# Unwanted Mealtime Visitors



## mrbobo (Dec 11, 2014)

At my home here in the province we have a large outdoor cooking and eating area that is used for all meals and everyone in the neighborhood knows it. We do not cook or eat inside. It seems that at noontime and 6 pm when we are cooking and preparing to eat many "visitors" show up. Coincidence? I think not. They rarely show up at hours outside of meal time. I am sure that this has been going on since we built the house in 2006. I was working abroad and only came home on vacation so I didn't notice it. I am retired now and have been living here for several months and I have now noticed the pattern. My wife is an ex city counsellor so she is very well known in the municipality and has lots of "visitors". She also has a big heart and won't turn anyone away as many are destitute. Granted they are not going to put me in the poorhouse but feeding the neighborhood is not what I signed up for. I am debating whether I should put my foot down. Advice?


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## pakawala (Sep 10, 2014)

mrbobo said:


> At my home here in the province we have a large outdoor cooking and eating area that is used for all meals and everyone in the neighborhood knows it. We do not cook or eat inside. It seems that at noontime and 6 pm when we are cooking and preparing to eat many "visitors" show up. Coincidence? I think not. They rarely show up at hours outside of meal time. I am sure that this has been going on since we built the house in 2006. I was working abroad and only came home on vacation so I didn't notice it. I am retired now and have been living here for several months and I have now noticed the pattern. My wife is an ex city counsellor so she is very well known in the municipality and has lots of "visitors". She also has a big heart and won't turn anyone away as many are destitute. Granted they are not going to put me in the poorhouse but feeding the neighborhood is not what I signed up for. I am debating whether I should put my foot down. Advice?





mrbobo said:


> I live in a secure compound with cement walls topped with barbed wire and we have three dogs who go crazy if a stranger comes around. With that being said most westerners that fall victim to foul play are not victimized by strangers. .


how do they get in your place with 3 vicious guard dogs, barb wire, high concrete walls?


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## mrbobo (Dec 11, 2014)

The dogs are not vicious but they will make a lot of noise when someone comes to the front gate. As to how they get in it's really quite simple, my wife opens the gate and lets them in.


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## pakawala (Sep 10, 2014)

mrbobo said:


> As to how they get in it's really quite simple, my wife opens the gate and lets them in.


Well, therein lies your problem wouldn't you agree??


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## Nickleback99 (Aug 6, 2011)

mrbobo said:


> The dogs are not vicious but they will make a lot of noise when someone comes to the front gate. As to how they get in it's really quite simple, my wife opens the gate and lets them in.



It's one thing to feed your own family, but to feed the neighborhood mooches? I think not and If me?...I'd tell my wife to STOP the MADNESS. I'M Not a Soup Kitchen. What you do is of course up to you. I simply couldn't take it though. Don't envy you cause once you start feeding "wild dogs", they tend to turn on ya teal quick when you stop.


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## jcbf (Jan 15, 2015)

Sadly, this is sometimes the side-effect of Filipino Hospitality.

You mentioned your wife was "ex-counsellor". Indeed this means practically everyone in your area will approach her seeking favor and help - even if she is no longer in that position.

Your wife, being the "public servant" she was will do what she was used to doing. "can't say no to the community, I have to help them". 

Here are a few tips I could think off, but they require that you sit down with your wife and get her consent on them if ever needed:

1. If you have a maid, helper, houseboy, driver, yaya, cook (you get the idea) - let them "man" the gates. You want a checkpoint to filter the people coming in. Train the person basic stuff like: 
"I'm sorry but Ms.Counsellor is only accepting visitors from 10am to 1pm. Can you come back tomorrow?"
"Is it a life or death emergency?"
"I'm sorry she is having dinner with her family and does not want to be disturbed. Can I take a message and relay it?"
"Give me your phone number and I'll make sure Mrs. Counsellor will sms you."

2. Some filipino in public office had this setup: He would open his garage gate everyday from 10am to 1pm. His garage led to his small personal office. This is how he would accept visitors on a daily basis. So, yeah I'm suggesting you create a receiving area where no one else is permitted to cross over.

This is about creating boundaries. Talk to your wife and politely explain your side. Let her know while it's nice to cater to the public's needs, you as her husband have needs too. A need for security and privacy, peace and quiet. She should prioritize you above all others. Tell her "mahal, asawa mo ako" (My love, you are my wife and I am your husband) 

The tips I suggested above would allow you more privacy while still trying to address your wife's desire to accept visitors.

My apologies for the long reply. Mabuhay ka bro!


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

jcbf said:


> Sadly, this is sometimes the side-effect of Filipino Hospitality.
> 
> You mentioned your wife was "ex-counsellor". Indeed this means practically everyone in your area will approach her seeking favor and help - even if she is no longer in that position.
> 
> ...


Great reply with ideas that in my opinion would probably works as long as the wife is on board. Sounds kinda like living on the high side of Beverly Hills in Los Angeles, California. But it works very well there and no reason it can not work here as well.
Doing it this way also puts the expat out of the picture of being the bad guy and that is good for his continued LIFE and happiness here.


