# looking for some advice



## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Hi there, 

Recently I found out that my wife (we are separated)has lied to me about giving birth to a baby in August last year. She told me our baby passed away after being born at 28 weeks. In reality the baby girl was born and given the name of another foreignor. I'm aware I've been scammed and am not happy about it, but I'm looking for some advice as to what to do next to establish the truth and get this resolved. I do think there is a reasonable chance she is mine but also a reasonable chance she isn't. What I would like to do is have some DNA tests done but my wife will not communicate with me now I know I was scammed. Has anyone got anything? Maybe some previous experience with familylaw and foreign fathers legal advice?

If you have a contact for a good lawyer and or investigator in manila I'd like to talk too.

Thanks


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

kingi said:


> Hi there,
> 
> Recently I found out that my wife (we are separated)has lied to me about giving birth to a baby in August last year. She told me our baby passed away after being born at 28 weeks. In reality the baby girl was born and given the name of another foreignor. I'm aware I've been scammed and am not happy about it, but I'm looking for some advice as to what to do next to establish the truth and get this resolved. I do think there is a reasonable chance she is mine but also a reasonable chance she isn't. What I would like to do is have some DNA tests done but my wife will not communicate with me now I know I was scammed. Has anyone got anything? Maybe some previous experience with familylaw and foreign fathers legal advice?
> 
> ...


Hi and welcome to the forum and sorry it is under such circumstances. Hopefully there will be some that have a few ideas on a possible solution that would help. A check or even a personal visit to your embassy in Manila might be helpful if you when you return to the Philippines. As you probably already know, the law here in the islands is or can be very fluid. Especially the enforcement of laws and or court orders.


Best Of Luck


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Yes contacting the new Zealand embassy there is on my list of things to do. The whole situation is polluted, but I know if the girl isn't mine then at least I've only suffered financially. Thanks for your thoughts


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## Taswegian (Dec 2, 2011)

Hi Kingi,
Go see a lawyer as you have a right to do a DNA test to confirm that the child is yours, be careful as a lot of problems are seen here as its easier to get rid off (kill you) than go to court, but don't get stuck paying a kid that is not yours. My suggestion is to get a lawyer to do all leg work and keep your address confidential so there is no chance of short outcome. Not that you wish to do this, but if you find out that the child is not yours you can charge your wife with in fidelity and put in prison.
Cheers


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

I'm lucky in that regard as I'm actually living in Australia and not Phil's so my safety is not an issue. 
Thanks


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

The New Zealand Embassy would be the one to deal with the DNA test, your problem is getting the samples from the child, this is where the attorney comes in. It is probably going to be expensive, especially if there is a court order to take DNA samples. It may also be very difficult to find honest individuals to do this as many are or can be corrupt. Most likely your wife will fight you on this and could easily go into hiding. If you are successful in getting the DNA test and it is 99.999% true that the child is yours, then you will have an obligation to support that child, however, if it is proven that the child is not yours, then your wife has committed adultery and this is grounds for an annulment. No matter which road you take, things can be costly and take a lot of time. Good luck.


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

If your wife isn't communicating with you how do you know all this has transpired? If not first hand or from a very trusted source that is infallible maybe take a breather.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

cvgtpc1 said:


> If your wife isn't communicating with you how do you know all this has transpired? If not first hand or from a very trusted source that is infallible maybe take a breather.


I had a lot of suspicions previously which were confirmed by one source first then by two other sources after that. I'd love to give the benefit of doubt here but just can't now. My wife and I have been separated nearly 7 months now and there was and still is no chance of reconciliation.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

JimnNila143 said:


> The New Zealand Embassy would be the one to deal with the DNA test, your problem is getting the samples from the child, this is where the attorney comes in. It is probably going to be expensive, especially if there is a court order to take DNA samples. It may also be very difficult to find honest individuals to do this as many are or can be corrupt. Most likely your wife will fight you on this and could easily go into hiding. If you are successful in getting the DNA test and it is 99.999% true that the child is yours, then you will have an obligation to support that child, however, if it is proven that the child is not yours, then your wife has committed adultery and this is grounds for an annulment. No matter which road you take, things can be costly and take a lot of time. Good luck.


I've always been bought up to accept your responsibility, so I feel I should. Of course if I can avoid having to pay anything that would suit me better. Thanks for your advice


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

kingi said:


> I've always been bought up to accept your responsibility, so I feel I should. Of course if I can avoid having to pay anything that would suit me better. Thanks for your advice


As you are out of the Philippines you could go the divorce route which would be a lot quicker and possibly cheaper. Any assets you have in the Philippines are your wifes anyway so nothing to fight over there, and it will keep the bloodsucking filipino lawyers out of it.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Gary D said:


> As you are out of the Philippines you could go the divorce route which would be a lot quicker and possibly cheaper. Any assets you have in the Philippines are your wifes anyway so nothing to fight over there, and it will keep the bloodsucking filipino lawyers out of it.


