# May/December



## Manitoba (Jun 25, 2014)

There are many couples out there who are an older foreign man and a younger local woman. Sometimes the woman is young enough to be a granddaughter. While these are more socially acceptable here, they are generally frowned upon in our home countries. 

For those in such a relationship, how did you tell your friends and family back home and how did they react? How is your relationship accepted now?


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

Manitoba said:


> There are many couples out there who are an older foreign man and a younger local woman. Sometimes the woman is young enough to be a granddaughter. While these are more socially acceptable here, they are generally frowned upon in our home countries.
> 
> For those in such a relationship, how did you tell your friends and family back home and how did they react? How is your relationship accepted now?


Don't mix up accepted here with tolerated here.


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## Tukaram (Dec 18, 2014)

No different here in the PIs than in the US. Look at all the politicians, actors, businessmen with young wives. Any time there is a lot of income disparity, some girls look to move up.

My family is very friendly with my new wife. She has only met my brother and his wife in person, but is friends with my whole family on Facebook, including my ex and her new husband.

But we are not may/dec... she was born in june and I was born in feb ha ha


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Don't fit in Manitoba's post as we would be classed as Nov/Dec couple. but just to add to Gary's post - quite a bit of the time I get the feeling that we are only begrudgingly tolerated because of what the country derives from our being here. Some years ago over in Cebu, I met a Kano who was 73 and his Asawa was 24. they had a 2 year old daughter. Seemed like the only one who looked at them oddly was me. They do seem to have a different perspective than we do. My Asawa's sister is 55, 2 years younger than my daughter and she is seeing a guy (American) who is 74.

Fred


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

fmartin_gila said:


> Don't fit in Manitoba's post as we would be classed as Nov/Dec couple. but just to add to Gary's post - quite a bit of the time I get the feeling that we are only begrudgingly tolerated because of what the country derives from our being here. Some years ago over in Cebu, I met a Kano who was 73 and his Asawa was 24. they had a 2 year old daughter. Seemed like the only one who looked at them oddly was me. They do seem to have a different perspective than we do. My Asawa's sister is 55, 2 years younger than my daughter and she is seeing a guy (American) who is 74.
> 
> Fred


You say only you notice, I can assure you everyone else notices. My wife, we're Oct/Sept calls it having a plastic face, not sure what that means but I assume it all smiles to your face and talk behind your back. Crab mentality is alive and well.


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## mogo51 (Jun 11, 2011)

fmartin_gila said:


> Don't fit in Manitoba's post as we would be classed as Nov/Dec couple. but just to add to Gary's post - quite a bit of the time I get the feeling that we are only begrudgingly tolerated because of what the country derives from our being here. Some years ago over in Cebu, I met a Kano who was 73 and his Asawa was 24. they had a 2 year old daughter. Seemed like the only one who looked at them oddly was me. They do seem to have a different perspective than we do. My Asawa's sister is 55, 2 years younger than my daughter and she is seeing a guy (American) who is 74.
> 
> Fred


Ohh we are different, my wife is 60 and I am 25 - only kidding!!!


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## greenstreak1946 (May 28, 2017)

Well, I have always been the one to overlook any couple with a great age difference. I believe the American people in the states (where i am from) are the worse to run their mouth about a couple with big age difference. First off, it is none of their business to say anything. I don't care how many years difference in a couple as long as both are of legal age. If one is 70 and the other is 20 then what matters is the two being happy. Also, what makes a difference if they ever get married or not as long as the two have their own agreement. Heck, 75 % of americans get a divorce any ways. I hate it when I hear others running their mouth about the age difference.

People should just keep their mouths shut and worry about their own life.

art


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## bigpearl (Jan 24, 2016)

All interesting observations and realities, a topic raised many times in many forums. Personally I got over the 31 year age difference years ago with the help of my better half, took some time before the social stigma from both countries wore thin and I/we realised it was about us and not what people thought. Choice, equality and lifestyle are part of this time unlike 20/50 or a 100 years ago.