Jet Lag


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

mrbobo said:


> At my home here in the province we have a large outdoor cooking and eating area that is used for all meals and everyone in the neighborhood knows it. We do not cook or eat inside. It seems that at noontime and 6 pm when we are cooking and preparing to eat many "visitors" show up. Coincidence? I think not. They rarely show up at hours outside of meal time. I am sure that this has been going on since we built the house in 2006. I was working abroad and only came home on vacation so I didn't notice it. I am retired now and have been living here for several months and I have now noticed the pattern. My wife is an ex city counsellor so she is very well known in the municipality and has lots of "visitors". She also has a big heart and won't turn anyone away as many are destitute. Granted they are not going to put me in the poorhouse but feeding the neighborhood is not what I signed up for. I am debating whether I should put my foot down. Advice?


Just say NO


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*The enabler*



mrbobo said:


> The dogs are not vicious but they will make a lot of noise when someone comes to the front gate. As to how they get in it's really quite simple, my wife opens the gate and lets them in.


My wife did this frequently but this happening has slowed down, we used to have two ladies show up for breakfast, lunch and dinne, main reason for this is the ladies get to talk, gossip it keeps them happy but it adds up, we've had neighbors also become a fixture during lunch and dinner, that pretty much ended.

My wife has come a very long way and it takes time, I've been here 5 years and this sort of issue took about 3 years to break, I've shown her that we should focus more on our immediate family and pointed out the many issue's we've had with guests that show up but what keeps the spouse happy is talking with others, so every now and then it happens.


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

It does take time for them to realize what you want.
Talk to Konsehala 
Tell her that you love to have company AFTER meals


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Freeloading never stops*



galactic said:


> It does take time for them to realize what you want.
> Talk to Konsehala
> Tell her that you love to have company AFTER meals


We had a mini celebration with some nice foods and beer, I got my annual Immigration check in out of the way so I bought Sashimi, Bato-bato or we call it flounder stateside, large fish, beef campo, comes in rolls but is heavenly on the BBQ and a case of colt 45. Wifes in-laws come over and start attacking the table this was for drinking and paluton, we had to bring out the left overs to those that were cleaning up the good stuff, they sure didn't look to happy.

They'll get the hint even talking to them nicely that my wife enjoys company after meals and they won't come over, I guess a good thing and good riddance. I haven't run into to many people that won't use the heck out of us but I do have one friend that brings his cows in the back, eats the grass, we talk and sometimes share plants, he give me Jack Fruit I'll give some herbs like stevia, real good guy, he's one in a million sadly.


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

mcalleyboy said:


> I haven't run into to many people that won't use the heck out of us but I do have one friend that brings his cows in the back, eats the grass, we talk and sometimes share plants, he give me Jack Fruit I'll give some herbs like stevia, real good guy, he's one in a million sadly.


There are still a lot of Pinoys out there who has some sense of Integrity left in them.
Mostly have had military backgrounds.
They are getting to be a rare breed but they are out there.
I just hope you still have an open mind to let them in


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*I've ran into ex military*



galactic said:


> There are still a lot of Pinoys out there who has some sense of Integrity left in them.
> Mostly have had military backgrounds.
> They are getting to be a rare breed but they are out there.
> I just hope you still have an open mind to let them in


I've run into retired military/police/OFW's from Saudi and have a in-law cousin across the street that works for the barnagay and I agree with you, I don't shut my doors to anyone even on the expat boards, I've received some of the best information by former Philippine citizens, one of my friends "Art" (another board) he's headed back to California and doing is paper work though the San Francisco Philippine Consulate branch, so there's also former Philippine citizens getting repatriated back into their motherland and going through the same Immigration process. Another guy named "Maximillian" (different board) he also gave me some advice on the SLEX, I've never drove there and from the Google Earth picture I can't see an entrance only an exit spot (BI satellite office) but he assured me that I can get on and get off at this same exit, worked like a charm yesterday and I got my annual Immigration check in completed for another year.

Good thing I didn't go to the SM mall in Sta Rosa, there was shooting yesterday, police officer lost his life, we went to the Calamba SM mall. Traveling back on SLEX the Calamba Laguna exit is confusing there's another exit just 50 meters away first and then the Calamba Laguna exit is following, this time I drove slowly, I'm tired of missing exits and getting stuck in the wrong spots.


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

galactic said:


> There are still a lot of Pinoys out there who has some sense of Integrity left in them.
> Mostly have had military backgrounds.
> They are getting to be a rare breed but they are out there.
> I just hope you still have an open mind to let them in


I agree with this. Most of the ones that I know that fit this bill are either successful businessmen, former OFW or retired Military.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

jon1 said:


> I agree with this. Most of the ones that I know that fit this bill are either successful businessmen, former OFW or retired Military.


