# Nursing/ care home for eldery expat brit



## diverdebs (Mar 8, 2016)

Hi - My father retired to the Philippines many years ago and still lives with his wife and family in Manila. But he is really starting to get old now and memory (possibly onset of alzeihmers ) and mobility not so good. His wife is having a hard time coping. Are there good nursing homes / care homes in the Philippines that have an excellent reputation, where he might go and be cared for well in his twilight years? He is British - would not want to come back to England as he would not want to leave rest of his family in Philippines. Anyone have any options - or can recommend a care home or a reasonably priced personal carer in the Merville Area of Manila? Any help would be very much appreciated! Thanks!


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

This is the Philippines, it should be very possible to have a live in provider, possibly two health care providers for around the clock care. Family's usually take care of their own and no shortage of people looking for jobs especially in the Health Care area.


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## 197649 (Jan 1, 2013)

M.C.A. said:


> This is the Philippines, it should be very possible to have a live in provider, possibly two health care providers for around the clock care. Family's usually take care of their own and no shortage of people looking for jobs especially in the Health Care area.


MCA is absolutely right it also provide for security and you know he is eating and being taken care of as you can observe. In a nursing home you rely on what they tell you. 
Is he a Vet if so contact VA they might help.


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## lets_take_a_look (Nov 18, 2015)

A good assisted living facility that I'm aware of is Life Care Residences Philippines. Good resident / caretaker ratio, good training of the staff and good facilities. They are looking to expand to other places, but at the moment their home is in Cebu City.

You can search google for their page if you wish to consider them.


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## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

It is surprising, and rather odd, that his Filipino wife would support putting him in a care home, as that is such a western concept. They usually want the elderly in the home. I agree with the idea of additional home caregivers if necessary. I had Filipina caregivers for my mother, after her stroke, and that was in the US. It worked out well, and much better than the couple of attempts we made to put her in a assisted living facility and care home.


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## pagbati (Apr 9, 2014)

*VA in Philippines*



c_acton98 said:


> ........ Is he a Vet if so contact VA they might help.


c-acton98, I note the OP - diverdebs - is from UK and I assume (maybe wrongly) that her father is also from UK. I'm not aware of a UK VA here. Isn't the USA VA in the Philippines for American Vets only?


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## Donwarner87 (Jan 18, 2016)

First of all, come see your father. He would love to see you. Then once you are here look at his living situation and work with his wife to get the best care possible. I would definitely agree that you would be impressed with the care he would recieve here compared to your home. It would be truly around the clock care. A live in house help is really cheap and they will do everything from his care to cooking, cleaning and laundry for about PHP4000 (depending on location). This would also take pressure off his wife to dedicate more time to your father's needs.


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## diverdebs (Mar 8, 2016)

this is great info. Yes my dad is English and I do think home care makes sense. but where would I begin to look for home help of the kind you describe? For 4000 PHP I think I can help them afford the help. I saw him this last summer when I flew to manila but was sad to see him losing his memory and hardly walking - spending most of his time in hi bedroom - the family very busy (wife is quite a bit younger) so spending much time on his own. I would help pay for someone to be there. Where would i find someone to trust? Once I have more info, I will approach his wife and offer what I can to help my dad's old age be as comfortable and happy and stimulated as possible. Thanks for all your responses!


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## Donwarner87 (Jan 18, 2016)

These are only suggestions of course. My wife has family here that needed work and also my church has several members that are caregivers. Your father's wife may know someone.


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Stick the expat in the bedroom*



diverdebs said:


> this is great info. Yes my dad is English and I do think home care makes sense. but where would I begin to look for home help of the kind you describe? For 4000 PHP I think I can help them afford the help. I saw him this last summer when I flew to manila but was sad to see him losing his memory and hardly walking - spending most of his time in hi bedroom - the family very busy (wife is quite a bit younger) so spending much time on his own. I would help pay for someone to be there. Where would i find someone to trust? Once I have more info, I will approach his wife and offer what I can to help my dad's old age be as comfortable and happy and stimulated as possible. Thanks for all your responses!


Now I see the issue, it sounds to me like the younger wife still enjoys the money but would like to tuck the expat in the bedroom and get on with her life, I could be wrong but I don't feel it's correct to stick the wallet in the closet and then everybody has a wonderful life but the expat who is suffering mental decline is now isolated.

I'm going off your short observations and I don't know the whole story but Diverdebs that's what I got from your post, if so is there any way to get him back home, you might need to sneak him home if you can find his passport, to take care of your father correctly and let the young wife keep on with her busy lifestyle ... getting a job. :boxing:

If bringing back the father is impossible I probably would get him an assisted living room because it would be much better then sticking in a room all by himself.  I've met Philippine citizens that have this same issue but the family member with mental decline goes nearly everywhere they go and he's still part of the family and not tucked away out of view. What a stressor Diverdebs best of luck in resolving this issue, I'll bet the wife has some sort of power of attorney that grants her full access to his money. :


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## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

That's kinda what I was thinking.. it doesn't seem fair (if it is the case) that she enjoyed his assets but doesn't want to take care of him now, especially when so many Filipinos do care for the man until the end. I can tell you that it's something I think about.


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

JRB__NW said:


> That's kinda what I was thinking.. it doesn't seem fair (if it is the case) that she enjoyed his assets but doesn't want to take care of him now, especially when so many Filipinos do care for the man until the end. I can tell you that it's something I think about.


