# Single mum, lone parent never married moving to Dubai



## Sydeti (Dec 10, 2013)

Dear all,

I am a single mum of a 2 years old and have been offered from my company to relocate to Dubai from UK.

I have heard many controversial opinion on the fact that I could have serious problems for the fact that I am a single mum, never married and that my son's father's name is not on his birth certificate.

My only purpose for going to Dubai is work and of course I care that my son could stay with and we wouldn't be considered bad or mistreated, because above all I want our safety and security.

Does anyone have experience with regards to this?

Thank you in advance for your clarifications.!


----------



## bilabi (Aug 11, 2013)

There is another thread on page 1 by another single father, maybe he can help answering your question


----------



## TallyHo (Aug 21, 2011)

In all honesty it's hit or miss whether you'll be able to sponsor your son.

If your company is influential enough then it probably won't be a problem. 

If it's a minor company then it'll probably come down to the official stamping the approval forms at immigration. Luck of the day. 

As for living in Dubai it won't be a problem. You won't be stigmatized by the western expat community. If needed you can always simply say that you're divorced. 

By the way, have you considered what you will do for childcare? 



Sydeti said:


> Dear all,
> 
> I am a single mum of a 2 years old and have been offered from my company to relocate to Dubai from UK.
> 
> ...


----------



## Fat Bhoy Tim (Feb 28, 2013)

We've had single mothers work for us whilst sponsoring their children, so it is possible. As Vantage said, it often comes down to whom your sponsor actually is.


----------



## vantage (May 10, 2012)

Fat Bhoy Tim said:


> We've had single mothers work for us whilst sponsoring their children, so it is possible. As Vantage said, it often comes down to whom your sponsor actually is.


Steady on!

not mixing me up with TallyHo, i hope??!


----------



## IzzyBella (Mar 11, 2013)

vantage said:


> Steady on!
> 
> not mixing me up with TallyHo, i hope??!


You could be compared to worse people on the forum...like me!


--
As for the OP, as everyone says, wasta/influence is important here. I have met a few single parents but mostly you see families (2 parents, 2.4 children)/singletons moving here. I'm wondering if you'd still need a NOC from the child's father even if he's not in the picture/on the birth cert.


----------



## Fat Bhoy Tim (Feb 28, 2013)

vantage said:


> Steady on!
> 
> not mixing me up with TallyHo, i hope??!


:spy:


----------



## cooltide (Dec 10, 2013)

Hi single mum- I posted a query yesterday as I am a single dad considering a move. Regarding your query - my understanding is that if, as you will be able to do, you can demonstrate that you have sole custody or that any shared custody party doesn't object then there is absolutely no issue in you and your child both being legally entitled to reside. Obviously of course, I'd caveat that by emphasising that its just my understanding but I am sure that your employer in Dubai will be able to advise more definitively.

For me it's a great option to be able to consider - excellent schooling, facilities and childcare plus a very safe environment and a nice lifestyle. Good luck!


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Without wanting to sound too negative, Dubai is not necessarily the most ideal place to raise a child as a sinle parent especially if there are no extended family members present. 

1. Work can take over your life and you will depend a lot on your nanny/maid.
2. Your options for a proper social life are very limited if you are a hands on parent. If you don't mind your child being raised by a nanny, then your social life will be amazing!
3. There isn't a network of single parents that you can really depend on so it will be quite tough for your child to completely relate to other kids with most of them living with both parents.

I'm a single mum and have been raising my child alone since he was 18 months old. He is 6 and a half now and in spite of scouring the internet for single mum playgroups in Dubai, etc I found no such thing. I even joined this forum looking for single parents  There were a couple of groups on Internations but some of them dissolved and there's a more recent one with only about 3 or 4 members.

Yes, Dubai is a great city to live in when it comes to lifestyle and security for your child but in terms of overall quality of life, you will need to compromise on a whole lot.

Just wanted to give you another perspective. Hope it helps.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

pamela0810 said:


> Without wanting to sound too negative, Dubai is not necessarily the most ideal place to raise a child as a sinle parent especially if there are no extended family members present.
> 
> 1. Work can take over your life and you will depend a lot on your nanny/maid.
> 2. Your options for a proper social life are very limited if you are a hands on parent. If you don't mind your child being raised by a nanny, then your social life will be amazing!
> ...



Hi, I was reading this quite old thread and decided to join it as I am likely to be in a similar situation soon - I am a single dad looking to move to the UAE with a 11 year old daughter. Could you tell me if the situation is still the same there with respect to childcare, single-parent networks and support? Are there no mechanisms of developing such networks, perhaps through this site or clubs etc?
I am medical by profession and so fully appreciate your comments that work can take over your life...however, are there not fixed contracted hours of work?
I am however a hands-on parent for the significant part of each month and we do a lot of things together, and so I am worried that my daughter may suffer if she loses out on that. Thanks in advance for any advice on this.


