# Stress with parents on explaining process for anything



## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Hello Guys,

Parents are at my back again. Ever since I have been back all I hear them talking about is how easy it would be for me to bring ANNE to U.S. AND everytime I tell them the process is not that simple. My father tells me get her a tourist visa and passport and try to marry her once I get her here. It's against the law for one thing and secondly if caught she couldn't visit U.S. for 10 years or maybe banned forever. What would you recommend me guys for handling this stress because I am trying and I hear this from them EVERYDAY and I am getting sick of it. Dad thinks it so easy to bring Anne over here and just get her a hospice job. He always criticizes me and tells me I don't want her here which in most perspectives I don't but if she had opportunity to earn as nurse I would just for her but she is 31 now so if we are going to have a child she is at that age we should be planning that. Anne and I decided to stay and each year we will have a yearly travel outside of country so she can experience and keep her thoughts away from leaving abroad. :bounce:


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

jdavis10 said:


> Hello Guys,
> 
> Parents are at my back again. Ever since I have been back all I hear them talking about is how easy it would be for me to bring ANNE to U.S. AND everytime I tell them the process is not that simple. My father tells me get her a tourist visa and passport and try to marry her once I get her here. It's against the law for one thing and secondly if caught she couldn't visit U.S. for 10 years or maybe banned forever. What would you recommend me guys for handling this stress because I am trying and I hear this from them EVERYDAY and I am getting sick of it. Dad thinks it so easy to bring Anne over here and just get her a hospice job. He always criticizes me and tells me I don't want her here which in most perspectives I don't but if she had opportunity to earn as nurse I would just for her but she is 31 now so if we are going to have a child she is at that age we should be planning that. Anne and I decided to stay and each year we will have a yearly travel outside of country so she can experience and keep her thoughts away from leaving abroad. :bounce:


The man is concerned not only about his daughter but also the "Pinoy Welfare Act" - ie: she gets there and then supports not only him but the rest of the family as well - forever. 
So this falls into the category called "You Can't Fix Stupid." You have tried to the best of your ability to explain things and either he can not or will not understand. No longer your problem. I would either learn to ignore stupid people or move far enough away from her family that they do not present a problem. Perhaps the next island will be far enough away. Many expats face that very same problem and put at least 2 to 6 hours travel time between themselves and the wife's family. Also, to a degree, it may be necessary to lay down the law to your wife and hope it sinks in.
Sounds harsh maybe; but is the only effective way short of giving up and going home that I have heard of...



Gene


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

jdavis10,
I think you're talking about your parents?

Gene,
I'd be worried if it takes them so long to get to you then they might stay LONGER if they visit and it'll cost more to get them to leave!


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

CVGTC.

Yes I am referring MY PARENTS NOT HERS. Her parents love me there and as I told before are very loving. Its MY family who is stressing me out here as I am visiting them here and leaving in September to go back. thank goodness. Miss my anne so much.




cvgtpc1 said:


> jdavis10,
> I think you're talking about your parents?
> 
> Gene,
> I'd be worried if it takes them so long to get to you then they might stay LONGER if they visit and it'll cost more to get them to leave!


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Gene,

What advice can you give about MY PARENTS NOT HERS. If her parents were like that I would raise the red flag from the get go but they brought me in and love me because I treat their daughter way she deserves and she is happy that is all they want for her and us to have a child but that is in the making .


My parents are the one thinking those things, reread my post Gene lol


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

cvgtpc1 said:


> jdavis10,
> I think you're talking about your parents?
> 
> Gene,
> I'd be worried if it takes them so long to get to you then they might stay LONGER if they visit and it'll cost more to get them to leave!


An American friend of ours had that very problem with them wanting to stay since they traveled a long way. It happened two times only. When they showed up with no invite, he put them on public transportation back home - the same day they arrived. Only took two times and they learned. It's called "tough love"...


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## jdavis10 (Oct 1, 2012)

Showed up with no invite? I am confused. My problem is my parents are wanting me to STAY in U.S. and raise family there with Anne but its not that easy. I love being around Anne family they are very lively and treat me well always smiling and wanting me to be healthy and eat. Despite my hardships in Philippines it was an adventure for me each day. I am treated like a celebrity and for a chap like me it builds my self esteem. Good Feeling to have and have things within reach in Philippines. I am just simple guy wanting old fashion life. I got that in Philippines.




Gene and Viol said:


> An American friend of ours had that very problem with them wanting to stay since they traveled a long way. It happened two times only. When they showed up with no invite, he put them on public transportation back home - the same day they arrived. Only took two times and they learned. It's called "tough love"...


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Your parents*



jdavis10 said:


> Gene,
> 
> What advice can you give about MY PARENTS NOT HERS. If her parents were like that I would raise the red flag from the get go but they brought me in and love me because I treat their daughter way she deserves and she is happy that is all they want for her and us to have a child but that is in the making .
> 
> ...


Sounds like they would like to be close to the grand kids, most grand parents don't get that much time with their grand kids in the states, maybe you can talk them into taking an extended vacation every now and then to help relieve the stress.


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