# Local Customs



## Les57 (Jul 16, 2014)

I am married to a local Filipino lady who is a few years younger than me. We have three children to look after. My wife likes to socialize once a week or so with her friends whom I do not know and to whom I have not been introduced. She seems to believe that this activity must be for about 10 - 14 hours at a time and overnight.
Is this normal for younger (about 30 years) Filipino ladies? Should I be in any way worried? I totally trust my wife but I find that this activity is unusual and expensive and detrimental to family life.
I am also finding it difficult to introduce the usual Western habit of living within one's income and from one pay day to the next by careful planning and budgeting. I have also been asked to lend money to friends and family. There seems to be an imprecise attitude to dealing with money and I can't seem to get across the difference between "want" or "would like" and "need" with respect to purchases. Sometimes a new dress takes priority over food. 
I bring in $Australian)1600 (about 55,000 PhP) every four weeks and my information was that I should be able to live on that without hardship. I will have the funds to purchase property shortly and can then take rent out the equation.
Are these things "normal" here and should I be able to live within my income?


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

Les57 said:


> I am married to a local Filipino lady who is a few years younger than me. We have three children to look after. My wife likes to socialize once a week or so with her friends whom I do not know and to whom I have not been introduced. She seems to believe that this activity must be for about 10 - 14 hours at a time and overnight.
> Is this normal for younger (about 30 years) Filipino ladies? Should I be in any way worried? I totally trust my wife but I find that this activity is unusual and expensive and detrimental to family life.
> I am also finding it difficult to introduce the usual Western habit of living within one's income and from one pay day to the next by careful planning and budgeting. I have also been asked to lend money to friends and family. There seems to be an imprecise attitude to dealing with money and I can't seem to get across the difference between "want" or "would like" and "need" with respect to purchases. Sometimes a new dress takes priority over food.
> I bring in $Australian)1600 (about 55,000 PhP) every four weeks and my information was that I should be able to live on that without hardship. I will have the funds to purchase property shortly and can then take rent out the equation.
> Are these things "normal" here and should I be able to live within my income?


Well, it depends on how was her social life before you guys met.

But with 3 kids to support and with your earnings socializing on that level will take its toll both financially and emotionally, God forbid, the kids will also suffer if this keeps up.

30 years old is OLD for overnighters and spending binges. 
Once a month get togethers are permissible as long as it's within household budget.

55,000 pesos is not much with 3 kids in tow. 
Does she know that you are on a fixed income and have further plans on acquiring properties to own? If not, better have a heart to heart no holds barred discussion before things get out of hand.

Goodluck.


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## jon1 (Mar 18, 2012)

Les57 said:


> I am married to a local Filipino lady who is a few years younger than me. We have three children to look after. My wife likes to socialize once a week or so with her friends whom I do not know and to whom I have not been introduced. She seems to believe that this activity must be for about 10 - 14 hours at a time and overnight.
> Is this normal for younger (about 30 years) Filipino ladies? Should I be in any way worried? I totally trust my wife but I find that this activity is unusual and expensive and detrimental to family life.
> I am also finding it difficult to introduce the usual Western habit of living within one's income and from one pay day to the next by careful planning and budgeting. I have also been asked to lend money to friends and family. There seems to be an imprecise attitude to dealing with money and I can't seem to get across the difference between "want" or "would like" and "need" with respect to purchases. Sometimes a new dress takes priority over food.
> I bring in $Australian)1600 (about 55,000 PhP) every four weeks and my information was that I should be able to live on that without hardship. I will have the funds to purchase property shortly and can then take rent out the equation.
> Are these things "normal" here and should I be able to live within my income?


You have several issues. 

1. Since you are already married you are behind the power curve. You need to first sit down with her and go over expectations of each other, responsibiities and come up with some common goals on what is acceptable or not. 

2. Money matters as you know will make or break a marriage. It broke my 1st one up (US) and I made sure that my new wife (filipina) understood who has the say in money matters and if I even perceive that I am an ATM then we are done. You need to take control of the budget and make must have items the priority. As you have found out, budgeting is not a strong point for most filipinos. 

3. Do not bend on lending money. More likely than not you will never get your money back. A good tactic is to say that you have already "lent" out all that you can to the individuals (give names) and until they pay you back you will not do any more "loans".