----------



## CamJenks (Jul 15, 2014)

Thanks for bumping up this topic; I too have a couple of questions about being a single mum over there.

My main concern really is whether the child is in any way stigmatised for coming from a one-parent family? 

We're English, so she will be going to a Brit school, she is 14. 

I saw above the weight of the company would have an effect as to whether I could sponsor her, or is that for parents who were never married? I am a lawyer, and will be working for a fairly large firm. 

Finally, I am widowed, so presume I would just show a death certificate rather than proving I have sole custody/permission to remove her from England.


----------



## ExpatnKids (May 2, 2014)

I dont see how the weight of the company would have anything to do with sponsoring a child.....unless folks are talking about salary structures, as that is the only thign that can make a difference...specially for mothers sponsoring their kids.

I dont know how the OP made out with her issue, as I dont see how she would have been able to sponsor a child in Dubai that was born out of wedlock. In UAE, Ive read of mothers being taken from the hospital straight to jail, because they gave birth to a kid out of wedlock, so beware of that. Other than that, I dont see any issues with single moms (divorced/widowed) sponsoring their kids.


----------



## CamJenks (Jul 15, 2014)

ExpatnKids said:


> I dont see how the weight of the company would have anything to do with sponsoring a child.....unless folks are talking about salary structures, as that is the only thign that can make a difference...specially for mothers sponsoring their kids.
> 
> I dont know how the OP made out with her issue, as I dont see how she would have been able to sponsor a child in Dubai that was born out of wedlock. In UAE, Ive read of mothers being taken from the hospital straight to jail, because they gave birth to a kid out of wedlock, so beware of that. Other than that, I dont see any issues with single moms (divorced/widowed) sponsoring their kids.


So essentially, the sum total of your reply is that you haven't got an answer, but thought you would post an irrelevant and unsourced scare story regarding unmarried mums anyway? Super, thanks.


----------



## ExpatnKids (May 2, 2014)

CamJenks said:


> So essentially, the sum total of your reply is that you haven't got an answer, but thought you would post an irrelevant and unsourced scare story regarding unmarried mums anyway? Super, thanks.


Your query was about widowed single moms. And I mentioned in my post that yes, you can sponsor your child.

As for the unmarried mom issue, UAE does not follow the same practices as those in the west, so yes, that is a crime here, and yes, unfortunately enough, single unwed moms do get jailed and deported, like it or not. 
You're welcome.


----------



## CamJenks (Jul 15, 2014)

ExpatnKids said:


> Your query was about widowed single moms. And I mentioned in my post that yes, you can sponsor your child.


Um, nope, that isn't what you say. You give a non answer.



ExpatnKids said:


> As for the unmarried mom issue, UAE does not follow the same practices as those in the west, so yes, that is a crime here, and yes, unfortunately enough, single unwed moms do get jailed and deported, like it or not.
> You're welcome.


I don't know if you don't understand the term 'widowed', but someone who has been widowed has by definition been married, so this is irrelevant. And your assumption that I had my child out of wedlock is insulting.


----------



## ExpatnKids (May 2, 2014)

CamJenks said:


> Um, nope, that isn't what you say. You give a non answer.
> 
> 
> I don't know if you don't understand the term 'widowed', but someone who has been widowed has by definition been married, so this is irrelevant. And your assumption that I had my child out of wedlock is insulting.


Sorry if anything I said caused any confusion. I know who a widow is. My reference to unwed mom was about the original poster in this thread. I specifically mentioned that. Please read my post again.



ExpatnKids said:


> I dont know how the OP made out with her issue, as I dont see how she would have been able to sponsor a child in Dubai that was born out of wedlock.


The OP(original poster) in this thread mentioned that she was an unwed single mom.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

I'm glad that this is being discussed again, but my question was about the practicalities of brining up children as a single parent in a busy job so let's not get sidetracked into the definitions of single motherhood or being widowed. I'd be grateful for information on support networks or how best to develop them.


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Jay21 said:


> Hi, I was reading this quite old thread and decided to join it as I am likely to be in a similar situation soon - I am a single dad looking to move to the UAE with a 11 year old daughter. Could you tell me if the situation is still the same there with respect to childcare, single-parent networks and support? Are there no mechanisms of developing such networks, perhaps through this site or clubs etc?
> I am medical by profession and so fully appreciate your comments that work can take over your life...however, are there not fixed contracted hours of work?
> I am however a hands-on parent for the significant part of each month and we do a lot of things together, and so I am worried that my daughter may suffer if she loses out on that. Thanks in advance for any advice on this.