Manitoba, we are July/December, Cancer and Sagittarius and way down on the astrologic match scale compared to my ex wife (Leo) of 22 years. Working very well so far regardless. My friends/family in OZ gave lots of advice, pre nuptial contracts, make good use of my family trust, be careful etc. etc. In PH. we were accepted without the fanfare, Bengie was happy so they were also and while some probably talk behind our back it matters not because this is our life/time and our choice, not theirs and while they are gossiping about us they are leaving the next person alone

Gary D said, and wisely so, " Don't mix up accepted here with tolerated here." I could elaborate but see no difference at all in my home country, horses for courses etc. Thanks Gary for the simple and accurate input/reality but at the end of the day we choose to live where we do and assimilate, bow to persecution/norms/fight or eventually succumb and leave for greener pastures, individual choice.

Greenstreak Your comment rings true, no different to interracial partners in any country age aside, (as we partake with a foreign partner) same sex couples, religious doctrines or perhaps political voices fanned by a squeaky wheel or 3...........the squeaky wheel gets the most oil and while times change and ever so slowly I am glad I live now and not some years ago when witches were burnt and people could not travel in an automobile with speeds over 40 kilometres an hour.

Cheers, Steve.

P.S. Ron, you got that backwards I think?


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## pronse (Apr 3, 2009)

It’s a case of Money talks and everything else, just walks!

You tell me, what’s in you that she loves when you are so much older than her?

Is there such a thing as love? Or is it a commercial thing just to sell things? 

People tend to justify what they believe in.
Once justified, they can do whatever!


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## mogo51 (Jun 11, 2011)

pronse said:


> It’s a case of Money talks and everything else, just walks!
> 
> You tell me, what’s in you that she loves when you are so much older than her?
> 
> ...


This is pretty much where I am on this topic. 
On Friday we were in a Mall in town and a Westerner at least 75 and not well kept, with a young (mid 20s Filipino) and baby. He could barely get up the stairs and they were elevators!

My main thoughts are with the young baby, what type of life is ahead for him? Father will die when he is very young, by the look of the Westerner does not suggest he is financially strong, but I agree, looks can be deceiving. I think the long term good of the child should be the paramount decisions in these types of situations.
I had a 'cut and shut' years ago, as I had no desire to bring young children into the world here and leave it to the woman to battle on.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Well, I'm 65 and my wife is 49. We have been married now for bout 15 years. So there is 16 years between us; not all that bad considering what I see and read. But we knew each other for seven years before getting married so we would know we were not making a mistake.
Does love really exist? It is usually hard to find but you bet it does exist.

When I arrived here I had $750us to my name - that's it. At the time my wife was working an office job that paid just one dollar per day! That first 11 years or so were very lean indeed. But we are still together and now things are a lot better. So fifteen years and four children later I can look back and know it really was worth it.

To find a wife/husband, a person needs to spend more time diligently searching for the right one. 
More time that it takes to check into a hotel room!


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

mogo51 said:


> My main thoughts are with the young baby, what type of life is ahead for him? Father will die when he is very young, by the look of the Westerner does not suggest he is financially strong, but I agree, looks can be deceiving. I think the long term good of the child should be the paramount decisions in these types of situations.
> I had a 'cut and shut' years ago, as I had no desire to bring young children into the world here and leave it to the woman to battle on.


Ron, I totally agree with your thoughts on this. Just seems to me that they don't see very far down the road they are traveling. 

After 4 Girls & 1 Boy by 3 different women, I figured out what caused it and did the same in 1978. Eliminates many problems in the future.

Fred


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Asian Spirit said:


> To find a wife/husband, a person needs to spend more time diligently searching for the right one. More time that it takes to check into a hotel room!


And even that is not a guaranteed situation. My 1st Wife & I had known each other since we were in 2nd grade, even though we went separate ways for a spell and I had some offspring by other women, our marriage lasted 12 years before failing. The next 2 ended by their death & I presume that is the way the present marriage will end, with one of us passing on.

