# Really miss having English speaking friends



## cat09 (Feb 9, 2012)

Hello all.

My name is Cat, I moved to Palma Mallorca almost one year ago to be with my Boyfriend. We are both Irish but he has been living here for 3 years so I moved here to be with him. 

I am embarressed to admit I still have no friends here. Well my boyfriends friends are my "friends" i suppose but they arent really. I have met loads of people, Mostly Spanish and Germans, and even though they are always a pleasure to speak to, I have formed no connection with them. I think the language barrier makes it hard to form a real bond with someone, as I dont think they understand me very well. 

I am finding it quite hard here lately. I really miss my friends and just sitting over tea or coffee with someone and having a good natter. 
This might sound strange but I assure you I am completely normal  I was wondering if there were any other girls out there having the same problem. Unfortunately my lack of friends is placing a huge burden on my relationship and i think its important that I have my own life here outside of my relationship. 

I am 28, from Ireland. A qualified stockbroker but not working at the moment. I was working last summer but that terminated with the season and i am waiting patiently for the summer season to kick off again so I can start working and having a social life.  I am currently living in Palma Centro but plan to move to Palma nova in the summer. 

If there are by any chance anyone out there that just misses the chats and banter with girls who understand your slang and where you come from i would love to hear from you. 

Thanks in advance. Cat


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## xicoalc (Apr 20, 2010)

Hello & Welcome!

Well I am not a girl (well some will say thats debatable but I do like men so I guess I am 50% qualified!). I can however completely understand where you are coming from. When I first moved here I was in a heavily Brit populated area and over the years of establishing myself I built up quite a close circle of friends locally. Last year I moved to be closer to my partner and I now live in the middle of a field with all the surrounding towns and villages being completely Spanish. Although now I have embraced it and love being part of a true Spanish community I did find it quite hard at first.

Surely in Palma there is an expat community, english bars etc? 

Anyway as I said I'm not a girl and not local to you but keep your chin up... it gets better! I am sure there are some on here closer to you also!


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## cat09 (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi Steve. Thanks for the reply. It doesnt really matter of someone is female or not  

There is a slight English speaking community in La Lonca but most of these people are close to my boyfriend so I suppose I only know them for that reason. The big issue at the moment is lack of work, because of that I dont have much money to head to bars etc. 

I am really looking forward to moving to palma nova in the summer, i know there is large english community there. I wish I moved there when i got here 10 months ago instead of isolating myself in a very Mallorquin part of town. 

I know it wont last forever, (hopefully and fingers crossed)

Thanks again for the reply. Cat


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## xicoalc (Apr 20, 2010)

cat09 said:


> Hi Steve. Thanks for the reply. It doesnt really matter of someone is female or not
> 
> There is a slight English speaking community in La Lonca but most of these people are close to my boyfriend so I suppose I only know them for that reason. The big issue at the moment is lack of work, because of that I dont have much money to head to bars etc.
> 
> ...


Well summer is close!

The things we do for love!  :clap2:


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2012)

Cat, I have the same exact problem. The only thing is OH is Spanish and my only friends are his friends and family. I have close coworkers, but it's really not the same. It's tough.


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## fergie (Oct 4, 2010)

While you are having a rest from work, why don't you learn Spanish, if you go to a class you will meet other people of different nationalities as well, then there is always keep fit classes or even doing some voluntary work, it will widen your circle of like minded people. Have a look in your local free papers and see what is going on, you might like to get involved in. Like Steve says Summer will be here soon- so much more buzz in summer, more people around etc.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

cat09 said:


> Hello all.
> 
> My name is Cat, I moved to Palma Mallorca almost one year ago to be with my Boyfriend. We are both Irish but he has been living here for 3 years so I moved here to be with him.
> 
> ...


I very much understand you Cat. I think making friends, (and here the word that needs comprehension is friends and not just people you know) is very difficult, and if you read my posts you'll see I'm quite a sociable person. But making the jump from _knowing_ people to being their friends, to people being _your_ friends and not principally your boyfriend's friends I think can be a long, slow process. I'm sure the language thing hampers you, but if you had moved to a new place in the UK to be with your boyfriend the situation could actually be similar.
The only advice I can offer is the usual stuff
Join a Spanish class, both for your Spanish (or Mallorquin) and to meet people.
Go to yoga or zumba or what ever it is that's in now. 
Volunteer at a dog shelter, donkey sanctuary...
Centro Canino Internacional, Palma, Mallorca - Volunteers needed
www.businessservicesmallorca.com = Charities and Charity Services in Mallorca / Majorca - Balearic Islands - Spain
Get a few intercambios where you meet up with someone who wants to learn English and you want to learn Spanish
Palma De Mallorca Intercambio de idiomas - Aprenda idiomas extranjeros en Palma De Mallorca

Hope you meet up with people soon


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## cat09 (Feb 9, 2012)

halydia said:


> Cat, I have the same exact problem. The only thing is OH iss Spanish and my only friends are his friends and family. I have close coworkers, but it's really not the same. It's tough.


