# Dealing With Distance From Family As A Philippines Expat



## Nile566 (May 2, 2014)

Here's a question for US Expats who currently reside in PI:

Is it emotionally difficult to find yourselves so distant from close family such as adult children, parents, siblings? 

That's one agenda that's crossed my mind several times over. I have adult daughters who are on their own, still single, and working on their careers. The thought of someday being so far from them is a weighty issue, at least for now it is. Same goes for my aging parents whom are still healthy and financially stable. 

How do you navigate such concerns?


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Nile566 said:


> Here's a question for US Expats who currently reside in PI:
> 
> Is it emotionally difficult to find yourselves so distant from close family such as adult children, parents, siblings?
> 
> ...


Nile, This is a great topic so made this a new thread.

If aging parents are to remain behind in our home countries, I think that might be a drawback in making a move for some people.
I left my mother when I moved here the first time in 1998 and ended up returning home to care for her until her death before coming back to the Philippines for good. With parents, each of us must weigh what the right decision is and make decisions from there. There are nice and not too expensive high rise condos in Manila that may fill the need for parents if they are willing to make the move also.

Adult children are a different story. I would not cancel a move or lessen retirement goals due to adult children. There are always cheap flights to go back for occasional visits. Don't forget that those flights come here as well and those "adult" children should be capable AND willing to come here for visits as well...


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## Nickleback99 (Aug 6, 2011)

For those that feel the need to be closer and on same side of the globe, perhaps look into Central America or even northern countries in South America. International Living has some great input on still cheap places across those areas, and still Affordable places in Panama. However, being married to a Pinay, the PI will No doubt be my future home I have an adult daughter right here in Seattle and a teen son that will be first in college when I move Permanently to the PI sometime in 2016. Also, as both my parents are passed now, that is not a factor. Either way, I think being in military before and then in federal law enforcement with a worldwide mission and being gone A Lot most of my life, pretty much makes it more tolerable for me, and for them as just "more of the same". My son will be one I most worry about until he's firmly entrenched in college and a future in front of him, but then again, he has his mom here. In the end, it comes down to what You want and what makes You feel comfortable with the situation, and Central America sites certainly get high marks and puts you much closer to loved ones.


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

Both of my parents are long deceased, I have one deceased sister and one living in the USA. It can be difficult, especially if your spouse is Filipina and is very close to her parents. We lived on Mindanao until we moved to Luzon and that being said, it was kind of hard on my wife because we are 1 1/2 flight hours away from her parents and family. She prefers to live on Mindanao but I can't do it, become ill too often doing that. Fortunately my wife does have the ability to visit her parents who are both up in years. We do hope to fly to Mindanao in July to visit for a week and then return to Luzon.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

JimnNila143 said:


> Both of my parents are long deceased, I have one deceased sister and one living in the USA. It can be difficult, especially if your spouse is Filipina and is very close to her parents. We lived on Mindanao until we moved to Luzon and that being said, it was kind of hard on my wife because we are 1 1/2 flight hours away from her parents and family. She prefers to live on Mindanao but I can't do it, become ill too often doing that. Fortunately my wife does have the ability to visit her parents who are both up in years. We do hope to fly to Mindanao in July to visit for a week and then return to Luzon.


Jim, I've never been down that way so am wondering -- what was the cause of you getting sick there and not here? Was it the water?


Jet..


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

*Dealing with Distance From Family*



Jet Lag said:


> Jim, I've never been down that way so am wondering -- what was the cause of you getting sick there and not here? Was it the water?
> 
> 
> Jet..


Jet,

Upon my last and final return to the Philippines, for 3 1/2 months, Nila and I lived in a rat infested boarding house situated over a cesspool which cost us only 1,000 pesos a month. Many cockroaches and mosquitos, and this was in Dipolog City. There is nothing worse that opening your window in the morning to the fresh smell of s**t! There were also cats running around loose between the floors chasing after the mice and rats. I was lying on our bed with an electric fan blowing on me and into my face. A cat, chasing a mouse broke through our ceiling, dropping mold and mildew down and right into my fan which went into my face and right into my lungs. Within 6 hours I developed full blown asthmatic bronchial pneumonia which took too months to get over. The place was rally a dump, no private CRs, only a community shower We lived on the 2nd floor. Also, the sidewalk on the side of the building where the one water faucet is located had a 1 meter patch of wet algae growing on it. I usually missed that patch of algae but this time, in order to avoid bumping into a fellow tenant, who was at the water faucet, my left foot got too close to the algae and I wend down on my right knee in a WWE style kneed drop on my right knee, almost blowing it out. Being a big man, it took 3 Filipinos to get me up off the ground. took 3 weeks to overcome that mishap until we rented a house. We stayed in the house until we moved to Gen. Trias. Had I not become ill nor busted up my knee, I would have been fine, walking well, having no problems moving around.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

