# taking the plunge



## gerg (May 29, 2009)

Some of you will remember me- I'm the man who loved a Thai lady and wanted to move to LOS for love. My lady went to Denmark to work a little because she knew a lady from Thailand married to a Dane and she could work a little before she came back to Thailand to me. I went back to Australia to sort out some arrangements before making the final move to LOS. The plan was to have 2 houses-1 in Aust and 1 in Thailand. Now I find out from a friend in Thailand that she is married in Denmark. When I go back through the emails and how much she misses me etc I realise why I cannot call her and why she does not want to email me except ocassionally when she is unsure about what she is doing. Despite the anger and frustration I think I now realise that my lady had 2 men on the string. Me and him and she decides to marry in Denmark. The fog is lifting slowly and I think I can now see through it. Me or him. Anyway, she has decided to stay in Denmark and will obviously get very cold. Like many Isaan ladies with no money and little security, the opportunity to marry a farang is appealing. I wonder how many do this and the man does not understand Thailand, the fact that the lady wants to come back to see her family often etc etc. Am I just another poor sucker who falls under the spell and looking for another life only to realise too late that I have been taken for a good ride . Any comments appreciated.


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## Bobr (Aug 11, 2009)

gerg said:


> Some of you will remember me- I'm the man who loved a Thai lady and wanted to move to LOS for love. My lady went to Denmark to work a little because she knew a lady from Thailand married to a Dane and she could work a little before she came back to Thailand to me. I went back to Australia to sort out some arrangements before making the final move to LOS. The plan was to have 2 houses-1 in Aust and 1 in Thailand. Now I find out from a friend in Thailand that she is married in Denmark. When I go back through the emails and how much she misses me etc I realise why I cannot call her and why she does not want to email me except ocassionally when she is unsure about what she is doing. Despite the anger and frustration I think I now realise that my lady had 2 men on the string. Me and him and she decides to marry in Denmark. The fog is lifting slowly and I think I can now see through it. Me or him. Anyway, she has decided to stay in Denmark and will obviously get very cold. Like many Isaan ladies with no money and little security, the opportunity to marry a farang is appealing. I wonder how many do this and the man does not understand Thailand, the fact that the lady wants to come back to see her family often etc etc. Am I just another poor sucker who falls under the spell and looking for another life only to realise too late that I have been taken for a good ride . Any comments appreciated.


Yes, she had 2 men on the string, but that does not necessarily mean you were conned or used, and it does not even mean she did not really care for you. Many of these Thai girls want to marry foreign men, and many of them receive the same treatment from those men that you received from her; they are dumped and he marries someone else. She probably just took the first "offer" that was now, today, definite and not some possibility or hope in the future that could vanish at any time. If you have any contact with her, suggest you keep it positive and wish her luck.


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## Serendipity2 (Feb 22, 2009)

Gerg,

It may sound trite but true [compliments of that poetic genius Alfred Lord Tennyson]

'I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

There are many others who I'm sure would love to replace her in your heart - go find one! 

Serendipity2


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## gerg (May 29, 2009)

Bobr said:


> Yes, she had 2 men on the string, but that does not necessarily mean you were conned or used, and it does not even mean she did not really care for you. Many of these Thai girls want to marry foreign men, and many of them receive the same treatment from those men that you received from her; they are dumped and he marries someone else. She probably just took the first "offer" that was now, today, definite and not some possibility or hope in the future that could vanish at any time. If you have any contact with her, suggest you keep it positive and wish her luck.


Yes, now I know. I understand the situation ans have sent a number of emails but with no reply. I have sent positive messages as you suggested and can now only wait. She sent me an email back in Feb saying that she was unhappy and she wanted to go back to Thailand but I gave the wrong response by saying that I had commitments with my aging mother and to ask her "sponsor"(allegedly an old Danish woman who she helped) to extend her stay for 3 months. I now know that the main way to extend a 3 month visa is to marry. She called me in tears in March saying she made a big mistake and I again gave the wrong response by saying don't worry, wait a little and change her retur
n ticket to April, May. Big mistake!!! She said the lady was not nice to her and "marked her visa" to stay for one year. Again I didn't tweak to the situation. Why??-I think I had some reservations about the situation and suspected I wasn't being given the full story. Anyway, I heard a month ago from a mutual farang contact that she had in fact married. So, again I wait. Sounds nasty, but I hope she is not happy, the guy is a wife abuser, has no money etc etc and just like in the movies she does a runner and we fall into each others arms. Oh dear. Any comments would be appreciated. Any precedents to this sad tale??


