# cortesía, afabilidad, buena educación, buenas costumbres, civilidad, cordialidad, cul



## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

I read somewhere today were 2 gas station attendants at Pemex stations were not following a visitor to Mexico orders. Does politeness in Mexico have repercussions at times, both good and bad, that many may or may not understand? I have seen a few tourists get a bad deal when in restaurants myself.


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## maesonna (Jun 10, 2008)

I'm not quite clear on what happened. Can you post a link or quote a bit from the article you read?


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

A visitor who 'orders' will get poor service, or none at all.
A visitor who requests with a smile will be treated very well; as 'alguien buen educado' (well brought up).


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

*Service requests*



RVGRINGO said:


> A visitor who 'orders' will get poor service, or none at all.
> A visitor who requests with a smile will be treated very well; as 'alguien buen educado' (well brought up).


I found out the hard way when dealing with anyone doing anything with the public in Mexico. Being accustomed to San Diego ways I did not realize what I was doing wrong until a friend hanging around with me made a statement that "Why are you so rude to everyone you do not know all the time?" My ex wife did all the talking for us in Mexico up until that time and her favorite parting when in public doing anything was always. "Eres muy amables."


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## sparks (Jun 17, 2007)

Does San Diego teach people to be rude? Used to be a civilized place when I lived there but that was 50 years ago


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

sparks said:


> Does San Diego teach people to be rude? Used to be a civilized place when I lived there but that was 50 years ago


Yes... now.


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## sparks55 (Jan 15, 2012)

*mexican politeness*

:ranger: I just returned from my first trip to mexico. Went south to Oaxaca, Oaxaca and Tapachula, Chiapas. I read on this forum that you greet people as you are walking around. Buenas Dios and smile. We got a lot of help and a lot of good service because we were friendly and outgoing people, not "rich, stuck up american tourists". We didn't go there to be tourists, we went there to see if we wanted to move there. We went out in the country with the country folks on the mango and cafe plantations. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. Already working on the next trip back.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

The most important thing to learn about Mexico is the profound depth of the Spanish expression, "Buen educado." It is so very important to be perceived as such, and the attribute will generally include all of the other good attributes.
It will take concentration and practice, for most of us, as we are generally perceived as 'cold, insensitive, ill mannered, rude, poorly dressed and very noisy in restaurants. We don't even realize that we were brought up that way and that it has become worse over the last generation or two. So, do your best to be spoken of as, "Una buena persona".


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

RVGRINGO said:


> The most important thing to learn about Mexico is the profound depth of the Spanish expression, "Buen educado." It is so very important to be perceived as such, and the attribute will generally include all of the other good attributes.
> It will take concentration and practice, for most of us, as we are generally perceived as 'cold, insensitive, ill mannered, rude, poorly dressed and very noisy in restaurants. We don't even realize that we were brought up that way and that it has become worse over the last generation or two. So, do your best to be spoken of as, "Una buena persona".


I think that can also be "bien educado", RV. In any event, for newcomers to Mexico and Spanish, it doesn't refer to how many years of schooling you've had but rather how well your parents brought you up to be a polite, well-mannered person.


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

*Rude Me*



sparks said:


> Does San Diego teach people to be rude? Used to be a civilized place when I lived there but that was 50 years ago


When I first got separated and took over the rental house in Mexicali in 2005 I was going there after work Fridays and coming back on Monday mornings. The neighbor beside me and his brother beside him has 12 junk cars in their yards and on the street. They used to park in my driveway entrance. I would always just honk my horn and the one brother would come out and move the one blocking me out. This went on for some time. Usually I arrived before 8PM but a few times after 12 midnight. I talked to him about it. One day I arrived and he did not come out but I saw him go into his house and I stood on the corner until a police car passed by and waved him down. He went the 3 doors off the blvd. and parked in the middle of the street and turned on his siren. All the neighbors were out watching. He yelled and ranted and raved for about 15 minutes at my neighbor. It turned out to be a bad move.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

AlanMexicali said:


> . . . One day I arrived and he did not come out but I saw him go into his house and I stood on the corner until a police car passed by and waved him down. He went the 3 doors off the blvd. and parked in the middle of the street and turned on his siren. All the neighbors were out watching. He yelled and ranted and raved for about 15 minutes at my neighbor. It turned out to be a bad move.


So what happened next? I´m all ears!


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## dongringo (Dec 13, 2010)

BULL - the outside appearance of Mexico is courtesy, kindness and whatnot. Within Mexican society the attitude is "Down Boy" - 
Watch your next family treating waiters in a restaurant. Experience the local small shop owners that still greets you with the the equivalent of "whaddayou want" after 9 years. Observe the gas station attendant who stands around for 5 minutes while pumping a thousand pesos of gas without offering to wash your windshield. Answer any question on the internet and expect a thank you.

Yes, I do think, as a general rule, Mexicans appear to be more friendly than folks elsewhere.

But once you dig down, in my personal experience, many are something I cannot publish here.
Ironically I had this conversation with my 30 year Mexico resident buddy in town, this morning. His opinion is worse than mine.


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## Isla Verde (Oct 19, 2011)

dongringo said:


> BULL - the outside appearance of Mexico is courtesy, kindness and whatnot. Within Mexican society the attitude is "Down Boy" -
> Watch your next family treating waiters in a restaurant. Experience the local small shop owners that still greets you with the the equivalent of "whaddayou want" after 9 years. Observe the gas station attendant who stands around for 5 minutes while pumping a thousand pesos of gas without offering to wash your windshield. Answer any question on the internet and expect a thank you.
> 
> Yes, I do think, as a general rule, Mexicans appear to be more friendly than folks elsewhere.
> ...


