# General Filipina Girlfriend Advice



## ILoveAFilipina

Hi all,

This time last year I met a beautiful Filipina lady while visiting the Philippines as part of a round the world trip. We actually met in a shopping mall of all places...

After I left the Philippines we kept in touch via email and then when I got back to the UK in June we started skyping each other regularly. When I say regularly I mean like every day for like 8/9 hours a day (sometimes more)! 

Anyway, I was fortunate to be offered a job in Malaysia and once I moved out there decided that it would be a good opportunity to meet up with her again so I arranged for her to fly to Singapore (with her sister as company, as she had not flown before and was nervous). 

Despite me having provided a return ticket, a copy of the hotel booking and a letter confirming who I was and that I would take responsibility for her well being, Philippines immigration stopped her at the airport and would not let her take the flight. They told her that I was lying to her, planned to rape her, steal her passport and then sell her into prostitution. 

Needless to say I was not particularly impressed by this description of me and my GF was also in a state of shock. So I cancelled my hotel reservations in Singapore and flew to meet her in the Phils instead - and had a great time. I have visited once a month since then (three times total) and have met her family (who are all really nice). I am visiting again in Jan and then in Feb also, when I hope that she can come back to Malaysia with me for a month to see how she likes it. 

It turns out that I have to get a letter notarised/signed by the Philippines Embassy in KL (for a cost) to show to Philippines immigration when we leave the Philippines - to prove that I am not some kind of people trafficker!

If she does like living with me in Malaysia (I am worried about her being homesick and missing her family - and being bored when I am at work) then I will have to try and sort something more long term out in regards to the VISA. Initially I plan to go back and forth to the Phils (or Singapore, or Thailand) with her once a month so her 'social' visit visa is renewed.

Anyway, I am aware of some of the various pitfalls of getting involved with Filipino ladies - having heard various horror stories of fleeced men over the years (particularly in relation to the extended family) (and girls who already have Filipino boyfriends but knowingly get a foreign boyfriend to provide some extra income). However, I have also hear lots of heart warming love stories and by nature I tend to be a glass half full kind of person (some may call me naive).

I really love my lady and I am as sure as possible that the feeling is mutual. Her family have not asked for money at any stage - although I have helped in little ways i.e. buying a bike for a niece's birthday, taking them all out to dinner each time I have visited, bringing chocolate and small gifts when I arrive from Malaysia etc... and they seem perfectly happy with that (at least so far).

My main concerns relate to three things:

1) Age - she is 20 and I am 39. I know that I am actually quite young in some ways (compared to some of the fellas I have seen with Filipino girls when I have visited) and I am certainly young at heart - but I am concerned that she may not feel the same way about me when I am 50 and she is 30 or even when I am 60 and she is 40... She says it does not bother her and that she actually prefers an 'older' guy because it means that I am more likely to stay faithful to her and not 'play' as she put it. Are Filipinas happy to stick with an older chap if they treat them nicely?

2) Education / Culture - My GF speaks very good English but did not finish High School (mainly because she started working to make some extra money for her family)... I on the other hand am a graduate. From my perspective this does not bother me now because we get on so well and I can tell that she is naturally very bright (and extremely perceptive). Once things have settled down a bit I may see if I can help her to restart her studies. Culturally we just seem to fit. I like pretty much the same movies, music and humour that she does - with the exception that she has some pretty odd superstitions (has a real fear of 'ghosts' for instance and once asked me if I could bring her to see a unicorn)... I know in the UK the usual advice is that educational parity helps relationships prosper but is an education gap a big issue between partners in the Phils? And are there any weird cultural things I should be aware of? I am at least a Catholic too (albeit non practicing)...

3) Perceptions. I first visited Asia in 2007. I have some wealthy Asian friends in Hong Kong, Singapore and also in Manila. When I visited them and went out in the evenings I would often see older European/American guys with young good looking Asian girls - and my perception was that they all must have been 'paid' for. It was not something that I found that attractive, even if it was a huge and unfair (as I now know) generalization on my part. Now however I worry about what people will think of me and in their eyes my 'poor', 'uneducated' 20 year old girlfriend. On one hand I think I shouldn't really care as it shouldn't matter what other people think - it is what we feel for each other that is important. BUT on the other hand my job involves a lot of networking and socialising and it does worry me about how our relationship could potentially affect my career. Are other Asians less likely to want to do business with me because I have a young Asian GF? Is this something that I am only conscious of now because it is all very new to me - or is this something that is real and will have an effect as long as we are together?

Anyway, this post is long enough now. I welcome your questions, thoughts and suggestions.

Thanks


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## lorgnette

_I welcome your questions, thoughts and suggestions_

Actually, you appear to have answered your own questions sufficiently well already in all sectors on a mixed culture, distant relationship. 