I know exactly what you mean, We have loads of acquinatances but thats different. I miss having a person that you sit with and just chat and laugh and its effortless. Forcing conversation is exhausting. I suppose what youd call it is a best friend. 
Its nice to just call to someone for a cup of tea. 

Im sure it cant stay like this forever. And im sure of that for you too. I hope it gets better.


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## cat09 (Feb 9, 2012)

I am not sure if i can multi quote here so for Fergie and Pesky. Thanks for all your advice and you are right. Making the effort is half the battle. 

I feel a bit better knowing that I am not the only person in the world to finds it hard. For a while I thought it was me. There is an inter cambio on Tuesday here so im gona give it a look. I dont know why i get nervous at the thought of being in social situations and speaking spanish. I suppose it the fact that my spanish is appalling. 
But i was always so outgoing and not the worrying kind. I think Spain has changed me a bit. 

Thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it.


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## Pesky Wesky (May 10, 2009)

cat09 said:


> I am not sure if i can multi quote here so for Fergie and Pesky. Thanks for all your advice and you are right. Making the effort is half the battle.
> 
> I feel a bit better knowing that I am not the only person in the world to finds it hard. For a while I thought it was me. There is an inter cambio on Tuesday here so im gona give it a look. I dont know why i get nervous at the thought of being in social situations and speaking spanish. I suppose it the fact that my spanish is appalling.
> But i was always so outgoing and not the worrying kind. I think Spain has changed me a bit.
> ...


Well, of course you get nervous!
But you go ahead and do it anyway.
And then let us know what happens!
BTW, I don't know if you know, but town halls often have free classes. They may be full now, but ask if you can go as an oyente. That means you just sit in on the classes.


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## fergie (Oct 4, 2010)

Cat. you have youth on your side, I can understand how you feel. Do you know! I went to HK with my husband nearly 5 yrs ago, and we were 'old' to be doing that, nearly 60 then, my husband was working there, and I was at home having retired already. Most people around where we lived were expats from all over the world were young, with young children. So I was a bit of an 'odd bod oldy' in fact a lot of the younger mums thought we were visiting our children out there, not actually expats ourself!
I used to go for walks in our park with the dog, and even communicate with the chinese security ladies who were walking around, there English was as good as my Chinese, almost non- existant but we managed to have some kind of conversation.
My hobby is painting, and my husband likes to do a bit of amateur theatre, so we both got involved with the local Am Dram society, I wouldn't have had the guts to go on stage myself! but got involved with scenery painting and props, while my husband played The Wizard of Oz, it kept me busy, good fun and I got to know more people. Don't be shy at joining in something, doesn't have to be Am Dram, everybody has something they can contribute, if I lived in Palma I'd join you for a cup of tea, and there will be lots of people out there who will.
Now I'm in Spain, at the moment doing so much DIY lots of it in our new home- yes really I like it, cos I have a paintbrush in my hands, but when I have finished that, I will get back to learning Spanish, doing my paintings on canvas, and start to get involved with things locally, except golf I can't stand that.


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## Leper (May 12, 2010)

Nice reply Fergie and others as well. Like Cat I am Irish and enjoy talking, bantering, occasional drinking, walking etc etc. I enjoyed learning Spanish and surprised my family at the speed in which I picked the language up. I more than double Cat's age.

We are not in Ireland now. Obviously, we are in a differect culture and share Spain with Spaniards and many other expats. You do not have to ditch your own culture. 

You are intelligent and self sufficient and with a little effort you can make new friends. Fortunately, this is not too difficult and usually all it takes is a bottle of tinto and an invitation to share it at lunchtime on your terrace. It wont be long before you are bantering, laughing, smiling with an array of new friends.

. . . and you know what? . . . You might be able to speak a little Irish also. St-Patrick's Day is only a few weeks away.


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## mustlovedogz (Oct 25, 2011)

Wish I'd know Cat when we were over last year, me and my older sister could have dragged you out for a good old drink, (of coffee probably these days,lol) my good old Scottish Galloway Irish accent is always being mistaken for yours!