4. 55,000php as a monthly budget is tight but doable if everyone is fiscally sensible which does not appear to be happening. I make my wife do a shopping list before going to the grocery store and it works so far. I give her an allowance and she can do what she wants with that $ (give to her family, buy a dress, whatever).

5. I would not stand for overnight "barkada" without pre-coordination. This is how single filipina act, not married with children. If she refuses to bend, start doing your own overnight excursions to make a point. Sounds childish but until they get the same treatment, they do not understand. She also should as a courtesy introduce you to her friends that she spends time with. To me this issue rings off alarms in my head. Most filipina are very clingy to their husbands and grudgingly give them time with the boys. 

These are just my viewpoints and I know some others will chime in.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

jon1 said:


> You have several issues.
> 
> 1. Since you are already married you are behind the power curve. You need to first sit down with her and go over expectations of each other, responsibiities and come up with some common goals on what is acceptable or not.
> 
> ...


I'm with Jon in this. Overnighters are a no go and not introducing you......bad


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## Asian Spirit (Mar 1, 2010)

Money issues are very important and as previously stated, most Filipina gals have little or no concept of budgeting or self control in spending. Even to the point that if money (cash) is withheld, they will make utongs (charge) what they want with no idea how it will be paid.

The more serious issue though is the going out running around at or all night. First question to you is, are the two of you *legally* married? If not, I'd say the chances are she is already married or has a boyfriend she is staying with at times and maybe even using *your money* to help support him. Not a strange occurrence here--it happens.

Another possibility is that she is addicted to gambling as some are here and is out gambling the nights away.

If these two thoughts prove wrong then I'd say she is involved in illegal activity of some kind.

Whatever the reason for being out all night, it is not a normal part of any marriage even in the Philippines and is surly unjustifiable for married life. I've been living here in the islands for 12 years and married the entire time. That without any doubt would be a deal breaker in my marriage..


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## Gary D (Oct 28, 2013)

I know this is a bit to the point, but you have 3 children, are you the father? Sorry if I'm being rude.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

dopyeyed said:


> Man up my friend! You already know that your b**ls are shrinking! Keep being a doormat and a whiner or take charge of the situation!
> You can do it if you really want to and stop being afraid of your shadow!!!!


He asked a valid question. That doesn't make him a whiner. That's what this forum is for. Ask away.


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

anecdotal only, my pinay GF and I live in the USA -- she originally from Davao -- her single GF's ask her frequently to go dancing to a club or ballroom frequented by Phil's . They can get a little crazy so she turns them down if icant go with her. She is 100% committed to protecting our relationship. So in this i totally agree with JETLAG that the activity is questionable and unreasonable. HOWEVER you say you trust her so just tell her you cant afford it. End of story

No need to answer this question but food for thought, are you offering to take her out instead go dancing, get crazy, karaoki (which Phils love), In short are you giving her reason - unjustified or not-- to go out? good luck to you


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## HondaGuy (Aug 6, 2012)

Overnight stays with her barkada? Thats a huge red flag for me. Where does she stay she and her girls go all night?


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

Three children to look for....are they related and is there an option to give them back?

If she has any feelings for these children tell her you're tired of watching them that one night and see what that does.

I'd ask where she goes and stays and show up.

When she's out does she answer her phone?


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## UltraFJ40 (May 20, 2014)

I too would have red flags all over the place and do not believe for a minute that I would continue with this. You've gotten some really good advice from the group. Please don't be offended by any of it but instead use it to honestly evaluate the situation. 


1. Do NOT buy a place until you get this sorted out (like 5 years from now)
2. This kind of activity is not customary to any relationship regardless of location.
3. Do NOT buy a place
4. Tighten your belt and stop spending frivolously (both of you)  and use that extra money as a savings 
5. Do NOT buy a place

I might have forgotten a few things, so just in case I did; please see #1,3,5 again.


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## colemanlee (Nov 17, 2014)

I talked to my wife, here is what she said and asked...
1. It is not normal in a married situation for the girl to go out once a week...especially overnight. Also, when my wife does go out with her friends she always text me.
2. If she is serious, she should be planning for the future, not spending money in bars.
3. She either has a lover, bf, or husband and sees him when she goes out.

4. Are you legally married?
5. Are the kids yours biologically?

Here is some things to consider.
My wife goes out occasionally, read that to be once every month or two months. When she does she takes her brother who lives here...she again, always text me and says where she is and whats going on. She invites me but I dont disco...

