# Tips for Dubai Landlords



## woodlands (Jan 13, 2010)

Disclaimer: This post is only meant for Dubai landlords. As a tenant it's your choice to agree to landlord's terms or walk away. Free market rules.

Tip1: The word "Non Renewable" must be inserted into every contract.

Tip2: The amount of rent on contract should be market rate plus 30%. Give the excess to tenant as cash upon signing the contract and receiving tenant's cheques. This allows you to increase rent by maximum of 30% in case the market rates are higher in subsequent 2 years.

Tip3: Don't rush to rent committee. The rent committee is like a jury, assisted by legal counsel. They can make pretty outrageous judgement's favouring a tenant so make sure there is no scope for ambiguity or technical loophole. Assume they are biased against you. They usually are. The committee is composed of professionals working in banks, corporates etc and are not members of legal profession.


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## m1key (Jun 29, 2011)

yawn


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## DubaiTom (Nov 3, 2010)

Don't forget:

Tip4: Never return a deposit

...


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## NjxNA (Jan 13, 2013)

Tip5: if your tenant is right call a wasta and have him fired...


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## dizzyizzy (Mar 30, 2008)

Woodlands,

Thanks for your contribution.

I will make a copy of your post on the rents thread so tenants are aware of the tactics being used by landlords these days

Thanks


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## IzzyBella (Mar 11, 2013)

dizzyizzy said:


> Woodlands,
> 
> Thanks for your contribution.
> 
> ...


Woman, you're a legend :clap2:


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## dizzyizzy (Mar 30, 2008)

IzzyBella said:


> Woman, you're a legend :clap2:


Why, thank you!


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## Bigjimbo (Oct 28, 2010)

Tip 6: If your Landlord is woodlands make sure you destroy the property upon leaving, with a gleeful smile on your face.


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## m1key (Jun 29, 2011)

woodlands said:


> Tip2: The amount of rent on contract should be market rate plus 30%. Give the excess to tenant as cash upon signing the contract and receiving tenant's cheques. This allows you to increase rent by maximum of 30% in case the market rates are higher in subsequent 2 years.


Is this how you pay your staff too? Pretend to pay them more but take 30% back as some sort of wealth tax.


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## Chocoholic (Oct 29, 2012)

Watermark each page of the contract with 'Greed is good and if you don't like it leave'.


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## Stevesolar (Dec 21, 2012)

Whats the difference between a Dubai landlord and an indignant chicken?

An indignant chicken clucks in defiance

Whilst a Dubai landlord **** their clients!!

Cheers

Steve


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## Bigjimbo (Oct 28, 2010)

The big plus of these tips for me is the certain knowledge that Woodlands is going to get the type of tenant that is happy to defraud his company to the tune of 30% (as no proper company in Dubai would agree to this silliness) and this type of tenant will almost certainly either mistreat the property or worse like sublet it to 4 families. Fingers crossed..........


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## Korscho (Apr 17, 2013)

Yikes, wouldn't an employer be able to take action against an employee or landlord for that kind of fraud?


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## vantage (May 10, 2012)

Have just been thinking about Pammy's "how to write a crap pop tune" thread, and it is interesting to note that:

*Woodlands* rhymes with *unscrupulous [email protected]*

If Woodlands was my Landlord (fortunately, i KNOW he's not) and i found out he was up to this kind of shenanigans with my lease, it wouldn't be RERA he should be afraid of, but the feeling of sand being shovelled over his helplessly bound body in a shallow grave many miles out into the desert............


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## vantage (May 10, 2012)

Bigjimbo said:


> The big plus of these tips for me is the certain knowledge that Woodlands is going to get the type of tenant that is happy to defraud his company to the tune of 30% (as no proper company in Dubai would agree to this silliness) and this type of tenant will almost certainly either mistreat the property or worse like sublet it to 4 families. Fingers crossed..........


the naive tenant would also think "gee, 30% cash back - what a nice man!" before being right royally shafted without lube a mere 12 months later.


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## aliceasia (Feb 19, 2013)

Are you sure this is not a troll?? It is so provocative and extreme, it might be a joke just to make you react... and it works well!


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## Fat Bhoy Tim (Feb 28, 2013)

woodlands said:


> Disclaimer: This post is only meant for Dubai landlords. As a tenant it's your choice to agree to landlord's terms or walk away. Free market rules.
> 
> Tip1: The word "Non Renewable" must be inserted into every contract.


Actually, please do insert that - your contract immediately becomes unenforceable.


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## m1key (Jun 29, 2011)

aliceasia said:


> Are you sure this is not a troll?? It is so provocative and extreme, it might be a joke just to make you react... and it works well!


Stick around. Woodlands will be along again to further educate you in the art of greed and ethical behaviour


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## BedouGirl (Sep 15, 2011)

aliceasia said:


> Are you sure this is not a troll?? It is so provocative and extreme, it might be a joke just to make you react... and it works well!


