# Australian lived in Canada/living away from family.



## fbett26 (Aug 6, 2011)

Hi All,
Im an Australian and have lived in Canada for the past 10 years, in that time I married (a Canadian), had my son in Canada and now currently we are all back in Australia.
I always wanted to come back home (or so I thought), and now we are here all I feel like doing is going back to Canada to live. I did my Nursing degree in Canada so made a lot of friends there. And although I have a great job here in Australia Nursing, my mum and dad and sister and her family are here, I can't help but miss Canada. 
Perhaps its the fact that I have been away for so long and was enjoying work/ life there, and now I am home in Australia, I kinda feel out of place, things have changed in Australia, and perhaps to some extent so have I. I am just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation?? Thinking one thing but wanting another. 
I have to also think what is best for my family (hubby and son). The house prices are outrageous here in Australia, i know i could get one half the price here and better condition in Canada. 
Just want to know if anyone has been in some sort of decision where what you thought you wanted hasn't turned out? I feel horrible for wanting to leave as it hurts my Australian family....but it isn't them I swear! I just liked the traditions, lifestyle, housing costs, accessibility to child care as well as child care costs in Canada! 
Any insight or stories would be nice to hear,
Thanks! F


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## angel363 (Jul 31, 2011)

Not that I've experienced what you are going through but I assume it is normal to be feeling what you are. Living in a different country for 10 years and starting a family would feel like a lifetime and you would have been very set in your way of life in Canada. Just because you are Australian doesn't mean you have to want to live there - particularly if you've enjoyed another way of life  Also, just because Australia is your home country doesn't mean there'll be no transition issues. Do you remember how you felt when you first moved to Canada? New jobs, new friends etc?

Was your intention to move back to Aus a permanent move or temporary? Canada and Aus are such great countries - such a shame they are so far away from each other!

How long have you been back for?


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## fbett26 (Aug 6, 2011)

I have been back for 14months, and in that time I have maintained contact via Skype and emails with friends, and my husbands family, and i just can't help but miss the place. But leaving family behind (again), just really pulls at me. We did think we were going to stay here permanently this time as we sold the house we had in Canada. One day I think I can live here because I do have a good job and family is close by, and all I would need is a house, however house prices and child care are just so damn expensive, especially having had the comparison with our lifestyle in Canada, we could literally afford a nice house in Canada for half the cost it does here. I hate being indecisive but I feel torn.
One day I think I can live here, and the next it makes me sad not to go back to Canada. My parents are getting older and I feel like my mum will miss my son terribly. But to give a good future I feel it is in Canada. Am I being selfish?? I know things won't be the same if we go back to Canada i.e. won't have the same house/ job/ car etc. But I just don't know.....I feel even more lost here in Australia, and i know it would make my aussie family happy if i stayed but i don't know if i would be happy. 
I do remember how i felt when i first arrived in Canada, i wanted to come back home to Australia, and now i have the opportunity to stay now but it just doesn't feel 100% right- either way.....doesnt help that i have a supportive husband who could live in either country!
How do you cope missing family so much and if you had the opportunity would you come back to Australia?? How long have you been in Canada?


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## angel363 (Jul 31, 2011)

I haven't moved to Canada yet but I will be late next year - however my husband and I only plan to go for about 2 years just to experience the adventure of another country before we have children. I have lived in Canada for 6 months in 2007 but that was to finish my degree so I knew I would be returning to Aus...since coming home I've missed Canada a lot in regards to the lifestyle I had in a town and my extended relatives that I have there.

Sorry I can't be of any help from personal experience. All I can say is you can't please everyone, you need to do what is best for you (your son and husband).

Have a nice day.


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## MotormanTM (Aug 7, 2011)

In my experience, you have to do what is right for you and your husband and son. My wife and I moved to Canada from England and her parents are in their 70's and my Mum is in her 80's and, as hard as it is, you have to draw a line and say, "We are doing this for us!" Our parents were really supportive and, your family will be too. Would you rather live in Australia miserably or Canada happily? It comes down to that at the end of the day. Good luck.


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## fbett26 (Aug 6, 2011)

Thank you! You are right, you have to do what is best for you, and i truly believe that making this jump permanently is what is best for us, I'm not expecting it to be all roses at first but since i have already experienced living there, i know what to kind of expect. Thank you for your words of support!
Take care.


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## fbett26 (Aug 6, 2011)

lol thats how it all began, 3 years turned into 6 then 8 and then 10!!  But I had always longed to come back to Australia, its quite different living here than visiting here and I have just found that in comparison (and i can't help but do this since I know what life in Canada is like), Canada is the best option for me, my husband and son. Its also kind of a challenge to explain this to aussie family since they know no different. If I had been in Canada for a year or two perhaps my opinion would be different? But since I had my son there and obtained my degree there I have spent most of my adult life there. I may be more Canadian than I thought I was! Good luck on your move back too!


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## pcrial (Sep 27, 2010)

Hello fbett26,

I think you can be happy where ever you live. I haven't always felt that I could be happy anywhere, because as a boy, I grew up on a farm in the mid-west USA. As a boy I rarely traveled more than a couple of hundred miles in any direction.

I was drafted during the Vietnam war, and while in the military traveled....

When I got married, by then I was trained in engineering, and discovered that engineers especially the ones that work for global companies build new facilities (where ever), so guess what I traveled a lot. Well fast forward, and I live in Australia. This is my 62 time out of the USA. I am remaining happy, because I have discovered that happiness is something within, and not secured to some place.

I've worked all over Canada, Latin America, of course the USA, but also Spain, India, China, UK, Germany, South Africa, and I truly believe that if I lived in any of those countries, I could remain happy.

In the USA, I have four adult married children, and four grandchildren whom I love deeply. I've been able to visit as often since living here as I did when I lived closer to family. The main reason is I'm retired now, whereas before retirement I was always off to the next project and didn't have time.

My greatest hope is in happiness. I've known some people so negative they start to develop when they walk into a dark room. I've known some people so unhappy I had to get some distance from them to smile.

The surest sign of mental illness is to wake up every morning, do exactly what you did the day before, then complain that nothing ever changes. So it is my hope you change the things important to you so that you can be happy. Sometimes the change needed is only within ourselves, and how we look at our situation. For me, my family is scattered all over the USA, so no matter where I lived I was always up to 1000 miles away from someone in the family. So instead of wishing to be somewhere I couldn't be, I focused on the visits, and communication when I was away. So I use Skype, and we stay in touch to the point that I'm still the confidant, adviser, parent, and grandparent despite the distance.

Then when in Australia, I focus on friends and my wife's family (who all live here). So your situation is very similar to mine. No matter where you live you will be some distance from someone you love. I've been able to visit my family in the US about two times per year since being here, one of the trips was a month long.

Cheers,


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