# HELP! I got a girl pregnant while on vacation in Mexico, I need expats expert advice.



## Zinny

I wish I could have introduced myself and contributed to this forum previously, however I have a challenging issue and need the communities honest advice. I am in a very real and sobering situation.

Basically I am from New Zealand and I have just returned from a month long vacation in Mexico and USA. The trip was amazing, it was myself and a few friends from Australia and New Zealand and we spent most of the time in the Mayan Riviera. I met a great girl on Isla Mujeres, we hit it off and a week later I flew over to her home in DF for a few days to visit her. 

I received some life changing news a few days ago that she is pregnant, she wants to keep the baby and she also wants me to be involved with the child. All of this from an irresponsible drunken night.

Everything has happened all at once. She is a nice girl with very supportive family and friends, she has been raised well and has a career as a doctor. The funny thing is if I had not received this news I STILL would have been interested in starting a relationship with her, she thinks the same way.

Me on the other hand, I have no real career. I have a bachelors degree in business but just have a job driving a forklift. I moved back with my parents to save money for the trip, and am back here now living with them again. A strange situation for someone in their early 30's.

I am broke right now, in debt and I don't earn a lot of money. I have only told my parents (and the expat forum!). My parents who are my lifeline have always helped me out when I'm in trouble. However, they are traditional, close-minded and I think they perceive Mexican people as untrustworthy, they keep on asking if it is mine (I think the mother-to-be is genuine when she tells me she is certain it is mine), they have also told me not to make any rash decisions and also suggesting I do not tell anyone else about it (because of stigma perhaps?). 

I don't feel good or bad about the situation, I just want to do the right thing and make sure the child has a father who is around or at least involved. I think the child will have more government support in New Zealand, but will have more support from friends and extended family if it is raised in Mexico. My main question is this:

If I was to move to Mexico to be with the child what can I do to make an income? I have thought about teaching English, conducting English language tours around Mexico City, perhaps selling tours to Australians and New Zealanders? Importing/Exporting? I understand I can never get a job that a Mexican can do (i.e. driving a forklift), leaving me the only option of starting a small business (most likely something to do with speaking english?). 

I am panicking and in a state of despair, I need your serious advice. I hope I have given you enough information about my situation for you to form any opinions on what I should do, not only for work/income but in general. 

I thank you in advance, throw me some ideas, I am all ears.


----------



## Detailman

Zinny said:


> I wish I could have introduced myself and contributed to this forum previously, however I have a challenging issue and need the communities honest advice. I am in a very real and sobering situation.
> 
> Basically I am from New Zealand and I have just returned from a month long vacation in Mexico and USA. The trip was amazing, it was myself and a few friends from Australia and New Zealand and we spent most of the time in the Mayan Riviera. I met a great girl on Isla Mujeres, we hit it off and a week later I flew over to her home in DF for a few days to visit her.
> 
> I received some life changing news a few days ago that she is pregnant, she wants to keep the baby and she also wants me to be involved with the child. All of this from an irresponsible drunken night.
> 
> Everything has happened all at once. She is a nice girl with very supportive family and friends, she has been raised well and has a career as a doctor. The funny thing is if I had not received this news I STILL would have been interested in starting a relationship with her, she thinks the same way.
> 
> Me on the other hand, I have no real career. I have a bachelors degree in business but just have a job driving a forklift. I moved back with my parents to save money for the trip, and am back here now living with them again. A strange situation for someone in their early 30's.
> 
> I am broke right now, in debt and I don't earn a lot of money. I have only told my parents (and the expat forum!). My parents who are my lifeline have always helped me out when I'm in trouble. However, they are traditional, close-minded and I think they perceive Mexican people as untrustworthy, they keep on asking if it is mine (I think the mother-to-be is genuine when she tells me she is certain it is mine), they have also told me not to make any rash decisions and also suggesting I do not tell anyone else about it (because of stigma perhaps?).
> 
> I don't feel good or bad about the situation, I just want to do the right thing and make sure the child has a father who is around or at least involved. I think the child will have more government support in New Zealand, but will have more support from friends and extended family if it is raised in Mexico. My main question is this:
> 
> If I was to move to Mexico to be with the child what can I do to make an income? I have thought about teaching English, conducting English language tours around Mexico City, perhaps selling tours to Australians and New Zealanders? Importing/Exporting? I understand I can never get a job that a Mexican can do (i.e. driving a forklift), leaving me the only option of starting a small business (most likely something to do with speaking english?).
> 
> I am panicking and in a state of despair, I need your serious advice. I hope I have given you enough information about my situation for you to form any opinions on what I should do, not only for work/income but in general.
> 
> I thank you in advance, throw me some ideas, I am all ears.