Hi there, 
I had to go back and read what I had originally written and based on my experience, there really hasn’t been any change over the last 6 months. People do live very busy lives out here so it all really depends on how you are able to find a proper work life balance.
There are a lot of child care options but they are expensive and so for me, what works best is having a live-in nanny. Yes, you spend approximately AED 7000 each year renewing their visa and yes, there’s the factor of not having much privacy but the way I look at it, I’d rather have my child comfortable at home with someone I trust than in a daycare center where I will end up paying fees that work out to the same amount each year.
As for support groups, you could always be proactive and start a group on meetup.com or even this site.  I see that there are more single parents moving to Dubai recently which is great! 



CamJenks said:


> Thanks for bumping up this topic; I too have a couple of questions about being a single mum over there.
> 
> My main concern really is whether the child is in any way stigmatised for coming from a one-parent family?
> 
> ...


I haven’t come across anyone that has treated my child differently because he is from a one-parent family. I’m sure there are people out there that consider this taboo but the good thing is that Dubai is such a massive blend of people with different backgrounds, their opinions are easy to ignore. 

I’m presuming that as a widow, the process of sponsoring your child will be far simpler as a death certificate should suffice. That being said, I am not an expert so it would be best to seek the support of your firm when it comes to sponsoring your daughter. I’ve faced challenges because the dad is also now based in Dubai and immigration would prefer to have the child on the father’s sponsorship because it is a male driven system. 

Good luck to both of you!


----------



## TallyHo (Aug 21, 2011)

Pam! You're a sight for sore eyes! I'd started wondering what had happened to you. Hope all is well. Still living in the Springs?

To CamJenks: if you're working for a big law firm, they should have a first rate PRO who will tell you everything you need about the sponsorship / visa process. I'd have a copy of the notarised death certificate just in case.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

Hi Pam,
Thank you for that really helpful reply. This is the one issue that is currently stopping me jumping at the job offer, as I obviously need to know whether my daughter will be okay there. I have someone helping me with her here in the UK but I presume I won't be allowed to either sponsor or locally hire a nanny / maid there as a consequence of being a single male...do you know any guys in my situation, and how they dealt with this particular problem? My daughter is 11, and so perhaps in a few years she would be able to catch a school bus herself and let herself into the house, but she obviously won't be able to do that now. what are the other options? A day care centre/after school club sounds like a less attractive option for a 11 year old, as she will be bored out of her brain and probably too old for it anyway.
I am starting to think that if I can't work this one out I'll not make the move at all, as she is far more important than a job...


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Tallyho! An old friend wrote to me yesterday and made me miss all my EF buddies :hug:. Still living in The Springs...still impatient and easily annoyed LOL

Jay, I think if you sponsor your daughter, then you will have a family status on your visa as opposed to "single" and should be able to sponsor a nanny. Do keep in mind that the term "nanny" is used very loosely here and is more of a fancy term for housekeepers/maids and it's one area that's dominated by only a handful of nationalities. So you won't be able to hire someone from the UK as a nanny. Apologies if you know all of this already! I'm catching up on EF after a very long break 
I think it's great that you're putting your daughter first so do check with your company on the visa status as they will know best.


----------



## IzzyBella (Mar 11, 2013)

Jay21 said:


> My daughter is 11, and so perhaps in a few years she would be able to catch a school bus herself and let herself into the house, but she obviously won't be able to do that now. what are the other options? A day care centre/after school club sounds like a less attractive option for a 11 year old, as she will be bored out of her brain and probably too old for it anyway.


When I was 11, I attended a Grammar School. It was 1.5hrs away by bus. I regularly took the bus by myself and came home by myself. I think dads are generally a little over protective. 

There should be some after-school activities that you can encourage her to partake in. Maybe ask SAHM if they can carpool and arrange play dates for you in exchange for babysitting on date nights and the weekend/petrol. I'm sure where there's a will, 
there's a way.

And by babysitting I mean host play dates at yours. Although, I'm sure it's just "hanging out" at their age.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

Pam, thanks again - I don't actually know much about how the maid/nanny system works there but I suspect its a bit like in countries like India where maids come and clean, cook, wash etc either on a residential or part-time basis. The idea of having me and my daughter as a 'family status' on my visa is a good point - obviously that's correct anyway. I hope this will help me get over the hurdle of being able to hire a maid to help out. 

The other option is to move on my own to begin with, build friends and contacts, and then bring her over once I know the system is workable.

Izzybella, thanks - yes I know I am overly protective, I found it hard to let her walk to school alone to begin with, and we live in a small village in the Gower! I just need to make sure its safe though, and its a whole different ball game if you are considering moving to a different country. Obviously you have done that already so you know better than me.