JimnNila143 said:


> Jet,
> 
> Upon my last and final return to the Philippines, for 3 1/2 months, Nila and I lived in a rat infested boarding house situated over a cesspool which cost us only 1,000 pesos a month. Many cockroaches and mosquitos, and this was in Dipolog City. There is nothing worse that opening your window in the morning to the fresh smell of s**t! There were also cats running around loose between the floors chasing after the mice and rats. I was lying on our bed with an electric fan blowing on me and into my face. A cat, chasing a mouse broke through our ceiling, dropping mold and mildew down and right into my fan which went into my face and right into my lungs. Within 6 hours I developed full blown asthmatic bronchial pneumonia which took too months to get over. The place was rally a dump, no private CRs, only a community shower We lived on the 2nd floor. Also, the sidewalk on the side of the building where the one water faucet is located had a 1 meter patch of wet algae growing on it. I usually missed that patch of algae but this time, in order to avoid bumping into a fellow tenant, who was at the water faucet, my left foot got too close to the algae and I wend down on my right knee in a WWE style kneed drop on my right knee, almost blowing it out. Being a big man, it took 3 Filipinos to get me up off the ground. took 3 weeks to overcome that mishap until we rented a house. We stayed in the house until we moved to Gen. Trias. Had I not become ill nor busted up my knee, I would have been fine, walking well, having no problems moving around.


Man- that's a hard lesson you could have done without. Amazing how the locals for the most part seem immune from these hazards. I know there are many places like that and must have been horrible having to spend time there.
A friend of ours, Steve Sutton, use to live over in the Cavete area where you are now and ended up moving here to our town.
Housing cost here is about what you were spending on a boarding house but here they are single family homes and clean.
I hope your health (respiratory) holds out now and you don't have issues during the rainy season.
Are you using or do you keep something like a Dua-Vent puffer with you just in case of a sudden attack now?
I have COPD from smoking over the years and use that and other medications. Even the change in due point, air pressure, or humidity level can cause things to act up..


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

I acquired a VOIP number that is local call for them along with maintaining contact via email.

I had a similar lifestyle like Nickelback's and only recently have started to be static. My adult children know how I am always out and have adjusted to it. There is no reason that they can't come and visit me should they want to. 

For my wife, 500 miles away from her parents, she has adjusted well and we visit at least once a year. 3 or 4 days in her hometown is usually enough for her to appreciate what we have in Subic  :cheers:


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## Nile566 (May 2, 2014)

Nickleback99 said:


> For those that feel the need to be closer and on same side of the globe, perhaps look into Central America or even northern countries in South America. International Living has some great input on still cheap places across those areas, and still Affordable places in Panama. However, being married to a Pinay, the PI will No doubt be my future home I have an adult daughter right here in Seattle and a teen son that will be first in college when I move Permanently to the PI sometime in 2016. Also, as both my parents are passed now, that is not a factor. Either way, I think being in military before and then in federal law enforcement with a worldwide mission and being gone A Lot most of my life, pretty much makes it more tolerable for me, and for them as just "more of the same". My son will be one I most worry about until he's firmly entrenched in college and a future in front of him, but then again, he has his mom here. In the end, it comes down to what You want and what makes You feel comfortable with the situation, and Central America sites certainly get high marks and puts you much closer to loved ones.


Interesting POV. 

Several acquiantances of mine are indeed looking into places like Panama, Costa Rica and Ecuador for retirement. While I should make an effort to look into these places, the fact is that something in my gut dampens my curiosity. It may have much to do with the fact that I've worked, lived with, or among Asians (mostly Filipinos) since I was 19.

BTW, having been in the Navy about "_a million years ago_," I went thru PI about 6 times during two WESTPAC tours. So, more reason to prefer PI. 

So, between the previously mentioned experiences, and given that my significant other is Filipina, PI feels like a better fit should we someday take the "_leap of faith_" and move out of The USA. 

My emotional attachment to close family might deminish a bit, the closer I get to retirement. I'd hope to confront reality from the head vs the heart.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Nile566 said:


> Interesting POV.
> 
> Several acquiantances of mine are indeed looking into places like Panama, Costa Rica and Ecuador for retirement. While I should make an effort to look into these places, the fact is that something in my gut dampens my curiosity. It may have much to do with the fact that I've worked, lived with, or among Asians (mostly Filipinos) since I was 19.
> 
> ...