I understand your hesitance in the age and educational gap, but these small issues should vanish with additional visits and further in-depth interpersonal communication. 

Just you take it slowly.


Good luck!


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## Mug

Welcome to the forum!! Hopefully others will also be here to help you understand Filipinas and the Philippines in your pursuit of love. Here in the USA the American-Filipina couples display about the same type of age and educational differences. I am 5 years older than my wife, but for most the age difference is even greater. My wife's niece married an American 23 years older than her and they have two beautiful children. She is happy to be a stay at home mom, having worked 5 years as a domestic in Hong Kong. I have a 4 year degree while my wife finished high school in the Philippines, but her ability to speak English,Tagalog and Ilocano makes us a very good team. A few other couples we know the age difference is about 20 years and they last. The only failed marriage here was a 62 year old man married to a 23 year old Filipina, who immediately sought divorce once she gained permanent resident status.
You seem to understand the situation quite well, knowing it is best for you to understand rather than be understood. As for ghosts, you may want to read the thread here on beliefs and superstitions to give you an idea of what else you might encounter. Being a Catholic will help you understand the mindset of most. If you keep an open heart and open mind and take your time you should reach your destination. Good Luck!!


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## jon1

ILoveAFilipina said:


> 1) Age - she is 20 and I am 39. I know that I am actually quite young in some ways (compared to some of the fellas I have seen with Filipino girls when I have visited) and I am certainly young at heart - but I am concerned that she may not feel the same way about me when I am 50 and she is 30 or even when I am 60 and she is 40... She says it does not bother her and that she actually prefers an 'older' guy because it means that I am more likely to stay faithful to her and not 'play' as she put it. Are Filipinas happy to stick with an older chap if they treat them nicely?
> 
> 2) Education / Culture - My GF speaks very good English but did not finish High School (mainly because she started working to make some extra money for her family)... I on the other hand am a graduate. From my perspective this does not bother me now because we get on so well and I can tell that she is naturally very bright (and extremely perceptive). Once things have settled down a bit I may see if I can help her to restart her studies. Culturally we just seem to fit. I like pretty much the same movies, music and humour that she does - with the exception that she has some pretty odd superstitions (has a real fear of 'ghosts' for instance and once asked me if I could bring her to see a unicorn)... I know in the UK the usual advice is that educational parity helps relationships prosper but is an education gap a big issue between partners in the Phils? And are there any weird cultural things I should be aware of? I am at least a Catholic too (albeit non practicing)...
> 
> 3) Perceptions. I first visited Asia in 2007. I have some wealthy Asian friends in Hong Kong, Singapore and also in Manila. When I visited them and went out in the evenings I would often see older European/American guys with young good looking Asian girls - and my perception was that they all must have been 'paid' for. It was not something that I found that attractive, even if it was a huge and unfair (as I now know) generalization on my part. Now however I worry about what people will think of me and in their eyes my 'poor', 'uneducated' 20 year old girlfriend. On one hand I think I shouldn't really care as it shouldn't matter what other people think - it is what we feel for each other that is important. BUT on the other hand my job involves a lot of networking and socialising and it does worry me about how our relationship could potentially affect my career. Are other Asians less likely to want to do business with me because I have a young Asian GF? Is this something that I am only conscious of now because it is all very new to me - or is this something that is real and will have an effect as long as we are together?
> 
> Anyway, this post is long enough now. I welcome your questions, thoughts and suggestions.
> 
> Thanks


1. *This is between you and her. If you both hit it off and you nurture the relationship then age won't matter. What she has told you is why there are so many younger women with older Expats. They view you as a stable partner and settled down. I have been with my girl for 10 years now (she is 29 and I am 48) and we are extremely comfortable with each other.*

2. *They key thing here is communication and trust. You have to get her to open up to you completely (and you the same). Lay out some ground rules and abide by them (make them mutually respectful). Do not let things stew EVER! Explain to her that between your language barriers (misinterpretations on both sides) and cultural barriers ( myths, superstitions) that there will be perceived issues and that if you don't talk them out you will slowly build a gap/barrier between you. You can work on the superstitions but I do not believe that you will ever get rid of all of them 100%. Mine still has some and I have been educating her in real vs mythical. Bottom line; if it isn't hurting anything why bother debunking it? If you ever make a promise to her you will have to complete it or you will lose ground with her. Never promise anything unless you can do it 100%. If you can't, say something like you will try or maybe (the Filipino way of saying no). Make some goals with her (include her in the prioritization). After you get a track record of making your common goals/promises you will have her trust along with her love. Prove to her that you are there for her and want to make her future brighter. And she will do the same. But you have to test each other in the beginning to truly understand each other. Learn what buttons push you and her. Get her to understand that life is better without bickering and drama (took me 4 years on the drama part). If she is one of those that has to be ahead of the Jones', my recommendation is to just start anew with another one. Women like that tend to never be happy with or appreciate what they have. They will always want more and have to be "better" than everyone else.*

