# Desperately looking for help.



## SadNess (8 mo ago)

Hello. My son and daughter have not heard from their dad (my ex-husband) for around 7 years. Two weeks ago, my son got a call from a woman in Thailand saying "Papa dead". She then sent around 40 horrific and explicit photos of his dead body, showing dreadful wounds. My son and daughter remain traumatised by this. They are also unable to pay for a funeral. From what we have established so far, my ex left no money for a funeral. The uk foreign office advised us that if the body is not claimed (funeral arranged) within 28 days, he will be cremated and put in a pauper's grave. My son and daughter are horrified that this may happen. Does anyone know of a charity who could help us please? I apologise if this upsets anyone - I am just seeking help. I also hope it will educate ex-pats about how their family can suffer if they have not made proper arrangements for themselves - Or if they have made arrangements - to let family know about them. Thank you for reading this.


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## ARPC (Aug 30, 2021)

God gracious what a tragedy! I had a friend go through a similar thing in Vietnam. The best bet may be to buy a ticket to Thailand and claim the ashes. Incredibly sad.


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## Moulard (Feb 3, 2017)

I am sorry for your loss and that of your children. While you may have been estranged, it doesn't make it any less difficult.

Have you have seen this UK gov page which provides some broad advice? 
It includes a summary of the process that needs to occur, and also includes a link to UK organisations that provide support, advice and assistance.






What to do after a British person dies in Thailand


This guide gives advice about the death of a British person in Thailand, including information on burial, cremation and repatriation.




www.gov.uk


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## SadNess (8 mo ago)

ARPC said:


> God gracious what a tragedy! I had a friend go through a similar thing in Vietnam. The best bet may be to buy a ticket to Thailand and claim the ashes. Incredibly sad.


Thank you for your reply ARPC. We don't have the money to do that either. 😥


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## SadNess (8 mo ago)

Moulard said:


> I am sorry for your loss and that of your children. While you may have been estranged, it doesn't make it any less difficult.
> 
> Have you have seen this UK gov page which provides some broad advice?
> It includes a summary of the process that needs to occur, and also includes a link to UK organisations that provide support, advice and assistance.
> ...


Thank you for your reply Moulard and for sending the link. I've been working through those pages for the last 2 weeks but we cannot get any help with costs; the UK foreign office are very clear about that. My son and daughter would settle for even the most basic cremation solely for their dad - and to be told where his ashes will be placed - rather than him being part of a mass event and mass grave. I was hoping someone may know of a local charity who could help us with this. 😥


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## Moulard (Feb 3, 2017)

I have been out of Thailand way too long to be sure, but I doubt that there will be such a charity - or at least there is not likely to be one aimed a foreign nationals. But maybe one of the regular posters who are currently in Thailand might be lurking may know of something.

Do you know if he worked while in Thailand? If so he may have contributed into the Thai Social Security scheme which has a small death benefit that includes a small funeral grant. Of course if you are estranged then gaining access to that may be difficult.

A simple Temple cremation might be organised. There will be Wat Fees involved, but you would be able to avoid or at least limit the other cost. Perhaps the person who called to notify you of their dealth can arrange a funeral at a local temple where they are located. While Thai funerals tend to be rather lavish affairs they do not have to be. 

I have no idea if the High Commission can assist with arranging something with the local Wat.


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## SadNess (8 mo ago)

Moulard said:


> I have been out of Thailand way too long to be sure, but I doubt that there will be such a charity - or at least there is not likely to be one aimed a foreign nationals. But maybe one of the regular posters who are currently in Thailand might be lurking may know of something.
> 
> Do you know if he worked while in Thailand? If so he may have contributed into the Thai Social Security scheme which has a small death benefit that includes a small funeral grant. Of course if you are estranged then gaining access to that may be difficult.
> 
> ...


Hello there, we're putting snippets of info together and we know he didn't work. I'll see if the lady who called can help in any way. We've avoided any contact with her again because she sent such horrific photos. I still don't understand how anyone could do that. Thank you for trying to help, it's very kind of you .


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## Moulard (Feb 3, 2017)

Maybe I am naive, maybe I am reading things with my own personal perspective and experience...(which I will admit is of a different era)

Thai culture has a very different attitude towards death. So I wouldn't necessarily read western sensibilities into the matter.

If you have had no word for 7 years, then the fact that the woman in question has reached out to you and your children, when she had no need to should probably be seen in good faith.

Whether it is, or is not, I cannot say. But I like to see the good when possible.

With nothing other than post-mortem photos to prove that your ex-husband had died she or perhaps her association with him she may not have had many other alternatives to prove her bona-fides.

It strikes me that given your current circumstances she may be the only conduit you to have the closure you desire without a costly trip to Thailand or engagement of a funeral director either directly or through the High Commission.


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## SadNess (8 mo ago)

Moulard said:


> Maybe I am naive, maybe I am reading things with my own personal perspective and experience...(which I will admit is of a different era)
> 
> Thai culture has a very different attitude towards death. So I wouldn't necessarily read western sensibilities into the matter.
> 
> ...





Moulard said:


> Maybe I am naive, maybe I am reading things with my own personal perspective and experience...(which I will admit is of a different era)
> 
> Thai culture has a very different attitude towards death. So I wouldn't necessarily read western sensibilities into the matter.
> 
> ...


I understand what you're saying. Thank you for explaining. Her original message included, "Send money, I have no money" - so she must be in a really bad position too. 😥


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## Crawford (Jan 23, 2011)

SadNess said:


> I understand what you're saying. Thank you for explaining. Her original message included, "Send money, I have no money" - so she must be in a really bad position too. 😥



..... I'd be very careful ...You have no idea who this woman is and she could be contacting you only because she he sees you as a source of money...... do not send any.


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## SadNess (8 mo ago)

Crawford said:


> ..... I'd be very careful ...You have no idea who this woman is and she could be contacting you only because she he sees you as a source of money...... do not send any.


Yes..Thanks Crawford. I know how people scam others and we don't have money to send anyway. I just hope other ex-pats can see what a horrid situation they can leave their family in if they don't sort their affairs out properly.


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