pretty lame. I would not and did not give up so easily. Its safe to say I do not have a good relation with my family now because of who I choose to spend my life with but at the end of the day its my life and I have to live it, not my family.

Its either, one can make his family happy and be miserable for the rest of his life or upset the family for sometime and be happy.

Ofcourse the girl has to make the biggest sacrifice in this case. If the OP or his GF were expecting a smooth ride with out any bumps then they were not being realistic at all. What was he expecting ? That they would gladly welcome him into the fold ? 

My opinion is that both of them as adults have made the choice, now its the family's choice wheter to be a part of their lives or not. Not the other way round.


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## indoMLA

Kasey Smith said:


> as far i know it is illegal to marry a local lady now..


Based on what? Post the rule/regulation/etc.


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## pamela0810

Wow! That means there are a lot of single local ladies out there!


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## Jynxgirl

It is not illegal, but many conservative emiratis wish it was. They wish to discourage it, especially for women as then their kids are not being raised in the 'emirati' way... As the male is the head of household. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA, right!

A recent article More Emirati women marrying foreigners - The National


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## sickofdreaming

undisclosed said:


> Hey guys, I don't live in the UAE, but rather in a western country. My gf is an emirati girl from Dubai, im crazy about this girl! and i know all the restrictions that happen in the gulf. I've done my research, i just want to know what are my chances of marrying this girl! She is going to ask her mum that i'm interested in the next few days as she is on a Uni break. (she is from a mixed marriage herself, her dad is a local but her mother is from the gulf).
> 
> I am muslim and an Iraqi, but pretty much have lived all my life in a western country.
> 
> I would really appreciate any advice or if anyone has gone through the same experience or has a friend who has. I'm crazy about this girl! I just want to know where i stand
> 
> Regards




I really would like to talk to you, so I hope you see this post here or through your inbox. I am in a similar situation and other than just sharing an experience, it is so hard to connect with people here from the same background, as it is so private.

I know you already let us know that her mother rejected you, but I read the entire thread in anticipation for the results, which devastate me, as I am sure I can imagine how it would feel.

Please let me know if you want to get in touch, at least through email.


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## sickofdreaming

*I would like to contact you about your experience*



undisclosed said:


> Hey guys, I don't live in the UAE, but rather in a western country. My gf is an emirati girl from Dubai, im crazy about this girl! and i know all the restrictions that happen in the gulf. I've done my research, i just want to know what are my chances of marrying this girl! She is going to ask her mum that i'm interested in the next few days as she is on a Uni break. (she is from a mixed marriage herself, her dad is a local but her mother is from the gulf).
> 
> I am muslim and an Iraqi, but pretty much have lived all my life in a western country.
> 
> I would really appreciate any advice or if anyone has gone through the same experience or has a friend who has. I'm crazy about this girl! I just want to know where i stand
> 
> Regards




I really would like to talk to you, so I hope you see this post here or through your inbox. I am in a similar situation and other than just sharing an experience, it is so hard to connect with people here from the same background, as it is so private.

I know you already let us know that her mother rejected you, but I read the entire thread in anticipation for the results, which devastate me, as I am sure I can imagine how it would feel.

Please let me know if you want to get in touch, at least through email.


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