Sadly, he is NOT a troll. He thinks he is being helpful  and, like a bad penny, he keeps on turning up.


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## aliceasia (Feb 19, 2013)

So it is even worse than I though... I could not believe it was true when I first red it... isn't it against the forum rules to recommand something illegal?


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## saraswat (Apr 28, 2012)

aliceasia said:


> So it is even worse than I though... I could not believe it was true when I first red it... isn't it against the forum rules to recommand something illegal?


Unfortunately I don't think what he is saying is illegal .... not entirely sure though, if anyone knows for a fact it is, then please do inform the mod's.

As it stands right now his post is inflammatory, unethical, selfish, and other adjectives that I shall not use for obvious reasons ... but not promoting illegal activity ....


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## woodlands (Jan 13, 2010)

Fat Bhoy Tim said:


> Actually, please do insert that - your contract immediately becomes unenforceable.


A bit short on facts don't you think?
Thank you mods for your understanding. I never meant to say that rents should be increased by 30% each year but if the market is at 10% higher level the landlord should be allowed to charge that. The landlord invests capital and takes risks and if the demand supply moves to his advantage he should benefit. If it moves the other way tenants should benefit. In the last crisis did we not reduce rents by 50%?

Now before you scream like marauding communists, consider what happens when free market principles are distorted. In Paris you can't rent a plc without a permanent contract with your employer and if you are minority, single mom etc. may god bless you. I think this one/2 cheque payment is wrong but once the contract gets signed the landlord has no recourse on a tenant who runs away. 
Now someone mentioned that if you hear the kind of terms I am proposing you should walk away as a tenant. Indeed, if the demand supply dynamic is in your favour. Same way that you can walk away from rent increases if market price is lower. All this talk of greed etc. is purely European mindset of entitlement. There is a reason why Europe is in such a mess and that is because the average guy doesn't understand basic economic pronciples. blame the banks, the politicians etc. but never your own intellect or character .


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## woodlands (Jan 13, 2010)

Wow, some hostility on even other threads I posted. Before being abusive consider that all of you are regularly trying to increase your profit/salary based on market demand supply dynamics, at least once an year. 
interestingly I had a comment from a car salesman. I would not comment on the profession but he is likely to be more than aware that he can charge a premium on some models based on demand supply. Yet when it comes to housing, landlords should simply take a hit. Would you work for an employer or a business which pays you below market. I hope NOT. But if the landlord demands market rate lets crucify him or as someone else said .. Bury them in the sand.
And yet it is my post that is inflammatory, unethical and what not. Well done !!


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## saraswat (Apr 28, 2012)

I have read you write about economic principles, macroeconomic insights, virtues of the purely capitalistic system and mention the term 'free market principles' enough times to make it seem like it's going out of style. 

First off, there do exist members of this forum that understand all of the terms/research/theory you refer to, you would actually be surprised by the number of people that do. In my opinion and experience, upon becoming an expat for an extended period of time, _basic _economic principles are things that get ingrained into one's mindset, whether they are in the line of work or not... 

Explain to me exactly how the local rental/property market is a 'free market' obeying 'free market principles' ?. Being able to freely buy a property if you have enough funds isn't the only thing that makes a market 'free'. If you seem to believe that within a 'free market' once an individual has bought a property, they have complete and utter control over how that property is used for economic gain, without any kind of government oversight and are entitled to the advantage of having the rules skewed in their favor, you are sadly mistaken. You will find that even in societies deemed to be the bastions of the capitalistic ideology, there exists a complete framework of legal and governmental laws/agencies that regulate/adjudicate and effectively moderate the property markets. Your definition of 'free market'/'free market principles' exists only in theory, specifically Milton Keynes/Ayn Brandt ...

Can't speak towards the European situation, never lived there, but can confidently say though that the things you highlighted are not the sole causes for the problems being faced, nor are they the root causes... By the way, Greenspan is a Keynesian /free market pioneer/Ayn Brandt disciple yes ? How did that end up working out for him and his policies in the end ?...


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## Jynxgirl (Nov 27, 2009)

How is it not illegal to sign a contract saying you paid 30% more then the actual rent amount? I doubt Mr Lands would like it if he owned a company and he was paying an extra 30% for rents that his workers were then pocketing so the greedy landlord had the option to raise it more then legally allowed the following year. 

I used to think government and regulation was a bad thing... After my time here, it saddens me that human beings are overall quite vile creatures who would not think twice about their actions if it got them a few exra pennies in their pockets.


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## m1key (Jun 29, 2011)

Woodlands. A very large part of the mess in Europe is down to greed, property speculation and reckless borrowing and lending. The property market here is based on hype and speculation. I live in a popular area with more vacant properties than a year ago, yet agents/landlords are trying to push rents up by 20-40%. That isn't supply and demand, it is bullsh!t. The other thing is if you and your mates stick their 30% thing in the contracts then guess what? The rent index goes up by 30%, creating a fake increase for you to capitalise on. If you think that is market economics then you should consider your own intellect before questioning others.