Nile, That leap of faith really isn't so difficult. Hardest part of the whole thing is packing up and trying to decide what to leave and what to take.
When I moved here years ago, I sold all I could and then just locked the Apt door and drove away. All I brought with me was two check through bags and one carry on -- plus a computer. That was 11 years ago and have NEVER regretted the decision or the move.


Jet Lag


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Long ways from the US*



Nile566 said:


> Here's a question for US Expats who currently reside in PI:
> 
> Is it emotionally difficult to find yourselves so distant from close family such as adult children, parents, siblings?
> 
> ...


I stayed in the US till my mom passed, she had been ill for years but I still keep in contact with my Dad via Skype, same with my brother, my sisters are a little slow on streaming video so we talk or text on Facebook it seems to work, living in the US didn't give us much time to talk or spend much time with one another due to work except on holidays, family members most, lived in the same state but different city my one sister lives in ME and I'm from ND, so we have the same relationship here as I did in the US but in short Facebook is the quick link for all of us.


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

*Breathing Assistance*



Jet Lag said:


> Man- that's a hard lesson you could have done without. Amazing how the locals for the most part seem immune from these hazards. I know there are many places like that and must have been horrible having to spend time there.
> A friend of ours, Steve Sutton, use to live over in the Cavete area where you are now and ended up moving here to our town.
> Housing cost here is about what you were spending on a boarding house but here they are single family homes and clean.
> I hope your health (respiratory) holds out now and you don't have issues during the rainy season.
> ...


If anyone comes to our house and smokes cigarettes, has a cold, or if a sick kid is brought to our house, I can get a problem pretty fast. Smoking causes me to get asthma or asthmatic bronchitis. If they have a cough, I tell them to get that kid home now and don't take it out of the house until it is well. If they have the flu I can get pneumonia. We have a nebulizer that helps a lot. I also have to be careful about weather change, due point and humidity levels as well. My wife gets upset with me if I tell a customer not to light up the cigarette inside our store, I tell her if she wants to pay for my medical treatments and meds to treat an asthma attack that is fine, otherwise, SHADDUP. What so many Filipinos can't contemplate is the 2nd hand smoke causes a much higher risk of lung cancer, especially for little ones. When I see someone carrying a baby in their arms and they have a lit cigarette in their mouth, I want to slap that cigarette out of their mouth but I don't, I tell them they are abusing their kid.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

JimnNila143 said:


> If anyone comes to our house and smokes cigarettes, has a cold, or if a sick kid is brought to our house, I can get a problem pretty fast. Smoking causes me to get asthma or asthmatic bronchitis. If they have a cough, I tell them to get that kid home now and don't take it out of the house until it is well. If they have the flu I can get pneumonia. We have a nebulizer that helps a lot. I also have to be careful about weather change, due point and humidity levels as well. My wife gets upset with me if I tell a customer not to light up the cigarette inside our store, I tell her if she wants to pay for my medical treatments and meds to treat an asthma attack that is fine, otherwise, SHADDUP. What so many Filipinos can't contemplate is the 2nd hand smoke causes a much higher risk of lung cancer, especially for little ones. When I see someone carrying a baby in their arms and they have a lit cigarette in their mouth, I want to slap that cigarette out of their mouth but I don't, I tell them they are abusing their kid.


Yep, I know exactly how you feel. Smoking anywhere on our property is prohibited for any reason. As you say, humidity, due point, and even air pressure combinations can make breathing tight, congested, and uncomfortable to say the least. 
I've found that the air conditioning system at Marquee Mall here in our area uses a different kind of air condition filtering system. Very effective it seems in cleaning the air to the point that even on the worst days it is comfortable in there.
On the opposite end, I have found that it can life threatening to go into some of the duty free stores on Clark that use water coolers rather than aircon. The local water is filled with bacteria and putting it in the air that way is or can be a killer.
Even a bath towel after use here at home is immediately taken out of the room to dry.
I should be living in Phoenix AZ or Palm Springs CA where the air is almost completely dry. But I love it here and just tolerate the humidity.

PS. Get the pneumonia vaccine injection. It lasts for 5 years and my Dr has me getting it every 3 years so as to allow a good overlap on coverage. That and a yearly flu shot keeps any respiratory infection from going into pneumonia.


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