I think this sort of situation is far more common than we would like to admit.


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## magsasaja (Jan 31, 2014)

Although the post from MCA regarding the younger wife is probably correct, i think it is wrong any of us passing judgement without knowing the facts.


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

magsasaja said:


> Although the post from MCA regarding the younger wife is probably correct, i think it is wrong any of us passing judgement without knowing the facts.


I remember a story from a year or two ago of an old boy abandoned in hospital to die in I beleive Davao whilst the young wife was running around with the boyfriend. I think the Uk family was appealing for help from anyone in the area. This happens and you shouldn't close yiur eyes to the fact.


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## diverdebs (Mar 8, 2016)

yes you all hear right.... she is 20 yrs his junior and she only just turning 60.... I am concerned for his welfare but he loves and takes care of the kids in the house with his pension which he transfers each month.... She does not have access yet but will probably seek power of attorney very soon. Yes we could get him back to Uk but I think he would be so confused to move him from what he has considered his home for so long... also, he could live well of his english income but he would never leave his phvlipinno family with no money after all these years..... i have joined an agency and going to try and find him someone that can be there and help him with bathing, eating well, company, care! The house is big enough that they have room for a live in carer.... Any agency recommendations would be welcome! I want to be able to pay someone myself and get "reports" - I am not just going to send money and hope they spend it on him.......


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

What you might need is a stay-in nurse or two working in shifts. There are a LOT of registered nurses that are out of jobs. And if the conditions and salary are up to par they might take the offer PROVIDED that the younger wife does not block this added expense on her wallet. 

I suggest you go into an in-depth talk with the wife first and come to an agreement. And remind her of her "in sickness and in health" vows

I wish you and your dad all the best.

_Be aware even if your dealing with agencies or companies because they can still take your money and run._


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## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

In the US, the agency takes half for themselves. But there is always someone there if the primary live in caregiver is sick, on vacation, etc. My mother was never without someone. Good luck, hope you find a caring Filipina to care for your father - there are many here.


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Some years ago before I met my present wife, I was living in Danao City on Cebu and in Brisbane, Aus with a Filipina. She had a disabled adult daughter who stayed at the place in Danao City full time, even though we went back & forth. She had a permanent livein caretaker who eventually had to be fired because things(earrings, necklace, rings & such) that were given to the daughter kept coming up missing with no explanation. It is very hard to find good reliable and honest caretakers here so be very careful in your endeavor to get good care for your Father. Sorry I can't be more positive than that or offer any decent suggestions for your plight.

Fred


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## magsasaja (Jan 31, 2014)

Gary D said:


> I remember a story from a year or two ago of an old boy abandoned in hospital to die in I beleive Davao whilst the young wife was running around with the boyfriend. I think the Uk family was appealing for help from anyone in the area. This happens and you shouldn't close yiur eyes to the fact.


I agree; bad things do sometimes happen to older foreigners in the Philippines. It also works vice versa when an older foreigner lies and cheats on his Filipina wife. 

Just last year an older British guy i know died here in Laguna; leaving his wife of 12 years up the creek without a paddle. He had always told her that when he died she was entitled to his state pension; which was a lie as she had never set foot in the UK. For the last 7 years he was sick and she has nursed him 24/7 without taking a single day off to do anything for herself. She also borrowed money on long term loans for medical bills. Now he is gone she still has these huge debts to pay and at her age it isn't easy to rejoin the workforce again.
This also happens and you should never close your eyes to the fact that people of all nationalities lie for their own benefit.


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## magsasaja (Jan 31, 2014)

diverdebs said:


> yes you all hear right.... she is 20 yrs his junior and she only just turning 60.... I am concerned for his welfare but he loves and takes care of the kids in the house with his pension which he transfers each month.... She does not have access yet but will probably seek power of attorney very soon. Yes we could get him back to Uk but I think he would be so confused to move him from what he has considered his home for so long... also, he could live well of his english income but he would never leave his phvlipinno family with no money after all these years..... i have joined an agency and going to try and find him someone that can be there and help him with bathing, eating well, company, care! The house is big enough that they have room for a live in carer.... Any agency recommendations would be welcome! I want to be able to pay someone myself and get "reports" - I am not just going to send money and hope they spend it on him.......


Have you actually spoken to his wife about getting him a full time career? She is probably in a better position than anybody else to help; even if she doesn't want to do it herself on a full time basis. 
Personally the last place i would rely on is an agency in the Philippines.


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## JRB__NW (Apr 8, 2015)

magsasaja said:


> I agree; bad things do sometimes happen to older foreigners in the Philippines. It also works vice versa when an older foreigner lies and cheats on his Filipina wife.
> 
> Just last year an older British guy i know died here in Laguna; leaving his wife of 12 years up the creek without a paddle. He had always told her that when he died she was entitled to his state pension; which was a lie as she had never set foot in the UK. For the last 7 years he was sick and she has nursed him 24/7 without taking a single day off to do anything for herself. She also borrowed money on long term loans for medical bills. Now he is gone she still has these huge debts to pay and at her age it isn't easy to rejoin the workforce again.
> This also happens and you should never close your eyes to the fact that people of all nationalities lie for their own benefit.


That's really sad, I'm sure it happens that way also. I just don't understand how someone could do that to another person. Did he not have any assets here, or a will in the UK that might have named her, for some if not all of his assets? Did anyone check?


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