In full agreement with Jon.
.spot on


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## Maxx62 (Dec 31, 2013)

mrbobo said:


> At my home here in the province we have a large outdoor cooking and eating area that is used for all meals and everyone in the neighborhood knows it. We do not cook or eat inside. It seems that at noontime and 6 pm when we are cooking and preparing to eat many "visitors" show up. Coincidence? I think not. They rarely show up at hours outside of meal time. I am sure that this has been going on since we built the house in 2006. I was working abroad and only came home on vacation so I didn't notice it. I am retired now and have been living here for several months and I have now noticed the pattern. My wife is an ex city counsellor so she is very well known in the municipality and has lots of "visitors". She also has a big heart and won't turn anyone away as many are destitute. Granted they are not going to put me in the poorhouse but feeding the neighborhood is not what I signed up for. I am debating whether I should put my foot down. Advice?


Maybe you could try buying the cheapest grade of rice and salted fish possible for your neighbors, and prepare better food (out of sight) for you and your family? I think it would be dangerous to cut them off cold turkey, but if you slowly reduce quality and quantity, maybe they'll be less likely to show up everyday. If anybody asks what's going on, just tell them you're experiencing financial hardships at the moment. I know how you feel, this kinda stuff can drive you crakers. -


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## esv1226 (Mar 13, 2014)

If it were me, I would tell my wife how I feel about these visitors - and let her figure out how best to deal with them. Then you are not offending her. Maybe she'll come up with some arrangements that is satisfactory to all parties.


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

esv1226 said:


> If it were me, I would tell my wife how I feel about these visitors - and let her figure out how best to deal with them. Then you are not offending her. Maybe she'll come up with some arrangements that is satisfactory to all parties.


Good stuff!:thumb:


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

esv1226 said:


> If it were me, I would tell my wife how I feel about these visitors - and let her figure out how best to deal with them. Then you are not offending her. Maybe she'll come up with some arrangements that is satisfactory to all parties.


I would say cook food that's not palatable to the natives .. like a bit of extra chilli does wonders ... or just minus the rice and say you are in healthy eating now ... 

Cooking with a bit of chilli and spice did ensure once not many ate my favourite sardine dish :


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

ecureilx said:


> I would say cook food that's not palatable to the natives .. like a bit of extra chilli does wonders ... or just minus the rice and say you are in healthy eating now ...
> 
> Cooking with a bit of chilli and spice did ensure once not many ate my favourite sardine dish :


Many Filipinos like it hot. Bicol express....mindanao


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

Chili and No rice will be more to the liking of the eaters.

More viand "ulam" will be consumed because there is no rice.
And more Coke will be demanded because its spicy.

I used to have the same problem, what I did was modify chow time. 
Advanced it or delayed it a few random hours during the course of a month. (yes, thats how long it took to shake them off)


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

galactic said:


> Chili and No rice will be more to the liking of the eaters.
> 
> More viand "ulam" will be consumed because there is no rice.
> And more Coke will be demanded because its spicy.
> ...


Lol


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

lefties43332 said:


> Many Filipinos like it hot. Bicol express....mindanao


For Luzon folks . If you add a dash of Indian spice powder ... the consumption will drop by 90% ...


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*American foods*



ecureilx said:


> I would say cook food that's not palatable to the natives .. like a bit of extra chilli does wonders ... or just minus the rice and say you are in healthy eating now ...
> 
> Cooking with a bit of chilli and spice did ensure once not many ate my favourite sardine dish :


20 years back I visited on an extended vacation and made taco's, spaghetti and all American foods some of the family members demanded rice they didn't wan to eat anymore of these foods without rice. My wife then mentioned to me that they require rice 3 times a day it's a must.

How you get them to run out your door is serve them "Bitter Melon" and the dried fish, my wife and daughter love this and it's a healthy option especially if you have diabetes but in-laws will walk out as fast as they walk in when this is served.


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## HondaGuy (Aug 6, 2012)

Offer them Vegemite sandwiches. They think its Nutella flavored; oh their surprise!


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## esv1226 (Mar 13, 2014)

Lol


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## kingrulzuk (Jan 19, 2010)

How about spicy Indian curry? Yum yum


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

HondaGuy said:


> Offer them Vegemite sandwiches. They think its Nutella flavored; oh their surprise!


Veggiemite good even to kano


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Curry*



kingrulzuk said:


> How about spicy Indian curry? Yum yum


Curry is actually popular here so is another dish similar called Bicol express.


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Vegemite*



HondaGuy said:


> Offer them Vegemite sandwiches. They think its Nutella flavored; oh their surprise!


I've alway's wanted to try Vegemite, never got the chance or missed the chance but I've heard it's not so good.


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## kingrulzuk (Jan 19, 2010)

mcalleyboy said:


> Curry is actually popular here so is another dish similar called Bicol express.



Bicol express looks yummy on google  hehehe


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

mcalleyboy said:


> I've alway's wanted to try Vegemite, never got the chance or missed the chance but I've heard it's not so good.


It is good.


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## Manitoba (Jun 25, 2014)

lefties43332 said:


> It is good.



I trust you mean good to get rid of unwanted visitors.

An acquired taste to say the least.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

Manitoba said:


> I trust you mean good to get rid of unwanted visitors.
> 
> An acquired taste to say the least.


I liked it right off. I'm american. Lived here 10 yrs. Eaten many things worse


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