If you are the father you have a definite responsibility but before you proceed on that basis I offer the following.

The first thing you should do is request a DNA test to prove paternity. You may be the father or you may be the better alternative to another person who is the real father. First things first. Make sure that you are the father before you make your next decisions.

The other thing I would be concerned with is her background. You say that she "has a career as a doctor." I am not sure whether that means she: (a) wants to be a doctor; (b) is a doctor; or (c) is training to be a doctor.

I think you need to control who does the paternity test due to the fact that if they are a well established family and/or connected and/or they are in the medical community they could produce evidence of paternity that is falsified.

Do not take anything for granted!!

A legal word to the wise. Proceed cautiously until all the facts have been verified.


----------



## Zinny

Detailman said:


> If you are the father you have a definite responsibility but before you proceed on that basis I offer the following.
> 
> The first thing you should do is request a DNA test to prove paternity. You may be the father or you may be the better alternative to another person who is the real father. First things first. Make sure that you are the father before you make your next decisions.
> 
> The other thing I would be concerned with is her background. You say that she "has a career as a doctor." I am not sure whether that means she: (a) wants to be a doctor; (b) is a doctor; or (c) is training to be a doctor.
> 
> I think you need to control who does the paternity test due to the fact that if they are a well established family and/or connected and/or they are in the medical community they could produce evidence of paternity that is falsified.
> 
> Do not take anything for granted!!
> 
> A legal word to the wise. Proceed cautiously until all the facts have been verified.


Thank you Detailman! I appreciate receiving advice from people in the know about Mexico.

She is an eye surgeon with a private practice (I guess this makes her a doctor?) and although I am fairly certain she is genuine, I will look into a prenatal paternity test. 

If the results come back positive, what options do I have for making money in DF?


----------



## Belizegirl

Zinny, I was once a single mom and just want to thank you for thinking about trying to be in your child's life and the very important questions you have asked. 

On another note, prenatal DNA testing is not recommended, unless there is a concern about the baby.


----------



## Zinny

Thanks Belizegirl, I can't imagine how difficult being a single mom would be (we spell it "mum" in NZ!), huge respect! I will wait until the baby is born for DNA testing.


----------



## Jreboll

Since there is very little that you can offer this lady it is presumptuous of you to demand a DNA test. It would seem that you are questioning her honor


----------



## GARYJ65

What does the Doctor wants?
She wants to live/marry you? You being broke and not being able to support either her or the baby?
What chances you have to work in Mexico City without speaking the language, no university degree and being a forklift operator? you do the math

If that would be my case, I would stay home, work harder, finish my studies and send my baby as much money as I could.
Even without the pregnancy issue it seems to me that you are in a huge disadvantage for a serious relationship
On the other hand, you may give it a try, and against all odds, you may be siccesful. I think that is not likely to happen


----------



## lagoloo

I have some doubts about the reality of your post, but am answering as though it were genuine.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Me on the other hand, I have no real career. I have a bachelors degree in business but just have a job driving a forklift. I moved back with my parents to save money for the trip, and am back here now living with them again. A strange situation for someone in their early 30's."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's see: You have a degree in business but are living with your parents and driving a forklift.
Yup. Strange situation. I think that you and that Mexican lady doctor (yes, she certainly is if she's doing eye surgery) have just about zip in common, other than a fetus. I suspect marriage would be a mistake on both your parts on the long term. Think about the language school option, but it does pay only spare change. In Mexico, it sounds like you'd be a "keptive". In your home country, her professional degree might not be recognized and your parents probably won't feel like taking in the whole family on a long term basis.