3. *That perception is a common Westerner thought. The reality is who cares? I think most Asians would look at you sideways if you didn't have a younger girlfriend/wife. A lot of Asian cultures EXPECT you to have mistresses/or a younger woman in tow. A good english speaking uneducated woman does not mean that she will be looked down upon. Work on building her self esteem in helping her accomplish things (driving a vehicle, managing a budget, etc.) that help show her to be semi-independent and not a robot. Most filipinas with high self esteem are gregarious. If she is like that, instead of the mouse on your shoulder, you should have no perceptions of having "paid" for her company. If you carry yourself in a reliable, favorable fashion your companions will know that you are not the type that you perceived/stereotyped.*


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## ILoveAFilipina

Thank you all for your feedback...

@MUG it is nice to know that these things really do work out...

@JON1 thanks for the words of wisdom. This especially was interesting to me:



> Never promise anything unless you can do it 100%. If you can't, say something like you will try or maybe (the Filipino way of saying no)


Funnily enough I generally do not make promises unless I feel that I can deliver on them. When we first started dating and I was unsure a few times about when I could visit I said a few times that 'I would try' to meet her on such and such a date and 'maybe on such and such a date'. When I did this she got quite upset and said 'Why just maybe, why just try' which confused me as I thought that it implied that I would be doing my best to do it but could not be 100% certain. The fact that you say these are Filipino words for 'no' actually makes things a bit clearer for me...



> Get her to understand that life is better without bickering and drama (took me 4 years on the drama part).


This also rings true - sometimes I get the impression she is trying to create drama just for drama's sake (i.e. why are you home so late - are you seeing another girl? Even though she really knows I am not)... I am getting quite used to it (and I am generally a pretty chilled due) although I have pushed back (metaphorically) a few times when it has been extremely ridiculous and I think she is already toning it down...



> If she is one of those that has to be ahead of the Jones', my recommendation is to just start anew with another one. Women like that tend to never be happy with or appreciate what they have. They will always want more and have to be "better" than everyone else.


Luckily she doesn't seem to be like that at all - in fact she complains about her friends who show off their things just to show off...



> Work on building her self esteem in helping her accomplish things (driving a vehicle, managing a budget, etc.) that help show her to be semi-independent and not a robot. Most filipinas with high self esteem are gregarious.


This is good advice - thank you... She is certainly gregarious when she is with me and her family and certainly does not seem to have any issue about showing her connection/affection for me in public (in the mall for example) - however I have noticed that she sometimes does go quiet when other people are around. I had already planned to help her to do some more studying (if she wants to) but will also consider those other things you suggest. I am not highly social myself but do have to 'network' as part of my job sometimes and would like her to feel comfortable in those situations...

Anyway - thanks again for all the suggestions everyone. I do adore her and I just hope that she enjoys Malaysia when she comes here and does not get too homesick or bored when I am at work!

Cheers


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## Mug

While GF is in Malaysia you may want to help her meet other local Filipinas, through a local Catholic church, if available. Skyp is another good investment to keep her connected to the Philippines, even if you have to buy the unit used in the Philippines, it is better than international calling in the long run.


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## c_uk

ILoveAFilipina said:


> Hi all,
> 
> This time last year I met a beautiful Filipina lady while visiting the Philippines as part of a round the world trip. We actually met in a shopping mall of all places...
> 
> After I left the Philippines we kept in touch via email and then when I got back to the UK in June we started skyping each other regularly. When I say regularly I mean like every day for like 8/9 hours a day (sometimes more)!
> 
> Anyway, I was fortunate to be offered a job in Malaysia and once I moved out there decided that it would be a good opportunity to meet up with her again so I arranged for her to fly to Singapore (with her sister as company, as she had not flown before and was nervous).
> 
> Despite me having provided a return ticket, a copy of the hotel booking and a letter confirming who I was and that I would take responsibility for her well being, Philippines immigration stopped her at the airport and would not let her take the flight. They told her that I was lying to her, planned to rape her, steal her passport and then sell her into prostitution.
> 
> Needless to say I was not particularly impressed by this description of me and my GF was also in a state of shock. So I cancelled my hotel reservations in Singapore and flew to meet her in the Phils instead - and had a great time. I have visited once a month since then (three times total) and have met her family (who are all really nice). I am visiting again in Jan and then in Feb also, when I hope that she can come back to Malaysia with me for a month to see how she likes it.
> 
> It turns out that I have to get a letter notarised/signed by the Philippines Embassy in KL (for a cost) to show to Philippines immigration when we leave the Philippines - to prove that I am not some kind of people trafficker!
> 
> If she does like living with me in Malaysia (I am worried about her being homesick and missing her family - and being bored when I am at work) then I will have to try and sort something more long term out in regards to the VISA. Initially I plan to go back and forth to the Phils (or Singapore, or Thailand) with her once a month so her 'social' visit visa is renewed.
> 
> Anyway, I am aware of some of the various pitfalls of getting involved with Filipino ladies - having heard various horror stories of fleeced men over the years (particularly in relation to the extended family) (and girls who already have Filipino boyfriends but knowingly get a foreign boyfriend to provide some extra income). However, I have also hear lots of heart warming love stories and by nature I tend to be a glass half full kind of person (some may call me naive).
> 
> I really love my lady and I am as sure as possible that the feeling is mutual. Her family have not asked for money at any stage - although I have helped in little ways i.e. buying a bike for a niece's birthday, taking them all out to dinner each time I have visited, bringing chocolate and small gifts when I arrive from Malaysia etc... and they seem perfectly happy with that (at least so far).
> 
> My main concerns relate to three things:
> 
> 1) Age - she is 20 and I am 39. I know that I am actually quite young in some ways (compared to some of the fellas I have seen with Filipino girls when I have visited) and I am certainly young at heart - but I am concerned that she may not feel the same way about me when I am 50 and she is 30 or even when I am 60 and she is 40... She says it does not bother her and that she actually prefers an 'older' guy because it means that I am more likely to stay faithful to her and not 'play' as she put it. Are Filipinas happy to stick with an older chap if they treat them nicely?
> 
> 2) Education / Culture - My GF speaks very good English but did not finish High School (mainly because she started working to make some extra money for her family)... I on the other hand am a graduate. From my perspective this does not bother me now because we get on so well and I can tell that she is naturally very bright (and extremely perceptive). Once things have settled down a bit I may see if I can help her to restart her studies. Culturally we just seem to fit. I like pretty much the same movies, music and humour that she does - with the exception that she has some pretty odd superstitions (has a real fear of 'ghosts' for instance and once asked me if I could bring her to see a unicorn)... I know in the UK the usual advice is that educational parity helps relationships prosper but is an education gap a big issue between partners in the Phils? And are there any weird cultural things I should be aware of? I am at least a Catholic too (albeit non practicing)...
> 
> 3) Perceptions. I first visited Asia in 2007. I have some wealthy Asian friends in Hong Kong, Singapore and also in Manila. When I visited them and went out in the evenings I would often see older European/American guys with young good looking Asian girls - and my perception was that they all must have been 'paid' for. It was not something that I found that attractive, even if it was a huge and unfair (as I now know) generalization on my part. Now however I worry about what people will think of me and in their eyes my 'poor', 'uneducated' 20 year old girlfriend. On one hand I think I shouldn't really care as it shouldn't matter what other people think - it is what we feel for each other that is important. BUT on the other hand my job involves a lot of networking and socialising and it does worry me about how our relationship could potentially affect my career. Are other Asians less likely to want to do business with me because I have a young Asian GF? Is this something that I am only conscious of now because it is all very new to me - or is this something that is real and will have an effect as long as we are together?
> 
> Anyway, this post is long enough now. I welcome your questions, thoughts and suggestions.
> 
> Thanks


Keep your half glass full. What do you mean weird cultural thing? If you need some clarification on a cultural clash then you may message me. I will be happy to answers your concern as best as I can.


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## jon1

ILoveAFilipina said:


> Thank you all for your feedback...
> 
> @MUG it is nice to know that these things really do work out...
> 
> @JON1 thanks for the words of wisdom. This especially was interesting to me:
> 
> 
> 
> Funnily enough I generally do not make promises unless I feel that I can deliver on them. When we first started dating and I was unsure a few times about when I could visit I said a few times that 'I would try' to meet her on such and such a date and 'maybe on such and such a date'. When I did this she got quite upset and said 'Why just maybe, why just try' which confused me as I thought that it implied that I would be doing my best to do it but could not be 100% certain. The fact that you say these are Filipino words for 'no' actually makes things a bit clearer for me...
> 
> 
> 
> This also rings true - sometimes I get the impression she is trying to create drama just for drama's sake (i.e. why are you home so late - are you seeing another girl? Even though she really knows I am not)... I am getting quite used to it (and I am generally a pretty chilled due) although I have pushed back (metaphorically) a few times when it has been extremely ridiculous and I think she is already toning it down...
> 
> 
> 
> Luckily she doesn't seem to be like that at all - in fact she complains about her friends who show off their things just to show off...
> 
> 
> 
> This is good advice - thank you... She is certainly gregarious when she is with me and her family and certainly does not seem to have any issue about showing her connection/affection for me in public (in the mall for example) - however I have noticed that she sometimes does go quiet when other people are around. I had already planned to help her to do some more studying (if she wants to) but will also consider those other things you suggest. I am not highly social myself but do have to 'network' as part of my job sometimes and would like her to feel comfortable in those situations...
> 
> Anyway - thanks again for all the suggestions everyone. I do adore her and I just hope that she enjoys Malaysia when she comes here and does not get too homesick or bored when I am at work!
> 
> Cheers


I am glad that I was able to give you something that you can take away with.

