# Money matters



## Mr Phantom (Jan 21, 2014)

Hi
My first post here...I'm 61 and retired, been to Philippines numerous times for up to 7 weeks, but going very soon to ****** Occidental, this time to spend 6 months with my (new) gf who I met here in Sydney (when she was on a tourist visa here). We will likely marry if all goes well.
My question is regarding money matters, I asked if she prefers me to give her X amount per month to pay all the bills or I just pay them as they come up. She says it's up to me. I know she is capable of managing money as she is mature (46yo) and owns her own house after working overseas. 
I was thinking initially to pay the bills as we go, that would be for food, internet, electricity, phones, rates etc (no rent in this case). Her 3 boys live elsewhere so would not be living with us full time.
Can I get some ideas as to what arrangements re financial matters some of you have with your partners and get some ball park figures of what you are spending?
Thanks in advance.
Allan


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

Mr Phantom said:


> Hi
> My first post here...I'm 61 and retired, been to Philippines numerous times for up to 7 weeks, but going very soon to ****** Occidental, this time to spend 6 months with my (new) gf who I met here in Sydney (when she was on a tourist visa here). We will likely marry if all goes well.
> My question is regarding money matters, I asked if she prefers me to give her X amount per month to pay all the bills or I just pay them as they come up. She says it's up to me. I know she is capable of managing money as she is mature (46yo) and owns her own house after working overseas.
> I was thinking initially to pay the bills as we go, that would be for food, internet, electricity, phones, rates etc (no rent in this case). Her 3 boys live elsewhere so would not be living with us full time.
> ...


After my wife and I married 4 July 2007, I told her to quit her job, go home, and I would take care of everything. Since the age of 11 years, she has been the breadwinner for both of her parents, who are coconut farmers in Zamboanga del Norte, and worked 14 hours a day, 7 days a week in Ozamiz City, for 7 years and made 3,600 Pesos a month income. Every month she would buy a 50KG sack of rice, some dried fish, and ride the bus 4 hours to her home town, then transfer to a tricycle for a 1 hour ride on broken roads filled with stones. When I sent her funds, it was deposited directly into her MetroBank account which took 4 days to be posted. I sent her enough funds each month for them to live on until I was able to return to the Philippines. This was in Sept 2008. She lived in Dipolog City which was 3 hours from her home Barangay. 

I would suggest that until you return to the Philippines, you might see if she has a bank account set up where you can do wire transfer. You will need to find the cheapest one. If you have a VISA/MASTERCARD ATM Debit Card at your bank, you might be able to do this, and, perhaps, use Western Union to send the funds, it is usually very cheap to do this. All you need is her bank account number. You will need to make her understand that these funds are to be used to pay living expenses and not to be used frivolously. Tell her the truth, that you are not a wealthy man and don't have deep pockets filled with 1,000 AUS$ notes. After both of you have gotten married she can petition you for permanent residency. We can talk about marriage later but in any case, I wish you good luck, hope she is the same kind of woman that I am married to. I got lucky. My wife is the best and I would never trade her in for any reason.


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## Mr Phantom (Jan 21, 2014)

Thanks for the reply. Upon further discussion with my gf, who has lived in US and is used to being comfortable, she tells me that she would feel comfortable if I can contribute towards the expenses to the tune of P20,000 a month. Seeing as she's paying rent for the 3 boys in the city, it's probably reasonable I think?


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

Mr Phantom said:


> Thanks for the reply. Upon further discussion with my gf, who has lived in US and is used to being comfortable, she tells me that she would feel comfortable if I can contribute towards the expenses to the tune of P20,000 a month. Seeing as she's paying rent for the 3 boys in the city, it's probably reasonable I think?


Just an observation, P20,000 is a lot of money in the Philippines when a school teacher or well paid factory worker gets 12-15k per month.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

Mr Phantom said:


> Thanks for the reply. Upon further discussion with my gf, who has lived in US and is used to being comfortable, she tells me that she would feel comfortable if I can contribute towards the expenses to the tune of P20,000 a month. Seeing as she's paying rent for the 3 boys in the city, it's probably reasonable I think?


Are they your boys? not sure I see the correlation. that's her and her husbands responwibility not yours.


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

lefties43332 said:


> Are they your boys? not sure I see the correlation. that's her and her husbands responwibility not yours.


I was waiting for the H word to appear. You may considder this as prying but with 3 kids would I be correct in assuming there was a previous? and all of the implications that go with that.


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## JimnNila143 (Jul 23, 2013)

Mr Phantom said:


> Thanks for the reply. Upon further discussion with my gf, who has lived in US and is used to being comfortable, she tells me that she would feel comfortable if I can contribute towards the expenses to the tune of P20,000 a month. Seeing as she's paying rent for the 3 boys in the city, it's probably reasonable I think?


I agree with what was said above, 20,000 PhP per month is a lot of money and a family of 4 requires a minimum of that to live in the Philippines. Not knowing the age of the 3 boys I would say that it is the responsibility of your gf and her ex-husband, should they have gotten an annulment, to provide for these boys. Getting an annulment is expensive and takes years to accomplish. The only other thing to consider is that if and when your gf and you marry, you decide to adopt the boys which she would have to get approval from her ex to do so and adoption can be expensive as well. To be fair and honest, you would have to accept them and part of the package if and when both of you marry.