She has bent over backwards to make sure I have met and know all her friends.
We also have three kids, two I adopted from her previous relationship, and one between us.
I am not expected to watch the kids, especially the young one, if she has to go out, always one of her sisters will come here to watch kids.

She has always put the family first, allocating money for the basics, ie, food, education, clothes, and land...always that first, entertainment takes a back seat.

In a nut shell, she puts the family first...I dont know your wife/gf but like most here..her behavior sends up many red flags...


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

Jet Lag said:


> Another possibility is that she is addicted to gambling as some are here and is out gambling the nights away.
> ..


In Singapore I met a few pinays, who drag out their married friends for a night out, and that happens quite often, as the married one's husbands are away overseas on travel

the lonely one drags her friend as she herself is looking for company, and often, i have seen, drunk girl, plus romantic filipino guy = hotel room .. 

And once i saw the wing-woman get romanced by a guy till she couldn't resist (no, it wasn't me .. )

while the wife maybe just accompanying her lonely friend, or being the financier, it's about time to put an end .. as accidents do happen, and for those less educated, they can justify to themselves that the accident was quite ok, not to drag the church in, but by a confession and it's all good to go

Seen that few times ..

Back to gambling, one of my close friend lost 100,000 in a cock fight

and few of the filipino people I know, in Philippines and Singapore as well, are extremely compulsive gamblers, and they can't buy just one lotto ticket, they have to buy 20 or 50, and entering a casino, they can't stop ..

If the compulsive gambling wasn't in the genes, why else would so many get-rich-quick schemes thrive, and even though every month a scheme is outed as a scam, doesn't stop new ones coming up ..

See how many network marketing companies are appearing and disappearing .. 

nuff said I guess !!


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

ecureilx said:


> In Singapore I met a few pinays, who drag out their married friends for a night out, and that happens quite often, as the married one's husbands are away overseas on travel


Single friends have caused many problems in marriages, maybe not the sole problem but they add gas to the fire for sure.


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

cvgtpc1 said:


> Single friends have caused many problems in marriages, maybe not the sole problem but they add gas to the fire for sure.


and with a lot of pinays having lost faith in their local men, tend to be single, and then get lonely .. too many cases I know of single women having female partners some, having enticed formerly married women with kids .. 

I am Not going into specifics beyond that


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

I would hope the OP gets back with good news. A little heart to heart and maybe laying down the law. Success??


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

Hello Les57,
This is Fuji0001's GF and I am a Filipina. I was wondering, were you the one in control of the money thus doing the budgeting? If you are then you have the final say to tell would-be borrowers (friends or family) a big and resounding "NO" to them. Telling that you have already "lent out" your money is good but may not work if it's your wife asking in behalf of those people as she would surely know if you have and most especially if she has access to your account; meaning you really are not in full control as far as finances is concerned.
Jon1's comment re: giving his wife an allowance and she can what she wants to do with that money is I think the best way for both of you to do as far control or budgeting the finances is concerned.
Regarding those "night outs" in my own opinion is not appropriate. I would never allow my BF or husband be on the loose with his "barkadas" spending overnight parties without me nor will he allow me to do that. You've mentioned that once in a week she socialized with friends; My question is what has she been doing with the other 6 days? Is she taking care of you and the children full time? Were you taking her out to spend some fun time together or even with her friends? You said you "totally trust" your wife but by the way you raised your questions, you don't seemed to as you have some doubts or maybe a lot of doubts. So tell her honestly, that you are not happy with what she is doing. She can go out with friends but no overnights if ever there is then you should be a part of it or it should be a family thing. Reiterate to her that she's married and has a responsibility of keeping that marriage intact. Your wife maybe is in his mid-20's but her actions from a Filipino woman's (mine) point of view is somewhat immature, so guide her if you can. If she truly loves you then I think she would listen and would be willing to compromise.


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## Tukaram (Dec 18, 2014)

Most of the Filipinos I know are pretty good at budgeting for the month...but never saving for the future. That is a cultural thing I hope they work on.... But I give no money to friends or family. I involved my wife in our budget and she sees that we really don't have any extra money so she is on my side.