I've actually been at my loneliest since being back in a town in Scotland near my sisters and parents. (whom I don't socialise with) - as I am not making an effort to integrate with the language like I did in Germany and Spain and Norway...My work colleagues are untravelled and talk about trival things, so are not my type and although its a huge firm, there isn't one person I could say I'm close with. I haven't made one friend in the year and a bit we have been here. (probably as my Husband is here and I am not having to live alone and make an effort) Normally I make friends everywhere I go.  So, I'm the opposite... I can't wait to be abroad again. My long term best friends actually live only 90 miles away, and although its been great seeing them occasionally living in the same country, its not the same as having someone to go for coffee with when you need it. I hope I can find that again when we move. (Already know my two neighbours and the locals in the bar and shop where I am moving to in Spain, more than I know my neighbours here!)


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## remus (Nov 29, 2009)

Hello Cat,

Where's the intercambio on Tuesday? I live just off Plaza Mayor.

David


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## MaryDom (Feb 23, 2012)

I am from Ireland and will be moving to Mallorca in September/October, and will be not too far from Palma Nova


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## Sirtravelot (Jul 20, 2011)

I don't quite understand. Is it hard to make friends because of the language barrier or is it difficult to find people who have a similar background and common ground to touch on?


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## Iberican (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi Cat, sorry that you are feeling a little isolated. I'm sure that this will improve but you can speed things up a bit yourself. Take learning Spanish very seriously, use books, CDs, the Net, Spanish TV even if only for the weather and news and don't forget neighbours. One of the keys to learning a language is to have a great capacity to not understand and just keep plugging away at it - listening, reading and studying and speaking whatever little you can whenever the opportunity arises. You didn't used to be shy, so try not to be now. It's not the end of the world if someone doesn't understand you the first few times you try, just try again and if that doesn't work, shrug and give them your best smile.

I'm sure you're at a bit of a disadvantage because your boyfriend arrived before you and had time to establish himself. Not the same as arriving together - it's bound to make it more difficult for you. However, try to look on his friends and acquaintances a little more positively because they could help you in many ways - from learning the lingo to introducing you to people that you would not otherwise meet of different nationalities and languages, perhaps even Irish. Be pleased to see them and let them know that you are and you'll find they open up.

The ideas already suggested of going to lessons or activities is good because it soon becomes apparent what words and expressions mean, even if it is all done in Spanish. You'll feel a bit odd at first but will soon find someone you like. Choose something that interests you, obviously.

Another tip is to go to the same place at the same time every day or every week. I did this on first moving to France. Every Wednesday, after the market, went to the bar. No greetings first time. Second time, somebody said 'Bonjour'. Third time the bar owner smiled and said hello and someone else commented on the weather. Didn't totally understand but managed a smile. Thought about what had been said and on the fourth week, managed a reply. Now, when I go in there, it's kisses or handshakes all round and I have a choice of people and groups to join. When I moved house it was people from the bar who moved all my stuff (and stored it for a while) before I could move into my new place. When I had problems with my PC hard drive one of them sorted that for me - all FOC.

Just keep going back to the same place at the same time (preferably after an event like a market) and your face will become familiar to them and you will find yourself welcomed, however little you speak the lingo. Plus, you'll get the chance to practise the it.

It takes a little time and a lot of perseverance, an interest in other people and, of course, a charming smile and soon you'll find that you're welcomed, with different friends from all walks of life.

A good night's sleep goes a long way towards feeling positive, so sleep well and wake up feeling positive and brave and happy with a big smile. Good luck and let us know how you get on. xx


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## dunmovin (Dec 19, 2008)

fergie said:


> Cat. you have youth on your side, I can understand how you feel. Do you know! I went to HK with my husband nearly 5 yrs ago, and we were 'old' to be doing that, nearly 60 then, my husband was working there, and I was at home having retired already. Most people around where we lived were expats from all over the world were young, with young children. So I was a bit of an 'odd bod oldy' in fact a lot of the younger mums thought we were visiting our children out there, not actually expats ourself!
> I used to go for walks in our park with the dog, and even communicate with the chinese security ladies who were walking around, there English was as good as my Chinese, almost non- existant but we managed to have some kind of conversation.
> My hobby is painting, and my husband likes to do a bit of amateur theatre, so we both got involved with the local Am Dram society, I wouldn't have had the guts to go on stage myself! but got involved with scenery painting and props, while my husband played The Wizard of Oz, it kept me busy, good fun and I got to know more people. Don't be shy at joining in something, doesn't have to be Am Dram, everybody has something they can contribute, if I lived in Palma I'd join you for a cup of tea, and there will be lots of people out there who will.
> Now I'm in Spain, at the moment doing so much DIY lots of it in our new home- yes really I like it, cos I have a paintbrush in my hands, but when I have finished that, I will get back to learning Spanish, doing my paintings on canvas, and start to get involved with things locally, except golf I can't stand that.


where did you live in HK ? we were 5 years in Kowloon Tong (Yau Yat Tsuen near festival walk shopping mall) & 8 years in Clearwater Bay. I did manage to learn basic cantonese, but never mandarin.