Since asking for a pre natal paternity test would definitely be an insult to the lady, and it hardly matters what the results are since you can't be forced to either marry her or support the child if it's yours.......there's not much point in doing it, is there?


----------



## expatgal

Zinny said:


> Thank you Detailman! I appreciate receiving advice from people in the know about Mexico.
> 
> She is an eye surgeon with a private practice (I guess this makes her a doctor?) and although I am fairly certain she is genuine, I will look into a prenatal paternity test.
> 
> If the results come back positive, what options do I have for making money in DF?


Fools don't practice safe sex.
If your post is real and genuine, if she was and is a doctor, she would have practiced safe sex. AND you would not be posting these questions.
I love fiction, and read this with my morning coffee.


----------



## lagoloo

expatgal said:


> Fools don't practice safe sex.
> If your post is real and genuine, if she was and is a doctor, she would have practiced safe sex. AND you would not be posting these questions.


Confusion say: It's an ill conceived plan to have unsafe sex during state of drunk.


----------



## expatgal

lagoloo said:


> Confusion say: It's an ill conceived plan to have unsafe sex during state of drunk.


Confusion say: Some fools should be neutered.


----------



## Isla Verde

Where is the OP? Have we scared him away with our advice, warnings and skepticism?


----------



## PanamaJack

Isla Verde said:


> Where is the OP? Have we scared him away with our advice, warnings and skepticism?


If the OP is real, then he is 17 or 18 hours ahead of us so it could be he is currently sleeping.


----------



## lagoloo

Assuming he's real, he only posted yesterday late afternoon, so then it would be Saturday night party time and he'd be getting up about ??? in New Zealand.

C'mon back, OP........we expert expats know how it is to be young and foolish. THAT foolish? Well, some of us no doubt were.


----------



## Isla Verde

lagoloo said:


> Assuming he's real, he only posted yesterday late afternoon, so then it would be Saturday night party time and he'd be getting up about ??? in New Zealand.
> 
> C'mon back, OP........we expert expats know how it is to be young and foolish. THAT foolish? Well, some of us no doubt were.


He wrote he's in his early thirties, so he's not that young, though he does seem to be foolish.


----------



## expatgal

Isla Verde said:


> Where is the OP? Have we scared him away with our advice, warnings and skepticism?


OP says "Hasta la vista, baby"

I've always wanted to say that...kind of.


----------



## Isla Verde

expatgal said:


> OP says "Hasta la vista, baby"
> 
> I've always wanted to say that...kind of.


I never did, but whatever makes you happy, expatgal. I do hope that's not what the OP will say to the mother of his unborn child, if indeed he is the father.


----------



## Guategringo

I was hit with a case of deja vu when I read this earlier this morning. Twenty years ago the same thing happened to me my first year living in Guatemala. When I was told by my lady friend she was pregnant and I was the father I asked the advice of a Guatemalan friend. His advice was 1. ask for a DNA test. Heis reasoning was that many women in latin america believe that hooking up with a foreigner will open doors for them, change their lifestyle or at the least get them out of poverty.
2. If the child is yours, do not marry because of the child. 
You will not be dishonoring, disrespecting or insulting anyone if you ask for a DNA test. This is your life we are talking about. Who woud be willing to raise a child that is not theirs just so you do not insult the woman involved? 
By the way, the baby was not mine and thanks to the DNA (following the birth) I did not raise a child that was not my responsibility.


----------



## TundraGreen

Guategringo said:


> I was hit with a case of deja vu when I read this earlier this morning. Twenty years ago the same thing happened to me my first year living in Guatemala. When I was told by my lady friend she was pregnant and I was the father I asked the advice of a Guatemalan friend. His advice was 1. ask for a DNA test. Heis reasoning was that many women in latin america believe that hooking up with a foreigner will open doors for them, change their lifestyle or at the least get them out of poverty.
> 2. If the child is yours, do not marry because of the child.
> You will not be dishonoring, disrespecting or insulting anyone if you ask for a DNA test. This is your life we are talking about. Who woud be willing to raise a child that is not theirs just so you do not insult the woman involved?
> By the way, the baby was not mine and thanks to the DNA (following the birth) I did not raise a child that was not my responsibility.