As for the overnighters... I see it some. Usually they come to our house, but sometimes they go out to the cousin's house a little ways out of town. They spend the night because there is no transport except expensive taxis - out of town there meters are not used and you will pay for both directions of travel. (I had a delivery driver call and say I had to pay him p100 so he could get gas to come all the way out to the house).

If you trust her, I would not be too concerned about the occasional over night visits. But I would want them to come visit at our house some of the time too... and if they hang out at the house it is not expensive. Luckily my wife and cousins have no money and just hang at each others houses.


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## Cebu Citizen (Dec 13, 2013)

Marriage is an equal partnership and takes open honesty and hard work to have and keep a successful marriage. I would certainly suspect that something is going on that should NOT be happening because #1 she will not introduce you to the people or person she is going to go see, #2, she is staying out all night??? And #3, she is spending a lot of unnecessary money that should be focused on the family and NOT partying. ALARM BELLS just went off!!!!!

Your wife is certainly NOT being openly honest with you at the very least.

As far as the money, keep in FULL control of the finances as much as possible. Have your money transferred into an account that is only in your name and your name only so that you can maintain this necessary control of the finances. If you want to, give her an allowance and tell her that is her money and that is ALL she will get each month and she can spend that amount anyway she desires but that is it! After it is gone, there is no more until the next month.

As was mentioned earlier, you are already on the wrong side of the sliding scale since you are already married and your wife apparently does not care about the families finances. The best option is to try and sit down and talk face to face with your spouse and try your best to get her to understand that this is all the money that comes in each month and the bills and living expenses MUST come first.

A strong word of advice...when the money arrives for the purchase of a home...KEEP in full control of it or you will find it gone in a hurry and then there is no recovery form that...when its gone, its gone!

Be safe and good luck in your future endeavors...


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

fuji0001 said:


> . Your wife maybe is in his mid-20's but her actions from a Filipino woman's (mine) point of view is somewhat immature, so guide her if you can. If she truly loves you then I think she would listen and would be willing to compromise.


Should I say your views of how a woman should be ...is a minority view ?

Oops ...


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

Which she is entitled to just as your irrelevant post is


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

fuji0001 said:


> Which she is entitled to just as your irrelevant post is


Right ... 

Thanks


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

Les57 When I was dating I never found a girl that could budget worth a hoot and to make matters worse I married a women that hasn't got a clue or could care less what a budget is. If I get the chance to do it all over again I'd definitely take much longer because there are women here that work or hold jobs or can manage some sort of business, I don't feel to many though, I hear allot of positive stuff and I'll just call it second chances for men that have already been through the works and won't repeat with the same mistakes.

Good luck but it sounds like a real stressful situation that your in, I don't know much about your situation but the kids don't sound like their yours and be careful women here string the husband along for the ride, he could be the brother in-law living in the same home or attached or close by also another issue is that some women with money have Tom Boys or tough looking girls, they smoke, most of the time they're either chubby or skinny as a rail but seem to always have butched hair, chubby boy looking girls that they call friends or relatives, they're not friends their coupled up and they do the dishes, laundry watch the kids, clean the house.


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## esv1226 (Mar 13, 2014)

You may not be able to control her, but you can control how and how much is spent. Keep as much as you can for youself. You are not comfortable with how things are at the moment. Something's got to give sooner or later.


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## simonsays (Feb 11, 2009)

mcalleyboy said:


> Les57 When I was dating I never found a girl that could budget worth a hoot and to make matters worse I married a women that hasn't got a clue or could care less what a budget is


I know many Filipinos, who can budget, for a month at the most, and not far beyond that.

And cash flow, I know a family, who invested 10,000 on a water purifier, and charge 20 peso from the neighbours for a gallon of water.

They get about 5 to 10 gallons of sale a day, about 100 to 200 peso a day.

Come the time to replace the filter, they always realise they never saved the money, and a frantic search for money starts. And then the water delivery stops until money is found to replace the filter.

And it is back to square one after the filter gets replaced, I think it's about 1,000 peso or so .. 

I am not saying that in a bad way, with a lot of give and take, sharing, there is a big tendency not to put aside money for anything, and add to it, the mountain folk are anti insurance, as a lot believe buying insurance will bring bad luck .. and when somebody passes away, a hat collection gets started .. 

And life goes on .. 

Likewise, every six months, a filipino is injured/hospitalised in Singapore, and the collection starts, while a few hundred peso worth travel insurance would have ensured decent airlift/repatriation back home - upto 1 million peso worth coverage, but no, it's not to be .. 