By comparison, learning Spanish from just talking to neighbours is easy


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## Rhysito (Jun 2, 2012)

*Intercambio*

Hi Cat,

I realise this is an old message but did you go to the intercambio in the end? I'm looking for a group one, not a 1 on 1. Hope the summer's treating you well.

Rhys


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## Daisy474 (Aug 19, 2012)

Hi Cat

I was wondering if you still lived in Palma? My name is Daisy an i have lived in palma for the last year. I have had exactly the same problem. I have made a few friends but not many and really miss english company. I am a dance teacher in palma and am in the uk at the moment visiting family. But am moving back to Palma at the end of august.

Would be lovely to hear from you

Daisy


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## Jmcgowan5 (Mar 3, 2013)

Hello my name is Jenny and I will be moving to Palma to teach in a primary school in August. I have spent last 2 summers living in Palma so I know the area well but I am also worried about making friends. I am from Scotland and will be trying to learn the language while I am there. I was wondering if you had any advice? I am 23 and really hope to make friends who are younger like myself and yourselves. Thanks


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## Evelina001 (Sep 11, 2013)

Hi Cat, I live in Palma de Mallorca. How are you getting on with your Spanish?

Evelina


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## Evelina001 (Sep 11, 2013)

Hi Jenny - I live in Palma de Mallorca. I've moved here from London. I'm 27y. Let me know if you fancy a coffee and chat one day.

Evelina


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## Evelina001 (Sep 11, 2013)

*Hi Cat*

It would be nice to meet up in person and go for a coffee or something. My Spanish is terrible and the language barrier is killing me.. 

Evelina


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## keith277 (Jun 27, 2013)

Hi...look up Evelina001..she is the same age as you in Palma and has just asked me the exact same question...hope that helps
Keith


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## loulou-81 (Dec 3, 2013)

*Moving to Andratx*



Evelina001 said:


> Hi Jenny - I live in Palma de Mallorca. I've moved here from London. I'm 27y. Let me know if you fancy a coffee and chat one day.
> 
> Evelina


Hi Evelina,

My name is Louise and my husband and I are moving to Majorca (Andratx) in February next year. How are you doing? Are you finding it easier? I'm a little worried I may have the same problem once we move over there. We are learning Spanish from Duolingo (which is very good) but I do think it'll be easier to learn it once we've arrived over there...

Hope you're OK!


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## loulou-81 (Dec 3, 2013)

Daisy474 said:


> Hi Cat
> 
> I was wondering if you still lived in Palma? My name is Daisy an i have lived in palma for the last year. I have had exactly the same problem. I have made a few friends but not many and really miss english company. I am a dance teacher in palma and am in the uk at the moment visiting family. But am moving back to Palma at the end of august.
> 
> ...


Hi Daisy,

My name is Louise and my husband and I are moving to Majorca (Andratx) in February next year. How are you doing? Are you finding it easier? I'm a little worried I may have the same problem once we move over there. We are learning Spanish from Duolingo (which is very good) but I do think it'll be easier to learn it once we've arrived over there...

Hope you're OK!


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## Lolito (Aug 25, 2012)

Cat might be so busy with her new friends, she won't want anymore! lol!


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## kd2014 (Oct 10, 2014)

Omg.... I'm in exactly in the same situation.... Some good advice given here... Thanks... 
1 question .... Where can I get info on the language exchange meet ups? 

Thanks in advance


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## AllHeart (Nov 22, 2013)

kd2014 said:


> Omg.... I'm in exactly in the same situation.... Some good advice given here... Thanks...
> 1 question .... Where can I get info on the language exchange meet ups?
> 
> Thanks in advance


Hi kd2014. Here is a link for language exchange that I got from this forum. I think it was the forum member Guapachica who posted this: Conversation Exchange - Language learning with native speakers

I set this up for a face-to-face search for you, for people who speak English and want to learn Spanish, and who live in Palma. I found lots of hits. Here they are:

Conversation Exchange - Search results

Something else you might want to consider is to stay in touch with your friends back home through email, phone and Skype. I'd be lost in this world without my Canadian friends because they're everything to me. Skype totally rocks because you can see the person. One of my friends does Skype on his phone with me, so when he's out and about we're sort of hanging out as he's going about his day. Skype is free, other than the cost of data download. 

I hope this helps you out. All my best to you.


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## lauraspanish (Oct 17, 2014)

hey guys!! I moved to Palma de mallorca a while ago, from Lithuania. Lately have been looking for work, but really missing the social aspect of my life back home, being able to connect with people using english, as i'm still learning spanish... If there are any girls in the same boat, let me know


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