That is great that she is not into the "showy" thing. That often leads into the areas that I was talking about. That alone would push me away from a relationship. 

Look at the drama creation as tests to see your sincerity. The fact that they are less frequent gives case that you are gaining her trust.

It sounds to me like you got a good girl to grow with. It's all about give and take. You both grow as you learn each other (personalities, culture, languages, etc.). I always find it fascinating and will never grow tired of my partner. We know each other's goods and bads and accept them. 

Best of Luck!


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## ILoveAFilipina

You sound like a wise chap! thanks gain for the advice. I hope that it works out for us the same way that it has for you.

I am happy to invest my time and effort into this because I really think that she is someone I could still be with in another 40 years time. I just hope she feels the same way!


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## jon1

ILoveAFilipina said:


> You sound like a wise chap! thanks gain for the advice. I hope that it works out for us the same way that it has for you.
> 
> I am happy to invest my time and effort into this because I really think that she is someone I could still be with in another 40 years time. I just hope she feels the same way!


Just remember that it is always a work in progress. Don't let things come between you and her. Once there is a gap it's hard to close it. Always be honest with her and expect the same. 

I am sure that if you keep up with adoration and communication (the most important key) that things will fall into place. Patience is a must too (especially if you ever decide to settle down in the Philippines, another story).

For me, exposing her to new things all the time is one of the most rewarding parts of our relationship. Mine also has one of the best intuitions that I have ever come across (she could work for CSI hahahaha). I still struggle to learn her dialect but her english is always improving (95% there). We don't stagnate and always keep things moving. We have traveled all over the country, plus Hong Kong and Singapore. We will be going to Thailand in May.


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## c_uk

jon1 said:


> Just remember that it is always a work in progress. Don't let things come between you and her. Once there is a gap it's hard to close it. Always be honest with her and expect the same.
> 
> I am sure that if you keep up with adoration and communication (the most important key) that things will fall into place. Patience is a must too (especially if you ever decide to settle down in the Philippines, another story).
> 
> For me, exposing her to new things all the time is one of the most rewarding parts of our relationship. Mine also has one of the best intuitions that I have ever come across (she could work for CSI hahahaha). I still struggle to learn her dialect but her english is always improving (95% there). We don't stagnate and always keep things moving. We have traveled all over the country, plus Hong Kong and Singapore. We will be going to Thailand in May.


The basis of a good relationship is compromise, trust and communication. . Try to embrace the differences and respect each other.

My two pennies ..
C'


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## jon1

c_uk said:


> The basis of a good relationship is compromise, trust and communication. . Try to embrace the differences and respect each other.
> 
> My two pennies ..
> C'


Yes I agree 100% as long as compromise doesn't mean compromising one's self.


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## c_uk

jon1 said:


> Yes I agree 100% as long as compromise doesn't mean compromising one's self.


It's acceptable to agree to disagree when you get to know the person well. No I don't agree in compromising everything haha. Has to be give and take and I really believe the solid ground for a good relationship or partnership is Good communication. 

What happen tho if there's a language barrier? We understand people in mixed relationship or marriage have differences ie, cultural and also in some cases age differences. Now it can be a challenging task to adjust - but, it is doable!

My other penny worth,

C'


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## jon1

c_uk said:


> It's acceptable to agree to disagree when you get to know the person well. No I don't agree in compromising everything haha. Has to be give and take and I really believe the solid ground for a good relationship or partnership is Good communication.
> 
> What happen tho if there's a language barrier? We understand people in mixed relationship or marriage have differences ie, cultural and also in some cases age differences. Now it can be a challenging task to adjust - but, it is doable!
> 
> My other penny worth,
> 
> C'


Yes you are correct. I explained to her in the beginning. You have to let me know when I make you mad, when I offend you or when you disagree. You can not be passive and say it's alright. It may be something simple as a miscommunication or me not being aware of something that is offensive in her culture. And I capped it off with at the end of the day we kiss each other good night, irregardless of what transpired. It seems to be working so far. We have 100% trust and are closer than ever.


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## ILoveAFilipina

jon1 said:


> Yes you are correct. I explained to her in the beginning. You have to let me know when I make you mad, when I offend you or when you disagree. You can not be passive and say it's alright. It may be something simple as a miscommunication or me not being aware of something that is offensive in her culture. And I capped it off with at the end of the day we kiss each other good night, irregardless of what transpired. It seems to be working so far. We have 100% trust and are closer than ever.