Thank you, that's where I was heading before all this came out in the open anyway. Does anyone know how she would go about leaving the Philippines if she's married?


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

kingi said:


> Thank you, that's where I was heading before all this came out in the open anyway. Does anyone know how she would go about leaving the Philippines if she's married?


I'm not sure what you mean about her leaving the Philippines, perhaps just being a bit dum. I beleive you can divorce her without her being present if that is what you mean.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Prob me not explaining my point not you being dumb. She will be trying to join her foreignor bf wherever he is using my last name on her passport and a different last name for the baby. I'm guessing that may cause a few troubles for her.


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

kingi said:


> Prob me not explaining my point not you being dumb. She will be trying to join her foreignor bf wherever he is using my last name on her passport and a different last name for the baby. I'm guessing that may cause a few troubles for her.


I wouldn't worry about it, it's her problem. If he's US or European it's odds on she's not going to make it anyway. If you do divorce her make sure you lodge the papers with the NSO in Manila so that it is on record. It would also help you if you should get involved with anlther filipina sometime in the future.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

kingi said:


> Prob me not explaining my point not you being dumb. She will be trying to join her foreignor bf wherever he is using my last name on her passport and a different last name for the baby. I'm guessing that may cause a few troubles for her.


First, notify your embassy in Manila and/or your version on The Department Of State in your home country.
Passport fraud is an extremely serious issue. So much so that she will never be able to leave the Philippines with anyone or even as an overseas worker after you report it.

Also, reporting it will clear you of any possible legal issues with your passort or you being able to use your passport in the future...


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Thank you both, great advice there. At this stage ill be staying well clear of filipina ladies, this one did quite a job on me. Going to struggle to trust another one I think.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

kingi said:


> Thank you both, great advice there. At this stage ill be staying well clear of filipina ladies, this one did quite a job on me. Going to struggle to trust another one I think.


Sometimes getting burned can help us to learn caution in areas that we didn't consider much in the past. Lessons of the heart come hard usually but are lasting.
There are many, many great gals here in the islands. But like anywhere else finding just the right one can be tricky. Don't give up. Keep trying; and the right one, the right Filipina will come along. Then and only then will you realize the true value of all the experience you are getting today.

I too had a bad experience (more than once) in life. This time I got lucky and married the right one, an angel for sure. I say lucky because I feel unworthy of her.
And from a famous quote: 
We are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me...


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Its not so much the negativity of marrying a Filipino again but rather the difficulty of a long distance relationship and stress of getting visas etc. Just not something I want to go through again anytime soon.


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

*Child in Divorce*



Gary D said:


> As you are out of the Philippines you could go the divorce route which would be a lot quicker and possibly cheaper. Any assets you have in the Philippines are your wifes anyway so nothing to fight over there, and it will keep the bloodsucking filipino lawyers out of it.


This is what makes things difficult for Kingl. If the child is his he would support that child, especially if proven by DNA test, if the child isn't his then yes, divorce would be much better and can be done a lot easier. The difficult thing is obtaining the DNA to make the test happen. His ex-spouse would more than likely refuse this and/or fight the person to would take the DNA samples or have someone fight the person taking those samples. If Kingl wanted the DNA test done, where would have to be a court order, this involves a lawyer and a judge and a person qualified to legally do the sample taking.


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

JimnNila143 said:


> This is what makes things difficult for Kingl. If the child is his he would support that child, especially if proven by DNA test, if the child isn't his then yes, divorce would be much better and can be done a lot easier. The difficult thing is obtaining the DNA to make the test happen. His ex-spouse would more than likely refuse this and/or fight the person to would take the DNA samples or have someone fight the person taking those samples. If Kingl wanted the DNA test done, where would have to be a court order, this involves a lawyer and a judge and a person qualified to legally do the sample taking.


If it's in the wife interest to have the DNA test done she will aggree. If she refuses you don't need it, walk away.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Spot on Gary d, that's my thoughts exactly now.


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

Perfect advice imo.


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## kingi (Aug 31, 2013)

Just a quick update, called the nz embassy in manila today, absolutely no help whatsoever. Have been told by nz agency to prepare the papers here in Australia, once signed by my wife I can then proceed. 

My wife's affairs have been 100% confirmed, her Filipino bf wasn't aware she had married me and has since beaten her within an inch of her life. I should feel guilty but I don't. The bf s wife is 2 days away from moving to singapore to escape him, I hope she makes it. She's an honest sort of lady and the airfare didn't cost me a lot at all....cheers again for all the advice.


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## Afew Wrinkles (Aug 14, 2014)

You have already suffered and wasted a chunk of your life that cant be replaced. I would divorce her, let the child go and move on.


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