# Please assess my Essay writing - Task 2



## nash2925 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi friends,

I am having my exam in two days. I am little worried about my writing style and format. It will be really helpful if you can assess my essay that I have written as part of practice test.

*Topic:
*
Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The Shanghai metro is the most convenient way to get around the city. Do you agree or disagree?

*My answer:*

Within metropolis, the best way to transport is public transport. In particular, to travel around the city, Shangai metro is the most comfortable mode of transport. It is agreed that Shanghai metro is the most convenient way to get around the city. Analyzing both its well connectivity as well as quick journey time explain this.

Firstly, complete connectivity to all major locations of a metro is very vital for the transport system. One should be able to go to multiple destinations from the same point. Last year, when my flight was cancelled, I boarded into train that take me to railway station instead of airport from the same location. That saved me from cancelling my trip and it was hassle free journey. Since Shanghai metro is fully connected to all major places of the metro, it is cozy to use metro to transport around the city.

Secondly, if the journey time is too long, then it is not a desirable mode of transport. For instance, usually, my friend reaches his office late because of traffic jam. So, one has to use quick mode of transport to reach the destination in time without getting stuck in traffic jam or whatsoever other problems. As Shangai metro travels in its dedicated route, there will not be traffic jams. From this it is evident that Shangai metro is the efficient mode of transport around the city.

In summary, shangai metro connects the city wholly and is the quick mode of transport. Thus it is clear why Shangai metro is the most convenient way to get around the city can be supported.

Thanks for your time.


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## ind2oz (May 29, 2013)

nash2925 said:


> Hi friends,
> 
> I am having my exam in two days. I am little worried about my writing style and format. It will be really helpful if you can assess my essay that I have written as part of practice test.
> 
> ...


Buddy if you are expecting 7 this should be fine.


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## Rocky Balboa (Feb 15, 2013)

I think he must have already taken the test plus got the results by now..It was posted on 20th June. What score did you get mate?


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## trinkasharma (Mar 20, 2013)

I could not understand the sentence

"Analyzing both its well connectivity as well as quick journey time explain this."

Perhaps "Analyzing both its GOOD connectivity as well as quick journey time CAN explain this."

Shanghai is spelled as Shanghai and Shangai. Not sure if it is OK.

"Within metropolis, the best way to transport is public transport" is missing articles.

Perhaps

"Within the metropolis, the best way OF transport is THE public transport".

I boarded into train that take me to railway station should be "I boarded a train that took me to railway station"

it was hassle free journey should be it was A hassle free journey.

shangai should be capitalised.

In some places traffic jam should be replaced with traffic jams.

BTW how much did you score?


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## trinkasharma (Mar 20, 2013)

It has good connectivity but it is well connected.

Your tea is well. My English is not well.

Vs

Your tea is good.My English is not good.


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## nash2925 (Apr 18, 2013)

I am sorry for the delayed reply. I got sick and hence, I didn't check this forum for a while.

I got 6 Band in writing. I followed the same pattern as above. Last time when I wrote 500 words, I got 6.5, this time I wrote 290 words, I got 6 in IDP India 

This is pretty disappointing and irritating :S .... I need to correct my mistakes and get through this time


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## Rocky Balboa (Feb 15, 2013)

500 words..in British Council IELTS exam, you are expected to write only 250-270 words for your essay..


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## nash2925 (Apr 18, 2013)

But when I wrote 270 words, I just got 6 :S


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## trinkasharma (Mar 20, 2013)

It is the quality of the words too. You did not write the exact same words, right?


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## AM (May 29, 2013)

it is not the quantity. always the quality


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## Rocky Balboa (Feb 15, 2013)

Quality and Quantity both are assessed in the Exam. if you underwrite or overwrite by neglecting the word-limit, your score will suffer. Lexical resource, sentence structure, grammatical accuracy, punctuation, cohesive phrases, Task Response are taken into account while grading your essay

http://www.ielts.org/pdf/UOBDs_WritingT2.pdf


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## Surjeet.kandasi (Jun 26, 2013)

nash2925 said:


> Hi friends,
> 
> I am having my exam in two days. I am little worried about my writing style and format. It will be really helpful if you can assess my essay that I have written as part of practice test.
> 
> ...




Hi Nash
i know it is late reply but still if you are looking to resit in the exam then i hope this will help you.

I have reviewed your essay and found that the format is not correct. In these, agrre or Disagree type, its better to put some +ve's of the essay in 2nd paragraph and some -ve in 3rd paragraph.. Dont give your opinion in these paragraphes. The last paragraph should contain your opinion and closing lines.

In this way, your whole writing would be well balanced. Also, try to use soime vocab. dont go for difficult words but yes some different words would do wonders for you. Also, you have mentioned too much of your personnel experience which i guess is not correct. yes, they ask for any relevant example, but it doesnot mean that you can make whole paragraph of that example or mention that in every paragraph.

