# Are tasers used?



## dzdoc (Oct 26, 2008)

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn 
Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th 
anniversary and I was looking for a little something 
extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of 
the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no 
long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her 
adequate time to retreat to safety....?? 

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. 

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed 
the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, 
however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it 
against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the 
blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between 
the prongs. 

AWESOME!!! 

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that 
burn spot is on the face of her microwave. 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to 
myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two 
triple-A batteries, right? 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on 
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the 
directions and thinking that I really needed to try this 
thing out on a flesh &blood moving target. 

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a 
fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is 
such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing 
to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did 
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. 
Am I wrong? 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with 
my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of 
my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. 

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock 
and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was 
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of 
bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly 
make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out 
of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be 
wasting the batteries.? ? All the while I'm looking at 
this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 
3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and 
(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) 
thinking to myself, "no possible way!" 

What happened next is almost beyond description, but 
I'll do my best...? ? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie 
looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 
"don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst 
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that 
bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just 
for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, 
pushed the button, and . 

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side 
door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed 
us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. 

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal 
position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both 
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my 
left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, 
and tingling in my legs? 

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had 
never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly 
thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!" 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with 
a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as 
a one-second burst when you zap yourself! 

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged 
from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. 

A three-second burst would be considered conservative? 

SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later 
(I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that 
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), 
sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading 
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did 
they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both 
nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had 
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 
88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a 
significant reward for their safe return!! 
Still in shock! 

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly 
threatens me with it! 

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid."


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## Pimpin80 (Jul 29, 2008)

hahaha amazing one, I tazed a friend of mine once while we were playing playstation and the controllers went flying! That was mean but god was it hilarious, actually so hilarious I did it again 5 minutes later hahaha I reckon that you didnt get this thing in Dubai as I dont believe they are available. Here in Canada we have a pretty wide selection though! lol


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## Pimpin80 (Jul 29, 2008)

I also have a couple of retractable batons, but those are for men self defense, they do require some strenght to strike effficiently


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## dizzyizzy (Mar 30, 2008)

hahah that's a pretty cool story!!


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## Pimpin80 (Jul 29, 2008)

Just one thing, tell your wife she shoudlnt feel invincible with this thing, some people are totally immune to the effects of the taser, and if you happen to tase one of those they might get even more angry! trust me ive already been a witness to such an even and know many people who are not really affected by tasers


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## Andy Capp (Oct 5, 2008)

Incidentaly, tasers ARE used by the police in Dubai, usually for extracting confessions from arrested people.

FACT


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## macca_24 (Apr 14, 2008)

Pimpin80 said:


> I also have a couple of retractable batons, but those are for men self defense, they do require some strenght to strike effficiently


Hey what would be even funnier would be watching you too having a taser duel


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## Pimpin80 (Jul 29, 2008)

macca_24 said:


> Hey what would be even funnier would be watching you too having a taser duel


haha i doubt anyone with a taser would be able to get close enough to tase me if i had a baton, they are quite long and im pretty fast!


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## bigdave (Oct 22, 2008)

hahahha, I read this funny story a couple years ago on another forum. spit on my monitor the first time I read it.


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