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## Guest (Aug 14, 2009)

Sorry to hear of your problems, Bobr has it about right with his first reply. Suggest you try to put it all down to experience... there seems to be little you can do from so far away, whatever the truth of her present circumstances. I would definitely try to put that phase of your life behind me, in your shoes.

There are plenty of Thai ladies out there who are trustworthy, it's a matter of staying in LOS for a while, making sure the specs haven't got a rose-tinted shade to them, and understanding how the Thai psyche works in relationships - not an easy task!


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## Oneman (Aug 23, 2009)

frogblogger said:


> There are plenty of Thai ladies out there who are trustworthy,


So true.
Especially the part about "plenty" of them.
So many fish in the sea here.
Waste of time to fix on only just one.

Solving all the problems that any Thai women might cause, can be as simple as asking, "Who's next?"
There are plenty here who appreciate a good man and will help you in your life here, not cause problems.

-- Oneman
Chiangmai


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## bmeade8 (Sep 28, 2009)

Bobr said:


> Yes, she had 2 men on the string, but that does not necessarily mean you were conned or used, and it does not even mean she did not really care for you. Many of these Thai girls want to marry foreign men, and many of them receive the same treatment from those men that you received from her; they are dumped and he marries someone else. She probably just took the first "offer" that was now, today, definite and not some possibility or hope in the future that could vanish at any time. If you have any contact with her, suggest you keep it positive and wish her luck.


Well i have to say Maybe. More likely what happend is this.
First you must understand that Thais by nature are very selfish ( they have to be to protect them selves). No im not be neg just understand that is how it is. They really can't trust anyone here, not even their own parents (who often sell them for $30,000baht). Here your are stepping on someone or they are stepping on you. So she was just doing what is normal here. Playing all the angles and choosing the one she felt would be best for her. Now who is to fault here?

Well sorry to say it but it was you. You played a game and didn't know the rules and you lost. I'm sorry im not saying this to be mean just to help you understand just how dif thing are here. you might want to say what she did was bad, if so you will have a hard time to live in thailand, better you don't try.
Now if you choose to see it another way you will be happier. That way is, you almost made a big mistake but she save you. Now you know thing are dif and you have been shock int just how much your education can begin. you can learn about this great culture and understand it better enough to find a great girl for yourself and live happy. I really wish you the best i have seen many who weren't as lucky as you. they married the girl and learned later. some time much later, like when they didn't have any money left.

Good luck


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## gerg (May 29, 2009)

Well here we go again folks. Firstly thanks to replies I have received and very interested in bmeades8 story. The story goes about me and the Thai lady and our involvement over almost 3 years and how I heard that she went to Denmark and married in the middle of the year. She apparently has limited email access but in August I get a an email saying she misses me, loves me, wants to earn some money and does not have a man in Denmark. Sob, sob. Seems I was taken for a short ride. I believe that you can stay in Denmark if you marry or have special work skills but I am sure there are ways around this. I have checked with Thai contacts but get different stories(what's new). Today I get the phone call from the lady. Does not want to stay in Denmark, misses me etc etc. I try to check the marriage story and that she has told a friend in LOS that she marries. No she says. We have a house in her village and she tells me that her father wants her to stay in Denmark and does not want her to come back to the village!!??. I know he owes money to the bank and has limited means(a small farm). I tell the lady to call me again tomorrow via a friends phone and I'll try and check further. 
Can anybody shed some light on this mixed up fairy tale??


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## Guest (Oct 4, 2009)

National laws vary a little between EU countries, but other than marrying a Thai has either to prove considerable financial resources (for a Thai) to be able to travel to the EU for tourism purposes, or has to find a guarantor that will undertake to pay all costs involved (and has to prove his financial worth at the same time to the authorities concerned). So these two don't involve marriage.

You call it a fairy tale - yes she probably either got married first, or had some guy undertake to pay all the considerable costs for her trip over, perhaps with a view to marriage at some point... then maybe things started to go badly.

Who knows - the only certainty is that you're being strung along... there are plenty of girls with considerable expertise in this area!

As suggested before, my advice would be to look elsewhere, you're on a hiding to nothing wiith this one, imho. Relationships involve a lot of things other than 'love', but this one seems to be an entirely financial calculation on her side from what you've said so far.


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## Acid_Crow (May 11, 2009)

If it was me, I would say 'sum nam naa' and be happy about how miserable she was. But I'm a very jelous guy, and would (most likely) not be able to forgive her if she was cheating on me, let alone, if she was married to another guy!