I have done the same. Sometimes she just goes quiet and doesn't talk and have realised that I have pissed her off somehow. Then I try and get her to explain what is wrong which usually takes a bit of coaxing - usually in these cases I will have actually done something wrong - nothing major but some silly oversight or piece of stupidity on my part.

Sometimes when she is more vocal about being unhappy it has tended to be more the 'drama' variety where I haven't actually done anything seriously wrong but she is just in the mood to make a bit of mischief!

For example, I just moved apartment on Saturday and the internet has not been connected yet. We have got into the habit of leaving SKYPE connected overnight (Even when we are both sleeping) - she really likes keeping an eye on me and vice versa  

Anyway, I discovered that as a temporary measure, I could still connect Skype by connecting my phone to my laptop and it worked fine. As I had already paid for a 5GB data 'load' this month on my phone (and thought that Skype doesn't use much data) we left Skype online again (via the phone) on Sat night / Sun morning.

In the morning I checked how much data had been used overnight and it was a whopping 3GB (more than half my monthly data allowance)... As she was not at Skype right then I sent her a message about this and then disconnected. 

I explained that until my apartment internet was connected we need to limit the Skype calls to when we were both around instead of leaving it permanently connected or else the data allowance would run out too quickly and then we wouldn't be able to chat at all. 

Fairly 'reasonable' explanation I think - but when she got back to her computer she had the idea that I didn't want to talk to her and then 'blanked' me all morning. As she wasn't talking to me I decided, that rather than sit twiddling my thumbs at home, to go to the cinema instead and sent her a message to tell her this - which didn't go down to well either as now I was a 'busy guy'...

Anyway, I kept messaging her through the day telling her exactly what I was doing and how much I loved her and then in the afternoon she started replying to the messages and then Skyped me and apologised for being 'moody'. After that everything went back to normal...


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## c_uk

ILoveAFilipina said:


> I have done the same. Sometimes she just goes quiet and doesn't talk and have realised that I have pissed her off somehow. Then I try and get her to explain what is wrong which usually takes a bit of coaxing - usually in these cases I will have actually done something wrong - nothing major but some silly oversight or piece of stupidity on my part.
> 
> Sometimes when she is more vocal about being unhappy it has tended to be more the 'drama' variety where I haven't actually done anything seriously wrong but she is just in the mood to make a bit of mischief!
> 
> For example, I just moved apartment on Saturday and the internet has not been connected yet. We have got into the habit of leaving SKYPE connected overnight (Even when we are both sleeping) - she really likes keeping an eye on me and vice versa
> 
> Anyway, I discovered that as a temporary measure, I could still connect Skype by connecting my phone to my laptop and it worked fine. As I had already paid for a 5GB data 'load' this month on my phone (and thought that Skype doesn't use much data) we left Skype online again (via the phone) on Sat night / Sun morning.
> 
> In the morning I checked how much data had been used overnight and it was a whopping 3GB (more than half my monthly data allowance)... As she was not at Skype right then I sent her a message about this and then disconnected.
> 
> I explained that until my apartment internet was connected we need to limit the Skype calls to when we were both around instead of leaving it permanently connected or else the data allowance would run out too quickly and then we wouldn't be able to chat at all.
> 
> Fairly 'reasonable' explanation I think - but when she got back to her computer she had the idea that I didn't want to talk to her and then 'blanked' me all morning. As she wasn't talking to me I decided, that rather than sit twiddling my thumbs at home, to go to the cinema instead and sent her a message to tell her this - which didn't go down to well either as now I was a 'busy guy'...
> 
> Anyway, I kept messaging her through the day telling her exactly what I was doing and how much I loved her and then in the afternoon she started replying to the messages and then Skyped me and apologised for being 'moody'. After that everything went back to normal...


I'm sure it is just a temporary thing ( tampo) sulking irrationally ( in your part) . It's just part of getting to know each other. You already exercised your patience by ignoring her drama as you put it. I imagine she is just testing the water how far she can dip her foot or feet. She probably will message you anyway after the ( moody) bit has suffice.

All the best,

C'


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## Asian Spirit

*Skype Etc*



c_uk said:


> I'm sure it is just a temporary thing ( tampo) sulking irrationally ( in your part) . It's just part of getting to know each other. You already exercised your patience by ignoring her drama as you put it. I imagine she is just testing the water how far she can dip her foot or feet. She probably will message you anyway after the ( moody) bit has suffice.
> 
> All the best,
> 
> C'


I agree with "C" on this and it's just something you get use to eventually too. I've been married to my Filipina for almost 10 years now. No dramatics really but the cultural differences do come to the surface from time to time. 
I've talked to others that have been married to Filipina gals for 25 years and some longer than that. They all say the same thing in that the cultural differences never go away completely. Just one of those things we, and they have to get use to...