What's SAHM - I Googled it and it came up as 'Stay at home mums' on meet up.com - is that correct? I'd probably get daggers stuck in me by the husbands if I try and join a mum's club!! lol but you are right, that may be another avenue to explore. Cheers again


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

It can be done for a widower to sponsor a maid but it takes contacts. If your prospective employer is worth its 'salt', they should be able to look into this for you. The other alternative is to employ a maid through a maid services company. The issue would be considered to be the 'co-habitation' I would imagine.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

BedouGirl said:


> It can be done for a widower to sponsor a maid but it takes contacts. If your prospective employer is worth its 'salt', they should be able to look into this for you. The other alternative is to employ a maid through a maid services company. The issue would be considered to be the 'co-habitation' I would imagine.


Thanks BedouGirl - I'm divorced, not a widower, but you are right my employers should be able to look into this. They are one of the bigger hospitals in Dubai and so they should really know. Unfortunately doctors have a high rate of divorce and so they must have dealt with others in a similar situation before


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

Jay21 said:


> Thanks BedouGirl - I'm divorced, not a widower, but you are right my employers should be able to look into this. They are one of the bigger hospitals in Dubai and so they should really know. Unfortunately doctors have a high rate of divorce and so they must have dealt with others in a similar situation before


Hi Jay, sorry I got confused with all the different posts. I'm sure you're right, this won't be the first time they've come across this and I do know, for sure, exceptions can be made if you have a powerful sponsor.


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

Let your company sort out your sons resident visa.
Accept appointment on the condition that your son can join you.

I happen to think Dubai or Abu Dhabi is an excellent place for single parents provided you earn a decent income.

If you are in management and earn say 50 % or above a decent western wage over here, after accommodation and school , then the extra tax savings and low cost of living(non accommodation) will enable you and your son to have a good quality lifestyle.

Key is to have a very high disposable income. If you haven't got that, then nothinghere can compensate for the better quality of life back home

For the 2 of youse, you need IMHO at least AED 50k p.a. play money after expenses AND after savings to really make the most of life out here.


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Both Jay and Cam have daughters. Whose son are you talking about?


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

pamela0810 said:


> Both Jay and Cam have daughters. Whose son are you talking about?


Are you talking to me?

Yeah sorry, was speaking aboot meself. On my 3rd glass of Shiraz.


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

Do not drink and post!


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

pamela0810 said:


> Do not drink and post!


Why, what's your problem girl?
Are you my mother ?


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

pamela0810 said:


> Do not drink and post!


Hahaha now I know why I missed you soooooo much


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

BedouGirl said:


> Hahaha now I know why I missed you soooooo much


I didn't miss her one bit. Actually I'm p%8sed off she's back


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

arabianhorse said:


> I didn't miss her one bit. Actually I'm p%8sed off she's back


I'm going to choose to view your post kindly on this occasion otherwise I would have to infract on the basis of it being an insult to a fellow forum member. Please abide by forum rules in the future.


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

BedouGirl said:


> I'm going to choose to view your post kindly on this occasion otherwise I would have to infract on the basis of it being an insult to a fellow forum member. Please abide by forum rules in the future.


Give yourself an infraction for having no sense of humour.

I am insulted by your post.


----------



## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

You're a grumpy drunk!


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

pamela0810 said:


> You're a grumpy drunk!


Grumpy? Moi?

Quite the opposite.

Sad perhaps, My boy just flew home today.

In case you didnt notice, I was kidding.

Obviously you and the internet ugly doggie thought otherwise


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

arabianhorse said:


> Grumpy? Moi? Quite the opposite. Sad perhaps, My boy just flew home today. In case you didnt notice, I was kidding. Obviously you and the internet ugly doggie thought otherwise


 I'm truly sorry you're feeling down because your son's gone home but It didn't come over as a joke.


----------



## arabianhorse (Nov 13, 2013)

BedouGirl said:


> I'm truly sorry you're feeling down because your son's gone home but It didn't come over as a joke.


Whatever doggie

I'm not offended.. Apology accepted.


----------



## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

arabianhorse said:


> Whatever doggie I'm not offended.. Apology accepted.


Suggest you re-read the forum rules when you next log on.


----------



## Jay21 (Jul 7, 2014)

arabianhorse said:


> Let your company sort out your sons resident visa.
> Accept appointment on the condition that your son can join you.
> 
> I happen to think Dubai or Abu Dhabi is an excellent place for single parents provided you earn a decent income.
> ...



Hello Arabianhorse - thanks for the very useful comments. This was one of my questions as well - the pay offer is good and they will be providing a villa to stay in which I think makes it all the better as I understand accommodation is a huge expense...however I have no idea about the other costs of living. For example how much does it cost to have childcare, the weekly shopping, someone to at least do the basic cleaning and cooking (believe it or not I do it all pretty much on my own here but the hours of work are a bit more regulated and predictable, e.g. I know when I am on call in advance and get help then), going out to the cinema or amusement parks whatever...at 47 I can't see myself hitting the clubbing scene but I certainly like to socialise with friends at clubs and restaurants...so all that has to be considered plus the savings to make this move worthwhile


----------