Fred


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## mogo51 (Jun 11, 2011)

Asian Spirit said:


> Well, I'm 65 and my wife is 49. We have been married now for bout 15 years. So there is 16 years between us; not all that bad considering what I see and read. But we knew each other for seven years before getting married so we would know we were not making a mistake.
> Does love really exist? It is usually hard to find but you bet it does exist.
> 
> When I arrived here I had $750us to my name - that's it. At the time my wife was working an office job that paid just one dollar per day! That first 11 years or so were very lean indeed. But we are still together and now things are a lot better. So fifteen years and four children later I can look back and know it really was worth it.
> ...


A great post indeed. I recall when I first spoke to you on this site many years ago, you were still in struggle street as the children were growing.
I was looking to move to Phils and you gave me great guidance. As it turned out, I went to Thailand and that was worth the experience, until the military took control there.
But it is a very different life here in Phils and takes some getting used to. Slowly making inroads though.
There is 14 years difference between my wife and I, we met in Thailand, been together just on 6 years now. That in itself has been a great experience for me. Like you I did a lot of homework and decided what I wanted to find in a woman, as I had enough of divorces. I can honestly say, I made the perfect choice and am a very happy chappy in my married life.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

mogo51 said:


> A great post indeed. I recall when I first spoke to you on this site many years ago, you were still in struggle street as the children were growing.
> I was looking to move to Phils and you gave me great guidance. As it turned out, I went to Thailand and that was worth the experience, until the military took control there.
> But it is a very different life here in Phils and takes some getting used to. Slowly making inroads though.
> There is 14 years difference between my wife and I, we met in Thailand, been together just on 6 years now. That in itself has been a great experience for me. Like you I did a lot of homework and decided what I wanted to find in a woman, as I had enough of divorces. I can honestly say, I made the perfect choice and am a very happy chappy in my married life.


Thanks guy.. Yea I remember back then too. Seems like centuries doesn't it? The older we get the faster the time goes:confused2:.

That must have been quite an experience having a military takeover! Unnerving to say the least. But living there allowed you to meet and marry your wife and that's a good thing. Some things happen for a reason--I completely believe that. 
I wonder what life would be like here if that were to happen? Even then though I'd stay. This is home now for good. 

You're right though. It does take a lot of getting use to and tolerance to adjust to life here. I've never been a person to have much in the way of patients and as I age I find I have much less---daily at times. As much as I like the people; the immaturity, idiocy, and downright BS wears on me. The best relief I've found for that is to go spend several hours in a large shopping mall. Just being where there is an appearance of "normal" human behavior does a world of good. The Dari Queen ice cream "aint" bad either! Would I do it again knowing what I know now? 100% yes. Dr. Phil would love to analyze me on his TV show. Hahaha



fmartin_gila said:


> And even that is not a guaranteed situation. My 1st Wife & I had known each other since we were in 2nd grade, even though we went separate ways for a spell and I had some offspring by other women, our marriage lasted 12 years before failing. The next 2 ended by their death & I presume that is the way the present marriage will end, with one of us passing on.
> 
> Fred


Very true Fred, very true indeed. Ya just never know over the long run. Like most things in life marriage or any serious relationship involves taking a chance. I do think though that in most cases a marriage will last if the two people know each other well and for a fair amount of time. I have found that more than anything; that for marriage to work it takes two good forgivers and a willingness to see the others point of view on things every day.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

fmartin_gila said:


> And even that is not a guaranteed situation. My 1st Wife & I had known each other since we were in 2nd grade, even though we went separate ways for a spell and I had some offspring by other women, our marriage lasted 12 years before failing. The next 2 ended by their death & I presume that is the way the present marriage will end, with one of us passing on.
> 
> Fred


Not surprisingly, marriage and it's workings, challenges, as well as rewards has always been and continues to be my favorite subject- both in talks and in everyday married life. I'v been through a divorce like most others. Learned lessons the hard way and came through it with my skin still attached. Even so, there is no greater potential for happiness and success in life that in marriage to and with the right person.

There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date — to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion — but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. 

That best portion of a good man’s life is his ... kindness,' said Mr. William Wordsworth. There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command — such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.


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## fmartin_gila (May 15, 2011)

Most times we learn from our mistakes - sometimes we don't. The fraility of being human and supposedly under our own control. Sometimes we think with the head which does not contain the brain. BTDT

Fred


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