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## jon1

c_uk said:


> I'm sure it is just a temporary thing ( tampo) sulking irrationally ( in your part) . It's just part of getting to know each other. You already exercised your patience by ignoring her drama as you put it. I imagine she is just testing the water how far she can dip her foot or feet. She probably will message you anyway after the ( moody) bit has suffice.
> 
> All the best,
> 
> C'


I also concur. Key thing is that you don't take it the wrong way and continue to be patient. After a while the mood swings will be less frequent. The testing will go on until you both are 100% comfortable with and trust each other completely.


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## Bopc1996

c_uk said:


> Keep your half glass full. What do you mean weird cultural thing? If you need some clarification on a cultural clash then you may message me. I will be happy to answers your concern as best as I can.


From my "been there, done that" experiences and of some of my friends experiences, I can say that with few exceptions, if you take your fiancé or new wife to your home country she will likely after getting her citizenship, or in some cases, just a green card, will not be the same girl you met on the Philippines . Likely will leave you for a younger or more wealthy guy or if not that be a difficult marriage. HOWEVER if you stay in the Philippines that same girl will very very likely be a extremely devoted ,caring and faithful wife. She has to be as she knows there are many other pinays who will grab him if given the chance. My advice, if at all possible, stay on the Philippines.


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## c_uk

Bopc1996 said:


> From my "been there, done that" experiences and of some of my friends experiences, I can say that with few exceptions, if you take your fiancé or new wife to your home country she will likely after getting her citizenship, or in some cases, just a green card, will not be the same girl you met on the Philippines . Likely will leave you for a younger or more wealthy guy or if not that be a difficult marriage. HOWEVER if you stay in the Philippines that same girl will very very likely be a extremely devoted ,caring and faithful wife. She has to be as she knows there are many other pinays who will grab him if given the chance. My advice, if at all possible, stay on the Philippines.


Not everyone do feel the desire to live abroad. Sorry to hear if you have been in that position. It also work the other way. I believe in seeing my glass half full. It can happen to anyone regardless .


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## Asian Spirit

*Like Glue*



c_uk said:


> Not everyone do feel the desire to live abroad. Sorry to hear if you have been in that position. It also work the other way. I believe in seeing my glass half full. It can happen to anyone regardless .


I agree; if not treated badly, a Filipina makes just about the best, most faithful, and dedicated wife possible in life. Naturally, it is possible to marry the wrong person but then who's fault is that?


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## Bopc1996

Gene and Viol said:


> I agree; if not treated badly, a Filipina makes just about the best, most faithful, and dedicated wife possible in life. Naturally, it is possible to marry the wrong person but then who's fault is that?


Very true IF you are living in the Philippines with her.


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## cvgtpc1

Bopc1996 said:


> Very true IF you are living in the Philippines with her.


Very interesting to point that out. Guess they feel pressure to impress the family with their wife skills.

I consider myself very lucky in that we've been married 30 years, living both in and out of the US. We've known many many couples over that time and the only ones we know that made it were mostly those close in age. Just an observation, no judgement.


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## Bopc1996

cvgtpc1 said:


> Very interesting to point that out. Guess they feel pressure to impress the family with their wife skills.
> 
> I consider myself very lucky in that we've been married 30 years, living both in and out of the US. We've known many many couples over that time and the only ones we know that made it were mostly those close in age. Just an observation, no judgement.


Yes about the only such marriages I seen succeed in USA were between couples reasonably close in age. But an American who is much older than his Pinay wife AND lives in the Philippines will also likely have a successful marriage and loyal loving wife because the wife knows her husband would quickly have many suitors if he left her.


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## ILoveAFilipina

There is a 19 year difference between us - BUT - I have always been young-at-heart (others might call it immature) and up to date with the 'young uns' in as much as like the same kind of movies, music and technology as people younger than me i.e. I still go to festivals, I still go to adventure parks, I still like action movies, I am up-to-the-minute with Facebook, Twitter and other social media, I use my Smart Phone too much, I still enjoy videogames etc etc etc. 

When I am with her I don't notice the age difference at all and at times it certainly seems like she is the more sensible mature one in the relationship...

I take on board what you are saying about living abroad however I wonder how your theory applies to living elsewhere in Asia rather than moving to the USA/Europe? I am actually based in Malaysia now and if things go well it could be a permanent move. She is certainly a tad paranoid about me finding another lady here (even if I am not interested in anyone but her) although that could simply be because we are still not living together/married yet!


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## c_uk

Bopc1996 said:


> From my "been there, done that" experiences and of some of my friends experiences, I can say that with few exceptions, if you take your fiancé or new wife to your home country she will likely after getting her citizenship, or in some cases, just a green card, will not be the same girl you met on the Philippines . Likely will leave you for a younger or more wealthy guy or if not that be a difficult marriage. HOWEVER if you stay in the Philippines that same girl will very very likely be a extremely devoted ,caring and faithful wife. She has to be as she knows there are many other pinays who will grab him if given the chance. My advice, if at all possible, stay on the Philippines.