In this case, it seems to me that the woman should be careful not to marry just for the sake of the child. Her life will be sufficiently complicated raising a child. She should not increase the complication by adding as a husband, a man she barely knows and one who barely seems able to take care of himself at the moment (substantial debt and living with parents).


----------



## Micksan

yup i will give you some advice................put something on the end of it!!!...they are called....CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## GARYJ65

Guategringo said:


> I was hit with a case of deja vu when I read this earlier this morning. Twenty years ago the same thing happened to me my first year living in Guatemala. When I was told by my lady friend she was pregnant and I was the father I asked the advice of a Guatemalan friend. His advice was 1. ask for a DNA test. Heis reasoning was that many women in latin america believe that hooking up with a foreigner will open doors for them, change their lifestyle or at the least get them out of poverty.
> 2. If the child is yours, do not marry because of the child.
> You will not be dishonoring, disrespecting or insulting anyone if you ask for a DNA test. This is your life we are talking about. Who woud be willing to raise a child that is not theirs just so you do not insult the woman involved?
> By the way, the baby was not mine and thanks to the DNA (following the birth) I did not raise a child that was not my responsibility.


Nor you cared about the Mother or the child, this is one of those things...
People adopt children that are not theirs


----------



## TundraGreen

GARYJ65 said:


> Nor you cared about the Mother or the child, this is one of those things...
> People adopt children that are not theirs


I have personal experience with that. My son's girl friend had a child. My son became the de facto father when the child was an infant. When the boy was six, my son adopted him. And when the boy was nine, my son and the boy's mother married. The infant I used to baby sit for is now in college.

My experience actually goes back a lot further than that, since I was adopted as an infant.


----------



## Guategringo

TundraGreen said:


> I have personal experience with that. My son's girl friend had a child. My son became the de facto father when the child was an infant. When the boy was six, my son adopted him. And when the boy was nine, my son and the boy's mother married. The infant I used to baby sit for is now in college.
> 
> My experience actually goes back a lot further than that, since I was adopted as an infant.


Tundra and Gary you two misunderstood the second advice I was given. He said not to get married JUST because the child was mine, if it was. Getting married because it was "the right and honorable thing to do" is not correct he said. You get married because you love the one you are marrying is what he said.


----------



## TundraGreen

Guategringo said:


> Tundra and Gary you two misunderstood the second advice I was given. He said not to get married JUST because the child was mine, if it was. Getting married because it was "the right and honorable thing to do" is not correct he said. You get married because you love the one you are marrying is what he said.


I did not intend to comment directly on your experience. I agree getting married is not automatically good for either partner whatever the paternity.


----------



## GARYJ65

Guategringo said:


> Tundra and Gary you two misunderstood the second advice I was given. He said not to get married JUST because the child was mine, if it was. Getting married because it was "the right and honorable thing to do" is not correct he said. You get married because you love the one you are marrying is what he said.


I did not misunderstand, just added some more


----------



## RVGRINGO

Does anyone else think there might be a troll out there, just chuckling at all of our responses?


----------



## lagoloo

Just who, one may ask, would post on an expat forum largely occupied by retired gringos about a "problem" involving a New Zealander partying down with a Mexicana and getting her pregnant, other than a little green fella wearing a tam-o-shanter
and collecting tolls at a troll bridge?

:flypig:


----------



## ojosazules11

I suspected right off the bat there might be some leg pulling going on here, but then I've also known truth to be stranger than fiction. 

I was tickled by the poster who said there is no way a doctor would ever have unsafe sex. Just because someone knows something is stupid doesn't mean they won't do it in the heat of passion with a few drinks under their belt. Doctors are normal human beings, but end up feeling MORE foolish the morning after because they know better - but don't we all? It doesn't take a medical degree to figure out the potential consequences of this particular "oops!"


----------



## TundraGreen

This thread has been temporarily locked pending an investigation into the validity of the original post.

My apologies for the inconvenience.


----------