> Good luck but it sounds like a real stressful situation that your in, I don't know much about your situation but the kids don't sound like their yours and be careful women here string the husband along for the ride, he could be the brother in-law living in the same home or attached or close by also another issue is that some women with money have Tom Boys or tough looking girls, they smoke, most of the time they're either chubby or skinny as a rail but seem to always have butched hair, chubby boy looking girls that they call friends or relatives, they're not friends their coupled up and they do the dishes, laundry watch the kids, clean the house.


Speechless, on the above .. though you are pretty accurate in describing a fair lot of the poor folks ..


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## Cebu Citizen (Dec 13, 2013)

ecureilx said:


> I know many Filipinos, who can budget, for a month at the most, and not far beyond that.
> 
> And cash flow, I know a family, who invested 10,000 on a water purifier, and charge 20 peso from the neighbours for a gallon of water.
> 
> ...




I have noticed similar situations here in my wife's family. No one except my wife knows how to budget nor do they act like they care...and if by chance they do any kind of budgeting, it is extremely short term, like a few days or maybe two weeks at most...NO LONG TERM BUDGETING exists here in the Philippines as far as I can see.

My mother-in-law is a school teacher and works every day she can but got in a bind a few years back and borrowed some money from another co-worker. My mother-in-law still has not paid her debt because she does not know or understand how to budget her finances. I have tried to assist her but all she wants from me is a large lump sum of cash to get her out of debt, (which is NOT going to happen). I showed her the amounts she has paid her co-worker is more than twelve times what she borrowed to begin with. The problem is that her co-worker is taking advantage of her and apparently the school board allows the co-worker to directly access my mother-in-laws school deposit account. Plus my mother-in-law does not even keep accurate track of her payments and balance...she just trusts the co-worker to "withdraw" the correct amount from her payroll account. When the family runs out of money, they just keep borrowing more and more. No concept of finances at all.

The family even asked if I was interested in opening, (partnering), a Sari-Sari store with them and I said no because every time they will need something, they will just take it from the store and eventually there would be no money and no product. TO be successful, you MUST completely separate business and personal money and property. Plus there must be fifty Sari-Sari stores in their neighborhood!


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Budget is for the birds*



Cebu Citizen said:


> I have noticed similar situations here in my wife's family. No one except my wife knows how to budget nor do they act like they care...and if by chance they do any kind of budgeting, it is extremely short term, like a few days or maybe two weeks at most...NO LONG TERM BUDGETING exists here in the Philippines as far as I can see.
> 
> My mother-in-law is a school teacher and works every day she can but got in a bind a few years back and borrowed some money from another co-worker. My mother-in-law still has not paid her debt because she does not know or understand how to budget her finances. I have tried to assist her but all she wants from me is a large lump sum of cash to get her out of debt, (which is NOT going to happen). I showed her the amounts she has paid her co-worker is more than twelve times what she borrowed to begin with. The problem is that her co-worker is taking advantage of her and apparently the school board allows the co-worker to directly access my mother-in-laws school deposit account. Plus my mother-in-law does not even keep accurate track of her payments and balance...she just trusts the co-worker to "withdraw" the correct amount from her payroll account. When the family runs out of money, they just keep borrowing more and more. No concept of finances at all.
> 
> The family even asked if I was interested in opening, (partnering), a Sari-Sari store with them and I said no because every time they will need something, they will just take it from the store and eventually there would be no money and no product. TO be successful, you MUST completely separate business and personal money and property. Plus there must be fifty Sari-Sari stores in their neighborhood!


Good for you, I'd let her figure out her bill issue's, you bail her out and you'll have to keep bailing someone like this out but it sounds like their really gouging her on the interest.

Sari-sari store is a for sure money loser the profit ain't worth a hoot or effort. 

A business that could work is one where they can't eat the profits, there's no food, electricity involved, here's an example of what works in my area; the Philippine citizen is an avid gambler they love their billiards and wetting (two numbers I think less than 50) Billiard table can bring in as much as 300 peso's per day at 5 peso's per game and more if 10 peso's, most don't like to fork out 10 peso's. Anything related to soft drinks, cold drinks is a money loser, same with ice but add the cigarettes and dry snacks, if you have a trusted worker then also sell rice, oil, flour, sugar, vinegar cases of beer, soda's for sale but not cold you could pull in even more money while they play. I would bring out cold water for drinking but I only use two pieces of ice per day so it doesn't effect the electrical bill and a light over the table at nights, no fan.