Your experience IS not necessarily EVERYONE or ANYONE experience. Your experience might be a sad case but many if not most in that relationship do work or are successful. If someone ideas of a relationship IS how you define it then you can't hardly blame it on the majorly . Most people I know who are in that relationship who live abroad and in the Philippines have successful relationship.


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## c_uk

Gene and Viol said:


> I agree; if not treated badly, a Filipina makes just about the best, most faithful, and dedicated wife possible in life. Naturally, it is possible to marry the wrong person but then who's fault is that?


Gene,

If a relationship IS faulty and the other person interests Or intention Is not honourable then that relationship is bound to fail and it's irrelevant where you are living! I say, a failed relationship IS a failed relationship and it could and it happen! I think looking for an excuse to blame is just not accepting that it has failed!!


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## c_uk

ILoveAFilipina said:


> There is a 19 year difference between us - BUT - I have always been young-at-heart (others might call it immature) and up to date with the 'young uns' in as much as like the same kind of movies, music and technology as people younger than me i.e. I still go to festivals, I still go to adventure parks, I still like action movies, I am up-to-the-minute with Facebook, Twitter and other social media, I use my Smart Phone too much, I still enjoy videogames etc etc etc.
> 
> When I am with her I don't notice the age difference at all and at times it certainly seems like she is the more sensible mature one in the relationship...
> 
> I take on board what you are saying about living abroad however I wonder how your theory applies to living elsewhere in Asia rather than moving to the USA/Europe? I am actually based in Malaysia now and if things go well it could be a permanent move. She is certainly a tad paranoid about me finding another lady here (even if I am not interested in anyone but her) although that could simply be because we are still not living together/married yet!


I say, the theory of if you live abroad your relationship might not be as successful is a load or rubbish! Majority of my friends in UK or in USA and other country are in mixed marriages and there's is no proof or that theory or even that idea is true!


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## Asian Spirit

*Marriage*



c_uk said:


> Gene,
> 
> If a relationship IS faulty and the other person interests Or intention Is not honourable then that relationship is bound to fail and it's irrelevant where you are living! I say, a failed relationship IS a failed relationship and it could and it happen! I think looking for an excuse to blame is just not accepting that it has failed!!


I agree completely. In fact, marriage to a Filipina in any country has a better chance of success than most all others.


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## Bopc1996

c_uk said:


> I say, the theory of if you live abroad your relationship might not be as successful is a load or rubbish! Majority of my friends in UK or in USA and other country are in mixed marriages and there's is no proof or that theory or even that idea is true!


You are completely missing my point. I am ONLY talking about marriages between young pinays and old foreigners. You see that VERY often in the Philippines.. Why would a beautiful 20 year old Pinay want to marry a 60 plus year old obese foreigner ? The answer of course is for financial security and a chance to possibly leave the Philippines. If the couple stays in the Philippines, the wife will very likely remain devoted and faithful to her much older husband as she knows many other pinays would love to trade places with her. BUT if the same couple ,moves to the USA,UK, Austraila etc the wife once citizenship is obtained, or in some cases just a green card will look for a romantic partner more her age in her new country.Yes there are exceptions to this, but very few. Folks, this is just reality. I am not saying if it is right or wrong.


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## Asian Spirit

I can only speak for those I've seen back home in the states with a great age difference. Perhaps 9 couples I know, all are still married after 10 years or more of marriage. But your point is well taken as there would be differences in interests such as music and a host of others as well...


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## jdavis10

I agree keep her in Philippines. Couple more things:

1.) There is culture shock but lot more positives than couple negatives
2.) Dont be snob and high maintenance and life is just fine.
3.) Live by Faith, Truth, and Patience in your relationship


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## Aira Bongco

That's just sad. You have to excuse the misconceptions here in the country. It is just that there are a lot of foreigners getting some Filipino women just for that purpose. Although they don't have the evidence that will prove that you'll do that, what they have done is a preventative system. I guess it will be better if you'll just marry her or you have met in another country (or maybe if you're also Filipino).


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## Jurita

You seem to be a nice sincere guy. Culturally, asking her to come live with you in Malaysia outside marriage is a no no. We Filipinos are very dependent on our family, that being the case we do not mature as early on in life as the westerns do. In saying that I think that she is too young and will need more time to experience and figure out what or who she wants. Teaching her things, helping her build her confidence blah blah blah sounds romantic but it can also be tiring, frustrating and what if after all that she realises it is not you she wants to be with? It might sound brutal but if you are meant to be, maybe in the future you will meet again but for now let her be.


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