Format: Ideally there should be only 4 paragraphes

*First paragraph*: General lines about topic + Connecting line +Your Topic +closing line

*Second paragraph* : Opening line + positive or negative of topic(whichever have more points write it first) +Closing line

*Third paragraph* : Opening line + positive or negative of topic(whichever have less points ) +Closing line

*Last Paragraph* : Your opinion + closing line


Regarding word limits, you are supposed to write not more than 250-270 words. I will try to share one essay written by me.
500 words would be time waste and you will be loosing marks .. so be carefull

hope this will help

Good luck!!!!!!!!


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## Surjeet.kandasi (Jun 26, 2013)

*Sample Writing*



nash2925 said:


> Hi friends,
> 
> I am having my exam in two days. I am little worried about my writing style and format. It will be really helpful if you can assess my essay that I have written as part of practice test.
> 
> ...




Hi Nash

I hope you willl get the attachment as i am doing it for the 1st time
*Task 2 : *the topic was to describe the various factors which i will be considering before moving to a new country( dont remember the exact wording but hope you will understand once you read it)

*Task1:* in this i need to ask for information on a course from my friend who is living in Australia and various pre-requisites etc . 


Hope this Help :thumb:


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## Janardhan.G (May 29, 2013)

Surjeet.kandasi said:


> Hi Nash
> 
> I hope you willl get the attachment as i am doing it for the 1st time
> *Task 2 : *the topic was to describe the various factors which i will be considering before moving to a new country( dont remember the exact wording but hope you will understand once you read it)
> ...


are these attachments were from IELTS exam? who evaluated it?
is it a practice ?


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## Surjeet.kandasi (Jun 26, 2013)

Janardhan.G said:


> are these attachments were from IELTS exam? who evaluated it?
> is it a practice ?


no its not from IELTS exam.. These are assessed by my tutor. These are my practice tests.


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## vignesh_j (Jul 18, 2013)

Hi ALL

Iam having my exam this month end, i am writing for IDP India, after going through this thread, it seems IDP is much tougher than the British Council , Its my First time, i have quite decent prpeartions

Iam just curious to know is British Council is easier to IDP?


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## Surjeet.kandasi (Jun 26, 2013)

vignesh_j said:


> Hi ALL
> 
> Iam having my exam this month end, i am writing for IDP India, after going through this thread, it seems IDP is much tougher than the British Council , Its my First time, i have quite decent prpeartions
> 
> Iam just curious to know is British Council is easier to IDP?


Hi Vignesh

i dont think there is anything like this.. As you said that you have quite decent preparation , i dont think there would be any problem in getting good score.
Jsut stick to the basics and you will be through. I gave my first attempt from IDP and fell short of 0.5 marks in speaking and i know what mistakes i made in that . So there is not point of easy or tough as far as test center is concerned.


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## vignesh_j (Jul 18, 2013)

Surjeet.kandasi said:


> Hi Vignesh
> 
> i dont think there is anything like this.. As you said that you have quite decent preparation , i dont think there would be any problem in getting good score.
> Jsut stick to the basics and you will be through. I gave my first attempt from IDP and fell short of 0.5 marks in speaking and i know what mistakes i made in that . So there is not point of easy or tough as far as test center is concerned.



Thanks for the reply, Is your second attempt is also in IDP, How was the speaking module then, iam little nervous in speaking only, but is that talking for 2 minutes alone without break ,will fetch us the score ?


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## Surjeet.kandasi (Jun 26, 2013)

vignesh_j said:


> Thanks for the reply, Is your second attempt is also in IDP, How was the speaking module then, iam little nervous in speaking only, but is that talking for 2 minutes alone without break ,will fetch us the score ?



No, it was from BRITISH..LOL
i know what you must be thinking.. but dont worry you will be through. I was also very nervous in speaking & that was the main problem. Just be confident and speak normally. The examiners are very polite and helpful.
Just remember one thing, the moment you will get nervous , you will loose. they just ask you normal day to day life questions . 
Cue card topic is also easy and there is no hard and fast rule for time. You can continue with speaking and dont think of time. The examiner will interrupt you and will ask you some cross questions if you exceed the time. 
Main thing , your confidence..just be relax and speak normally. dont let him think that you have crammed everything. I am sharing one link from where i had prepared .. Hope you will find it helpful

IELTS Speaking Cue Cards With Possible Answers


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## vignesh_j (Jul 18, 2013)

Thanks Surjeet for instilling much confidence, Lot of money involved in this IELTS business, never want to have an second attempt, want to give my best shot in the first attempt itself.


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## Rocky Balboa (Feb 15, 2013)

I succeeded in First attempt, Practice IELTS Cambridge Book 1 to 8, go to youtube, and watch EnglishRyan's video, Refer to Ielts-blog.com and Ielts-exam.net, these are excellent enough to boost your score past 7 in each section. Allocate certain fixed time each day for studying IELTS..dont panick during the test..


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