Finally, I would like to point out that I find many of your posts quite offensive. Continually describing ways to screw people over and regaling tales of your own unethical behaviour is at best unpleasant. This forum exists to help people, not exploit them. Think about that before posting in future please.


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## pamela0810 (Apr 5, 2010)

I think Woodlands is a jobless sociopath who has created this online persona that he's some sort of a millionaire businessman with big time wasta and several property investments in Dubai. It's the life that he wants but in reality he is just a fat, old, bald, ugly, jobless and lonely man. No sane person would put up such contentious posts unless they are desperately seeking some sort of attention which they're not getting in real life.

I pity this person because he obviously needs help.


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## woodlands (Jan 13, 2010)

pamela0810 said:


> I think Woodlands is a jobless sociopath who has created this online persona that he's some sort of a millionaire businessman with big time wasta and several property investments in Dubai. It's the life that he wants but in reality he is just a fat, old, bald, ugly, jobless and lonely man. No sane person would put up such contentious posts unless they are desperately seeking some sort of attention which they're not getting in real life.
> 
> I pity this person because he obviously needs help.


thank you. BTW there is nothing wrong with being fat, ugly, jobless, lonely, poor or a millionaire. 

Saraswat: Keynes and Ayn Rand in one sentence. That was a bit strange. Just because the government does something doesn't make it right. legal yes, right no. 
Indeed its a free market in real estate as you can buy/sell, rent/walk away.
what's amazing is in how much matter of fact manner people espouse social benefits when it involves someone else's capital.. and are happy to make inferences as the poster above at their deep shock in not getting a free ride.


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## woodlands (Jan 13, 2010)

m1key said:


> Woodlands. A very large part of the mess in Europe is down to greed, property speculation and reckless borrowing and lending. The property market here is based on hype and speculation. I live in a popular area with more vacant properties than a year ago, yet agents/landlords are trying to push rents up by 20-40%. That isn't supply and demand, it is bullsh!t. The other thing is if you and your mates stick their 30% thing in the contracts then guess what? The rent index goes up by 30%, creating a fake increase for you to capitalise on. If you think that is market economics then you should consider your own intellect before questioning others.
> 
> Finally, I would like to point out that I find many of your posts quite offensive. Continually describing ways to screw people over and regaling tales of your own unethical behaviour is at best unpleasant. This forum exists to help people, not exploit them. Think about that before posting in future please.


Just because empty properties are around does not mean they are available for rent. Large parts of knightsbridge and chelsea in central london are empty for a large part of the year. What happened in 2012 was quite unusual in that a lot of Arab spring money came in and took out market inventory. These properties are not available for rent anymore. Prices shot up hence..from hereon things should moderate. 

as for 30%, landlords who want to take a tenant will lower the price if they can't find someone, no matter if the rent index is at x, y or z. you are saying it's not a free market. You forget that prices fell over 60% in 2009/10. If that's not a free market, what is? Rents halved in that timeframe. That was ok but if prices go up, it's not ok. Rents are still below 2008 peak and prices are 30% below that level. Prices across the most distressed real estate markets have risen...globally. The whole world is a sham you think? Or it's a sham because prices should only stay same or go down but never go up.?


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## m1key (Jun 29, 2011)

woodlands said:


> Just because empty properties are around does not mean they are available for rent. Large parts of knightsbridge and chelsea in central london are empty for a large part of the year. What happened in 2012 was quite unusual in that a lot of Arab spring money came in and took out market inventory. These properties are not available for rent anymore. Prices shot up hence..from hereon things should moderate.
> 
> as for 30%, landlords who want to take a tenant will lower the price if they can't find someone, no matter if the rent index is at x, y or z. you are saying it's not a free market. You forget that prices fell over 60% in 2009/10. If that's not a free market, what is? Rents halved in that timeframe. That was ok but if prices go up, it's not ok. Rents are still below 2008 peak and prices are 30% below that level. Prices across the most distressed real estate markets have risen...globally. The whole world is a sham you think? Or it's a sham because prices should only stay same or go down but never go up.?


I'm talking about ones up for rent. But carry on in your own version of reality. I hope you'll be happy with an empty and hollow life.


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## Bigo (May 22, 2013)

woodlands said:


> Disclaimer: This post is only meant for Dubai landlords. As a tenant it's your choice to agree to landlord's terms or walk away. Free market rules.
> 
> Tip1: The word "Non Renewable" must be inserted into every contract.
> 
> ...


People like you are ruining Dubai market and making it impossible to live peacefully, not to mention that you can't dare to do this back in your home country. You really need to get stuck with a tenant who knows the rules very well and bring you down to court. Seriously Greed is what you all look at.


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## indoMLA (Feb 6, 2011)

^He's been banned, Chief.


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## ccr (Jun 20, 2010)

indoMLA said:


> ^He's been banned, Chief.


We can still slam the door...


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## IzzyBella (Mar 11, 2013)

I wondered how this got rectified


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