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## Mr Phantom (Jan 21, 2014)

A bit more info.....the boys are 17, 18 and 20, the 2 younger ones are at college, the older boy has a job. They live elsewhere, with the rent paid by their mum. The ex husband (father of the boys) sadly does not take a lot of interest in his sons, nor contribute financially to them. 
There is a full legal annulment in place.
The lady as well as owning her own house, also owns a motor vehicle.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Mr Phantom said:


> Hi
> My first post here...I'm 61 and retired, been to Philippines numerous times for up to 7 weeks, but going very soon to ****** Occidental, this time to spend 6 months with my (new) gf who I met here in Sydney (when she was on a tourist visa here). We will likely marry if all goes well.
> My question is regarding money matters, I asked if she prefers me to give her X amount per month to pay all the bills or I just pay them as they come up. She says it's up to me. I know she is capable of managing money as she is mature (46yo) and owns her own house after working overseas.
> I was thinking initially to pay the bills as we go, that would be for food, internet, electricity, phones, rates etc (no rent in this case). Her 3 boys live elsewhere so would not be living with us full time.
> ...


Mr. Phantom,

It is with many years of (married) experience living here in the Philippines that I offer a suggestion. This is for your financial benefit as well as a possible life saving move for you.

Unless you have been "legally married" to this or any other lady for several years, your wisest and safest move is to handle all money matters yourself. If you feel she needs money, give her a small amount for just messing around. 
P20k would be considered a *lot* of money here for most any local. Far too much for "helping" someones family-period.

Also, NEVER allow yourself to be worth more dead than alive. If you loose control of your finances to a GF that is exactly where you are putting yourself.

Don't be led along down a rosy path. Use big city "street smarts" and stay safe and alive here!


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## billygoat993 (Jan 18, 2014)

I just posted about being with my girl for straight 5yrs but overall 7 yrs . She has kids too have own house, business which is why she do not entertain me back then lol. To date she never ever asked a si gle cent from me. U can not even buy her anything cause she says she still have things to wear bla bla bla but i love to give her something to take care of her. 
If she asked you for a specific money I would wonder why. But if you will live with her and that willl cover rent, food etc its fine its like your share. But a pc of advice do not live same house cause u might end up being sued by the ex for money. My case is different they have been separated 18 yrs have annulment no communication and he can be deported for falsification anytime so we do not have issue. Hope this helps.


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## Mr Phantom (Jan 21, 2014)

Thanks for the last two comments, I will take your advice into consideration.


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

Here is a useful piece of info. If you are involved with a woman who is married but separated and abandoned, her legal husband can file adultery charges against her for being with you and have her jailed.

This is no joke and a clear double standard as usually only a woman is prosecuted for this. I would be extremely cautious about a relationship involving such as an "enterprising" estranged husband could black mail you for all you got to keep her out of jail.


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

jon1 said:


> Here is a useful piece of info. If you are involved with a woman who is married but separated and abandoned, her legal husband can file adultery charges against her for being with you and have her jailed.
> 
> This is no joke and a clear double standard as usually only a woman is prosecuted for this. I would be extremely cautious about a relationship involving such as an "enterprising" estranged husband could black mail you for all you got to keep her out of jail.


This was the basis of a pretty wicked episode of Locked Up Abroad.


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## Phil_expat (Jan 3, 2011)

jon1 said:


> Here is a useful piece of info. If you are involved with a woman who is married but separated and abandoned, her legal husband can file adultery charges against her for being with you and have her jailed.
> 
> This is no joke and a clear double standard as usually only a woman is prosecuted for this. I would be extremely cautious about a relationship involving such as an "enterprising" estranged husband could black mail you for all you got to keep her out of jail.


A friend of mine bought a home in his wife’s name and she immediately moved in with her pinoy boyfriend. The end result was he had no legal options! He was told by the local police if he caught them in bed he could shoot the pinoy and legally get away with it because adultery. I am not saying this is accurate but it scare me of the possibilities of being involved with a married woman.


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## billygoat993 (Jan 18, 2014)

A good friend of mine had been a victim too . He was blackmailed for money cause the so called ex husband was filing a case to him and the wife. He even sent him money for her papers but i think he was blind and just fell on deaf ears. 
Just be careful and it would help if you have a friend RELIABLE AND TRUSTED FRIEND EXPAT OR FILIPINO that knows where you are and what is happening so they can provide assistance.


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Phil_expat said:


> A friend of mine bought a home in his wife&#146;s name and she immediately moved in with her pinoy boyfriend. The end result was he had no legal options! He was told by the local police if he caught them in bed he could shoot the pinoy and legally get away with it because adultery. I am not saying this is accurate but it scare me of the possibilities of being involved with a married woman.


Yep many ways of making a living here for some locals. Truly pays to be careful!


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## jamckinnon (Jan 30, 2014)

*Wire transfer versus Western Union*



JimnNila143 said:


> ... you might see if she has a bank account set up where you can do wire transfer. You will need to find the cheapest one. If you have a VISA/MASTERCARD ATM Debit Card at your bank, you might be able to do this, and, perhaps, use Western Union to send the funds, it is usually very cheap to do this. ...


I concur that WU is a cheap way to go, although I have always used the "pick up at agent" option rather than sending to a bank account. Wire transfers, at least in my experience, have been quite expensive. My bank charges $20 plus another $25 because it's an international wire, involves currency conversion, and requires the involvement of a middleman bank. 

One issue with WU is that when setting up a transfer from within the Philippines, the Western Union URL redirects to the Filipino site, and one must start from scratch and set up an account on that site. I have so far been unable to do this successfully.


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