Another money maker is loans but collateralize loans only if they don't pay you keep the tricycle, car, fancy jewelry, appliances, tools, people getting rich here doing this. But to give out loans such as 5/6 a real downer you'll have to track down people everyday, so a collateralize loan and you don't go anywhere and they don't pay you get a very good deal, on a trike loan would be 8,000 peso's they don't pay you have something you could sell for 3 times that amount.


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## galactic (Dec 2, 2014)

mcalleyboy said:


> Another money maker is loans but collateralize loans only if they don't pay you keep the tricycle, car, fancy jewelry, appliances, tools, people getting rich here doing this. But to give out loans such as 5/6 a real downer you'll have to track down people everyday, so a collateralize loan and you don't go anywhere and they don't pay you get a very good deal, on a trike loan would be 8,000 peso's they don't pay you have something you could sell for 3 times that amount.


Amen to this.

There are some businesses that still can double the time and money put in. But with government regulations, specifically the BIR and Mayor's Office it becomes a burden to go legit.


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## expatuk2015 (Jan 12, 2015)

not being introduced to your wifes friends ?
My wife must be one of the best (she is ) she is proud to introduce me to her friends
we always do everything together and go everywhere together !
ok my wife is now in her 60s but she has many friends but she would never dream of going out
especially overnight ! and she will not lend money to anyone ! ok we pay things like electricity and water bills, telephone etc for the 3 homes ( moms-ours-and her sister ) and we buy food for them sometimes ( thats down to me ! )
she however will not lend or give any more than 1000 pesos to anybody other than family members as it never gets paid back.
in her words ( we have worked many years for what we get each month in pensions and why should we give it to others ? )


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

*Helping the in-laws with electricity*



expatuk2015 said:


> not being introduced to your wifes friends ?
> My wife must be one of the best (she is ) she is proud to introduce me to her friends
> we always do everything together and go everywhere together !
> ok my wife is now in her 60s but she has many friends but she would never dream of going out
> ...


Brother in-law next door was hooked up with electricity for a long time and later on we found out so was half of our block but I was still working in Guam US Navy, bills I thought were normal at 10,000 peos's, boy did I find out that's not the truth.

Brother in-law got envious over a party we had and he threw rocks at our roof late at night... apparently he forgot that he was hooked up to our power line and so were several other slugs, he's not to smart and was disconnected in the morning along with the other free-loaders I think electrical bill went from 10,000 peso's to 3,000. As long as you keep paying your fine, once you stop that money flow get ready to lose the love.


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## cvgtpc1 (Jul 28, 2012)

Les57 said:


> I am married to a local Filipino lady who is a few years younger than me. We have three children to look after. My wife likes to socialize once a week or so with her friends whom I do not know and to whom I have not been introduced. She seems to believe that this activity must be for about 10 - 14 hours at a time and overnight.
> Is this normal for younger (about 30 years) Filipino ladies? Should I be in any way worried? I totally trust my wife but I find that this activity is unusual and expensive and detrimental to family life.
> I am also finding it difficult to introduce the usual Western habit of living within one's income and from one pay day to the next by careful planning and budgeting. I have also been asked to lend money to friends and family. There seems to be an imprecise attitude to dealing with money and I can't seem to get across the difference between "want" or "would like" and "need" with respect to purchases. Sometimes a new dress takes priority over food.
> I bring in $Australian)1600 (about 55,000 PhP) every four weeks and my information was that I should be able to live on that without hardship. I will have the funds to purchase property shortly and can then take rent out the equation.
> Are these things "normal" here and should I be able to live within my income?


Les57,
Interested in what you have to say after reading the responses and if you've tried to reason with her since the OP.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

cvgtpc1 said:


> Les57,
> Interested in what you have to say after reading the responses and if you've tried to reason with her since the OP.


