# Trying to understand



## Nightwing

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this topic. 

I mentioned before I'm on the autism spectrum. I suffer from depression and generalized anxiety. 

The worst problem I currently have is feeling lonely. I grew up as an expat in Libya, and the rest of my family still live there. So I'm on my own. I struggle to find somewhere I belong. I like working in special education, but there is too much drama going on with dysfunctional coworkers and unprofessional conduct, gossip and backstabbing. I struggle to make friends. I joined a Dungeons and Dragons group, but I don't feel like I've been connecting with most of the people there. Its the feeling of being surrounded by people and still feeling a lone. 

The reason I bring all this up is because everything felt so different during my recent trip to Poland. I felt like I was connecting with people and making friends a lot easier, with both other expats and locals. I partied, had drinks, sung karaoke, and danced not caring how badly. All things I never felt comfortable doing before. I'm not sure how this one time everything felt so different. I'm fully aware that I was in a program designed to bring people together and break the ice, which obviously helped a lot. I'm also aware I wasn't there long enough for the honey moon phase to ware off. But in my regular life, even when I'm around friends, I don't feel that comfortable. 

I don't understand how traveling to a new country changed all that.


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## Bevdeforges

This may not be the right place for this topic - but I'll give it a go anyhow. You mention "the honeymoon period" and I think that's key. Going someplace as a tourist, especially part of an organized program or tour group makes travel abroad a "special event" and a way to open yourself up to new experiences and new ways of doing things. On a short term basis.

When you get back home, you're back into your old routines and habits. When you move to a new country to live for the long term, your new home becomes your everyday existence and there aren't the programmed activities and "distractions" from whatever in your day to day life is making you discontent. You have to find new ways of doing things - from communicating (in a foreign language) to managing things like work, health care, and other administrative things that are second nature to you back "home."

From your various posts here on the forum about moving overseas, I get the impression that you're looking for something that doesn't exist. There is no one, perfect place for anyone. IMO you need to have a reason for making a major move and once you've decided where and why you're moving where you're moving to, you dig in and do what you have to to settle in, integrate and make a life for yourself there. It really is lots of work once you decide you want to stay where you are. But if your basic reason for being in a place is sound (a person, a job, a career path, some connection with the country and/or the people, etc.) you'll do what it takes to stay there. Casting about for "somewhere" to go probably isn't going to work out very well for you.


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## Nightwing

I agree with a lot of what you said.

I was an expat growing up in Libya, and my family still lives there. I don't have anything tying me to the US, and I've grown tired of it. I'm tired of the insane bipartisan politics, the capitalism driven work culture, the obsession with guns, etc. The cost of living is high, and I live in one of the cheapest states. Even the social atmosphere feels toxic. Everyone here is depressed. 

I like the idea of traveling on holidays to other countries and seeing new places and cultures. When I travel in NA all I see is more US. Participating in the Angloville programs was very expensive for me because of the cost of a transatlantic flight, while it is very affordable for people in or close to Europe. 

I'd go back to Libya if things were not such a mess over there. My family all work in an international school.


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