I say, cut your losses and if your lucky you'll only suffer a broken heart. And that is cured with time (and Singha's ofc )


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## Serendipity2 (Feb 22, 2009)

*An Easy [sort of]Solution to Marriage*



frogblogger said:


> National laws vary a little between EU countries, but other than marrying a Thai has either to prove considerable financial resources (for a Thai) to be able to travel to the EU for tourism purposes, or has to find a guarantor that will undertake to pay all costs involved (and has to prove his financial worth at the same time to the authorities concerned). So these two don't involve marriage.
> 
> You call it a fairy tale - yes she probably either got married first, or had some guy undertake to pay all the considerable costs for her trip over, perhaps with a view to marriage at some point... then maybe things started to go badly.
> 
> ...



frogblogger,

Men would be far better off with a one year renewable contract of marriage. Think about what 'we' men now have - a contract with an indefinite end date where pretty much we are at a disadvantage. The rub is that often children are involved in broken marriages but leaving THAT aside [at least for the point of this illustration] imagine we married for one year and that at the end of that one year we could a. pack it in or b. renew the contract. During that year we would be responsible financially for the care and support of the dearly beloved and she, in turn, would remain faithful. Perhaps make SURE that there is no procreating during that first year and subsequent extensions of said contract. During that year the faithful bride would haul our coals, cook our meals and give us all the love and affection you and I deserve. All contracts of marriage would be renegotiated, provided both parties desired to extend said contract but contract negotiations would not begin until the after the 11th month of the current contract. If one or both parties decided to sever their marriage after the 12th month each would be free to go their own way. If they decided, mutually, to renew their vows each would be free to negotiate, in advance, the conditions of that new one year contract. If one or both fail to arrive at a satisfactory arrangement then either party could leave or, if they continued to remain, would be bound by the previous contractual arrangement provided the other party was also agreeable. 

Now wouldn't that make a LOT more sense than having a contract without a date certain as the end date. Unless you're one of those dreamers who believe in the fantasy, "unto death do us part" . The fly in the ointment is, of course, children and a divorce is FAR more devastating on them than on either of the adults. 

Serendipity2


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## Fontane (Nov 11, 2009)

Serendipity2 said:


> Gerg,
> 
> It may sound trite but true [compliments of that poetic genius Alfred Lord Tennyson]
> 
> ...



Hi Serendipity,
Very well put and nice touch with the poetry for a fellow that is probably a true romantic himself.
The best way to mend a broken heart is to find love again and that definately comes from a master .......Mr Tennyson.......:clap2:


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## Fontane (Nov 11, 2009)

Serendipity2 said:


> Gerg,
> 
> It may sound trite but true [compliments of that poetic genius Alfred Lord Tennyson]
> 
> ...



Hi Serendipity,
Very well put and nice touch with the poetry for a fellow that is probably a true romantic himself.
The best way to mend a broken heart is to find love again and that would like you said not be difficult in the LOS......:clap2:


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2009)

gerg said:


> Some of you will remember me- I'm the man who loved a Thai lady and wanted to move to LOS for love. My lady went to Denmark to work a little because she knew a lady from Thailand married to a Dane and she could work a little before she came back to Thailand to me. I went back to Australia to sort out some arrangements before making the final move to LOS. The plan was to have 2 houses-1 in Aust and 1 in Thailand. Now I find out from a friend in Thailand that she is married in Denmark. When I go back through the emails and how much she misses me etc I realise why I cannot call her and why she does not want to email me except ocassionally when she is unsure about what she is doing. Despite the anger and frustration I think I now realise that my lady had 2 men on the string. Me and him and she decides to marry in Denmark. The fog is lifting slowly and I think I can now see through it. Me or him. Anyway, she has decided to stay in Denmark and will obviously get very cold. Like many Isaan ladies with no money and little security, the opportunity to marry a farang is appealing. I wonder how many do this and the man does not understand Thailand, the fact that the lady wants to come back to see her family often etc etc. Am I just another poor sucker who falls under the spell and looking for another life only to realise too late that I have been taken for a good ride . Any comments appreciated.


One how was she to know that you were genuine and not just playing with her, two go get a new one there is no shortage, three - he who hesitates is lost.


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## gerg (May 29, 2009)

To everybody and happy bunny,
Yes you are all correct- I will probably never know!!. Anyway, havn't burnt too many bridges, havn't lost the loot that I could not afford, learnt a lot but still wish I had moved earlier in the situation. That's life I guess. Still wondering what to do. Thank you all for your various inputs.


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