All I can say in response to this post is that your experiences in Mexico have been very different from mine. Of course, I run into the occasional rude shopkeeper or waiter, but in general the people I deal with every day in my neighborhood and elsewhere in the city are polite and pleasant to me. I say this as someone who has lived here now for almost five years and has been coming to Mexico for shorter and longer stays since 1966.


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

*Next*



Isla Verde said:


> So what happened next? I´m all ears!


It went immediately to the 2 brothers were not friendly anymore and the one brother beside my house who got the earful stopped scooping up the dog poop beside my wrought iron fence beside my driveway, dogs spot to go. The neighbor on the other side of me became my friend. He had two adult children living at home, a old pickup and his and his wife's car on the street. His son had a parts car in their garage. The neighbor across the street from him began to tell me things about the neighborhood and became a friend. The couple across the street from me ignored me, which they never did before. The lady beside her across from the car lot houses started to gossip about me. She simply added me to her list.

After a year or less it blew over and the brothers stared getting rid of their clunkers. The dog poop continued for a few years only. He is a good natured neighbor the last few years now. His brother and his bother's family ignore me.


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## kazslo (Jun 7, 2010)

AlanMexicali said:


> I read somewhere today were 2 gas station attendants at Pemex stations were not following a visitor to Mexico orders. Does politeness in Mexico have repercussions at times, both good and bad, that many may or may not understand? I have seen a few tourists get a bad deal when in restaurants myself.


I've found more often than not, especially when dealing with business related matters, my politeness and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt gets mistaken for being naive by those who are uneducated. Once I realize that I've been taken advantage of, that's when I get direct, and those same people then perceive me as being 'rude' and 'cold'.

However, as far as my day-to-day interactions, I see Mexicans as being much more courteous and patient. A simple walk down the street and I've already been told "good morning" by 5 people, even if they don't know me. Having someone pass your table at a restaurant and them say "provecho". If I can't find something at a local shop, the owner will usually tell me they can order it if possible or direct me to another shop where I can find it. People who see me in the street regularly (like local shop owners) take interest in my doings/family. 

When I first arrived, I was the "cold, ill-mannered" person rv describes - looking at someone passing on the street but saying nothing, being rushed and direct in stores. Its a matter of cultural differences as to what is common courtesy. I now put in my plans that a trip to the store doesn't mean get in the car, go, rush, and return, but take a walk down the street and take time to greet and talk with anyone - from the people that see me daily to the shop owners to other customers in the store.


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## AlanMexicali (Jun 1, 2011)

*The old me.*



kazslo said:


> I've found more often than not, especially when dealing with business related matters, my politeness and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt gets mistaken for being naive by those who are uneducated. Once I realize that I've been taken advantage of, that's when I get direct, and those same people then perceive me as being 'rude' and 'cold'.
> 
> However, as far as my day-to-day interactions, I see Mexicans as being much more courteous and patient. A simple walk down the street and I've already been told "good morning" by 5 people, even if they don't know me. Having someone pass your table at a restaurant and them say "provecho". If I can't find something at a local shop, the owner will usually tell me they can order it if possible or direct me to another shop where I can find it. People who see me in the street regularly (like local shop owners) take interest in my doings/family.
> 
> When I first arrived, I was the "cold, ill-mannered" person rv describes - looking at someone passing on the street but saying nothing, being rushed and direct in stores. Its a matter of cultural differences as to what is common courtesy. I now put in my plans that a trip to the store doesn't mean get in the car, go, rush, and return, but take a walk down the street and take time to greet and talk with anyone - from the people that see me daily to the shop owners to other customers in the store.


My experiences are in parallel to yours. I also started dressing as if I was in the big city and not at the beach and got many more good mornings. My neighbor took me to his horse ranch one day in the summer and I was wearing my usual baggy cargo shorts, sandals and a colorful loose shirt. The ranch hands had a good laugh and he explained the senior way to dress and it actually was true. The police stopped slowing down to give me the lookover when out and about. Not that Mexicali isn't used to people stopping in Mexicali on their way from the US to the beach town of San Felipe.


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## mickisue1 (Mar 10, 2012)

I can't speak from living in MX. But I can speak from having been, on business or pleasure, to 48 of the 50 United States, and several Canadian provinces.

People everywhere, in NYC and in Tiny Town MS, are usually as polite and friendly as you are to them.

Be surly, they're surly back. Be pleasant, and even the ones whose tendency is to be surly, may be caught so unawares that they are temporarily pleasant back.

Of course there are different mores in MX than in the US and Canada. For one, the personal space is much smaller--the distances between people that would have some gringos--especially Minnesotans!--edging away is considered normal, not just for Mexicans but most latinos.

Nevertheless, a pleasant tone, a smile, and an attempt, even if in less than perfect Spanish, to speak in the native tongue, goes a long way.


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## RVGRINGO (May 16, 2007)

In Mexico, passing on the street with a spoken greeting and a smile is normal. If not stopping to chat, 'adios' is appropriate. If you do stop to chat, it is 'buen dia' and a handshake, Mexican style for men, US style for women. If you run into a good friend, male of female, the hug is normal, with a cheek kiss for the opposite sex.


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