As am i


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## M.C.A. (Feb 24, 2013)

Les57 said:


> I am married to a local Filipino lady who is a few years younger than me. We have three children to look after. My wife likes to socialize once a week or so with her friends whom I do not know and to whom I have not been introduced. She seems to believe that this activity must be for about 10 - 14 hours at a time and overnight.
> Is this normal for younger (about 30 years) Filipino ladies? Should I be in any way worried? I totally trust my wife but I find that this activity is unusual and expensive and detrimental to family life.
> I am also finding it difficult to introduce the usual Western habit of living within one's income and from one pay day to the next by careful planning and budgeting. I have also been asked to lend money to friends and family. There seems to be an imprecise attitude to dealing with money and I can't seem to get across the difference between "want" or "would like" and "need" with respect to purchases. Sometimes a new dress takes priority over food.
> I bring in $Australian)1600 (about 55,000 PhP) every four weeks and my information was that I should be able to live on that without hardship. I will have the funds to purchase property shortly and can then take rent out the equation.
> Are these things "normal" here and should I be able to live within my income?


And don't forget you can stay out all night long to if you had a reason, some buddy having a party. Some of these women are going to treat us like were vases and can stick us in an apartment and leave us, heck no.


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## Cebu Citizen (Dec 13, 2013)

Life is far too short to have worries as you described...here is hoping you find an equitable outcome to your situation and your wife, (in her existing commitment to you as your spouse), will come clean about her whereabouts and who she is secretly spending time with. Hang in there...and remember, remain who you are no matter what those around you do. If she is doing something wrong, don't lower yourself to her level. Set an awesome example for your children!


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

One thing to remember guys we have only heard his side of the story. My GF asked the key question; what is she doing the other 6 days? Taking care of the kids and him? And what does he do for her? Maybe she needs a break from him. Pinay or not you take care of your woman she likely won't stray. Does he put her on a pedestal or under his thumb?


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## Cebu Citizen (Dec 13, 2013)

I totally agree that there is certainly a second side to this story BUT marriage is still a matter of open honesty and she should NOT be hiding anything from her husband...a relationship cannot and will not survive deceptive behavior.

If he has her under his thumb and she really needs to get away, hiding who she is with and staying out all night is not the correct answer. Being honest with him about his behavior and expressing her need to get away and informing him of who she is with and where she is going is the only proper and mature action for two adults who are married and have children together!


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

Cebu Citizen said:


> I totally agree that there is certainly a second side to this story BUT marriage is still a matter of open honesty and she should NOT be hiding anything from her husband...a relationship cannot and will not survive deceptive behavior.
> 
> If he has her under his thumb and she really needs to get away, hiding who she is with and staying out all night is not the correct answer. Being honest with him about his behavior and expressing her need to get away and informing him of who she is with and where she is going is the only proper and mature action for two adults who are married and have children together!


Exactly right. There is no Valid excuse!


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## fuji0001 (May 5, 2014)

Well stated but u r giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is over stating the situation to justify his feelings. Maybe this is a recent situation born of frustration. I suspect they are maybe 30 years different. Very different expectations. Maybe she is taking him for a ride. Maybe he is smothering her and she needs to breathe. Notice the op hasn't reappeared.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

fuji0001 said:


> Well stated but u r giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he is over stating the situation to justify his feelings. Maybe this is a recent situation born of frustration. I suspect they are maybe 30 years different. Very different expectations. Maybe she is taking him for a ride. Maybe he is smothering her and she needs to breathe. Notice the op hasn't reappeared.


Maybe she wears the pants(or wants to) and has banned his participation.


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## UltraFJ40 (May 20, 2014)

If it takes a day or two longer for him to reappear, we'll have this thing all sorted out.


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## lefties43332 (Oct 21, 2012)

UltraFJ40 said:


> If it takes a day or two longer for him to reappear, we'll have this thing all sorted out.


Lol...does make u wonder


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## UltraFJ40 (May 20, 2014)

lefties43332 said:


> Lol...does make u wonder












Kind of makes me wonder if she didn't catch wind of his internets.


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## aoe1 (Mar 8, 2015)

Wonder how long Les57 knew his wife before they married???? Good luck Les57, I think you got some really good advice from lots of folks here!!
I married a high school sweetheart for 7 years..divorced..then my second wife and I were married for 18 years and divorced....Sure is nice being single again!!!  Slow and steady wins the race. Was in and out of Subic during two Westpac tours in the mid to late 70's. On a 3 year plan to return. Looking forward to retiring and staying single in PI for at least the first couple of years or forever!! Cheers


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